Hey all! Thank you so much for your continued support of this fic! It means so much! This chapter is a long one so I hope you enjoy!
You can break me into a million pretty pieces if you want to
- a million pretty pieces by Nightly & Fleurie
(March 2008)
It's not quite Tallahassee, but it's still good.
It's a cheap apartment and it's near-empty cupboards and it's them. So, it's good and it's enough.
It feels like what they were dreaming of when they were teenagers, when they would plan out their wildest dreams from the safety of the swingset.
"Is this everything you thought our twenties would be?" Hailey laughs as plops herself onto the couch next to Jay one Friday night a week after they meet for dinner.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean," she repositions herself, tucking her feet underneath her and turning to face him. "I work like fifty hours a week and every time you come over, we just stay in."
"Not my fault you're boring," he bumps her shoulder gently, laughing as she leans forward to shove him.
"I don't see you out there living it up either, Halstead." she points out.
"I literally just got back from a war," he laughs. "Plus, you're always tired and I'm not going out alone."
"Oh, so blame me," she rolls her eyes dramatically and he bites the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing again. "Come on, you're in the prime of your life. You're supposed to be out there having fun and meeting people."
"Maybe I don't want to meet other people," he says without thinking, watching as she blushes, eyes immediately darting down to her lap.
They haven't really talked about what this is, settling on labeling it as friends, even though they both know that's probably not the right word. Neither of them is quite sure how they navigate this strange transition now that they know they are not on borrowed time. It's been over a year since he first kissed her, there laying in the snow, and even if they both still have feelings for the other, neither one of them has made a move.
"Still should have fun, though," Hailey finally says softly, cheeks still red. "Do something besides bum around in my apartment all the time."
"What about you, huh? You're in the prime of your life too," he exaggerates the word, making her shake her head playfully. It breaks the awkward tension, and she is smiling again, something he is thankful for.
"Yeah, well I'm poor and in the prime of my life," Hailey shrugs.
"Okay, that's it," Jay says, standing up from the couch and turning around. "We're going out."
"Jay," Hailey groans, dramatically leaning against the back of the couch. She throws her head to the side and flails her arms, spreading out like a starfish. "No."
"You were just giving me a hard time about not going out," he laughs. "So, we are going to go do something. Together. Celebrate the fact that I'm back."
"Didn't we already do that?" She asks as she slowly sits up.
Jay shakes his head. "That was dinner to catch up because we hadn't seen each other in a while. Now we need to celebrate the fact that I didn't die overseas."
"Wow," Hailey mumbles under her breath. "Pull the freaking military card."
He doesn't respond, just puts out his hand and waits for her to take it. She looks at him hesitantly for a moment before grabbing his hand and pulling herself to her feet.
"I hate you. You know that?" She tells him as she tugs on his hand and leads him away from the couch, not dropping his hand until they are over by the kitchen counter. She grabs her keys and shoves them in her pocket, a fake pout on her face the whole time.
"Keep telling yourself that, Upton, and maybe one day you'll believe it," he smiles at her, stretching his hand out towards her again.
"What, are we holding hands all night too?" She teases him even though she grabs his hand with no hesitation.
"Gotta make sure I don't lose you," Jay says cheekily. "Might not see you for a couple of years if I do."
"Oh no. No more of that," she mutters as they walk towards the door. She uses her free hand to grab their coats that are hanging on a hook on the wall, throwing them both over her arm as he unlocks the door. "I think I'm okay with us being in the same spot at the same time for a little while."
He pauses in the middle of the doorway, unable to stop from smiling down at her. "Yeah," he whispers. "Me too."
When they were kids, they used to talk about how grown-ups had freedom, something they both wished for. Hailey would always say that when they went to Tallahassee, they would explore the city with no one telling them where they could go and when they had to be home. They would be free.
But they're not in Tallahassee tonight. They're in Chicago and maybe it's a little bit colder and there is still slushy gray snow on the ground, but they are free.
They walk up and down Navy Pier, looking at the games they can't afford to play and watching as people laugh and shriek on different rides.
"Have you ever been here?" Hailey asks, her arm bumping against his as they walk. They aren't holding hands anymore, that small connection lost as soon as they got out of her apartment, but they are still standing close. She can feel his arm against hers as they walk and their hands brush against each other every now and then.
"Hailey, I was born and raised in Chicago," Jay scoffs. "Of course, I've been to Navy Pier. What kind of question is that?"
She shrugs, biting her lip instead of answering and she watches as his face grows nervous. "Wait, have you never been? Because I didn't mean anything-"
"Jay," she cuts him off with a chuckle. "I've been. Not a lot because...you know. But I've been."
