Nobody said that it would last forever, that doesn't mean we didn't try to get there
- Forever by Lewis Capaldi
(September 2008)
"Do you have enough pencils?"
"Yes."
"What about extra gym clothes? Or Tylenol in case your shoulder-"
"Hailey-" Jay cuts off his rambling girlfriend with a chuckle. "It's my first day of the police academy. Not my first day of kindergarten. I'm good."
Hailey stops her pacing back and forth on the apartment floor and lets her hands fall to her side. All week she has seemed a bit off and Jay knows it is her being nervous for him to start at the academy, the next step in their journey together, but he has never seen her like this.
A part of him wonders if the nervousness is misplaced feelings that it is him going to the academy and not her. She is in the last semester of her degree, and she won't enter the academy until the following fall when Jay will be in his rookie year. Hailey has told him time and time again she is okay with it. A long time ago, she resigned herself to the fact that this would be a long and hard journey for her and none of that changed how proud of him she was. But still, watching her nervously pace the apartment in her diner uniform, he can't help but worry about her even if she's not the one about to make a change.
"I know, I know," she says as she stills. "I'm just...this is a big day for you, and I want it to be great."
He smiles softly at her and takes a few steps over to where she is standing, hands reaching out to grasp hers. "It's going to be good. I promise. I have everything I need, and you have helped me do all the prep work. I'm ready. We're ready."
Hailey looks up at him, eyes wide, but a moment later, a small grin starts to grow on her lips. Jay laughs quietly at her change in mood, and it only causes her smile to grow more.
"You're starting the Academy," she whispers. "Like you're actually doing it. It's not just something we're talking about. It's real."
"And next year you'll be doing it," he adds. "We're almost there."
"Almost where?" She squeezes his hand and smiles.
Jay shrugs. "To whatever happens next."
Her smile grows again, and she raises herself up on her toes, pressing her lips to his in a soft, sweet kiss. "To whatever happens next."
He kisses her one, two, three more times until his hands let go of hers and come to rest on her hips, fingers tapping against her waist. Hailey hums against his kiss, leaning back with a soft laugh. She raises her hand to cup his cheek, stroking his jaw softly as she peers up at his disappointed expression.
"You are going to be so late if we do that," she laughs quietly.
"I can be quick," Jay tries to tug her closer to him, but she squirms in his grasp, her forehead coming to land on his shoulder. She snakes her arms around his waist, and he takes the opportunity to hug her tight, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he whispers into her hair, "Thanks for helping me get here."
She leans back out of his embrace, smile still bright. "I'm proud of you, you know that?"
He nods and whispers. "I know. And thank you….I should get going so I'm not late-"
He attempts to step out of her embrace but she grabs his hand and tugs him back as he tries to move away. He shoots her a strange look, and he notices the dangerous glimmer in her eye.
"Oh no," Hailey shakes her head. "One thing you're forgetting before you leave."
"Hailey-" he fights, already knowing where this is going, but she shakes her head again as she drops his hand and silently goes over to the kitchen. Jay throws his head back in fake annoyance, shooting Hailey a smirk when she comes back over with a disposable camera in hand.
"Now it really feels like the first day of kindergarten," he mutters, not able to keep a straight face when he notices her excitement.
"Something to look back on in twenty years," she reminds him as she raises the camera to her eye and peers through the lens. "Now, smile."
He does as she says, giving her a genuine smile knowing that if he doesn't, she will make him do it again. There have not been too many big, memorable moments of their relationship for them to photograph, most of the film in the disposable cameras wasted on random date nights and miscellaneous moments in the apartment. But her taking a picture of him on the first day of the rest of his life, it feels so normal, like something every other couple would do, and it feels right.
"Here," he reaches towards the camera when she is done and then grabs her hand with his. He pulls her to stand in front of him, pressing her back to his chest. Then, he wraps his arm around her as he holds out the camera away from them. "Smile."
His arm is shaking, and the picture is probably blurry and there is no way of knowing if one of them is blinking but Jay is sure that once this photo gets developed, it will be one of his favorites.
He lowers the camera and hands it back to Hailey with a smile. "Now, I really should go so I'm not late."
Hailey nods, a strange mixture of pride and disappointment, and she follows him over to the door before grabbing his hand. "Stay safe today, okay?"
Jay nods and winks at her as he unlocks the door and starts to step out. "For you? Always. You stay out of trouble today, okay?"
