Chapter 2

Upon returning home, Double Dee immediately locked and deadbolted the front door. The day had been quite hectic for the ski-capped adolescent. Between the gravy incident and the blemish on his previously stellar record, all Double Dee wanted on this birthday was to finish his homework and go to sleep. Accordingly, Double Dee went to the kitchen to do some algebra homework. After opening his textbook to the day's lesson, the intelligent Ed boy went to the refrigerator for a glass of milk.

Upon reaching the cooling appliance, Double Dee spotted a note underneath the request to mop the floor. It read:

Eddward,

Please look in the refrigerator.

Love,

Mother and Father

"Strange," the intelligent Ed boy said to himself. "I suppose the light has gone out again!"

Opening the refrigerator door, Double Dee saw the light working as intended. Much to his surprise, however, Double Dee found his mother's apple crumble pie, along with a box emblazoned with the words "McKenzie's Pastry Shoppes-You Taste the Difference!" occupying the middle shelf. Upon the box was yet another note. This one read:

Happy Birthday Eddward!

We will be home in time to share this special day with you!

Love,

Mother and Father

Opening the McKenzie's box, Double Dee found a beautiful chocolate almond cake. Delighted, the boy returned to his math homework, happily anticipating his parents' return.

Meanwhile, at the house on 228 Rethink Avenue, the middle Kanker sister was preparing for her boyfriend's party. Marie was currently in the upstairs bathroom (having showered and changed into suitable clothes), observing herself in the mirror. The black-haired beauty's party attire consisted of a dark red dress, a black belt around her waist. Her legs were covered in black stockings, and a pair of brown knee-length high-heeled boots adorned her feet. Across her neck was the gold "Annemarie" bracelet Double Dee had given her. Additionally, Marie was in the process of applying a shade of lipstick that matched her dress, as well as spraying herself liberally with Crankshaft Number 5. After her makeup was applied, Marie blew a kiss in front of the mirror, pretending it was her beloved "Oven Mitt."

As Marie continued to admire her looks, she was distracted by a series of loud knocks on the bathroom door.

"Yo, Marie, did you drown in there or what!" Lee yelled on the other side of the door.

"Hold your horses, Lee!" Marie snarled.

"Marie, I have to tinkle!" May protested.

Marie rolled her eyes, after which she opened the door. Lee and May's eyes widened upon seeing their sister all dolled up. Seeing the bathroom free, May ran in to take care of her business.

"Wow, Marie, you sure know how to clean up!" Lee complimented.

"Thanks, Lee!" Marie smiled. "I wanted to look nice for my Cutie Pie on his birthday! You and May go on without me-I need to get Double Dee's present!"

As Lee and May began their journey to Double Dee's house, Marie went to her room to check on her gift to her boyfriend. The gift itself was a brand new microscope, having arrived via Peach Creek Express earlier in the day. Along with the microscope, Marie had included a card, the contents of which read:

Happy birthday Dreamboat!

Love Always,

Annemarie Eve XOXO

Marie ran her fingers through her hair, realizing she wanted her flower barrette to complete her ensemble. The girl opened her closet, realizing to her dismay that she could not find it.

"Damn it...May probably 'borrowed' my flower barrette for her 'Big Ed!" Marie complained, rolling her eyes.

As Marie rummaged through May's side of the closet, a piece of paper fell from the shelf onto the floor. Seeing the slip of paper, Marie bent down to pick it up. A picture of Double Dee graced the top of the sheet of paper. Marie's eyes widened as she read the contents:

To My Sweet Lambchop,

Won't you be my Valentine?

XOXO

Love, May

After reading these words, Marie's face turned bright red, the veins in her neck bulging. Blood throbbed visibly at the girl's temples. Enraged, Marie tore up the card she had made for Double Dee.

"That BITCH!" Marie shouted. "That two-timing jackass!"

Following this, Marie took a deep breath, after which she let out a scream so powerful, it would have measured on the Richter scale. After her tirade, Marie grabbed the microscope (as if she were strangling May's and Double Dee's necks!), and stomped all the way to her boyfriend's house.

Back at Double Dee's house, the boy was completely engrossed in his studies. While solving a particularly difficult equation, he heard a knock on his front door. Thinking it was Marie arriving to bring him his gift, Double Dee happily rushed to the door. However, when the boy peeped out the peep hole, his eyes met with an unpleasant surprise. Through the fish-eye lens, Double Dee could see all his Rethink Avenue friends. Eddy stood at the front of the door in his disco suit and sunglasses, a sly grin on his face. Sighing exasperatedly, Double Dee unlocked and opened the door.

"Hey, Double Dee!" Eddy enthusiastically greeted his friend. "It's party time! Come on, everybody!"

Following Eddy's directive, all the kids on Rethink Avenue filed into Double Dee's house: Eddy, Ed, Lee, May, Kevin, Nazz, Jonny and Plank, Rolf, Sarah and Jimmy noisily entered. All (except Eddy) brought food, soft drinks, paper plates and plastic cups.

Making his way to the kitchen, Eddy saw Double Dee's homework on the counter.

"Algebra?!" Eddy exclaimed. "Come on, Double Dee!"

The stout Ed boy shoved his intelligent boy's study materials off the counter.

"Eddy!" Double Dee protested. "That assignment is worth forty percent of my grade!"

