A/N: I want you all to know that I was really thinking Duo and Heero had their first kiss too early when I was writing that last chapter... And then realized it was 31 chapters in LOL

Chapter 32

I had never been self-conscious about my heart rate before, but now I couldn't help but worry that the harsh thump-thump-thump of my heart was clearly audible outside of my own whirlwind thoughts. It didn't help that I could feel Duo wrapped around me; well, more specifically, his arms wrapped around my waist and his chest pressed to my back as we made our way back on horseback to the inn.

I knew I was imagining the heat of his breath on the nape of my neck, but this idea only further derailed as I recalled - with vivid and knowledgeable detail - his mouth. The taste of Duo, sweet on my tongue; the warm, wet contours of his mouth; the soft plush of his lips. I remembered the small sounds he made, such as the breathy gasp when I kissed him just right; the way his body shivered under my touch when I ran coarse fingers through his hair.

I remembered he'd kissed me back.

"Uh… Heero, I think we passed the inn…"

I pulled on the reins, startled but not really showing it, and quickly turned back on to course. Duo didn't say anything else, giving only an amused little huff against my back that I seemed to feel with every nerve ending on my body.

As soon as we pulled up to the front, I leapt down first and held out a hand for him. He took it, hand holding mine, and I remembered the way those same fingers clung to me - so desperate, so fixedly - as I kissed him.

"Welcome back, Your Grace," one of the soldiers posted by the inn's entrance greeted. He took the reins from me and I realized I had yet to let go of Duo's hand - and that he didn't seem to mind, instead smiling in greeting at Sayaka who was loitering around nearby.

I escorted Duo inside, his hand still held in my own, and I wondered if it always felt like this: my steps felt so much lighter, Duo looked so much lovelier (if that was somehow possible), and even the soldiers' stuttering greetings didn't bother me as much as before.

It was as we stepped fully into the inn's dining hall and I caught sight of Wufei and Quatre talking over tea that I remembered I was sharing a room with Duo.

"...Duo," I said with a suddenly dry throat, catching my husband's attention. "I… I need to speak with Quatre. Please go ahead and rest in the room."

Duo stared at me, looking put-off - as if he was disappointed! - before giving a hesitant nod. "Sure... I'm gonna order something to be brought up though, that okay?"

"Yes, of course," I replied, glaring in my friends' direction when they looked up and saw me, the nonverbal 'stay there' coming across loud and clear.

I reluctantly let go of Duo's hand and he wandered in the direction of the innkeeper, one of the Duchess Guards falling into step with him to chat. I turned back around and moved in my advisors' direction, still glaring at them.

I was too distracted to even be annoyed that my glare yet again did not phase them, both Wufei and Quatre only quietly watching me approach with curious eyes. "We need to speak immediately," I said as soon as I neared them.

Their inquisitive looks turned sharper, and I saw Quatre's eyes dart behind me and to Duo, who was currently speaking with the innkeeper. He was ordering some food to be brought up since we missed dinner, although there was some bickering as Mikhail and Simon started adding to the order, clearly thinking Duo needed to eat more.

"Let's go to my roo-" Wait, Duo was there! "...Let's go to Quatre's room."

"It's my room too."

Wufei grabbed my wrist before I could pull out my sword on reflex. I turned my head to glare at Trowa, now standing behind me. "One of these days, I'm going to gut you and Quatre won't even blame me for it," I hissed at him.

"Maybe, but I would be pretty upset," Quatre idly commented, standing up to lead the way back to his room.

Trowa's visible eye landed squarely on the blonde. "You're always pretty, upset or not upset."

With a despondent sigh and roll of the eyes, Wufei stood as well. He was seemingly considering excusing himself from this talk and also our friendship, but duty made him follow us up and out of the room. I gave Duo one last parting glance and noticed the way his eyes followed us out before he was distracted by something his guards had added to his order.

Once we were safely ensconced in Quatre's relatively nice suite - the only one with a better room was Duo - I turned to look out the window. The night sky was alight with stars and a half-full moon, and I could easily picture it as the backdrop to Duo's slender form, reclined in his nightwear atop our bed.

"Duo and I... " I started, trailing off as the memory once again surged to the forefront of my mind.

We kissed. I kissed him and he hadn't pushed me away; instead, he'd held me closer, looked at me with those beautiful violet eyes and wanted more. It was like being spellbound; I couldn't have denied Duo anything in that moment.

I would have offered him the world if that's what he had wanted - but Duo hadn't wanted the world, he had wanted me. He had wanted me to hold him, to kiss him; his tongue had slid across mine and I had seen starlight. The flower I had tucked behind his ear had fallen when I ran my fingers through his hair, when I'd sent pleasurable shivers down his spine at my very touch.

I'd kissed him, and he had wanted it - he had wanted me.

"Duo and I, we…we kissed."

