It has been one week now. One week since the near fatal shooting that had almost cost him the lives of his boyfriend and his best friend. Chris's shoes crunched on the gravel as he sauntered past the front door at Downton Abbey in the direction of the servants entrance. It had been one week but the memories were still painfully fresh in his mind. They had lived through a nightmare and it seemed that waking up from it was going to take its time. He had found some comfort in settling into a new daily routine. Running the shop on his own was not too difficult, he could adapt to that, but being on his own for most of the day was harder. David stopped by when he could though and they had spent several evenings together both at his place and at the farm. But Chris always made sure that he left enough time in his day for Thomas. Unlike him, Thomas was never alone when he was working, he never lacked for company, but Chris reckoned that this fact didn't necessarily make things easier for him. Thomas had calmed a little as time had passed. He received updates on Richard through either Richard's mother or father now, who had called a few times since the shooting. After each call Thomas was always more emotional. Not always sad but not pleased either. He was always glad to know Richard was doing okay, but Chris thought that the very fact that this news had to come second hand all the time was hurting him. Thomas took it though, because it was better than nothing.
Chris pushed the back door open and stepped inside and as soon as he did so he was hit with the sounds of raised voices coming from down the hallway in the servants hall. He recognised Thomas's voice immediately and then the other as Mr Bates. Thomas was on the verge of shouting whereas Mr Bates sounded irritated but not inclined to shout. It was strange, but Chris could never imagine Mr Bates shouting at all. Chris cautiously approached the servants hall, but hung back as it did not seem that now was the best time to interrupt. He heard everything that was said though.
"Mr Bates," Thomas huffed. "Why can't you just see to the Viscount as well as his Lordship tonight, it's not as though we have had to stretch our resources before? It cannot be anyone else, no one other than you or myself are trained to do so."
"I am already seeing to Mr Hatfield as well Thomas, I cannot be the valet for three men! Why can't you do it? As you said, you are trained and not doing anything else!"
Chris only assumed that the men mentioned were guests currently or soon to be staying at Downton. He did think sometimes that the wealthy used Downton as some sort of hotel half the time. People were always showing up. "I have a lot to be getting on with actually Mr Bates," Thomas retorted smartly.
"I suppose you see the task of valet as beneath you don't you Thomas?"
"Of course I don't! And it is Mr Barrow to you Mr Bates, should I have to remind you that I am your superior!"
Mr Bates grumbed. "No, Mr Barrow." Chris could almost imagine that an eyeroll would have accompanied Mr Bates's words there judging at how his tone was anything but respectful. "But at the end of the day someone has to dress the Viscount. He insisted on having a valet! We can hardly send up the Stephen or one of the maids can we!"
"No. Don't be silly. I know we can't!" Chris heard Thomas sigh with frustration. "Fine! I'll do it! Happy?"
"Yes, that's what the sensible conclusion to this unnecessary argument was all along wasn't it Mr Barrow?" Chris sighed himself now as even he found Mr Bates calm mannerisms annoying, and of course Thomas found them patronising.
"Nothing else to be done was there? I mean it's not as if I could ask Mr Ellis to help. He would you know? Without hesitation. But I can't because he's not here!" Thomas's words trembled a little at the end. "I have a lot to be thinking about Mr Bates, I never stop thinking these days!"
Chris pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning against out of sight of the two argung men and looked around the corner of the open door. Mr Bates saw him and caught his eye, Thomas though had his back to him. "I'm sorry Thomas. I understand how you must be feeling right now."
The remark was definitely meant in kindness but Thomas didn't take it that way. He shook his head. "No. No you don't Mr Bates. You never can, nor can anyone else here! If something happened to Anna, you as her husband could see her and be there for her. But as for me—? Well I have to rely on the reports from others. I cannot see him, I cannot comfort him and I miss him. So don't tell me that you understand!" Thomas hissed before turning and marching out the room. Chris jumped aside as Thomas passed him on his way outside, ignoring him in his anger.
...
Chris hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should go after Thomas or if he should leave him for a bit. He couldn't tell whether his company would be appreciated right now or not. Thomas needed time to calm down, but he decided to follow him anyway. He left Mr Bates looking defeated in the servants hall and hurried back down the hallway. It wasn't his fault that he didn't understand. He could never be in that situation, and Chris never wished that on anyone. As for himself, he could understand a little more, but he was still in the dark in a way, as the man he loved was safe because of Richard's actions. He reached the door just in time to see Thomas stand up from the bench he was sitting on and start briskly walking away from the house and towards the path. Chris had a sinking feeling that he knew Thomas was about to do something incrediably stupid. "Thomas wait!" He called out. Thomas paused but then carried on walking, ignoring him again. "Thomas! Where are you going?"
