Thomas shut the back door behind him after he unlocked it on his arrival at Downton the following morning. The previous day had been an interesting one to say the least. He and Richard had talked after he returned from talking to Chris. Thomas had arrived home just before Richard returned, his heart warmed by Richard's note and the words he spoke within it. It was the little things sometimes that made the biggest difference. How Thomas recognised Richard's elegant handwriting, and how Richard always signed his initial at the end. The little heart drawn around it was a signature only meant for him. They had a quiet evening to themselves and had talked late into the evening about many things, just ordinary things, but also about Chris and David's situation. They had hoped that between them, Chris and David might finally be able to get past the problems they had faced and move forward together. Thomas went to sleep that night feeling cautiously optimistic that his friends may finally be allowed to be happy with each other, and he was encouraged further when Chris was unusually late again, not turning up at the shop before he came to leave for Downton. When this occurred before, it had been a good thing so Thomas felt pleased and in a good mood when he strolled along the corridor to his office, the smell of breakfast wafting out from the kitchens, the sounds of another day at Downton beginning. He was just pulling the key out of his pocket for his office when he tried the handle and found it to be unlocked. He frowned, I'm sure I locked that last night? Maybe Mrs Hughes unlocked it this morning for some reason, since she has a key? It was a possibility, but an unlikely one as Thomas had never known Mrs Hughes to be careless about locking doors, or about anything for that matter. He put his key back in his pocket and opened the door slowly. He was greeted by a sight he did not expect to see.

Chris was sitting at his desk in his chair with his eyes closed, his head slouched forward as though he had drifted off to sleep. Thomas shut the door, a little louder than necessary to see if his friend was awake, or indeed conscious. The latter thought was prompted by the empty bottle of what looked like a large bottle of whisky on his desk. It was likely correct to assume that Chris had finished this himself and was now feeling the consequences of the strong alcohol. Thomas was concerned because the Chris he knew did not drink to this extent for any reason. He had always told Richard and him that he liked to keep his mind clear and sharp and that being drunk out of his mind made him vulnerable. The only time Thomas had seen Chris drunk was when Richard and himself had driven Chris back from York the night he was beaten up. The alcohol then was there to ease his pain though and he had been rather amusing whilst drunk then, flirting with both of them. He didn't drink when he was happy though, which led Thomas to the worrying conclusion that last night did not go so well.

Chris had only meant to shut his eyes for a little bit, but as he opened them upon hearing a noise in the room he had found himself in, which was more of an effort than it should have been as his eyelids felt heavy and his vision momentarily blurry, he realised he had been here longer than he thought. As he blinked into focus he saw the man of his dreams, quite literally. Thomas was standing near the door and he looked worried. "What are you doing here?" Chris spoke but his voice was raw and not his own. He was confused. Why is Thomas in my room?

"I think I should be asking that don't you?" Thomas folded his arms across his chest.

"Am I still dreaming?"

"No sorry this is reality and you are in my office. That, by the way, is why I am here. Because you are sitting in my office where I work." If Thomas didn't know that Chris was very drunk then he would have said that he was running a high fever and was delirious.

"Oh." Chris looked around and rubbed his eyes. Oh. It was beginning to come back to him now. "You're not in my bedroom then?"

"No of course I'm not. Chris snap out of it!" Thomas didn't mean to raise his voice but he was frustrated. He had been having such a good morning so far. He didn't want to have to deal with more of Chris's problems. That was unfair. How many times have I- Thomas took a deep breath in an effort to calm himself down. He tried to speak more calmly. "What are you doing here? Richard is expecting you at the shop."

Chris groaned. "Oh I'm sure he can manage things on his own. Better off without me. He really is, you know?"

Thomas assumed that Chris was not really talking about Richard. Thomas sat down, on the wrong side of the desk. "I'll ask you again. What are you doing here? Is this to do with David?"

Chris seemed to be only half listening. Thomas could see that his mind was not fully listening to his words. He was slouched in his chair and his efforts to push himself into a more upright position failed when his hand missed the arm of the chair and slipped uselessly into the air next to it. Chris gave up and remained slouched as he spoke, looking confused and annoyed at why he couldn't manage such a simple action. "Not sure. I drank some of this after he left...he...oh yes! David, he was with me in my room last night. Can you believe that?" Chris giggled stupidly. "I was happy and then I fucked it up...no more now...don't get third chances. Don't be jealous though Thomas, we just slept like babies. Sound asleep. Until I ruined that as well" Chris looked at the empty bottle and picked it up, holding it up to the light coming in through the window. "Where did all that go?"

Thomas rolled his eyes, not that Chris would be able to notice right now. Oh god! Why would he think I'd be jealous? But something must have gone well for David to end up in his bed right? So what's changed? "Were you looking for me Chris?"

