Amanda Waller tapped her fingers frustratedly on her tablet, shaking her head. She really didn't want to do this. It was all beneath her. But a contract had been signed, and unfortunately the infamous supervillain Control Freak had lived up to his end of the bargain. And now it was her job to oblige him in return.
For while most of the members of The Suicide Squad asked for money, time shaved off their sentence or extra time spent with family members on the outside, Control Freak was willing to offer his services as a master strategist and technological prodigy in exchange for the resources to recreate every single Star Wars movie ever in chronological order.
And by every Star Wars movie, he MEANT every Star Wars movie. Prequels, sequels, and spinoffs alike. Even the obscure 2008 animated installment that was originally meant to serve as a lead-in for the accompanying TV show was fair game!
Amanda's beautiful facility now resembled spaceships, her soldiers now all looked like stormtroopers, makeup and wardrobe expenses were running high, and vocabulary far outside of her range of interest like "Kashyyyk" and "Acklay" were being thrown around in casual conversation. It was horrible.
The Squad was incredibly relieved to spend their time reenacting a popular movie series instead of going on dangerous missions, especially given some of them were fans of the series themselves. Even some non-fans initially reluctant were warming up to the idea like Mongal, (who ironically enough was herself an alien but had never heard of the series before) became a fan through the experience. She was fresh off delivering a surprisingly vulnerable but spunky turn as Ahsoka paired with Blackguard's Anakin.
There was actually some pretty solid casting all around, actually. Savant was in his element as Obi-Wan, Javelin's Luke looked just like Mark Hamill, Ratcatcher was set to play Rey, and King Shark's Princess Leia was just as horrifying as one could imagine but at least he could still read the cue cards. As a matter of fact, there was only one Squad member who straight-up hated his role, and that was Thinker.
Thinker, a self-professed "Trekkie," whatever the hell that meant, viewed his role as the gold-plated worrywort British-coded C-3PO as beneath him. His argument was fairly convincing - of all the characters in Star Wars to portray, he was assigned the one no kid would ask to play as among their friends. While very much a non-fan of the franchise, he admitted to having a soft spot for R2-D2 and had asked to play him instead. However, Amanda's rebuttal of "do it or I'll fucking splatter that big brain of yours across my desk with the push of the button" ended up swaying him to her line of reasoning.
Currently, the production had tackled Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, The Clone Wars, Revenge of the Sith, Solo and had recently finished Rogue One. All were burnt out having gone so long without an extended break, and Control Freak reluctantly agreed a few months hiatus would be allowed if they included The Holiday Special.
And so, that is what led to the only casualty on-set of the Belle Reve's players take on Star Wars. Thinker was roped into rehearsals for A New Hope at bombpoint alongside the barely lucid Weasel as Chewbacca, The Brain's R2-D2 and Bloodsport's Han Solo. Namely, the scene where R2 and Chewbacca play dejarik.
"Enh! Enh! Enh!" Weasel (who was only wearing a bandolier, far more clothing than he was usually inclined to wear) hissed as his piece was defeated by The Brain's stratagem.
"You know what, Artoo, how about I take over for a bit?" Thinker drawled, pushing over The Brain, who fell with a resounding clunk on the ground like a garbage can.
"Oy, what are you doing, Grieves?" Bloodsport asked. "That's not in the script, mate. I have a bad feeling about this."
"Hang the script, my character wouldn't let a droid with inferior programming do the work for him." Thinker snorted arrogantly, turning a few dials. "Besides, these movies are little more than childish fluff designed to sell toys. Tell me, why does Lando Calrissian wear Solo's clothes at the end of movie five?"
"Lawton brought that up the other day when we were talking about our scenes together on Cloud City." Bloodsport shrugged. "But I still wouldn't do that if I were you, remember what it says in the script-"
"Waller won't mind. This is just a rehearsal!" Thinker interrupted, pumping his fist in the air triumphantly as Weasel's final piece was taken off the board. "What do you have to say to that, you pop-eyed troglodyte?"
Weasel simply shrieked, lunged for Thinker, simultaneously ripping both his arms off like they were the legs of a pinata, and beat the cyborg with it until his face was little more than a bloody pulp with exposed wires sparking.
"Like I was saying, bruv, let The Weasel win." Bloodsport sighed, shaking his head as Weasel hoarded his between-scenes snack. Right before Thinker had interfered, Waller had fallen asleep at her desk overlooking rehearsals.
"Could zomeone please help me uhp?" The Brain squeaked.