Originally planned to be three chapters, this is now at least five...
ooo
Kaoru did turn up Friday evening at the restaurant. For the sake of both their dignities, Kaoru pretended he didn't notice the relief that flickered across Kojiro's face. Really, no need to be dramatic about it. They'd had worse fights and come out the other end; no need to kick up a fuss. No need to have any talks, and certainly no need to bring up any unspoken feelings.
"Did you want Japanese or Italian tonight?" Kojiro asked, a smile on his face. This smile was not making things easier for Kaoru, who was trying hard to return to his usual state of denial.
Kaoru would like to suffer his irrational, awful, unrequited crush in peace. He didn't need Kojiro's sympathy, rejection, or guilt. Kojiro pretending he didn't see Kaoru's crush was the only way Kaoru maintained this relationship or his sanity.
"Kaoru, are you still mad?" Kojiro asked, words barely registering. Kaoru plugged in Carla and sat at his usual seat at the counter, completely on autopilot. "Kaoru? Earth to Kaoru…"
It might be lonely, but it'd be even more lonely if things became awkward and they stopped spending time together. Besides, sometimes his crush flared up, but it always sunk down to a more manageable level if Kaoru waited it out. It never really went away, but most days he could shove it down so he wasn't constantly suffering from constant abject misery.
"Kaoru, are you giving me the silent treatment? You haven't done that since middle school when I broke your Gameboy…"
Kojiro leaned over the counter, trying to meet his eyes, but Kaoru barely noticed, deep in his own sulking. All these challengers asking for dates had really forced romance to the forefront of Kaoru's mind. He was normally so good at shoving all the emotions deep down, and at reminding himself that Kojiro was an annoying, moronic muscle-head.
"A gorilla," Kaoru muttered to himself as a reminder. "A muscle head gorilla."
"Hey," Kojiro protested, eye twitching in irritation. "Not even a hello?"
"What?" Kaoru blinked, finally noticing Kojiro leaning over the counter. Even annoyed, Kojiro looked-
Kojiro looked-
Kaoru slapped his hand directly over Kojiro's face before he could finish that thought.
"Hey," Kojiro said, voice muffled as Kaoru's palm squashed his mouth and nose. Kojiro reached up and tried to pry Kaoru's fingers away from his eyes. He looked ridiculous.
"Ha," Kaoru snorted, but allowed his hand to be peeled away easily enough. Kojiro looked so indignant, Kaoru couldn't stop from snickering some more.
"What the hell, asshole," Kojiro asked, exasperated and put upon. Kaoru laughed some more. Kaoru could see Kojiro fighting a smile of his own; he was never good at keeping a straight face when Kaoru laughed, even when it was at his own expense. Kaoru loved that about him, too. "Are you mad or not?"
"Not," Kaoru told him, finally. "Now bring me food. And some wine." Maybe with wine, he could forget what he loved about Kojiro, just for a little while.
"That's what I was asking you," Kojiro said petulantly. "You ignored me. What do you want to eat?"
"Oh," Kaoru blinked. "I didn't hear you. Whatever you have left over is fine."
Kojiro shrugged, heading to the kitchen. He hesitated in the doorway, looking back. "Are you all right? If you weren't ignoring me on purpose, you were pretty out of it…"
"I'm fine," Kaoru said, and it was true. After all this mess with the tournament was done, he'd push all his feelings back down again, and they'd be back to normal. "Just stressed about the tournament. I'll be glad when it's all done."
"Are you worried about the date?" Kojiro asked carefully, twisting his cleaning towel in his hands.
"I'm a grown man, I can handle a date," Kaoru said defensively, scowling. When Kojiro just raised an eyebrow, he deflated. "Well. I never liked going out with strangers much. But at least the challenges will end."
"It's my fault," Kojiro sighed after a pause. He sounded defeated. "I shouldn't have intervened with that girl. I just said the first thing that came to mind."
"Why was that the first thing that came to mind?" Kaoru asked uncomfortably. He felt like he should reassure Kojiro, but after saying it was his fault so many times, a prideful part of him didn't want to admit he was wrong. But he had wondered why Kojiro had said that, that Kaoru wouldn't date anyone who couldn't keep up with his skating.
