Hey all! Thanks so much for the kind reception to the last chapter! It means so much! This chapter is probably one of my favorites so I hope you enjoy!

I never wanted to be a mistake, if I was would I be your favorite one?

- your favorite one by lovelytheband

(December 2006)

Jay used to hate the wind, but today, it's the thing that makes him realize he's still alive.

In Afghanistan, it's so damn dry, but in Chicago, it's cold and it's windy and it's unbearably uncomfortable in the most comforting of ways.

He doesn't remember the last time he came home during the winter. But then again, he has barely been home at all since he shipped out when he was eighteen. He's almost twenty-two now, older, wiser, and honestly, much more jaded.

During his first tour, he came home once, maybe twice, both times to surprise his mother. It was on the second visit that he learned she was sick.

When his first tour was over, he immediately came back home to Chicago for six months to take care of his mother. Back when he was overseas, Jay used to dream about how he would spend his time off, the things he would do, and the people he would see. But all of those dreams were long gone by the time he stepped foot on American soil again, with Jay devoting every spare second to his mother.

The day after she died, he reenlisted for his second tour.

Less than a month after her funeral, he was back in Afghanistan.

Maybe he went back to the war so he could heal or maybe he went because Chicago was just too overwhelming, but either way he went.

He does not know what prompted him to take leave this time around. He met a friend, Greg, who their convoy has lovingly nicknamed Mouse, who is also a Chicago native. Greg mentioned he was taking a seventy-two-hour leave for the first weekend in February and somehow, he convinced Jay to come along.

And while Greg is out visiting some friends from his old life, Jay wanders the Chicago streets. Will is in New York and he couldn't swing the trip back home no matter how hard he tried. Jay knows he could easily go home and see his father, but honestly, that's the last place he wants to go right now.

So, he lets the cold air hit his cheeks and turn them raw as he walks down the Chicago streets, letting the constant buzz that is the city swirl around in his head.

He wanders into a small little diner on Main Street, figuring he will treat himself to something resembling real food, a luxury he has not had since before he shipped away for the second time.

A nice woman with bright red hair who looks to be in her forties greets him and tells him to sit anywhere he would like. It's nearing 10 pm and the diner is nearly empty with the exception of a few teenagers sitting in the back and an old man sitting at the counter. Jay slips into a booth and starts reading the menu, trying to decide between a burger and a sandwich when he hears a familiar voice.

"Jay?"

He looks up and when he sees the person calling out his name, he drops the menu on the table in surprise. His lips move, trying to form words, but nothing comes out.

It's Hailey.

She was sixteen the last time he saw her, at a bonfire in the woods, with whispered goodbyes and promises of running away. But she's definitely not sixteen anymore. He never did learn when her actual birthday was, but he does some simple calculations and figures she must be about nineteen or twenty.

But, wow, did she get even more beautiful.

She was always pretty, even when they were awkward teens, but now? Now she's breathtaking.

And it's funny because her hair is on the top of her head in a messy bun and she's wearing a wrinkled white polo with a coffee-stained black apron on top, but she is still beautiful, nonetheless.

"Jay Halstead?" She repeats. "Is that really you?"

"Hailey," her name escapes his lips for the first time in who knows how long, and it feels so good.

"What are you doing here?" She takes a step towards the booth he is sitting in, throwing a glance over her shoulder to look at the red-headed waitress, who Jay assumes must be her boss, before directing her attention back to him.

"I'm on leave."

"You still in the military?"

He nods. "Yeah. Just started my second tour a few months ago."

During his first tour, he kept his promise and he thought about her. He probably should be embarrassed about how much he thought about her, but she was the thing that kept him grounded in the chaos. While the other guys in his unit kept pictures of their girl back home under their pillow or in their boot, Jay didn't have that.

He had a red string bracelet that he carried with him everywhere he went.

The entirety of his first tour, he told himself when he got home, he would find Hailey. He didn't know how and he didn't know where, but he would find her.

