Chapter 7! It boggles my mind that we are already at Chapter 7! Thank you so much for all the kind support of this fic. It continues to warm my heart. Hope you enjoy this chapter! It's a fun one!
All the memories I can't suppress poured into my heart like cement, like that night we had in Chicago when you pulled me up to that roof
- hiccup by Valley (acoustic version)
(May 2008)
It makes them laugh because they really did intend to start out as friends, but some things are inevitable, like magnets connecting and them becoming more, so it's only a matter of time before they fall into old patterns.
But it's so easy this new thing, that it almost surprises them how simply they slip into this new lifestyle, and it makes them think that maybe there was no stopping this at all.
"Where are you taking me?" Hailey giggles as they stumble down the sidewalk, Jay's hand over hers on her eyes as she tries to sneak a peek past their fingers.
"Would you be patient?" He laughs out, trying to fight against her squirming.
"You're sleeping on the couch if you're not nice," she half pouts and Jay lets out a loud laugh.
"Yeah, okay whatever," he murmurs. Jay turns her around and then tugs on her hand that was covering her eyes, finally showing them where they are.
"The park?" she whispers, looking up at him with wondering eyes.
"You said I had to do better than candy bars and swing sets," Jay shrugs. "Never said I had to do better than the park."
It's not their original park, the one where he fell for her all those years ago, but it's the small one that is more like a patch of grass with some playground equipment. It's the place he kissed her for the first time back when the small patch of grass was covered in snow, and it's the place where his world shifted for the second time.
"If you don't like it, we can-"
She cuts him off with a kiss, raising herself up on her toes and sweetly pressing her lips against his. It takes him a moment for his brain to catch up with her actions, but as soon as it does, he is smiling under her kiss, reaching out blindly to pull her closer.
"I like it," she hums. "I like it a lot."
"Good," Jay whispers, reaching down to grab her hand and intertwine their fingers. "I've got a picnic blanket and some dinner too."
He nods to the small backpack he is wearing that Hailey has been asking about since they left the apartment. She smiles as he shrugs off the bag, letting go of her hand for a moment so he can get the straps off and then grabbing for her hand again just a second later.
"I thought with that backpack you might be taking me somewhere to study or something."
"Hailey," he cocks his head towards her, flashing her a knowing grin. "Does that sound like something I would do?"
"I don't know," she drops his hand again when they find a good grassy spot. He opens the backpack and pulls out a small red blanket, spreading it out wide in the air before placing it down on the ground.
Hailey plops herself down on the ground and crosses her legs before looking up at him. "This whole thing did start because you read to me every day. Maybe you were trying to recreate that."
He chuckles as he takes a seat next to her, legs stretched out in front of him and arms behind him, palms pressed hard against the ground. "Yeah, we won't be doing that again for a very long time."
She smiles, the grin a strange mixture of sweet and trouble, and she leans forward. "Really? You wouldn't read to me if I asked you too?"
In the past few weeks, it has become abundantly clear that Jay has a difficult time saying no to her, especially when she smiles at him just so. Maybe if it was someone else, he would complain more, but he loves that smile, the way it makes his stomach flip, so he just does as she asks, in the hopes she will send him that sweet smile again.
"Maybe one day," he leans forward and gives her a soft kiss. "But I didn't bring any books today, so I guess we'll have to settle with just having dinner."
"I think I can be okay with that," she whispers with a smile.
He pulls their dinner out of his bag, sandwiches he picked up on the way home from a little deli he knows she likes, two slices of pie she brought home from the diner the other day, and some drinks, and they dig in. They make easy conversation, sharing stories about their day and laughing at lame jokes the other makes.
"You know one day I am going to take you somewhere fancy," Jay tells her as he crumples up his sandwich wrapper into a ball.
"Is that so?" She murmurs, cheeks half-filled with food.
"Yeah," Jay nods, reaching for her garbage. "And we are gonna get all dressed up and I am going to take you on a real date."
Hailey smiles as she takes a slow drink from her water bottle. She screws the cap on and throws the water to the side before repositioning herself, laying her head in his lap, and stretching herself out on the blanket.
