(Or "What the Mikhail is goin' on?!")

"WELL THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE DISCOVERED THE LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS!"

"I think you mean Atlanta." Bullwinkle replied.

"NO IM' PRETTY SURE I MEANT—"

"We also discovered that the leader's a BIG JERRK!" Rocky hollered at Emperor Nautilus. "And he wants us to fight each other, I mean really, what are we, SAVAGES?!"

"Like, You WILL fight!!" Nautilus called from the opposite end of the arena.

"WELL CALLING NAUTILUS A JERK DID NOT REALLY MAKE THE SITUATION ANY BETTER. ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE HAD BOTH BEEN GIVEN TRIDENTS AND HELMETS TO BATTLE WITH ONE ANOTHER."

"Like, while you losers battle, I on the other hand, shall, like, totally retire to the Loveseat of INFINITE PLEASURE…" Nautilus replied as two very muscular half-seahorse male guards bought over a huge loveseat. "Pleasure babes…" he called.

"TWO VERY ATTRACTIVE MERMAIDS APPROACHED NAUTILUS, BOTH WEARING NOTHING BUT BRAS MADE FROM SEASHELLS."

"Pleasure me…" Nautilus spoke with a low, whisper-like tone of voice.

"LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!" One of Nautilus' guards boomed.

"THE CROWDS CHEERED AS ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE WERE LED OUT TO FIGHT EACH OTHER…BOTH FELT VERY NERVOUS…"

——————-

"MEANWHILE, BORIS AND NATASHA HAD JUST ARRIVED AT ATLANTIS. CLAD IN SCUBA GEAR, THEY SPIED ON MIKHAIL AND LYNCHSKI, SEEKING TO DISPOSE OF THEM…"

"Dere dey are, Boris!" Natasha pointed at two people in front of the massive bubble which separated Atlantis from the rest of the sea.

"MIKHAIL AND LYNCHSKI IMMEDIATELY NOTICED THAT THERE WERE GUARDS PATROLLING THE AREA, HALF-SEAHORSE HALF MAN GUARDS. ONE OF THEM LOOKED PARTICULARILY FAT, BUT WAS MOVING ALONG AT A MODEST PACE…SO THEY TOOK THIS MOMENT TO CAUSE THE PERFECT DISTRACTION…"

"…BOO!" Mikhail shouted at the top of his lungs into the ear of the rotund guard.

"Oh gosh….AAAAAAAGH!!" The seahorse merman hybrid groaned, clutching his stomach. "My BABIES!"

"I'm right here dude, I'm RIGHT HERE!" The other merman hybrid hollered. "Just relax your brood pouch, it's gonna be fine…"

"AS THE MERMAN-SEAHORSE WENT INTO LABOR, MIKHAIL AND ANASTASIA WENT INTO ACTION…FLIPPING AND DIVING, THEY CLIMBED UP THE ENORMOUS BUBBLE THAT SEPARATED ATLANTIS FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD...ONLY TO BE STOPPED BY BORIS AND NATASHA."

"Misha…" Natasha spoke, clearing her throat a little.

"Natalya, Moya byvshaya-lyubov." Mikhail replied, sighing wistfully.

"Ah, Natalya, Mikhail as' told me so much about yu…" the woman sneered.

"Juhst who are yu?" Natasha replied.

"I yam Anastasia Lynchski. Vorld's greatest spy." The woman replied, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulders. "Mikhail, he say dat, ven yu keel müse and skurrl, DEY are vones dat git lest laugh! A-HAH!"

"Do not creetique my vork as spy, hyu BEECH!" Natasha slapped the blonde woman upside the head.

"Oh, ees on-ski like Donkeys Kong-ski!" Anastasia replied, briefly massaging her swollen left eyeball.

"AND SO BEGAN THE MOST EPIC CAT-FIGHT KNOWN TO MAN. NATASHA AND ANASTASIA KICKED, PUNCHED, BIT, AND INDIAN-BURNED THEIR WAY TO VICTORY WHILE BORIS AND MIKHAIL SIMPLY WATCHED."

"So, yu and Netesha used to date?" He asked.

"Da." Mikhail turned to face Boris. "Seks byl potryasayushchim."

"BORIS NOW HAD VERY WIDE EYES."

"HAH!" Mikhail laughed. "prosto shuchu!"

"Oh sank badness, yu REALLY got me zere!" Boris chuckled, relief now washing over him.

——————-

"MEANWHILE, ORDER TO FIGHT EACH OTHER AND STILL REMAIN ALIVE, ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE DID THEIR BEST FAKE-FIGHTING THEY COULD POSSIBLY MUSTER..."

"YAAAAAAAAAA—" Rocky exclaimed, gripping the trident, thrusting himself at Bullwinkle.

"—AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Bullwinkle also exclaimed, thrusting himself at Rocky and gripping his trident as well.

"WHEN ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE COLLIDED, THEY PROCEEDED TO…gently bang their tridents together."

"Enh…" Rocky grunted.

"Enh…enh…" Bullwinkle grunted.

"THE AUDIENCE, EXPECTING TO SEE THEM RIP EACH OTHER'S ENTRAILS OUT, BOOED GREATLY AT THIS."

"Boo." The audience of merpeople spoke.

"THIS WENT ON FOR AROUND AN HOUR, UNTIL, IN-BETWEEN NAUTILUS' PLEASURING SESSIONS, HE HAD HAD ENOUGH."

"Okay, like, Y'know WHAT?!" Nautilus exclaimed, removing some cucumber slices from his eyes and standing up from his Loveseat of Infinite Pleasure. "I've had ENOUGH of this mondo bummer fight! GUARDS! LIKE, RELEASE THE LEVIATHAN!"

"R-Rock?" Bullwinkle asked the squirrel. "What's a Leviathan?"

"ROCKY LOOKED EXTREMELY NERVOUS AS TWO SEAHORSE GUARDS WENT TO ANOTHER PART OF THE ARENA AND OPENED UP A MASSIVE, STEEL DOORWAY."

"We're about to find out…" Rocky replied.

"WILL ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE SURVIVE THE HORRORS UNDER THE SEA?! WILL BORIS AND NATASHA SHOW FEARLESS LEADER THEY CAN'T BE REPLACED?! MAKE SURE TO BE WITH US AFTER THIS SHORT BREAK FOR "Sea for Yourself" OR "Ships and Dip!"

————

A/N: Yeah, male seahorses are the ones that give birth. Also, every one of Mikhail's lines are in Russian, feel free to run em' through Google Translate!