Hey all! Here we are with chapter 8. This chapter was written months ago and it is completely coincidental that it lines up with 9x03. Maybe I accidentally manifested some things. Who knows. Anyway, hope you enjoy it!
Don't freak out, we're only twenty-something, all I know is that with you there's something
-Twenty Something by Nightly
(July 2008)
Hailey feels the bed dip one evening as she and Jay are lounging and drops her textbook, turning over to see Jay sitting up on the edge of the bed.
"What are you doing?" She asks.
"I'm out of clothes," he tells her softly. "So, I'm gonna head home and grab more. I'll stay there and come back tomorrow night after work."
She hates hearing him refer to his dad's place as home because the amount of time he spends there these days is minimal. He has been unofficially living at her place since long before they started dating, but they've never had that conversation of making it official. For a while, it seemed like they were not going to need to. He so easily slipped into her space in the same way that he so easily slipped back into her life and Hailey assumed that the transition would be natural.
But once or twice a week, he still goes back to his place when he is out of clothes or his dad is on his case or he is working late. And at first, it was okay, because they had just started dating and Hailey figured a little bit of space after jumping into things so quickly would do them a little bit of good. But now it's been months and it's obvious to both of them that things are not changing anytime soon, so the nights apart are growing unwanted.
"You could just bring more of your stuff over here," Hailey offers, sitting up and propping herself up on the pillows laying against the wall.
"Hails, it's fine," he smiles back at her. "It's like twenty minutes across town. It's not a big deal."
She rolls her eyes at the way he just doesn't get it and leans forward to catch his arm before he is able to stand up.
"You could just bring more of your stuff over here and leave it over here," Hailey tries again. "Like you could move in here."
"What?" He questions in surprise, like the idea is so out of the blue that he can't even fathom it. Hailey sighs, repositioning herself on the bed, crawling over to his side, and kneeling next to him.
"You've basically been living here for months," Hailey says. "Just move the rest of your stuff here and make it official. That way there's no more of this running across town when you need one thing."
He hums and seems to think about the proposition for a moment before raising a knowing eyebrow at her. "So, this is purely logistical?"
Hailey laughs and shakes her head, "Might be a little more than that."
"Oh really?" He is leaning back and before she can respond, he is turning around and pinning her on the bed, kissing her neck as she writhes under him in laughter.
A moment later, he is rolling off of her and he lays on his side, tugging her close to him. "Are you sure? Moving in together is kinda a big deal."
"Jay," she deadpans. "You were asking me to run away with you when we were teenagers. I think this hardly pales in comparison."
He makes a face at her, and she finally lets out the little laugh she was holding in. "Hailey, I'm serious."
"Me too," she says, voice going soft. "Maybe it's a big deal, but you're a big deal to me. I don't see this ending anytime soon and honestly, I don't want it to. So, I want you here. All the time."
"Yeah?" He breathes out with a hopeful smile.
"Yeah," she confirms. "Unless you think it's too-"
He doesn't let her finish whatever she was going to say, leaning over to kiss the ridiculous sentiment off of her lips. "It's not. I like this idea. It's good."
"Yeah?" She whispers, her turn to question him.
Jay nods. "I want to be here. With you. It's kinda my favorite place to be."
Hailey smiles and instead of responding, she pushes his chest gently until he is laying on his back. She throws her leg over him and comes to straddle his chest, leaning down to kiss him happily. He is quick to respond and before she knows it, he is pushing them both up, his hand steady on her back holding her close to him as they sit up in bed.
"You know," he murmurs, his forehead pressed against hers. "When I asked you to run away all those years ago, I didn't quite have this in mind. Gotta say though, it's a pretty nice upgrade."
It's not what she was expecting either, none of this is. But she likes that he has caught her off guard time and time again. She likes that she can never quite figure out what is going to happen, but she knows that if it's with him, it's going to be good.
She runs her hand through his short hair and then cups his cheek, steadying his head to look at her. "I love you."
"Always have," he offers gently, and she smiles.
"Always will."
Always have, always will. She doesn't know why, but the small reminder has stuck. In the days after he told her he loved her in this very bed for the first time, when one of them would say I love you, the other would respond with "Always have," a simple reminder that their story has been years in the making and they are lucky that they have gotten to this point.
Then, there was "Always will," the reminder that this love was not going anywhere anytime soon.
He kisses her again slowly and she can feel the promise of "always will" against his lips. He tastes like forever and happiness, and it makes her smile against his kiss as she pushes him down against the bed again.