"You know this is a real date, right?" She laughs softly as she looks up at him. "Just because we aren't at some fancy restaurant with fancy clothes doesn't mean it's not real."
"I know," Jay murmurs. He brushes some hair out of her face and then starts absentmindedly playing with her hair, letting his hand get lost in the blonde locks. "But you deserve something nice."
"That's something fancy," she corrects him. "This is still nice."
"Hailey-"
"This is all I need," she cuts him off. "Just this and you."
His other hand, the one not currently wrapped up in her hair, moves to grab her hand. He gives it a squeeze before intertwining their fingers and raising her hand up towards him, pressing a slow kiss to her skin.
"I just want you to have everything, you know?"
He lowers their hands, resting them on her stomach, his thumb tapping gently against the back of her hand. Hailey looks up at him, lips turned upward in a small smile, and she squeezes his hand again.
"Everything is overrated," Hailey says. "You don't need everything. You just need something good."
"Is this something good?" He asks hesitantly.
But her response is anything but hesitant. The way she quickly nods in his lap, the way her eyes shine bright at the suggestion makes a smile grow on his own face.
"Very good."
Jay hasn't had a lot of good things in his life, but he looks down at her in his lap and thinks about this life he is currently living. Maybe she is right about the difference between everything and good things.
He doesn't need everything. He needs her, his one good thing.
Jay can't help but smile down at her and let years of memories fill his head. They all make him think he should say it, those three little words that have been on the tip of his tongue since he was sixteen. Love and feelings have never been things he has been good at but with her, they have come so simply.
He didn't know it then, but he knows it now, that back on that first night in the park, he fell in love with this girl. He loved Hailey, more than anything and that feeling has not slipped away, even with all the lost moments and years apart. Somehow, it's grown stronger.
Jay lets go of her hand and brushes his hand against her face, one of his hands on her cheek and the other on the top of her head, cradling her like she is the most precious thing. Just watching her, he is surprised that the words have not just fallen out by this point. But he has worked hard to keep them in, more so for her sake than his. He knows that love has always been a complicated thing in her life, even if that is something she has not explicitly told him, and maybe telling her he loves her just three days after he kissed her for the first time is the wrong move.
So, he bites his lip and brushes some hair out of her face as he swallows the words for the hundredth time in the past eight years.
"You good?" Hailey whispers, happy eyes shifting to a worried expression and she starts to sit up, but Jay shakes his head, gently pushing her back down.
"I'm good," he traces his hand against the side of her face again. "Just really happy, that's all."
She smiles softly, seemingly believing his words and she reaches up to grab his hand off her face and wrap it up in hers before resting both of their hands on her stomach. Jay laughs quietly at the motion, and they fall into a comfortable silence, him playing with her hair and her playing with his hand. They watch the clouds and make comments about their shapes and laugh about the people who walk by and give them strange looks.
After a moment, Jay leans forward and presses a soft kiss to her forehead, silently thinking about the three words and hoping that even if they aren't ready for him to say it, that she feels how much he loves her.
Jay gets back to the apartment after a long day, and he half expects Hailey to be passed out in bed. She just finished a week of finals and only has two weeks off before she starts a round of summer classes. He's proud of her, of how hard she is working to get her degree, and even if it means long hours studying and working at the diner, he is happy she is doing this.
Jay, on the other hand, is studying for the entrance exam for the police academy and is working security. It's not exactly the most glamorous job but it beats any of the other alternatives.
Plus, it keeps the lights on, and it allows him to contribute to rent so Hailey can work a few less hours in the week and actually get some sleep.
He doesn't live here, but he's got a key, and he figures it's inevitable with how much time he spends here most days, but for right now, he's okay with this thing they've got going on: most nights and some of his things at her place and organized chaos that feels simply right.
He flicks on the light and is surprised to see the bed empty. Scanning the room, he doesn't see Hailey anywhere, but he sees a small cake on the kitchen counter with a few candles on top and after a moment, he hears the soft sound of laughter coming from behind the counter.