"None of your business Mr Webster, and you can't stop me!"
Chris knew that Thomas, in his moment of anger, had made up his mind to embark on a rash fool's errand. He knew that he had to stop him. He was concerned by Thomas's mood but also by the fact that Thomas never, when they were alone or amongst friends, called him 'Mr Webster'. It was difficult for him to catch Thomas's stride but he forced himself to speed up, ignoring the pain that told him to slow down. He lunged for Thomas's arm and grabbed him by the left elbow, abruptly halting him in his tracks before he left the relative privacy of the backyard. "You're going to York aren't you? You're going to the hospital?"
Thomas roughly shook his gripping hand away from his elbow and pushed him back causing him to stumble backwards. "Well, aren't you clever?" he jibed. "Tell me, how did you know? Was it the fact that you still desire me? Do your feelings for me allow you to access my thoughts?"
Chris felt the tinge of sadness inside him, that he hadn't felt for a while. Thomas's words stung like salt in a wound, but as much as he wanted to defend himself, he had to push that urge aside. "You can't go." He didn't know what else to say. His words felt uselessly simple as they left his mouth.
"Why? Dangerous is it?" Thomas scoffed. "Yeah I know it is but I am sick of this. Sick of waiting and relying on others, fed up of knowing nothing. He may as well be in prison, it feels like I'm separated from him by force! Or is it because you secretly like the fact that Richard is not here? Just think, if it weren't for him or David, you could have me!" Thomas sneered, his words were uncharacteristic, as well as far too loud. Chris worryingly looked around them and he feared that Thomas would be overheard.
He shook his head to himself. "If you must say things like that Thomas, then keep your voice down will you?"
"Well I've got nothing else to add anyway. You haven't denied it so it must be true." Thomas continued on his way out of the backyard. Chris could think of nothing else he could do, save one.
With a swift, unsuspecting move he grabbed Thomas by the arm once more, and pushed him backwards against the wall, trapping with his arms either side of him. Thomas looked at him bewildered for a moment, before he tried and failed to force him away. "You know it's not true for a second Thomas!"
"Fine, whatever, but let me go!" Thomas struggled as Chris tightened his grip on Thomas's wrists that he had pinned back against the wall.
"I can't do that. I won't let you do something so stupid!"
"I know the risks, I'm not ignorant!"
"Then snap out of it will you! It's not just a risk Thomas, it's a certainty! What do you think will happen if you show up there?" Chris was close enough to Thomas to feel his hot breath on his face. He would never have dared to do something like this a couple of months ago. "You turn up and announce that you want to see your boyfriend and what? Do you think that they will just turn a blind eye or just say 'yes of course Mr Barrow feel free.' They will lock you up and Richard too faster than you can blink. Have you honestly thought this through? Have you thought about what might happen then? Aside from you enduring something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, you would open all of us up to being investigated also! They could find out about David, Stephen and Daniel, Larry and Sebastian even! Anyone you know, they would sniff us out like rats! Now maybe I am exaggerating, but thats what will come from a rash decision!"
Thomas glared at him, but Chris saw him falter in his determination. "So you are not just concerned about me and Richard then? Is this just to protect your relationships?"
"No. My first thought is for you Thomas," he said firmly. "I care for you, and I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't stop any harm coming to you or to Richard." His tone softened and Thomas stopped trying to escape. The anger in his eyes was waning also, giving in to the pain that fuelled it.
"I don't know how much more of this I can stand Chris. I know everyone thinks I am getting on with life until he can be back here with me, maybe I am a bit, but I'm not okay. It's killing me waiting."
Chris cautiously eased off the force that kept Thomas from running away, and stepped back a couple of paces. His friend looked disheveled, his butler's uniform that was usually pristine, had become creased and askew. His hair was no longer perfectly arranged on his head, as though someone had run their hands through it. Chris pushed aside the thought that Thomas looked handsome as it was selfish and foolhardy to do so, although it didn't take as much effort as it might have because however good he looked, Chris could see the torment in his friend's face that had driven him to behave desperately. "This is not the way to go about it though."
