"Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go"

CHAPTER 2

Everything he learned from med school suddenly washed away. Whatever lesson can help you prepare for something like this? Everything that they taught you back in med school about controlling your emotion upon facing a patient vanished but this one, she's not any other patient. She is his wife. His wife who he ignored for years, his wife who's always been there for him, his wife who is understanding until she gets tired of it.

"Where is she?" Derek asked once they reached the emergency room.

Richard guides him in a trauma room full of doctors, at first he didn't see her. Bailey looks back and comes to meet him and that's when he gets a little glimpse of a red auburn hair splayed on the gurney. He also noticed that a resident was cutting off the rings on her left finger. The engagement ring which resulted from his hard work, he saved so much just to give Addison the ring that she deserved even though she mentioned that 'no rings can ever be greater than the love we have.' Then there is her wedding ring, the sign of their shared life, their future together, the life that they dreamed together. 'From everyday until eternity' he was the one who thought of engraving it in their wedding rings. He did this to surprise Addison along with the song that he wrote for her.

Now where did it all go?

His thoughts were disturbed but his gaze didn't leave his wife then the resident in front of him started to talk. "She was in and out of consciousness from the scene until here." she paused then looked from Derek to the chief and he nodded for approval. "We already called her brother." she stated which made Derek look at Bailey and frown. "Why would you call Archer?"

"He- ahmm she…" Bailey can't find any word, still in shock because one of her closest friends is laying unconsciously inside the trauma room.

"Archer Montgomery is Addison's emergency contact." Richard filled in.

"What?" Derek frowns even more.

"He was listed as Addison's emergency contact." the chief repeats.

"But I'm her husband, we were each other's emergency contact, I was there when she signed." Derek said then again looked inside the trauma room.

"Based from her records she changed it two years ago because of a miscarriage." Bailey said, reading Addison's medical records. Derek was taken aback by the news, not because of the change in emergency contact anymore but the miscarriage. Addison had a miscarriage? His wife had a miscarriage two years ago and he didn't even know until now. "Miscarriage?" He spoke his thoughts out loud. "You don't know?" Both doctors looked at him, confusion painted on both faces. Derek disappointedly shook his head. "We shouldn't talk about it further." Richard shakes his head. "Want type of miscarriage? How far along is she? Wha-what…" he quickly asked the resident, panic visible in his eyes. "We shouldn't talk about it further until her emergency contact arrives." Richard replied. "Dr. Montgomery is already on a plane going here." Bailey informed them.

"It's good that you remember, but you remember too late. Happy freakin' anniversary Mr. Derek Shepherd." Richard looks disappointed at his former student and makes his way inside the trauma room where his surrogate daughter is in, leaving Derek outside to ponder.

He was sitting down on the floor just outside the trauma room, eyes puffy red. Trying to process everything that happened.

He didn't forget that it was their anniversary, he was just simply avoiding it. He was going to show up eventually but he just needed some time. He doesn't know how to spend time with his wife anymore.

"Maybe, maybe one day you'll realize you still love her but what if it is already too late? What if by the time you realize you want to be with her and stay in your marriage it'll be too late? And she's already gone. Don't wait for it to come to that point. If you want an out, just let her go."

He just needed to think about everything, he needed to be sure but he was ready to fight for their marriage. After his talk with Bailey, it really opened his mind and pushed him even more.

Why did he let it get this far? He should have been there with her. He should have shown up on time or earlier. He should have been there celebrating their anniversary with but instead he chose to overthink things and forget to show up, now she's there inside the trauma room fighting for her life.

Today marks their 12th anniversary and her life's in danger because of his carelessness.

"CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!" He heard someone shout from the inside of the room. He quickly got up and entered.

"Wha-what is happening? How is she? Somebody tell me what's happening. Richard? Bailey? Anybody?!" He shouted in panic, he was shaking seeing his wife in that bloody state and monitor beeping. He tried getting near to her but Karev blocked him. "Please, Richard." He pleaded. "Please." he is crying again. Then they heard the heart monitor turning back to normal. All of them breathed deeply in relief.

