Chapter 7

It was the general's turn to not be present at dinner that night. I was in a good mood and a wave of disappointment racked me to see that he wasn't there to be a witness of it. But the shadowsinger was, so I made sure to greet him. He simply looked at me, perhaps a bit shocked, but eventually said hello back then went to go sit next to Mor.

"Hungry, are you?"

Rhysand appears at my side as I was filling up a clean plate with the leftover food. I recognised some of it from the general's feast that morning so I chose a selection that I had seen him go for. "It's for Cassian," I told the High Lord. While the others were occupied eating, I had used my sight to scour the House of Wind and found Cassian in a study. "As a thank you for the lesson this morning. The least I can do is bring him dinner."

"See to it that he actually eats in then, will you?" He leant against the able, hands dug into his pockets. "Cass has a habit of blocking the world out when he's working."

"Like you do?" I received a look that made me laugh. I dug a knife and fork into the large platter. "I doubt that he'll forget about food if it's in front of him."

Rhysand held up his fist, fingers facing towards me. "Lesson number one-" he lifted his index finger, "-only two things would distract that oaf from food, and those are pretty woman and work."

"Sounds like a very typical male to me," I sang back. "Don't worry, I'm not sending Morrigan with the food. I'll make sure he eats." Rhysand offered me a semi-tired smile and an affirmational nod. I bowed my head in a slightly mocking manner, keeping the plate balanced and close to my sternum, weaving my way out into the vast hallways.

Despite having a decent day with the general, fear still rattled me as I approached the study. If there was a change of heart, a change of mind or truly even just a moment of uncontrolled temper, I knew that Illyrian could tear me to shreds without a second thought. But I had to be the one to overcome my own fear.

I knocked gently on the study door, which was already ajar, and swung open more so at the pressure of my knuckles. Cassian sat as I had seen him, leant back in the chair looking almost exactly like I had seen him that morning only now with signs of tire replacing his energetic twitches. "What have we here?" his rumbling tone called, tinted with mirth and boyish wonder. It was befitting.

"A thank you," I answered, placing the plate down on an empty space on the desk. I spied on the work in front of him but all I made out was plenty of words with signs of editing. "For this morning."

"Well thank you," he chuckled. He discarded the quill and quickly took to a piece of chicken wing. "Apologies for my absence at dinner" he spoke through the midst of his mouthful. "I have to catch up before I go to the camps again. I'll be down there for about a week in a few days."

"You don't need to apologise for that. Your presence wasn't missed," I added on in cheek, to which the general rose a mocking brow that challenged my accusation. I shrugged with as much innocence as I could conjure. "Are you behind because of our lesson today? I'm sorry if you are."

"Only a smidge," he replied with a wink. "I could catch up on it tomorrow but I'd rather just work late and get it done tonight."

I nodded and sat on the edge of the table. Cassian, true to Rhsyand's prediction, placed the plate aside and dived back into his work. I waited a few moments, wondering if I should truly try and see to him eat or dismiss it because he is a grown man after all. "I know this is probably useless to offer, but can I help you at all?"

The paper tip against the table as Cassian hung his head close to his shoulder which pointed in my direction. "Do you have the ability to set fire to things? Preferably paper so I don't have to read through this?"

"Unfortunately, my assistance is limited to retrieving more food, books or running errands."

"Well, that's just a pity. Fire powers would be cool."

I hummed in agreeance. I knew that my ability was a very sought-after gift, giving one the power to spy on another at a moment's notice, but it was not inherently something that could bring instant victory. It was not a visible gift like fire which could be harnessed and strike fear into enemies. It was a quiet gift that hid in the shadows while fire ruled in the light. It was not a colossal gathering of power and display that would forge its wielder to be the same. I am my power. I am the watcher. Not the speaker, not the fire-heart, not the source of energy. I am information and secrecy. And instead of making me dangerous, it puts me in the danger by leaving me in a vulnerable position.

"-Hey."

My chin snapped upwards from where it had drifted down to my neck.

Cassian had dismissed both his work and his food, hazel eyes pinned on me. "Were you talking to Rhys? You had that dazed look in your eye like you were in your head."