I got three facial expressions in reaction to this statement: delight (Quatre), disgust (Wufei), and disinterest (Trowa).

"Congratulations on finally kissing your own husband, Your Grace," Trowa told me dryly.

Quatre sharply elbowed his lover in the gut without looking at him. "How wonderful! You took him to the flower field, right? That was very romantic."

That hadn't really been intentional. I just knew that Duo enjoyed flowers and thought that he would like to see the local meadow. He'd gone through a lot on this journey so far and yet had not complained once, even with the constant hovering around him by the others.

This was not too unusual for Duo though; even before his amnesia, he hardly complained during the trips to and from the Capital. He definitely kept to himself a lot more though, sometimes hiding away in his tent if we camped out or remaining in his carriage with Hilde. Meilan had even refused to sit in the carriage with him on most trips, opting to instead ride horseback with us.

"...Are we really here to talk about you kissing the Duchess?" Wufei complained.

I glared at him. "No."

Although kissing Duo had been wonderful and something I wanted to do over and over again, forever - it was also something that I wanted to keep to myself. Duo had been beautiful and wonderful and needy in that moment, and that vulnerability was something I did not want to share with other people.

"I… I need advice," I began haltingly. This was more personal than I felt comfortable sharing, but I needed information if I wanted to do this right. The last time I'd ever discussed this topic, I had been 15 and my father had only handed me a manual that was then discarded the night of my marriage.

My three friends waited for me to elaborate. I turned my gaze to the window so I wouldn't have to look at them and reminded myself this was for Duo.

"...On how to have sex with a man."

Wufei was gone the moment the last word had left my mouth, Trowa's laughter echoing in his steps.

I didn't end up going back to my room that night, as Trowa ensured I had every single bit of advice he could think of and then some. I ended up sending Quatre back to the room I shared with Duo, which also disappointingly resolved the issue I thought may arise if I shared a bed with him while remembering our kiss from earlier.

Breakfast the following morning was taken in the inn's dining area, although as usual, I was among the first ones up to ensure preparations were underway for the continuation of our trek to the Capital. I was already partly through my breakfast when Duo and Meilan finally made their appearance, joining myself, Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei for the meal.

"I can't believe you abandoned me to Quatre," Duo complained, taking the seat next to me and lightly jostling my side with his elbow. "You know he snores?"

Quatre frowned, "I do not."

"I could hear you breathing from the other bed. That's snoring."

"It is not, and I am not even that heavy of a breather-"

Trowa eyed his lover askance. "Well…"

Duo smiled in victory as the two other men devolved into a mini discussion regarding Quatre's sleeping habits, leaning closer to me once he was sure everyone else's attention was successfully diverted. The smile had slid from his face and his violet eyes showed only concern, eyebrows furrowed in that way that showed he was hesitant to continue.

"Is everything alright?" Duo asked, voice so quiet it was almost a breath. "Did something happen last night…?"

I shook my head, replying just as quietly, "Everything is fine and we're making good progress in our travel."

Duo nodded in understanding, leaning slightly away but shooting me a look every now and then. The hesitance was still in his expression, which meant there was something he was worried about but not sharing. This wasn't such an unusual expression on the Duo I knew before the expedition; there were plenty of things Duo was concerned with that he hardly shared with me, thoughts that would distract him and eat away at his attention, sometimes even in the middle of conversations. Solo Maxwell had explained it as a habit Duo had shown since early childhood.

He didn't have to worry alone anymore though, especially not when he was currently so much more willing to take my help. I didn't push it, instead just laying one hand over his where it rested on the bench, my fingers sliding over his gently before I worked them in between his own digits, threading our hands together.

Duo jolted, head whipping down to look at our joined hands as if surprised by it. I saw Wufei out of the corner of my eye noticing Duo's sudden movements, before shooting me a disgruntled look as if I was being indecent.

Feeling emboldened since Duo had not taken his hand back, I pulled our joined hands up and kissed the back of his.

"I apologize for leaving you to Quatre's poor sleeping habits," I told him, using my thumb to caress his. "There was a...personal inadequacy of mine I needed to discuss with Commander Barton."

Duo's wide-eyed gaze met mine.

"If it is any consolation, your beauty remains undisturbed."

I couldn't help the glance at his lips as I said it. The soft skin of his hand was wonderful in its own right, but nothing would ever beat the way his lips had fluttered against mine, the way he tasted on my tongue, the soft-drawn breaths that slid into my mouth. Kissing Duo was the sweetest addiction, and I could imagine doing it all day long. I could imagine doing it right now even-

"Your Grace," Trowa interrupted, expression nonplussed but standing right beside us. "If you're finished with your meal, we should go over the final preparations before heading out."

Meilan stabbed a breakfast sausage, utterly refusing to look in our direction. "Yeah, get out of here so we can eat in peace," she grumbled without any real ire.