"At the diner?" She laughs and Jay just shrugs his shoulders before stealing one more quick kiss. He whispers goodbye against her lips before he slips out of the door, a few seconds later hearing Hailey lock the door behind him.
Any nerves Hailey was feeling before are now transferred to Jay and he can't help but feel anxious as he walks down the stairs and out towards his car. Today feels like the first step in whatever comes next. Today means no more dead-end jobs for him, being able to provide a better life for Hailey, maybe actually being able to make a real home with her, not the cheap apartment that they've been living in for far too long.
As he unlocks his car, he tries to shake the thoughts out of his head, knowing that putting more pressure on today will only make him more anxious. Instead, he just focuses on the support of the girl he left in the apartment and on how he just needs to survive day one.
Jay puts his ear up to the door, hoping that he will not hear any movement and it will be a sign he beat Hailey home by a few minutes. The apartment sounds quiet, so he tentatively puts his key in the lock and slowly pulls back the door. He looks around, letting out a small sigh of relief when he does not see her in the living area, but he almost jumps out of his skin when he sees her standing in the kitchen.
"Trying to sneak up on me?" Hailey calls out, back turned to him as she does something in the kitchen. He takes a slow step inside, gently closing the door and putting his bag down as he toes off his boots.
"No, just wasn't sure you'd be home," he half lies as he starts taking slow steps away from her and towards the bathroom.
"I know. I actually got out of work at the time I was supposed to today. It's a miracle," she laughs quietly. Jay thinks that she is distracted enough with whatever she is doing that he will be able to slip into the bathroom undetected, but as he is nearing the door, Hailey turns around, dropping the towel that is in her hand.
"Oh my gosh, what the hell happened to you?"
She rushes out of the kitchen and across the small living room as Jay sheepishly stands in place. When she is close enough to touch him, her hands gravitate towards his face, studying the new marks that are there. Her eyes widen when she sees the several scratches that now litter his face. He watches as her gaze travels down and she sees the bloodstains on his right shoulder and arm. She looks up at him in shock, hand still glued to his cheek.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he whispers, gently taking her hand off his cheek and wrapping it in his own before bringing it down to their sides. "We were doing some drills outside at the Academy today. I was supposed to be doing a fence climbing drill, but it was raining, and I wasn't paying attention. I ate some gravel and cut up my arm. It's no big deal."
"You're bleeding," Hailey says flatly. "I wouldn't say that's no big deal."
"Hailey, it's a couple of scratches and a jacked-up shoulder," he tells her. "Not my worst injury."
"Is it the same shoulder that-"
"Yeah."
He knows she remembers him having his shoulder in a sling when he came back from Afghanistan. He's never told her about the injury or what actually happened, but she knows that his shoulder flares up from time to time.
"We have some Neosporin in the bathroom," Hailey says with a sigh. "I'll clean it out."
"I can-"
His words die on his lips with the pointed look she shoots him. He doesn't argue when she tugs on his hand and leads him over to the bathroom, practically forcing him to sit down on the edge of the toilet before she rummages through the medicine cabinet for bandages and something to clean out his scratches.
"Take off your shirt while I find a few of the large bandages, okay?"
"You just want to play doctor so you can see me without a shirt?" He says flirtatiously, winking at her even though her focus is not on him. She catches his teasing though and shakes her head in fake annoyance.
"I can see you without a shirt whenever I want," she reminds him, letting out a little "ah-ha!" when she finds the band-aids she was looking for and places them on the counter next to the sink. "I'm playing doctor because I know you won't clean them out properly."
"It's barely a scratch, Hails," he murmurs.
Hailey turns and lets out a sigh when she sees the cuts that litter his shoulder. "Jay," she breathes out in a soft whisper. None of the gashes are particularly long or deep but it's still the first time she is seeing him injured since they started dating.
"You were gonna try to hide this from me, weren't you?" she hums. She distracts herself by grabbing a few bandages from the box and looking for the Neosporin, but he can still see the worried look on her face.
"I figured I could clean it all up without worrying you," he confesses.
"And when I saw it tonight when we went to bed?" She says knowingly, raising a skeptical brow, and he just sighs.
"Didn't really think that far. I just didn't want you to worry."
"Yeah, well, too late for that. I've been worrying about you since you went overseas. Probably longer than that if we are being honest."
"Hailey-"
"It's fine," she cuts him off. She grabs a clean towel and dampens it, eyes focused on her task as she continues. "I'm not telling you don't be a cop or that I'm not cool with this. But you're gonna have to be cool with me being a little worried. Believe it or not, I kinda care about you and don't want anything happening to you."