He nods but does not say anything. She can tell he is still visibly nervous, and Hailey lets out a sigh.
"I don't have a lot of good memories," she tells him. "My childhood...a lot of it isn't that great and I honestly don't remember most of it and the stuff I remember...but I remember this one time when I was like seven, my mom's friend was in town and her and my mom took me and my brothers down here."
Jay smiles at the story, a sweet grin that urges her to go on. Hailey glances past Jay over to the rides and she can almost hear her brother's shrieks of excitement as they saw the Ferris wheel for the first time or the way they begged their mother for a dollar to play a game.
"Peter and I got Italian ice for the first time that day," Hailey smiles, a small breathy laugh escaping her lips as she recounts the memory. "Thomas said it was basically sugar water, but we didn't care."
"That's really sweet," Jay hums.
"Yeah," Hailey nods. "It was the first time I ever felt like a kid. I mean, my brothers and I would play at our house but…" she pauses, glancing up to Jay who is waiting for her to finish even though he already knows how the story goes, and she shakes her head. "Even when it wasn't bad, it wasn't good. We never really got to be just kids. But that day we did."
If she truly wants to be honest with him, she would tell him how she later found out how her mother's friend started asking questions about the bruises on her mother's and Thomas's arms. She would tell him how that night when they got home, her father was spitting mad and threw a beer bottle across the kitchen. But maybe those details are best reserved for her. He doesn't need to know everything. Because the way he smiles at the good memories? She does not want to lose that.
"I like that," Jay whispers. "You ever talk to your brothers?"
Hailey thinks for a moment before she slowly bobs her head. 'Yeah," she draws out the word. "Not a whole lot, but sometimes. They're pretty busy a lot too, you know? Working and trying to make a better life for themselves. But we still talk."
They talk, but not a lot, and maybe it's because of schedules, but maybe it is also because it is hard to have a healthy relationship with your siblings when you had such a dysfunctional upbringing. She loves her brothers with her whole heart and she wishes that she would see them more and talk to them more, but she knows they are all still trying to survive some days.
But Hailey remembers the vow they made when they were being separated by the caseworker for the first time.
"We stick together even if we are not together. Dad ruined a lot, but he can't take us away from each other."
By the look in his eye, she knows Jay can tell there is something going on in her mind, but he lets her off the hook as he changes the subject, "Will and I came here a couple of times each summer. Our mom loved it. I swear every time she tried to get us to ride the carousel."
"How old were you when you finally started telling her no?" Hailey teases, elbowing his side gently as they keep strolling down the pier.
"Never could do it," Jay chuckles. "I was such a mama's boy. I would do literally anything she asked."
There's a sweet tone in his voice, but a small glimmer of sadness in his eyes as he talks about his mom. She can't remember the last time he has mentioned her-probably sitting in a diner booth a year ago-and she wonders if the pain of her death still is heavy on him like it was back then.
"I wish I met her," Hailey whispers. "I lived next to you guys for months and somehow I only met you."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
Hailey rolls her eyes at his cockiness and nods over to the railing of the pier. He follows her and they lean against the rail, arms pressed against the wood as they look down at the water below.
"She liked you," Jay says, startling Hailey. "I used to tell her about you, and she really liked you."
"You used to tell her about me, huh?"
His cheeks blush red and maybe she can attribute it to the wind but something tells Hailey that's not it. He snickers quietly and then, a grin starts to grow on his face. "I spent every night with you at the park. At one point, she started asking where in the world I was going."
"And what did you tell her?" Hailey asks hesitantly.
"Hmm, you seem very curious, Upton," he says cheekily, leaning forward towards her. "Why's that?"
"Oh, shut up," Hailey pushes his arm. He takes a step back over to his side and for a moment, it's quiet as they look down at the water below. It's calm and it does not even matter that they are not talking right now. It's comfortable.
"I told her that there was this girl living next door that was really nice," he says after a while. "And I told her that we would hang out for a few hours each night and just go down to the park."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Jay nods. "And I told her that you were my best friend."
It's not even the first time he has told her that little confession. The first time, it was one of the rare nights they didn't spend at the swings and Hailey still remembers everything about it. The wind. The look in his eyes. The way she didn't even know what love was but she imagined it was close to whatever she felt for him at that moment. It all still never fails to make her smile. Her face scrunches up happily, dimples popping out and blue eyes happily gazing up at him.
"You're my best friend too," Hailey whispers. "And I know your mom would be really proud of you."
"Maybe," Jay shrugs. "I don't know."
"Definitely," she says sternly, eyes wide as she looks at him. "And you can't argue with me because you know that I am right."
He blushes at her words but thankfully does not argue. He glances down at the water again, giving his cheeks some time to return to normal before he whispers, "You ever think about the future?"