I disentangled mine and Duo's hands, catching the light blush now adorning his cheeks. As I stood and vacated my seat, Duo watched me quietly - the little furrow between his brows still present.

I bent down to place a quick kiss to it.

"I'll see you later," I told him.

Duo didn't look inclined to responding, but Trowa hooked a hand around my arm and hauled me out before I could be sure.

We were making good time on our way to the Capital. We only had to camp out twice before we hit the next town, and though Duo spent most of that time in the carriage or in his own tent, it hadn't been like before where others were wary of crossing him; instead, it wasn't odd to see Meilan or Quatre venture inside, or even Wufei after Duo started leaving random notes tucked into his belongings in lieu of the full-blown letters they had traded previously.

Duo had not really come back to my tent since our kiss in the meadow, but that was not much of a concern; after a certain point, everyone got travel lethargy, so it wasn't unusual for that to be hitting Duo now. We still ate meals together side-by-side and shared conversation when I came across him in camp, but I did tend to be busy either escorting the carriage or keeping a vigilant watch of my men and the surroundings.

After that episode with the wild bear that had attacked Duo and the others while bathing, I felt the same heightened sense of paranoia the others did whenever Duo left our sight. I wanted to let Duo enjoy what freedoms he had, but I could just as easily see why his guard and the others were so protective when it came to his safety.

Keeping Duo safe without smothering him was key in ensuring his comfort. It didn't help that he was very attuned to when he was being followed, so that even if his guards wanted to remain hidden to give him the illusion of being alone, he always knew they were there.

Duo never really complained about it, aside from a mutter here and there. He seemed to understand the concern but didn't necessarily agree with it; however, with Hilde Schbeiker still in recovery, he was more compliant since he seemed to believe this protection detail was more for her benefit than his own.

The further east we went, the more towns we were sure to cross. One such town was in the Bernett province, a moderately-sized town by the name of Oakwall. It was only a couple days' worth of travel between it and Gilbury, which was enough incentive that it felt as if we fairly flew there at our speed.

There wasn't much in Oakwall despite its size, although the view made up for it otherwise. The inn we had reserved was one that faced the wide river that bisected the town, fishermen's boats strung up along the bank, sharing the space with steep steps and riverbed flora. It was a very picturesque view, all in all, and something I knew Trowa for taking advantage of whenever we passed through.

True to habit, after we had fully settled into the inn, Trowa had absconded with Quatre. Wufei and Meilan, who shared similarly extreme views on both justice and romance, were instead quietly discussing something in their native tongue over a plate of nuts and cups of tea.

I found who I was looking for near the entrance: Duo was chatting with Lyle and Sayaka, looking just a little too devious in the face of their puppy-eyed awe. I'll never quite understand what he'd done for the past year that got some of my best men wrapped around his finger, but I wasn't going to question something I personally found to be a good thing (despite Trowa's complaints).

"...I'm pretty sure it will explode," I heard Sayaka saying as I drew closer. "But we could probably chance it."

...Maybe Trowa's complaints had some validity.

Before Duo could enthusiastically agree to something that definitely sounded like it would increase the risk to his health, I stepped up beside him. "No explosions," I stated, turning to Duo and ignoring Sayaka's crestfallen look. "Duo, if you're free, would you care to join me for a light walk? They say the river looks beautiful at sunset."

Duo seemed surprised at the invitation, but nodded in acquiescence quickly enough. He slipped a tentative hand into the crook of my elbow, looking at me as if to gauge the reaction, which made me wonder - just like me, was he also agonizing over whether we should hold hands or just go arm-in-arm?

Each had its own benefits. Holding hands meant I could feel Duo's satiny skin under my fingertips, could rub the pads of my fingers over his, tantalizing and pleasurable. Going arm-in-arm denied me the feel of his skin on mine, but it brought our bodies closer together; I would be able to feel the warmth of him bundled close and feel the faint outline of his lithe build and muscles beneath the fabric.

Duo kept his hand in the crook of my elbow as we stepped through the inn's doors and into the cooling summer air. I felt almost bereft at the small distance between us, but realized that I no longer had to hold myself back quite as much as I did before the expedition - so I slipped my arm out of his hold and retook his hand in my own.

Duo looked down at our joined hands, the little furrow between his brows once more on display. "...Heero, you know you don't have to push yourself," he told me, not quite meeting my eyes.

It took me a moment to respond to that, so bewildered by the comment. "...If going on a walk is considered pushing myself, I'd make a pretty shit general."

Duo stilled, then burst out laughing.

"You- And with such a straight face," he cackled, unwittingly leaning on to me with the force of his laughter. "That-That isn't what I was getting at!"

We earned a few curious glances from those nearby, but given our commoner attire, their interest soon moved on. Duo was still snickering as we continued our walk to the riverbed. It was not a fast-going river but it was wide enough, offering some measure of fishing given the boats docked at the sides. There was a well-worn trail down the grassy slope to it that also followed parallel to the river, and there were already some people making their way along its edges for their own pleasant strolls.

