A few minutes after Harvey storms out of Donna's office, her laptop pings; a message from him. When she opens it, she sees he has sent Donald Grayson an invite for a new meeting, in two days. Hurriedly, she pulls her calendar up, silently hoping she won't be able to make it. But the meeting is already in there. She blows out an exasperated breath; Harvey is barely able to manage his own calendar, but apparently he felt this was important enough to manage hers.
Donna stays in her office the rest of the day. Partly avoiding Harvey, partly at war with herself, trying to focus on her work. But her mind keeps drifting. To Grayson and everything that happened. But also to Harvey. She hates it when he's angry with her. Especially when he has the right to be angry. And he has, she will admit that. She should have talked to him. But she is terrified of his reaction.
At the end of the day, a soft knock on the doorframe catches Donna's attention. She has just managed to get herself to focus on work, but when she sees Harvey standing in front of her, she puts her pen down. She looks at him, and slowly exhales when she notices he doesn't seem angry anymore. He meets her eyes, "are you ready to head home?" He asks. Her lips curve into a smile, albeit an apologetic one, "I have to wrap this up." She bites on her bottom lip.
Harvey nods, "alright. I'll go and pick up groceries. Anything you want?" Donna shakes her head, "I'm good. I'll finish up, see you at home." He smiles and nods and then he leaves her office. She slumps back in her chair. Apparently his anger earlier was just in the heat of the moment and now he has cooled down. Which only makes her feel guilty. Because he has every right to be angry, and when she tells him what she has kept from him for so long, he will be even angrier.
After working for another hour and a half, Donna is finally finished. She quickly texts Harvey that she's on her way and then she heads home. When she walks in, she finds him in the kitchen, stirring in a pot. He has taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. There's soft music playing in the background and there's a glass of wine on the counter next to the stove. He seems relaxed, which simultaneously calms and concerns Donna.
Harvey offers Donna a smile, and then reaches for the bottle of wine. He pours her a glass, which she takes with a nervous smile and without meeting his eyes. All through the afternoon, he thought about what happened. At first he assumed Grayson was an ex of some sort, which made him jealous, and angry that she didn't tell him. But the more he thought about it, the more the pieces didn't fit together. They've talked about exes and past relationships, neither of them ashamed of their past.
But what bothered Harvey most was the way she reacted when he confronted her. Nervous, unsure of herself and a little scared. That's not like he knows her. So now he isn't angry anymore, he is worried about her. A few hours ago, he started thinking of reasons why Donna would be this nervous, why she would avoid meeting him and why she would not want to tell him about it. The scenario's that he came up with make his chest feel a little tight. So he wants to ask her about it, but before he does so, he wants to make her feel at ease. He wants to make her feel like she can talk to him, like she can trust him with whatever happened between her and Grayson.
It takes almost all of Harvey's restraint not to ask Donna right then and there. He desperately wants to know what happened. But she doesn't seem up to talking yet. So instead he starts telling her about a client meeting he had this morning. How the lawyer representing the big firm he was up against was so incompetent he had the meeting in the bag after three minutes and then toyed with him for the remaining fifty-seven. She remains quiet and tense, so he calmly keeps telling her about his day. Meetings, clients, grocery shopping. Anything.
Throughout dinner, Harvey keeps up the one-sided conversation. After a while he feels like he's just monologuing, but he doesn't stop. He has known Donna long enough to know that pushing her to talk when she doesn't want to is not useful. That only makes her close herself off even further. Usually, it's enough to create a calm atmosphere and fill the silence until she is ready. Tonight, however, it doesn't seem to work. She has barely looked at him since she came in, but he can see in the crease between her brows that her mind is working overtime.
When Harvey has finished her dinner and Donna has put her fork down after pushing the food around on her plate, he looks at her, silently inviting her to open up. However, she stays silent, so he gets up and takes their plates to the kitchen, but not before pressing a quick kiss in her hair. She stays at the dinner table for a little while longer, but then follows him into the kitchen. She rinses the plates and then hands them to him to put in the dishwasher. They fall into their routine, quiet still blanketing them. It's not necessarily uncomfortable, but Harvey does feel a little uneasy. He pours Donna another glass of wine, but doesn't say anything, still waiting.