"Don't know. I think...maybe? It's your fault you know," Chris slurred. "Where did it all go? Did you have some?" Chris picked up the empty glass bottle again.

Thomas grabbed it out of Chris's hands, he could see an accident waiting to happen with that. He put it on the floor out of Chris's reach. Oh brilliant! So now I'm to blame. "Right. Firstly, the drink is gone because you drank it all, and more besides I reckon, considering the state you are in. Secondly, how on earth is this anything to do with me?" Another thought then suddenly occurred to him as he glanced at the door to check it was firmly closed to minimise the chances of anyone overhearing all this. "How did you get into this room? Actually no, how did you get into Downton?"

"Ah!" Chris did sit up this time and raised a shaky finger. "I have skills, Thomas. Not just a handsome face!"

"No, of course not. I guess now you walk through doors as well. How stupid of me to forget," Thomas spoke sarcastically. "You broke in."

"I did! Picked two locks, whilst half drunk. I'd say that's impressive!"

"No, not really. But if you feel better then by all means well done!" Thomas said dryly, sarcasm dripping off his words once more. If anyone else found him I'd be done for. "Why is this my fault Chris?"

"Oh I think it's me really...you are just part of it." Chris stood up and Thomas jumped up also worried his friend would stumble to the ground or fall into the desk. Chris did stumble and Thomas caught him before he knocked an oil lamp off a shelf on the wall with a wild wave of his arm. Whilst they had electric lighting downstairs now, they kept the oil lamps just in case the power fails, which it has done, on occasion. Chris was now clinging onto Thomas's arms, his drunken weight leaning heavy on him. "You can't stop being in my head...I see you when I sleep and I don't want to."

"Okay?" Thomas didn't know if that was an insult or a compliment.

"You are there and he is not and he...he is supposed to be now that we are...something." Thomas noticed now that Chris hadn't shaved. Not surprising really, but really unlike him to be untidy in his appearance. He must have been here, or stumbling around out there for most of the night. Thomas wasn't sure what to do next. He luckily had not dealt with too many drunks in his time as butler. When Jimmy was here he had helped him upstairs a few times when he had not been sober enough to manage the stairs and more recently, Stephen had enjoyed a bit too much of an evening off with Daniel, but neither was as bad as Chris right now. Chris hadn't finished yet though. "It's your fault cause you are so handsome and perfect all the time. I think about you lots and I think about him lots but it's all getting muddled up now and it's confusing. I think you should be uglier...maybe that would help. Because I want to-"

"-Right, well um. I think I should get you somewhere that you can rest because you are-" Thomas didn't finish his sentence as Chris then launched himself at Thomas's lips. Thomas, though, was quicker and managed to stop him before Chris had a chance to try to kiss him properly. Thomas pushed him off causing Chris to stumble back into the corner of the desk. The desk rattled loudly.

Chris slumped to the floor into a pathetic heap. He may have been completely out of it but as he looked up at Thomas still standing by the wall, he realised what he had just tried to do. "Oh no! Not again! Thomas I am so...s-s-sorry." A tear then fell from Chris's eye. "I've lost him and now I've lost you and you will tell Richard and he will hate me."

"Hey no, it's not as bad as that." Thomas knelt down on the floor in front of Chris. "I think we can solve this okay? Richard will understand. But if you prefer me not to tell him-"

"-You don't have to lie for me Thomas. I can't ask you to do that." Chris sniffed. "But I have lost him. I'm beaten. This was nothing to do with David, it was all me. Not you either. Just me. Why can't I do this?"

Chris's words echoed Thomas's own many years ago, when he had told Mr Bates he was 'well and truly beaten'. "No," Thomas said with firm determination. "No you are not. Not if I can help it. We will sort this okay?"

Chris nodded and sniffed again. "You don't hate me then?"

"No, I could never hate you. You and I, we are so alike, in good and bad ways but we are. I've had many times I thought I was beyond hope but I never was, not really." Thomas smiled. "Even if I keep finding you lying on the floor."

"Keeps happening doesn't it?" Chris's lips twitched with a small smile. He frowned again though as he groaned. "My head hurts."

"Well you have had far too much to drink. Look, this is what I will do. First I will get you upstairs to sleep this off. You can have my old room for a few hours. Then I will telephone Richard, tell him that you need this morning off at least and we will see if you are better a bit later. Then once you are a bit more with it, then we can talk and get things back the way they should be. Does that sound like a plan?"

"Think so. Not sure about all those stairs though, I could just lie down here?"