Duo had recovered from his bout of laughter as we descended the gentle slope, subtly testing his grip on my hand as if he were unsure he should be holding it. I firmly gripped his back as I escorted him to the river's edge. The locals were right to be boastful of their river, especially at this time of day: between the soft red glow of the setting sky and the tranquil flow of the river causing the boats to rock gently against their posts, cushioned by plentiful grass and riverbed flowers, it painted a serenely romantic scene.

Would Duo allow me to kiss him here as well?

It was in public, but those traversing along the trail hardly paid attention to anyone else. There were even a few young couples cuddled together, a clear indication that it was common to use this setting for the lovesick.

There was still some notion of propriety we needed to follow, though Duo didn't seem to care much about that these days as a result of the amnesia. I tried my best to follow along and not take advantage of it, but given the warmth at my side and the memory of his sweet, tender lips - it was difficult not to want a little taste now.

I maintained a slow, idle pace as we walked along the river's trail. Although there were people here and there, it hardly seemed overly-populated; there were some patches clear of any spectators, but we passed those as well until I'd found one that suited Duo best: a nearly-empty stretch where the closest person was an older couple slowly walking away, with a light dotting of multicolored flowers some steps away from the river's edge.

I drew to a stop beside a patch of wildflowers, letting go of Duo's hand so I could pluck a fresh daisy from the ground. It was a small and delicate thing in full bloom, and I held it out to Duo with a tentative hand.

"For you," I offered. It's as lovely as you, and just as delicate, I kept to myself.

Duo stared at the proffered flower for a long moment, so much so that I almost regretted it and wanted to take it back - but his fingers grazed my own as he took it from me, though his eyes never once lifted from the flower.

"You know…" he began, with a tone I'd never heard him use before. It was almost like he wanted to sound as if he were making idle conversation, but instead there was some kind of choked quality to it, a hesitance that set me on edge. "As I said before… You don't have to push yourself."

...At flower-picking? I did not vocalize this query since it seemed like he was going to continue. I hoped he did, because I could not make heads or tails of such a comment. Exactly what did he think was taxing me so much?

The flower spun in his hand as he fidgeted, twirling the stem and refusing to meet my eyes. "I mean, I… It's great, you know? But it's okay if you don't do it, especially if you don't want to or don't like it."

I really don't dislike picking flowers that much. I didn't much care, to be honest; as long as I got to spend time with Duo, I didn't much care what we did as long as we were together. What the hell have the others been telling him?

"I don't need this much out of obligation. You shouldn't be pushing yourself just to make me feel better…"

Duo didn't continue, so clearly I was supposed to understand something from that. I reached out with both hands for his own to hold, stilling his fidgeting movements as I slid my fingers back into the hold of his right hand and gently grasping the wrist of his left, which held the daisy.

"I'm not pushing myself," I told him, keeping my tone as honest as possible. "I enjoy spending time with you. Flower viewing is not the hassle you're making it out to be..."

Duo's head whipped up, violet eyes wide as a look of confusion fell across his face. "Flower view-? What are you talking about?"

I blinked. "What… What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about us kissing, Heero!"

It almost felt like a physical blow as his words recontextualized themselves in my mind. All this time - he had been talking about the kiss? Things like pushing myself, like doing it out of obligation… That was all about our kiss?

Did Duo regret kissing me? He had become more hesitant since then, looking almost confused when I tried to show him affection, but I had attributed that to his shyness regarding public displays of affection. But the notion that I was forcing myself to show him my regard - rather than Duo regretting kissing me, wasn't it more like he believes I regretted kissing him?

"Duo… Do you not want to kiss?" I asked him, trying to understand. I ignored the sting of hurt at the possibility that this was Duo once again trying to take a step back from me. The idea that he abhorred that moment of intimacy in the meadow, that the moment I so adored and celebrated was causing Duo harm was more than upsetting.

Duo's eyes darted away from me. "This isn't about- It doesn't matter what I want! I'm talking about-"

"It matters to me," I interrupted him sharply. "I want to know - Duo, do you want to kiss me?"

Duo's eyes met mine, frenzied and spurned. "It's you, Heero!" he replied bitterly. There was a manic edge to his eyes, to his voice; the way his lips tightened at the corners, the same way they always did before they split into that visceral mockery of a smile he wore when he wanted to lash out, was reminiscent of that time in the corridor when I had tried to dismiss Hilde Schbeiker.

Before the icy pit in my gut could unfurl, though, he continued just as heatedly. " Of course I want to kiss you! But you don't want to kiss me!"