He doesn't go home and he wears dirty clothes to work the next day. But that next morning as he is leaving for work, he tells her that he already has a day scheduled on the calendar to move the rest of his things over to her place.
Their place, she corrects him, and they both smile.
"That's the last box. You ready?"
Hailey's head snaps back to look at Jay and he chuckles when he realizes what she was looking at.
"Going on a little trip down memory lane, huh?" He teases and she just blushes, rolling her eyes as she walks past him to the passenger side of the car. Jay slams the trunk closed, but instead of going to his side, he follows Hailey and comes to lean against the car next to her.
"This is my first time coming back since that day I came and found you after you got back from Afghanistan," Hailey murmurs.
"You mean this is the first time you've come back since you stalked me?"
Hailey pushes his side, feigning annoyance, but she still moves over closer to him, her shoulder pressed up against his.
"I know I only lived there five months, but it just feels longer, you know?"
Jay looks at where her eyes are focused, the front lawn of Mr. Donovan's old house, the old rickety place that neither of them has stepped foot inside in years. Not since that fateful day that separated them as teenagers.
He still remembers the pain of losing her that day, red roses in his hands and tears in his eyes. But now he glances to his side and sees her, not a memory of her but the real Hailey. And she's not fourteen but she's twenty-two and they are packing up his few belongings and throwing them in a junker of a car to move them into their apartment.
Their apartment.
When they were kids, they dreamed of a cheap apartment. Of being free and being together. And maybe it's not in the exact city they thought it would happen in but that does not change the fact that today feels like a dream come true.
"You know I've almost been back for five months?" He bumps his shoulder against hers to get her attention. "About as much time as we had the first time around."
"Correct," she hums, pressing her hands against the car and pushing herself forward. She turns and comes to stand in front of him, cocking her head to the side with a sweet smile. "Only difference is this time we are getting longer than five months."
He takes a step forward and grabs her hands and interlocks them with his. "Way more than five months."
"Six months?" She whispers teasingly. "What about seven?"
He lets go of one of her hands and pokes at her side, making her double over in laughter, and he goes to grab her waist and tug her closer to him as she struggles in his grasp, loud giggles escaping her lips as she squirms.
"You're not getting seven months if you treat me like that," she calls out playfully as he turns her around and tries to hold her against the car and steal a kiss. She dodges his attempts and his lips land on her neck and then on her cheek, everywhere except his original target.
After a moment, Jay lets go of her and she falls back in laughter against the car again.
"Do you miss it?" Hailey hums when her laughter subsides. He looks at her in confusion and she nods towards the house before she continues. "Being here, do you miss it?"
"Not really," Jay murmurs. "I mean, I miss my mom and sometimes Will. But you're not living next door so really, what is there to miss?"
"It was my favorite house," Hailey whispers. "I mean, Mr. Donovan was...he was what he was. Wasn't great, certainly wasn't the worst. But I think it was the only house where I was actually happy, you know?"
"Do you ever think about what would have happened if you stayed?" Jay asks. "If he didn't have a heart attack and you stayed longer than a few months?"
Jay watches as she takes a moment to think, her eyes traveling back to the two front yards they know so well, and he wonders if she is imagining all in front of her. If she sees snowball fights and a different first kiss and homecoming and graduation.
Does she see the life they almost had?
"Yeah," Hailey answers at last. "I thought about it a lot when I first left...what could have happened."
"And?"
"I think we still would have wound up here. Together. We would have been younger, and it would have been different but I don't think this would have changed."
He knows she's right. If she didn't leave that fateful day, he would have asked her to homecoming and by the look in her eye, he knows she would have said yes. As much as he loves this thing they have now, he can't help but wonder how different it would feel at sixteen, young and in love for the first time.
He thinks about how he probably would have not gone overseas because he would not be able to handle the distance from her. Maybe he would have gone to community college just like her and he would already be a cop by now and she would not have had to have spent so many years working at the diner. Maybe things would have been incredibly different.
But maybe they would have still wound up here, dragging boxes out of his childhood house to an old rundown car, ready to start a new life together.
And even though everything in him wishes he could make up for all those lost years, he glances at her now and it almost doesn't matter, because they still wound up here.
"Ready to get going?" He asks quietly, smiling as Hailey enthusiastically nods.
"Let's get out of here."
The ride back across town is filled with laughter and reminiscing about their time spent in that little old neighborhood. Jay laughs as he reminds her about how much time they spent on swings that summer and Hailey teases Jay about all the candy they ate, despite him now becoming what she lovingly calls a health nut. They laugh about summer reading books and nights spent walking to the park, talking for hours, and then walking home.