Hailey looks at him, but he is still busy studying the water. "What do you mean?"
Jay turns his head to look at her, his body still hunched over the railing. "I don't know. Anything about it. What do you want to do?"
"Be a police officer," her answer is quick. "I mean, that's what I have been working towards for years now...after that, I have no clue. I really have not thought that far ahead."
Jay hums, his head bobbing in a small nod. "I never thought past the army..."
"What do you want to do?" Hailey asks, but Jay shakes his head, pressing his lips into a tight line.
"No idea...really. I have no clue what to do now that I'm back. But...I need to do something."
She squints her eyes as she studies him. His finger is nervously tapping against the railing and his eyes have a hint of despair she does not think she has ever seen from him before. Maybe there is something he is not telling her, either about his time overseas or about the reason he came home, but whatever it is, it's got him feeling anxious.
"I can help you," Hailey offers. "With job hunting and stuff. You don't have to do it all alone."
"That's nice, Hailey, but you don't have to. I know you're busy-"
The look she levels at him is enough to make the words get lost on his tongue, his small defeated smile turning into a knowing smirk in an instant.
"Hey, we're in this together, you hear me?" She says. "This is what friends do. They help each other."
He stands up straight and opens his mouth to respond, but stops himself, closing his mouth shut and looking down at the water again.
"What?"
"I…" Jay shakes his head with a small chuckle and then he looks at her. "The whole future thing? I have no clue what I want. The only thing I really know about my future is that I want you in it."
She can't control the smile that grows, the corners of her lips reaching up towards her ears and she is sure her eyes are lighting up as she looks his way. "I don't think that's going to be a problem."
Hailey nods past Jay towards the pier, a silent request to start walking again. They peel themselves away from the railing, walking down the peer in a comfortable silence. She feels his hand brush against hers a few times, the touch much more intentional than it was minutes ago.
"And just because you said that we are done for the night," Jay says, standing up from the small couch in Hailey's apartment with a huff.
It's their first night trying to find him a job and to say it's not going well would be an understatement. Jay has shot down every suggestion Hailey has thrown out, always finding something wrong with it. It's frustrating for her and by his hasty response, it is obviously frustrating for him too.
"What's wrong with being a plumber?" Hailey calls out, turning around and watching as he retreats into the kitchen and opens the fridge. He rummages through it for a moment before pulling out her water pitcher, lifting it up in a silent question. Hailey shakes her head and Jay goes to grab a glass, moving around her kitchen effortlessly as if he lived there himself.
"Nothing's wrong with being a plumber," Jay says, back turned to her as he pours a glass of water. "But I'm not being a plumber."
"You're high maintenance, you know that?" Hailey waits for Jay to throw his head over his shoulder and then sticks her tongue out at him, earning her an eye roll.
"Whatever," he mutters as he puts the water pitcher away and comes back over to the couch. He takes a slow sip of his water before he sits down next to her, placing his water down on the coffee table in front of them. "But I am serious. We are done for the night."
"Jay, you found like two jobs you are interested in," Hailey reminds him, eyebrows raised.
"Hailey-" he draws out her name in a whine, resting his head on the back of the couch and looking at her.
"High. Maintenance." Hailey reiterates the words, leaning forward and grabbing his glass of water, taking a quick sip before putting it back.
"I thought you said you didn't want any?" He chuckles, watching her as she leans back against the couch once again.
"I changed my mind," Hailey hums nonchalantly. "Putting up with you can be quite the challenge. I needed a drink."
"Hailey-" he tries again, but she cocks her head to the side and gives him that look that makes him stop. She repositions herself on the couch so she is facing him, resting her elbow on the back of the couch, placing the side of her head on her balled fist.
"I just know that you are not happy with the random jobs you are picking up right now," Hailey says with a sigh. "I just want you to find something that makes you happy."
"And I appreciate that," Jay says softly. "But we don't have to solve all of the world's problems in one night. It's late. You are tired. We should relax for a bit, okay?"
She wants to argue with him, but she really is tired after a long day of work, and the idea of looking through more newspapers for "Help Wanted" listings makes her want to be sick. So, she nods her head, watching as he smiles triumphantly.
"Fine," Hailey mutters. "But we are watching a movie and I am choosing what we watch."
She pushes herself up off her couch, walking across the room to her bed and picking up her laptop and charger. When she turns around, there is a knowing smirk on Jay's face.
"You say that like we have more than two options of what we watch," Jay laughs. "Would be way easier if you had a TV."
He nods to the empty space in front of her couch, the spot he has commented several times would make the perfect home for a TV. But every time, Hailey gives him the same answer: she only has so much money, and getting a laptop made more sense than getting a TV. She works so many hours a week that she rarely even watches anything and paying an arm and a leg for cable when she can barely pay rent makes no financial sense.