I felt my hands tighten around him. It was almost as if I could not understand the words as he spoke them, and indeed I could not strung together like that. I could not conceive of a time where I did not want to kiss Duo, did not want to hold him, did not love him. I wanted that, so longingly and so bitterly, for such a long time before - and now that I had a small taste of it, I never wanted to stop.

"I want to kiss you," I told him.

Duo shook his head, pulling weakly away. "You're just saying that because you feel obligated to, as my husband," he insisted, not able to meet my eyes. "But it's okay, even if we're married for now, you don't have to kiss me just 'cause people expect you to-"

"I want to kiss you," I said again, pulling him back towards me. For now? My heart stuttered at the qualifier, and I recalled that damned list of his I'd burnt that detailed the reasons I should banish him. Is that what was feeding into this? Did Duo think our marriage was something temporary, and that I would discard him if I could? "Duo, I want you."

" Stop saying that," Duo said, voice too weak to be anything but a heart-stricken plea. "W-We kissed, and you… You couldn't even look at me afterwards."

What-? "Afterwards… At the inn?"

Duo was trembling lightly in my hold. "You wouldn't even talk to me on the way back to the inn." That's because I kept remembering the kiss, and was trying to control myself and not stop every minute or so to kiss you again. "And when we got back, you immediately went to talk to Quatre… And you didn't even come back to the room, you just sent him instead…"

I reframed that evening again in my mind. I had been holding myself back so much, and so eager to find out more so that I would be ready for when Duo wanted to take things further - but to Duo, who had felt ignored and slighted, it would have seemed like I was the one who regretted kissing him and was creating distance between us.

It sickened me to think of him bearing that - feeling rejected, feeling unwanted. I remembered those feelings keenly during our courtship and the start of our marriage, and never wanted him to feel the same thing even though he had been the source of my own experience.

"Duo, I was speaking with Trowa that night," I began. It was embarrassing to admit this, but I'd rather suffer embarrassment than Duo's doubt. "I needed to ask him about intimate relations between men."

Duo froze in my hold, gaze whipping back up to stare at me in surprise.

I stubbornly continued on, "The reason I did not talk to you on the way back is because all I could think about was kissing you again. If I gave in, we'd never have made it back to the inn."

I released his hand in order to brush my fingertips down the side of his face. His breath hitched at the motion, but his eyes never once left me. I leaned a little closer to him, saw the way his eyes darkened at our closing proximity.

"Duo - I want you," I breathed out. "Both then and now."

I felt his hand grip my own a little harder, felt his other curl at my chest as if he didn't know whether to pull me closer or push me away. That's the way it always felt with Duo: the dance of push and pull, wanting more no matter how much had been given.

"May I kiss you now?" I asked him.

Our lips were so close that it seemed almost a moot point, but yet it wasn't me who closed that minuscule distance - Duo did as he pulled free from my hold, but only to wrap his arms around my neck as his lips met mine in full.

I could never get enough of him, and it felt like I never would. I wrapped one hand around his waist, the other on his back, and pulled him even closer. I knew, distantly, we were still outside where anyone could see us - but I couldn't have cared less. I felt Duo's tongue, warm and wet at the corner of my lips, and that was all the invitation I needed to part my lips and feel him against my own.

Kissing Duo was like satiating a growing hunger. I would never get sick of it, never have enough of it - but I was still content with what I did get, still savored every taste and movement. My senses heightened, sharpening to focal points so that the world narrowed down just to us, a repeating chorus of Duo, Duo, Duo...

"...Seriously? In public?"

Duo sprang away from me, surprisingly strong as he tore out of my grip and took a few unsteady steps backwards. Violet eyes wide in his face, my eyes lingered on his adorably flustered expression and kiss-bruised lips for only a moment before turning a murderous look on our interloper.

Trowa, arm-in-arm with Quatre, stared back at us blandly. "Seriously? In public?"

"You already said that, love," Quatre sighed, smacking Trowa lightly on the arm in admonishment.

I was going to murder my friends. Commander Broden would be a perfectly serviceable Commander of the armed forces, and Wufei could be made our master tactician. Or I could just follow Meilan's strategy, which was essentially no strategy and all violence, but at least that meant I would get to kiss Duo all I wanted without being interrupted and ridiculed.

"Shouldn't you two be making out somewhere or something?" Duo complained, voice a little shaky as he tugged at his clothes to straighten them out. The unimpressed look both men leveled at him made him shirk away, shuffling back to my side as if to hide behind me.

"It's getting dark so we were heading back to the inn," Quatre reported. "Were you coming along as well, Your Graces, or were you going to make use of the lack of visibility?"

Duo made a quiet keening noise behind my shoulder.

I just glared at the blonde. "Quatre, you're fired."

My once-friend and soon-to-be-terminated advisor didn't even deign my order with a response, instead just giving us a pleased little smile that was pretty much an indicator that he was going to tease us about this for a good long while.

"Well, if you're done, shall we head back for dinner?" Quatre suggested brightly.