"We'll do everything, Shepherd." Richard assures him even though he himself is in panic seeing Addison. Then he signals Alex to take Derek out. "Let's go Shepherd." Karev slightly taps Derek's shoulder. "Richard, do everything you have to do. Promise me please." He needed assurance that Addison, his wife, would be okay. "I will."

Derek is still shaking hysterically. Karev noticed the breakdown of his mentor's husband. "She'll be fine, she's a fighter." Karev tried to comfort him. "I need her to be okay. I have so many things to make up for her." Derek wipes the tears streaming down his face. "Don't feel obligated to do it. She deserves better than that." Never in his life is Derek thankful because Karev is talking in present tense.

"I am not obligated to do it. I love her, she's the love of my life. I'm just scared that I am too late." Derek tears up again and runs his hand through his hair. "She's gonna fight, she has to for the… you, she has so many people to fight for, so many reasons to fight for. She'll survive." Karev shows his sympathy to the neurosurgeon who looks shattered.

Archer Montgomery enters the hospital in a hurry to see his little sister. He was in New York getting ready for his book signing when Richard called him and informed him about his sister's accident. He took the first plane out and cancelled the event immediately.

"Archer Montgomery." He heard someone calling him. "Richard Webber." He greeted.

"How is she? Where is she now?" The concern is visible in his voice. "She's… she's stable for now but I have to tell you we are deeply concerned too." Richard tells him carefully. "Does she have a Broken bones? Amputation? Brain bleed?" There are more case scenarios playing through his mind but he refused to think of it. "It is best if you come with me."

Derek is waiting impatiently outside the ICU. The only news that they had given him is that she's stable for now and would be transferred in the ICU. While walking back and forth in his spot he got a glimpse of a familiar face; Archer. He's already here and he is probably talking to Addison's doctors, he can't see all of them. He walked there but no one noticed him so he tried to eavesdrop.

"If anything were to happen, I am choosing to save my sister. No questions asked." He heard Archer argue with the doctors. "Mr. Montgomery…" Dr. Torres started. "Dr. Montgomery." Archer corrected.

"Dr. Montgomery, her injuries are very severe but we also have to consider what she wants." Bailey doctor to explain.

"We won't know what she wants if she doesn't wake up. My top priority is the safety of my sister, the b…" Archer argued but Derek didn't hear the last part because someone called him from behind which he is sure the doctors heard too. "Meredith." he looked back.

"Derek Shepherd, nice of you to show up." He heard Archer say, he closed his eyes and faced his brother-in-law. "Archer, nice of you to come." stupid, stupid question he thought. "Of course, my sister needed me. I'm not like you." Richard feels the tension between the two in-laws. "Derek, we'll talk to you later."

"Why later? I have to know what is happening with my wife." He countered and saw Archer smirked. "Oh, you remember you have a wife. I never thought I'd see you this concern about her again. You don't deserve her from day one but she never listened to me, Bizzy and the Captain. She was so blinded by her love for you that she'll do everything to be with you and now look at what that love has gotten her." Archer's rage is burning through his veins remembering all the late night calls from her sister crying because of Derek. Then there is the miscarriage she had two years ago. Derek was in a conference, all their friends called him but didn't answer any of them. No one bothers again to inform Derek about it because of Addison's request and also due to their hidden disappointment about Derek not caring for his wife. That is the reason Addison chose to change her emergency contact.

"I know I don't deserve her but I am her husband and I deserve to know what is happening to my wife." Derek argued. "I also need to see her." Derek continued. "How very demanding for an indifferent husband like you." Archer scoffed. "Richard please?" Derek pleaded to the chief. "Derek, you know the protocol. You have to ask Archer for permission until Addie is already awake." Richard explains which made Archer's smirk grow wider. "I don't give my permission."

