I'm so sorry it's been so long. I recently lost a friend to suicide and i've really been struggling with motivation. But I will try for you guys. Your comments mean the world to me and once again, sorry this is so short.

This chapter's a little different, it's from Derek's POV so you're not confused. I'm running out of ideas so if you have any please suggest them in the comments. Hope you like it.

Derek's POV

It had been about a week since we were picked up from the woods and a little more than a week since the initial crash. Mark was still in a coma and Mer and I still hadn't talked about what happened to Lexie. In all honesty I was glad that my hand was hurt, because I'm not sure I could go back to neuro without her.

"Mer? When are we going to talk about it? Maybe you're okay with burying this down and pretending it didn't happen, but I'm not. I'm not prepared to do that."

"Just leave me alone Derek. I don't want to do this today."

"That's exactly it! You never want to talk about it! Jesus, how are you doing this so easily? I am hurting and you're seamlessly acting like Lexie isn't dead!"

"Well maybe it's because I don't want it to be true! I don't want my sister to be dead, Derek."

"And you think I do? God, I miss her too!"

"She wasn't your sister! She was mine! My sister! And I left her to die alone!"

"You know as well as I do that Lexie was just as much as a sister to me as she was to you. And I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye! So no, your pain is not greater than mine! You do not get to pretend that I'm not hurting as much as you!"

"I left her! I left her alone. I left my sister dying under a plane. I made that choice. No one else. Me. And I'm not fighting about who's more hurt over my sister's death! Let's just admit that we have both messed up."

"You know damn well that that's not true either! I just want to grieve the death of my little sister, and I just thought it would be nice if we could do it together."

"Well for the moment I want to do it alone! I can only carry so much pain Derek."

"Ok, I get it. It's ok. But I just can't pretend this didn't happen to us."

"I can try and do that."

Lexie was being a pain. She seemed to be struggling with the simplest of things. Now, she is my best resident with the most promise but she's falling behind. Meredith keeps telling me to just give her time and wait out this phase, but it's really stressing me out.

'Hey, Derek! Wait up!'

I spun around, having to refrain from rolling my eyes.

'Yes, Lexie?'

'As you know solo surgeries are coming up and I was wondering -'

'Lexie? What are you even doing here? Your supposed to be prepping Mr. Angelo for the clipping of his aneurysm. Pick up the pace and I'll start thinking about just giving you the clamps.'

'Sorry, Derek. I'll go.'

Meredith was fluffing our pillows, getting ready for another 5 hours of sleep before tomorrow.

'I mean, what the hell were you thinking Derek? You know that girl works her ass off trying to please you. You also know tough love doesn't work with Lexie. She's soft and anything more than a gentle shove will break her. She was raised by goddamn Susan, Derek! She now thinks you hate her and is terrified to be on your service tomorrow.'

'You think I'm lacking compassion? Sorry, I will try to tread lighter around my resident, wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.'

'Not only is that so rude, but she's your sister! Your exhausted, hardworking and persistent little sister. Who cares a damn sight more about you than you do about her.'

'That is not true!'

'Then where did she get that idea from? That girl is crying upstairs because she thinks the relationship she tried so hard to build with her brother is slowly crumbling all around her.'

'She's upstairs crying?'

'What did you think she was doing?'

'Jesus, I've got to go.'

I rushed upstairs, trying to tiptoe, not waking Zola. I knocked on the door, hearing soft sniffles on the other side, making my heart clench.

'Lexie?'

'Derek? Oh my god I'm so sorry. I know I should be trying harder and not making excuses but my Dad has gotten really bad again and I don't know what to do and I didn't want it to effect my work but if your telling me it is I promise I'll try and shut it off and I-'

'Lexie.' I said, cutting off her rant.

'You have no reason to be sorry. I should have known tough love wouldn't work with you. I never wanted to make you cry. God, I never want to see you cry, let alone be the cause of it. I love you, Lexie. I'm sorry if I don't show it enough. Why don't you and I go to your Dad's tomorrow? I'll be right here if you need me. I'm your big brother.'

'I'm sorry if I made you mad.'

'You could never. I think work is just catching up to me. Ok, now go to sleep, big day tomorrow.'

As I turned around to switch off the light, I heard her whisper under her breath

'I love you Derek. My big brother.'

I smiled, making my way to apologize to another one of the most important women in my life.

Love you guys.