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You catch me in your eyes
That beauty on my pillow
That holds me in the night
And I will find my strength to untame my mouth
When I used to be afraid of the words
But with you, I've learned just to let it out
Now my heart is ready to burst
Ella Henderson, "Yours"
32. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?
In the dream, it's a completely terrifying moment too, when it finally happens. And it's not that she intended for him to know… no, it's Enzo who outs her.
"That's brilliant. Of course that's why she hates you. That's how you worked her into such a state in Savannah. That's why she told you to go take a leap. She hates you because she doesn't hate you at all."
Caroline feels her heart beating faster. He can't say it. He can't...
Meanwhile, Stefan just looks annoyed, because he hasn't gotten it. "I'm sorry. Are you still talking?"
"She got a thing for you, mate."
And here she thought they were becoming friends. But Enzo leaves, and leaves behind an awkward silence between the two of them. It's clear, just from the look in Stefan's head, that the thought would have never, ever crossed his mind.
"Whatever he just said, it will never be discussed again, ok?"
She'd rather never talk about this than hear what she already knows, that he doesn't see her that way.
Caroline discovers that using the 'best friend' tag as a mantra to fool herself into believing that she's satisfied with this platonic relationship is something that eventually stops working.
The first sign?
They dance together during the Bitter Ball, right after she's seen Elena flirting with him, and while he is telling him something very important about Damon killing a very innocent boy she knows, she struggles to focus with his hand on her back, and his face so close to her neck.
She remembers the one time his fangs pierced a spot there and wonders if it will feel the same a second time.
She wonders if he can notice the effect he has on her, and prays that it fades away, but it only escalates from that moment on.
Like the weekend she goes back to Mystic Falls to visit her mom and make sure she's eating well, and somehow ends up being a day where he has to chase his brother with Elena's help, while she aids Tyler to look for a missing Matt.
He comes to see her well past midnight, again with an important problem at hand, his brother has finally lost his mind and turned into a ripper who devours other vampires.
"This is all Enzo's fault."
"I'm not disagreeing on that, but I'm just saying that we might be closer to finding a cure for this… condition if you join forces with him. He has at least one redeeming quality, he's quite loyal to your brother."
"Are you defending him?" Stefan frowns.
"No!" She closes her eyes and flops on her bed, lying on her back. "You know what? I'm exhausted and I cannot think about serious problems right now. Can we do that after my beauty sleep?"
"I'm sorry" He lets out a sigh and lies next to her.
"Today I wasn't expecting any other obstacles besides my mom's refusal to rest from work, but Tyler and I wasted our day in a useless search while you were with your 'studying buddy'... And Matt was being compelled and having an affair with Katherine's vampire daughter! For someone who disliked the idea of me being a vampire, he's surely gotten a list of vampire girlfriends."
"Well, people change." He turns his head to look at her with those green eyes, and his voice comes out just a little bit softer when he adds,"and he did not deserve you."
It's something he must say because he is her friend, but it still gives her goosebumps.
For a fleeting moment, she is aware that it is just the two of them, arms touching, faces too close to each other. Not a distance unfamiliar to them, and yet completely different.
Until he mentions Elena kissed him, which leads to them discovering that Katherine is a passenger in their friend's body. By then, the moment is gone.
Everyone hides things. Caroline hides her love and the jealousy that's born from it. Bonnie hides the pain she feels every time someone crosses to the other side. She's only told Jeremy about that, but then pretends so well that her boyfriend might as well forget she's going through constant suffering.
Caroline learns about it in one of her dreams, another nightmare that has her running to Bonnie and checking that she's okay. At one point, her body will no longer endure being the Anchor, but Bonnie doesn't seem to care.
"The time we have now is already a gift."
"How can you say that? This is so wrong. You should tell Jeremy."
"No, he can't know. I want us to enjoy the time we have."
It's been forever since they share secrets that are just theirs, and Caroline wishes they were happy whispers, but they are not young, human high school students anymore.
"How do you think he will feel? Being left behind, knowing that's the price for him to be alive… I think…" Her chest hurts. "If you leave him suddenly, there will be only pain and anger. It will haunt him."
"When I hear you talking like that, I wish I could do more for you, Caroline."
"I want to believe that's not really the end. I did dream of us together planning my wedding"
"You mean you doing the planning, and me following you around."
They laugh.
"Because of my dreams, sometimes I hope for things that cannot happen. I dreamed I was still a vampire but had kids. I've dreamed with so many absurd things, with Stefan-
"Being the dad of the kids?" Bonnie asks, raising an eyebrow.
"No! Don't say that." She says, looking around with alarm. "It's never going to happen."
"I have a hard time believing that. For starters, all those dreams mean something. I think grams now, not she doesn't want to tell me. Anyway, there is something between you and him. Maybe you cannot see it because you two are too alarmingly alike in some things."
Caroline smiles.
She missed moments like this. It's unfortunate they have to go back to the everyday race, now to find an antidote for the ripper virus and recruit a new witch ally.
The antidote in exchange for Stefan's doppelgänger.
Enzo says the last two remaining are special, for some reason, and that is why they want Tom dead. Or Stefan dead (so they take him as a prisoner, and she hears them talk about using the same mind connection thing that Qetsiyah used before). They want to fry his brain.
Or they could always reveal that Tom is at some unknown location in New Orleans.
Either way, she can't do this.
"Look, I know there's a lot of them, but between you, me and Enzo, I bet we can take them."
"Did you really just say that?"
She's freaking out when Stefan grabs her hand, squeezing it tightly.
"It'll be okay."
"No, it won't."
"Do you trust me?" He asks.
She would trust him with her life, but it's not about her, it's about him. All Caroline can do is nod and focus on the feeling of their intertwined hands keeping her grounded.
That's right. Tom is protected by the Mikaelson family. It won't be easy for anyone to get to him, even if Stefan needs to share some information. And they always knew the Travelers were coming for them.
"I don't want to see you in pain."
It would be one thing if it was really necessary, if he did it only because Damon and Elena's lives are at stake. But she knows he could choose to sacrifice Tom at this moment because his family is more important. He doesn't, and it's because of her.
"I have to. Otherwise they won't believe it."
So she swallows down her anger when she sees him in pain and stays with him, his head resting on her lap, well after it's over.
"They sent Enzo and too many travelers to count. They won't stop until they kill him, and what if it gets Klaus and his family into trouble?. How do we find a solution for that?"
"I'll tell you when we get out of here."
"I will also kind of feel bad for Enzo if he dies."
"I knew it. You like all that flirting, right?" He is smiling, but his eyes are still closed.
"Stefan"
"Yes?"
"You and me, it's never going to happen"
Those were different times. Now they are best friends. And what would he say if she were to tell him that she loves him so much right now it feels as if her heart is about to burst out of her chest?
It'd ruin everything. Best friend, that's the place she has in his life, and it used to be enough until it isn't anymore...
"I would do the same for you, you know that."
He opens his eyes and there's a gentle look on his face. "You already are."
