I do not own Oregairu or its characters. Those all belong to their respectful owners.

Date: XX-XX-XXXX
Hachiman Hikigaya

Chapter one.

I, Hachiman Hikigaya, am a man who is considered an enigma, a leper, even I would say.

Of course, this is all because of my own actions. I used to chose to walk the loner path after all. I have since grown, but old habits don't die after all, and my reputation has yet to fully recover from the actions my former path has caused.

I doubt I would be mister popular even if my ancient deeds were erased from memory and time. I never held the air of someone bred to be popular in school or a workplace. I might have held dreams to be when I was younger, I will admit, but those dreams have been buried deep in the sands of my mind.

It didn't help my eyes scared off any chance I had of rising up the social ranks.

So why the sudden thought of my social standing? Well, you see, someone of my station is considered to be below average. A mere peasant. Yet throughout my recent years, I have been surrounded by the higher class. Those that are considered to be above me in every sense of the world. Royalty compared to me.

So why was I being let into the presence of such royalty? That is the question of mine.

I dated the youngest daughter of one of the most powerful families in modern Japan and went to school with the heir of a family I despise with my whole being. I am currently sitting before the oldest of the youngest daughter I dated. The heir to their family even, yet why was I surrounded by such people? Why was I allowed to so much as see in their lives?

Let alone be locked in a kiss with the subsequent queen?

A kiss I might have wanted, or most feared. I am still uncertain. My heart seems to jump at the thought of more kisses, more moments shared between us. At lunch, an old arcade, or maybe even someplace else. That queen was always surprising; I would never know where it would happen next. Yet my heart and soul would hunger for more.

My mind would beg me to push her away. The queen's family already was wary of me courting their youngest daughter, but their oldest, their heir to the throne. I might as well prepare for my execution. I don't even want to imagine what she would think when she found out. Would their youngest show me mercy? I doubt it. I know her all too well. She would be the one to wield the knife, to pull the trigger. I would perish at her hand.

Mind versus heart. The old battle of emotions dating millennia.

I don't know what to follow, but I think my heart wants to learn more. My mind also agrees. I just wish she wouldn't have pushed me out of her vehicle and sped off. I wish she would have said anything to me.

I wish to know why her lips tasted like vanilla.

I sighed as I saved my assignment and prepared to send it to my professor for this month. He might cite me for making myself a character in my own fictional story, but he didn't need to know how far from fake my account really was.

As I shut the laptop down, my mind was racing. Today was an absolute rollercoaster, or maybe a train wreck would be more appropriate. My heart keeps pounding and jumping around my chest cavity at the memory of today, but my head aches, trying to unfold what might have gone right and wrong. Why I was so suddenly kissed like a lover in a light romance novel, then suddenly thrown from the vehicle like a side character in a GTA game.

It was already 12:49 AM, well past my desired bedtime. My eyes were heavy and dry from staring at my computer screen. I will admit it took me far longer to write all that down than it should have. I was never good at sharing my feelings with anyone, but it was a bit easier under the ruse of a story. And it killed two birds with one stone, as my chapter for this month is done and submitted.

Yet writing my feelings down didn't help ease the questions burning in my body. I needed someone to talk to.

My phone screen irritated my already tired eyes, but I scanned through my contacts slowly. Komachi, no, I can't bother her this late. Yuigahama, as if I can tell her all this embarrassing stuff! Yukinoshita... No, just no.
Haruno. I can't talk to the person in question I need to talk about! That leaves only one person.

I clicked on their contact and slowly typed out a message.
Sender: Hachiman
"Yo, are you awake binge drinking again?"

The smirk was automatic as I put my phone down and stood from my kitchen table. The small kitchen was only lit with a small night light on the far wall I plugged in for when I need a cup of water in the night and don't wish to blind myself with the lights above.

I got myself a paper cup from the stack I kept on the counter and poured myself a cup of water from the sink. I believed the water here to be safe for consumption, and I haven't died from it yet, so. It was then that my phone buzzed on the table. I gulped down my drink and tossed the cup in the trash as I retrieved my phone.

Sender: Shizuka sensei
"Listen here, you little shit, I was not drinking!"

I chuckled as my fingers typed out a response; sometimes, it was too easy to rile her up.

Sender: Hachiman
"Was being the keyword there?"

Sender: Shizuka sensei
"You sure talk a big game for someone who cowers when I glare at you!"

Sender: Hachiman
"That is because you like to punch! No one else does that but you!"

I wasn't at all surprised when my phone began to vibrate wildly in my hands as seemingly hundreds of angry face text messages arrived from my former sensei, and then the contact photo of the Aston Martin logo lighting up my screen as she called me.

"Yo," I answered as deadpan as possible.

"Hikigaya, do you mind explaining why you chose to get me all frustrated so late into the night?" Her tone came across as stiff over the phone, but I knew her better than that.

"Yeah, that sounds wrong and inappropriate when you say it like that, sensei-"

"I'm hanging up,"

"Okay, okay, don't hang up. I needed someone to talk to!" I hastily explained, so she didn't end the call.