The whole drive home, Jay holds her hand against the center console and thinks about how this is all he wanted when he was a kid.
When Jay and Hailey get back to the apartment that night, they immediately plop themselves down onto the floor and start going through all of his boxes. They both know themselves, how tired they are most days, and how much they hate unpacking, and they tell themselves that the best way to get this done is just to do it all at once.
"This one is winter clothes and some jackets I think," Hailey tells him as she opens a medium-sized box that she has between her legs. She digs through the box for a moment before glancing up at him. "You want to actually unpack this or just put it in the bottom of the closet and wait for it to get cold?"
"Second option," Jay chuckles. He is sitting on the floor a few feet away from her, going through a different box. He doesn't have to dig too far into the box to know exactly what's in it. It's mostly old yearbooks and pictures from his childhood and random things his mom saved. He closes the top fold of the box and nods to Hailey.
"This one is just old stuff from my mom," he hums. "It doesn't really need to get unpacked. It can stay as is."
"Old stuff from your mom?" She questions.
"Old pictures, some crafts that I made that she kept. That kind of stuff."
Hailey's eyes perk up at the mention of pictures and before he knows it, she is crawling towards him and plopping onto the floor to sit beside him. "Pictures you say?"
"Come on," Jay groans playfully. "You already know what I looked like as an awkward teen. Do we really need to go down memory lane?"
Hailey smiles, a wide and toothy grin, and looks up at him innocently. "Yeah, but I don't know what you looked like as a kid. I bet you were super adorable."
"I was," Jay hums in confirmation. "Doesn't mean I'm showing you pictures."
"I gotta make friends with your brother," Hailey pouts. "He would show me pictures of when you were little."
Jay shakes his head with a chuckle, and he is about to push the box away and get started on another box. But he looks at that pouting face again and he knows that she isn't doing this to tease him, but she just wants to know a little more about him. He thinks that if he ever had the opportunity to see pictures of her when she was young, he would jump at it. But that's a luxury he will probably never get. She has nothing from her parents, and he will never get to see her with chubby little cheeks or pigtails.
But he can at least give her that sense of normalcy, teasing him about his toothless smile or about the number of pictures where he is wearing a cast. So, he slowly opens the box and pulls out one of the photo albums his mom made.
"She took pictures of everything," Jay says as he scoots closer to Hailey and settles the book in their laps. "Like everything. But she got two sons who hated having their picture taken so most of these photos are not cute."
"I'll be the judge of that," Hailey murmurs quietly.
He opens the book slowly, eyes darting between Hailey and the pages. Her eyes grow wide as she looks at pictures of him and Will as toddlers, drawing on the walls and banging on pots and pans on the floor of the kitchen.
"Oh, I was so right," Hailey beams up at him. "You were absolutely adorable."
"Were?"
"Are," she emphasizes, bumping her shoulder against his. "You had soooo many freckles."
"Is that why you like me?" He bumps her shoulder back with a flirty grin. "The freckles?"
She raises her hand to cup his face, fingers gently tracing his jaw as she quietly laughs. "Oh yeah. The freckles were what did it for me."
"I knew you just loved me for my looks," Jay murmurs playfully under his breath as he flips the page and shows her some pictures from when he was a little older.
There's his first day of Kindergarten and his fifth birthday and Hailey quietly teases him about how little and happy he was. She "oohs" and "awes" at the pictures of his first baseball game and when he tells her about the trophy he won in little league. She elbows his side when he shows her the picture of his first day of junior high and he can practically hear the jokes she is making in her head about the suit he is wearing in his confirmation picture.
"Are these all you have?" She looks up at him as they near the end of the book, still holding the photo album in her hand.
"These aren't enough?" Jay hums with a chuckle. "You have seen enough of my childhood photos that you could probably tease me for a year."
"I count one…" she flips the page over and points at another picture, "two…three pictures of you past the age of fifteen. Were you really that against pictures?"
"Yes," he lets out a loud laugh. "Nothing important happened after fifteen. There's my high school baseball picture and two graduation photos. That's all you need to see."
There's a little smile on her face but it does not quite reach her eyes and he can tell she is thinking something. He cocks his head at her in silent confusion and she just lets out a breathy chuckle.
"You did lots after fifteen. There's sports and homecoming," she elbows his side lightly and he just laughs at her lame joke. She knows full well that he never went to homecoming, too heartbroken by her leaving to find another girl to ask.