Then his mom got sick and all those plans got put on hold.

But here she is now in a random diner at 10:21 at night and it feels almost like fate.

"What about you?" He shakes his head to focus himself. "You work here?"

"Yeah," she throws her head over her shoulder again to look at the teenagers down at the other end of the restaurant. "It's kinda a long story. But I'm off in like a half-hour if you want to catch up."

There's a hopeful look in her eyes he does not think he has seen since they were teenagers sitting on some park swings and it does something to his heartbeat that he can't explain.

"Yeah," he murmurs. "I'd like that."

"Okay," she says with a sweet little smile. "And your food will be out in a minute."

As Hailey starts to walk away, it hits him and he calls out to her, "I didn't order anything yet."

This time when she throws her head over her shoulder, it's to send him a knowing smirk that grows into a happy smile as she disappears into the kitchen.

He smiles like an idiot to himself at his booth and he is thankful that no one is here, because they would probably think he is crazy. He's missed her, more than he has missed most people he left on this side of the world, and it's strange, because he's really only known her for five months, but she's still one of the most important things to him.

She comes back out of the kitchen a few minutes later, that same smirk still plastered on her face, and she sets down his meal without a word.

Grilled Cheese and fries.

It takes him a moment, but then suddenly, he remembers being sixteen and walking to the park and playing a game of desert island.

"You're on a desert island and you can have one food for the rest of your life?" she asks, standing in front of him and walking backward on the sidewalk.

He laughs at her energy, shaking his head. "I don't know. I can't choose."

"Jay," she whines. "You have to pick something. Try harder."

He pretends to think and after a moment he says, "Grilled Cheese. It's the perfect comfort food."

Most would find it odd that she remembered this small, seemingly unimportant little detail, but not him. Not when he remembers her favorite candy bar and her favorite color, and he has carried her red string bracelet with him every day for four and a half years.

He takes a bite and maybe it's because he has not had a real meal in months or maybe it's because of the pretty girl who served it to him, but he thinks it's the best grilled cheese he has ever had.

He is done eating by the time Hailey is done with her shift and he smiles when he sees her walking towards him, her apron now gone, a milkshake in hand.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember ordering that," he chuckles when she slides into the booth across from him.

"I'm sorry, but who said it was for you?" She quips back, but she hands him one straw before unwrapping her own.

"One milkshake to share?" He raises his eyebrow at her suspiciously. "Really, Hailey?"

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, she is wadding up her wrapper and throwing it at his face. "I know you'll complain about having a whole milkshake because you don't like sugar, but you would also complain if I had one and didn't bring you one. This seems like the natural compromise."

"Nice to see that you haven't changed," he mutters under his breath, and she just kicks him under the table before grabbing the milkshake and pulling it closer to her.

"I won't share."

"I didn't want this to begin with!"

She rolls her eyes at his theatrics and pushes the drink to the middle of the table again. "Tell me about the army."

"It's okay I guess," he says with a shrug. Slowly, he unwraps his straw and puts it in the milkshake, noticing the way Hailey smirks as he stirs it in the chocolate shake before taking a sip. "Real hot over in Afghanistan, lots of fighting, foods terrible. There's not really much to tell."

"Don't do that with me."

He freezes, cocking his head at her. "Do what?"

"Give me the cop out answer," she responds. "It's me. You can tell me."

Jay lets out a sigh and slowly, he tells her. He tells her about basic training and all of the awful exercises and drills they made them do. He tells her about some of the more interesting ops he went on during his first tour, the ones that are a little less bloody and traumatizing. He tells her about Greg and a few other soldiers that he has met during his time overseas.

"How many times have you been back?" She asks before taking a large sip of their milkshake.

"First time I've come home since I started my second tour. I think I came home twice during my first. And then I had a few months off in between."

She nods and he can tell that she does not quite accept his answer. "Have you seen your parents? Or Will?"

Jay shakes his head. "I saw Will before I deployed a few months ago, but he couldn't come home on such short notice with school and everything."

