Chapter 9

My legs were comfortably curled underneath me on an armchair of a deep red, thickly cushioned. A mug of melted chocolate and milk warmed the palms I held it between. The rim of the mug's bottom was beginning to burn my leg through the trousers, but I was too comfortable to move it to a new spot. A light fire burned in a small, black marble hearth, and though it was not cold, it cemented the cosy atmosphere.

"You looked like you're a ball," Rhysand sang, leaning against the wall to the right of the hearth. He too had a mug with a small trail of steam rising. There were bookshelves along every wall, and I wonder what stories they told. "You don't have to hide away here."

"I know," I smiled to him. "I just like the comfort of being held together. It makes me feel...safe." My wings flexed and relaxed even further, sinking down around the arms of the chair, curving around my arms and legs. "Do the others know I am here."

Rhysand nodded and sauntered towards the other armchair, sinking into its depths. "Yes. I was going to create an excuse, but I don't think even I would have fooled them." His head rested onto his curled knuckles, elbow dug deep into the arm of the chair. "You are alright, aren't you?"

I blew on the steaming milk and nodded. "I already told you that I am." I went to take a sip but it was still too hot. "I know that I might seem weak, but I'm not. I just know how to survive the people I've been dealt with and it meant that I had to be careful. That I couldn't be outwardly strong because they would see that and crush it. They would crush me." Rhysand lifted his chin; an encouragement for me to speak freely. "Most of the women, especially those who lose their wings. They are strong in mind. And they don't learn how to hide it. They want to show the camp lords that they are more than the animals that they treat us as. It is a mistake that costs them. I don't blame them, I truly don't." My eyes stung with tears, pupils pinned on the flame of the fire and I continued to speak, ignoring that I even had any ears listening. "I used to have a brother. He was amazing. And I used to be a cheeky child. I always taunted him. Mucked around and got in trouble. When my powers began to reveal themselves I was the prized possession and I hated it. I defied them every chance that I got. I refused to do their bidding, refused to bow down to them. They knew my wings would be better on my back than burned as they would have been. Cut from my back. So they took the thing that meant just as much to me. They took my brother."

I faced the High Lord whose smile was lost, replaced with something far grimmer, and even dark.

"I learnt that day, that though my wings are important to me, there are other things that can be taken that hurt for far longer. I would give up my wings to have my brother back. They seem so worthless compared to his life. But he is gone, so I treasure them. I refused to become close with anyone so they could never use someone against me again. I'm not afraid of that anymore. I know that you can all handle yourselves. I learnt that being vigilant but quiet was the best way to survive. And that's all I've been doing. Surviving. I am afraid of Cassian because I do not know how to survive him. I do not know what sets off his anger, I do not know how I could escape him if he attacked me. They used him as a threat - a power beyond their own. I saw him that morning training. And that's all I saw. His power. He makes me feel weak when I want to be strong."

"And Azriel?" Rhysand questioned, his voice barely at a whisper. "Myself?"

My lips pulled into a mournful line. "Azriel's reputation precedes him. I've been in that position. Tied up in a cell, waiting for someone to come in and do their best to pry information from me. And every time, I would imagine that it would be the day that the shadowsinger came for me. Of course, I was never that important that your esteemed spymaster would have need of me. But when you're sitting there, your mind wanders, and you wonder what it is that he does that makes him so efficient at his job."

"You will never have to find out." I stared at the High Lord. "That is a promise that I make you."

"I think if I am to be a part of this court, I will. Just not on the receiving end. As for you, well there are so many stories that I am still figuring out which are real. Many fear you. Some hate you. Others respect you on a foundational level. Others would not care as they don't see how you change their lives at all."

"And you? What do you think of me?"

I smiled, trying the hot milk again. "You are skilled at reading me, Rhysand. I don't think I need to tell you anything. Daemati or otherwise."

There was an amused huff. Rhysand tipped his head forward, violet eyes piercing through the dimmed light. He raised his mug in a mock toast. "A useful talent as a High Lord." We sipped our drinks in unison. Rhysand gave a sad lift of his lips and placed his drink aside. "I know it does not mean much coming from me, but Cassian is a good man. One of the best I have ever met and if he ever laid a hand on you there would be no other explanation than another daemati controlling him. He protects those who cannot protect themselves."

"And I believe you," I husked. "But my instincts still tell me that I don't know anything about him. I don't know his mind. There are two sides to him, and I've seen both. I haven't yet come to terms that I'm seeing the true one. But I promise that I will handle myself. That my issues with members of your court are my burden to bear. I've already told you that I like Cassian and I truly want to be his friend. And Azriel's, if he even has such a thing." I got a small chuckle from him that I matched. "And yours, Morrigan's, Amren's. Please don't mistake me coming down to Velaris alone as trying to run away from you all. My wings are perfectly fine and if I truly wished to, I would fly right away. I doubt I would get far, but I would try."

We lapsed into another round of soft laughter. I thought that our conversation would die out naturally there, and I was content with what I had revealed of my inner thinking. But Rhysand asked something that I didn't know the answer to.

"Why Cassian? Why is it him and not me or Azriel, or even Mor as she can be a frightful woman on the wrong day? What is it about him that makes you so guarded? You wished for me to be the one to teach you about Prythian. You do not run from me, and you even let me touch you today. Granted you have spent more time with me, but it is not enough that one would notice unless they had been keeping track."