Just as he is about to respond, Hailey starts to clean the scratches on his arm and Jay instinctively flinches. Hailey removes the towel, just for a second as she steadies her other hand on his good shoulder.
"I know this is uncomfortable, but you need to sit still," she tells him. "Please."
Jay nods and makes an effort to sit still as Hailey continues to clean out the scratches on his arm before moving on to the small cuts on his face.
"Well, at least we've survived the first injury," Hailey says with a sigh. "I feel like that's a pretty major milestone."
He's only been in the Academy for a few weeks, and he knows she could make a teasing comment or two about what took him so long to get himself hurt. But thankfully, she bites her tongue and focuses her attention on tending to his scratches. Hailey finishes cleaning up his face and places the towel on the counter, trading it for the Neosporin. She turns back to Jay, a serious look on her face. "I have to put this on."
He rolls his eyes at the way she anticipates a fight but still nods, his eyes never leaving her as she takes a step forward and starts gently placing the ointment on the cuts on his arm. He hisses through his teeth lightly and she slowly stops her movement, eyes widening at him, but he shakes his head, a silent urge for her to finish.
"You say that like I'm gonna be getting injured all of the time."
"Aren't you?" She chuckles. "You're gonna be a cop. I highly doubt this is going to be your last injury. I've accepted that I'm going to have to play doctor for the rest of my life."
"Rest of your life?"
He passes it off as teasing but it sounds hopeful, too hopeful, and Jay watches as Hailey flusters for a moment while she tries to regain her composure.
"I mean…" she tries. "Someone has to be taking care of you if you're not even a month into the Academy and already getting injured?"
"And you're signing up for the role?" He continues, secretly enjoying the way the redness in her face is growing.
"I hate you. You know that?" She scrunches her nose at him, turning around to grab some bandages, rolling her eyes when she turns around again and is met with a smirk.
"Really?" Jay hums. "Because not even thirty seconds ago, you were offering to take care of me for the rest of your life."
She lets out a breathy scoff but doesn't say anything, clearly at a loss for words. She busies herself with trying to get the plastic protective covering off one of the smaller bandages, almost dropping the bandage when Jay reaches out and gently grabs her wrist.
"Hey," he whispers when she glances at him. "I like the idea of you taking care of me for the rest of our lives."
The way her expression melts, it's almost enough for him to get on one knee right now and ask her to spend forever with him. He would be lying if he said he had not thought about the future. In all honesty, he has probably been thinking about it a bit too much for how short their relationship actually is.
But he's loved her since he was sixteen and he knows that she is it and the only reason he does not have a ring burning a hole in his sock drawer right now is that he can't afford one.
"Yeah?" She asks softly as he drops her wrist, and she starts putting a bandage on one of the cuts on his face.
He nods, despite her hands trying to keep his face still, and she glares at him. He laughs lightly as she tries to put the band-aid on again.
"Yeah," he murmurs. "I figured you've put up with me for this long. Might as well keep you around forever."
Hailey gives the band-aid a firm press and turns to grab a larger one for his arm, shaking her head as she does so. "Wow. That's real romantic."
"I actually want to be with you," he smiles at her knowingly. "You know, marriage, house, dog, the whole thing."
She's got that soft smile again and this time, she's laughing too, a soft bubbly sound that escapes her lips with ease. "That your way of proposing, Halstead?"
"Yeah, no," he laughs. "I'm not proposing in the bathroom. But one day, right?"
For a moment, it's quiet. She focuses on putting on a larger bandage on his arm, but maybe she's actually taking a moment to think about it. He doesn't let himself look over at her, scared that he'll take one glimpse at her face and know that she doesn't want the same thing he does.
'Yeah," Hailey murmurs. "One day."
She leans back and smiles at him, and he knows that one day is probably going to come sooner than either of them expects. Because after all they have been through, he can't wait to live his life with her.
"But for now," she stands between his legs and drops both of her hands onto his shoulders, looking down at him. "Let's focus on not coming home with so many injuries, hmm?"
His hands find their way to her waist, and he glances up at her with a smile. "I don't know," he murmurs. "If this is the treatment I can expect when I get home, I might get injured every day."
Hailey groans, throwing her head back in exasperation. "I can't with you sometimes."
"But you love me, though, right? Injuries and all?"
