Good Days (SZA)
Santana's POV
Walker waited until we were walking from baggage claim to pull me to the side, her whole face looking stoic.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Santana, I think it would be best if I gave you two some space while she's here. I don't want to impede your progress. I am going to do the rounds on my business. I'll spend a few days in each place. In fact, I'm going to head to Sidney from here."
"Oh."
"I'll be around still, don't think I'm ditching you."
"I don't. I get it. It's just that I'm not used to people knowing when to take a step back when it c-comes to Britt and me."
"Well, you and I are different. I'm married too, remember, and I know that a married couple needs time alone. Sex may not be on the table, but that doesn't mean that you don't need family time."
"You'll come for her birthday, though, right? It's Halloween."
"Charlie wouldn't let me miss that day, he's almost too old for trick or treating, so I'll be here."
"Good. I'll see you, I guess."
"Make sure you are still hitting up meetings and using healthy methods to deal with stress. Leave Sofia alone and remember that I'm just a call away, okay?"
"Hug?" I asked, feeling overcome with emotions.
"Sure, but be quick about it." I hugged Walker tight, and she gave me a good squeeze before taking a step back. She waved to B and then headed towards the rental desk.
I hadn't told Susan that Britt was coming back with me, so when I walked out of the airport with Britt next to me, her casual lean against the car turned into her jumping in place with tears in her eyes.
"Told ya." I said to B, and she turned pink as we got closer to her mom.
"I don't deserve her love." She said.
"Bullshit."
"Shit!" Isaac said, and I groaned.
"Just ignore him, and he'll stop. If he thinks it bothers you, he'll keep doing it." B said as she shifted him to her hip. "Hey buddy, do you see who that is?"
Isaac looked at Susan and waved wildly.
"Hi, Gama, Hi!" His expletive was forgotten, and this is why I need Britt around.
She just gets Isaac in a whole other way.
"Hi, Mom." She said, "Sorry about avoiding you...I just...I was ashamed."
"Come here! Don't you ever think that you can't come to me, do you understand. I might get mad, but I will NEVER stop loving you, Brittany. NEVER. You're my life." Susan was crying as she pulled Brittany into a tight hug. Isaac rested his head against Britt's and rubbed Susan.
I snapped a quick pic and then moved towards the trunk to put the bags in, hoping to give them a moment, but I forgot who I was married to.
"Hey, let me get those!" Britt let go of her mom and shoved Isaac in her arms before grabbing the bags.
"Oh...you should be taking it e-easy, B."
"I'm fine." She was doing her best to stress her wellness to me, but her face said otherwise. She cringed when she lifted things that were any heavier than Isaac. I noticed, and I would be forcing her to see doctors about it while she was here, including a trip to Dr. Ramirez.
My first instinct was to disagree with her, but instead, I rested my hand on her lower back as she lifted, which she seemed to appreciate.
"Sit up front with your mom and talk."
She nodded but insisted on holding the back door open for me before she got up front with Susan, she was extra chivalrous, and I wasn't going to argue with her. This was Brittany trying to mend what was broken, and as long as I was trying, I wouldn't make it any harder.
As we exited the highway, I leaned between the front seats and reminded Susan. "I'm going to pack up tonight and leave in the morning if that's okay."
She got pink, embarrassingly so.
Did she think I'd forget her attitude before I left?
Or that she practically kicked me out of the house that I had fucking bought out of foreclosure and given back to her?
I tried to smile, though, because a fight between her wife and mother was not what she needed.
"You can stay longer if you need to, Santana...things are different now."
"How so?" I was annoyed, and it was my fault for bringing it up but fuck it. "You asked if m-my apartment was done and then basically told me to leave."
"What's wrong with your apartment? Wait...mom, you kicked out my wife and kids?" Britt cut in, and I could hear the strain.
I'd overstepped, and I could see the beginning of tears from Susan.
"You want to call me out, Santana? Is that why you brought Brittany back to rub it in my face that I couldn't find her for seven days and you could? Hmm?"
"What? No. She is here because she should heal here."
"Did you also tell her that you've been screwing everything that moves?" Susan said, and I swear my heart was in my throat.
"Two people. I have hooked up with two people, and the last was a mistake."
"How do you mistakenly hook up with a person?"
"Please stop," Britt whispered, but I was the only one who heard her.
Susan, though, was on a roll. "You know what, no, you should go home tonight."
"Fine. I'll go tonight."
When we got to Susan's house, Rob had Daniela on his lap and helping her strum his guitar. She looked super into it. I had never seen her so focused on something.
"Hey, dad." Britt said, and he looked up. His jaw fell open, then he kissed the top of the baby's head. I could see him needing to hold his daughter, so I scooped up my baby girl while Rob rushed to wrap Britt in his arms.
