Chapter 2
Sleeping had admittedly always been a problem for Kowalski, but that night sleep seemed almost impossible. All he could do was stare out into the dulled soft light filtering through the base and try to occupy his mind with things that weren't the possibility of waking up in awful amounts of pain.
He rolled over, tucking a flipper under his pillow and regarded the hard concrete of his bunk warily. It wasn't that he was terrified of being in pain, and it wasn't like that headache had been the worst thing he had gone through but for some reason his body seemed intent on keeping him from falling asleep. He could handle it if it happened again, but of course the very same bodily protections that stopped someone from picking at a scab were stopping him from falling asleep. It was self-preservation, pain was a series of nerves firing off electric impulses that stopped you from doing something potentially harmful or to alert you that something was seriously wrong and needed to be dealt with. He could hear the quiet scraping sounds of Rico twitching in his sleep and the loud constant inhales and exhales of Private breathing. By not letting him sleep his body was trying to prevent the pain again, and while he could take it he knew there was no way to let his body know that it was completely ok to actually fall asleep.
Then again if there had been such a simple way to override the basic bio-chemical commands that had kept all species alive then the world would be a lot less populated. He spent a moment considering the impacts of something like this, and then decided that getting into something like that this late at night was just asking for an all-nighter of research and experimentation and from the throbbing he could feel emanating from the bruising on his eye he could really use the healing benefits of stage 4 REM sleep.
He closed his eyes and tried to relax. If only he could get there before morning.
As it turns out he did. He woke up to the gentle rattling and wheezing of the coffee maker and the low drone of the TV without the tearing sensation of someone trying to forcibly remove his hippocampus.
The following days passed much in the same way. Each night it became easier to fall asleep and fairly soon he was sure he would have forgotten all about the event if it hadn't been for the unrelenting eyes that still flickered in his mind like a dying light bulb. The picture he had drawn was now stuck haphazardly to the back of the door to the lab, the empty space around it only reminding him of how little he had to go on to try and find the reason for it. He'd never admit it, but he had wasted hours staring blankly at the image and trying to piece together something he could use. He just needed to know, what was the point of it? Why did it happen at all? Why did they seem so important, what signals was his brain sending to make something like this occur? And the more he pushed and the more fruitless hours he threw away with no results the more it ruffled his feathers.
Five days of entertaining the public, causing and solving incidents and creating lists of dead end questions that didn't have answers had passed. But the sixth day brought with it a surprise.
"Rise and shine boys, Mama Nature's given us a good one today."
It had been a late night. Julien had been blasting music obnoxiously and with sleep not seeming to be on the agenda he had somehow wound up playing stomp the wombat and siding with Private in the argument that Rico did not deserve 10 years jail time for cheating for the sole reason they weren't actually in Tasmania. How Skipper managed to be so 100% in the morning he honestly didn't know what to put down to. Coffee seemed the logical option but with Skipper there was just no way to be sure. The temptation to remain still and pretend he hadn't heard anything was a hard one to ignore, but the idea of having to take on what would be at least an hour of extra work for what would amount to about three extra minutes of lying in bed was enough to make him slide out of his bunk and stand blearily to await instructions.
At first he thought he was imagining it. At second he realised he wasn't and craned his neck to try and determine exactly where the soft groaning was coming from. Blinking sleep from his eyes he saw Private curled up tightly on his bunk with his feet curled in on themselves and knees hiked up to his chest. His flippers were clamped down on his head and his face was contorted in pain, short whines tearing from his throat as he shifted and wriggled.
"Private?" He called, feeling his sympathy spike as he reached out to rest a flipper on the youngest penguins trembling shoulder "Are you alright?"
He heard Skipper sigh behind him. "Does he look alright to you Kowalski, do you honestly need to ask that question?" He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off. "You know if this is was you deem as questionably alright I'd love to see what you think pain looks like. How many limbs do I need to lose to look like I'm not ok? One, Two, All of them perhaps? Or then again maybe if I went out and got all my limbs brutally hacked off in a freak street fruit vending accident you might still have to question whether or not I am actually in pain."