Thomas hung his head. "There is no way at all though. It's impossible and you must think I'm incredibly silly. I don't always think, I used to do things like this all the time. My decisions hardly ever worked out well."
"I don't Thomas. I know that you are brave, and intelligent but it is natural for anyone missing the person they love to act irrationally, even more so for our folk when everything is so much harder." Chris wanted to fix this for him. But how could he? "Unless...?"
"Unless what?"
Chris didn't mean to say anything out loud. "Maybe we could...No, I don't know."
"You have an idea don't you?" Thomas asked hopefully.
Chis hesitated. "I don't know, because it would have to be done by the book if we do...Thomas I know what I said earlier and it is true but, if we are careful and if we have other people help us then maybe there might be a way to get you in there to see him just the once. I would have to make some calls, find a few things out."
"You think I could go there?" Thomas asked tentatively.
"Possibly. Look I don't want you to hope for it though, cause I will not do this if I don't have a plan I am perfectly happy with. Bursting in there like I reckon you were planning on doing is not the way to do this. We have to be cunning, but will you stay here? Leave it with me?" Thomas smiled shyly at him and Chris felt that little corner of his heart he told David he had reserved for Thomas, glimmer a little. He willed it to fade, he could not be guided by his heart right now, only by his head.
"Okay. I'm sorry Chris, for what I said," Thomas apologised, fiddling with his hands. "I was reacting in anger, it was not meant at all. You're a better friend than I could ever wish for."
"I know you didn't. It's forgotten Thomas. I'm sorry too, I was a bit too heavy handed stopping you."
"I think you needed to be. I'm stubborn, and I don't think I would have listened to you otherwise. I should go back in, I bet they are all talking about that outburst already." Thomas stepped carefully past him to avoid stepping in a puddle on the cobbled ground. "Would you like a drink or something? I feel like I would have wasted your time if you came all this way to see me only to leave now."
"I'd like that Thomas, lead the way." He let Thomas walk ahead of him, but only because he needed a moment to let his relief show on his face. He wouldn't admit it to Thomas, but he had scared him. As he followed his friend inside he tried not to think about what might have happened if he had not been here to stop Thomas from making such a costly mistake. He couldn't bear to think of losing him again. He realised something then: his feelings for Thomas had not faded as much as he had previously thought. The difference now though was that they didn't hurt as much and he silently thanked David for making that possible.
...
A day later Thomas still felt guilty. He sat in his office, trying to work but his concentration failed him as his mind kept drifting to the things he had accused Chris of, the jibes about his feelings for him that were nothing but cruel. It was something he would have said many years ago back when he was different. He often didn't mean the things he said back then either, but now he felt worse for saying them. He had been frustrated and had taken it out on the first person he encountered, which happened to be Chris, the same man he now owes yet another debt for saving him from himself.
There was a knock on the door. "Come in." He thought it might be Daisy or Charlotte bringing him a cup of tea again. His outburst yesterday had been overheard and people had been tiptoeing around him ever since. He had apologised to Mr Bates, and he hoped that would be the end of it, but things were still awkward between them.
"Can I talk to you?" Chris asked, pushing the door closed behind him.
"You can." Thomas wasn't particularly eager to speak to him though, his conscience was playing on his mind yet again and he doubted how easily Chris could forgive him for his words yesterday, even though he said he had. Chris did have a peculiar expression on his face though, as though he was hiding some great secret that he wanted to spill.
"It's about what I said yesterday. Thomas I—"
"I still feel awful for what I said to you. I shouldn't have, my words were cruel and I don't blame you if you can't forgive me right away, I don't think I could. They must have hurt you."
Chris frowned. "They did hurt. But I did realise then that my love for you has not faded as much as I previously thought it had. I told David when he first kissed me that part of my heart will forever be yours, but I didn't think—." Chris sighed and closed his eyes for a second. "I thought it would be more dormant."
Thomas felt awkward, not because of Chris's confession of his love for him as he knew that already, but because of how he might be making things complicated for him and David. It was something he was at the centre of still, and yet he had no control over it whatsoever. "I don't know what to say. I don't want to be a problem for David and you."