"And you have?" I bared a meek smirk but it was lost as I shook my head and turned my gaze to my lap. "I...don't know. Everything about him is just more. I feel his presence more. He weighs more on my mind. He is like a pulsating light in the middle of a stormy sea. I just don't know whether to follow it or not."

Rhysand spends a long time afterwards in thought. I wished I could see inside his head, but alas, that was not my granted gift. We parted for the night after I was led to a modest room. It was smaller than the chambers in the House of Wind, but it was exactly what I needed. A place to curl with tight walls around me. The sky was the place for freedom and space.

I awoke in the morning to his voice in my head that told me I was free to sleep in but with the house empty, Rhysand having left it shortly before speaking, I desired to explore it at my own will. I dressed into the same clothes as the day prior. My first point of interest was Rhysand's room. I hadn't been inside the room he slept at in the House of Wind. I was honestly surprised to find the door unlocked. I almost snorted when I peeked inside. It was exactly how I imagined it. Decked in dark colours, with polished woods and wide windows that had an astounding view of the city. I closed the door so my scent wouldn't linger inside. I wandered through the halls next, finding another bedroom decked in cream colours. This one had a view over the townhouses' courtyard. It was beautiful, but I was glad I was not placed in it.

I was still in the upper halls when I heard the door opening. I paused, waiting for Rhysand's call but there was nothing but the softest of footsteps. I went down to investigate and found Azriel peering into the rooms.

"Annika," he greeted, eyes trailing me as I came down the stairs. "How are you?"

"Rested, and a little hungry since I haven't had breakfast yet," I answered in hopes of drawing a smile from him. I was unsuccessful but pressed in my attempts. "I apologise for yesterday. I was distracted. I did not mean to ignore you."

Azriel slow shook his head. "There is nothing to apologise for. Do you know where Rhysand is?"

"Getting breakfast," I sighed, folding my arms over my stomach. "He shouldn't be too far off. It is urgent? I could search for him if you'd like?"

"No, I can wait."

"I would offer you something to eat while you do so, but..." I trailed off at Azriel's flat stare. "I'm sure you know how to make yourself at home." I left his company and retreated back upstairs, only looking back once as I crawled up the stairs. Azriel was wandering towards the room with the hearth. I pulled out the book I had stolen from Rhysand's bookshelf and let it devour me. I did not hear Rhysand return, but I sure smelt the delicious scent of fresh scones that wafted through the townhouse. Partially closing the book about the history of the Night Court, I lifted my nose and listened for noise coming downstairs before realising that I had a much better advantage.

My eyes washed over white and the ground floor of the townhouse appeared in front of me. I only wished to know if I was safe in going down to quell my hunger driven stomach, not wanting to disturb any privacy that Azriel sought with his High Lord.

"- And there is news," I caught Azriel saying, "that Yalhalla is preparing an uprising. Cassian suspected that they were gathering forces but he believed it to be to reconcile their strength after they were attacked a few weeks ago."

"And this concerns us?" Rhysand questioned grimly.

Azriel gave a hesitant nod. "They seemed to be angered by something. Or someone."

I was about to hear Rhysand's answer when I felt my body, which was safely tucked away in my chamber, being roused. The white over my eyes vanished and was replaced with their normal brown. A large shadow – no, an Illyrian – stood over me. I screamed from pure shock and flung myself away, landing with a heavy thud on the floor.

"Mother," Cassian hissed, scrambling around the bed frame.

"Annika?!"

Rhysand's voice thundered from downstairs, soon followed by heavy steps up the stairs. I held my arms out, flustered and rather embarrassed at being frightened so easily. But he had appeared out of nowhere. I hadn't even heard him come in. Just as Cassian stood over me, Rhysand, tailed by Azriel stormed into the chamber. "Cassian, step away," he ordered.

"No," I breathed out, using the wall to push myself back up as Cassian looked between me and his High Lord, stunned if anything. "No," I repeated. "It's not his fault. Well, it is, but I just got a scare. Didn't hear him come in is all."

Rhysand's violet eyes turned to Cassian, seeming to await his excuse. Cassian waved at his eyes. "She was doing her thingy," is what he came up with. "I just came to speak with her."

The High Lord's shoulders slumped and gave a short nod. "Breakfast is downstairs," he said to me. "Just follow your nose." I nodded and smiled in thanks, passing by all three Illyrians and leaving them in my chamber to seek out the food and solidarity it would bring. I heard mutters of words spoken upstairs but the fright I received from snooping on them before was enough to deter me from trying again.

Yalhalla. I knew exactly why. The camp was driven by someone thirsty for bloodshed. A thirst that I only aggravated. I just hoped that their rising would not pose any real threat.

Once I was near finished, the three men came down, Rhysand leading them with a smile on his face. "Amren has returned. You can meet her when you are ready."

"From words I've heard spoken about her, I'm not sure that day will ever come," I replied in a meek, but uplifted tone.

Cassian chuckled and rested against the bench of the kitchen counter. "I wish I could offer you words of comfort," he said to me with a warm, deep grit in his voice, "but there is nothing comforting about that woman."

"No," Rhysand agreed, carefully surveying his kitchen. "Azriel and I are going to meet her at the House of Wind now. You may stay here as long as you need," he said to me, then turned his eyes to Cassian. "Careful brother."

The two Illyrians left, leaving me with the General alone in Rhysand's kitchen.

Heyo! Thank you for feedback! To address the question of when this is set, just sometime between the two wars. I haven't decided yet if this will go into the story of Amarantha and then Feyre so there's no set 'date' of how far off it is atm. Depends how big of an arc this story will be on its own.