"Hailey-" he calls out knowingly, peeling off his jacket and throwing down his work bag at the door. He ventures over to the kitchen and calls out again, and while she doesn't respond verbally, it is clear she is trying to suppress her laughter.
"Surprise!" She jumps out when he comes into the kitchen, a wide smile on her face.
"Surprise for what-"
"Your birthday, you idiot," she takes a step forward and swats at his arm gently. He rolls his eyes and leans forward to give her a quick kiss "hello," and the smirk on her face is still present when he leans back.
"I didn't realize you knew when my birthday was," Jay murmurs, letting his hands come to rest on her hips.
"You put it down on all the job application forms," she says, cocking her head to the side questioningly. "Did you not want me knowing when it was or something?"
He shakes his head. "No, it's not that. It's just…I haven't really celebrated in a while."
Not since before he went into the military, not since before his mom died.
But by the look in her eyes, she is already aware of that. Her fingers graze the side of his face, tracing his jaw lovingly.
"We don't have to do anything if you don't want," she whispers. "But I figured we've already missed a lot so-"
She can't finish her sentence because his lips are on hers before she has the opportunity. He feels her chuckle against his kiss, and he turns them so he is pressing her back against the counter, his hands making work to lift her up and sit her up on the island.
"You made me a cake?" He whispers, looking straight at her now due to the added height from the counter.
"Yeah," she nods shyly. "It's from a box though, so don't get too excited."
He chuckles and scans the small white birthday cake a few inches away from them, delicate blue frosting on the top spelling out the words, "Happy Birthday Jay" with a "24" underneath.
And there it is again. That feeling that he needs to tell her how he feels, the three little words trying to fight their way out. It's such a silly thing to bring on this feeling, a small little cake with messy frosting and crooked icing letters. But here he is, staring at the homemade birthday cake, ready to let go of years-worth of confessions.
His mom used to say that birthdays are the days that you show someone that you care. But Hailey shows him that every day. In the way she encourages him and the way she supports him, he feels more cared for and loved than he has in a long time.
The words almost spilled out back at the park on their first date last week and they probably almost fell out of his mouth countless times on those unofficial dates when they were kids. As ready as he is to tell her after eight years of waiting, there is still something in him that feels like it is too soon. Maybe it has not been eight years for her or maybe saying it now will scare her.
So, he swallows the words again.
"You should have been a baker," he murmurs, hoping that the teasing words will be enough to slow the fast beating of his heart. He rests both of his hands on her thighs, fighting to divert his attention back to her.
"You haven't tried it yet," she says with an amused chuckle. "Might want to wait until you have a bite to start changing all of our plans."
"Our plans?" He leans back to gaze up at her and watches as her cheeks turn red. If Jay thought he loved her a few seconds ago he knows it now and it is becoming increasingly harder to keep his thoughts to himself.
"Well, I just mean-" she rambles.
"Hailey," he cuts her off. "Our plans. I like the sound of it."
She smiles at him sweetly and all of the sudden, he is thinking about the future in a way he hasn't before. Since well before he entered the military, he never thought long term, but now, with Hailey sitting just a few inches away from him, he thinks he would like to.
"It's a little early, isn't it?" She asks nervously. "We've been together for like, what, a week?"
Jay shrugs. "It's not like we are running out and getting married tomorrow. I've known since I was a kid that I wanted you in my future. That hasn't changed."
She hops off the counter and in one fluid motion, she is pressing herself up against him, pulling his neck down to kiss her. Her back is against the counter again and her hands are playing with the hem of his black work shirt, every now and then finding their way under the fabric and grazing his skin.
"I like that plan," she whispers against his kiss.
He doesn't bother to respond, just tugs her closer and starts walking them backward, trying to not fall as he leads them to the bed on the other side of the apartment.
"What about your cake?" She mumbles, somewhat incoherently, as his lips leave her mouth and start to trail down her neck.
"It can wait," he breathes out. "I like this celebration more."
She doesn't argue.
(June 2008)
"You're supposed to be helping me study," Hailey throws a pillow at Jay before falling sideways onto the bed.
"It's not my fault you're distracting!"
