Savant strode onto the tarmac of Belle Reve to find what he found to be an odd sight - namely all of his teammates were wearing face masks. Even the few among them that actually wore masks on a daily basis were donning them.
"Uh, Savant, whatcha doin' there, mate?" Captain Boomerang asked, scratching his butt with a razorang.
"What are you doin', boy?" Savant grumbled.
"Well, y'know - the virus?" T.D.K suggested. "It's been kind of a big deal. It's like me and my fellow Justice Leaguers say-"
"What part of 'we do not need your services at this time' do you not understand, bro?" Blackguard interjected.
"Point is, real heroes wear masks." T.D.K. said. "Isn't that right, Peacemaker?"
"It's the American thing to do." Peacemaker nodded. "Or Australian, Portueguese, German, etc."
"Warworldian." Mongal said, raising her arm blades threateningly.
"That's what I meant by 'etcetera,' Miss Gal." Peacemaker said. "Wasn't meaning to offend, my apologies."
"Wait, I'm confused." Savant said. "Walluh told me she wanted us to band together to stop the computer virus. I assumed that's why she recruited me."
"Why would she need all of us to stop a computer virus?" Javelin asked. "I throw sharp sticks, what help would I be other than to stand there and be beautiful?"
"Well, if blonde ambition there believes in it, in that case it sounds fake to me." Savant shrugged.
"Wait, what?" Rick Flag said. "Mr. Durlin, it is a requirement that you wear a face mask to participate in this group photo. Do you understand undertaking this mission means you will be a free man?"
"I still don't wanna." Savant crossed his arms.
"I want you to look over there, Mr. Durlin." Rick said, pointing towards King Shark. "Nanaue Sha'ark, half-man, half-fish. Our top scientists say he is not susceptible to Covid-19 due to his unique biology. Hell, jury's still out on whether he classifies as cold-blooded or warm-blooded. I.Q. doesn't go higher than forty. He's easily one of the top three strangest members I've ever seen on this squad, and by far the dumbest. Nanaue of all creatures has agreed to wear a mask to participate in this group photo."
"HELPING!" King Shark rumbled, eagerly pointing at his face only to accidentally poke himself in the eye. "OUCH."
"Well, if Jabberjaw thinks it's a good idea then I definitely shouldn't." Savant shook his head.
"That's not the point I was trying to make, though!" Rick said.
Savant rebutted by loudly expectorating fake coughs in his superior's direction. Rick looked positively livid.
"You know, I did say earlier I wasn't going to kill people just for coughing without covering their mouth, but…" Rick sighed, raising his hands to center himself and keep his trigger finger away from his holster which contained his trusty Smith and Wesson. "Maybe another time, June. Very well, Mr. Durlin. You may leave."
"Hell yeah I will!" Savant guffawed. "C'mon, rat. Let's blow this popsicle stand."
He gestured to Weasel, only to realize even the giant, long-necked mutant was better at following etiquette about common courtesy than him.
"Enh! Enh! Enh!" Weasel shrieked, backing up. Drool leaked out of both sides of it.
"Well, to hell with you, then!" Savant growled. "I'm busting out, and when I do I'm gonna go to a grocery store. Maskless! You're all such worrywarts, I'm gonna live forever!"
He didn't. And yes, he did die of the exact thing every single smart and dumb person alike told him to do. The moral of the story? Well, what do you think? I'll give you a hint… WEAR A MASK, DUMBASS. Those who do, y'all get a certified Suicide Squad approved gold star on the front of your shirt! Yay!