It was a beautiful sight to see.
"Mami, up!" Isaac yelled at me.
"Go ask Gama." I said to him, and he pouted at me. He'd need to suck it up though, he got me all week long, all to himself, and his sister needed some love.
Susan was able to move past our disagreement in the car. She stepped in and picked up Isaac.
I tried to keep from losing my shit when she kept saying little things to my son, shit that Rob and Britt were too distracted to hear, but I wasn't.
About ten minutes in that house, and I was ready to go.
Daniela gripped my boob, and I knew that I would have to feed her if I planned to get out of this house without a tantrum.
Instead of lingering in the living room, I headed up to Britt's room with Daniela. I'd let her deal with her parents and Isaac. I needed a fucking moment.
My suitcases sat on the window seat, and they looked full.
Susan had been busy, but I wouldn't stress. I had a whole damn apartment building at my disposal, which was great because it was apparent that I had overstayed my welcome.
But like Mami always said, fish and bodies stink after three days. I had stayed for nearly a month. It was long overdue for us to reach a point where we could no longer stand to be around each other for very long.
I gave Daniela my boob and then carried her around the room, picking up things that Susan had missed.
When the door opened, I expected criticism for the way I held the baby but was only met with arms wrapping around my waist and a kiss on the shoulder.
"What was your plan?"
"Huh?"
"Where you expecting to go back to the apartment and leave me here to deal with my dad's crying fits and my mother's questions?"
I tried to turn in her arms, but she held me tighter, she wanted the truth without having to deal with any lies, and no one could read me better than she could.
"Yes, I wasn't sure if you'd want to come with us. We are still in a weird place."
"I didn't come here for them."
"They love you, Britt Britt."
Daniela had one hand gripping the side of my boob and the other reaching down to touch mine and Britt's.
Her moms.
"I love them, but you are my family. Doesn't the Bible have this whole thing about leaving your parents and sticking to your wife?"
"Yeah...it does."
"I came here for you, and I want to be with you. Remember when you said that to me...how you wanted to BE with me. Is that still true?"
"Always."
"Then let's get your stuff together and go home."
"Is your mom going to be okay?"
"I talked to her. She understands."
"Okay."
Only she didn't understand. While Britt was getting the kids in the car, I was coming down the stairs with the diaper bag when Susan cornered me at the bottom of the stairs.
"One of my biggest regrets was letting Brittany move in with you when you were both still in high school. Now that she's home, I want you to be aware of the fact that I will NOT let you drag her further down. Do you understand?"
"Susan, back off." Rob said, and I just stood there letting Susan dress me down.
"No, I need to be perfectly clear with her, Rob...she's clearly the reason that Brittany fell off the wagon in the first place, my love. I need to be sure that Brittany did not come back here to slide down further into a pit of despair."
"Mom, that's enough! She is my WIFE, and yes, I fucked up, but Santana is the woman that stopped me from killing myself. Not you, not dad, or anyone else but Santana! You will respect her, or you will lose the only child that you have left." Britt stood at the door, veins bulging and eyes wide. Then she looked past her mother to me and gave a small smile. "Are you ready, baby?"
The whole ride back to the apartment, I kept staring at Britt every chance that I got, but she was leaned in the backseat, talking to Isaac and Daniela. For the first time in an eternity, it felt like the four of us were a family, and I don't think I've ever been happier.
With Britt keeping watch in the car, I ran into the stop-n-shop to grab some groceries. When I got back, she was in the backseat, wedged between the two of them singing Elmo.
And when we got to the apartment, she helped me bring the kids upstairs and then insisted that I let her get the groceries.
I was filled with so much warmth and peace as I cooked an early dinner.
My phone rang as Britt gave the kids a bath, and I was excited to see Mami's picture pop up.
"Hi, Mami."
"Nanita, are you home?"
"Yes, Bendicion."
"Dios te Bendiga, listen, we need to have a talk. The heart attack put some things into perspective for me, and I'd like to talk it over with the most important person in my life."
"Who?"
"You, silly girl. When do you have time?"
"Tonight. I'm making pollo guisado since it's so chilly out. Britt's here, so it would be good to have a family dinner. B-Bring Pa with you."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive and B is healing from...you know...can you bring the salve?"
"Did you get the stuff from the Bronx while you were in the city?"
"Yes, but it's nothing like yours."
"Bueno, I'll come and bring dessert and the salve."
"Gracias, Mami."
"I love you, Nanita."
"I love you too."
Isaac came running into the kitchen, naked, and hugged my leg as I stirred the rice.
"Where is he?" Britt said as she came into the kitchen. "Izzy, buddy, where are you?"