The line was silent for a moment, and I began to wonder if she hung up anyway; then, I heard a soft clink of something being moved around as her voice came back.
"Alright, Hikigaya, you made me shut off the newest episode of One Piece for you, so spit out what you need."

A soft breath of relief passed past my lips, and I explained my inner turmoil and the events that unfolded earlier. Sensei was silent through the whole explanation, even stifling some chuckles and snorts when I was explaining the events of the arcade. Yet she remained silent until I finished with, "I just don't understand what is going on, I don't understand Haruno's motives for that kiss and then suddenly ditching me".

Sensei made a noise of acknowledgment as I imagined her leaning back on her couch in thought. "Are you perhaps reading too much into this Hikigaya?" She asked suddenly.

"Huh?" My voice and brain said at the same time.

"Are you reading into this too much?"

"How so?" I asked dumbly, not entirely understanding what she was getting at.

I could hear the eye-roll in her tone as she explained, "What you described to me sounds like a girl trying to subtly hint at a date and making a move, then being scared at the jump she took, and hastily retreated to rethink and avoid rejection."

I was silent as I digested her explanation. A date? Making a move? Haruno?
"But, where did this all come from?"

A sigh was heard over the line, "Really, Hachiman. You guys have been having lunch together once a month for how long? She texts you, calls you often, hasn't asked for anything until today. I am pretty sure you can get where this all came from."

"But, why me? I am just a nobody she used to toy with! I dated her younger sister!"

"Yeah, and you guys broke up. You are a single man, and she is a single woman. You don't think she has done all this to just get some favour out of you?"

I was silent as I replayed her words over and over. Did I have an insecure fear she wanted to use me?

"Hachiman?" Sensei asked once. I didn't answer.

"Y-yeah, sorry was in thought," I admitted and rubbed the bridge of my nose with a tired sigh.

"I think you need to admit to yourself that you aren't so below everyone that she or anyone would ignore your existence or abuse it either. I thought you were past this self-deprecation?"

The wince was on instinct as memories of long nights spent talking to sensei about myself flashed through my mind. "You know it's hard sometimes," I sighed.

"I know," she whispered through the phone, and we were silent a moment before she said, "What do you feel for Haruno?"

"Intimidated. She is the eldest daughter of-"

"No, not the Yukinoshita side of her. I asked you what you felt for Haruno."

I gulped down the invisible bile in my throat, "What do I feel for Haruno?"

The line was quiet, and I knew sensei was waiting for my answer. I ran through every memory of Haruno I could possibly remember. From the day I met her at the mall so many years ago to the days when she would seemingly show up to ruin my sister and my day, then to the first lunch, we had. Then today.

I felt an attraction to her, of course. She is gorgeous. Every Yukinoshita woman is. But I was supposed to cast aside the Yukinoshita side of her.

So without that, she was... something else.
She was more than just an intimidating and influential woman from the Yukinoshita family. She was a girl trying to be expected. She discussed an in-depth love for anime and manga, played video games and knew all sorts of pop culture. She was an ordinary girl. A gorgeous ordinary woman was way too bright and lippy for her own good when the situation called for it.

She was someone who I have grown close to but was hesitant at further actions. This beating in my heart and the uncertainty in my mind clarified what I felt for her.

"I do have feelings for her. I don't know if I would call it anything like...l-love or anything like that," I finally admitted into the phone after a minute of debate.

Sensei, for her part, waited patiently as I debated before saying, "Then I think you should text her and give her some indication you replicate these feelings in some way. Just to ease her heart a little. I am sure she is overthinking it even worse than you are,"

I snorted, "Haruno Yukinoshita overthinking?"

Sensei huffed a laugh, "Just Haruno remember, and you seem to forget I was her teacher and counsellor at one point too."

Oh yeah, she was, wasn't she? That is a point I generally tend to forget.

"So what should I say, "Hey, I like you," that sounds kind of lame, doesn't it?" I asked as I began to run through ideas on what to say.

Sensei laughed, "That is something to figure out for yourself. But make it memorable, eh?"

That was the end of our conversation, and I was left alone with thoughts on what to send Haruno.

Every idea I had, I would scoff or cringe at. Why was this so difficult?

As I made my way from the kitchen to my bedroom, something simple popped into my mind. It was straightforward, and it would be memorable, or at least I thought so. So as I prepared to crawl into bed and die from embarrassment, I began to type out my message to her. Once it was typed, I put my phone on silent and quickly threw it on the bedside table as I pretended I didn't send that.

I eventually felt the fatigue begin to take me, and my anxiety about the message sent was long forgotten to sleep.

Sender: Hachiman.
"Why did your lips taste like vanilla? Can I have another taste to try and figure it out?"

Hey everyone, I am back! I am so sorry for the massive delay and the lack of length of this chapter.

My life got hectic, and I had to have an emergency operation done, then I had family visit from another province, and now my wrist is acting up from my illness. So safe to say, this chapter was written with a hurt wrist, so if it isn't the same as usual, that is why. So if anyone sees any spelling errors, please point them out for me!

I will try to get back to writing more regularly once my wrist is feeling normal again. I am sorry again for the delay!