"Or the military," she continues softly. "You'd have pictures of your graduation, right?"
It's the first time in a while that she has asked anything about his time in the military, maybe even since their first dinner at Bartoli's before they started dating. In the months since then, it's been one of those things that has gotten pushed to the wayside, which Jay has been thankful for. They are not good memories, and he is not sure if he is ready to reopen those old wounds.
"I might," Jay says passively. "But I don't know where they are. But you can get plenty of pictures at my graduation from the police academy to make up for it."
Her smile widens and she nods, seemingly liking this plan. She returns her attention back to the book and flips through a few more pictures before she looks up at him and murmurs, "We don't have any pictures together."
"What?"
"You and me," she clarifies, taking a pause from studying the pictures to look up at him. "We don't have any pictures together."
"Yeah...but neither of us had cameras as a kid."
"We also don't have pictures now," she emphasizes the last word, leaning over into his personal space and making him laugh.
"We also don't have a camera now," Jay chuckles softly. "Those things cost more than what we make in a week."
Hailey nods, taking a moment to think before she smiles, "We should get some disposable cameras then. I think they would be in the budget."
He laughs at her enthusiasm, slowly closing the photo album and placing it on the floor. "And what exactly are we going to be taking pictures of?"
Hailey shrugs. "Us. Everything. I don't know. But wouldn't it be nice to have something to look back on and remember how things are now?"
He barely lets her finish her sentence before he is leaning forward and kissing her, soft and short, but just enough that it silences her and makes her smile.
"I don't need any pictures to remember this," he murmurs, cupping her chin. "But I don't hate the idea of having a few pictures of the two of us together."
Her face scrunches up in a smile at his words. 'I'll pick some up tomorrow after work then."
He can't help but lean forward and kiss her again. This is one of those moments he thinks he will want to look back and remember, both of them on the floor, smiling and laughing at each other, happy in their own little world. He wants to memorize the way she tastes and the way her mouth opens under his.
Somehow, all at once, Jay is terrified of missing even a single detail while also knowing he will never be able to forget a thing.
"Come on," he whispers after a moment, leaning back and resting his forehead against hers. "We should try to get a few more boxes put away. And then we can do more of that later to celebrate."
She lets out a loud laugh, head falling back slightly, and yeah, Jay really wishes they had a camera because he wants to take a picture of every little moment with her.
(August 2008)
As soon as she walks through the front door, the smell of something warm and comforting hits Hailey's nose with full force. She's not sure what it is, but it's definitely not the boxed pasta or diner leftovers she and Jay have been living on for the past few months.
She shrugs off her jacket and dumps her bag onto the ground before she ventures over to the kitchen to see Jay bopping around in the small space, a spoon in one hand and a pot on the stove.
"Good news," he smiles when he sees her, stopping his movement for just a second. "I got home early today and unpacked the last box. I am officially moved in."
As much as they tried to get all of his stuff put away on the first day they brought his stuff over, that was a little easier said than done, especially with how much they both hate unpacking. So, they resigned themselves to doing a little each night, slowly making their way through the few things he still owns.
And now it's been a little over a week and on a random Thursday, Jay has officially unpacked the last box and he is living with her. Just the thought sends a warm feeling through Hailey's body.
"I even took a picture of the empty box," Jay teases, returning to his task of cooking. "Figured you'd want to remember the moment in twenty years or something like that."
"You're mocking me and I'm gonna choose to ignore it," Hailey laughs as she walks into the kitchen. "You gonna tell me what you're cooking?"
"Chicken alfredo," he hums proudly. "I mean, it's still pasta which I know we have all the time, but at least now it's fancy pasta."
Hailey laughs at his explanation, coming to stand beside him at the stove, peering over the boiling pasta. "And why exactly are we having fancy pasta?"
"Because I'm completely moved in," Jay says like it's the most obvious thing. "And that is cause for celebration."
"Do you need help with anything?" She looks around and it appears like he's just getting started, pasta still simmering on the stove and chicken still sitting in its packaging.
"No," he says quickly. "I'm doing this for you. You just go relax."
Hailey is about to take him up on his offer, but then she catches the soft smile on his lips and decides otherwise. Instead, she stays put and leans her head against his shoulder as he stirs the pot.
"What are you doing?" He asks with a chuckle.
"I missed you today," she tells him. "So, I'm staying here."