For the past week, Hailey has been stressing about her Sociology final for her summer classes. When they got home from work, Jay offered to help her study and scoffed at Hailey's assumption that it would end like this, with him attempting to trail a line of kisses up her neck and his wandering hands slipping below her shirt. He feigned innocence, swearing up and down that he would behave.
It was a lie and they both knew it, but he tried to help her study anyway. School has never really been his thing, though, and it should not shock either of them that no less than fifteen minutes in, his hands were gravitating towards her.
"I'm not distracting!" She props herself up on her elbows. "You're the one who lacks any and all self-control."
That challenge is all it takes for him to leap across the bed, throwing himself on her, lips attacking her neck, hands frenzied at her side.
"I'm gonna fail my exam!"
"Who needs Sociology anyway?" He breathes against her neck. "What even is it?"
"I need it," she attempts to fight back between giggles. "It's a major requirement."
"That's dumb," he murmurs. "Almost as dumb as taking summer classes."
He continues pressing open mouth kisses along her neck and for a second, he thinks that he has won, that she will give up all arguing and let him continue this right now. But just as he is working his way down towards her chest, she hooks her leg with his and rolls them over on the bed so she is on top of him, laughing a bit when she notices the surprise on his face.
Despite her original protests, she pushes the open textbook aside and lays half on top of him. Hailey rests her head against his chest, pressing herself up against his side. Jay chuckles at her, the way she closes her eyes in contentment and he presses his lips to her forehead, letting them linger there in a long slow kiss.
The past month has been simple, probably the easiest thing in either of their chaotic lives. Jay's all but moved into her tiny studio apartment, but neither of them has too many things so they make it work. He helps her study for her college courses, and she helps him study for his police academy entrance exam. She still works most nights at the diner, and he sometimes picks up a few shifts at a local garage in addition to working security some nights to help her pay rent.
The days are long, but the nights are simple, falling into bed together with frenzied kisses and roaming hands. They talk well into the night, about life and love and everything in between. Then, the morning comes, and he wakes her up with a series of slow kisses and the cycle starts over again.
It's simple, it's easy, it's them, and it's good.
Jay glances down at her and catches a small, happy smile, something he has been seeing more and more of lately.
"What's going on in that head of yours?" He asks, tapping against the side of her head, making her smile.
"Just thinking."
"Thinking," he hums. "That's always dangerous with you."
She attempts to swat at his chest, but he grabs her hand before she is able, pressing a kiss to her palm before returning her hand to lay on his chest, letting his hand rest on top of hers.
"What are you thinking about?"
"That I'm happy," she says in a small voice, peering up at him. "I'm really happy."
Her words make his heart beat faster, like it always does with her but a little more. Because she's happy, here with him, where he wants her to be.
"I'm happy too."
"Did you think that this was how things were going to turn out?" She asks him, humming happily. "Honestly?"
"It's what I hoped for," he murmurs. "You know, I don't think I ever told you, but I kinda had a crush on you when we were kids."
"Really?" She raises a skeptical eyebrow at him.
Jay nods. "I was gonna ask you to homecoming."
"Why didn't you?"
He just shakes his head and she knows why. She left before he had a chance to.
"I kinda had a crush on you too," she whispers. "I thought you were cute."
He looks down at her in surprise even though looking back, it should be so clear that she felt the same way about him that he felt about her. The idea crosses his mind that maybe she loved him back then too, and it brings a smile to his face.
"Oh, did you now?" He asks as he pinches at her side, making her yelp in surprise, and he smiles proudly down at her. "You still feel that way?"
"Hmm..you're not bad."
He hooks his leg with hers and rolls them over so he is hovering above her. For a moment, he just looks at her and he knows that this is it. He can't swallow those words anymore. Not when she is telling him she has had feelings for years or when she is confessing that she is happy when she's with him.
And maybe it's too soon but timing has never really been their thing. So, he takes a deep breath and whispers out the words that he has been holding onto since he was sixteen.
"I love you."
"I love you."
