A difficult man

Chapter 5

Jane arranged the house cheerfully and made the shopping list. She tried to go to town as little as possible to avoid Gibson and not to be noticed much, for fear that someone would find out that she was hosting Buck, but by now she had run out of all her supplies and really needed to refuel. She also had to return the embroideries and take the new ones home. She decided to wait until the afternoon when someone came to visit Buck.

Having settled some chores, she began to cook and while she was busy cutting vegetables, she heard the bell ringing from Buck's room.

She rushed upstairs, afraid that something had happened, but when she entered the room, she saw that he was fine.

"Sorry if I call you while you're doing your business, but I need the vase", Buck said, as embarrassed as ever when he had to rely on her for that.

"No problem Buck, I left the bell for you on purpose. I know it is a burden for you to have to depend on me for this too, but you will see that soon you will be able to do it alone "and she gently helped him out of bed.

While she was supporting him and helping him, he asked her shyly and embarrassed: "I was wondering if you would like to have lunch in this room with me"

Jane felt her heart open and with a huge smile on her face she replied: "I'd love Buck, I don't really like eating alone."

He answered her with a smile that opened the wings of her heart and then left it to her needs.

"Call me when you need to get back to bed if you can't"

"Thanks, for everything Jane"

"You don't have to thank me every time, seeing that you have changed your attitude is a thank you in itself"

Soon Buck called her back. She helped him get onto the bed and took the vase to empty it.

At lunchtime, she went to Buck with the tray set for two. She'd tried cooking some potato stew in addition to the broth, to see if Buck could get a full meal down.

She knocked and entered. She placed the tray on the bedside table and then pulled the chair close to the bed to be close to him while they ate lunch. Buck slowly swallowed everything and enjoyed Jane's cooking.

"You are good at cooking"

"In short, I do just what is necessary, cooking is not really my passion"

"And what are your passions?"

"Do you really care?"

"Of course. Sorry, I'm trying to remedy my behavior over the past few days but maybe I was a little pushy "

"Absolutely no. It's just that it seems strange to me that you ask me questions about me, you've never done that before "

"I know, I've been a horrible man, I'm sorry again"

Buck felt that, despite his intentions not to engage in human relationships, he enjoyed being in Jane's company and conversing with her and found that there was nothing wrong with that.

Jane for her part was happy that he was melting a bit and when she was in his company she wished that time would never pass.

"Let's leave it all behind and start over. Do you want?"

Buck nodded.

"Well, here, my passions are reading, singing, adventure and embroidery and I like being outdoors and with friends"

"You said you're not from here, right?"

"Yes I am Italian"

"You speak our language well though"

"I still have some difficulties but let's say I manage"

"How come here in America?"

"It's a long and painful story"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't want to bring back bad memories"

"No, okay, if you want I can tell you about it"

"I don't lack time, I think", he joked.

"Already!" and began her tale.

"You had the courage"

"I couldn't bear to have others decide for me. Buck, not a word, they could find me "

"Don't worry, if I decide not to talk you know I'm very good"

"Unfortunately, I experienced it on my skin ..."

"Touchè…. What is your real name? "

"It doesn't matter, I never really liked"

"I'd like to know if you like"

Jane told him but then pointed out: "Please, I'm just Jane, it's very important"

"Be calm"

"How nice to be able to chat so lightly"

Buck smiled so sweetly that Jane almost felt faint. He was so beautiful when he smiled and he wasn't sad and distressed.

"You know, I can't forget what happened to me, it burns me a lot, but I admit that opening up a little helps me not to have my thoughts fixed on Gibson. Thanks Jane, I owe you everything "

"Seeing you serene is the best reward".

They looked at each other for a moment and then they both looked away. Buck's heart sank and he worried. Was he starting to get attached to that girl? He shouldn't have done that, he shouldn't have hurt other people and he knew a woman couldn't accept someone like him, but he couldn't get rid of the feelings he was feeling. He thought that when he could go, everything would be easier.

After lunch, Jane said to Buck: "Now rest a little, in the afternoon you will receive visitors and you must be strong. I will take the opportunity to go shopping. Do you need something or do you want me to prepare some particular dish for you? "

"I don't need anything, thanks. I thank you infinitely again for your kindness and patience "

Jane smiled, greeted him and went down to work a bit. She was so happy that things were going so much better and it didn't seem real to her that she had spent so much time in Buck's company.

In the afternoon, Lou and Rachel came.

"Hello girls, I'm happy to see you", she greeted them with a huge smile.

"How happy we are today, did something happen?" Lou asked.

"Well, go upstairs and you'll find out for yourself", Jane replied.

"Can we really see him?" Rachel asked incredulously.

Jane nodded and the two women hugged her.

"I have to go shopping, I'll leave you with Buck, see you later"

Jane took the gig and went to the Tompkins shop. She met Kid and Jimmy and told them the good news. It occurred to her to invite them to dinner the next day and before entering the store she spent a moment at the doctor.

"Good morning Jane, Buck is fine, did something happen?" Asked Dr. Pearson.

"It's okay doctor, thank you, I wanted to ask if I can try to get Buck out of bed to eat at the table. He feels better and with my help he could try to get off "

"Well, the wounds are healing, so if you feel it, I don't see why not"

"Thanks doctor, see you soon".

Jane was delighted and then went to Tompkins to get everything she needed. She then moved on to leave the embroidery and take up the new job and finally returned home.

She found Rachel and Lou still in Buck's room and joined them.

"So did you guys have a good chat in my absence?"