Hailey leans forward and kisses his forehead gently, ruffling his hair as she leans back. "Yeah. I do. I really do."
She grabs his hand and tugs him out of the bathroom as easily as she pulled him in, leaving a few band-aid wrappers on the sink next to the Neosporin. They fall into their nightly routine, teasing and laughing and stealing kisses as they make dinner and clean up the apartment in preparation for the next day.
It's simple. It's easy. It's everything he has ever wanted, and it makes him look forward to the idea of whatever is coming next.
(October 2008)
The cuts on his face start to fade until all they are just a faint memory that Hailey teases him about every now and then. For the first week or so after he gets hurt, she makes a show of checking him over for injuries when he gets home from work and while Jay normally puts up a sad attempt at a fight, by the end of it, he is always laughing.
It's hard, the Academy, but Jay likes it, more than he thought he would. It feels like he has a purpose for the first time in a long time and he thinks that maybe it will fill up the space inside of him that has been empty since before he left for the war. Most of that space has been taken up by Hailey, something he wouldn't trade for the world, but over the past few months since he has been back stateside, it has continued to become abundantly obvious that something else needed to help fill that space.
And being a cop, maybe that would do it. It feels like some of the good parts of the army - the helping others and the having a purpose - without the bad parts that still haunt his mind some days.
Although, Jay would argue that being in the police academy has some bad parts too. Some of the drills are awful and he hates that he has to wake up before the crack of dawn to get a workout in and study, leading to less time with Hailey. And then, there are the other annoying parts. Like today, for example.
Being forced to volunteer at the community carnival the police academy puts on every October.
It's not the worst thing, he supposes, having to stand in a uniform for a few hours and do crowd control at the carnival. He justifies that it is showing his instructors at the academy that he cares about the city and that he is willing to do less than desirable work, both of which are true, but it means that he is losing one of his days off with Hailey.
Peeling himself out of bed that morning while her body was still pressed against his was one of the hardest things he has done in a long time.
"You could just not go," she mumbled against his chest that morning, and just thinking about her words now as he stands under the sweltering sun, much too hot for the middle of October, Jay can't help but smile.
He hears his own response repeat in his head, "It's way too early in my career as a cop for me to get fired" and the words are almost as alive as her whispered teasing of "Whoever convinced you to be a cop is an idiot."
Jay shakes his head, a sad attempt to wipe the smile from his face, and when he scans the crowd, he sees a knowing smirk painted on the face of his fellow recruit, Jackson, who got paired up with him for the day.
"What?" Jay asks.
"You're smiling, bro," Jackson laughs, hands shoved in his pockets as he looks at Jay. "And there is nothing to be smiling about here."
"It's a family carnival," Jay argues lightly. "There's plenty of happy stuff."
"You smiling about the face painting or the cotton candy?" Jackson continues and Jay just shakes his head breathlessly, not even attempting to argue. He doesn't know Jackson well, only having been paired with him in a few exercises at the Academy, but he seems like good police and a good man.
"There's some girl staring at you," Jackson pipes up again, catching Jay off guard. "That what you're smiling at?"
"What girl-" Jay starts to ask but the question dies on his lips as he looks over to see where Jackson is looking and sees an all too familiar blonde standing a few feet away, pretending to be looking everywhere but at him.
"She's pretty cute," Jackson comments cockily and Jay's head immediately snaps back to look at Jackson.
"She's also pretty taken."
Jackson raises an eyebrow, smirking smugly at Jay before he peers past him to nod at the girl in question. "That's the girlfriend, huh?"
Jay smiles, unable to help the proud grin that grows on his lips, "Yup. That would be her."
"Damn," Jackson lets out a low whistle. "Now I see why you are running out of class the minute it's over."
"She'd be the reason why," Jay hums happily, turning back to where Hailey is standing. She's still somewhat hidden by the crowd, but her bashful smile draws Jay's eyes like a magnet and he finds her with ease. When she realizes she's been spotted, she lets out a laugh that Jay can't hear from this far away, but he swears he can. Her smile grows and she starts making her way to Jay.
"What are you doing here?" Jay calls out when Hailey is in earshot, ignoring the amused chuckling from Jackson behind him.
"Came to surprise you," Hailey says with a shrug like it's the most obvious thing before she cocks her head to the side in confusion. "Is that not okay?"
"No, no, it's great," Jay softens his voice so Jackson can't hear them. "I just thought you were looking forward to spending the whole day in bed."