"I guess, I was thinking," Kojiro started, before stopping and looking at Kaoru warily.
"What?"
"You'll be mad."
"I'll be mad if you don't tell me, now."
"Ugh," Kojiro groaned, running a hand through his hair. "There's no winning with you, you know that, right? I was thinking of how you used to look at Adam when he skated."
Kaoru let out a long breath, and covered his face with his hands. He'd walked right into that one. And now that he thought about it, "someone who could match his skating," didn't that description fit Kojiro, too? At least Kojiro had the common sense to not bring up the latter.
"Kaoru?" Kojiro asked, panicked. In a flash, he was back at the counter, tugging at Kaoru's wrists. "Kaoru, are you crying? Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up, please don't cry—"
"What? Why would I be crying?" Kaoru said in surprise, easily letting Kojiro pull away his hands and showing his tear-free, clear eyes. Kojiro was very close, and looked so earnest. Kaoru's heart stuttered, but he carefully kept his face impassive even while internally he gave himself a slap.
"Ah- I mean- Adam," Kojiro stammered, looking incredibly embarrassed, realizing immediately he'd overreacted. "Ah, shit, kill me. This never happened!"
"We're not in grade school anymore," Kaoru objected, feeling weirdly defensive. "I'm not a crybaby anymore!" And oh, maybe someone should kill him too, that sounded so juvenile.
"You used to cover your face like that when you cried," Kojiro protested, releasing Kaoru's wrists like they'd burned him. "You didn't like anyone seeing your red nose!"
"I was just embarrassed about Adam," Kaoru said, voice rising to almost a shout. "Wouldn't you be embarrassed if you used to like him? He turned into such a creep! And that's the second time you've brought that up in two days! And now you're bringing up my red nose, too!"
"I know," Kojiro shouted back. "I didn't think it through! I'm embarrassed I did that, so now we're both embarrassed! Stop reminding me!"
"Then you stop reminding me!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
They both stared at each other a long moment, before looking at each other became so painfully awkward Kaoru genuinely wanted an asteroid to crash into the earth and put them all out of their misery.
"I'll go get your food," Kojiro mumbled, looking away and retreating to the kitchen as quickly as he could without outright running.
Kaoru let his head fall to the counter with a thunk. Ugh. How embarrassing. He forcefully pushed old memories away, but they came faster than he could suppress.
ooo
Some memories were harder to quash than others.
Kaoru cried often in elementary school, and was teased by the other kids for how red his nose would get. They'd call him Rudolph, and would sing Akahana no Tonakai any time Kaoru so much as sniffled. Kaoru was so embarrassed that he'd developed a habit of covering his face any time he felt even the slightest upset.
Any time the kids sang, Kojiro would drag Kaoru away. He'd tell Kaoru that Rudolph's red nose was what made him special and let him save the day. He told him Kaoru shouldn't be embarrassed to cry, because Kaoru was special too. This usually made Kaoru cry harder, so then Kojiro would give him a hug and let Kaoru hide his face in his shirt.
"Please don't cry, Kaoru," Kojiro used to say. "If you hate that song so much, I'll sing you another."
And he would. Kojiro actually sang very nicely, and would sing whatever Kaoru asked. Kaoru liked asking him to sing lullabies the best, and Kojiro always sang them very earnestly. Sometimes Kaoru would fall asleep on him, and Kojiro would hold very still so as not to wake him up.
Kaoru had eventually outgrown the habit of covering his face, or rather, he'd outgrown the habit of crying so much. Kaoru couldn't believe Kojiro still remembered those moments. It made Kaoru's heart hurt to remember how sweet Kojiro was as a child, but it hurt him even more to remember how sweet he could still be, all these years later. No one knew him like Kojiro, and no one else ever would.
ooo
Kaoru's day of pining was over. Crush? What crush? Bah, as if he'd be in love with a stupid gorilla. Love, who said love? There was no love here!
