"Chasing after You"
Chapter 6
Tuesday. It was Beth's least favorite day of the week; for whatever reason, they always seemed to come with headaches and bad moods. This particular Tuesday was shaping up no differently than expected, and it was only seven in the morning. She'd been keeping to herself over the last few days, mainly for her own benefit, but also for her family's sake. There was enough going on with the Duttons as a whole- Beth saw no need to add her own bullshit to the mix. Lee was gone and Kayce had been arrested in relation to his death. Kayce wife, Monica, had recently suffered a severe head injury, and while she was healing slowly but surely, Beth had no interest in listening to her sister-in-law bitch about injustices all the time.
John had tasked Beth with helping Jamie secure the position of Montana's next attorney general. While she wasn't convinced that John wasn't trying to torture her, she was making the most of her time with dear Jamie. Her father may have trusted him, but Beth could see right through her brother's ass-kissing. The only one Jamie was truly loyal to was himself, and that was something she would bet on. She was prepared to destroy him at a moment's notice, if necessary, and she would take pleasure doing so when the time came.
Beth knew that her foul mood wasn't welcome at the breakfast table, so she helped herself to an Irish coffee without so much as a good morning to their cook, Gator, before going outside to be alone. What the fuck am I doing here? She pulled her brown suede coat tighter to block the early morning chill.
While she'd never been much of a rider, Beth had always found solace with the horses. Maybe it was because she knew she'd never disappoint a horse; maybe it was because their smell always reminded her of Rip. Whatever the case, she found herself heading towards the barn to their familiar comfort. The wranglers would be gone by now and, with any luck, she'd have the place to herself. She needed time to reflect, time to regroup and collect her thoughts.
She took a long drink of the coffee and thought back to her conversation with Governor Perry the previous day. In the middle of their discussion about Jamie's canadacy, Lynelle had cleared the room to accuse Beth of being toxic, an emotionally stunted child, and she had actually called her a highly functioning alcoholic. Eah, Beth thought, bitch might be right on that part… She looked into her half empty coffee cup then poured the rest out.
As she made her way through the stalls, her mind wandered. Jenkins, the Paradise Valley project, even her dumbass brothers left her mind as she greeted an old chestnut mare. "Hey, Beauty," she murmured to the horse. Beauty made a soft snuffling sound as she sniffed Beth's face. She wasn't sure if the horse remembered her or not, but she liked to think so. Beauty was the horse John bought Beth after her mother died, one of the strange ways he'd grieved his wife's death. That was before loathing and blame set in, of course- those came later.
While she'd only ridden Beauty once the day John gave her the horse, Beth had a certain fondness for the old mare. She found a nearby brush and set to work lovingly combing her mane. As she brushed, Beth felt some tension in her shoulders release. She took a deep breath and tried to force her insecurities and imperfections out with it. Though she'd never admit it, she'd probably have benefited from some hippie yoga class back in Salt Lake City, but a few meditative breaths were all she would allow herself here. No one was going to see her weakness- not here, not now.
The repetition of her task made the work pass quickly and by the time she was finished, her mind felt a little more at peace. She hung the brush back on the nail where she'd found it and then retrieved her coffee mug. Maybe I'll have another cup of just coffee, she thought to herself as she bade Beauty goodbye and turned to go back to the house.
I was right. Fuck Tuesday. Despite Beth's attempt at a peaceful day, it hadn't worked out according to plan. After leaving the barn, she'd returned to the house for coffee and she'd actually kept the promise she'd made herself- no whiskey in this cup. She'd expected to find Gator in the kitchen, but saw John gazing out the window instead. "Good morning, Daddy." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek but he didn't turn around. "How're you today?"
"Beth," he began, "you shouldn't ask questions you don't wanna know the answer to." When he finally turned to face her, Beth saw the years in his face- he was tired.
"That good, huh?" She hadn't backed down from him, a trait John had always admired about her. Standing in the sunlight of the kitchen, he couldn't help but see his late wife in his daughter's features- she had her mother's jawline and green eyes. Beth had become the woman Evelyn had always pushed her to be, the man most men couldn't. John fleetingly wondered if Evelyn's strong hand had really been what was best for Beth.
"Daddy-,"
"Beth-," they spoke over one another but John continued. "Beth, I was insensitive yesterday, what I said about your mother." He looked down at his hands and picked at his fingernail rather than meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry."
Beth thought of the previous afternoon's harsh exchange. He had been angry, but so had she. She waited until he looked up before speaking again. "Why didn't you tell us you have cancer?" Her eyes locked with John's; clearly his daughter wasn't going to beat around the bush like any of his sons would have.
"Dammit, Beth!" He raised his voice. "I had cancer, I don't have it any more. And I didn't lie to you- I just didn't tell you."
"A lie of omission," her voice was icy. "It's the same fucking thing." Beth grabbed her coffee cup and disappeared up the back stairs to her bedroom. Once alone, she took a long drink from the mug and made straight for the bar cart in the corner. After one more scalding gulp, there was enough room for whiskey, which she added liberally. So much for laying off the alcohol.
As Beth turned her car off the main road and onto the Yellowstone property, she wondered for what seemed like the millionth time lately, where she'd gone wrong. She pulled into the grass in her usual spot, thinking back over her day.
After her delightful chat with John that morning, Beth met with Jamie and his new assistant Christina to finalize a few last minute details regarding his campaign. He was kicking off tomorrow with two big rallies, the first in Bozeman and the second in Butte. Despite her inexplicable interest in Jamie, Christina wasn't turning out to be as bad as Beth had initially thought. Maybe she'd keep him from making a fool of himself, at least. Either way, anyone who took Jamie-sitting duties off of her was a win in Beth's book.
