Hello there! Double chapter!
Back of the room, looking at you
Counting the steps between us
A hundred and five little blades in a line
From your skin to mine
And I feel it
Eyes on the ground, but I can't look up now
Don't wanna give it away
My secret
Sara Bareilles, "1000 times"
44. IT'S DARK INSIDE
Summer is not over yet and Caroline can't catch a break.
"There's no doubt. I checked the recordings from last night, and thank god it was me and not someone else." Her mom tells when while she engulfs her sandwich.
"Hey, take your time to eat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." She reminds her as she serves more orange juice.
Worrying about her mom's well-being comes first, Elena's new problem comes second. No wonder why she's been strangely silent and absent during dinner time the past week.
"She's having a relapse. But I don't understand… she was getting better, much better, almost like the old her…"
"Grief doesn't just begin and end one day. Some days are easier than others, but you have to live with it. Elena has experienced more grief than anyone I've ever met."
Caroline bites her tongue and stops herself from saying another word. Death is not a topic she really wants to talk about now.
Their visit to Duke did not bring anything new, except that she learned Stefan actually had a great-great-niece or something, who lived under another name and was unaware of her Salvatore roots because of an 'incident' with Damon years ago.
Since then she's contacted numerous doctors, but their answers are never very hopeful and, what's more important, her mom insists she doesn't want to go through a painful treatment, and Stefan insists they should respect that choice.
Instead of dwelling on these thoughts, she smiles.
"I'm going to ask her first, and then you can interrogate her if it doesn't work, okay? And we're going to see a movie together tonight, so don't think about doing extra hours."
"Caroline, you've spent most of your time with me since I've moved here. Why don't you go out with Stefan instead?"
"He's busy doing some research with Enzo and Alaric about some coven in South America that can contact the dead."
It was a very secretive coven, though, and so far they only had rumors and not even an exact location, or even a country, where they could start to look for them.
"Maybe he needs a break, too. You both do."
She sighs.
"Okay. Maybe you're right. But first, let's look into the Elena eating people problem."
Confronting Elena does not help at all, and Caroline just wants to grab her shoulders and shake some sense into her when she hears that everything is alright, no one is dead. That's so not the point.
"Chill out, Caroline," Tyler tells her.
Lately he and Elena are drinking buddies, which can only be explained by the lack of a bigger circle aware of their supernatural shenanigans.
She glares at him. "You knew about this, didn't you? You should have told me!"
"Why? You're not her nanny. Besides, don't you have enough on your plate right now?"
He means well, of course, but the consequences are all disastrous.
"Well, someone has to take care of her. Are you going to do that?"
Tyler doesn't answer, instead points with his head towards her left. "Your boyfriend."
Caroline doesn't miss his spiteful tone. Stefan and Tyler have barely crossed words since the whole traveler thing, and they were never really friends before, but there's a hostility that wasn't there before. Neither of them forget that Stefan killed Tyler (even if it was Julian in his body at the time) or that Tyler killed Caroline (again, it was Julian, but those were still Tyler's hands, or so Stefan says).
"Talk to you some other time, Care."
That's not important. She lights up when she sees Stefan walking towards her. "Hey!"
"Hi" He runs his thumb on her cheek. "Is everything okay? Did you talk to her?"
She sighs. "I did. Apparently, I'm exaggerating, that's what she said. What are we supposed to do? This time no one died, but what if it happens the next time?"
Stefan shrugs and puts his hands inside his jacket's pockets. "We'll try to put the fire down. But we can't babysit 24 hours a day either."
"My mom won't leave this alone, you know that, right?"
That's what worries her the most.
"Alaric is looking after Elena. Don't worry too much."
Caroline raises an eyebrow. "Yes, because he totally has his bloodlust under control. Did you find out anything new? A new lead or something?"
He shakes his head.
"But I might go back to Portland. Alaric thinks there's a chance that we did not look hard enough into it. But we'll need someone who knows a thing or two about cloaking spells"
She frowns. "Do you really think the leaders of the coven are still there?"
Last time, all they found was silence and empty lands.
"Hazel never left Portland until the month before she kidnapped Tom."
As they leave the campus and make their way back home, Stefan mentions how most of the students are coming back and that the semester is going to start soon.
"Are you really not coming back?"
It just seems pointless now. Sure, that would mean she can look after Elena better, but even if she cares about her friend, it's not really the priority now. If they could bring back Bonnie and Damon, that will resolve itself too, right? And besides…
"I don't even know how much time I have left with my mom, and if I wasn't staying by her side, I would still prefer to help you look for ways to solve our Mystic Falls problem or get my friend and your brother back instead of attending lectures."