"No," I answered. "I was just thinking about tomorrow. I want to go down to see Velaris."

Cassian clicked his tongue against his teeth. "Ah. And how do you plan on getting down there? Stairs or are you going to let me fly you down now that you're talking to me?"

He was very straightforward, I had noticed in my short time around him. Where Azriel would hide, both physically and hide away his mind, Cassian had proven to be the opposite. He said what he thought and what he saw, perhaps without really thinking. I shouldn't be surprised that he was calling me out for my avoidance. Rhysand was a bit of a middle-man in that sense, but he would have to be, to be High Lord. He was careful with his words, as all diplomats are, but he was never one to hide away his true intentions. A dynamic trio. The quiet, the thinker, and the heart-bearer. I likened myself to Rhysand a little, in some way. I was not all that quiet when I was comfortable, but still I was always careful about what I said and the way I said it.

"Actually-" I lengthened my own wings, "-I thought it was 'bout time I flew myself down."

Cassian squinted and leaned forward enough that I felt the need to lean away from his peering eyes. "Are you sure? I think I see a little scratch there." He pointed to a scar that was still forming. "You don't want to undo Madja's hard work, do you?"

"Don't try and pull that on me," I huffed. "I've already heard tales about you flying well before you've been fully healed. I think a healing scratch no longer than my little finger will hardly be the undoing of weeks' recovery."

I would be a tomato between two fingers if I let myself go back into his hold. Ripe and ready to be turned to juice at any moment.

"I'm all but tossing excuses for you to throw yourself into my arms and you are disregarding them like kitchen scraps," he bellowed in a laugh. "Oh, don't tell me you've already taken Rhys' offer. I thought I outdid him with the feast."

"No," I chuckled. "And even if he had offered, I would not have taken it. I don't desire to be in either of your arms. What's the point of having wings if I cannot use them?"

"Alright, then I'll come with you and just fly you back up. I'm sure you'll be tired after all that walking around."

"No, please Cassian. I'm fine going alone."

"Come on, I'm the best looking one of all three of us."

"That has nothing to do with my ability to fly."

I was stiff now, almost about to scream for Rhysand in my mind even though I knew there was no connection there. Cassian laughs, the rumbling sound resonating from the depth of his throat. "I'm teasing you," he chuckled, turning back to his work. Bit by bit, my muscles relaxed themselves. "But I can come down if you'd like a tour guide. I'm already working so I could get some of tomorrow's done tonight."

I shook my head and refolded my now loose hands. "Thank you, but I'd like to go by myself. And I think you deserve at least a few hours sleep."

"Sleep is for the weak."

"Which is what you will become if you do not. Eat. Then sleep."

"You're already bossing me around now. Didn't know you were so pushy."

"You don't know anything about me."

Cassian nodded his head from side to side in reluctant agreeance. He looked at me – truly looked at me and I had to reassure myself that I was not wearing one of those dresses where my skin would be on plain display for him. "I want to get to know you." The way he said it sent a squeezing sensation from between my ribs and into the depths of my stomach which twisted and clenched. "You look like I've said something insane."

I had seconds to gather myself and form a response, but my mouth did not work with the command of my brain. "I... Sorry, I was just thinking about something." Way to deflect acknowledging anything. "I should let you work. Anything terrible that I should know about?"

Cassian tossed his head, black strands dripping in front of his eyes that I imagined brushing away. "Nothing new. Yalhalla is getting riled though. Don't know what about yet but word is, they're were attacked by another camp a few weeks ago. I need to go down there myself and figure it out."

Yalhalla. I tried to give away no recognition of the name, even though it would not be a surprise to Cassian if I did. I gave a meek hum of acknowledgement then gave my leave and escaped the study. I stopped, just outside of the door and peeked back through the crack that I had yet to close. I saw an invisible string between us. It was transparent, glowing a soft blue hue. I shut the door with a little more force than necessary, but the string disappeared.

I fled to my room, curling up in the sea of blankets and pillows. They would find out. Or at least, find out part of everything. My escape here in Verlaris was to run from the consequences of what I had brought upon myself, but it was stupid and naïve to think that the High Lord and his court would not be aware of the happenings in their territory.