Because of Archer's refusal Derek is back to impatiently waiting to see his wife. He really needs to see her, to see for himself that she is safe. He wanted to cry, he has been crying ever since he heard about the accident. He entered the elevator, eyes still puffy. Miranda Bailey was inside and noticed the state of the neurosurgeon. She saw that Derek was holding off his tears, that is when she decided to hit the emergency stop button. Derek slightly looks at the resident and immediately breaks down.

"Today's our anniversary, you know? 12 years. I should have been there. If I was there this wouldn't have happened. She'll be safe at home and in my arms but I am a coward. I am a coward Bailey, that's what I am." tears stream down on his face. "She's still here. She's still here and she's alive. You wouldn't know that this would happen. That's why you can't blame yourself for this one. She's still here and there is still time to make up for your shortcomings." Bailey sat down on the floor with Derek. "I want to see her. I want to caress her cheek and feel her warmth." Derek buried his face in his palm. Bailey stares at Derek for a moment noticing the breakdown of her friend's husband. Addison wouldn't like Derek to be this way. "Meet me later at 5 near the ICU." She suggested. Derek looks up and frowns a little. "What? I can orchestrate a little sneaking too." The resident said looking at the surgeon's confused face. "I am doing this for her, not for you. I know she would like you to be near her.

Dr. Bailey is true to her word. Derek will get to see Addison. She made an excuse that Addison should be monitored more and that she needed some privacy which doesn't really make sense but they bought it.

"30 minutes Shepherd, 30." Bailey reminded him before he could enter the ICU. "Thank you Bailey, I am in debt to you." Derek smiled appreciatively. "Just get in there Shepherd." Bailey points out

He breathed deeply before slightly sliding the door and opening the curtain. Finally, he got a clearer glimpse of his wife. But this is not the state he ever wishes to see her. He walked near her bed and studied her face. Once he is beside her, he carefully caresses her cheek, tears starting to build up again. "Hey, honey. It's our anniversary. Our longest anniversary, I think. I'm so sorry for not showing up. I promise when you wake up, I will make it up to you." He pauses to kiss her left hand. "You and I, we will take our vacation. We will take all the time we need. I will be there with you, no distractions. I promise I will make you happy again, just please wake up." The tears that were building up on his eyes are now streaming down his face. "I love you Addie."

Three days later, Bailey still helps Derek to sneak into Addison's ICU room. He is still not informed of all her injuries because Archer refused to tell him but having those sneaky 30 minutes everyday just being with his wife is more than enough for now. Now, he realizes even more that he truly wants to make it work, still wants that 'for everyday until eternity' with her.

Derek is in Addison's ICU room caressing her left finger and tracing the mark where her rings used to be in. He mental noted that he was going to ask the doctors where it was. Suddenly, he feels a slight movement on the bed. Addison is waking up. He stands up and caresses her cheek. "Come on honey, it's time to wake up." Addison stirred even more and slowly opened her eyes. "De-Derek?" She groggily said. "Hey, I'm here." Derek smiled. "You're here." She slightly smiled back.

Ever since Addison woke up, Derek never left her side in the exemption of her first check up because Addison wanted to be checked alone at that time.

"Honey, how are you?" Derek asked upon entering Addison's private room. "Honey?" Addison frowns. "Addie, I'm so sorry. I should have been with you, this shouldn't have happened to you. I shouldn't have been indifferent to you. But I am willing to fight for us now. I am in this with you. I will do anything for you to forgive me." Derek kisses her hand. "Why now Derek? Why now?" Addison began to tear up. "I'm sorry that I realize it too late, but I am here now and I'm not going anywhere. I promise." Derek promised and caressed her face. "I love you Addie and I am so in love with you." He looked at her with love intensity which made Addison swallowed. Derek is showing his affection for her but all she could think about is 'Why now? Why now when she already made a decision? Why now when it's already too late?'

"I love you too, Derek"

The day after, Derek brought flowers for his wife and a present to surprise her. It was like his late gift for their anniversary. Today marks the day that he is going to really try. He decided that he is going to pursue her again. On his way to her private room he noticed a nurse putting out some of the beddings. He looked inside. He was the one who was surprised, the room was empty.

She's already gone.