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So... we're now in a new chapter in Caroline and Stefan's lives...

Oh, love, let me see inside your heart

All the cracks and broken parts

The shadows in the light

There's no need to hide.

Ross Copperman, "Hunger"

37. DAY BY DAY

Damon doesn't make it from the Other Side. Alaric ends up being the last one to cross, then the spell just… stops working.

Bonnie dies.

He's lost his brother, and she's lost a friend, and they have both lost their home.

Caroline drags a numb Stefan back to her dorm, because she doesn't know where else to go now that they cannot go even miles near to the town's border.

Her mom… she needs to call her mom, let her know she's okay. But the phone call directs her to the voicemail, even now her mom must be busy dealing with all the traveler corpses and the disaster they made out of Mystic Falls. (Caroline can't even fathom another possibility but her mother being too busy to answer).

"I lost them both… the two people I've known for the longest in my life, they're gone."

She snuggles next to him in her tiny single bed.

"Lexi found peace, Stefan. I know it'll sound just like a fool's hope now, but I believe there has to be a way to bring them back. Bonnie and Damon, we'll bring them back."

It's difficult to sound optimistic in a situation like this, but she tries, she has to. He holds her hand, and presses his forehead against hers.

"Let's not talk about this now."

If she could only do more for him. At the moment, though, this is all she can do: hold onto him tighter, stay by his side for as long as he needs her to.

They fall asleep in the safety of each other's arms.

Caroline wakes up in the early hours before dawn when her mom calls her. She's at the hospital, but she'll be fine, she says. And what can Caroline do at a time like this? She can't even go to help her mom feel better.

"Don't worry about me, dear. What's important is that you are okay." She hears her mom's voice break. "You're back."

"I'm sorry, mom. I promise I'll be more careful from now on."

She can't promise she won't die again, their world is so dangerous, and the next time will be final… but she holds in her tears until the moment their call ends.

How do you keep the world from falling apart? For her, making a list of things to do comes as a natural response.

Check on Elena, she must be destroyed. Where is she now?

Find Silas before he starts killing tons of people...

Fix the housing problem. The semester is over, she can't go back home, and she has zero intentions to stay on campus in the meantime.

Stefan starts tossing in bed, his arms searching for her.

Maybe all that can wait another hour or two.

They don't talk about the kiss. He doesn't bring it up and so she doesn't either, even if she's dying in her insides to know what it means for them. Perhaps whatever could have been is different now that his brother is dead.

She's lost Bonnie, and Elena too. Elena looks heartbroken when she mentions Bonnie, but she does not talk about Damon, as if he isn't even dead or as if he never existed. When Caroline finds a three-bedroom house to rent in the city, Elena decides she doesn't want to move in with them and instead of spending time together, she goes partying with the twins every night. Stefan says it's her way of coping, Elena's lost too many people in the past few years.

Everyone deals with the aftermath of the destruction of the Other Side in a different way. Jeremy, after the shock of losing Bonnie, has gone back to Mystic Falls and there hasn't been any news from him.

Caroline is only glad that she still has her best friend and that he does not let her do this alone.

"I just called my mom. She was discharged from the hospital, so I told her Matt could drive her here, and she could rest for a few more days, but what did she say?" She stops chopping the cabbage and turns to look at him. "There's a lot of work to do in town and she can only come on the weekend."

"Well, if she's feeling well enough to go back to work, that's a good sign, isn't it?"

She sighs and tries his marinade, just to check it isn't too salty. It's perfect.

"It was already difficult in the past, to make sure she's taking care of herself. Now? I'm preparing this dinner for nothing, she's not planning to come anytime soon."

"First of all, we are preparing this dinner, and second, we can still enjoy a fine time on our own, okay. I'm sure Liz will come this Friday, she's also been worried about you. but being the Sheriff in Mystic Falls has its downs."

"This is why we need to find a way to break the spell."

"Enzo is trying to locate some witch covens. If some of the leads come out to be the real thing, then I'll go and check by myself, and convince them to help us. But until then," he grabs her hand and squeezes it tight, "just breathe in."

It's how she manages to keep calm when everything is out of her control.

"Again."

They live under the same roof, but in different rooms, the only logical thing because they are only friends, after all. This is how she protects the tiny, delicate, invisible line between friendship and everything else.

But when she starts having nightmares again, Stefan is always there to offer comfort. So she snuggles next to him, his arms hold her closely for the rest of the night. He is not a hugger, maybe that is changing now. And when she wakes up, his face inches away from hers, she stays like that for a minute or two before slowly disentangling herself from him (he looks so calm when he's sleeping).

Everyone is coping in different ways, but Caroline does not notice what Stefan is doing until a few weeks into their new arrangement.

She's asked about Tom a couple of times, and suggested they make a trip to New Orleans. Stefan says it's not a good time, the Mikaelson family has their own mess to deal with. That's not exactly reassuring. And sometimes, she feels she should be doing more, but he won't let her.

"So I was thinking… Enzo is looking for the covens but there is one witch who might be able to help us… if we can find him." She brings this up when they have just gotten back from visiting Elena at the dorm.

"Are you really willing to trust Silas after everything he's done?"

"Not trust, but… we don't need to be friends to be allies. And he is kind of on a mission to find peace, which means he can no longer act like a psycho who kills just because he can."

Stefan frowns.

"He got into your head again, Caroline. What did he tell you when you were on the Other Side?"

She looks down. Silas said a lot, but not nearly enough. And in the end, it does not matter because his warning scared her and she lost her chance to have his help to access those dreams.

"It's not what you think. He did not want to mess into my memories, probably because he already got what he needed. He actually said it'd be dangerous for me to continue looking for them. And of course, I don't trust Silas either, but what if there's something… something that helps us get Bonnie and Damon back?"

"Caroline, we might never get them back. Maybe it's time you start thinking about that possibility. I can't risk losing you because you can't accept that."

She can't believe his words.

Is he acting like Elena, pretending he's okay with what's happening? There's no way he easily accepts that his brother is gone.

"Are you… giving up now?"

He closes the distance between them with a few steps and takes her hand into his. "No. I'm just saying that we'll do all we can, but that does not include anything that will put you in danger."

"Bonnie died to bring me back from the dead."

"Exactly. There won't be a next time." She is overwhelmed by the fire in his gaze. "I won't let anything happen to you."

It's hard to keep looking into his eyes, so she looks down. Her thumb traces the lines in the palm of his hand.

"In my dreams, I saw you dying so many times. I couldn't bear to see it happen again. Because of those dreams, I knew things I shouldn't know. I knew that Bonnie was going to die. But I also think there's a way for her to come back, I saw a future where she's still with me. So I have to try."

They rarely talk about this. He doesn't ask about the dreams anymore, and she doesn't mention them either. Just in the same way they haven't talked about their kiss or the moment leading up to her death.

"Did you feel obligated to do something because of the dreams?" He asks, concern and guilt written on his face.

She shakes her head. "You would have done the same for me, wouldn't you? I remember… I remember when I woke up as a vampire, you told me I would get through it, and I did, because you were there for me. I used to think I was some terrible person, but you were still giving me a chance, and it made me feel I wasn't hopeless. It made me want to be the best version of myself. And I… I-"

I love you.

The elephant in the room. The words that she still isn't able to say.

"I'm sorry for not seeing it before." He cups her face in his hands. "You told me once I would move on without even realizing it. And that's what happened. I don't know when it started, when it became more than friendship, but it did. And when I thought I lost you, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me."

She's the one to kiss him now, and no tragedy nor outside enemy can interrupt them this time.