Would they send me back? It would be demanded. I hadn't asked Rhysand about anything to do with how involved they become when it comes to camp customs. It wasn't even the custom that terrified me. I had been living with it since I was fourteen and first bled. I had found a mindset that I knew would handle everything. But that was before I went into that other camp and got caught.

I struggled to even fall asleep that night. Usually it was falling asleep that was easy and staying asleep that proved difficult, but I couldn't close my eyes at all. There was just a pit of anxiousness in my stomach that continued to churn around, refusing to settle enough that I could empty my mind enough to sleep. I tried falling asleep to other thoughts, but they kept disappearing and being replaced with other images.

I did fall asleep at one stage. I wish I hadn't. The nightmare was fuelled by my most recent thoughts. I was asleep for hours, but it felt no more than a few minutes of rest. I'd woken in a frenzy, sheets kicked down around my ankles, knotting around and trapping them until I was able to kick them off. I knew I head yelled at one stage, but it mustn't have been loud or long as no-one in the House of Wind, which I knew was just the two Illyrians – Rhysand in his townhouse – came knocking.

In the morn, earlier than the sun's awakening, I pulled on a fresh set of pants and a shirt, rubbing my eyes with the balls of my palms. I tried to push away the images that stained my head, replacing it with excitement that I would finally see the city of Velaris with eyes from within, rather than above.

I had no money to spend down there, but the sights would be prize enough. I could ask Rhysand if there are any servant jobs I could take up for some pay. Just enough to buy a few things here and there. With food and shelter already provided, I could afford to save up.

Before I left the chamber, my eyes faded to their unnatural white. I searched the House of Wind, looking for the largest Illyrian. I found him, on the rooftop of all places. I could not tell what he was doing, but I knew it would be best to see him with my own eyes so I could put to rest the image that my head repainted every time I washed it away. And maybe – just maybe, ask that he came down to Velaris if he had the spare time later.

I ventured towards the stairs that would lead to the rooftop. There was a sharp pounding noise, followed by equally as sharp breaths. It slowed my pace but I kept pressing up the stairs, wholly curious about the activities of the general.

I wish I hadn't.

Cassian stood near a dummy made from a wooden stem and compounded wooden shavings held in by a sturdy woven sack and tie. His shirt, which was worn when I checked for his location, was strewn on the ground where a pile of weapons lay neatly in preparation to be used. It was training – I was barely oblivious to that.

But it was who was training. His muscles gleaned under the rising sun which kissed his tanned skin. I wholly wish I could admire them at that moment, but instead I was overcome with envisioning each punch that was sent to that dummy, was to me instead. The world in front of me melded with my dream that had me screaming underneath him as his knuckles fell down on my face between insults of my weak loyalty and strength.

I stood deathly still on that rooftop, only wincing with each punch that resonated in my ear. It was as though the thing I truly feared in coming here was becoming true before my very eyes. Gone was the kind man that I had spent most of my day with yesterday, and there was the general – the strongest Illyrian to have ever been born, doing exactly what he had been trained to do. And I was risking that wrath being pinpointed on me.

My mouth fell apart, but there was nothing to say. I turned and nearly hurled myself down the stairs. Caught up in the visions of my dream, the figure in front of me went unnoticed until my nose crashed into his chest.

"Annika?"

I shot my head back, clenching my eyes as the stinging in my nose grew. I had only heard that voice a very few amount of times, but I would distinguish it even in a hoard of shouting Fae. My eyes flung back open as two hands gripped the undersides of my biceps.

Azriel stood over me, his own neck pulled back. His eyes were uncertain and cautious, flickering between mine and my body. I shoved his hands off of me with the side of my forearms and brushed past him into the corridor.

"Are you alright?!"

The words were lost on my ears before I could reply. I swept through the house, finding my way to the closest open balcony. The sun greeted me into its warmth. I spread my wings out as far as they could stretch and climbed onto the balcony's barrier. I was free. I could fly. I was safe. I let myself fall forward.