So, there's no TV in her apartment, much to Jay's dismay.
"You know you love DVDs from Redbox, don't even pretend like you don't," she laughs as she hands him her laptop, walking past him to go grab one of the DVDs off of the kitchen counter.
"One day when we are rich, we are getting a TV," he tells her when she sits down next to him and hands him the DVD case. "A big one too."
"Sounds good," she hums, grabbing the blanket off of the back of the couch and throwing it over herself, lifting up a corner to Jay.
He finishes popping the DVD into the side of her laptop and hits play, leaning back and happily accepting the half of the blanket she offers him.
"This is the third time we are watching Pirates of the Caribbean," Jay laughs. "I think that's a sign it's time to return the movie and get a new one."
"Why?" Hailey hums, eyes trained on the small screen. "So you can make us rent some boring ass movie instead?"
"Well, this movie gets a little boring when you watch it over and over again."
"That's debatable."
Out of the corner of her eye, she can see him shaking his head in amusement and she smiles proudly, knowing she's won the argument for now. She curls herself up tighter under the blanket, scooting a little closer to Jay so she can see the screen better.
It's not lost on her that as the movie progresses, he is glancing at her more and more. And it would be one thing if he was just watching her during the movie, but Hailey has started to notice he is watching her all the time, that same quiet look following her around whether they are eating dinner or she is trying to help him find a job.
Almost like he wants to be looking at her. Like he is waiting for her to look back at him.
And every time her eyes catch his, she feels something flip in her stomach, the wave of familiar feelings she's been harboring for him since she was fourteen returning with a newfound strength. They told themselves they would be just friends but some days she looks at him and she wonders if they were fooling themselves.
Because he is so close and he is here. He is here when no one else has stayed and that has to mean something. And she is doing the same for him. Showing up for him, fighting for him in a way she knows no one else in his life has, not because she has to, but because she wants to.
Because she loves him. In some manner or another, she has always loved Jay Halstead and she thinks that she always will.
She looks up at him and he's smiling and laughing the same way that he did when they were kids and it feels like all their years of history were leading to this simple small moment.
And maybe it's simple and small, but it feels so important and huge, especially when he is right here next to her.
Hailey scoots closer again and leans her head on Jay's shoulder, ignoring the way he looks down at her in surprise when she does so.
"You good?" He asks softly, and she can feel his eyes burning a hole at the top of her head and she has to put extra effort into keeping her eyes on the screen.
"Yeah," Hailey hums. "Just getting comfy. This okay?"
"Yeah," he nods. "More than good."
Slowly, he leans back and repositions his arm, moving it from his side to rest around her back, gently pulling her a little closer.
"You make a really good pillow," Hailey whispers, smiling as she feels the vibrations of Jay's laughter against her back.
"Nice to see I have my use."
"You do," she hums. "You're really good at it."
"That why you keep me around?" He murmurs.
"Among other reasons."
He doesn't ask her what her reasons are, he simply lets his laughter fade out as the theme music of the movie picks up. A few seconds later, she can feel his hand gently rubbing small circles against her arm, almost absentmindedly. And even if Jay is not aware of the motion, Hailey is, too much so.
By this point, she has lost all focus on the movie, even if she was the one who chose it. All she can think about is the way his body feels warm against hers and her other reasons for keeping him around.
(April 2008)
It quickly becomes a routine. Hailey gets home from her shift at the diner, Jay stops by after whatever odd job he picked up that day, they look through the help wanted section of the paper and scour through some old vocational catalog Hailey picked up from the local library in an attempt to find Jay a new career.
And, once they are both good and fed up with trying to find him a job, the nights normally shift into watching movies and laughter and occasionally even falling asleep on her couch.
"Electrician," Hailey suggests as she takes a final bite of the dinner she brought home from work. Jay rolls his eyes and shakes his head, pushing his empty plate to the middle of the table.
"No," he sighs. "Physics was not my thing in high school. I am not doing anything that requires electricity."
"Okay," Hailey nods, finishing chewing before she points her fork at him with her next idea. "How about a nurse?"
"No," Jay says again. "If I do that Will is just gonna lord it over me that he got me into the medical profession."
Hailey lets out a sigh of frustration as Jay stands up, reaching for her empty plate and putting it on top of his before picking them both up and walking across the kitchen towards the sink.
"The sinks still leaking," she hums. "I turned the water off this morning because it's starting to get worse."
"Still?" He questions, setting down their plates on the counter and turning around to look at her. "It's been over a week."
Hailey nods. "I called the landlord twice and nothing. I think I might be doing dishes in the tub for a while."