His feelings felt manageable again, and everything was back to normal. Well, almost.
"I still blame you," Kaoru said sourly to Kojiro, watching the chaos of the huge turnout that night at S. The tournament was here, and Reki had set up some online registration system which only half of the hopefuls seemed to have actually used. Harried, Reki was running around, helping Cherry fans pull up the link on their phones. Langa was pulled along, shyly answering questions when Reki was busy. Shadow had come tonight, and Miya didn't bother to help the two teens, choosing to pester Shadow instead.
"You're the one who's too proud to turn down a beef," Kojiro said, equally sour. "This wouldn't have gotten so out of hand if you'd just told a few people no."
…To be honest, Kojiro wasn't wrong. Even before the tournament had been announced, Kaoru had finally decided to bring an end to it all and start rejecting challengers. After Kojiro had told the kids how he'd turned down Adam's bet when they were seventeen, Kaoru had felt incredibly immature in comparison. His streak wasn't worth it. Kojiro had made a more mature decision at age seventeen than Kaoru was now, some ten years later. And if he felt immature compared to Kojiro, that's when he knew he had to rethink his life choices.
But right after he'd made that decision, Reki had recklessly announced the tournament, and it had all spiraled from there. Well, it was too late now.
"Kaoru? Kaoru…" Kojiro was saying, drawing out his name. Kaoru snapped out of his thoughts, realizing Kojiro had been calling his name while he was lost in thought.
"What?" Kaoru asked, having lost track of the conversation.
"Are you all right?" Kojiro asked cautiously.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Kaoru sniffed, glaring out at the crowd. Various shouts of "Cherry, over here~" and "I want you to pop my cherry~" could be heard.
"You're not telling me to shut up," Kojiro said wryly. "And you're not scolding me for calling you Kaoru. I'd say something is wrong."
"Shut up, and don't use that name," Kaoru said half-heartedly. He wondered which random face in the crowd he'd be stuck going on a date with. He'd probably have to tell them his real name if they went somewhere outside of S. A part of him still wanted to call it all off, but so many people were involved now. It'd damage his reputation if he backed out after all this.
"Hmm," Kojiro said, before a look of determination came over him. He put a comforting hand on Kaoru's shoulder. "Don't worry, Kaoru. I'll make sure you don't have to go out with a stranger."
"Don't make promises you can't keep," Kaoru said, an edge in his voice. "And don't use that name!"
"Even if it was an accident, I did give that girl the idea," Kojiro admitted. "And I know you're proud of the fact that you've never turned down a beef. So, I'll fix it. Didn't you tell me to fix it?"
"How in the world could you possible fix this?" Kaoru asked doubtfully. "And since when did you do what I told you to do, anyway?"
"I did your math homework for you in the seventh grade," Kojiro pointed out.
"Only because you needed me to do your English homework!" Kaoru said.
"My English was fine! Your math was what was really hopeless," Kojiro protested.
"Your face is what's really hopeless," Kaoru retorted.
"Your mom is what's really hopeless," Kojiro responded with equal maturity.
"I'll tell Okaa-san you said that next time I see her," Kaoru sniffed, both of them knowing he wouldn't.
"What? No, Kaa-san loves me, Kaoru, don't," Kojiro whined, turning to look at Kaoru with betrayal. It was true; Kaoru's mother always asked him to bring Kojiro home for dinner when he visited. Well, in many ways, she'd helped raise both of them.
"See if she lets you call her Kaa-san anymore!"
"Kaoru!" Kojiro complained, shoving him.
"Don't use that name here!" Kaoru shoved him back, and it just devolved from there. Neither of them noticed Langa approaching; who knew how long he was standing there before he finally found a place to politely cut in.
"Um," Langa said, interrupting their roughhousing. They both paused, and Langa fidgeted when they both turned to stare at him. Kojiro gave Kaoru one last light shove, so Kaoru kicked Kojiro in the shin. Kojiro yelped. "They're going to start the races. Joe, you're in the first heat."