Trowa snorted. "If they weren't done, would we have to wait?"

"Fucking voyeurs," Duo snipped back petulantly.

"I see your court etiquette lessons with Miss Hilde are still ongoing, Your Grace."

"I hope you get saddleburn, asshole."

Before the two could devolve into another one of their childish arguments, I grabbed Duo's hand to hold. "We should start heading back," I said, instantly distracting him from the amused gazes of the other pair. I was disappointed we couldn't stay out here longer, but there weren't a lot of lights out once the sun fully set and we neglected to bring torches with us.

Duo's eyes were trained on me, so on impulse, I kissed the back of his hand. In the waning light of the setting sun, I could see the way he bit back a smile, a warm flush over his features that settled a similar heat in my gut.

"In public?" Trowa bemoaned again.

Traveling with Duo had never been an easy journey to make. This was not due to the delicate sensibilities often displayed by Sanc's nobles, wherein travel time longer than a week tended to make them irritable and more apt to lashing out at their servants. I still remembered the time when Marquis Septum was made to visit the troops along the border for an inspection and how bitterly he complained the entire time about the conditions he himself had to endure as a guest, despite having been given every conceivable comfort.

Duo had never made such extravagant demands while traveling, although I'd strived to provide what luxury I could during such trips. Separate tents had been a given; Duo hadn't asked but after we'd presented it to him during his first trip to the Yuy province, he'd been practically docile the entire night we made camp.

What really became challenging when it had come to traveling with Duo was his interactions with the force traveling with us. Given how close the campsite was, it was unavoidable to meet Duo unless he was hidden away in his tent. The blowout when Trowa had suggested he do so during our first trip had been bloody.

My friend could hold his own against most everyone, but I don't think anyone had really been prepared for Duo's skills at pinpointing every single mental weakness someone had and then pouring salt in those wounds. It had gotten to the point where both Quatre and I had to intervene, Quatre to pull his husband away and me to distract Duo enough in order for him to do so. That had only been the start of Duo's and Trowa's absolutely volatile relationship, something contemptuous that endured months later as we set off on our expedition.

So this was...new.

"Stop telling Frederick to climb trees," Duo said, voice and eyes equally cutting. It was an expression so reminiscent of him before amnesia that I couldn't help the way my eyes lingered on him, even as he continued. "He keeps trying to climb them wearing full armor and falling. He's going to crack his head open if this continues."

Trowa's expression, as subtle as it appeared, was unbothered. "It's good training," he replied blandly. "The rest of your guards can do it-"

"They can do it because they're FREAKS who have been scaling walls in full armor for months."

Mikhail, hovering nearby, pouted. "Wow, Your Grace - I am right here."

"Yeah, and you're a freak," Duo retorted with a quick glare at the Duchess Guard Captain. "I'm trying to make sure there's at least one normal person around me."

"They say if you spend enough time around someone, you start picking up their tics," Trowa stated, tone idle. "So perhaps your guards are reflecting elements of what you show them, Your Grace."

Duo snorted, "I don't want to hear that from the guy who helped a mountain cat give birth."

I felt more than saw Trowa's betrayed look shoot my way.

"Don't look at Heero like that, Wufei's the one who told me all the gory details," Duo said. "Like how you shoved your hand up-"

"I'm eating, I'm eating!" Takeo cried out, stopped mid-chew as he worked on swallowing some jerky.

Duo looked at his guard with a creeping vindictive grin. "There's nothing grotesque about the miracle of life, Takeo," he began sagely. "Why do you think your dear Commander here got covered in gooey cat placenta-"

Takeo started to turn green, jerky disappearing from his hand as the mental images took hold.

"Do you think I bathed in it?" I heard Trowa grumble.

Duo gave him a long, judgmental look.

"If you're so interested in placenta, Your Grace, I can get some for you," Trowa offered. "It is supposed to be good for your health."

"Yeah? You just have a placenta supplier ready on hand, do you?"

"For you, Your Grace, I can certainly try."

They stared at each other.

"If you ever feel like being able to see out of both eyes, I can have Tsubasa trim your bangs, Commander."

Translation: Your hair is stupid.

"It's fortunate you were able to take a bath, you were starting to smell a little ripe the other day, Your Grace."

Translation: You stink.

...Well, at least this was an improvement on their relationship from before.

...I think.

"Isn't it nice when they get along?" Quatre said with a small smile in my direction, lightly squeezing my shoulder as he moved past me. His steady pace never wavered, even as he hooked one hand around Trowa's elbow and started to tow his still-glaring husband away. Duo waited until Trowa was just about to be dragged around the corner of a tent before flipping him off.

"And how are those dandy etiquette lessons coming along, Your Grace?" Mikhail asked, pleasant and passive-aggressive.

"Heero, fire Mikhail," Duo said, not even looking at the man as he held up his long rope of hair to his nose to take a cautious sniff.