"Caroline."
He grabs her hand and when she looks up, there's that understanding and kind look in his eyes that always has the effect to quell her anxiety, even if just for a moment.
"It's okay if you don't want to. The very reason I'm not asking you to come with me this time or anytime in the near future is that you want to spend more time with your mom. But she's going to work every day, getting used to living here... have you thought that maybe she wants you to carry on with your life too?"
She should be used to this by now… taking in the heartache and smiling just the same. When her dad passed away she didn't even know how to be sad, or how to forgive him, or how much she should hate Damon for being a homicidal jerk... it was all so sudden. Now her mom is dying, and all she can do is watch as it happens every day. It doesn't make it any easier.
"I'm going to be fine." Or maybe not. "Who knows? I always wanted to study in a big city."
There won't be a reason to stay close to Mystic Falls in a year or so.
They stay in bed for a long time, his head resting on her chest and her hand brushing his hair. It's at moments like this that she feels the most at peace.
But sometimes it frightens her, the possibility that it's taken away from her too.
What would it be like to live in a world where all the ones she loves are safe and sound, and she doesn't have to say goodbye anymore?
Her dreams reflect these fears, and when she drifts to sleep she's in the car with Alaric and the girls.
Bonnie told her to leave, but it feels wrong. It's something about her friend's voice, an 'I love you' that sounded more like an apology.
"Tell me what's going on." She demands, and Ric finally tells her.
Just a little bit too late.
"I don't know what to say, Caroline. Stefan, he's… he's made a decision. Someone needs to stay with Katherine and make sure she goes back to hell."
She knows Stefan too well not to understand what's happening, but it's too late, and she loses air when she realizes that it's not just that she parted ways with him to face a dangerous situation, hoping he'll survive (they've gone through that before, and they know the risks). No, he's definitely not coming back.
It's their wedding day and this is his choice.
She can't even hear his voice once more, because he doesn't answer the damn phone.
Too late.
"I will love you forever. I understand."
She wakes up alone in bed, Stefan has already left for Portland, and when she calls him and hears the same damn voicemail again, she hates it.
"Hi, this is Stefan. Leave your number."
"You should really change your voicemail greeting."
After throwing her phone aside, she chastises herself for being so angry. Stefan is not her husband. Stefan has never told her he loves her. Stefan is not dead. He hasn't left her alone.
The little voice in the back of her mind tells her he would do it, though.
He will not stay by her side forever.
Caroline is satisfied with herself when she leaves the police station, as her mom and the officers working there liked the cupcakes well enough, and she's already thinking about inviting Elena and Jeremy to come for dinner tomorrow.
It's a surprise, however, when she arrives home and sees Stefan preparing coffee in the kitchen.
Didn't he say he'd be back tomorrow?
"Hi, you're back." He smiles. "I was wondering if I should just call you and let you know I was here."
"Don't tell me, the witch backed off at the last minute?"
No, Enzo would not let that happen.
"No, but those witches from the Gemini Cover are sneaky." He sighs and hands her a mug of coffee. "How is your mom doing?"
"I just came from visiting the precinct. I think she adjusted just fine, people seem to like her, and there are not that many vampire incidents here, so that's a plus."
She makes a pause to sip her coffee and frowns. This does not taste right.
He smirks, and she immediately freezes.
"You psycho bastard. What are you doing here?"
"You're distracted, Caroline. It took you too long this time."
It's true. Even if he was trying to trick her, she should have seen through it right away.
She gives some steps backwards.
"Just tell me what do you want?"
"I don't want anything in particular," Silas says, leaning on the counter. "I was just dying of boredom. Turns out that trying to live like a nice person without stepping onto insignificant people is worse than hell."
"So you came here?"
"To help you solve your problems, of course."
"Out of the kindness of your heart?"
"I said I was bored." He shrugged. "And I figured, if finding peace is our common goal, we might help each other in the long run."
"Yes, you said you were going to find peace last time and then pushed me to pass through Bonnie."
"You're welcome."
She doesn't trust him one bit.
She's also spent countless times wondering if Silas is the solution to all their problems.
"You'll give me back my memories this time?"
"I told you, you don't want that." His voice is unexpectedly… kind when he says this, but the tone vanishes in the blink of an eye. "Did you know that the young Gemini twins have been around for ages?"
"What?"
"The boy has been providing herbs to dear Elena for weeks now. Didn't she tell you?"
The mug she's been holding in her hand breaks into pieces.