"Probably best not." Thomas didn't want to have too many people aware of Chris's situation right now and it would not be something he could brush off if someone came into his office and found a drunk man asleep on the floor, especially if it was someone from upstairs. "You'd be more comfy up there anyway. If you wait here, I'll fetch someone to help." Thomas had a few options of people he could ask for assistance in a situation like this, but his mind settled upon asking Stephen, since he would be strong enough and young enough to help him bear the weight of Chris up several flights of stairs, and he could be trusted not to talk about this.

Thomas quietly left the office, shutting the door and was happy to see Stephen in the servants hall. "Stephen, may I have a word?"

"Um, yes Mr Barrow." Stephen got up and followed Thomas out of the room. "Is anything the matter Mr Barrow?"

"Not with you no Stephen," Thomas reassured. "But I need your help with something, and your discretion."

"Okay." Stephen followed Mr Barrow into the office and was shocked to see Mr Webster on the floor. He saw the empty bottle and made the correct conclusions. "He's drunk?"

"I can hear you," Chris said dryly.

"Right, um sorry Mr Webster," Stephen said awkwardly.

"Stephen, can you just have a quick look up the stairs to see if anyone is coming? It would be best if as few people know about this as possible? I'll get him up," Thomas asked the footman.

"Yes, hang on." Stephen slipped out the door as quietly as he could.

Thomas pulled Chris up who was still rather wobbly but a bit less disorientated than he was when Thomas first saw him. "Right, lean on me okay? We need to do this quickly if you want to remain away from any gossip."

"Would help you as well I reckon if I am not seen like this am I right?" Chris stood up and leaned on Thomas's arm.

"Well um, yes. But this isn't about me."

"All clear Mr Barrow," Stephen said, looking around the door.

They managed some of the stairs with just Thomas to help Chris but when Chris came over a bit light headed, most likely due to the headache he must now be feeling, Stephen supported his other side. It was not easy. The servants' stairs were not made for three people to walk up at once, so they ended up walking up sort of diagonally. It was a miracle that they didn't meet anyone on the stairs, although perhaps it was more due to the fact that everyone was downstairs eating breakfast right now.

They eventually made it to the men's corridor in the attics. Thomas opened the door to his old room. It was the room that before him, belonged to Mr Carson, not the room he slept before he was the butler. That room did not have a bed made up, but this one did. He never slept here of course and it was always strange coming up here, as though he was looking into the past. The last time he came up here was several months ago when he came over with a bad headache and was ordered by Mrs Hughes to have a lie down for a few hours. He hoped that Chris would be tired enough to just fall asleep deeply enough so that he wouldn't dream. He looked exhausted, as though he had not slept at all. He slept a little, David was with him, Thomas reminded himself.

Stephen and Thomas set Chris down on the bed and Chris just flopped backwards onto the pillow. He shut his eyes pretty much straight away. Stephen looked at Mr Barrow concerned. "He's not passed out has he?" he whispered, although he wasn't sure why he was whispering.

"No, I don't think so. His eyelids just moved."

"Thank you." Thomas and Stephen both looked at Chris as he spoke, his eyes still shut.

"Don't mention it Chris. Try to sleep a bit okay? I'll come back at lunch to see you, maybe then we could talk?" Thomas waited for an answer but this time it looked like Chris was finally sleeping, his whole body looked more relaxed. "We should let him rest, Stephen. Could you check on him after breakfast?"

"Yes Mr Barrow. But...Mr Barrow, what happened? He's not been like this before has he?"

Thomas hesitated, knowing Chris wouldn't want him to tell his sorrows to everyone, but Stephen did deserve some sort of explanation. "I'll know more when I talk to him, but he's been going through some things lately. Some good, others bad. He's haunted by his past and it's stopping him from moving forward with...someone."

"You mean Mr Mortimer, your friend?"

Thomas looked at the footman surprised. "How did you know?"

"I didn't. Not really, they might have just got on well but you know I like to visit Mr Ellis's shop and he was always in there these past few weeks, always with Mr Webster. I won't say anything though."

"I know you won't, but thank you."

"Do you think he...um they will be fine?"

"I think so, yes. And I say that realistically, not just optimistically. Now we should get downstairs, or else we will starve until lunch," Thomas said. "Although I have a few telephone calls to make first."

"Yes Mr Barrow. Do you want me to ask Charlotte to bring you a tray for breakfast to your office?"

"That would be helpful, yes. The calls can't wait and I need to get them done before we are both needed upstairs." Thomas had to call Richard to let him know about Chris as soon as he could but he also had the thought to call someone else who might be able to offer him some advice to help Chris.

…

"Hello Richard, it's me," Thomas said not long later down the telephone as he sat at his desk.

"Thomas, is everything alright? I still have no clue as to where Chris is or if he even plans on turning up today, but I suppose we should take that as a good sign?" Richard sat at the desk in the office, fiddling with the telephone cable as he spoke.

"Um, well that is why I am calling you. I assumed that too but it's the opposite I'm afraid. Chris is here."