"But you're not Thomas! It's the opposite actually!" Chris surprised him then by quickly reaching across the desk that separated them and touching his hand. It was only for a moment before he retreated again, but it was another indication that Chris had changed since meeting David. The Chris Thomas knew before David came to Downton was afraid of any remotely intimate gestures between them both. Chris gleamed with happiness as he spoke too, which just confused him even further. His friend was becoming very hard to read. "David and I, we are in a unique situation. He understands how you'll always be a part of me, because it is the same for him. If it were anyone else, then it could be a problem in a relationship and anyway, he only came to Downton because of you, as did I. If it weren't for you Thomas, then David and I may never have even met! We are perfect for each other because of that. But anyway, I wasn't here to talk to you about this strange sort of love triangle we are all a part of, I came because I have news on the other thing I said yesterday, about getting you to York."
"Are you sure we should though? I know planning it all and having other people helping will make it easier but as much as I want to see Richard, I don't want to put him at risk."
"Well it is arranged, but Richard doesn't know that you are coming so if you back out, and you can obviously, then it won't disappoint him. But if we are to go then we need to go now actually," Chris said, glancing at the clock.
"Now? I can't just drop everything Chris, I'm working, well trying too."
"And how much have you got done sitting here then?" Chris asked knowingly, a grin on the corner of his mouth.
"Not much."
"Well, if we go now we can be back before the early evening. It has to be soon though, as we need to be there for visiting hours and it can't be tomorrow or the plan won't work." Chris stood up and Thomas thought he looked rather pleased with himself.
"What plan? I would like to know the details."
"I'll tell you on the way. But if it does all go wrong, then I can keep you company for a few years in jail okay?" Chris joked.
Thomas felt his deadpan expression at Chris's terrible attempt at humour. "Well that is reassuring, thank you," he said dryly as he grabbed his hat and coat.
...
"Where are we going though? The other path is the quickest to the train station," Thomas asked as he walked with Chris down the main driveway. The sun broke through the frequently passing grey clouds overhead, bringing a comforting warmth to his back. The stiff breeze whipped up around them as the sun once more became dulled by the clouds as his overcoat flapped against the side of his lower leg.
"It is, but we're not taking the train. I have made another arrangement," Chris answered cryptically. Thomas glanced sideways at him and saw him smile and bit his lip.
"Tell me what is going on please? How can I be prepared if I don't know!" He wasn't very good at surprises.
"Fine. I called John Ellis yesterday evening and told him about how you need to see Richard. He and Marion agreed to help obviously, and he also was able to provide me with some information that we need to know in advance, just a few important details."
"You're making this sound like this is some sort of break in!" Thomas joked.
"Well, it needs to be planned as such. There are a few things that will help us. John told me that the nurse on duty today is a lot easier to deal with than the one that was on duty yesterday. He referred to the latter as a stubborn old bat, if I recall correctly!" They both sniggered at that and Thomas could imagine Richard's father saying such a thing. Richard got his humour from his father for sure. "John has an idea of what we can say to her to get you to see Richard, and he said he will handle that. The second thing though is that for some reason Richard is in a private room and not on a ward as we would have expected."
Thomas narrowed his eyes in thought. "How though? Who paid for that?"
"That's the mystery. Neither John, Marion or Richard know. They wondered if it was anyone from Downton, but I doubt it since I would have thought they would have told you."
"You're right, they would have." Thomas smirked to himself. "They like any of their charitable acts to be known about."
"Hmm, exactly what I thought. Whoever it was also made a sizeable donation to the hospital on top of the payment, which could be a genuine act of charity but to me it looks like a bribe." Chris stuffed his hands into his pockets. "But it comes in handy anyway, as that means you can be free to be yourselves around each other."
"Yes that's true," Thomas nodded thoughtfully as he tried to let the fact that he was going to see Richard, should all go well, very soon. It was the main obstacle that he had thought of before. Even if he had managed to get to see him, he and Richard would be too public for any affection to be shown and after so long in these circumstances of worry and fear, he didn't think either of them would be able to hide their feelings for each other well enough. "How are we getting there though?"
"I found us a driver!" Chris announced proudly. As they neared the end of the main driveway where it met the country lanes leading in various directions, Thomas had no choice but to burst out laughing as to who their driver was.
"Daniel!" Thomas exclaimed through laughs as he saw Daniel Jones leaning proudly against his father's butcher's van parked on a green verge, an impish grin on his face.
"Hello Mr Barrow. I'm your chauffeur!"
"And your father knows that you're going to drive his van to York and back?" Thomas couldn't help but smile.
"He thinks I am driving Mr Webster to York to visit his ill mother and that you are going along for emotional support. So please stick to the story if he asks how your mother is Mr Webster?"
"I will, won't we Thomas?"