"And your parents?" She repeats when she notices that he ignored half of her question.

"My mom passed in between my first and second tour."

"Jay-" she breathes out, her hand instinctively reaching for his over the table. She gives it a supportive squeeze and looks at him with sad, comforting eyes. "I'm so sorry."

He nods as he stares at their interwoven hands on the table before glancing up at her. "Thanks. I spent most of my time off with her and then I re-enlisted after she passed."

"And your dad?"

Jay just shakes his head and is thankful when Hailey gets what he means and does not press any further.

"I'm sorry, Jay. That's really hard," she says in a soft whisper.

"Thanks, Hails," he brushes his thumb over her knuckles before sitting up straight and changing the subject. "What about you, huh? This whole waitress thing is new."

Hailey laughs and removes her hand from his, running it through her hair before she answers. "Yeah, well, I gotta pay rent somehow."

"Do you like it?"

"Not really," she says softly, checking to make sure her boss is nowhere around. "It's not the worst, but it's...it's fine. I work here and then at another restaurant. It's just an end to a means."

"What happened to becoming a cop?"

"Bills," she says quickly. "It's still in the plan, but right now, I just gotta focus on paying my rent on time and putting a few bucks into savings. Money's been a little tight since I aged out."

Reality hits and it makes him remember that they are not fourteen and sixteen anymore. She has to try to make it out there in the real world and he is literally fighting a war.

But she is here, and she is sitting in front of him and for a moment, it makes him feel like a kid again.

"I see you're still wearing the bracelet," Hailey murmurs quietly, nodding to his right hand that is resting on the table, the old red bracelet tied tightly around his wrist.

"Yeah, some old friend gave it to me," he jokes, earning him an eye roll from Hailey. "Red's normally not my favorite color but-"

"Cute," Hailey sticks her tongue out at him and attempts to pull the milkshake back towards her side but he is quicker, grabbing the bottom of the glass, his fingers grazing against hers as he does so.

She pulls back her hand and leans back in the booth, smiling at him. "Just saying, it's been a few years. I'm surprised you didn't lose that thing or it didn't fall apart."

"Well," Jay hums. "It was a gift from someone important. So, I had to make sure to take care of it."

Taking care of it meaning never letting it out of his sight. Holding it every night and thinking of her, of swing sets and candy bars, of first loves and almosts. Of sticking it in his pockets on the long days and holding it tight in his hands on the bad nights. Grasping the only thing he had left of her in his fingers and thinking about the next time that he might see her smile again.

But then Jay looks up and he sees that smile. It makes him smile too.

For a moment, it's a comfortable silence, both of them just smiling as they alternate sips of their milkshake and sending each other soft glances. But the more he looks at her, the more a question forms in his head and after a few more sips, he's not able to keep it to himself anymore.

"Are you…" Jay starts nervously, biting his lip when he sees her look up at him and give him a smile to go on. "Are you seeing anyone?"

Hailey laughs a little. "No. Not really a whole lot of time for a social life, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that."

"You?" She asks and he just shakes his head.

In the past few months, he has thought about a world where maybe she didn't leave and he didn't go overseas and they got together, but he has worked hard to keep those thoughts out of his mind. But with her sitting across from him, all of those thoughts just come rushing back.

It's a life where he asked her to homecoming and he kissed her in the park and where they wound up together and happy.

It sounds like a nice life.

They finish their milkshake, Hailey insisting that Jay gets the last of it since she can have one whenever she wants and it's probably his last treat for a while. He just smiles and while the chocolatey sweetness is normally not his favorite, tonight, he likes it.

"Can I ask why you came back?" She says, leaning back in the booth. It's nearing midnight now and he knows the diner must be closing soon. They are getting weird looks from the red-haired waitress and the group of teens has long since left.

"What do you mean?"

"Just...I mean, you obviously didn't come back to see your family and I doubt you were planning on running into me. So, why did you come back?"