"At Downton? Why? What happened this time?"

"He was in my office when I arrived. Picked the lock, well two locks apparently, whilst drunk too."

Richard smiled. "You actually sound impressed Mr Barrow?"

"Maybe, that's my old mischievous side coming out I guess but it is not a laughing matter Richard." He heard Richard snigger on the other end of the line.

"No, of course not. Sorry. Things didn't go well then?"

"I don't know. He was too out of it to really say that much. He is upstairs in my old room sleeping it off. I hope to speak to him a bit later. So, he won't be fit for work this morning at least. Sorry."

"Not your fault Thomas. I can manage for today. Tell him if he wants to come by the shop this afternoon he can but no pressure okay?"

"Thank you, I will. Might be my fault a bit though, at least according to him. It is not of course, not really but he sees it that way."

"Thomas, what are you talking about?" Richard was concerned about how cryptically Thomas was speaking. He really hoped that no customers decided to enter the shop right now as he couldn't leave this conversation for later.

"Well um..." Thomas tried to think about how to tell Richard in a way that only he would understand. They could never be absolutely certain that no one else was listening in to the call. Thomas's words were not for a stranger's ears to hear. Chris could be in danger otherwise, as well as himself. "You know his friendship with me?"

"Yes?"

"And you remember how you only have three teacups as one broke on the floor?" Thomas prompted.

"I do, but what has the number of teacups I have got to do with anything?"

"You remember why we only have three and not four?"

"I broke it, I can't forget that."

"You recall the cause of the teacup being smashed? I mean the actual event that triggered that happening?"

"Of course." Richard was reminded of his anger at the argument he and Thomas had almost a year ago when Chris first turned up in Downton. He also remembered the cause of the argument and the words that were exchanged. The kiss.

"Well it happened again. Almost, I mean, I stopped it." Thomas hoped he was making sense. The other end of the line went silent. "Richard? Are you still there?" Thomas was concerned now. Oh no! Richard now understood why Thomas was speaking so unclearly, why his words were so guarded. Chris tried to kiss him, like last time. Unlike last time he wasn't angry, he didn't feel hurt. But he wasn't exactly happy about it either. "Richard?" Thomas's concerned voice asked.

"I'm here. Why did he do that?"

"You're not mad?"

"No. Can't say I'm particularly happy about it but no, not mad."

"Thank you. He immediately regretted it I promise. He was mortified he tried that. I think he hates himself, not just because of that but because of other things he feels and thinks. I think that is why he was drunk last night. Probably why things didn't go so well yesterday."

"Do you want me to talk to him? Or shall we leave this alone?"

"We have to try something. They were so close. I know they are right for each other, but there is um...hesitation from his part. I'll speak to him and I'll tell you more later okay?"

"Okay. I'll leave you get on then? Have you had breakfast yet?" Richard asked. It was still early but from his time in service, he knew that the window for the servants to eat breakfast was only a brief one and Thomas didn't have much time left.

"Not yet. I have another call to make. Charlotte is bringing it in on a tray I think."

"Good. I'll talk to you later then?"

"Yeah. One thing though Richard?"

"Yes?"

"Do you believe in third chances?"

"I think I do, yes."

Thomas nodded to himself. "Good, good. See you later then?"

"Yes, bye Mr Barrow."

...

Thomas was just waiting for the operator to connect the call to the next person he needed to speak to when Charlotte gently knocked on the door before carrying in a tray with buttered toast and some tea on it. Thomas smiled and mouthed 'thanks' to her as she left again.

"Hello?" a groggy voice answered on the other end of the line. One that Thomas reckoned had just been woken up.

"Jimmy?"

"Yeah who is this?" Thomas heard a yawn on the other end of the line. He smiled to himself. He's still in bed isn't he? Thomas expected Jimmy to be home still since most of his work happened in the evenings or at night at various clubs and venues around London.

"Me Jimmy. Thomas Barrow. You know, your long suffering friend?"

"Thomas? Sorry! Didn't recognise you, although it's still early and I probably wouldn't recognise anyone at the moment so don't take it to heart."

"I don't, it's fine. But it's nearly seven thirty Jimmy, hardly early." Despite the fact that Thomas didn't really have the time to chat he missed talking with his old friend.

"Not for you maybe, but I didn't get in until one or two this morning so it is for me. I forget the wonderful feeling of waking before six each day!" Thomas laughed at Jimmy's sarcasm. "Shouldn't you be eating breakfast?"

"I am trying too. I have it here at my desk."

"They don't give you time to eat these days then? Hardly fair," Jimmy remarked. Downton and his life there before felt like a world away these days, but Thomas was his one connection to it.

"No, no! We still have time to sit down, just like always. Today is different though and that is why I am calling you." Thomas bit into a slice of warm buttery toast.

