Chapter 2: I'd Sacrifice My Beating Heart Before I'd Lose You
Eddie is one of the last to arrive at his Abuela's house for dinner that evening. He checks his phone and sees that he has three more text messages from Hen. One asking if he's okay, one asking him to call her and one telling him that she and Bobby won't say anything to anyone. He sighs in relief but doesn't respond. His heart is still racing even after the twenty-minute drive from the station. He grips the steering wheel to steady his hands and takes a deep breath.
It helps a little.
Barely.
He's kicking himself for being so reckless at work. He's been playing the pronoun game for years and he's never slipped up. He must have been way more exhausted than he realized after the near constant string of calls today for his brain to short circuit so spectacularly. That is the only earthly explanation he can come up with for what just happened. At least his family already knows he's bisexual so he doesn't have to spend what little mental energy he has left watching everything he says around them tonight too.
He takes three more deep breaths and opens his car door. He can hear the kids laughing and shouting from the backyard before he even reaches the driveway. He lets himself in through the front door and finds his Abuela in the kitchen, bustling around trying to put the finishing touches on a dozen things at once like she always does. He has no idea how she manages it but she makes it look effortless. Her hands are fully occupied so he gives her a quick kiss on the cheek and gets out of her way again.
"Want any help?" he offers, already knowing that she'll refuse no matter how much he pushes. (He doesn't blame her. It's for the best).
"Edmundo, get out of here. Go say hello to your family," his Abuela scolds him and swats him with an oven mitt, but there's pure love in her voice. "Christopher está afuera con sus primos. Mariela y Sophia también."
He moves through the house toward the backyard, greeting various family members on his way. He doesn't get the usual questions about when they'll finally get to meet "that boyfriend of his" (or the complaints that some of the family already got to meet him) and Eddie has a feeling that Mari tipped them off to the breakup. And probably threatened them with bodily harm or embarrassment if they brought it up tonight. There's a reason she's his favorite cousin.
Eddie finally makes it through the house and out to the deck where he can watch Christopher and his cousins playing some game in the back yard. It seems to involve tossing a ball to each other, charades and the big tree as home base. Eddie will never understand how this game is played. He's positive the rules change every single time no matter how much the kids deny it. (He wouldn't be surprised if they were messing with the adults, anyway). As soon as Christopher sees his dad watching the game, he abandons it completely and rushes over to him. Eddie jumps down the deck stairs to be on level ground with Christopher and scoops his boy into a fierce hug.
"I missed you, buddy. Did you have fun at your sleepover last night?"
"It was the best!" Christopher's smile is one of the biggest he's ever seen. "Tía Mari let us make s'mores in the microwave and we got to put ice cream on top and any toppings we wanted. And we stayed up past midnight watching movies and playing video games!"
"Sounds pretty awesome!" Yeah, he definitely owes Mari after this. He has a feeling he'll be hosting a sleepover for Mari's boys one of these weekends. He'll volunteer Buck as a co-host.
"Did you have fun at your sleepover too?" Eddie must look confused because Chris adds "At Tía Sophia's house with Auntie Ash and Aunt Carly?"
"Yeah, but I think yours was better." He makes a mental note to ask Mari exactly what she told Christopher about why he needed to stay at Sophia's house last night. "You should go play your game. Your cousins are waiting for you," Eddie nudges Christopher in the direction of the game and Christopher eagerly gets back to it while Eddie returns to the deck and takes a seat, keeping an eye on the kids.
It doesn't take Mari or Sophia long to do the same, pulling up deck chairs on either side of him. Mari wordlessly offers him a choice of a beer or a bottled water. After last night, he opts for the water and almost immediately starts anxiously picking at the label wrapped around it, tiny flakes of paper fluttering to the ground by his feet. Mari definitely notices the habit for what it is: A sign that Eddie's mind isn't quite as calm as his relaxed posture would have everyone believe. She opens the beer for herself and takes a seat while Sophia sips her wine and gets comfortable on his other side. They sit like that for a few minutes watching the kids play their game.