"So…" Harvey closes the dishwasher and turns to face Donna, who is looking down into her glass, swirling the red liquid around. "When I mentioned your name to Grayson, he got a little nervous and he told me you had a history. A private matter. That I should ask you about it…" He wants to reach for her, but she has put her glass down and her arms wrapped around her own body, looking both vulnerable and closed off. He steps towards her, but allows her a little distance, "I've been thinking about it all afternoon," he admits, "what happened?"
Donna takes a deep breath, but she still can't muster up the courage to say the words out loud. Harvey just looks at her, and then he's had enough. He is nervous and insecure and the longer she keeps quiet, the worse the scenarios that go through his head get. He reaches for his, his hands on her waist. He pulls her a little closer, waiting until she meets his eyes. He wishes he had her ability to know exactly what is going through her head just by looking into her eyes, but he can't. He can, however, see that she is upset and nervous.
After a few more long seconds of silence, Harvey opens his mouth again. And what comes out is a blur of everything he though of since this morning. "Look, Donna," he softly squeezes her waist, "I don't know what happened between you and Grayson. And that's not because I haven't thought about it. In fact, it's all I've been thinking about since we had that meeting today," he takes a breath, "and I've conjured the most horrible scenarios. So whatever happened. I've thought of worse. You can tell me," he intently looks at her, "not that you have to," he suddenly backtracks, "if you don't feel like it. But… know that you can always tell me anything. I love you and that won't change."
Harvey takes another deep breath, "it's just… Donna…" He sighs, "I don't know what he did. But it clearly got you very upset. And I hate seeing you like this. So please… if there's anything I can do," his voice trembles a little, fear evident beneath it, "if he did anything to you," he continues in a low tone, "I'll drop him in a second. I'll sue him. Whatever you need me to do. I'd do anything for you. But just… I can't do anything if I don't know what happened. I want-"
The words Harvey is saying don't really register in Donna's head, but the fear in his voice does. And she feels the tension in his body, his hands tightening their grip on her waist ever so slightly. His fierce protectiveness brings tears to her eyes. He keeps rambling, but she can't let him keep going. She tries to swallow down the lump in her throat. Then she takes a deep breath. And then she finally opens her mouth, "he adopted my daughter."
After Donna has spoken, Harvey falls silent. Her words hang heavy in the air between them. Silence envelops them once again, but this time it's not even close to a comfortable one. It's heavy and suffocating and Donna feels like she might explode. But she also knows that she can't force a reaction out of Harvey after what she just said. She stays quiet, for a very long time. Her brain is spinning. And so is his. She can't believe she told him. He can't believe the words he just heard.
"What?" Harvey eventually asks. His arms have fallen limply to his sides, his hands no longer on Donna's waist. He doesn't think he heard her right. He can't have. But she takes a deep breath, and then she repeats the words, "he adopted my daughter." And then suddenly the whole story tumbles out of her mouth. She held it inside for so long and now she can't stop herself from talking. She stumbles over her words and her voice shakes, but she is finally telling her story.
Harvey just stares at Donna while she talks. Nothing she says makes any sense. Even when she stops talking, he keeps staring at her with a dumbfounded expression on his face. "You had a baby?" He asks, just to make sure he understood at least that part right. For him, it's the only part that matters now. He doesn't care about details, the fact that she hid this from him is too much for his brain to handle already. He looks at her and is about to ask the question again when she nods at him.
Tears have been streaming down Donna's face for minutes now, but neither she nor Harvey notices. He is too preoccupied with his own shock. So he doesn't notice the tears or her trembling body or the guilt and despair in her hazel eyes. He stays quiet for another moment, processing Donna's words. And then he bursts. "What the hell, Donna?!" He exclaims. "How the FUCK could you keep this from me?" He angrily looks at her, "Goddammit!" He takes a deep breath, "you know EVERYTHING about me. About my past! You-You-You," he shakes his head, "you know about my mom and my childhood. About my panic attacks. Therapy. You know it all," he exhales, "and you never told me this?" He takes a step back, looking at her with a mixture of fury and disappointment.
—
So…. there it is. I struggled (a lot) with the idea of Donna keeping something THIS big from Harvey, but this story kept developing in my head and I couldn't let it go. So bear with me, and let me know what you think!