Hello everyone! It's a sunny, impossible hot summer day on my side of the world. How are you doing?

Tonia: As always, I'm glad to hear from you. I agree with your thoughts on Stefan, but I do believe he's come a long way. At least I hope so, seeing that this story has been stretching much longer than I ever thought it would.

And yes, Caroline is one of the show's most complex characters, I think one of the reasons for this is that she benefited from being a favorite of the show creators more than any other female characters (looking at Bonnie and Elena there). Whatever the reasons, I just love her, and that's a lot coming from someone who finds it hard to relate to white, upper-class people in fiction. That's how great she is.

And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences
Sit with you in the trenches
Give you my wild, give you a child
Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other
Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother
Is it enough?

Taylor Swift, "Peace"

61. FAMILY FIRST

This is picking up the pieces of her twice-shattered self and trying to make things right. Again.

Elena looks at her bewildered when she finishes telling her story, finally admitting the truth that she only confided in Stefan and Bonnie before.

"So, what you are saying is that I should take the cure, that there's another version of events where Damon and I took the cure and we have children?"

Caroline nods.

"Damon?" Elena repeats, raising an eyebrow, but Caroline is able to spot the gleam of hope in her eyes.

"And he did a quite decent job at that. Never tell him I said that."

Elena places her hand over hers.

"Caroline, I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone for so long. Why didn't you tell me before?"

Thankfully Bonnie, who's come back with coffee cups for all of them, points out how it wouldn't have turned out well.

"When you and Stefan were dating, or when you were still getting over each other?" She sits on the couch across from them.

The three of them silently agree it would have gone horribly wrong.

"Still, I'm not going to lie and say I don't want the cure. But Caroline, it's crystal clear you want it too, if only for…" Elena's voice mid-sentence before she mentions the girls.

Once upon a time Klaus asked her if she wanted the cure too, and poked at her darkest corners of her soul, saying she wouldn't take it anyway.

Perhaps it was true once. Caroline never had to tell because it was never really an option.

She can't be comfortable with the idea of being first, the one able to make the choice this time. And so she keeps pushing it back to others.

Because if she becomes human, that's unknown territory. And what comes next? Happily ever after?

"Stop about this," She gives her friends her best smile. "Let's talk about you."

"Okay, Bonnie, tell us about your guitar lesson with Enzo yesterday?" Elena winks and shares a knowing look with Caroline.

Bonnie rolls her eyes. "I just listened to you so Caroline would stop pestering me with that."

"Please…"

Hopefully her friends' lives don't have to be the same as last time either. It kind of worked out for Elena, but Caroline could bet there was some bitter aftertaste to it, like it happened whenever Bonnie and Caroline met and the subject of the men they loved (and the circumstances of their death) eventually came up.

"Okay, it wasn't that bad."

"Oh, then it wasn't that good either?"

They laugh out loud.

It's hard, but at every turn of the dark, sad memories coming back, Caroline reminds herself it's a chance. Even the little things that she used to believe were futile, when her past life was just foreshadowing dreams impossible to comprehend, all those little things have brought her to this present that might feel the same at times, but it's also so different.

The biggest difference is her relationship with Stefan. She recalls many promises, and the understanding that his intentions were always true: he would not let anything happen to her. He'd be there for her. If there wasn't a most urgent, possibly deadly threat at their door.

The intentions were true, but their reality was that their time together was too short, even when they managed to sort out other problems (their hearts and their insecurities) keeping them apart.

Stefan has been by her side for a year now. He stood by her through her crazy two-lives drama, her mother's illness, her latest non-humanity round. In between that chaos, they have had many good, happy moments too. They actually had time to be just… together.

The other Caroline, the old, lonely Caroline who works as the conscience and cautionary tale at the same time, is too afraid to admit the possibility… but what if they actually make it this time? Can she hold onto that hope?

The first time she actually believes in this promise is during Jo and Alaric's wedding. Nothing goes wrong that night (for a change) except that the younger brother is absent and Jo still feels responsible for what happened to her siblings. But no one dies, no one is covered in blood, like she knows it could have happened. And when they dance under the dim lights of the garden, she thinks this is it.

They share a look while in the middle of the other many dancing couples, and soon they make it as far as they can, breathtaking kisses and burning touches until she comes undone.

This is the version of the world where happiness is at her reach.

"How many times are you going to watch these movies?" Stefan asks after she sits on the couch, ready to watch Eclipse once again.

She shrugs it off. So sue her, it's her guilty pleasure.

"Just shut up and sit here." She pats the spot next to her.

Instead, he lies down and rests his head on her lap, eyes looking at her rather rather than at the screen.

"If you don't like it, then you should actually do the work to give your opinion when we're at the stage of choosing the movie."

"Touché." He smiles. "But I'm sitting here for the live commentary."

Of course, she provides it just as he demands.

"You know what, when I first entered this whole vampire world and you introduced me to your animal diet, I got strong Cullen vibes coming from you. Scratch that. You could have been cast as Edward. Right age, angst and everything…"

"I see where this is going. You're out to ridicule me now."

She isn't above that much teasing, but soon they reach this scene where Rosalie talks about her human life and how she turned into a vampire. When she read the books, Caroline was too young, naive and human. Besides, this wasn't even an important character in Bellaland. However, now that she is thinking about it, it's so sad.