"Oh so I can help solve some drama at Downton then? Sounds exciting! I am more awake now, promise!"

"Well it's drama alright, but not so much to do with Downton. You remember Chris?"

"How can I forget? That man pushed me into Richard's cupboard sized office! Is he okay?"

"Um...it is hard to explain over the phone...are you alone?" Thomas asked.

"At the moment, yes. She's in the bathroom."

"Who?" Thomas asked, briefly surprised that Jimmy wasn't alone before he remembered how Jimmy had told them the last time he was at Downton that he had met someone.

"My girlfriend. I know, scandalous living together and not married. People around here don't mind too much though."

"As someone who is all too familiar with scandalous relationships, I can tell you I'm not judgy Jimmy."

"No course not. But anyway, what's up?"

"Well Chris met someone recently, things have been going well but he has been having issues with believing he is not good enough for this person or that they deserve better-"

"-Well tell him that he is one hundred percent good enough for whoever this person is." Jimmy interrupted.

"I plan on doing that, but he is in a bit of a bad way today. He drank too much last night, which is unusual for him as he doesn't drink like this normally and well he is upstairs in the attics sleeping it off. Thing is, I'm not one for drinking to that extent and neither is Richard so I need some advice on how to help him now, you know...to recover from the effects?"

Jimmy chuckled. "Ah I see! You need advice from a serial alcoholic as to how to cure Chris's hangover pronto? Am I right? And the first drunk person you think of is me! I am flattered Thomas really!"

"Um, yeah that's right. I'm not calling you an alcoholic Jimmy, but I recall several times where you were in trouble for drinking far too much on your evenings off."

"Not offended. I was like that, yes. Not so much now, grown up I think I have!" Jimmy spoke cheerily. "How's he feeling?"

"Um well from what I can tell, dizzy, tired and his head hurts. He fell asleep practically as soon as his head hit the pillow," Thomas relayed.

"Do the kitchens at Downton have any lime?"

"Of course."

"Right well lime juice and a little sugar in a cup of water works for me. I didn't know that when I was at Downton though or I would have tried it and perhaps Mr Carson may not have noticed how bad I looked, or at least my head wouldn't have wobbled so much when he shouted at me!"

Thomas smirked, "No, perhaps not. Thank you, I'll try that on him."

"Ginger is good. Not alcoholic ginger beer of course but a little piece of ginger to chew on would be good if he feels sick. Wish I knew that too. The things you pick up on eh?"

"I think we have some of that too. Thank you Jimmy."

"No problem Thomas. I hope things work out for him."

"Yes, me too."

"My next letter to you will be in the post tomorrow okay?" Jimmy added.

"Looking forward to it. Goodbye Jimmy."

"Bye Thomas."

...

"Is this enough Mr Barrow?" Charlotte asked as she dropped half a teaspoon of sugar into a glass of water.

"Yes, that will be fine." Thomas took the glass and gave it another stir with the spoon.

"If I may ask, who is requesting this for a drink in the morning? Bit of an odd thing to ask for isn't it?" Charlotte asked. Mr Barrow had been in his office for all of breakfast whilst on the telephone. He had then rushed off upstairs with Stephen to serve breakfast and then on his return he had asked for a glass of cold water with lime juice, freshly squeezed and a little sugar.

"You know how rich people are Charlotte, they ask for the strangest of things out of the blue," Thomas lied as he left the kitchen quickly so she nor anyone else could ask him further questions

In his hurry to get out of the kitchen and upstairs to Chris he almost collided with Mr Bates at the bottom of the stairs. "Who's that for Mr Barrow? Smells nice."

Not you, anyone but you. Thomas didn't need Mr Bates asking questions now either. He could lie to Charlotte, even Daisy and get away with it, but not with Mr Bates. He always seemed to see right through him. "His Lordship requested it earlier."

"Did he? Why?"

"How should I know Mr Bates?"

"Hmm, lime and water. Is there sugar in it as well?" Mr Bates asked.

"Yes, if you must know. Do you need a full list of ingredients?" Thomas sighed, exasperated.

"His Lordship didn't request this. This is a hangover cure, and I was just with a very sober Lord Grantham, who as you know is not allowed to touch alcohol." Thomas felt annoyed at Mr Bates' smart answer and his smug expression. "You don't look too hungover Mr Barrow so who is it? Is it Mr Ellis? Is he here for some reason? I heard you upstairs earlier in the attics and you hardly have the reason to go up there these days."

"What? No! Of course not. I was just on the telephone to Rich- Mr Ellis, and he is as sober as you or I thank you."

"Right, well I am curious. Does anyone else know who this is really for?"