"You know, we could actually...fix it?" Jay laughs, pressing his palms on the counter and pushing himself off, giving himself enough energy to walk over to where Hailey is sitting at the tiny dining room table.
"You think I know how to fix a sink?" She cocks her head to the side as she looks up at him. "Jay, I didn't even have parents who were gonna teach me how to ride a bike let alone fix something around the house."
For a moment, he feels bad, because he knows she was just trying to make a joke, but it's a reminder that her life has been anything but easy. He wishes so much that he could go back and take all of that pain from her.
"I know how," he says softly, coming to sit on the table in front of her chair. "I could show you if you want."
"Are you just offering to do this so I don't make you look at more jobs tonight?"
"No...well, not entirely," Jay laughs. "But if I show you, you would know how to do it yourself in the future."
"Is that your way of saying that you are leaving and aren't gonna be able to fix my sink in the future?" She leans back in the chair, eyebrows raised with a challenging look.
"Not going anywhere," Jay hums. "It's just a useful skill."
"Fine," Hailey mumbles as she gets up from her chair and nods for him to follow her to the kitchen. "But this definitely is not helping your argument for not becoming a plumber."
He shakes his head, but ignores her comment, getting up and walking over to her spare closet where he knows she keeps all the miscellaneous things that don't have a better spot in the apartment. For a minute, he rummages through the odd collection of items until he finds her toolset. He closes the closet door and goes to put the toolbox on the kitchen counter and then shrugs off his outer button-up shirt, leaving the black shirt he was wearing underneath.
"I'm sorry, does fixing my sink require you stripping?" Hailey watches him wide-eyed, biting her lip as her eyes scan his t-shirt clad chest.
"I'm not stripping," he hums, pausing for a moment before adding, "Besides, it's not like it's anything you haven't seen before."
He takes pride in the way her cheeks flush red and she flusters at his response. They haven't talked much about that night aside from the occasional joke here or there, so Jay has no idea what her current thoughts are about it. But he knows what he thinks and more importantly, how he feels.
He's loved her since he was sixteen and looking at her now, teasing him in the comfort of her kitchen, he thinks he still loves her.
When he kissed her all those years ago, he thought he would never see her again. He thought he would die in the war and maybe that made him selfish, but he loved her and he was only human. He couldn't die without kissing her, even if just once. But by some miracle, he survived and he found her again.
But he also knows that it is not fair of him to come back into her life and expect something, especially when he left and never reached out like he promised he would. So, he is content with being her friend, her best friend, and showing her that he is not going anywhere.
"You gonna stop staring at me and help or what?" Jay cracks another joke, making her shake her head.
Her cheeks are still red though and the color is starting to reach towards her ears. Jay thinks she looks absolutely beautiful like this, blushing and suppressing a laugh. It's like maybe his words are having an effect on her, like maybe she wants this to be as real as he wants it to be.
"Give me a wrench, Halstead," she mutters in an annoyed tone, stepping past him to pick up the first wrench she can find.
"I thought you didn't know how to fix a sink?" He questions, grabbing another wrench and watching as she plops herself down on the ground. He sits down next to her as she opens up the cupboards, the smell of stale water and moist wood hitting their noses.
"I don't," she says. "But I'm smart enough to figure out I'm not using a hammer for this."
He lets out a breathy laugh as he sits back and stares at her, appreciating her sass and her confidence. This has always been her, unapologetic and bold, and it's the thing that has always made him love her a little more.
Letting out a sigh, he shakes his head and tries to rid himself of the overwhelming thoughts of her, tightening his grip on the wrench as he focuses on the task at hand. It's really not that complicated a problem, and he is able to walk her through the whole process with minimal questions from Hailey. She nods her head as he tells her what to do, smiling proudly as she follows along. At one point, they transition from sitting on the floor to laying on their stomachs on the kitchen tile, their heads under the kitchen sink so they can get better access to the pipes.
"Then, you should just tighten that last valve and we should be good," Jay hums, nodding to the pipe in question. He sports a proud smile as Hailey tightens it and glances back over to him for approval.
"Like that?"
"Yeah," Jay murmurs. "Just like that."
He leans past her to turn on the water, his arm brushing against hers, and he tries to not focus on the way that she blushes at his touch. When he leans back, he just watches her, gazes at the small shy smile on her face and the way her eyes look so blue being this close.
It's strange because they are laying on the floor, their heads stuck under the cabinets, sweat beading on their foreheads, but Jay thinks to himself that this might be the most beautiful he has ever seen her.
He has seen her when they were kids dreaming of a new life and he has seen her first thing in the morning with the sheets pooling at her waist, but this? He is seeing her in normal life, in the mundane.