The words fall off Jay's tongue so simply, like he barely even put any thought into them, and Hailey is not sure if that comforts her or scares her. When he rolled them over and looked at her with that dangerous look in his eye, Hailey naturally assumed he would just kiss her. She did not think he would say this.
Maybe she should have though. That look in his eye, she has seen it before. Back when they were kids and back on their first date and far too many more times to count. Back then, she thought it was just a twinkle in his eye because he was happy but now she knows what it is.
It's love.
Love.
The great stories tell her that love is supposed to be good but for Hailey, that is not how her story has gone. Love has hurt. It's been a few too many drinks and a slap across the face followed by an "I'm sorry." Love is the thing she swore off of before she was even able to understand what it was.
And then she met Jay, some messy-haired boy with his candy bars and swing sets and before she knew it, her idea of love started to shift. He showed her a picture of love that looked different than the one she knew so well. Jay cared for her, he valued her, he supported her.
He loved her.
He loves her.
At first, the words are a shock. It's only been a few weeks since they got together and maybe it's too soon.
Maybe she doesn't know a damn thing about love and her life will always be too chaotic to hold down a good thing.
But then he looks at her so gently and he treats her so well and she thinks maybe it's not too fast because it's been eight years in the making.
"You don't have to say anything," he murmurs. "I just wanted you to know."
"You mean it?" She breathes out, almost in disbelief and she doesn't know why. Because the way he looks at her like she is the most important thing in the world has not changed since he was sixteen. She knows he means it, that he always has.
Jay nods, "Yeah. I do. I really do."
She's never known a good thing about love, but she knows that he's good, that he's good to her. She knew what she felt when she was a kid, even if she did not have the words to explain it. She has felt it so many times, back when they were kids and back when she saw him in that diner when he was on leave. When she saw him in Bartoli's after all those years, she thought maybe she loved him and when he kissed her again on the floor of her apartment, she knew she definitely loved him, that she always had.
She has been so in love with Jay Halstead for years, even if she was always too blind or scared to admit it to herself. And even when she knew, saying those three words to him was another challenge. Relationships were always a challenge for Hailey and love was not something that came naturally so every time she has started to feel those three little words falling out, she has caught herself.
But she wants to figure this relationship thing out, with him, and he has made it so abundantly clear that he is not leaving. He has loved her unlike anyone she has ever met before so that's probably why she says what she says next.
"I love you too."
He kisses her again, sweet and slow, and any talk of being kids and crushes is lost on their lips. His hands travel up her sides and get lost under her shirt and she forgets any fear that was just racing through her head and lets herself melt under his touch.
"When did you know?"
"What?" Jay asks, looking down at Hailey, who is curled up against his side, head resting on his bare chest.
"When did you know that you loved me?" She murmurs and he smiles, pressing a long slow kiss to the side of her head and tugging her a little closer.
"Which time? When we were kids or now?"
She tilts her head up, an innocent smile on her face. "Is there a difference?"
"Not really," he hums. He slides down slightly on the bed, mindful of her body laying on his, and he wiggles out from underneath her just enough to lay next to her, wrapping his right arm around her back as he lays on his side to face her. "I loved you when I first met you."
She rolls her eyes, but she feels a blush creep up on her cheeks to the tips of her ears. "I know you are trying to be romantic, but that is such a cop-out answer."
He scoffs at her words, but he doesn't stay annoyed for long. Hailey laughs, soft giggles escaping her lips as she waits for him to continue, and she watches him shift from serious to smiling.
"That first night at the swings then," he whispers. "I thought I pissed you off with some of my questions and it made me realize I never wanted to lose you."
Her giggles subside and are replaced by a soft, warm smile. Hailey leans forward, catching her lips with his, and he hums in contentment.
"What about you?" He murmurs, his forehead pressed against hers when she finally pulls away.
She does not even take time to think. The soft smile turns wild and she leans back a little to see him better. "Do you remember that weekend where the park was closed for construction? It was like a week before we went back to school?"
Jay rolls his eyes before she can even continue and it's clear he knows the night she is talking about. "The night I convinced you it was a good idea to scale a tree and go sit on the roof? Really, Hailey? That's when you knew you loved me?"