"So, you wanna tell me why I just got a phone call from Bobby asking if you're here and if you seem okay?" Mari finally asks. Eddie groans and throws his head back. Bobby is such a dad sometimes. And even though Eddie doesn't want to actually talk to him just yet, he can still appreciate Bobby wanting to make sure he's at least okay.
"Bobby worries sometimes."
"So what happened today that's got him so worried about you?" prompts Sophia. She knows her brother too well to fall for his attempts to dodge their questions.
"Did you guys lose someone on a call?" Mari asks hesitantly.
"No, no nothing like that." Eddie shakes his head. He takes a deep breath. "I kinda came out at work. On accident," he immediately adds before they get too excited and start congratulating him and making a big deal about it. "And then I got the hell out of there before Hen or Bobby could say anything," he finishes, groaning at his own carelessness. He can't believe he slipped up like that after so many years.
"You mean you ran away," Sophia corrects him, fixing him with a look that is the perfect combination of exasperation and understanding that only an older sister can manage.
"I stand by my choice," mutters Eddie.
"Are you really worried that Hen and Bobby are going to be anything but supportive?" asks Mari softly. She's definitely using her guidance counselor voice on him right now but it's working and making him feel calmer than he has since he left work so he's not going to stop her any time soon.
He shakes his head no, because it's the truth. But it's not the entire truth. Knowing that Hen and Bobby are supportive makes coming out easier, but that doesn't actually make it easy. And that's just something the Sophia and Mari can never understand no matter how supportive they are because it's just not something they've ever had to think about. He wishes Ash and Carly were still in town. They'd understand, no explanation required.
"Do you wish they didn't know?"
"No," he answers immediately, surprising himself at how fast he answers Mari's question. He's even more surprised at just how right that answer feels. He's almost relieved that Hen and Bobby know now. Or at least he will be once he gets used to the idea.
Eventually.
It's all a little new and he's still trying to process everything that just happened in the last hour and a half.
"So this is a good thing?" Mari asks.
"It's a thing," Eddie hedges, not quite ready to commit to this being a good thing just yet but also aware that it's not exactly a bad thing either. "I just didn't want it to happen like it did today." And as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he knows he's pinpointed exactly what's bothering him.
He didn't get to consciously choose to come out today.
"It'll be a good thing," Mari reassures him. She's got the faintest hint of a smirk and a twinkle in her eye that makes Eddie think she figured out what was bothering him a lot sooner than he did. Her position as favorite cousin is secure, especially if she keeps using her guidance counselor skills to talk him off the proverbial ledge like she just did.
"What did Buck say when you outed yourself?" Sophia asks. The smirk on her face is much less well intentioned than Mari's. Apparently now that they've established he's going to be okay, she's got her own personal agenda.
"Nothing. He doesn't know yet," Eddie replies, hoping that's the end of his sister's inquisition.
This is apparently Earth shattering news to both Mari and Sophia based on how wide their eyes get. He doesn't blame them for being surprised though. Hell, he always assumed that Buck would be the first person at the 118 he'd come out to. And it's not like the thought hasn't crossed his mind recently. Hell, lately he's been mentally rehearsing that conversation more often than is probably healthy. But none of those mental conversations have helped him find the words he's been looking for yet so he hasn't said anything.
Sophia is the first one to get over her shock.
"How is that possible!" she cries, spinning to face Eddie so quickly that some of her wine almost sloshes over the rim of her glass. "You two act more like a couple than some actual couples I know!"
"That says more about the couples you know," Eddie deflects. Maybe if he dodges enough of her questions, Sophia will give up.
The look she's giving him tells him he's very very wrong about that.
"To be honest, when you mentioned you started seeing someone a few months ago we thought you were going to tell us it was Buck," Mari admits. Sophia nods in agreement.
It's Eddie's turn to stare in wide-eyed surprise.