And he likes it.
It makes him want more simple moments. Fixing things around the apartment. Having coffee together. Cooking together. Laundry. Cleaning. Dinner. All of it.
As long as it's with her.
He wants to marry her.
He is going to marry her. One day.
And maybe tonight is the night he is going to work up the courage to kiss her or at least tell her all that she means to him, but before he can even open up his mouth to try and get the words out, water is spewing from the valve that she just tightened, hitting them both in the face.
"I thought you said I just needed to tighten that last valve?" Hailey half yells over the screeching of the water coming forcefully from the pipe.
"Valve must be corroded," Jay says as he reaches past her again to turn off the water. Hailey sits up first, Jay right behind her, both of them looking down at their wet shirts and the sopping wet floor.
His black t-shirt sticks to his chest like a second skin and her light blue shirt has turned dark, her hair starting to lightly frizz. They look ridiculous, both half wet standing in small puddles in the kitchen and Jay knows the responsible thing would be to grab some towels and start cleaning up the mess. But he spots the slightly frustrated look she is sporting, such a sharp contrast to the smile she had just minutes ago.
The smile that made his heart skip a beat.
So, he does the only logical thing.
He leans over to the counter to pick up one of their half-empty water cups from dinner and before she is able to respond, he is throwing the water on her head, laughing as she emits a loud gasp.
"Jay!" She yells. "What the hell?"
Her face reddens, her hair sticking to her cheeks and her neck, and she looks at him with an exasperated look. Jay tries hard to remain neutral, biting his lip to hold back a smile, but he fails, laughter bubbling from his chest.
"Jay!" She tries again, but it gets him to laugh harder.
"It's not like we weren't already wet," Jay reasons. "Come on, you never jumped in puddles as a kid?"
She looks at him like he is crazy, and maybe he is, but there is a small smile on her face, so he doesn't care. It's a mission accomplished, even if the smile is most certainly a result of her annoyed frustration with him.
"Yes," Hailey scoffs, voice a little lighter. "But outside. Not in my kitchen."
Jay shrugs, kicking at the small puddle on the tiles dramatically. "Well, it's not raining. So, different plan."
She stands there, hands on her hips, watching him with a judging eye and he thinks she is going to yell at him and tell him to clean up his mess or at the very least she is going to kick him out of her apartment, but she doesn't. Hailey gives a small nod before she walks back over to the sink, kneeling at the cabinet and reaching in to fiddle with the broken pipes.
As he hears the screeching of the water coming from the pipe, he is about to ask Hailey why she turned the water back on. But before he can, she stands up quickly and grabs the rusty old sink sprayer, pointing it towards him.
His hands shoot up instinctively as the water hits his chest. While they were fixing the pipes, he told Hailey that the sprayer and the faucet are two separate water lines, so clearly she is using that to her advantage. The pressure is still low due to the water that is escaping from the pipes, but it's just strong enough that it hits him from a few inches away. He jumps back with a playful yell, making Hailey throw her head back in laughter.
"Oh, that's it," he mutters under his breath, taking two small steps forward to stand behind her, trying to wrestle the water sprayer from her. His arms wrap around her back, his hands resting on hers as he tries to loosen her grip on the sprayer. Water sprays through the kitchen, occasionally one of them turning the sprayer back on the other, even though with their close proximity, it ends up hitting them both.
The entire kitchen is a mixture of laughter and the pressured sound of water bursting from the pipe and its heaven.
With the advantage of his height, Jay is able to press Hailey against the counter just long enough that he can grab the sprayer from her hand. He takes a step back and sprays it at her body, but she is quick, dropping to her knees, one hand shielding her face from the spray as she turns off the water with her other hand.
They both gasp for air as they try to catch their breath, her looking up at him as she sits up against the cupboards. Jay comes to stand next to where she is sitting, sinking down slowly against the cabinet until he is sitting next to her.
She cocks her head over to him, not even trying to hide the large smile stretching from ear to ear. "You know you're such an idiot, right?"
"You did it too," Jay points out, bumping against her shoulder playfully.
"Yeah, well I'm not that much of a buzzkill," she laughs out. "But you're still an idiot."
The thing is, though, he normally isn't one. In everyday life, he is normally stoic and serious. But then, there is the version of himself when he is with Hailey. The version that is swinging on swings and having water fights in the kitchen. The version that is laughing and smiling more than he ever has before.
The version that is happy and the version that thinks he might be in love.
"Yet you keep me around," Jay hums hopefully. He watches as she blushes, looking down at the ground with a small shake of her head before glancing back over at him.
"Yeah," she whispers. "I do. Is this what you were envisioning when you asked me to run away with you when we were kids?"