He laughs but doesn't protest. Instead, he takes a step back and tugs on her forearm until she is standing in front of him, her back flush against his chest. He takes his arm that is not stirring the pasta and wraps it around her torso securely, holding her tight against him.
"I missed you today too," he whispers against her ear. "But I like that I get to come home to you every day now."
Hailey smiles, tilting her head back into the space underneath his chin, eyes straining to see him. "Yeah. I like that too."
They stay like that for a few minutes, Jay stirring the pasta with one hand as it boils, his other wrapped around her, his chin resting on the top of her head. She lifts both of her hands to rest his arm that is holding her, her thumbs every now and then rubbing against his skin. There is no noise in the apartment except the bubbling of the water and the occasional hiss from the gas stove, but it's still calming.
When a timer on the microwave goes off, Jay loosens his grip on her just enough to move the pasta to the backburner. Hailey shoots him a strange look, not understanding why he is not completely letting go of her so he can strain the pasta, but he just chuckles and grabs one of her hands as he takes a step back into the middle of the kitchen.
"What are you doing?" She laughs as he stands in front of her, his arm outstretched towards her as he gently holds her hand.
"Dance with me," he whispers, tugging on her arm until she is crashing against his chest. He laughs quietly and steadies his other hand on her hip, never letting go of her hand.
"I thought you were making us dinner," Hailey says, not protesting as Jay starts to slowly sway them back and forth in the kitchen.
"I am," he murmurs. "But I missed you today and we're celebrating. So, I think we can take a small break."
She could argue, but there's really no reason to, especially when he's looking at her like she's the only thing in his world. So, she tightens her grip on his hand and lets her other arm snake around his neck, pulling him down to kiss her.
He hums against her lips, stilling their movements just temporarily before he is pulling back and twirling her out from his hold, spinning her around the kitchen. Hailey lets out a loud laugh from the surprise, smiling when Jay pulls her back to his chest again.
She pulls back just a little and smiles as she studies his face. The green eyes that she has loved since she was fourteen and the smile that she knows is reserved just for her. It all makes her feel something that is foreign to her, something that she does not think she has felt in a long time.
She feels happy.
Happiness, true unbridled happiness, has been something rare in her life. Even in her best moments, Hailey has always had something else to worry about. An abusive father, terrible foster parents, another change in placements, keeping a roof over her head.
But right here, right now, she knows she is safe and there is nothing else to worry about.
Right now, she is truly happy.
Hailey's got no fears and no concerns, and she is not keeping her head on a swivel waiting for the next threat to come.
She is happy.
"What?" Jay chuckles lightly when he catches her staring but she just shakes her head and leans forward, resting her head on his chest, enjoying the feeling of swaying in his arms.
"I love you," she whispers a moment later. "You know that, right?"
He hums and she can feel the vibrations bounce off his chest and hit her body, making her instinctively smile.
"Yeah," he murmurs. "I know that. You know I love you too, right?"
"I know," her response is instantaneous because she does know. Every fiber of her being knows that he loves her more than she'll probably ever understand. Every cell in her body knows that he will always put her first and show her what love is actually supposed to look like.
Hailey raises herself up on her toes and presses her lips against his again. Everything about this moment, from the way he tastes to the way his hands brush against her hips, feels like happiness.
He pulls back with a chuckle, almost looking disappointed. "As much as I would love to continue that, if we do, we are never eating dinner."
"You say that like it's a bad thing," she murmurs. She starts to run her hands up and down his arms, smiling up at him innocently.
'It's not the worst thing," he laughs quietly. "But I told you I'm making you dinner to celebrate. And I'm a man of my word."
"Oh really?"
Jay winks at her as he slowly unwraps himself from her, keeping one of his hands linked with hers as he tugs her to an empty area of the counter. She gets what he's silently saying, dropping his hand to boost herself up to sit on the counter so she can stay close as he finishes making dinner.
"Yeah," he responds with a devilish smirk, standing between her legs and resting both of his hands on her thighs with a soft pat. "I am."
"You're also a dork," she can't help but tease and he shakes his head, leaning forward to give her one more quick kiss before he takes a step away, grabbing her hand in the process. She outstretches her arm and he keeps his hold on her hand as he steps back before finally dropping it and going to finish cooking their dinner.
Hailey watches as he moves around what is now their kitchen with ease. There is no pause when he needs to find a new baking pan and he knows exactly where all of the ingredients are hidden in the unorganized cabinets. It's domestic and comforting, such a different feeling of home than Hailey has ever known.
Hailey smiles to herself. She's finally happy and she's finally home.
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