It's what she told him after she mumbled how the person who convinced him to be a cop was an idiot, happily whispering, "You have to go to work, and I get to stay in our bed all day" as he peeled himself out of the bed with a grumble.
"Yeah, well," Hailey's voice pulls him out of his daze. "Wasn't as much fun being there alone."
Jay is about to respond, some flirty comment of his own on his lips, but before he can speak, Jackson calls out, breaking the two of them out of their happy little bubble.
"Jay, you gonna introduce me to your girl?" He asks smugly and Jay can't help but roll his eyes in annoyance while Hailey just laughs quietly.
Jay takes a step back so Jackson can see Hailey who is standing next to him. "Jackson, this is my girlfriend, Hailey. Hailey, this is Jackson. We are in the Academy together."
Hailey waves over at Jackson, who is smiling widely. "Nice to finally meet the infamous girlfriend. Your boyfriend is quite the star over at the Academy."
"Not surprising," Hailey hums, glancing up at Jay with a playful little smile, but he just shakes his head and turns to Hailey.
"I still got fifteen minutes left till I'm done," he tells her. "Wanna go walk around and I'll catch up with you?"
Hailey opens her mouth to respond but before she can say anything, Jackson is interrupting again, yelling over to them, "Halstead, just go. Your girl came to visit you. Don't make the lady wait."
Jay throws his head over his shoulder to look at Jackson and rolls his eyes, "You done?"
But the proud look on his friend's face tells him he is anything but done. "It's fifteen minutes. If anyone asks, I'll tell them you went to the bathroom, and I'll call you. For once, don't be such a goodie goodie. Go walk around with your girl. Or I'll take her on a walk and-"
"Bye Jackson," Jay cuts him off, turning back to Hailey and grabbing her hand as Jackson breaks into a fit of laughter. When they are a few feet away and have finally disappeared into the crowd, Jay looks over at Hailey, who is just shaking her head in amusement.
"What?"
"You really don't want me meeting any of your friends, do you?"
Her tone is teasing but behind her eyes, there is a somewhat serious look. She's never brought up meeting his friends, but honestly, she has never had a reason to. Ever since he came home after the war, it has just been her and him.
"I wouldn't really say we are friends," Jay chuckles. "Just a buddy from the Academy. We've done some drills together."
"Still," Hailey hums. "I feel like I know no one from your life."
"I feel like I could say the same thing about you," he teases, bumping against her shoulder as they continue to stroll, and she rolls her eyes.
"Yeah, but that's different," Hailey argues softly. "I moved around a bunch. You never moved. And you only went to one school."
"I wasn't super close with any of the neighborhood kids," Jay shrugs. "And you know how I felt about the kids I went to high school with."
"What about the military?" She asks innocently and Jay almost closes his eyes in unease. "One of your buddies lives in Chicago, right?"
He doesn't even need to ask to know she is talking about Mouse. Jay can't remember for certain, but he thinks he might have mentioned him on his leave where he kissed Hailey for the first time. And he knows he has probably mentioned him a time or two since getting home. Hailey knows that Mouse lives in Chicago and that he was also injured in the accident that resulted in Jay's medical discharge.
That's all she knows, though, and in all their time together, she has never once asked to see Mouse. Until now.
"He keeps pretty busy," Jay breathes out. "Maybe we'll all do something one day, though."
It's not too far from the truth. Mouse does keep busy. What he keeps busy with, though, is probably better kept a secret from Hailey. When they came back, they both struggled. But Jay found Hailey and Mouse found alcohol. Jay knows for a fact that if he did not find Hailey when he did, he probably would have gone down a dark road too.
He sees Mouse every now and then and he tries to help his friend but most days, he does not know what to say. Whenever he has gone and seen Mouse, it has always been when Hailey is at work and it's typically not something that he tells her about when he gets home. His time in the military is a separate life from the one he is living now and as much as he loves his best friend, that includes keeping him a separate part of his life too.
"Besides," Jay tugs on Hailey's arm, shooting her a megawatt smile. "You wanna talk about my old friends or do you want to go enjoy the carnival?"
That gets her to smile, large and bright, and she squeezes his hand in hers. "Carnival, duh...I even brought one of the cameras."
"Of course, you did," Jay laughs but he can't even pretend to be annoyed, especially as Hailey starts tugging on his arm and leading him towards the different attractions.