Only Stephen but I'm not telling you that. "No. Look if it will keep you quiet I'll tell you but you must not breathe a word to anyone. His reputation and a lot more could be at risk otherwise." Thomas looked around and lowered his voice. "Mr Webster."

Mr Bates did not expect Thomas to say that. He never thought Mr Webster would be the sort of man to get badly drunk. Unless something is very wrong. Unless he saw no other way. "He's been here all morning?"

"Yes, but I'm going to see how he is and hopefully get him out unnoticed."

"Is he okay?" When Mr Bates spoke to Mr Webster at the cricket match earlier in the summer he discovered that the man has a lot in his past that might trouble him. He assumed that this was the reason or maybe at least part of the reason he was drunk now.

"I hope he will be. Don't make any trouble though please Mr Bates? He doesn't need more and I shouldn't have said anything."

"I promise I won't say anything. If you need any distraction later so he can get out unseen I might be able to think of something." Mr Bates didn't usually go out of the way to help Mr Barrow, but the butler seemed very sincere about helping his friend.

"Thank you Mr Bates," Thomas said, a little surprised by the offer, before heading up the stairs.

...

Thomas opened the door to his old room carefully. The room was dim, the curtains still drawn. He shut the door as quietly as he could behind him as he put the glass on the table near the bed. He didn't draw the curtains, so he assumed Stephen must have done it when he was up here earlier. Chris didn't wake when Thomas put the glass down. Thomas was glad that he actually looked peaceful, asleep on his side. He wanted to talk with him about what happened but he couldn't wake him now. He decided to leave and come back in a few hours.

...

Thomas returned upstairs with a sandwich later on. He had a little time to spare so he hoped that Chris was awake and recovered enough to talk. He opened the door quietly, as he did a few hours ago and was pleased to see that Chris was awake. He was still lying down but he smiled at Thomas as he entered, which Thomas took as a good sign. It was a shy smile but for a moment, Thomas could see what he expected David could see. When Chris smiled freely his whole face lit up, and he looked wonderful. "You're awake then?"

"Mmm, just about." Chris pushed himself up a little so he wasn't flat on his back anymore. "I take it, you left the drink for me?"

"I did. Did it help? I telephoned Jimmy and asked for his advice on the best tonic for a hangover. He has had plenty of experience on that front," Thomas smirked as he sat down on the end of the bed.

"It was nice, and maybe it did help along with sleep. I feel more with it now. But the thing is with that...I remember more." Chris's smile faded and he looked burdened again. "Thomas, I'm so sorry about this. I shouldn't have bothered you and especially not here. I expect people are talking all about it aren't they?"

"I think, whilst you were a bit of a pain," Thomas said, making sure he spoke those words with a grin on his face so Chris knew he wasn't serious, "it was best that you were here and not somewhere on the street or collapsed in a pub somewhere. And no, no one is talking about you, only a few people know you are even here. Stephen of course, and Mr Bates. I'm sorry about telling Mr Bates but he seems to read me too well and my lie was not good enough for him. He caught me taking the drink upstairs to you. I told Richard too but I had to do that to explain where you are, and Jimmy to ask for his advice."

"Right, well that's good. As long as they keep quiet. I don't really want this getting out."

"It won't. Stephen and Richard won't say a word. Jimmy is in London and Mr Bates has promised to say nothing, so you're all good. I brought you lunch by the way, if you feel like it."

"Oh, thanks. I might have it soon. Why is there a lump of ginger on the plate though?" Chris asked.

"Oh that was another of Jimmy's ideas. Good if you feel sick. I didn't know if you did so I got some from the kitchen anyway."

"I don't feel sick but I may fancy it a bit later. I suppose you want to get to the bottom of why this all happened in the first place don't you?" Chris knew this would happen. Thomas only wanted to help, but he wondered if there was any point anymore.

"If you can tell me?"

"Not sure where to begin."

"Start at the beginning. All I know is that David was sleeping next to you," Thomas gently suggested.

"He came over last night after Richard left. We talked, resolved the issues that were between us pretty quickly. I think, and it is in a very large way down to you and Richard, that we overcame things pretty quickly and very soon we put our falling out behind us. David took me out. We went stargazing on a hill that overlooked Downton, he brought blankets, whisky, the one I drank here, and chocolate. We just sat there, marveled at the skies above us, wrapped in blankets." Chris blissfully smiled at the memory. Thomas waited for him to continue. "It was perfect, I was so happy, so...comfortable." Chris took a sip of the glass of water that Thomas had brought upstairs with the sandwich. "It was very late when we returned and I asked David to stay. I didn't know what exactly we intended to do, but I was more tired than I realised and I fell asleep before I could do anything about it. I woke up later with David next to me. I just couldn't believe he stayed and I drifted off again."