He continued to let his flipper drift over the pricked up feathers of Private's shoulder. "You… You done sir?" He asked timidly
Skipper paused and took a thoughtful sip from the mug in his hand and idly scratched the underside of his beak. "Yeah I think I'm good for the moment." He decided, before waving a flipper dismissively. "The Private's probably just having a headache. I wouldn't get your shorts twisted over it, he can handle them."
Kowalski didn't bother trying to argue and instead turned back to Private, watching carefully as the tremors subsided and he slowly unfurled from his ball. "Kowalski?" He questioned, blinking up at him with unfocused eyes. "I didn't wake everyone did I?"
"No, as usual Skippers perky can-do morning attitude took care of that." Kowalski sighed, pulling back his flipper to let Private climb out of his bunk and lazily stretch out his flippers. It was almost strange how quickly he seemed to have recovered from what must have been awful pain, and if Kowalski hadn't experienced it himself he honestly wasn't sure he would have believed Private had actually been in pain in the first place. "Private, you looked like you were in a lot of pain just now, are you feeling all right?" he offered gently.
"Yeah, of course I am! It's just a little headache." He giggled then, turning towards Rico who was standing at the table. He was currently half way through a can of sardines and staring blankly with eyes that were still half-lidded and clouded with sleep. "You're getting awfully wound up over something so silly Kowalski. Are there any more sardines Rico?"
It seemed to take him a moment, but eventually his eyes managed to make contact and he shrugged with a grumble before shambling to actually sit down.
"Ah Scooter Alverez, the world would be messed up and lacking in sport news without you." Skipper sighed, turning off the television and cutting Chuck Charles off in his news 1 morning sign off. "Right men, we are in for a long day today, what with trying to get the lemurs to agree so go to sleep at a normal hour and entertaining the humans with frivolous antics."
"But skipper that's only two things." Private said.
Skipper paused, then shrugged. "Well I guess the day won't be that long after all. I'll see you all topside in 10. I'm going to get a quick bit of recon in. I don't trust those flamingos, they're planning something and whatever it is they're not going to get away with it."
Kowalski rolled his eyes at the classic paranoia that was again rearing its head. Arguing with him would just lead to talk of 'trusting the gut' and after the mango pit incident he had vowed never to go there with his leader again. Things just got creepy.
"I had the oddest dream last night." Private chirped, legs swigging idly as he jabbed his fork into the tin of salmon in front of him. Rico raised an eye brow, not making eye contact as he stared with unfocused eyes across the room and continued chewing slowly.
Kowalski took the initiative, waddling around the table in search of a clean bowl. "Really? What of?"
"I honestly don't know! There was this beautiful girl in it though." He swooned.
He eyed up a blue dish with suspicious eyes, untrusting of the brown staining on the bottom. "Uh-huh?" he said absently. No, he'd use something cleaner.
Private closed his eyes and started smiling widely. "Oh she was so beautiful! Long golden hair and the prettiest, warmest brown eyes you've ever seen! And she had these cute freckles on her cheekbones, and skin like a porcelain doll."
Pouring a bowl of 'Captain Callie's Danger Cereal' Kowalski shrugged his shoulders. "I'm struggling to see the odd in this Private, to be fair this dream girl sounds a fair bit like that nurse Shawna." He looked to Rico for back up, but the resident psycho was still completely zoned out.
Private frowned. "No, see that's where it gets weird! She had this blue vest on with big white letters on the chest, and she was holding a gun." He picked up some more salmon on his fork and looked at it sadly. "She looked really scared."
Kowalski nodded. "Ok, I'll admit, that does seem to be a little odd." He idly picked at the skeleton marshmallows in his bowl as he sat down, trying to find any skulls amid the flakes and other soft bone shaped treats. "Of course there is the fact that everyone you see in a dream is someone you have seen in real life. Even if they are just a stranger in a crowd we do remember faces and our brains use these in our dreams." As he dunked his spoon in he frowned, looking up to see Private morosely chowing down on the salmon. "Though I'll give you it is certainly a strange occurrence to remember a face in such detail."
Private finished chewing and looked at his doubtfully. "No its not. Is it?"
"It is." He assured him. "While you remember seeing people you know in dreams often if you try and look back on it you won't actually be able to find any definitive features. That person you see as 'Aunt Nellie' actually looks nothing like her, or anyone for that matter! You just decided it was her and that was enough for your brain."