Ignoring his friend, Eddy signaled his friends to put their wares on the counter and kitchen table. Lee and May brought a platter of Kanker burgers, while Rolf brought a strange, indescribable concoction, with a still-moving tentacle. The other kids, meanwhile, laid out the drinks: Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper and Sprite. Upon seeing the spread, a look of annoyance crossed Eddy's face.

"What?! No one brought any dessert?" the stout Ed boy exclaimed incredulously.

Eddy decided to look in the refrigerator. Upon seeing the middle shelf, the boy's eyes lit up.

"Hey everybody!" Eddy shouted. "Look what I found-apple crumble pie and something from McKenzie's!"

"McKenzie's!" Ed jovially called out. "Yum Yum Yum!"

"I LOVE McKenzie's!" May exclaimed. "Our mom used to bring their stuff to the trailer when she catered from there. Their pound cake is to die for!"

"What's in the box, Dorky?" Kevin inquired.

"Who cares!" May countered. "As long as it's from McKenzie's!"

Eddy opened the box, after which his eyes lit up again. The boy held up the cake for all to see.

"Who's up for some chocolate cake!" Eddy exulted.

Double Dee rushed over to Eddy and put his foot down.

"Eddy Skipper McGee!" the intelligent Ed boy yelled out. "Put that cake down right now! I want you and our friends to vacate my residence at once! These desserts are to be shared among myself and my parents!"

Eddy winced at hearing his middle name spoken out loud. Nevertheless, he retained his party-hearty nature.

"Get real, Sockhead!" Eddy blustered. "We ain't leaving until we've partied like it's 1999!"

Double Dee let out a deep sigh. Looking at his friends' eager expressions, he knew there was no escape.

"Fine," Double Dee groaned. "But I insist everyone use coasters to set their drinks! And the two desserts are off-limits!"

After a groan sounded from the attendees, Eddy made his way to the stereo in Double Dee's living room. Cranking the volume all the way up, Eddy inserted one of his "party music" compilations onto the record player . After starting up, the speakers proceeded to blast out a familiar tune: "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang.

With that, the kids commenced dancing, eating, drinking and talking amongst themselves for about an hour. To Double Dee's chagrin, everyone was leaving scuff marks on the previously clean floor with their dancing, as well as carelessly eating on the floor without using plates and waving their drinks around, spilling the contents therein. Every time a crumb or drop fell on the floor, Double Dee adopted a horrified expression.

Nazz, seeing the intelligent Ed boy's nervousness, approached her friend.

"Come on, Double Dee, loosen up!" the ditzy girl encouraged the boy. "Let's boogie!"

Nazz took Double Dee's hands and danced with the boy. Unfortunately, this only made Double Dee even more nervous. All the boy could think was, I hope Marie doesn't see me! Just then, the music suddenly stopped.

The front door kicked open, revealing none other than a very angry Marie. The girl stomped into the kitchen, her microscope in hand, the heels of her boots clicking loudly with each step.

Nazz and Double Dee immediately separated, the blonde girl trying to placate her black-haired friend.

"Marie!" Nazz began. "Double Dee was just nervous-"

Marie ignored Nazz and glared at Double Dee. Upon reaching her boyfriend, Marie pulled out May's valentine and shoved it in the boy's face.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Marie shouted.

The room was absolutely silent. Double Dee began sweating and stammering profusely.

"I...Marie...I honestly don't know what this is!" the boy stuttered.

"Oh, that's from when me and Double Dee were together on Valentine's Day!" May chimed in.

Marie turned to her sister. Seeing the chocolate cake on the table, Marie took it in her hands.

"Here, why don't you have Double Dee's cake and eat it too, boyfriend-stealing bitch!" Marie yelled, after which she shoved the entire cake into May's face.

"May!" everyone yelled in unison.

"Annemarie Eve Kanker!" Lee shouted. "What the hell is the matter with you!"

"Stay the fuck out of this, Lee!" Marie screamed, after which she turned her attention to Double Dee.

"And you...here's your present, jerk!" the angry girl shouted, slamming the microscope over Double Dee's head as hard as she could. So great was the force that Double Dee's head temporarily disappeared, replaced by the microscope.

"Double Dee!" his friends all shouted. Ed and Eddy rushed over to help their pal. The boys tugged at the microscope with all their might. With some help from Rolf and Kevin, the microscope finally popped out and Double Dee's head popped back in its normal place. "E=MC2" and other formulae spun around Double Dee's head.

Seeing Marie make her exit, Double Dee cleared his head, got up and ran after her.

"Marie, please wait!" Double Dee pleaded.

"Go to hell, Zitface!" Marie yelled as she opened the door.

"Just give me a chance to-" Double Dee was not able to finish his sentence before Marie slammed the door in front of him, causing his head to go through the door.

"-explain." the boy concluded weakly.

Everyone had gathered around Double Dee, stunned by what they had just witnessed.

"What the hell was that?!" Eddy asked.

"Awk-ward," Kevin commented.

"Hell hath no fury like a Kanker scorned," Jimmy remarked.

Just then, a pair of headlights could be seen approaching the driveway. It was Double Dee's parents, home at last to spend time with their son.

"Cheez-it!" Eddy yelled. "It's the grown-ups-everybody amscray!"

Immediately the kids departed, leaving Double Dee to explain to his parents the hole in the front door and the mess in the kitchen.