Isaac giggled as he continued to hide in plain sight.
"I don't know, B, maybe check the other room."
More giggles.
"He's around here somewhere. Are you hiding him?" She came over and looked at the stove, then opened and closed cabinets.
"Nope. Haven't seen him."
More giggles.
Just as he let go of me, Britt suddenly saw him.
"Aha! Mami made you see through. I can see you now!" She picked him up, and he squealed.
"Mami is on her way for dinner." I said, and Britt's face got serious.
"Should I go?"
"No. She's br-bringing you the salve for your healing. It's all good."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"I trust you."
"Where's baby girl?"
"In the swing chewing on a teether. Is she still breastfeeding, or should I make her a bottle?"
"In between. I can feed her today, though...I haven't pumped, and I l-left what I had at your mom's."
"Okay, I'll bring her to you, and then I'll get him dressed."
"Thanks, B."
She kissed my forehead and then left the room with a giggling Isaac.
This was all that I ever wanted.
Just us, existing happily.
I had just finished feeding Daniela when Mami showed up, looking tan and happy. Pa came in with bags and a huge grin.
"Bendicion." I kissed both their cheeks as I held the baby on my hip, and Pa pointed at the window.
"Can you see the field from here?"
"Yup."
"That's awesome. Mind if I watch while you ladies talk and get dinner served?"
"Hector, you know how that sounds?" Mami scolded.
"What? You said Santana was cooking, and I know you hadn't seen her since before she left. Are you not going to talk and serve dinner?"
"He has a point, Mami. Let him watch."
"Fine." she took the baby from me and handed her to him. "But you don't get out of family time. Entertain her while we talk."
He held my daughter like holding babies was his day job. In about 15 seconds, he had her cradled and happily babbling to him. I watched as he took her to the front window, and he pointed at the field, explaining football to her. He had her rapt attention, which was fine with me.
"Has he always been good with babies?" Britt asked as she brought a giggling Isaac into the room, clutching his Elmo.
"Oh yes, when your wife was a baby, she couldn't get enough of him carrying her around and talking to her like she was a big girl."
Britt smiled and then leaned over and kissed Mami's cheek.
"Bendicion, Ma. It's good to see you." Britt said.
Mami reached up and cupped Britt's cheeks, they shared a moment, and then Mami wrapped her arms around Britt tightly. "Don't you ever think you can't come to Santana or me. We are family, and we fight sometimes, but you are my daughter too. Entiendes?"
Britt rubbed her back and nodded. "Yeah, I...I...don't know what to say, thanks, Ma."
And just like that, the heaviness that existed between them faded.
"I brought you a soak that should help with pain and healing. Santana knows what to do. Okay?"
"Thank you."
"Of course, you're welcome. Now, I'm going to help her finish dinner. Why don't you take Isaac out to the living room and keep Hector company."
"Okie dokie."
"Want to give me a preview of what you wanted to talk about?" I asked her as I made my rice mountain while she tried to covertly add seasoning to my guisado, which was fine. I always liked hers better anyway.
"When Aden died, the house was left to me, but it will always be your childhood home."
"I know."
"Hector and I are getting married. It seems disrespectful to your father's memory to move him into that house. So I was thinking of selling it but since your an agent...I wanted to ask your op-opinion."
"Really?" I was floored. Usually, Mami just directed everyone around, asserting her will but asking for help or advice. That wasn't something that she did.
"Yes. If you want to keep it as a rental property or just to have for when you need to get away, I am perfectly fine signing the deed over. I just need a fresh start."
"Where will you go?"
"Well...I was thinking about New York. His son is right in Connecticut."
"He hasn't spoken to Sammy in like ten years, though."
Mami's voice dropped.
"And I'm going to fix that. Sammy only has his dad, and for Hector to not talk to his son because he married an Asian woman...well, that's unacceptable. If we are closer, maybe that can change things."
"What I don't get is that he accepts Brittany. She's white and a woman."
"That's because you aren't his child. It's different when it's your own."
"I guess so."
Mami helped me set the table and set up the high chairs for the kids, then she insisted on making coffee while I served the plates.
We worked together like a well-oiled machine.
It was nice.
"You know, Mami," I said before we called Britt and Pa into the kitchen, "I've been thinking about getting a new place in the city. Something out of Sandra's control, so that if anything were to h-happen, Britt could never be kicked out again. That house has too many heavy memories. If you want to move there, make it your home...I'd be okay with that."
"Really?"
"Yes, I bought it as an investment, and once Isaac is of age, I'll sign it to him completely. What do you think?"
"I think you should talk to your wife, and I'll talk to Hector."
"Okay."