Hailey shrugs nonchalantly against the bed. "Got a thing for idiots I guess."
Jay narrows his eyes at her, making an unamused face, but Hailey just laughs, hooking her leg with his under the blanket. "Come on, you can't say that night wasn't just a little romantic."
"That wasn't my intention," he murmurs nervously, hand gravitating to her lower back to pull her closer yet again.
Hailey hums at his touch, her body instinctively arching towards him. "Just think about it though. How could I not love you after that night?"
"Jay, this is a terrible idea," Hailey shouts, head peering to watch Jay. "We literally can just go sit on the porch like normal people."
"It's not that high," Jay mutters as he readjusts his footing on the tree he is attempting to climb. "Besides, we won't have any privacy on the front porch."
"I'm sorry, but do we really need privacy to eat our candy bars?"
Jay turns his head around to shoot her a snarky look, quickly turning his attention back to the tree, focusing on moving his hands from one branch to the other. Hailey just watches him, fists balled at her sides as she squints her eyes, hoping she is not going to watch her best friend fall flat on his back in front of her. But instead, he grabs on to one last branch, hoisting himself up enough that he can grab the roof with his one hand and awkwardly throw his feet up.
He kneels on his roof, looking over the side to where Hailey is still standing on the ground, her hands on her hips as she gazes up at him.
"You sure your parents are cool with this?" She asks nervously.
"They're not not cool with it," he says smugly and Hailey swears if they were both on the ground, she would punch him. 'Will and I have come up here a bunch of times. Besides, my parents aren't even home."
"If your parents aren't home, then why can't we go inside?" Hailey points out but Jay just shakes his head.
"Because Will is there, duh."
He says it so obviously, looking at her with a knowing grin as he sits down on the roof. Normally, the park would be their spot, with nowhere else to go in the quiet little neighborhood and no way of getting into the real city. But the park is closed to construction after a water line burst and Jay is insistent that they have a spot that is their own to enjoy their candy bars.
Leading to him climbing a tree and ending up on his roof.
"It's a good idea," he told her. "I've done it plenty of times. There's a nice view up here. You'll like it."
"Jay, I don't know about this," she calls out, dragging her foot against the dirt in an attempt to distract herself. She's not afraid of heights, she's really not afraid of anything, but she is afraid of getting in trouble and getting sent back to the group home. In the bad houses, she wouldn't care, but now that she is in an okay home? Now that she has something to lose? Hailey does not want to mess that up.
"You trust me?"
He yells it down from the roof so simply, just three little words that come off almost as joking, but to Hailey, they feel like everything.
Does she trust him?
In her life, she could count the number of people she truly trusted on one hand and still have fingers left over.
She trusted Thomas, who always took care of her when the fighting started, and she trusted Peter, her partner in crime who would find a place to hide with her in the house. But after that, she couldn't name anyone. Not a friend at school and not someone in the neighborhood and most certainly not her parents.
But then there's him.
He's stood by her and cared about her in a way she has never seen, in a way she has never even thought she could experience. All her life she thought she was incapable of love but here he is, showing her something else entirely.
Hailey doesn't have the words to answer. Not because she isn't sure. Because she is so sure that she trusts Jay Halstead more than anything that it overwhelms her.
So, she just puts one foot on a low branch of the tree and looks up at him. "Don't want to share me with Will, huh?"
He lets out a loud laugh, throwing his feet over the side of the roof and letting them dangle as he watches her slowly scale the tree. It takes her much longer than him, her hands not as familiar with the branches, and she keeps her eyes focused on the tree instead of looking up at him.
Hailey hoists herself up a little higher, attempting to grab a branch near the top, but it's just out of reach and she starts to lose her footing. As she starts to fall back, she feels a hand grasp onto hers and she looks up to see Jay holding her arm and pulling her up the rest of the way. She regains her footing and pushes herself up onto the roof, laying on her back for a moment as she glances over at Jay who is kneeling next to her.
"Remind me to never go along with one of your dumb ideas again," she puffs out.
"Dumb ideas?" He scoffs, scooting away from the edge of the roof to come and sit next to her. "How is this a dumb idea? Just look at the view!"