"Right, I'm coming," Kojiro told Langa, rubbing his shin. To Kaoru, he said, "Way to sabotage your champion, sweetheart."
"Wait, what?" Kaoru demanded, looking between Langa and Kojiro. "You're competing in this farce?"
"I told you I'd fix it," Kojiro said grouchily. "If I win, you don't have to go on a date with anyone, right?"
"Oh," Kaoru said, at a loss of what to say. Before he could think of anything, Langa jumped in.
"I think it's very romantic," Langa said sincerely, eyes wide and honest. Wait, there was some sort of miscommunication here.
"Romantic?" Kaoru squawked, appalled. How had this kid gotten the wrong idea? Was Kaoru's pining so obvious that children were starting to pick up on it? "What romantic? There's no romance! Don't go around spreading nonsense!"
"Eh?" Langa asked guilelessly, looking between them confused. Kojiro avoided eye contact, but didn't say anything. "Ah, sorry, maybe I misunderstood something? My Japanese is a bit…"
"Don't worry about it, kid," Kojiro said, placing a hand on Langa's shoulder and steering him away. "Let's not keep everyone waiting, right?"
"There's no romance," Kaoru called after them, half desperate, not understanding why Kojiro didn't refute anything. Probably to annoy him…
"What romance?" Reki asked, popping up to say hello like a shark smelling blood in the water. As always, where Langa was, Reki wasn't far behind. "Is there someone in the tournament you're rooting for? Maybe you should tell Joe so he doesn't beat them. Why is Joe competing, anyway?"
"…Why do you think Joe is competing?" Kaoru asked cautiously, suddenly paranoid that everyone knew about his inconvenient crush on Kojiro.
"I don't know," Reki shrugged, as Miya approached. "I thought you asked him to 'cause you were tired of the challengers, like last time."
"What's going on?" Miya asked.
"Cherry asked if I knew why Joe was competing," Reki informed him, shrugging again. "I have no idea. Do you know?"
Miya looked at Reki like he'd said something particularly stupid. "Are you serious?"
"Wait, he told you?" Reki asked, surprised. "What'd he say?"
"He didn't tell me, slime, it's just obvious."
"It's not obvious to me," Reki complained.
"He feels guilty," Kaoru cut off the bickering. "And I told him I didn't want to go on a date with a stranger, so he's just helping out of obligation."
Now Miya looked at Kaoru like he was particularly stupid, which was completely unjustified, and Kaoru glared at him. Miya glared back.
"Oh, that's why?" Reki asked. "That's nice of him. You guys fight so much, a lot of people think you don't get along, but you're actually good pals, huh?"
Miya face palmed, letting out a groan. Kaoru felt a bit embarrassed, even though Reki hadn't said anything wrong. But even if it was true, one should have more class than to bring it up! 'Pals' with Kojiro, pah.
"Wait," Reki continued, chattering on as always. "If you already knew why he entered, why were you asking me?"
Miya let out another groan, sounding genuinely pained.
"What's wrong with you?" Reki asked Miya, bewildered.
"That's enough of that," Kaoru said loudly, deciding he'd had enough of whatever this was. "Now hush. The race is starting."
Reki and Miya promptly stopped arguing, turning to look at the track. Kojiro looked as if he'd just finished a conversation with Langa, giving him a nod as he stepped up to the start line. As the countdown began, he looked uncharacteristically serious, eyes focused and muscles tensed as he waited for the buzzer. Kaoru figured that even if it was a ridiculous tournament, it was still a competition, and Kojiro had a reputation to maintain. Seeing Kojiro's seriousness, Kaoru started to feel the nerves as well. He recognized a few of the skaters in this qualifier, and they weren't bad. If Kojiro fell or made a mistake, the race could be close.
The buzzer went off, and the skaters took off. Kaoru found himself gnawing on his lip under his mask, eyes unable to leave the screen.
"How many entrants are there?" Langa asked, jogging back over to join them.
"Twenty-something," Reki answered. "Who knew Cherry was so popular? And a bunch of people said they were ineligible for the tournament 'cause he already beat them. And some said they'd wanted to join, but decided not to bother when they found out Joe was racing too."