"Mikhail, you're fired," I dutifully replied.

Mikhail mock-frowned. "A simple 'the lessons aren't going well' would have sufficed," he complained.

Duo didn't acknowledge the complaint, only grinned at me as he idled over to my side in order to steal some of the dried fruit I'd been snacking on. I watched him pop the small piece of dried cranberry in between his lips and forcibly stifled my urge to follow it with my tongue.

To distract myself, I reached down for his long braid and held it up close to my face. He'd bathed the other night, so it still smelled vaguely of his soap, but his sun-kissed skin gave off its own pleasant scent. "You smell lovely, as always," I told him, placing a soft kiss on his braid.

Wufei accused me of having a hair fetish the other day, but that's because he would never understand the feeling of running his fingers through Duo's soft tresses. (And he better never understand that feeling.) It was common for Sanc nobles, particularly ladies and dandies, to have long hair; but Duo's hair was exceptional, even by those standards. Soft, chestnut-colored waves cascaded to his slim waist, healthy under the glow of the sun and sinfully inviting at night, especially when Duo laid beside me and within reach.

Duo's skin flushed pink under my gaze as he stared back at me with darkened eyes. I couldn't help myself, releasing his hair in order to pick up another dried cranberry to hold up to his slightly-parted lips. I slipped it in slowly, fingertips gliding briefly over the curve of his lips as I withdrew.

Duo ducked his head and took a halting step back from me. I didn't follow him, fingers still tingling from that small touch, though I did take another cranberry and slipped it into my own mouth, making sure to hold his gaze as my fingers touched my own lips in an indirect kiss.

"I-I'm…" Duo swallowed dryly. "I… I gottatalktoMeilanBYE!"

He quickly turned, grabbing Takeo by the back of his shirt and hauling him away despite the guard's cries about his unfinished meal, Mikhail following them with a large grin. I watched them go for a moment, aware of the camp still moving around; no one had really been close enough to witness that aside from Mikhail and Takeo, which I was privately grateful for because there was only so many public decency lectures I could take from Wufei.

Duo was surprisingly easily flustered by such displays of affection. It was an interesting thing to learn, and something that perhaps I was taking too much enjoyment in… But I liked that I could do it. I liked that Duo responded to it, that I could garner such reactions from him.

It's possible this was because of the amnesia. If he didn't remember his former paramours, then it was possible he didn't remember exactly what he'd done with them. That was something even I nor the servants knew; such public displays of affection had never been tolerated by Duo, no matter who they came from.

There was one time where Trant Clark, drunk off the feeling of being able to have more access to my husband than me, attempted to run his hand through Duo's hair. The expression on Duo's face when the man's fingers had grazed those chestnut strands had been staggering ; Trant had quickly withdrawn his hand, looking as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over his head.

I'd felt slightly vindicated by the action. It was one thing to know that Duo hated me and could barely stand to be in my presence; it was another thing to know this was the attitude he took with others as well, even those with pure noble blood. Trant Clark had been tolerated only because he was easy to use, and Duo would have used all at his disposal to ensure his place in the Sanc court.

"Ah - Your Grace the Duke."

I paused at the words, taking a half-step turn in the direction of the voice. "...Professor G," I nodded in greeting to the old artisan.

Professor G was a peculiar man from a province of peculiar people. I did not subscribe to the same unintentional othering as some of my men did, who observed the customs and traditions of people like Duo and Asahi and decided them strange from the offset; even so, there definitely was something different about those who hailed from the Maxwell province - and Professor G was another case in point.

I'd met the man over a year ago. He'd been recommended by Solo Maxwell when I'd mentioned building Duo a greenhouse at the Yuy provincial estate; I'd originally planned to hire local architects to design and help build it, but they did not have a master's hand when it came to the more sloping structures prominent in the Maxwell duchy, so I'd opted to request blueprints from a master architect from Maxwell.

Professor G definitely knew his craft, and the resulting building had been beautiful and something Duo had appreciated, despite how little favor he showed me. My own exposure to Professor G had been minimal, as he usually stayed in the Capital, and most of the interaction and input prior to the submission of the greenhouse blueprints fell on Solo Maxwell's end.

Perhaps that was why the greenhouse had been so easy to burn down with one fallen lantern - because I'd left the original design up to an old artisan ignorant of court politics and a man whose relationship with Duo could never be described as 'functional'.

"...Are you well?" I asked after a moment in consideration. It was only polite, and despite the failure of his first creation, the Death's Door he'd made for my husband was exquisite. It was proper to at least ensure he was in good health while traveling with us.

"As well as can be expected," Professor G replied shortly. I recognized the phrase for what it truly meant: there's nothing more that can be done. It was a commonly-used response in the Maxwell province when asked about how things were going, hinting at the inevitability so prominent in their customs: ask how things are going, then resign yourself to the inevitable end. Create something beautiful, then reduce it to ash.