From the campaign office, she went to the Deer Falls Country Club for lunch and perhaps a bit of eavesdropping. She'd heard rumor that Dan Jenkins had been seen there recently meeting with the Broken Rock Reservation's new chairman, Thomas Rainwater. She'd had a salad and a few vodka martinis while waiting for something interesting to happen. It was only at the mid-afternoon shift change that Beth decided to go elsewhere. Mr. Tattle Tale Bartender Charlie came on duty and she knew she didn't have the patience for him on that particular day.
When she left the country club, she should've just gone home. The Livestock Commissioner's banquet in her father's honor was that night and she and Jamie were expected to be there. Beth decided she had enough time, however, and instead of turning right to go home, she went left to the nearest bar. If she wasn't welcome at the country club, at least she knew she'd be at home on a different barstool down the road. She did some of her best thinking on barstools, after all, plus no one would pester about smoking in a honkytonk.
Before she knew it, time had gotten away from her and one drink- to help her "think clearly"- had turned into one too many. She'd danced with a stranger but had gotten pissed when he grabbed her ass. Now, it was after midnight and she had several missed calls and one angry voicemail from John.
Back in her bedroom, Beth took off her dress and dropped it on the floor before flopping down on her unmade bed. The room was spinning ever so slightly and her emotions were raging again. Despite her best efforts, her eyes were getting blurry and a lump had formed in her throat. She was too exhausted to fight it off, so she just laid there with silent tears running down her cheeks until, eventually, she drifted into an uneasy sleep.
The next morning, Beth was already awake when the sunlight began to shine through her bedroom window. She'd spent a couple hours tossing and turning in light sleep, but most of her night involved staring at the ceiling, deep in thought. Today was a new day and she was determined to make the most of it. Her eyes were still red from crying and her head was pounding but something inside had changed. With a renewed sense of resolve, she sat up slowly. The room wasn't spinning any more, thankfully. So far so good, she thought before finding an old pair of boots in the closet and getting dressed.
Ten minutes later, Beth was at the barn just like the previous morning. Today, she would face her fears; today, she was going to ride. She skipped over Beauty in favor of a younger horse named Dale; once tacked up, she led him out of the barn and to the corral. After making sure her hat was firmly in place, she took a deep breath and mounted the horse.
The feeling of the beast under her was both familiar and terrifying; Dale was a tall horse and the ground seemed like a very long way down. Throwing caution to the wind, Beth tightened her legs around him and kicked him in the belly. The horse shot forward like a sports car with too much gas. She lost hold of the reins and landed firmly on her ass, hat nowhere to be seen. She thought she'd been alone, so it surprised her when she heard a voice from above.
"Damn, you got buckarooed right onto your peanut." It was the new hire, Walker.
Still laying in the dirt, she looked up at him. "Say that again in English- I don't speak dipshit." Walker laughed, which irritated Beth. She quickly stood and mounted the horse again; this time he bucked almost immediately and she found herself in the dirt again.
Walker approached the horse and gently took his reins. He climbed on easily and took Dale for a canter around the ring. He came back to where Beth waited and stopped.
"How do you do that?" she asked him quietly.
Walker dismounted and came up behind Beth. He tentatively placed his hands on her waist and felt her body tense at his touch. "How's that feel?" he asked.
Beth resisted the urge to pull away from him. "Like you're about three seconds away from getting pepper sprayed," she replied, a bite to her voice.
Walker scoffed. "No, seriously," he said without removing his hands.
Beth signed and rolled her eyes. "Feels fine."
"Now, what about this?" His grip tightened and Beth took a deep, startled breath.
"Like you're going to hurt me."
Walker released her and nodded. "Think about this." He stroked the horse's nose while he talked. "A horse can feel a fly land on his back. You better believe he can feel everything comin' off of you."
While his words made sense, she was still skeptical. As she mounted the horse again, Walker took the reins from her and placed them on the horse's back. "You want me to do this without reins?" Her body language didn't give anything away, but inside Beth was panicking.
"You want him to trust you, don'tcha?" Walker asked. "Well, you gotta trust him too."
Beth brushed a lock of strawberry blonde hair from her face and sat up straighter. I can do this. With her hands resting on her thighs, she gave the horse a gentle nudge, and they began to circle the arena. He started off slow and she was surprised at how easy it was. As Dale picked up speed, peace rolled over her; Beth opened her arms wide and stretched towards the sky.
On her second circle around the arena, Beth noticed John and Rip leaning against the fence. Her father was smiling, watching her ride, but Rip's face was stern. It had been almost a week since they'd spoken last and Beth got the impression that she'd done something to offend him. Before she made it to the fence, he had turned and walked away, leaving her with John and Walker.
What a shitty day, Rip thought. He'd been in the park all day, hunting down a grizzly bear that John had spotted. Now that the bear was dead, they would have to deal with a wildlife investigation, but it was nothing that they couldn't handle. Even though he was tired and he didn't feel like being social, he decided to stop by the bunkhouse for a bite of supper. As he approached, he heard music and laughter drifting from an open window; he went inside but then stopped dead in his tracks. Sitting among the wranglers, right beside Walker, was Beth and her nephew Tate. Shoulda fuckin' known, he thought.
Beth looked over her shoulder at Rip and smiled, "Brought the music festival to me, huh?"
Rip stared back at her and then glared at Walker before leaving without another word.