"You two are always together. You're constantly in each other's space. He comes to family dinner more often than not, sometimes when you don't even come," Sophia points out, holding up a finger to punctuate each example. "Not to mention how he and Christopher are together."
"Do you know how often your sisters kept bugging me for dirt about your new boyfriend the first time you brought Buck to dinner?" Knowing his sisters, Eddie could only imagine how nosey they got. Sophia at least has the decency to look apologetic. He assumes it's for taking up all of Mari's free time and not because she was sticking her nose into his personal life where it didn't belong.
"It's not my fault y'all are a bunch of chismosas with nothing better to talk about. Buck is just a friend," he insists.
"For now," teases Sophia, undeterred. "Not that you'd be complaining if he were something more."
"Help me out here, Mariposa," Eddie pleads, resorting to his childhood nickname for her, hoping it will regain her allegiance.
"Don't look at me, I'm with Sophia on this one."
"Traitor," he mumbles.
"Only because I want you to be happy."
"And you think Buck will make me happy?"
Mari shrugs. "I don't know. What I do know is you've never looked at Jordan the way I see you look at Buck every time he's around. Every. Single. Time," she emphasizes.
"It doesn't matter how I look at him. He's straight," Eddie reminds them. He could deny Sophia's claim, but neither Sophia or Mari would let him get away with that. Besides, outright denying it doesn't feel right to him either.
Sophia laughs so hard she snorts. "Oh, you're serious. You actually think he's straight even though he flirts with you all the time."
"That's just Buck. He's like that with everyone," he brushes off her claim. No matter how much Eddie wishes that wasn't the case.
"Hey," says Mari softly, nudging his ankle with her toe. There's not a single trace of the earlier teasing left in her voice. "We also see the way he looks at you."
"You're reading too much into things. Buck is straight. And if by some miracle he's not, there's a reason he hasn't said anything yet."
"And if by some miracle he's not straight, remember that you deserve to be happy too," counters Mari. Sophia nods in agreement.
"It's not that easy. I have Christopher to think about."
"Then you have nothing to worry about. Christopher absolutely adores Buck and Buck will do anything for that kid," Sophia tries to reassure him.
"That's part of the problem." Eddie sighs. "Christopher is already so attached to Buck. If we ever do date and then break up, Christopher loses Buck too. I'm not willing to risk that."
What he and Buck have now is good. It works and it's safe. Buck is his best friend and a point of stability in his and Christopher's lives. If that's all Eddie ever gets to have, he can accept that.
"Buck would never abandon Christopher," Mari says, letting her gaze drift to where her boys and Christopher are still playing in the yard.
"Not intentionally," Eddie agrees. But breakups can be awkward and unpredictable, even when everyone has the best intentions. Pulling away, even unintentionally, is inevitable. And Eddie is adamant that Christopher's relationship with Buck will not be collateral damage to anything that happens between him and Buck, even if that means all they'll ever be is best friends.
"Eds, you're my favorite little brother so at least hear me out. I know you want to be cautious, and you absolutely should be where Christopher's concerned, but you have to stop being so damn pessimistic."
"Pragmatic," Eddie counters. Sophia rolls her eyes at him and Mari fights back a laugh at her cousins.
"I'm just saying, don't be so pragmatic that you sacrifice your own happiness in the process." Sophia throws his word back at him with a grin. "You and Buck might date and live happily ever after instead of breaking up, you know. Miracles happen."
"Okay, you two might have a point," Eddie admits. "But it doesn't matter because Buck is straight," Eddie says to remind Mari and Sophia just as much as he says it to remind himself. The last thing he needs is to let himself think about a relationship that might never be possible.
Whatever Mari and Sophia are about to say in response is cut off by Tía Pepa appearing behind them on the deck to round up everyone for dinner.
Tía Pepa did always have good timing.
Hope you enjoyed Chapter 2! Please let me know what you think!
And to anyone who was curious: Yes, this fic is finished and there will be 4 chapters. The next fic in the series is in progress.