"Yes, we finally found our dear Buck and we have to thank you apparently, again", Rachel said.

"You don't have to thank me, Buck understood that it's better to rely on friends than to do it all alone, right?"

Buck smiled.

"By the way, I met Jimmy and Kid and we have dinner here tomorrow night. I stopped by Dr. Pearson and he said you can start getting out of bed and take a few steps so you can come to the table too, what about Buck? "

"That would be great, thanks Jane" and he looked at her gratefully. The gaze did not escape either Rachel or Lou, who in turn looked at each other with a knowing look, happy for the two boys.

When Lou and Rachel were gone, Buck wanted to try getting out of bed right away.

Jane supported him and he struggled a bit, but then he relied on her and managed to take a few steps.

"Very good Buck, I am proud of you, you will see that you will soon recover completely, at least physically. You have to work a little more on your self-esteem "

"I hope you will help me in this too". These words came out of instinct but he immediately regretted it, he was fighting in his soul not to get attached to her.

"Of course I will, I would be happy. Now go back to bed, you have to take one step at a time ".

"Thanks Jane, for everything"

"I'm happy to help"

"Look, I was wondering if you could try to go down at dinner tonight or do you think it's too early?"

"We can try and see how it goes"

"But I'll need to get dressed and take a bath"

"For the clothes there is no problem, but for the bathroom I would wait a moment longer, I would not want you to try too hard. I can wash you like we always have and maybe tomorrow try the bathroom, what do you think? We have to take small steps at a time so as not to frustrate all your progress "

"You're right, it's just that I'm so tired of being immobilized in this bed"

"I understand. I could bring you some books to read "

"It's a great idea, thank you"

"Oh, I forgot that I only have books in Italian, I have nothing in English. I can bring them to you anyway and tomorrow I'll ask Rachel to lend you some of hers, okay? "

"Okay, thanks again"

"Now I go down to get the books and prepare dinner, then I help you wash and we already do the massage, so then you can feel comfortable. "

"Ok".

When Jane was gone, Buck leaned back on the pillow and sighed. Why did it all have to be so difficult? If he hadn't been a half-breed he would surely have wooed that beautiful and sweet girl, but he couldn't do it, he didn't have to have false hopes, he couldn't offer anything to her or anyone else, only suffering, and he didn't want it to happen.

Jane was really happy with Buck's progress and how things were going with him. She took some books, brought them to him and then began to prepare dinner. When she was done, dhe put it all warm, set the table, and went up to Buck's. She washed him as she was used to, helped him put on the pants and blue shirt she'd bought him from Tompkins, tidied his hair carefully, and then made him lean against her.

"Are you sure you can do it?"

"Sure, don't be afraid, lean on me and take baby steps, don't be afraid of hurting me. If I don't make it, I'll tell you "

Buck relied completely on her. Jane felt his perfume and his breath on her and felt immensely happy. She began to admit to herself that she was falling in love with that difficult, problematic, but extremely attractive and interesting man, who knew how to be grumpy but also very sweet. She didn't dare hope that he too felt something for her, she knew he wanted to keep her away and that he didn't want sentimental implications, but she couldn't help but have strong feelings for him.

Slowly they went down to the living room and Jane helped Buck settle into a chair that she had put pillows on to make him more comfortable. He thanked her and then Jane went to get the chicken she had prepared.

At first they both remained silent, but then she took courage and asked him: "Buck, would you like to tell me something about yourself?"

He darkened his face a little and replied: "There isn't much to say, I didn't have an interesting life"

"I didn't want to be intrusive, I'd just like to get to know you a little better"

Buck smiled at her and decided that something he could also tell her, it wouldn't hurt anyone. He began to narrate his life among the Kiowa and the condition of his mother and how and why he left the camp. The words slowly came out of his mouth and he found himself also telling her about how he had met Ike, their life at the mission, their friendship and how they ended up working for the Pony Express. He told her about his friend's death and the pain he had felt and what he had done during the war.

Jane listened spellbound to the persuasive voice of that man who, against all expectations, was opening up to her. She didn't ask him questions and let him talk, as if he needed to let off steam.

When he was done, Buck gave a huge smile that almost paralyzed her and said: "I can't believe I told you all these things, I went from chasing you away badly and not wanting to talk to you about my whole life. But how do you do it? "

"Oh I didn't do anything at all, maybe you were the one who needed to talk to someone. Know that I will always be here ready to listen to you, at least as long as you live here, then it will be up to you to decide ". While she was saying these last words, she regretted having said them, she was afraid of having made him understand that she would like to continue to see him even after his convalescence.

"Thanks, I'll remember", he just said.

"Well, it's a bit late, do you want to go back upstairs?"

"Actually I'd like to stay here a little longer if it doesn't bother you"

"Absolutely not, I'll help you sit down on the armchair"

"Thanks, you do your chores too, don't worry about me, act as if I'm not there."

Jane tidied up the living room and kitchen and then sat down in an armchair too. Buck asked her a few questions about her and her life and they stayed for more than an hour to chat. Then Jane noticed that Buck was starting to show signs of fatigue and helped him get back to bed and undress and while doing so she fantasized about how good it would be if he were her man and blushed a little, but luckily Buck didn't saw it, because he was thinking exactly the same thing and tried to push that idea out of his head.

"Goodnight Buck, see you tomorrow. Call me if you need "

"I will do it, thank you. Goodnight Jane "

They looked at each other for a moment and then she closed the door behind her.

That night they both struggled to fall asleep, looking back on the beautiful evening they had spent together and hoping there were many more.