Do you know that besides writing this, I also took the past months to edit tons of videos in youtube with the same scenes we all know by heart now? That's how crazy I went with this ship.

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool
When you jumped in first, I went in too
I'm with you even if it makes me blue
Which takes me back
To the color that we painted your brother's wall
Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws
We wouldn't be standing here so tall.

Taylor Swift, "Paper Rings"

62. KISS YOU ONCE (CAUSE I KNOW YOU HAD A LONG NIGHT)

"Bonnie?"

"He stole my blood! When I find him, I'm gonna kill him."

When Caroline arrives at Bonnie's house, her friend is storming through the door ready to become a vampire hunter or, more specifically, a Damon hunter.

So he finally found someone crazy enough to help?

Despite his previous declarations about finding someone who could undo the prison world spell, Damon still hadn't found the witch with actual ability to do it. Bonnie refused to help, of course, and Luke did not want to be involved any longer, hating his family but unable to harm them himself.

This gave them enough time that they could track down Julian's body and burn him once and for all. Stefan was only glad to serve a bit of justice to Valerie, for as distant the memory of her was, he did not hide from Caroline that the thought of a chance that was stolen from him made him hate that man he never knew. In that world, if he had become a father, would he still fall for Katherine Pierce's charms or be fooled by her? Perhaps he could have lived a normal, human life. A happy one, without the guilt and remorse that came with taking lives.

But the Phoenix Stone is still out there, and therefore there is a chance not only for Julian to come back, but also for Rayna Cruz to turn their world upside down.

"We have to go back home now" Stefan voices, urging them to hurry and tossing Bonnie his car keys so she can meet them there.

"Do you have any idea about who is helping Damon?" Caroline asks her friend, who also just happens to be Damon's new bff.

"It's Silas."

It's not something Caroline hadn't suspected at some point, as one could never know with the ancient traveler. The travelers and the gemini coven were enemies for long enough to curse each other in the worst ways. But Silas didn't seem to care about this. He killed Kai supposedly to help her and avoid this problem of the heretics returning. Clearly, he could want one thing one day, and something different the next.

"I should have never let him in back into our lives after the Other Side destruction." She mutters as she and Stefan run to the house.

"It's not your fault, Caroline. This is what he does." Stefan tells her. "He finds his fun in playing with other people's lives."

Only that's not true.

This is Silas saying that without his help, she can't have a happy ending.

Once the heretics are back, though, there's little to do about it.

Caroline can only stand firmly by Stefan's side when his mother accuses him of wanting to leave her to root in the prison world.

"Imagine my surprise when I asked Damon about you, and he told me you did not want me here at all."

Her dearest son.

In her eyes, this must be the ultimate betrayal.

"It's not a decision I made lightly. But you were put there for a reason. Just like you left us behind and carried on with your life, I have a new family to protect now." His grip on her hand tightens, and from the corner of her eyes Caroline notices Valerie glaring at them. "Now that you and your new family are free, are you going to continue your killing spree?"

There is only one way, she realizes, to minimize the animosity that brought so much trouble in the past life.

She turns to look at Valerie, and she elbows Stefan as she does so.

"We don't have to be enemies. We were unsure before, but now we know that most of the violent acts you did back then were because of Julian. You don't have to go down that path now."

It's not completely true, of course. Heretics are too powerful, and just like with the Original family, such power reinforces the desire to give in to their worst impulses. But they also helped her once.

She mentions Julian looking at Valerie, and the slight tremor in her lips shows her, the surprise in her eyes, the expression reveals that she knows they know.

"What do you know about Julian?" Lily asks, sounding both anxious and hopeful. "Did you find him?"

"I burned him down." Stefan says, lifting up his chin. "That garbage didn't deserve to live, and perhaps you would agree with me if you knew what he did."

Lily screams and pushes him across the living room, cracking the wall in the process.

"Easy there." Damon says, shielding his brother from their mother. But Beau shoves him with a spell.

"Stop it!" Elena shouts, "these are your sons!"

Bonnie makes an attempt to intervene, but Elena holds her arm. These are syphoners and vampires, how can their friend face them without risking death?

"Is he really gone?" Valerie asks.

"Tell them," Caroline raises her voice, looking straight into her eyes. "Tell her what he did to you."

As long as the phoenix stone is out there and can be recovered, then the soul of those vampires can come back, and Julian might come back in another body. Lily might love that man, but she is also a mother, and Caroline understands this is the only way.

