A difficult man
Chapter 10
Rachel managed to convince Jane to stay with her at least two days to recover and together with Lou, who was informed of the incident, they tried to alleviate the suffering of the girl as much as possible, but she had now become almost apathetic and did not eat much.
"Honey, you have to react, if you really want to leave on Monday you have to be strong, otherwise you risk getting really sick and not making it", Lou told her softly.
"My stomach is closed, Lou, I can't swallow anything. I just want to leave all this behind "
"I'd kill Buck for what he did", Lou swore.
"Lou, he has no faults, he just fell in love and love is never a fault"
"I'm not convinced it's love, you don't know Kathleen well!"
"Maybe not, but if Buck chose her it means he thinks it's worth it and that's enough. He would not have conceived a child with her if he had not been sure "
"Or she framed him, she's very good at it"
"Lou, please don't talk about it anymore. It had to go like this. I suffer only from the idea of leaving you and the others, by now I considered you a family "
"We will miss you very much honey"
"You all too"
Teaspoon, Kid and Jimmy treated Buck very coldly and Buck was afraid to bring the subject up with them. He was afraid to raise some issues that he couldn't handle, so he pretended not to notice, hoping that after the wedding things would work out. But he was worried that since they met and learned about the baby, he hadn't seen Jane around again. Maybe she had gone back to her house and was busy.
Two days before the wedding, Buck ran into Dr. Pearson on the street, who approached him to ask him how he was doing.
"I'm very well, thank you doctor, I owe you"
"You have been a good patient and you have been lucky with Jane's care"
"Yes…"
"By the way, congratulations on Saturday and the baby. You really have a great heart to take care of a child who is not yours, but I had no doubts about it knowing you "
"What did you say?"
"I'm complimenting you for your good heart, not many men would have accepted to raise a child not theirs"
"Are you telling me that the child Kathleen is expecting isn't mine ?"
"Buck, I thought you knew, or so Miss Devlin told me when she came to my office. She is three months pregnant, so the baby cannot be yours "
Buck felt his body and heart filling with fierce rage. Without even saying goodbye to the doctor, he rushed like a fury to Kathleen.
"Buck, wait, where are you going? Do not act on impulse, remember that she is expecting a baby anyway! ", Dr. Pearson yelled at him but received no answer. The doctor shook his head and left.
Buck went up to Kathleen's room and nearly broke the door.
"How could you do it? How far does your wickedness go? "
Kathleen jumped. She had never seen him so furious and was afraid but tried to stay calm.
"What are you referring to, what happens? You are shocked "
"Of course I'm shocked, I just learned the truth about the baby you are carrying. Whose is he if he's not mine? How could I be so stupid? "
Kathleen tried to deny and continue with her game.
"Buck, are you delirious, calm down, what are you saying? Of course it's your son! Who put this nonsense in your head? Your friends maybe? "
"Leave my friends alone, you are not worthy to name them. You are a devil, not a woman. You know how important family is to me and you have played with my feelings. I met Dr. Pearson who believed I knew the truth and he told me everything. It's over Kathleen, whose baby is that? I have a right to know! "
"That idiot, I told him to keep his mouth shut!"
"You are disgusting! Speak out!"
"Alright then. I was in a relationship with an Indian for a few months. My father found out and without knowing that I was pregnant, he had him eliminated by his henchmen. When he heard I was expecting a baby he told me he would disinherit me if I didn't get rid of him. I didn't have the courage to have an abortion, I was afraid of ending up in the wrong hands and so you came to mind. If I had seduced you I could have passed this child off as yours, so no one would be surprised at the color of his skin. Did you really believe that I had been thinking about you all this time and that I really wanted to get married? It was all a plan. Once the baby was born, I would have found a way to divorce and I would have got rid of you and left you with the brat "
"You are a monster, you are not a woman. How did I fall for it again? I'm an idiot. I'll give you a day to come up with an honorable excuse to blow up the wedding, an excuse that doesn't tarnish my name and nobody needs to know about the baby. After you have canceled the wedding and told everyone the news, you will leave immediately or the whole city will know who you are and what you were trying to do. I don't even know why I'm giving you the opportunity to come out clean, perhaps just to protect the innocent you carry in your womb and who will have the misfortune of having you as a mother "
"You can't do this Buck to me, what am I going to do with the baby if you don't marry me?"
"It does not concern me. Remember: the wedding must be canceled by tomorrow. Be convincing if you don't want to lose your reputation. Goodbye"
"Buck, please wait, we can still fix things."