It's an event-filled day and they make sure to document the whole thing. They take a picture of the two of them in front of a small rickety old Ferris wheel and Hailey forces Jay to take a picture in one of the cardboard cutouts of different farm animals. Jay sneaks a picture or two of Hailey as she plays one of the little fair games and they finish up the rest of the film on random pictures throughout the day.
"Oh man," Hailey laughs out later when they find a picnic bench and sit down, sipping some sodas Jay bought for them and watching the other event-goers enjoy the rides and games. Jay glances over at her and she's smiling, a little bigger and brighter than she has in a while due to the constant exhaustion of working sixty-hour weeks. It's the first time in a long time they've been able to get out of the house and do something like this and he's almost a little bit happy he was voluntold that he would be doing this event today.
"What?" Jay chuckles as he rolls the plastic straw for his soda between his fingers.
"Nothing," she hums. "I just...I don't remember the last time I came to something like this. It's fun."
He remembers when they went to Navy Pier, her mentioning that her childhood was not one filled with memories like this and that she didn't even remember parts of her childhood. He wonders if she has any memories at a place like this or if this is her first time experiencing it and that is why she is looking at everything with the excitement of a child.
"Definitely a good time," Jay agrees. "I think there are worse things that I could have been forced to volunteer for."
"Well, they should force you to do this every year," she laughs quietly, staring down at her own drink as she stirs the straw around in the small opening in the lid.
"Every year?" He raises an eyebrow at her, and she looks up at him with a soft smirk. "Won't we get a little old for coming to the carnival?"
"Yeah, well," Hailey hums again but she's not completely there, her gaze fixed on something else. Jay turns slightly to see what she is looking at and sees two young kids a few feet away, no more than six and eight, both with sandy blonde hair and large smiles. The little girl is chasing around her older brother, a balloon sword in her hand, both of their giggles ringing out through the carnival.
"You good?" Jay asks softly as he turns back to Hailey, and it snaps her out of her trance.
"Yeah," she nods, glancing back at the kids quickly and then at Jay again. By the way her face shifts, it's clear she knows that Jay isn't quite buying it and she sighs. "All the kids I knew growing up would come to these things. My parents never took us. It was always something I told myself that if I ever had kids, I would bring them too. One of those normal childhood experiences, you know?"
"You've thought about having kids?" The question escapes Jay's mouth before he can stop himself and he watches as Hailey sits up a little straighter, shaking her head lightly at his words.
"Not really," she murmurs. "Like when I was seven and thought that was the normal thing that everyone did. I haven't really thought about it much since though."
"Oh," Jay breathes out and he is not sure how to react to her answer. If he is honest, he has not thought much about kids either, only being twenty-four. So much of the last few years have been spent focusing on surviving a war he thought he'd never come home from.
And then he did. He still remembers his first day back, seeing Hailey with her nephew on her lap in Bartoli's, convinced that the child might be his. For the first time, he was not petrified at the idea of having a child, because he would be having that child with Hailey.
That was months ago, back before they were even together, and now, they are. They have been together for months and they have talked about the idea of forever and he just wonders where this all leaves them.
Hailey chuckles softly and stops stirring her straw and it's clear she notices his overthinking. "I'm not saying it's not something I don't want eventually. I'm just saying I don't really know right now. I mean, I had such a screwed-up childhood I don't think I would even know the first thing about raising a kid."
She laughs off the last part but Jay knows that behind the joking, she is serious. He reaches out his hand and gently grasps hers on the picnic table, giving it a squeeze. The contact catches her attention enough for her to level her eyes at him and he gives her a soft smile. "I know that I don't know everything that has happened in your past. But I do know that if that was something you wanted, you'd be really good at it."
"Thanks," she whispers. Then, she straightens up and asks him a little louder, "What about you, huh?"
"What about me?"
"You ever thought of having kids?"
Jay laughs quietly and then, he shrugs. "Not seriously. I mean, I've thought about having a kid or two but...I don't know. You're the only person I could see myself having a kid with though…"
He's worried that the latter part of his answer is going to scare her off but instead, it results in a soft smile, and she squeezes his hand. It's clear she gets his intended meaning, that the only thing he needs for the rest of forever is her and the rest of it they can figure out along the way.
"Yeah," Hailey hums. "If I was gonna do it, I'd want it to be with you."
"But we got time," Jay reassures her with a smile. "We're young. We got time to figure that all out."
"Oh, definitely," she laughs out, a little louder than before. "I'm only twenty-two. There is no way I am letting you get me pregnant for at least ten years, if not more."
