My thought when I woke up this morning was that tomorrow was Lexie's birthday. And it wasn't a, 'Omg, tomorrow's my sisters 31st birthday! I can't wait!' it was more 'oh shoot, tomorrow's my dead sisters birthday, another birthday she isn't here for because she died 4 years ago and I didn't say goodbye' kind of thought. It sucked.

The kids were spending the day with Maggie, per her request. So I was supposed to be spending the day with Alex. But I really just didn't want to get out of bed. So when I heard Alex's voice downstairs, I didn't move.

"Mer?"

"Up here."

"Come downstairs, we're going out."

"Fine."

I hawled myself out of bed, ready to give Alex a lecture on why I'm not leaving my freaking house today, but when I reached the bottom of the stairs I saw my best friend with a bunch to flowers in his hand and a massive smile. So I decided that just for today, I could forget that tomorrow's my dead sisters birthday, and just spend the day with my Alex. The one grinning at me with open arms at my front door.

"Get your ass down here and give me a hug."

So I smile back at him and wrap my arms around him.

"I miss her."

"I know you do. I do too."

"But today we are going to try and forget that. Just today. Okay?"

"That's ok with me."

As we walked down the pier, I remembered doing this with everyone a couple of years ago. With everybody I've ever wanted to be with. George, Izzie, Derek, Cristina, Lexie, even Mark. Now It's just Alex and I. He's all I have. If he left, I'm not sure I could do this. All alone.

"What's going on in that head of yours, huh?"

Alex murmured, bumping his shoulder against mine.

"I only have you."

"What?"

"Your all I have left."

He stepped in front of me, forcing me to stop walking.

"You don't just have me. You have Amelia, Maggie, you even have Jo."

"Yeah, but their not my people. There was a time in my life where the people I met stopped becoming my people. I think maybe after Cristina left? I don't know, it may have been even earlier. You are all I have left of my people."

"What about Callie and Arizona? April?"

"I guess so. But it's different. Their my village. You can't be really close to everyone in a village."

"I get that. I miss our people too. How did it get to just us?"

"I'll never know. But you better not ever leave me, okay? Seriously, I can't do this by myself Alex."

"Ditto."

We sat down on a nearby bench, staring at the world around us.

"Derek would be so mad at me."

"Why?"

"I did a little something like this when it first happened. I didn't want to do anything but work. He suddenly snapped and told me he'd also lost his little sister. I remember it so clearly now."

I sat down on our bed, exhausted after putting Zola to sleep. Derek had asked if I needed anything, but I honestly was too tired to answer. I wanted my sister to come back. To laugh with me again, tell me it's all going to be okay with that big smile of hers.

"Meredith, you need to communicate with me."

"Derek, I really don't want to do this right now."

"When do you want to then? Because it seems to me like everything revolves around you lately."

"I'm grieving Derek! I just lost my sister."

"Well you know what, I did too! I lost MY little sister. You were not the only one who lost her. The only one who misses her. Because sometimes I miss her so much I feel like I can't get up out of bed. Sometimes I don't want to go to work because I know I won't see my favourite neurosurgeon. So don't pretend I didn't lose somebody too. Because I lost her too."

It was at this moment that I saw tears in Derek's eyes. It was the first time I saw him cry since I told him she had died. I was taken aback.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I should talk more about my feelings anyway."

"No, it's not. You meant the world to her. You accepted her way before I did."

"Yeah, but your a tough nut to crack. She's persistent though. She was."

"I know you miss her. I do too."

"I don't know if I want to do this without her."

"I don't either. She was everything I could have ever hoped for and more."

"She was my little sister."

"I know."

"I didn't say goodbye."

"I know."

"He was her big brother. And I didn't let him grieve. He missed her until the day he died. I know he did."

"Yeah, that girl is hard not to miss. I still expect her to get into the car in the morning sometimes."

"She was the best out of all of us. Her and George."

"How are we they only ones standing? How are all the good ones gone?"

"I don't know Alex."

I saw Derek sitting on the sofa with Lexie and Zola as I came down the stairs. Lexie and Zola had both fallen asleep, and Derek was looking down at them both, smiling. I watched as he leaned down and whispered-

"I love my little girls. I'm going to protect you both until the day I die."

I grinned and descended the rest of the stairs.

"Your girls, huh?"

"Well your obviously my girl. But their my little girls. My little sister and my daughter. Their my pride and joy. Zola's my daughter. And Lexie is my resident and sister."

"You trained them both."

"You bet I did."

"I miss them both so much Alex. It hurts. More than it did before. Because it's been so long since I've seen them smile."

Derek stood in front of Liz and Kathleen, face furious.

"Stop pretending like you've always been here for me!"

"We are your sisters, Derek! Your little sisters!"

"LEXIE WAS MY LITTLE SISTER! Lexie was my little sister. And she's dead. So never say that again."

"When will you get over it Derek? She's been dead for 6 months!"

His head whipped around, flames in his eyes.

"Get over it? You want me to get over my little sister's death? I will never get over it Liz! She was crushed by a plane! And I promised to protect her! I didn't even get to say goodbye! She was my neuro partner. My friend. When I found out she was gone, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to hear. She was my child's godmother. She was my student . Zola will now have to grow up without her Aunt Lexie. Every time she points to Lexie in a photo, I have to explain to her that she's never coming back. It gets harder and harder to hear every time I say it. And I fear the day when she points to her and says, 'Who's that?'. Lexie would be so upset. Because Lexie was one of Zola's favourite people. Not you. Because she was there. She babysat. She played with her when we couldn't. Even when we could she would offer. So no, I will not get over my little sister's death. Get out. Get out of my house."

"Oh my god, I miss them so much Alex."

I turned to him with tears in my eyes. I had suddenly realized how long it had been since I saw the love of my life and little sister smile.

Sorry this is a bit short, I'll try and make the next one longer. Merry Christmas!