Buck did not even turn around, he slammed the door and suddenly, even if devastated in his soul, he felt lighter. It burned to death what Kathleen had done to him, the way she had teased him, again, because of his race, but he felt free. Suddenly he understood: he got on his horse and almost flew to her.
Jane had returned to her home after purchasing a one-way ticket to Sacramento. She had already packed most of her things and was looking forward to the following Monday to get rid of all that pain that was killing her. Rachel, Lou, Teaspoon and the boys tried to dissuade her again, but she couldn't stay.
She was hanging out in the sun when she heard a horse galloping towards her house. She looked curiously towards the gate and saw him.
Buck had run like a madman to her home. He almost flew off the horse, ran into the gate, losing his hat on the street and stopped panting in front of her.
Jane felt dying and worried: what was he doing there two days before the wedding?
"Hi Buck, what's up?"
He didn't answer, looked into her eyes, then held her tightly to him and kissed her. He found resistance for a moment, but then Jane's mouth opened and he slipped his tongue into the mouth of the woman he loved more than his own life. He was demanding and almost violent and Jane broke away, looking at him in shock and confusion, her heart coming out of her chest.
He pulled away a little and in tears said to her: "Forgive me Jane, forgive me for not having had the courage to believe in us and for having caused you so much suffering. I love you more than anything else in the world. Give me another chance, please, don't tell me no, even if I don't have the right to ask you ".
Jane felt faint, tears welled up from her eyes and she couldn't say anything except: "Kathleen?"
"Don't think about her, she no longer exists for me, let's think about the two of us, please"
"But the baby?"
"There is no child, or rather there is but he is not mine"
"What?"
"Please, let's not talk about it now, there's time to explain"
Jane emptied all her pain. She was crying and couldn't stop. Buck took her in his arms and said: "Excuse me, forgive me. I understand if you no longer want to have anything to do with me "
She broke away from the embrace, looked him straight in the eyes and said: "Oh Buck, I've dreamed of this moment every moment since you left. I have always loved you, ever since you were still unconscious lying in that bed. Swear to me that I am not dreaming and that your feelings are sincere ".
He took her back in his arms and kissed her, taking her breath away. That kiss meant more than a thousand words.
"I swear to you that if you want me I will never make you suffer again. My God, how much pain have I caused you! "
Jane took him by the hand and said: "Come on, let's sit on the porch."
He followed her holding her hand and not speaking.
When they sat down, Jane, still shaken and incredulous, told him: "First of all, explain to me what happened with Kathleen"
"Not now"
"Now, I have a right to know"
Buck told her everything and Jane was horrified.
"What kind of woman is she?"
"I don't know how I didn't see it. I felt deep in my heart that something was wrong, but I didn't have the courage to admit it. Please tell me that there is still hope for us "
"Oh Buck. I love you so much, but you broke my heart. Knowing that you were about to marry you made me crazy, but when I learned about the baby and I realized that you had been with her, that you had touched her, caressed her, loved her, it destroyed me. When I thought of you two together, I was out of breath. I don't know if I can overcome all this "
"Oh Jane, I'm sorry, I am mortified for breaking your heart, I was a coward, once again I did not trust my true feelings and now I have lost you" and tears copiously ran down his face.
Jane felt something snap inside again when she saw him in that state. He was so desperate for her, he really loved her. He had broken her heart several times but she couldn't give up on him. With his love she would overcome her suffering, they could still be happy.
She took his face in her hands, looked him straight in the eyes and read in it a deep love that she no longer hoped to see in the eyes of someone who was interested in her.
She kissed him first tenderly and then greedily, leaving him breathless and then said to him: "Let's start from here, from the day Kathleen arrived and interrupted us. Let's erase it from our lives, even if it will be hard for you. Let's go back to that day on the veranda "
"Jane, you asked me to tell the woman that I love what I feel: I will do it now. You are the woman I want to spend my life with and I hope there is room for me in your heart. Do you want?"
Jane took his hands and replied: "Buck, you are the man I love and I want to be with you, face joys and sorrows with you, together for better and for worse"
Their faces slowly approached, their mouths touched and their tongues merged into a long liberating kiss.
Buck's hands became more and more daring as he stroked Jane and she did not flinch. She felt that she wanted that man with all her strength and that he was the right one. After all the pain she had gone through, she was ready to let go completely. Encouraged by Buck's caresses, she began to unbutton his shirt.
Suddenly he stiffened, stopped and told her, panting after breaking away from a deep and passionate kiss: "We don't have to do it"
Jane blushed, believing she had gone too far and hurt Buck's sensibility who had just gotten a bad rap on an emotional and sentimental level.