Rico hadn't taken another bite, and his fork still hung idly in his flipper.
Kowalski shrugged. "It would have been less odd if you had said Nurse Shawna was in your dream rather than describe me a woman who clearly shares similarities with her, but still holds differences."
Private furrowed his brow. "So was my dream odd or not?"
"It was odd."
"I told you. And if that wasn't enough I had the weirdest feeling right before I woke up. It was this awful tingling in my tummy and I remember thinking that something bad was going to happen and then I woke up before anything did." He looked at his salmon oddly for a minute, brow heavy and face twisted slightly like he was in pain. Kowalski could almost feel the concentration coming off him in waves and it only seemed to make the sound of his spoon clunking heavily against his bowl louder.
"We have to be topside in three minutes." He finally said, excusing himself from the table to drop his bowl on the counter to be washed later. He heard Private murmur something in conformation and turned to start shaking Rico's shoulder.
He would have loved to have said that Rico zoning out was an odd occurrence. Hell even a low-to-regular frequency would have been better than the amount it did happen. It wasn't anything that needed urgent seeing too, or actually caused any worry at all, it was just unnerving. It was like his whole conscious would suddenly drift off someplace else, leaving his body behind frozen mechanically. All the lights are on, but no one is home. "Rico." He said, continuing to shake him back and forth. "Rico we have three minutes until we are needed topside. Stop day dreaming."
A sudden rush of raspy gibberish and the weapons expert turning to him with what almost appeared to be panic in his eyes only made him roll his eyes. "You were Day-dreaming. Topside in three minutes." He informed him, watching as the anxiety quickly was replaced by the slow, lethargic and slightly unnerving look that was common for mornings when it came to Rico. He nodded to show he understood and quickly started scarfing down the last of his sardines.
The early dawn air was decidedly chilly, but with the layer of arctic feathers Kowalski couldn't say it bothered him at all. Sliding the dish back into place with a nudge of his toes he watched idly as Skipper slid back towards the base on his stomach, his expression decidedly one of distrust. His eyes narrowed. There was something else there, something hidden just below the first emotion he had seen. Something darker and rawer that simple suspicion. Before he could question it Skipper was in front of him, rattling off something about surveillance and testing the alarm systems later on.
"We could also make sure the security system in the tunnels is still operational," Kowalski added as he mentally added it to the days plan. "I think a racoon or a squirrel got in there a few nights back and triggered some of the preliminary defences."
Skipper nodded. "Good thinking, I'll get Rico on it during a lull today." He put his flippers behind his back and arched into the stretch with a grunt. "I think 10 laps of the pool as a warm up today, the cold water will wake everyone up."
"Yes sir." Kowalski rolled his shoulders and waddled to the edge, curling his toes over the ledge and peering down into the water which he was sure would be a little more than just 'cold.' He shook his flippers out and craned his neck, running through some simple stretches to loosen up before the group ones after the warm up.
His reflection looked up at him from the still water, mirroring his actions with the same detached interest he regarded it with. Simple Mid-Blue eyes blinked as he did and without thinking he swiped out with his toes and disrupted the image in a shower of droplets and messy ripples.
Before it could flatten out he dove through the surface, flippers carving the water as the cold hit him like a punch to the chest.
"Ok try it now."
Private obediently hit the switch, and the alarms failed to activate again. The walkie-talkie blurted static and he hefted it on his shoulder, jamming the button in again, thankful for once he got the one that always stuck. "Kowalski." He said, pulling the casing off the panel again.
"What's going on in there? Rico's right there but I'm not hearing any sirens." Skipper sighed. In the background almost drowned in the static he could hear King Julien shouting something and ignored it in the same way his leader seemed to be doing to start picking though the wires again.
"Not sure sir, they all appear to be in the correct place…" He trailed off, scratching his head idly as he continued to comb through with this over flipper. "Perhaps some of the older wires are worn out?"
"Then get them Replaced quick smart." He grunted, and then from further away yelled: "Ringtail! Shut up! I'm not telling them you say Hi!"