"Noted," Jay chuckles. He glances past Hailey and sees more kids running around, having a good time, and smiles as he looks back at her. "You know, if we did decide that's something we want, we could always bring our kids to this one day in the future. One of those good childhood memories."
The way she smiles, so bright and large, he thinks that he definitely wants to see that same bright smile on a little girl with chubby cheeks and bright blue eyes.
"Think we'll be able to afford something better than the disposable cameras by then?" She teases and he squeezes her hand once more before letting go of it and reaching for his drink, holding it out towards her.
"Here's to hoping," he laughs, and Hailey picks up her own soda, mimicking his actions and quietly clinking their paper cups together.
They both take a sip of their drinks and Jay glances over at Hailey, smiling when he notices a knowing grin on her face. She catches his staring, shaking her head softly, glancing down at the table with a bashful smile.
"If we do it," she starts slowly. "The whole kids thing...I think we'll do it right."
"Yeah," Jay hums in agreement. "I think so too."
They stay like that for a few more moments, silently sipping their drinks and alternating glances between each other and the people around them. After a while, when Jay notices Hailey has finished her drink, he takes both of their cups and finds the nearest garbage can. When he returns to the table, he outstretches his hand to Hailey, smiling when she quietly takes it and starts walking with him again.
They walk through the rest of the small little carnival, alternating between small laughs and teasing each other as they watch families get on rides and kids run about the carnival. Jay holds onto Hailey's hand tight the whole time they walk, a smile plastered on his face as he thinks about how they might come to this carnival again one year in the future and how it might look a little different than it does right now.
(November 2008)
Jay can feel the wind rushing through his bones as he jogs the last few steps to the apartment building, quickly pulling the door open as he adjusts his bag on his shoulder.
He has been in the Police Academy for two and a half months and it's been hard, but so good, even if it means long days and late nights and less time with Hailey. She has had to pick up the slack, working a few extra hours each week to make up for him working less, but he hopes that by this time next year when she will be ready to be in the Academy, he will be able to return the favor.
He unlocks the apartment door and smiles when he sees Hailey sitting on the small couch, hair up on the top of her head in a bun, wearing one of his old high school sweatshirts. She shoots him a sweet smile, moving the book that was sitting in her lap and peeling herself off the couch to come to greet him.
"Hey," she whispers as she meets him in the middle of the room and presses a quick kiss to his lips. "How was today?"
"Same as yesterday. Long," he answers as he sets his bag down on the floor next to them and wraps his arms around her waist. "How was class?"
She groans and he can't help but smile as she removes herself from his grasp and drags him to the couch to sit next to her.
"Remind me why I thought it was a good idea to wait until my last semester to take stats?" She mutters as she plops back down in her spot. "I don't understand a damn thing in this book."
He picks up the textbook and places it in his lap, looking over the page that she was reading as she leans against his side, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Want me to read it out loud to you?" He teases and she swats at his hand playfully.
"Like you're gonna even know what half that crap is," she mumbles under her breath.
He kisses the top of her head with a laugh before he starts reading, earning an amused chuckle from Hailey.
"In order to run an ANOVA, the researcher must first state the null hypothesis and then compute the F ratio. The F ratio is then compared to a sample distribution of F values…." Jay cocks his head and looks down at Hailey, who is biting her lip. "Hails, what the hell does any of this mean?"
"No clue," she murmurs, taking the book from him and putting it back in her own lap. "That's what I've been trying to figure out since I got home from class."
"And I thought Animal Farm was confusing," Jay breathes out, shaking his head. "When's the final?"
"Three weeks," she tells him. "Think I'll be ready?"
He kisses the top of her head again before pushing himself off the couch, "I know you will be. I'm gonna take a shower and then we can figure out food?"
She nods happily before returning her attention back to her book as he slips into the bathroom. He doesn't spend long in the too-small shower, the lack of hot water making his desire to stay in there minuscule, and he quickly changes into gray sweats and a black t-shirt before returning to the main room.
When he comes back, though, Hailey isn't sitting on the couch, but she is standing in front of the stove, her back turned to him, her hips softly swaying as she hums.
"What are you doing?" Jay asks as he comes into the kitchen, pausing at the opposite counter as she turns around and shoots him a smile.
"Making dinner," she says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"I would have done it," he tells her. "You should be studying."
"I needed a break," she says as she turns back around and continues stirring whatever she is cooking. "Besides, I know you've had a long couple of days. Figured I would do something nice for you."