Hailey sits up slowly, stretching her arms out behind her and she looks around at the view. "Jay, this is the street. Not exactly much of a view."
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head at her. "Look up a little higher. It's not much yet, but when the sun starts going down, it's pretty nice."
Hailey nods slowly, letting out a little hum. "All of this to avoid Will? You really don't want to share, huh?"
It's not lost on her the way his cheeks blush red or the way it takes him a moment to gather his thoughts. It's almost cute.
"Yeah, well, the last thing I need is you two becoming best friends."
"Why?" Hailey leans over slightly to bump Jay's shoulder with hers. "You worried I'm going to ditch you and start hanging out with him instead?"
He seems nervous at her teasing, much more nervous than he ever has been before, or maybe this is just the first time she is noticing. She's noticed a lot of things about him in the past few weeks, his kindness and his laugh, but now she is close and she is noticing it all. How his eyes sparkle when he smiles and how he bites his lip and looks to the side when he's nervous.
She likes it.
"He'll tell you embarrassing stories about me from when we were like five," Jay finally says with a laugh. "And you don't need to know those."
"Why?" She draws out. "You worried about impressing me, Halstead?"
He scoffs and shakes his head, but doesn't say no. "I can't win with you tonight."
"So, the roof," Hailey says, looking around at the flat roof over Jay's garage. "You have a lot of weird spots, you know that?"
"I go normal places with other people," Jay teases. "I reserve all the strange spots for you."
"Oh, so you're not sneaking other girls up here," Hailey laughs out, unable to resist the temptation to make the joke. "Not pulling the whole "look at the view" line and then sneaking them in your bedroom window."
"Hailey, my bedroom is on the other side of the house."
She shoves him gently, watching as he dramatically falls to the side, resulting in a groan from her. "You know what I mean."
"No," he chuckles as he sits up straight again. "No other girls are coming up here."
"Aw," Hailey says sweetly. "I'm special."
"Yeah," he whispers, low enough that Hailey does not think she would hear it if she was not sitting right next to him. "Yeah, you are."
His words catch her off guard and she is not quite sure what to say at first. No one has ever called her special. For the past three years, she has been an afterthought and honestly, the years before that, she learned to be invisible.
But here, with him, she is seen and she is special.
"So, what are these embarrassing stories you are so scared about me finding out, huh?" Hailey teases. She removes her hands from behind her, wrapping her arms around her knees and pulling them up to her chest, taking a second to carefully lean to the side and nudge Jay with her shoulder.
"Hailey," he deadpans. "I'm not telling you the embarrassing stories. Last thing you need is more ammunition to tease me."
"I would never," she feigns offense, making him shake his head in amusement. "What, no awkward stories from middle school? No really embarrassing injuries?"
"I'll have you know, I am incredibly graceful and don't have any embarrassing injury stories."
'Uh-huh," Hailey hums in disbelief.
"What about you, huh?" He chuckles. "Any embarrassing injury stories?"
"Lots of injury stories, just none that are embarrassing," she whispers to herself, almost low enough he can't hear, and she watches as the mood on his face changes from happy to somber. He seems to regret his question but not as much as Hailey regrets her answer by the way it brings down the light mood they were just enjoying.
"I broke my arm when I was eleven," Jay says quietly. "There was this group of kids at school who were skateboarding and I was trying to prove I could do it too."
She looks at him, knowing full well what he's doing. It's not lost on her that a minute ago, he was adamant that he had no stories but now, he is more than willing to share anything in order to make her smile.
It works.
"I'm assuming you couldn't do it?" She whispers, trying to control the way the corners of her lips curl up towards her ears.
"Not even close," he laughs out. "Took one step and fell right on my face."
Hailey can't help the loud laughter that escapes her lips, her body falling forward as she tries to compose herself. An offended Jay sits next to her, shaking his head, but it is obvious he is enjoying himself too.
"Oh, what I would have given to have seen that."
"I wouldn't have done it if you were there."