"So things did go well then?" Thomas prompted. Chris looked so content, so peaceful with what he was describing that Thomas could be forgiven for thinking that nothing went wrong between them at all.

"They did and I think we made progress but I had a dream. A nightmare actually. You were in it." Thomas felt himself tense as if he was bracing for something to hit him head on. "It was one I've had before. You were in prison with me. The men that attacked me there, they attacked you in the dream instead. They knew about us and how I felt about you and they made me watch. I was powerless. I know this dream is because no matter how much you say it wasn't my fault, I still blame myself for almost ruining your life that night in York. I can't help but think sometimes what might have happened if Richard hadn't rescued you."

"I know." Thomas didn't think he could say much more, nothing that would make it better anyway. He didn't want to tell Chris, but he had thought the same sometimes. What if? What if Richard hadn't been there? What if Chris hadn't asked him to go with him? What if he hadn't accepted the invitation? What if questions were pointless because those things didn't happen that way.

"David held me as I woke up screaming your name. That was what caused me to tell him to leave. I shouldn't have been thinking about you after a night with him. I said that I couldn't do this. Not sure if I meant at all or just for now." Chris sunk back into the pillow that was propped behind him against the headboard. "Hopeless isn't it?"

"But you know what you want?"

"I do. But we can't always have what we want. I want him and I care for him more than I have cared for anyone in a long long time, maybe more than you. But it is because of this that I think he should be with someone else who is better than me. Someone who isn't so broken in their mind and body, someone who isn't so haunted by the past that they can't find a future and especially someone who isn't in love with someone they can't have. I think..." Chris smiled to himself, although it was a painful smile, pitiful and small... "I think that maybe he might have been better knowing me before everything went so wrong with me. I think he would have liked me more then. It would have been easier. We could have gone dancing."

Thomas thought as Chris spoke deeply. This was not a case of him not wanting David, clearly he desired him greatly. No, this was a case of him wanting David to have the best in life so much that he would deny himself his own happiness. It was, in a way similar to how they were before David came to Downton. Chris never pushed for a relationship with him, he never tried to get in the way, because he wanted him to be happy with Richard. "David isn't the most gifted of dancers." Chris only faintly smiled. "But seriously, if I may, I think you are missing the point here Chris and you may have missed one very important point."

"Have I really? And what might that be?"

"David fell for you Chris. He didn't fall for someone else, someone more perfect or easier to deal with. He didn't fall for your past self either. He never knew the man who wasn't tormented by a punishment he did not deserve, he never met the Chris Webster who could dance a better tango than anyone else, even me." Chris smiled a little more and Thomas felt encouraged. "And he never met the man who wasn't in love with his best friend." Thomas smirked, "And who knows if he had met you before he may not have even liked you back then! If David wanted anyone else he wouldn't be staying here, he would be gone. But he wants you Chris, I can't make it any plainer than that."

Chris pushed himself upright with a groan, maybe because of his tiredness or maybe because it was beginning to dawn on him how incredibly stupid he had been. He looked down at his hands, resting the left on top of the right and then the right on top of the left, and because he couldn't find any position that he felt comfortable with, stopped fiddling with his hands and tried to forget about them. "I've been so blind haven't I"

"Not your usual observant self I must say."

"What should I do though? I don't know if I gave him the impression it was over last night. I may have done."

"You should get yourself up, eat that sandwich and then go to work. Then later go to see David and make it clear that you still want him. And I promise you that if you don't then I will personally drag you there myself!"

Chris laughed at Thomas's so-called threat. "Right, noted."

"I mean it. Watching you two recently has been interesting at first but now it is just becoming frustrating."

"And you are always right aren't you?"

Thomas spread a wry smile across his face. "Of course I am."

...

It was getting late in the afternoon when Chris nervously approached Mr Tomlinson's farm. He opened the gate and closed it behind him, having to try and close the latch twice as his hands were shaking too much to get it right the first time. He had left Downton Abbey after lunch. Thomas had managed to get him out without anyone seeing him easily enough as, though a convenient coincidence, Mr Bates had chosen that moment to trip in the servants hall resulting in all attention turning to him. He had still felt a little rough and whilst Richard had been kind enough to offer him the rest of the day off, he had declined as he needed to keep himself busy and to feel a sense of normality.

It didn't take him long to see David. He was where he had guessed he would be. David was just leaving one of the barns, the one that had needed some restoration. It had been what David had been working on in the past week. Chris didn't know if he should call out or just walk over. David though saw him coming.

"Hello." David felt his breath stutter as he saw Chris coming over.

"Hello. I um...are you busy?" Chris asked awkwardly, his words sounded quiet and weak as he spoke them.

"I'm always busy here," David answered. "But I can spare time for you. As I said, I'm here for you always."

He doesn't hate me then. Good. "You look tired. Did you sleep?"