"Cherry is a talented skater," Langa mused. "I guess it makes sense. He's good-looking and rich, too."
"…You think Cherry is good-looking?" Reki asked, sounding a bit downtrodden. Kaoru rolled his eyes at trepidation in Reki's voice.
"There's literally a whole tournament because everyone thinks Cherry is hot," Miya snorted, also rolling his eyes. Sometimes Kaoru wondered if Miya copied him, and if he should tell the child to find a better role model. But then again, better him than Kojiro, the brute. "Is that even a question?"
"But Langa, do you think Cherry is good-looking? Like, is he your type? What's your type?" Reki persisted. Langa went red and looked a bit like a deer in headlights; Kaoru wrinkled his nose and decided to cut this off for both their sakes.
"Some of us are trying to watch the race," Kaoru said loudly, sending them a glare. The kid's mouths thankfully snapped shut. A few compliments were fine, but he didn't want to hear a bunch of kids debating if he was their type or not. And he definitely didn't want to get involved with Reki and Langa pining after each other.
"It's not much of a race," Miya said, turning his attention back to the screen. "Joe's really not holding back tonight."
Well, it was just the qualifier. Of course Joe would win. Nevertheless, Kaoru let out a sigh of relief as Kojiro officially crossed the finish line.
The kids chattered some more, and Shadow came over to say hello as they waited for Kojiro to make his way back up to the top of the track. When Kojiro arrived, he hopped out of the back seat of a car; it looked like he'd caught a ride up with a few of his defeated opponents who'd decided to stick around to watch the rest of the tournament. As he got out of the car, it seemed like the two girls in front were arguing; the girl who got out of the passenger seat slammed the door as she exited. Another girl, looking put upon, stepped reluctantly out of the driver's side. Kojiro was making a face. Many of the bystanders loitering around watching the second heat turned their attention to the drama unfolding instead.
"It's not fair," the first girl protested, talking to her friend, a petit girl who'd been driving. "Joe shouldn't be allowed to compete for this!"
"Just let it go," her friend argued with her. "If you lost to Joe, you wouldn't have won against Cherry either! If Cherry had raced you last week like you'd wanted, you'd have lost anyway!"
"Joe doesn't even want a date with Cherry! This tournament was in bad faith!" the first girl wailed.
"Who said I don't want a date with Cherry?" Kojiro demanded, cutting into the argument. Everyone went quiet, and even the girls stopped to stare at him wide-eyed.
Kaoru felt his face turn red. After thinking about it, he knew Kojiro was just keeping up a pretense so he wouldn't be disqualified, but his heart stammered traitorously.
"Eh," the first girl stuttered. "But… You guys are always arguing, don't you guys not get along?"
"If we didn't get along, why would I enter in the first place?" Kojiro asked, sounding incredibly irritated.
Kaoru suddenly wondered if it bothered Kojiro that most people assumed they disliked each other. Kaoru always assumed it wouldn't bother Kojiro since it never bothered Kaoru himself much. In the end, what other people thought wouldn't affect the reality—and it allowed him to keep his dignity, since people were less likely to suspect he was pining away pathetically—but Kojiro seemed genuinely offended.
"We thought it was a joke," the first girl said weakly.
Kojiro's expression darkened, and he looked over at Kaoru. With determination, he walked over to where Kaoru stood with the kids. Kaoru didn't like the look in Kojiro's eyes. He didn't know what was about to happen, but he dreaded it all the same. He felt frozen, heart going wild, but he had gotten his blush under control and managed to keep his gaze dispassionate.
"What?" he asked, toneless, only for his eyes to widen when Kojiro stopped directly in front of him and put his face close, their noses just a few inches away from each other.
"Please don't get mad," Kojiro said, and then reached up, pulled down Kaoru's mask, and kissed him.
"Mmph," Kaoru made an embarrassing sound of surprise, feeling his blush return with a vengeance. His eyes were wide, but Kojiro's face was too close, and he squeezed his eyes shut on reflex.