He smiles as he takes a few steps across the kitchen, carefully wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin in the crook of her neck. She hums at the contact, using her free hand to pat his hands on her stomach.
"What are you making?" He whispers.
"Pasta," she says with a soft laugh. "That's all we have left in the cupboards. We need to go shopping one day."
"Pasta's not bad," he tells her, lifting his head to press a quick kiss to her shoulder before resuming his previous position.
"I know," she agrees. "But I feel like it's all we eat lately. One day when we both have real jobs and actual paychecks, we are going to diversify our menu."
He knows she is trying to make a joke, but his mind gets caught on the idea of "one day" and he thinks he likes it. One day where they are cops, and they move out of this apartment. One day where they make this thing between them official.
Since he kissed her a few months ago, Jay has been anything but confused about his feelings for Hailey. He knew he had loved her for far longer than he could even understand, since he was a kid and reading a book to the pretty girl next door, even if he didn't have the words back then.
But now? He does not just know it, he feels it, deep in his bones, that he loves her more than he is ever going to love anything in this world. He loves her laugh and her smile and how damn hard she is working to make a better life for herself. He loves that, even when she has had a hard day, she still somehow puts him first.
Jay has never had something in his life like this and he does not want to ever lose it, because it's good and it's real and he wants it forever.
"Marry me," he breathes out against her neck, and at first, he does not even think Hailey hears him. But, after a moment, she leans forward to turn off the stove and moves the pot of boiling water to the back burner before turning around in his arms.
"What?"
"Marry me," he says, a little louder this time. It should scare him how simply the words tumble out, but he's never been as sure about anything as he is about this, so they slip out with ease.
He watches as her expression changes, a little bit of shock and nervousness and maybe even excitement, and he just bites his lip as he waits for her to respond. Her hands come to rest on his chest, steadying herself as she slowly processes his request, her lips trying to form words.
"Jay, it's been-"
"Long enough," he cuts her off gently. "You're it for me. I know that. And I love you more than anything."
"Where is this coming from?" She breathes out.
"It just hit me," he says softly. "That we've wasted all of this time and I want to be with you forever. Because I love you and you are by far the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. So, I want to marry you."
"Jay, I-"
"I know I don't have a ring and we have a lot to figure out with you finishing school and me being in the Academy but-"
"Jay-"
"- I think we can figure it out, you know-"
"Yes."
"If anyone can figure it out…" he pauses, finally slowing his ramblings as he looks down at her, hopefully. "Wait, what did you say?"
"Yes," she repeats with a laugh. "Yes, I'll marry you."
Instantly, Jay smiles and tugs her closer to him. He dips her down, anchoring one hand on her waist and the other supportively holding her back, and kisses her, his mouth silencing the laughs she produces. He can feel her smile against his kiss as she grabs at his shirt and then her mouth opens under his and he starts to lose all ability to think. Quickly, he pulls her back up, tightening his grip on her as he pushes her gently towards the counter.
"You're serious?" She whispers against his kiss. "You really want to get married?"
He leans back, just a little, pressing his forehead against hers and gazing at her wide eyes. "More than anything. But if you think it's too fast-"
"It's not," she cuts him off quickly with a small smile. "I want to marry you too."
"Say it again," he breathes out and when she doesn't respond, he leans back and raises his eyebrow until she gets what he means.
"Yes," she whispers with a growing smile. "Yes, I'll marry you."
He kisses her again, slower this time, savoring the fact that finally, they have all the time in the world. She mumbles "bed" before gently biting his lip to deepen the kiss and he feels the quickening of his heartbeat at the idea that this is how he is going to spend the rest of his life. Jay anchors his hands on her waist and starts to slowly walk them backward out of the kitchen, her lips never leaving his.
"We're getting married," he whispers against her lips as they make their way into the living room towards the bed. He tugs on her sweatshirt and she helps him lift the fabric over her head before she focuses on his own black t-shirt.
"Are we crazy?" She mumbles once she finally gets his shirt off and she begins pressing open-mouthed kisses against his jaw.
"No," he whispers, gently grabbing her arms and pulling her away from him, earning a disappointed groan from Hailey. He chuckles and kisses her forehead, letting his hand cup her cheek.
"I love you," he tells her, his thumb lightly stroking her jaw. "And I want to build a life with you."
"I love you too," she whispers. "I always have. And I always will."
He wastes no time in kissing her again and it feels like the start of forever, like all the pieces of his life finally falling into place as they should.
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