"No," Jay tells her honestly, pausing for a moment as he thinks about his words, before he tentatively says, "But it's better."
He used to want to run away to get freedom. And now he has that, but it's not his favorite part. It's her.
"Yeah," Hailey agrees. "It's better."
He can't find any words to respond, not when she is smiling at him like that, not when she is sitting so close and it makes him feel breathless. So, instead, he just smiles at her and lets himself just enjoy this moment.
Before they know it, they are practically spending every night at Hailey's place together. They blame it on trying to find Jay a job, which turns out to be a harder task than either of them anticipated. Planning for a hypothetical future was always easy for them. They had dreams of Tallahassee and a dog and all the fancy things they would have and do. Planning for a real and tangible future, however, is not as simple. There are many nights they spend sitting on the floor with a case of beer and newspapers scattered everywhere feeling completely hopeless.
"Jay, you gotta give me something here," Hailey says as she paces in the apartment about a month into their attempt to find him a stable job. He's done a few odd jobs here and there, mostly under the table for cash, but he keeps saying he wants something more permanent.
"I don't know," Jay mutters, pushing the classified section further away from him. "I've literally never thought about jobs. I was supposed to be in the military until I retired or died. And neither of those things happened, so."
"Stop that," she makes a face at him.
He rolls his eyes and sips his beer, not really taking her comment to heart, so she grabs the classified section and comes to sit right next to him on the floor against the wall, grabbing the beer from his hand and putting it on the other side of her.
"I was drinking that," he chuckles.
"Yeah, and you can have it back when you have a few jobs you want to apply to."
"You're bossy, you know that?"
"I like to think of it as being a natural-born leader," she tells him. "Now look."
She spreads out the black and white paper so it's covering both of their laps and watches as his eyes scan the page. Every now and then, he hums or his eyes linger on one particular section longer than the rest, but after a few minutes, he just groans.
"Hailey, I really don't know," he rests his head against the wall. "I mean, being a mechanic or doing construction seems great, but-"
"But it's not what you want to do long-term?" She finishes his thought.
"Yeah," he hums in disappointment.
She hates seeing him like this, so down on himself and discouraged, because it's not him. He was always the light in her life, the thing that kept her sane in the chaos, but now, that spark seems to be missing some days. She does not know if it got lost in the war or if this job thing is really just getting to him, but she wants to find that spark again.
"Okay, so what do you want to do?" She asks him. "Not like what job, but like, what do you want to do with your life?"
"I don't see how that's an easier question," he cocks his head towards her with annoyed eyes.
"Just try, okay?"
He centers his head again and nods, taking a few moments to think before he answers. "I guess I want to do something good...I want to help people. I don't really care about the money or the hours. I just...want what I do to be worth it."
She feels the corners of her lips curl up in a smile and she tries to fight the response. "That's great, Jay."
"So now what?" He asks skeptically.
"Now, you figure out what job lets you do that," she explains. "There's a lot. You could be a firefighter or work with animals or-"
"Become a cop?" He cuts her off gently.
She looks at him in surprise, expecting him to start laughing any minute, but he remains serious.
"Or become a cop," she murmurs. "I think you would make a pretty good cop."
He nods and after a moment, there is a hesitant smile on his face. "I've thought about it a bit...a lot, actually. You seem so excited about being a cop that it doesn't sound like such a bad gig. But, I wouldn't need to take some college classes like you, would I?"
Hailey shakes her head. "You qualify based on your military experience."
"Okay," he says quietly.
She watches him think, and maybe for the first time since he's gotten home, he's imagining a future. Hailey means it when she says she thinks he would make a good cop. She knows deep down he was a good soldier and he's got the biggest heart she knows, so it only makes sense.
"Okay," Jay whispers. "I'll go down there tomorrow and talk to someone about next steps."
"Okay," she sends him a large, toothy smile and just watches as the excitement starts to build on his face.
She is about to get up to clean up the newspapers and throw away their beer bottles, but he tugs on her arm before she is able, pulling her back down next to him.
"Thanks, Hailey," he whispers. "For everything. I honestly don't know what I would have done without you."
She feels her cheeks flush red and she bites the inside of her cheek to distract herself from the effect his words have on her heartbeat. "It's just a job, Jay."
"It's not just that."
His hand moves down her arm and wraps her hand in his. She stares at their intertwined hands laying on his thigh before glancing up at him, at those soft green eyes she knows so well.
"You got me through high school, and you got me through the war," he tells her. "And now you're getting me through all of this."
"I didn't get you through anything," she protests gently, watching as he raises an eyebrow in challenge. "I was only there for a few months in high school, and you only saw me once during the war."
"So?" He whispers, eyes glued on her. "You still got me through it. You're something else."