My father hadn't really appreciated the connotations of it, and it had been a sticking point between himself and Duke Maxwell. There was something about that inevitability, that all-encompassing expectation of finality, that had… well, made those who followed the Harvester seem a little off.

I could see it, sometimes, in Duo - both before and after his amnesia. It was like his own mortality was inconsequential; not quite the invincibility borne of ignorance, so commonly found in the young. It was more like death was only one of many possible results, and as unimportant as a smack on the hand.

"Thank you for your work on the Duchess's altar," I told him. As the payment had been made by Duo's guards and a substantial donation from Quatre, I didn't know the actual amount - but given the number of gemstones and the craftsmanship, it definitely had not been cheap.

Professor G didn't really acknowledge the gratitude, but I wasn't bothered by that - again, people from Maxwell tended to be a little odd. "The Duchess has prayed to it every night," came out of his mouth instead, one visible eye looking somewhere past me despite being pointed in my direction.

It didn't sound like a question. "...Yes," I agreed shortly. Despite everything, Professor G should also be unaware of Duo's amnesia - something that had remained hidden even from some of the peripheral soldiers here in camp. The only ones in the know should be Duo's personal guard and my inner circle; this would also serve as practice for Duo, as we intended to keep his amnesia secret from the servants in the Capital estate as well.

I liked to think best of the people who worked under me, but I was not always allowed that luxury. The servants in the provincial estate were different; they had met me far earlier and had grown into their positions at the residence, and did not often leave the city, much less the province.

In contrast, the servants at the Capital estate tended to be hired from that population; their loyalty was first and foremost to their home, not necessarily their employer. This wouldn't be such an issue as we were also loyal to the kingdom, but much like the nobles of Sanc, servants from the Capital had a certain pomp that was not easily overlooked.

In short, Quatre did not trust them and I was inclined to agree.

"And you, Your Grace?"

I looked back at G in quiet contemplation. "I do not follow the Harvester faith," I reminded him. I respected Duo's beliefs but followed my own.

Professor G looked at me with sharp eyes. "Of course," he said. "But do you pray every night as well?"

Something about that question set me on edge. It wasn't the words nor the tone - no, it was something about the man's gaze, reminiscent of a memory I'd long buried and was kept just out of reach of recalling.

"Peacemillion does not require daily prayer," I replied.

Professor G smiled. "Ah - is that what J told you?"

My sword was in my hand and at his throat before he'd even finished the question. To his credit, the man did not even flinch - maintaining that calm, level stare I recognized in the face of another.

"How do you know Doctor J?" I asked flatly.

While I had lived in the isolated outskirts with my mother, only three people had ever known my real identity as the bastard son of Duke Odin Lowe Yuy. Naturally, this included both my parents - but it also included my mentor, Doctor J.

He was someone I thought I had long put to rest.

"We're old comrades," Professor G replied, as calmly as if we were talking about the weather. "Of similar interests."

W

I

N

G.

The name shuddered through me, electric and bloodied. The feel of a pulse not my own, of power that thrummed through every nerve and vein that I only had the loosest sense of control over. It was that razor's edge that separated man from inhumanity, glimpsed only through battle or prayer or the dark inevitably of death.

It was merciless and unending; it was something I could not live without.

"Interesting to see how you've gathered them," Professor G continued on, undisturbed by my reaction and by the subtle change in the air. "Particularly the one from the Long Clan. I imagine Oh was not too happy when the Chang boy received it instead of his wife."

I need to kill him- He knows too much, he can't possibly be allowed to live-

"Very romantic of him though," Professor G mused. "You have to truly love someone to sacrifice so much of yourself to become the vessel."

"Shut up."

Professor G's eye bored into me for a long moment. I thought about killing him - one more kill, what difference would it make? - but how would I explain his death to my knights? To Duo? No, I had to wait until later when we were no longer grouped together, when it would be none of our concern if he were to suddenly go missing or turn up dead.

I sheathed my sword, taking in G's casual regard. "Do not speak of matters which are irrelevant to you," I ordered him, voice low and dangerous. "Unless you wish to meet your old comrade again."

The smile that twisted Professor G's lips was familiar in its callousness. "You are more than welcome to be wary of me, Your Grace," he allowed, mellow and unbothered - as all truly devout Harvester believers were in the face of death. "But if you were to keep an eye on someone, it should be that husband of yours."

I let my sword remain in its scabbard but could taste it the very moment the air changed, could feel the way G's blood pumped in his veins, could practically feel what it would be like to crush that throat in my hand.

G's gaze went past me - in the direction, I now realized, Duo had gone in not too long ago.

"There's a reason they did not let him out of that house until he was old enough to lie."

A/N: Duo has the longer chapters, but Heero has the hornier ones...

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