"Of course. Not the first time I've gone to visit a relative that's been very ill, who makes a miraculous recovery. We can fit in the front though can't we?"
"Yeah, three seats. No problem. You don't need to ride in the back where the meat goes, don't worry! We should be going though if we're to get there in time," Daniel climbed up into the driver's seat and leaned across to open the door. Thomas climbed in next so he was sandwiched between Daniel and Chris. Three people could fit, at a squeeze it seemed.
"Thank you Daniel," Thomas said as Daniel started the engine.
"Not at all. I wanted to help somehow. If this works out then I will drive Richard back home when he is able to leave hospital as well."
...
The journey was not the most comfortable he had ever undertaken, and he had lost count of the amount of times that he or Chris had accidentally elbowed each other squeezed in like sardines in a tin. However, Thomas was not about to complain too much about the comfort of his journey as he was very grateful to both Chris and Daniel for arranging this. He just hoped it would work and that no one would come to regret it. His mind was in a whirl of emotions and thoughts. Not so long ago, he had come to terms with how he wouldn't see Richard for at least another couple of weeks, and now he was on his way to see him. But as they neared York his stomach began to churn with nerves and his heart began to pound as he worried about how this plan of Chris's was going to actually work out okay in the end. He had no idea how John Ellis was going to convince them to let him see Richard and even if he did, what if anyone questioned why? What reason could they give? What if it all went wrong and he ends up ruining his, Richards and everyone else's lives this day? Then there was the actual visit itself: he didn't understand why, but he was anxious about seeing Richard. He never liked to see people unwell, it made him feel uncomfortable. How would he know what to say to him? What if Richard was somehow different because of what happened to him? An additional worry was how on earth was he supposed to see him and then leave?
"I'll drop you off here shall I?" Daniel asked as the van slowed down.
"This will be fine. I don't think we will be longer than an hour," Chris said as he opened the door, the engine still running.
"I'll park by the road and wait for you two there," Daniel shouted over the engine as Thomas followed Chris and shut the door behind him. "Mr Barrow, you'll be fine," he added before driving away.
"He's right, you will be." Chris said.
"I had no idea I was being so obvious." Thomas took a deep breath.
"Now, when we go in, let John and I do the talking okay? And go along with what we say," Chris instructed as they walked through the main entrance. Thomas just nodded, he didn't mind letting them both take the reigns here. He didn't trust himself to speak.
He was so focused on his nerves that he didn't see John at first, sitting on a seat by the window, waiting for them. "Hello Mr Webster, Mr Barrow," he greeted them, more formally than Thomas was used to.
"Mr Ellis, has everything gone to plan?" Chris asked, hushing his voice.
"Perfectly, Mr Webster. I haven't mentioned anything to my son yet, as we agreed, but the nurse I mentioned, Nurse Holland, agreed eventually. I felt a bit guilty if I am honest, as I know she has rules to follow, but she did agree that the man who saved my son's life should be allowed to see him just this once."
"But I—" Thomas still didn't understand why everyone thought he played any great part in Richard's survival, but he remembered to play along, especially after Chris gave him a meaningful sideways glance.
"We are grateful to you Mr Barrow, my wife and I," John said to him more formally than he usually did, clasping his hand as he shook it. "I don't think we will ever be able to repay you."
Thomas reckoned this act of John pretending not to know Thomas personally was for the benefit of the receptionist behind the desk within earshot of them all. "I did what anyone else would have done Mr Ellis, I am only glad I was able to put my medical training from the war to some good use still," he answered carefully, playing along.
"Mr Ellis," a young nurse with a gentle face, who Thomas assumed was Nurse Holland, called out through a door, through which he could see a long corridor behind her.
"Nurse Holland, this is the man I told you about. Mr Barrow, he's the man who I owe a great amount of gratitude too," John said, Thomas wasn't sure if the wobble in his voice was acting or genuine. He had noticed earlier that John Ellis looked a bit older than he remembered him to be, as though he was weary from the strain of this situation. Thomas knew the feeling all too well, so he supposed he would be.
"If you and Mr Ellis would follow me, I'm afraid it can only be you two," she apologetically looked at Chris. "I am already bending the rules as it is."
"I understand Nurse, I'll wait for you both here okay?" Chris gave him an encouraging smile, Thomas nodded his thanks, it was all he could manage right now as his head pounded with his rapidly beating heart.