He chuckled, releasing the walkie from his shoulder. "On it sir." Unjamming the button he placed it down and turned back to Private who was sitting by the console wall where he had been banished after trying to stick his beak in too many times. "It must be some of the older wires we reused. The copper filaments must have worn down, it's just a simple matter of replacing them. Do you know where we keep the wire?"
Private perked up at the option to do something other than flick a switch up and down and nodded before sliding off, leaving Kowalski to try and sort through the wires to find the older ones.
He'd been right. Earlier today Rico had gone down into the tunnels to check on the defences and sure enough some of the warnings had been triggered and needed to be reset. There had been a moment of panic when Alice had done her rounds to find him missing, but some quick thinking, a plush and a roller-skate had saved their cover. After checking their surveillance gear and organising the recon roster for the next month they were now tuning up the alarm system that they rarely used considering it had only ever been set off by either Marlene or the lemurs and never anyone that was actually a threat. And while in actuality Julien was a threat to their sanity, he didn't really require an alarm system.
Its lack of use appeared to have damaged it, so what was originally supposed to be a quick job was now dragging into its second hour. Kowalski found what looked like a damaged wire, the plastic casing split down one end and he made a quick mark against the plans before snipping at one end and tugging it free, letting it dangle in the casing as he went looking for others.
Private returned with the reel of new red wiring, and he quickly gave him the measurements and the cutters, getting the new wire and placing it in after exposing the filaments and adding some electrical tape.
"That doesn't look particularly sound Kowalski." Private said, breathing down his neck as he clipped and replaced the end of the damaged wire.
He sighed. "I'm well aware of that Private, I know how to fix something as basic as this alarm system."
"Oh of course of course…" He said quickly. "It's just why are you using sticky tape then?"
He growled under his breath and bitterly yanked free another damaged wire. "Because it'll take too long to actually properly replace the wires and we all know how Skipper gets when he doesn't get enough sleep. I'll fix it up properly later on, for now we just need to make sure that this is the problem." The breathed deeply. "If you have a problem you can just go back to the corner."
Private immediately fell silent and passed him some more new wire to secure. The walkie-talkie let loose a stream of static and he again wedged it in his shoulder and jammed in the button. "Kowal-"
"-lo?! Is this being on?! It is I, your wonderful; Hey! You had your turn! Maurice, keep stumpy away from the talking box!"
Kowalski groaned as Private giggled at the abuse they could hear Skipper hurling in the background amid the static of a scuffle. He passed it to Private and told him to mind it, figuring it would go a lot quicker if he wasn't stuck listening to the Lemur and his leader fight over the walkie.
Three more wires passed, and he could hear the sound of Rico joining the argument. Argument probably wasn't the best word for it. Brawl would probably be more fitting but who was Kowalski to judge.
Private snipped another piece of wire and passed it to him. "Kowalski?"
"If you're going to point out some flaw in my work I'm going to walk away and let you finish it." He threatened, turning to glare in a way he hoped would back up his claim.
Private put his flippers up and shook his head frantically. "No! No I wasn't going to do that at all! I think you're doing a marvellous job!" He measured up another length of wire and snipped it. "I was just wondering why you don't sleep. If that's not going to get me sent back to the corner that is!"
Kowalski sighed. "To say I don't sleep is a gross over exaggeration. I do sleep. I just struggle with it is all." He carefully started to check through the wires again, combing through them individually and rolling them in his flippers. "It doesn't seem to affect me so I wouldn't call it a problem. If I can't sleep I work until I can because lying prone in my bunk is a waste of time when there are things I could actually accomplish with that time. Does skipper have the walkie-talkie?"
"I think so." He said doubtfully before speaking into the walkie. "Skipper?"
"Right here Private." He was breathing heavily and Kowalski was almost sure he could hear crying the background as well as Marlene shouting. "What's the situation at your end?"
"Kowalski thinks he has it fixed." He paused, sharing a look of what was almost morbid curiosity with Kowalski before asking, "What's the situation on your end?"
"Trust me Private you don't want to know. Rico's in position now."
Kowalski rolled his eyes, and snorted on a laugh. Whatever had happened he was sure Julien's incompetence was a key factor. If he was a betting person he would put money on it he was that sure. If fact it wasn't such a bad idea.