"Why not?" Hailey asks when her laughter subsides and instantly, Jay becomes nervous again, his fingers fiddling and his teeth biting his lower lip.
"Just...there was this girl I was trying to impress," he says quickly. "And if you were there, I wouldn't have needed to impress her."
"Because I would have helped you impress her?" Hailey asks, slightly confused.
Jay snickers, shaking his head. "Because there would be no reason to impress her if you were there. I care more about what you think."
In the months that she has known him, this is probably the most straightforward thing he has said to her. If she closes her eyes and reads in between the lines, it almost feels like he is saying something more. Like he wouldn't want to go out with that girl, but he would want to go out with her instead.
And even if that's not the case, even if that is just the reality she is dreaming up in her mind as her feelings for him become more and more confusing, if she takes it all at face value, he is saying he cares about her. And that itself is so foreign to Hailey, but with Jay, she thinks she likes it.
"Why?" Hailey whispers.
"Because," Jay shrugs nonchalantly. "You're kinda my best friend."
"Just kinda?"
"You are," he puts extra emphasis on the last word, making sure she knows he is serious despite the light tone of the conversation.
"I've never had a best friend," Hailey quietly confesses. "It was always hard...with everything going on. I had my brothers and I love them more than anything, but I never had a real best friend, you know?"
"And now?" He whispers, the hopefulness evident in his voice.
She stares at him for a moment, thinking about weeks of candy bars and swings and secrets and summer. She thinks about how on guard she was the first moment she met him and how somehow, he has knocked down her walls without her even knowing it. She thinks about how he has shown her the unconditional love that she has never known before and how she has never felt as important to someone as she has to him, even if they have only known each other for a few short weeks.
She thinks about everything, every little detail, and how that is what a friendship is supposed to look like. That is what love is supposed to look like.
"Now I have one," Hailey murmurs.
The smile on his face, it's undeniable, and he turns away from her for a moment, looking over the street as he tries to regain his composure. Hailey's eyes travel to where his gaze is, and she glances at the sky, the sun starting to slowly go down and the blue sky starting to turn red and orange.
"You weren't wrong about the view," Hailey says, pulling him out of his trance. His head snaps to look at her, but Hailey keeps her eyes trained on the sky. "It's a really nice view."
He stares at her as he says, "Yeah...it really is."
She feels her cheeks burn red as his eyes stay on her and she tries to play it off by looking around at the sky some more. In her fourteen years, she has known so little about love, but right now, on the roof over a garage of all places, she thinks she is starting to understand the feeling a little more.
"Taking a girl to go sit on the roof and watch the sunset," Hailey whispers. "Really romantic, Halstead."
"Probably would have been more romantic if I actually worked up the nerve to kiss you," he chuckles lightly, hand still traveling up and down the curve of her spine.
"You wanted to kiss me?" She hums out the question innocently.
"Hailey, don't be so surprised. I was staring at you for like half of the night."
"I'm not surprised," she laughs out lightly. "I just...I didn't know, that's all."
"Hey," he removes his hand from her back to cup her chin, tilting up her face to look at him better. "I'm always going to want to kiss you. I love you, remember."
The whispered confession makes her smile and even if it's not the first time he has said it, it still feels brand new.
"I love you too," Hailey says. "I always have."
Jay smiles. "Me too. And I always will."
She takes a moment to look at him, that summer memory of him young and smiling so fresh in her mind. The picture of him laughing and teasing her as the sun was setting is still so crystal clear that if she closes her eyes, it almost feels real. She can almost feel the light breeze and hear his laugh and taste the half-melted candy bars they finally remembered to eat.
But Hailey doesn't close her eyes. She keeps them open and she sees him. Here and whole and maybe not as young as he is in the memory in her mind, but still the same Jay she fell in love with.
Still her best friend.
And even after all of these years, he still makes her feel like she's young and falling in love for the first time. Even after all of these years, after all the separation, he's still here and that's all that matters.
A flashback inside of a flashback chapter? How meta
Also, the lines of "I always have" and "I always will" were written before 9x01 aired and now they just hit so differently because of that scene. Cue upstead breakdown.
See you next week for Chapter 8!