Hailey feels her heartbeat quicken and it feels like the air has shifted. Out of all the times he has looked at her in the past few weeks, he has never looked at her like this. It feels like how he looked at her back when they were laying in the snow on the night he kissed her for the first time.
"Is that something else good?"
He chuckles but after a moment, he nods. "Yeah, it's a good something."
"Good," She breathes out. "You're something else too."
"Hey, Hailey?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm gonna kiss you now."
She barely has enough time to process his words before his lips are on hers and it feels so familiar, so comforting, but so new and exciting. It's only a few seconds later when he leans back and cups her cheek with his hand, seemingly waiting for her to withdraw.
But she leans forward again and tugs on his shirt, bringing him closer to her, and he silently gets his answer.
And it's as he is laying her down on the cold hardwood floor and his lips are leaving a trail across her cheek and down her neck that she thinks maybe they didn't need to go to Tallahassee to have it all.
"So-"
It's the slow draw of her words that let Jay know Hailey's awake and he instinctively tightens his grip on her waist, pulling her closer in the too-small bed and resisting the urge to kiss her good morning just yet.
"So-" he mimics her, earning him a small eye roll.
"We did that," Hailey says, suppressing a grin. "Again."
"We did," Jay hums, glancing down at her knowingly. "Only difference is this time, I don't have to leave."
"But do you want to?"
She voices the question in such a small, timid whisper, something so different from her normal confidence, and he can't help but raise his hand and cup her cheek, his thumb stroking her skin.
"I never wanted to leave," Jay whispers. "I've always wanted to be right next to you."
Being in the army, he's been to a lot of places in this world. But by far his favorite place has been by her side.
"What is this?" Hailey breathes out. She is still lying on her pillow, but her head is tilted up to look at him and it's not lost on him that she has not recoiled at the touch of his hand, instead leaning into it.
"It's whatever we want it to be."
"That's really not helpful," she quips back with a giggle, biting her lip to keep her smile from growing.
For a second, he just smiles too, because since he was young this is all he has wanted: her. And now she is here and it almost feels like a dream.
"What do you want it to be, Hailey?" His voice turns low, letting her know he is serious. "Because I would ask you out right this second if that was what you wanted but I don't know-"
"Then ask me out."
He raises an eyebrow at her, scanning her face for any hint of hesitation, but he can't seem to find any. She seems so much more sure than she did just seconds ago and it lets him know what she wants him to do.
"Will you go out with me?"
She tilts her head back, biting her cheek and glancing to the side as she pretends to think. "I don't know. I mean, I'm kinda busy and-"
"Wow," Jay feigns annoyance, removing his hand from her hip and starting to lean back, but before he can, she grabs him in a fit of laughter, holding him in place as she leans up to kiss him
"Yes," she whispers against his kiss. "Yes, I'll go out with you."
She is half laying on top of him, looking down at him with the bright blue eyes he has seen every day in his dreams since he kissed her a few years ago. He brushes some hair out of her face, taking a moment to just enjoy the closeness.
"But you're going to have to do better than candy bars and some swing sets, got that Halstead?"
And just like that, their sweet little moment is shifting as he lets out a loud laugh and she beams a proud smile at him. He rolls them back to their sides, keeping her pressed up against his chest as their heads land on the pillow again.
"I didn't realize those were dates," Jay murmurs. "Because if that's the case, we've been together for, what, eight years?"
"Is it really eight years if we weren't even on the same continent for half of it?"
"Long-distance is a thing," he says with a shrug and then, a silence falls over them. He can tell by the look in her eyes that there is something on her mind and he tilts her chin up with his pointer and middle finger, letting his eyes find hers.
"What are you thinking?"
She shakes her head slightly against the pillow and he drops his hand down from her chin, letting it come to rest on her side. "Just thinking that it's kinda weird, you know? When we were kids, I didn't think we would end up here."
"Are you mad about it?"
She shakes her head harder this time. "Not at all. It's just funny how things work out."
"I like how it turned out," he whispers before he can stop himself. "I like that after all of these years, I am still here with you."
"Me too," she whispers. "You're still my best friend."
"Just your best friend?" He can't help but tease.
Hailey shrugs a little, unable to control the bubbling of her laughter as she murmurs, "Maybe something else too."
"Maybe something else," he repeats in a whisper. "I think I like that something else."
Before he can continue to tease her, she leans forward and catches his lips with hers and it feels so unlike the kisses they have shared before. It's simple and it's easy and it's slow and it's them. It feels like the beginning of forever, even though he still does not know what they even are.
All he knows is now that he's got her, he does not ever want to let her go.
Reviews?
See you next week for chapter seven ;)