"Maybe I came to see someone else?" He tries cheekily, but she doesn't buy it.

"And yet you are sitting here with me."

"Yeah," he hums. "I am."

"So?"

"Just wanted to come home for a bit," he murmurs. "I guess I missed the cold and the snow."

Her ears perk up at that and a small smile creeps up on her lips. "The snow?"

"Yeah, why?"

She doesn't answer, instead putting a finger up to him to signal for him to wait as she gets out of the booth, grabbing their empty milkshake glass and slipping back into the kitchen. A couple of minutes later, she comes back, hair down and wearing a blue winter jacket.

"Ready?"

"Where are we-"

"Just trust me," she cuts him off. "Come on."

"Hailey, I didn't even pay-"

"I took care of it," she says, growing more impatient with every second. "Come on, Jay."

He shakes his head but does as he is told, standing up and throwing on his own jacket before she grabs his arm and practically pulls him out of the diner.

"You gonna tell me where we are going now?" He asks when they are on the sidewalk, but she just shakes her head from side to side with a tight-lipped smile.

"It's close. You'll see."

"I don't like surprises, you know that?" He chuckles.

"Yeah, yeah, I figured that didn't change," she murmurs as she shoves her hands into her coat pockets.

It's almost midnight and in a typical Chicago winter fashion, it's freezing. Normally, Jay would hate it, but after being in the heat for so long, it feels refreshing.

The walk is short and after a few minutes she turns around and steps in front of him, arms spread out wide, gesturing to where she brought him.

He looks around and honestly, it's not much. It's an open lot covered in snow, completely empty, the only light the few street lights that are still working, but after a second he sees it.

"A park?"

It's small, but a couple hundred feet to his right is a small playset and two swings.

"I live down the street," she says with a shrug. She comes to stand next to him, taking in the view. "I walk past here almost every night on my way to work."

"And that's why you brought me here?" He can't help but lean against her, pushing her shoulder with his as he asks the question, and he takes a moment to appreciate the way her cheeks burn red.

"Well, that and-"

By the time he processes her sneaky smile, it's too late and her hands are on his side, pushing him down into the snow. The cold is a shock to his system and when he looks up, she is standing over him, laughing like an idiot.

"You said you missed the snow," she hums contently.

He props himself up on his elbows, brushing some snow from his face and he watches her laugh, big and loud, and he can't help himself as he grabs some snow in his hand and throws it at her face.

His awkward angle on the ground puts him at a disadvantage, but he still manages to hit her chest, earning an annoyed scoff from her.

And from there, it's an all-out war.

Jay's up on his feet by the time she has a snowball of her own formed. She's got good aim and she's quick, but he's got the advantage of being military trained and he's able to hit her with several more snowballs than she can throw his way.

What Hailey does have on her side, though, is her size and she is able to duck and miss a few of his throws. While he is bending down and scooping up more snow, he is momentarily distracted just long enough for her to run at him and push him into the snow again.

But this time, he grabs her wrist and pulls her down with him.

She lands on his chest with an "oomph" and he probably is going to feel that in the morning, but he can't be bothered to think about that. Not while they are both breathlessly laughing, cheeks red and noses cold and faces just inches from each other.

Hailey's close, probably closer to him than she's ever been, and for a moment, time just slows. He brushes some wet hair out of her face, but neither of them moves as they attempt to catch their breath.

From this position, he can tell just how blue her eyes are, and just looking into them, it's enough to ground him for the first time in months.

Maybe it's her eyes' calming effect or maybe it's six years of wanting, of constant hellos and goodbyes, he is not sure. But something in him prompts him to lift his head up just enough that he can catch her cold lips with his.

To his surprise, she doesn't push away. The opposite in fact. She leans closer to him, her icy fingers coming to cup his cheek. He adjusts his grip on her back, holding her steady against him on the ground.

She tastes sweet, like chocolate milkshakes and first love. The feeling of her in his arms, warm and close, it's everything he ever thought it would be and more. And then she opens her mouth against his and he loses any ability to think of the past because she is really here.