Thomas followed John and Nurse Holland down the long corridor, through another door and then up some stairs, where he saw Marion waiting for them on a seat outside a room. "I'll leave you to it," Nurse Holland said. "You can see him until the next hour."
"Thank you," Thomas managed just about as she left the three of them in the corridor. "And thank you for doing this for me, for us," he said to John and Marion.
"We've been wanting to find a way but it was hard to know how, but he needs to see you," Marion said as she stood up slowly and greeted him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Now you get in there and see him Thomas. You don't have long."
John gave him an encouraging smile. "We'll stay out here okay, if anyone comes along we will come in first okay?"
"Okay. Thank you." Thomas smiled nervously and let out a shaky breath. He tentatively opened the door, shutting it as quietly as he could behind him. He didn't know what to expect really. His mind had been filled with all sorts of images of how this reunion would play out. He was hit by the peaceful silence in the room, away from the sounds of a busy hospital outside. The sun shone through the large window, a tree immediately outside dappling the sunlight that lay on a patch on the wooden floor. He had spent a lot of time in hospitals but he never felt as he did now: a strange sense of tranquility, of hope that he had longed for.
He saw him. He had to look twice, as though he had dreamed this for so long that he never really believed he would see him again. Richard was sleeping. His head was turned to his side, his fringe flopped over his forehead carelessly. One arm was underneath the bed sheets, another lay on top limp with sleep. He was propped up on a couple of pillows so he was not lying completely flat. Thomas crept closer, not daring to breathe. Richard's eyelids flickered a little and Thomas wondered if he was dreaming or waking up? He saw his lips ever so slightly parted as his chest rose and fell gently. His sweet lips that Thomas longed for so long to kiss. Thomas sat down on the chair that was next to the bed, near the pillow and a little table that had a large arrangement of flowers sitting in a vase on it. There was a label attached. He turned it over to read it. When you are out of hospital I will bring you cream fudge, but enjoy these for now. Izzie x. Thomas tittered to himself at Izzie's perfect message. "Thomas?"
Thomas jumped and was lucky he was not holding onto the vase still or he may have knocked it over. Richard was looking at him with curious eyes, questioning him, as though he wasn't there. "Hello." He felt stupid once more. Hello? Really? Is that all you can say?
It didn't seem to matter though as Richard smiled at him and replied, "Hello. I really hope I'm not imagining you again, I keep doing that. I wake up from dreaming and you're still there until I realise you aren't."
Thomas felt his heart leap over itself a few times as though it was ready to burst out of his chest. He took Richard's hand in both of his and without realising found himself kneeling on the floor next to his bed. "You're not. I know we thought it impossible, but I'm here." He kissed Richard's hand and shut his eyes as he did so to stop his tears from escaping. "I'm here my love, and so are you."
"Thomas?" Richard whispered as his voice broke. "You're really...Oh my darling, I'm so sorry!"
Thomas pushed himself up further, so he was on one knee now, still clasping Richard's hand tightly. "Why? You're here. You made it." Thomas glanced over at the door. There was a small window in the top of it, where he could see the top of the back of John's head as they stood guard outside. "I love you." Thomas leaned down and cautiously, and ever so gently kissed the love of his life, the man he couldn't do without, on his fragile lips. It was a brief moment, but it was all they needed.
"I love you." Richard put his other hand on Thomas's cheek, and slid it down onto his neck. Thomas let him take it all in, and savored his touch as he did so. Richard jolted away as he coughed and then whimpered in pain.
Thomas panicked. "Richard what is it?" his eyes searching his face for an explanation so he could do something.
"It's alright darling. I just get a dry mouth when I have been sleeping for a while. Coughing hurts." Thomas could see Richard trying to resist coughing again, trying to slow his breathing down.
"Let me get you a drink." Thomas reluctantly let go of Richard's hand and stood to reach a glass and a jug of water on the window sill. He was back at Richard's side in an instant.
"I'll need to sit up. I'll just choke otherwise, which is worse." Richard began to ease himself up.
"Wait. Let me help you." Thomas grabbed a couple of spare pillows and put them on the bed. "Don't rush yourself." He let Richard take his time in adjusting his position, inching himself upright. He could see, although Richard tried to hide it, that he was still hurting a lot. When he was able Thomas tucked the pillows behind Richard's head and back and took his weight, easing him back into the cradling support of the pillows. "That okay?"