"How do you even know?"

"What is the girl talking about, Valerie?" Marie-Louise asks.

"Valerie?" Damon asks, looking at his brother "as in V-card Valerie?"

Stefan looks mortified to have his life exposed in front of everyone, but what to do. Caroline just wants everyone to stay alive and with their home intact.

"In 1863, Lily sent us, Julian and me, to check on Stefan."

Everyone in the room stays deadly silent.

"Later, I discovered I was with child. I was planning to go away, I wouldn't go to Europe with you. But Julian found out."

Lily locks herself in one of the empty bedrooms and most of her adoptive children guard the door like watchdogs (at least there's something less to worry about, because Lily's 'kids' have emptied their blood supply, but they haven't walked outside the house to kill anyone yet). Family first.

Damon is pissed off because his mom abandoned them for another abusive man, and keeps babbling about what a horrible mother she is until Elena takes him upstairs.

"Is it really going to be okay for you to stay under the same roof with these people?" Bonnie asks, pouring her another shot. "I mean, one of them is your boyfriend's ex."

"Bonnie, I managed to live here with Elena and Damon. I think we're gone through weider stuff."

Of course, she can hear their conversation in the front side of the house if she tries to listen to it. She is, however, trying to be mature about the whole thing. She's gone through it before (in another life he did leave with Valerie after all, although the situation was very complicated back then). Besides, she triumphed over exes who held a lot more influence on Stefan's life.

What's Valerie compared to Elena or Katherine?

He didn't even need to be compelled to forget her like the case with Rebekah.

But it's different for Valerie who's been trapped for over a century with the idea of Stefan as practically her only hope. So this is closure the woman needs.

"Wow." Bonnie sips her drink. "You've gone a long way to become the most secure woman in the world."

She wishes this were true. When it comes to Stefan, Caroline fears a lot of things, it's just that him cheating on her or choosing another woman over her isn't one of them.

Valerie throws her a nasty glare as she passes by the living room, but she disappears just as quickly as Bonnie, who just gives her an encouraging smile and leaves home. Once Enzo comes back from wherever he's gone recently, her friend will also have her hands full, or so Caroline suspects.

"Are you okay?" She asks, searching for clues in Stefan's face.

He smiles reassuringly, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"I am. It's just strange."

They have had time to talk about this before, and he always answers the same way: the past is the past, and he doesn't wonder about it when their present is already a gift.

Caroline, however, knows better, and she knows it isn't that easy to stop imagining 'what if' scenarios. Besides her natural tendency to overthink, the rewind effect in her life did not help to placate that side of her.

Her hand reaches him, and she pulls him towards her, so Stefan sits by her side, his body leaning on the back of the couch and his thumb drawing circles in the palm of her hand.

Be honest with me, that's what she silently asks, her eyes never leaving him.

"You know, when Markos gave Elena and I those visions, I could see it. I was human, and I had the perfect family, but it wasn't real. It's the same thing now, wondering about what could have happened one hundred years ago doesn't make sense." He looks into her eyes. "Because it's all those things that have brought me here. To you."

It's true. Stefan could have never written a cheesy line like "I met a girl…" about her (and god, how she laughed at these entries back in the day when reading Stefan's journals was everyone's passtime. She also secretly hopes he has written something way better about her). But it's the journey together that gives strength to their feelings for each other.

"But you still wonder…"

"I wonder if being perfectly happy can only belong to fantasies where I am human and not a killer. I've done too much, and you and I know that I don't deserve it."

She frowns.

"You do. We do. We deserve to be happy. Stefan, as long as we try to be better, and we stay together, one day, the good we do will amount to more than our mistakes. The self loathing needs to stop right now. Otherwise, how are you supposed to help your mom see reason and keep our home safe?"

His other hand brushes her hair, placing the strands behind her ear, and caressing her cheek.

"How is it that you are so young and so wise?"

It's true that forty extra years worth of memories doesn't make up for his almost two centuries.

"Someone disgustingly old once told me that the only way to survive the worst side of vampirism was to tell myself that I was strong enough. This is the same." She cups his face in her hands, because everyone can use a reminder from time to time, and Stefan is the kind of man who needs it more so.

"Disgusting, you say?" His mood lightens up, and he raises an eyebrow.

"Maybe not so disgusting. I have to keep seeing the line of ex girlfriends coming here, even staying at our house."

"I have a feeling that my brother's stunt will cost me a lot in the near future."