"Not after I left you no." David saw how Chris was looking less smart than he usually was. He hadn't shaved from what he could tell and he looked exhausted. "Did you? You look a bit worse for wear."

"No. I drank some of the whisky you left last night. Then I drank another bottle of something I had, then I finished the rest of it. I fell asleep in Thomas's office at Downton after breaking in there last night."

David bit his lower lip and grinned. "You got drunk and you broke into Downton?"

"Yeah. I've been there most of today, sleeping. Thomas looked after me." Chris didn't blame David for seeing the funny side to his sorrows. He reckoned, or more likely he hoped, that when things are okay again they will laugh about this. "I need to say something though okay?"

"I'm listening." David folded his arms.

"I was confused, David. I am still confused. I've been confused about myself and you and how you make me feel right from the moment I met you. You are infuriating and frustrating and confusing."

"I'm sorry?" David was unclear as to whether Chris was angry at him.

"No, that's not it yet. I'm not good at saying these things so bare with me okay?"

"Okay."

"When you are around me and even when you are not, I don't see the same person in the mirror. I'm different and it scares me sometimes. Scares me how much influence you have over me without you even really having to try. I can blame you for both my happiest moments when I feel like I'm floating on air, if that doesn't sound too poetic, and for the moments where I wish I could hide away from myself and everyone else forever. I think about you all the time, about your smile, your laugh, your stupid floppy hair that has a will of its own I swear." Chris saw David relax as he chuckled. "You deserve the world and the best in life and I don't think that is me. I have too much going on in my head and I'm not as mobile as most others. If we wanted to dance, it would be tricky and I would love to take you dancing, even if you aren't that good at it and even if it would make me look like a fool. I have too much in my past that stops me with my future and I have feelings for my best friend that won't go away no matter what I do." David was frowning now, he looked bemused as if he was trying to work out where Chris was going with this. Chris wasn't sure about that either. "But someone made me realise today, and yes that someone is Thomas, that it doesn't matter that I think you deserve someone better than me because, as far as I know anyway, you don't want anyone else. You want me...and I suppose what I am trying to say is that I am sorry and that I want to be with you." Chris's tone softened and he felt his confidence grow. "Thomas may occupy a part of my heart, but as for the rest of it...well it is free and I surrender all of that part utterly and entirely to you." Chris was surprised at his own words, how easily they came out of him. David was just looking at him with an expression that Chris couldn't describe well with words. All he knew was that his heart was pounding in his chest as a result.

David couldn't find the words to speak. He hadn't taken his eyes off Chris the entire time he spoke. He felt like he was dreaming. My love, I know. And you have mine.

Both men just stood there facing each other about a foot or two apart. A gentle breeze flicked through David's hair as Chris waited for him to say something. Anything. Maybe that was too much? "Right well, um...I guess I'll see you around?" Chris said before turning to walk away. He then felt the strong grip of David's hand on his forearm, stopping him in his tracks. Before Chris knew it he was facing David again who hadn't let go of his arm. Chris's breath hitched as David stepped closer, pulling him in close. For what felt like hours they stood bodies touching, faces inches apart. David's blue eyes were searching Chris's face as if they were asking for permission. Chris hoped he was silently giving it. David closed the gap and Chris savored the warm touch of David's lips on his own as he gently kissed him. His kiss only lasted a brief moment and he pulled back, Chris not trusting himself to say anything in response. David looked at Chris hoping he had done the right thing, hoping that he had said, without the need for words, exactly what he had been trying to say for a long time. He needn't have worried. Chris met him halfway as they kissed again. A gentle caress of lips, a hand on his waist, a heartbeat matching his own. David felt Chris's thin moustache tickle his face as an eager tongue begged permission, which he granted, to explore his mouth. Chris felt David's hand leave his arm and move up his back to rest on his neck, his blonde hair brushing his forehead as they kissed. They shouldn't be so open, it was still only the afternoon and people must be around, but he would not surrender to their judgement now. This was their moment. What they had been waiting for.

...

Mathew Tomlinson had not seen David for a while. He had disappeared a few hours ago saying he had to finish working on the barn roof. David had been distracted all day, something that he wouldn't talk about happened last night between him and Chris. Mathew thought about inviting him to eat with him tonight, hoping to cheer his recent employee and friend up. As he walked through the gate at the far end of the yard, his dog Hector not far behind him, he saw that he didn't need to worry about having to cheer David up. Mathew smiled, his heart glad by the sight in front of him. "About bloody time," he said to himself. He considered going around the long way to get to the farmhouse, despite it being just across the yard, as he didn't want to disturb the new couple. He then thought he should stay where he was for a while. Not so much watching them, but making sure no one else would see them. He would keep a look out so they didn't have too.