"Yes, better." Richard's voice still sounded dry so, sitting on the edge of the bed, Thomas passed him the glass and held it carefully as Richard drank it all. "Thank you. I feel pretty useless that I can't even do that on my own."
"I was the same when I was laid up in bed at Downton after I hurt myself. Hated being useless, but I got there in the end and so will you."
"I take back what I said before though, your bedside manner is excellent actually." Richard grinned slightly as he gave the glass back to him.
Thomas wasn't sure what he was talking about at first, before he remembered Richard had tried to joke as he lay dying in the woods. Thomas, as he did then, didn't find it so easy to joke about. He pulled up the sheets that had slipped down and as he did he saw the dressing that covered Richard's chest on the left side. He found himself staring at it as though captivated. His heart jumped again, though this time as his mind recalled the horror of that moment he will never forget. "Does it hurt?"
"Not as much as I expected. Or it might be that my ribs hurt more so I don't notice. They got it all out, which is good or else it would be something that would never heal fully. I haven't seen the wound. I don't look when the nurse changes it." Richard glanced at the clock. "How long can you be here? Actually, how did you get here?"
Thomas welcomed a change of subject and he sensed Richard did too so he welcomely indulged him. "Until four, twenty minutes or so. Your parents were involved, but Chris arranged it. He is very devious and your father is a good actor. I almost came here yesterday on my own, I was losing it really and I took it out on Chris I'm sorry to say."
"You mean you two argued? You never do that," Richard asked in disbelief.
"Suppose we haven't before." Thomas put that down to the fact that before, because Chris was so in love with him, he would never go against anything he said or did. "But anyway he called your father and they sorted it out. Daniel drove us here and I think he will be driving you back, as long as you don't mind riding home in a butcher's van!"
"Darling, I don't care how I get home as long as I do. I look forward to that more than anything. It's better here, in this room but I don't want to be here any longer than I need to." Richard took his hand again and Thomas enjoyed how Richard was stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. However, whilst Thomas knew Richard wanted to be back to normal as soon as he could, he thought he looked worried about being here.
"You're comfortable here though?"
"Yes but...Well you know I don't always have good memories of hospitals." Richard looked away from him. It was a subject they never spoke of. It was something Richard had mentioned years ago once when he first came to Downton after the royal visit, but he never went into detail and he never spoke of it again. Despite their absolute trust in one another, there were still some things that they knew never to talk about. Thomas hoped one day Richard would tell him more, but now was not the time to dwell on bad times.
Thomas kissed his hand again and he was rewarded by a loving smile from his partner. "You will be back soon." He looked around him. "Private room though, the mystery is intriguing as to how you got this. Did you smile sweetly at one of the nurses, or one of the doctors? Should I be jealous?"
His teasing did the trick as Richard smiled and chuckled, he even went a little red in the face. A full laugh was what Thomas had hoped for but Richard couldn't do so, for fear of his ribs paining him once more. It didn't matter, as the reaction warmed his own heart also. They were still exactly as they always have been around each other. "No, I've been too busy trying to stay alive to flirt with the medics Mr Barrow. You however, I can make the effort for. If you were a doctor here, do you think you would have given in to me?" Richard smirked, "Or perhaps a nurse. I know Nurse Barrow has a certain ring to it!"
"I was about to say that I would have done, but not anymore!" Thomas joked as he enjoyed the feeling of Richard's attentions, he had longed for this, for shameless flirting for ages it seemed. "You may be unwell Richard, but the Nurse Barrow thing is something I won't forgive easily."
"But you will make an exception for me won't you?" Richard pretended to plead.
Thomas rolled his eyes as he laughed. "Yes I will, always. You may get away with anything." He kissed him again, and took delight in Richard's returned kiss.
"Still, the mystery remains. My parents think it was your employers but I have another idea."
"Hmm, well I don't think it was them. They would have said. I think I know who you are going to suggest is behind this."
"Larry," Richard said fondly.
Thomas nodded. "Exactly what I was thinking. This has him written all over it."
"Hmm. Good old Larry." Richard sighed. "Do you think he will come to see me when I'm home?"
"Chris called him. I think he will be one of the first ones to visit. He's bringing Sebastian too from what I've heard. Wll be nice to meet him, the man who puts up with Larry's 'Larryness'!" Thomas sniggered, as Richard joined him.
"And how are the others? Chris and David?" Richard asked.
"Doing better now. David was full of guilt that it was all his fault but I think he's come to terms with the fact that I don't hold any of it against him. Mr Tomlinson has been helping with that I think. Chris I think has felt as though he must take over every responsibility. He did something the night you were...He went after Martin Lee."