Before he could proposition Private with fish the base lit up red and a howling siren blared loudly through the space. He clamped his flippers over his ears and cringed at the sound. Private quickly flicked it back down into the off position and shook his head like he was trying to stop his ears from ringing. "Ouch." He mumbled. "That siren hurts a lot more after a headache."
"I can see how it would." He sympathized, placing the casing back on the open panel and pushing until it snapped back into place. His mind ticked quickly as he started to put the wire cutters back into his tool box.
Along with the mystery of the eyes, there was the mystery of the headaches. Despite what anyone else said, what he had gone through and what Private had experienced that morning was not a headache and he was not about to drop it. There was something wrong and he wanted to know what. However he'd scribbled his own experience into a corner, and he didn't have enough information on his own to come up with even a hypothesis that could stand on its own merits. If he wanted to get anywhere he'd either have to have another headache or trust the judgement of someone else, and the likely hood of him having another was looking bleak. So option two it was. "Just out of curiosity, how often do you get headaches like that?" He asked, looking over to where Private was now re-spooling the wire.
"Oh." He said, putting one flipper on his beak. "I'm not sure. Not as often as Rico though."
"Rico?"
He nodded. "Yup, he wakes me up sometimes in the middle of the night because he's thrashing and making all these funny sounds. I'd give him a piece of my mind, but I don't think he can help it and that's not fair. It's like the Lunacorns say, 'Respect others in their times of trouble, and that respect will come back double!'"
How did he not see the Lunacorn talk coming. "Right. Ok. Thanks for that pearl of horsy wisdom Private, I'll make sure to remember it."
"They also have a saying about sarcasm Kowalski." Private said, the youngest penguin now glowering at him. He'd have loved to indulge him for just a moment and say it was threatening, but Private was rarely threatening.
He rolled his eyes and stood, wondering what was holding up the other two members of the rookery.
"Kowalski?"
"I don't want to know what the Lunacorns say about sarcasm." He said with a dead pan look.
Private was twiddling his flippers, frowning at them in a similar way he had been frowning at his fork that morning. Sitting there on the concrete with the harsh halogen light bearing down on him he looked somehow even smaller than usual. "No, it's not about that."
For a moment there was an odd sensation Kowalski could feel in his chest, the phantom sensation of someone forcefully pulling his ribs down to his abdomen in a harsh jerk. Before he could contemplate it, it was gone. He blinked in confusion "Then what is it?"
"I just… It's kind of a weird question so just bear with me here." He paused, seemingly waiting for Kowalski to tell him that he didn't want to hear it. When that never came he breathed deeply. "Do you remember your mum?" He rushed out, eyes looking up and filled with some sort of bitter sweet hope.
"Of course." Kowalski said, slightly taken aback by the question. Of course he remembered his mother, why wouldn't he? He always recalled her being warm, loving and nurturing. Not that he really thought about his family that much anyway.
Private looked away, and then looked back. "What was her name?"
What was her name? What was this, a pop quiz on his family? He knew her name obviously. He just couldn't seem to remember it, it wasn't like it mattered.
Except now it did. What was her name? He could feel his beak clenching as he tried to remember the name he had put with the figure that had always been so warm and loving. But there was nothing there. Everything felt fuzzy, disjointed. He clearly knew his mother because he could remember what she was like. He could remember what she was like but he couldn't remember her name, her voice or even the way she looked. There was a dull throbbing in his temples, and this over whelming urge to simply tell Private to mind his own business.
But he couldn't now. What was her name? What about his father, or siblings? What about anything that should have occurred during his childhood or adolescence? The throbbing was starting to sting, and he resisted the urge to start rubbing his temples to try and relieve the pain that was building there.
He could feel his heart starting to thud in his ears behind the sound of blood rushing. There wasn't enough air getting into his lungs. Memories were flashing past as he tried to find his way back to the point he was younger. The point when he could see anything that would clue him in even a little too who he was before he became the person he was presently.
He hit the wall. He hit the boxed in wall of a shipping crate, with a ringing head and two other penguins watching him as he tried to fumble to his feet without smacking his head on the roof. There was nothing before that.
Nothing.
He woke up in a box where skipper and Private had introduced themselves and it seemed as though before that moment he hadn't existed at all.