She pulls back too soon, breathless, but this time not from their laughter. "That was-"

Good.

Long overdue.

Everything.

"Yeah," Jay hums in confirmation, feeling the same good overwhelmed feeling that is written all over her face. He tucks a strand of hair that has fallen on her face behind her ear and cups her cheek, taking a moment to just study her features up close.

"You want to come inside?" She whispers.

He scans her face for any hint of hesitation, for any sign that this was a mistake that they should forget ever happened, but he can't seem to find one. "You cold?"

Hailey just shakes her head. "Pretty warm, actually."

He kisses her again, slower this time, and he thinks he starts to feel warm too.

It's a mad dash to her apartment, all stolen kisses and wandering hands and several years of patience that is long gone.

His lips are on her neck as she tries to unlock the door and it takes her a few tries, but eventually, the door is flying open, and they are stumbling into the small studio apartment and he is turning her around to face him.

"Are you sure?" He breathes out against her lips, leaning back just enough that he can look at her when she answers.

"Yeah," her voice is a small whisper, but he knows she is sure. He smiles at her when she grabs his neck and pulls him down to kiss her again, deeper this time, pushing the door closed behind her as she leads him to her bed.

As he feels their bodies drop onto the mattress, his heart races because this feels like finally, but he also knows, it's just a fleeting moment before they return to real life. He knows she deserves more than this, what is ultimately going to surmount to a one-night stand between two long-lost friends, but he can't go back into the war without knowing the taste of her lips. He can't die without knowing how her body feels against his.

So, maybe it's wrong, but it doesn't feel that way, holding her in the way he has only dreamed of, silencing her moans with his lips, letting his hands explore her body. It feels like he's alive for the first time in a long time.

It makes him wish that he wasn't leaving in a few hours and that he could spend the rest of his days here, in her bed, becoming better acquainted with her body and her lips and her.

So, he takes the time to make sure he does not miss a thing. He sets to memory the way her body arches under his and he burns the sound of her whispering his name breathlessly into his brain. His hands take their time as he removes her clothes, as he explores her body, knowing this moment might be their last.

"I'll write you letters while I'm over there," he whispers out against the fabric of his pillow in the morning.

She is laying on her stomach, head turned to gaze at him, the covers resting low on her bare back, and he can't help but scoot closer to her in the bed. He lays on his right side and lets his hand come to rest on the curve of her spine, rubbing nonsensical patterns against her skin. She smiles softly at the touch, humming in contentment as she wraps one of her legs up with his under the sheets.

"Yeah?"

He nods and if she knows it's a lie, she doesn't blink. She just leans forward and kisses him again until all talk of letters is forgotten.

They stay like that all day, wrapped up in bed, alternating between slow and lazy kisses and fast and rushed ones until it's time for him to go. This time, goodbye hurts a little more, because the memory of her body under his is so fresh and so new and it's so hard to walk away from.

"You be safe, okay?" She whispers as they stand at the door, Hailey dressed in an oversized t-shirt, her bare legs on display.

He reaches forward to tangle her hand with his, rubbing his thumb against her skin. "Always. You'll stay out of trouble?"

She bites her lip and gives a hesitant nod. "I'll try."

Jay looks at her and he doesn't want to let go of her hand, doesn't want to walk out of here and return overseas and lose her all over again, but he knows he does not have a choice. So, he loosens his grip on her fingers and leans forward to press one more chaste kiss to her lips before he whispers, "Bye, Hailey."

"Bye, Jay."

He doesn't write her letters.

He wants to, he really does. But the minute he is back over there, Jay remembers exactly how ugly the war is, the things that it does to him, to his body and mind, and the last thing he wants to do is bring her into that.

He wants her last memory of him to be sweet, to be of stolen kisses and longing gazes, not of nightmares and death.

He just hopes that if he survives this thing and ever gets the chance to see her again, she'll understand.

Reviews?

See you next week for chapter 5!