Richard looked at him in shock. "What! What do you mean?"
"He followed him through the woods, stalked him to the edge of a quarry and almost shot him. He did it so the police would catch Martin, so he wouldn't get away and come back to try again. Chris and I have spoken more about it all recently, he didn't say much before. He missed, but on purpose. You know as I do that he is a crack shot."
"I never knew he had a gun though, how long has he had that?" Richard asked, his eyes wide with curiosity.
"Not sure. But he stole it before he came to Downton apparently, some act of revenge. All of this awoke a lot of memories and I am glad more than ever that he has David now. The police visit to ask about what happened that evening made him angry too. I heard David and him, not exactly arguing, but having a heated discussion. He hated them, but I suppose that was understandable."
Richard nodded with concern. "They came to question me yesterday. I think they seemed happy with what I told them. Chris though, is he doing okay with the shop?"
"Seems so, I think he has it all under control. He closes on Saturdays though, he hopes you don't mind, but he does need a break so I said you wouldn't."
"No, that's fine and he does. You know when I'm back there is something I want to ask him regarding the shop that I've been thinking about whilst lying here. I've had a lot of time to think."
Thomas felt a little worried and frowned with concern. "You're not selling it?"
"No! No, of course not. I love that place. But I can't tell you until I ask him. It's a good thing though I promise." Richard lifted his hand to his lips and kissed it as he looked at him. "What about Wilde?"
Thomas was curious about what Richard was thinking but left it as that as he trusted him when he said it would be a good thing. He giggled to himself as he thought about the trouble Wilde was causing in Richard's absence. "Oh don't worry about him Richard, he is settling right in at Downton. He either sleeps in my office or in my room at night, but now he has grown more used to his new home. He seems to be under the impression that the entire house is his to roam freely and that everyone in it, and I don't just mean the staff either, are his servants. I don't think his Lordship's dogs have actually seen him but I think they know he's around. He is a King there, that's for sure!"
Richard smiled. "I expect he keeps you busy?"
"Me and everyone else. Stephen caught him nosing around one of the guest bedrooms the other day. He does still go back home sometimes, but only when Chris has the shop open. He knows his way well enough between the village and the Abbey. I think he misses you though."
"I miss him. Even when he leaves parts of unfortunate rodents on the stairs!" Richard smiled tenderly. He glanced at the time again and in doing so his smile fell and was replaced with a sadness in his eyes. "Five minutes. How time flies," he added sullenly.
"I wish I could come again, but it was a big enough risk this time."
"I know and I understand. We can't push our luck, not when we've had so much lately. But Thomas, can you do something for me?"
This was the worst part of Chris's plan. Thomas knew that his time visiting would have to end. He hated it. If he knew he could be back tomorrow or even in a week it would be easier but this was it, their one and only opportunity until Richard returned to Downton. But he swallowed his own pain and tried to smile through it, for Richard's sake. "Anything my love."
"Kiss me, properly? So I can remember it. I know you've been holding back cause you don't want to hurt me and I love you for it, darling, I really do, but I need this more okay?" Richard pleaded.
It was an easy request, but at the same time, a difficult one. A kiss. Nothing they've not done thousands of times before, but it felt like a goodbye and Thomas couldn't bear that. "Okay, but not a goodbye, a see you soon kiss okay?" Richard faintly smiled, a sad smile that Thomas now needed to replace with something better. He shuffled closer to Richard, and leaned over him. Normally his hand would rest on his chest but instead he put it on the bed just above Richard's shoulder. His eyes flickered shut as he closed the gap between their lips, he reckoned Richard did the same. He gently brushed Richard's lips with his own, a light touch that asked permission, which was freely given by Richard who had, by this time, laid his hand on the back of Thomas's neck. Richard parted his lips as he felt their tongues clash and dance around each other as their passion intensified by the lack of time. Thomas felt Richard grip onto the back of his shirt collar as their noses pushed against each other in an effort to be closer to each other still. His lips felt warmer, his desire to stay intensified. How could he leave now? Eventually they parted, both panting a little, if the effort pained Richard's chest in any way he did not show it.
Richard kissed him again, with reddened lips and blushed cheeks. "Kiss me like that when we are home."
"I promise my love, I do."
Note: This one turned out a lot longer than I expected, but it was necessary and I couldn't shorten the last scene!