Filled with shame and in a faint voice, holding her head down, she said to him: "Excuse me Buck, I was indelicate. I thought you wanted it too but I didn't think about the pain you just felt with Kathleen. If you are not ready it does not matter, I will wait for you as long as you want. You are the first for me and I would like everything to be perfect ".
Buck was stunned by these words and knew he had been misunderstood.
"Oh Jane, I meant exactly the opposite. I thought you weren't ready. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want. I want you so much and I want to make love with you, but I don't want you to feel obligated just to compete with Kathleen. Take your time, just because it will be your first time and I would be happy if I were your first man "
"Oh Buck, you're not forcing me to do anything. I want you and I want to make love with you now. We have wasted far too much time. I'm ready if you want it "
He looked at her with his deep dark eyes, took her hand and accompanied her into the house. They climbed those stairs she had helped him up so many times when he was convalescing, and they were both invaded by memories. They didn't say anything until she was walking to her room.
Buck held her back for a moment and said: "No, let's go to the room where you were hosting me, where it all started."
Jane nodded and they entered. He kissed her tenderly and began to unbutton her dress. When he slipped it down her feet, she took off his black vest and shirt and started undoing his pants. He then took off her bodice and then bent down to undo her boots. She felt a thrill when he was so close to her and her body was demanding him in every fiber. Buck took off his boots and stood up, letting her take off his pants. He then did the same with her underwear.
When they were both naked, Buck asked her again: "Are you sure?"
In response, she drew him to her and involved him in a passionate kiss. Buck then picked her up and laid her on the bed.
He began to kiss and caress her and she did the same with him.
When Buck knew she was ready, he gently penetrated her, trying to cause her as little pain as possible. She abandoned herself completely in his arms and believed she was in Heaven. Buck was very attentive to her needs and finally experienced those sensations he had always imagined feeling but had not felt with Kathleen. He realized that Jane was indeed the right woman.
Buck came out of her and lay down beside her.
"Everything is fine? Did I do something wrong? "He asked her noticing that her eyes were wet.
"It was wonderful, as I had always dreamed of. Mine are tears of happiness because I still can't believe I'm here with you "
"It was wonderful. I felt emotions I have never felt before, it is as if it were the first time for me too. These were the emotions I had always imagined feeling "
"And haven't you tried them with Kathleen?"
"I don't want to talk about her right now, but no, I didn't try them because she wasn't the right woman"
"I'm sorry I'm not ... yes, well ... very good"
"Jane, it was wonderful and I wouldn't change anything"
"I'd like you to tell me what you like and what you want me to do to make you feel good"
"It was perfect and slowly we will get to know each other better from this point of view too and things will come by themselves. I love you Jane "
"I love you too Buck" and she hugged herself in his arms.
They made love again and then Buck said to her: "I hate to say that honey, but I have to get back to work. They will be wondering where I have ended up "
"I see. Are you going to tell it Kid and Teaspoon? "
"I have a better idea. I doubt Kathleen did what I asked her. For today, let's keep it to ourselves until everything is resolved. Tomorrow evening I will organize a dinner at my house with our whole family and we will say it together. In case Kathleen hasn't canceled the wedding, I'll have to take care of that too "
"Okay, I'll try not to meet Rachel and Lou because they would understand everything from my eyes"
"I really think so, your eyes shine"
"How can it not be like that! My dream has come true "
"And would I be your dream?" Buck joked a little.
"Well, what do you think?"
"I say we both made our dreams come true" and he kissed her tenderly.
He then got out of bed and when he saw her staring at him, he asked her: "What is it?"
"Oh well, I've finally completed the exploration of your body. I was missing only one detail and I must say that it is not bad, indeed, I remembered really well "
"What?" Buck exclaimed visibly embarrassed.
"Well, when I undressed you for the first time, I inevitably gave a peek, but I swear it was the only time", Jane said, amused by her man's embarrassment.
"You know that I will take revenge, right?"
"I can't wait", she replied mischievously.
Buck sat back down on the bed and kissed her passionately. He was so happy.
"I really have to go now"
"Do you come back here after work?"
"I was hoping you would ask me. See you tonight"
"See you tonight honey"
When Buck came out after getting dressed, Jane lay on the bed hugging the pillow where Buck had lain, savoring his scent. She couldn't believe it really happened. A few hours earlier she was desperate and destroyed because she believed she had lost the man she loved forever and now she was in the bed she had just shared with him. She couldn't be happier.
After a while she got up, got dressed and resumed her chores, with a wonderful smile printed on her lips and planning a candlelit dinner with the man of her life.