There was this terrifying void and all he could do was stare into it as he fell forward into the yawning blackness of his own… nothingness.
"Kowalski?"
The decision was made before he could logically follow the thought patterns that brought him there. "Linda."
Private blinked, almost confused. "What?"
Kowalski cleared his throat, unfurled his Flippers and forced a small smile. "My mother's name, it was Linda."
There was a strange pattern of emotions on Privates face and Kowalski couldn't follow them any better than he could follow a kaleidoscope being spun too quickly. "Oh. That's good."
There was a mental list unfolding in his mind. Breathe in, relax your posture, tilt your head and lower your eye lids a fraction. Blink, turn slowly and precisely, don't rush or jar your movements, Breathe out. He followed the instructions as they came, distracting himself from the roaring and static in his head with trying to maintain the outward exposure of someone relaxed and at ease.
He couldn't tell Private. He couldn't let him know. There was something at stake here and he didn't know what it was but he knew was important. How did he know this? He didn't know anything!
Turn your head to the noise, look surprised, and relax your flippers and facial expression. He didn't know who he was, where he had come from and what had gone on before he had reached the point in his life he was at now. And what scared him the most was that he had never thought about it before now. How do you spend two years of your life without looking back even once? Why hadn't he?
Greet skipper, keep your voice level but inflect where inflection is normal, breathe and blink evenly. The pain in his head was only getting worse, is temples pulsing in time to the sound of his heart trying to beat its way out of his chest, tattooing a fast rhythm onto his rib cage. Breathe deeply, there is enough air, when you ask look faintly worried of being told no. tilt your head and wait, but fidget, that's normal. What was wrong with him? There had to be something wrong because his life did not just start the moment he had woken up in that box that was not how life worked. There had to be something that had come before it but what was that? How long was it, what did it comprise of? Say thank you, turn slowly and walk with measured steps, don't rush and don't gasp there is enough air. The air is 21% oxygen and you breathe out 16% of that so therefore you can breathe. Don't slam the door. Don't gasp. Don't gasp. Don't gasp.
He was glad his lab was mostly soundproof. He was breathing in loud rapid inhalations and exhalations, and he could almost feel sweat starting to bead on the skin beneath his feathers. He felt like he was choking, and his flippers were now resting against his neck like they were laying over the hands of the phantom that was slowly suffocating him. He couldn't think over the static and roaring of his thoughts and the small space where the list had been unrolling was now clogged with streams of words and questions and fears and it was so tight he couldn't breathe or think or move.
Logically, somewhere in some part of his head he couldn't reach he knew this was a panic attack, or something similar. A perfectly normal reaction to something so sudden and startling like realising you actually had no memories of anything prior too two years ago. But he couldn't remember what to do, that was lost somewhere in the swirling mess his thoughts and become. His head hurt badly, so he coiled his flippers over it and closed his eyes as tight as he could. He was curled up and backed up against a wall, the cold, solid walls almost soothing like the darkness he could see whenever his eyes flickered open against his will.
But even now, when his mind felt like it was burning the eyes he had dreamed of flashed on the back of his eyelids and for the barest of seconds all he could feel was the fuzzy, dazed comfort of being perfectly safe.
So many things were wrong, it was almost hard to know where to start.
Hey team! Back again for the third week and I think now is the time to outline some of the rules I'm following for this story.
First and foremost, I am nowhere near a neuroscientist. Theres going to be some serious liberties with all of the science in this story. I'm doing my best to keep it passible but know that It's probably all wrong so please ignore it if theres something thats way off base! Besides, you really think I'm going to write a story with a penguin that made a telekinesis helmet without going a little wild with the science?
Secondly, some characters are going to be omitted from this story. When I started planning it a few of the later episodes hat yet to even come out and as such some pieces of the show simply don't fit. (RIP parker the platypus and Ma the Possum fans I guess) Also this universe excludes all of the movies. Some aspects of episodes have been changed as well just to bring them a little closer to reality. If there is anything you need to be specifically aware of it will probably be mentioned in the story.
If you like this story please take a second to leave a review! I'm gonna be back next week even if you don't but I'd love to hear from ya'll :)
See you next week~
Peace!