It wasn't a long kiss—just a few seconds, before Kaoru could make up his mind whether to push him away or not. He thought he should, but then he thought it'd destroy the pretense and the fangirls would kick Kojiro out of the tournament. Then Kaoru really would be stuck on a date with a stranger. But, no, the pretense was only that Kojiro had to want a date. But, no! Even Kaoru wasn't so much of an ass to embarrass Kojiro when Kojiro was the one doing him a favor—and he'd seemed upset those girls thought they didn't get along—but really, there was no need to go this far, Kojiro deserved to be pushed off— this was all this fault anyway—
And did any of that matter, Kojiro was stroking his cheek with his thumb, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck—
And his five seconds of panic ran out, Kojiro let him go, and Kaoru's eyes fluttered open. What the fuck, Kojiro, what the fuck—
Kojiro paused briefly before pulling away entirely, staring right into Kaoru's eyes, their noses still close together. His eyes were dark in the dim light, and Kaoru felt completely wired, staring back at him frazzled. He didn't move when Kojiro reached for him and tugged Kaoru's mask back up over his nose.
Kojiro turned away and addressed their audience. "I'm going to win that date," he announced. Their audience broke out into wild chatter.
KOJIRO, WHAT THE FUCK—
"Gross," Miya said. "There are children present, you know."
"Don't be a bigot, Miya," Reki hissed, sounding appalled.
"What?" Miya said in surprise. "No, slime, not 'cause they're men! Two people kissing is gross no matter what!"
"Oh," Reki said, sounding relieved.
"Cherry, are you okay?" Langa asked quietly, but none of the kid's voices were registering over the litany of what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, running through Kaoru's mind.
"Kaoru?" Kojiro asked worriedly, eying him with trepidation. "Shit, you're mad. I'm sorry, okay? People kept giving me a hard time, and then I saw you, and I thought there was one way to make them shut up—but I knew you'd probably be mad, I shouldn't have done it, please don't be mad, I don't know why I thought that was a good idea—"
"Forget it," Kaoru said as finally, Kojiro's words broke through the haze of panic. He was surprised at how level his voice came out. 'I shouldn't have done it.' No, Kojiro shouldn't have. He should know better than to toy with Kaoru's feelings like that. Well, Kaoru wasn't going to be the one who overreacted. If he got mad, they'd have to talk about why he was mad, and they were never having that conversation if he could help it. It was fine, Kaoru was fine; Kaoru knew Kojiro hadn't meant anything with the kiss. It stung, and therefore he wanted to pretend it all never happened, so that it wouldn't sting anymore.
"Kaoru—" Kojiro started, strained.
"I said forget it," Kaoru said flatly, cutting him off. He was careful to keep his expression impassive. "It's just a kiss, it doesn't mean anything. Let's just agree to never bring this up again."
Everyone fell silent, Kojiro and the kids both. An uncertain expression crossed Kojiro's face, his eyebrows furrowing, mouth opening like he wanted to say something, but then closing again. Miya winced, and Langa looked upset. Reki looked like he'd just realized something and it worried him.
"What?" Kaoru demanded. Why was everyone surprised that he would be mature about this? Why did everyone look at him like he'd said something particularly harsh? He'd been doing Kojiro a favor, letting him off the hook so easily! There was no need to look at him like he was some cruel bastard!
"…Nothing, Kaoru," Kojiro finally said quietly. "You're right. Let's just forget it."
"Right," Kaoru said with a pang in his heart, a bit at a loss. Suddenly he felt suffocated, like he wanted to be anywhere but here. He set down Carla and stepped on. "I'm going to go for a few runs on the half pipe. If I'm not back on time, good luck in your next race."
"You're not going to watch?" Kojiro blurted.
"I'll be back for the finals," Kaoru said. "There's no one in the next round who's on your level anyway."
"But—" Kojiro started, but whatever he was going to say, Kaoru didn't stick around to hear the rest of it.
Feeling the wind whipping through his hair, Kaoru ran away from Kojiro, away from the whole stupid tournament—Kaoru just needed a moment to breathe.
ooo
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