All Rosalie wanted was to be human so she could be a mother, grow old with a perfect little family.

It isn't much different from herself. Only Caroline would have let go of the perfect family's dream much easily if she didn't know what it would be like. And that's the problem. She already knows, so she can't let go of it.

So why can't accept that the cure belongs to her now?

"Why didn't you give it to Damon?"

"What do you mean?" Stefan frowns, confused.

"The cure. Why didn't you give it to your brother?"

"Damon doesn't want to be human. Why would I give it to him?" He rises, his eyes still looking deeply into her. "I'm sorry it's become a burden for you."

"No, no, it's not like that…" She struggles to find the right words. What can she say, other than she isn't ready for this life-changing decision?

She had no choice in being born. She had no choice in becoming a vampire. She had no choice in giving birth to the twins. She accepted what came to her and made the best out of it.

"Hello, lovebirds!"

Damon interrupts her thoughts and their conversation when he bursts into the living room.

He's smiling. When he's in a good mood, one can't help but be suspicious.

"What are you up to?" Caroline asks.

"Carebear, always expecting the worst."

Something in his expression must have changed, though, because she feels Stefan's body tense beside her.

"Damon, no."

"Yes, I got the ascendant. Little Parker did not want to cooperate any longer, but worry not. I found someone else."

"What are you talking about?" She glances back and forth to the Salvatores.

"I'm bringing our mother back from hell. It is time for a little family reunion, isn't that so, brother?"

She had completely forgotten about her last letter before she ran to New Orleans. Of course, once Stefan knew his mom was alive (and Valerie and the rest of the heretics with her), how could her world remain unaffected by the revelation?

It makes her sick to her stomach.

Her eyes fall on Stefan, who did not mention anything about this in the past month either.

"I'm going for a walk." She needs to stay out of this.

He's the bane of her current existence, the stalker that always finds her at her most vulnerable moments.

She's having a cappuccino at the coffee shop near her house when he comes to sit at her table.

"Sweet, sweet, Caroline. I'm glad to see you are back to your sulking days." He frowns. "Sorry, that did not sound very friendly, did it?"

She sighs loudly.

"What do you want from me, Jesus? Can you just leave me alone?"

"That's the problem with living for so long, and being an awesome psychic that finds most people's minds boring as hell. I grew fond of you, but you seem to think this friendship can only continue when you need my help."

Caroline makes the connection. Mind-reader equals obsessive stalker. Or is this a trait that Stefan inherited from Silas as well? Probably.

He even dares to throw that accusation at her, as if it wasn't always him throwing the bait to have her accept his presence in their lives.

Okay, so perhaps she grew to be a bit too comfortable with his darkness, and perhaps they could have been friends in different circumstances. In this life, where she associates him to that humanity-less time? That's a big no.

"You hurt me. All I did was take care of you."

"Fine. Thank you. Now, can you please leave me alone? What happened in Europe? It's not going to happen ever again."

"You say that now, but what about later, when Stefan brings back mommy Salvatore and the first love?"

"It doesn't have to be a problem."

As long as Lily knows the truth about Julian, as long as the Phoenix Stone is destroyed… there's a chance things don't get too bad.

Right?

He laughs.

"Suit yourself. I know you'll change your mind. I know you, Caroline."

"You," Stefan is suddenly behind her, and when she turns he is glaring at Silas "stay away from her."

"Why? Do you feel threatened? Come on, Stefan. I could take you down anyday, anytime."

"I could kill you in the blink of an eye."

Ok, this is going to turn ugly any minute now. Her hand seeks Stefan's, and she stands up, ready to leave.

"Let's go home. There's no point in listening to this."

Before they walk away, however, she turns to look at Silas one more time.

"Thank you, for taking care of me. You were a good friend, but let's not see each other again, Silas. This is not how you'll find peace, trust me."

Stefan doesn't look too happy, and he has every reason to. As always, however, he doesn't complain.

"Caroline, I won't let Damon bring back a coven of vampire witches just because of our unresolved business with our mother."

She forces herself to smile.

"That's not true, Stefan. Family comes first. I know it very well. And I understand."

He turns towards her, their hands still glued together, and his green eyes pierce into her soul. He has this serious, earnest expression in his face that makes her feel everything can be fixed.

From the first time, on that bathroom floor, when she was reborn and the veil that separated her from reality was lifted, at times when she cannot find the positive side of things, it's Stefan (usually Mr. Broody) who will cheer her up.

"Family comes first. You and I are family too, Care."

It's hard for her to breathe.

"Maybe saying this will make you want to run to the hills, but I just want you to know that five, ten, fifty or one hundred years from now, I hope you are still my best friend and my home. Anything that might put you in danger, I will not let it happen."

It's still not a proposal, and yet it's better than that, knowing that Stefan wants all those future years too.

They are in the middle of the street, but Caroline has never shied away from PDA. What she wants to do right now is to kiss him, so she wraps her arms around him, her eyes close as their lips meet, and she delights in this small, perfect moment of peace.

"Damon is going to bring your mother back. We know him very well, and you are not going to fight your brother over this. You can't. It's your mom too, Stefan."

She sees him gulping his emotions down, but they are still written all over his face.

"Before that happens, we need to find a stone and a manipulative vampire that I think it's currently just a corpse."