Friday, October 25th, 2013
Hi Henry,
Right now, Britt is cleaning up the kitchen with Hector while Mami puts the kids to sleep. She's in much better spirits now compared to when I left Lima a week ago. It's almost like she didn't even have a heart attack.
But I know how to look at her and see that it aged her a little. It reminded her that she's 47 and she's getting older. Mari drilled me on how Mami was doing after her heart attack but I wasn't really able to give her a full update. I know that she will be relieved when she finds out that Mami will be much closer and she can bug her, herself.
Mami and Pa agreed to watch the kids while I go to a meeting and take Britt to get ice cream.
I think it's because Pa wants to finish watching the school football game for free, but Mami insists that it would be good for the two of us to go have a little fun.
And I will not argue with that logic.
So off I go, to hopefully get a little closer to my wife and a little more level with my sobriety.
Things are starting to look up, and of course, that has me nervous, but I can't dwell on what could happen. I am doing my very best to live in the present moment...since that is all I have.
I love me...and I need to remember that as much as possible.
xo-Santana
Things were in full swing at the Rage Cage when we got there after my meeting. Britt wouldn't let go of my hand after I got up on that stage and told my story. She smiled when I smiled and teared up when I did. Seeing me be vulnerable is always good for her. It reminds her that I'm not superhuman or perfect.
She knows I'm not perfect, but I think when she looks at me, and I appear to be put together, that she forgets.
And I need her to NEVER forget who I am at a base level.
When we got to the counter, it was to a new girl I hadn't met yet.
"Welcome to the Rage Cage. I'm Vicki. Is this your first time?"
"Hi Vicki, I'm Santana, and this is Brittany. We want the Max Rage package."
"Okay, can I see some id, please?"
Britt, in full Britt mode, hesitated. "I didn't bring mine."
"Oh well, you have to verify that you're 18 for that package. No one under 18 can throw an ax without parental permission." Her face had that fake ass look to it, and I was annoyed, but I maintained my cool as I handed her my license.
"Here, ya go." I said, and she had a full attitude as she looked it over, then handed it back.
"You can go in, but she can't, not unless her mom is here, or you can just go for the basic package with is half the price."
"Where's your manager?" I asked her, and she had the fucking nerve to lie.
"I am the manager."
"Really? What are you, 16?"
"18."
"Right, listen, you're new, so I'm going to clue you in. I am your manager's manager. Where is he?"
"Sure you are...look, I don't want to argue with you, just hold on a sec, damn." She left the counter, and I felt fully ready to throw an ax at this chick's face.
But then Z was coming up front with this girl behind him, looking smug.
"Hey! You're back!" Z gave me a bear hug and then pulled Britt into it. I looked past him and glared at the imbecile he'd hired.
"She needs to go, Z." I said.
And he let us go and turned to the girl.
"Vicki, this is Santana, she signs your paychecks, and if she says you gotta go, well...you gotta go."
"Wait, what?! I was just following the rules!"
"She was, Z...I just think she needs more training before she is running the front on a Friday night."
"I'm sorry about that. I was taking people back. I'll make sure to put someone else on the desk. It's on me, Santana."
He felt for this girl, and I didn't want to micromanage him.
"Fine, she can stay, but she's on probation. I don't want her at this desk alone."
"Thanks, boss." He said. "So the Max Rage package?"
With bubblegum ice cream finished and a root beer at her side, Britt began hurling plates at a wall with glee.
"Having fun, B?"
"Yup."
"Imagining Grady's face?" I asked, and she gave me a sly grin.
"Maybe."
"I do that too." I said, and she grinned.
"I bet you do."
Sans the Vicki incident, we had a pretty good date night.
And I hated that it had to end.
"Hey, B?"
"Yeah?"
"Want to have a get together here for your birthday? We can invite the glee clubbers and Cheerios that are still around...I can close the place down, and we can break shit all night long. What do you think?"
"I don't think I've celebrated my last two birthdays, with your dad dying and last year with me hurting you...it's been a crappy day."
"Well, let's change that. I've always avoided Halloween, you know that, but we can't live in the past."
"Okay."
"Yeah?"
"I have one request." She said, and I already knew what she wanted.
"You want me to make up with Susan?"
"Please?"
"Okay, I can do that."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
Early Saturday morning, I left Britt with the kids and headed over to the track, with a million things on my mind.
Britt was still whimpering in her sleep, and while she'd seemed okay the night before, I could still see the pain etched on her face.
As I was running around past the entrance, I saw a familiar blonde running in place, until I was aimed to pass her and she fell in step with me.
"You didn't tell me you were coming to town."
"I didn't tell you a lot."
"Are you going to tell me now?"
"I might, first, how are you today?"
"I'm alright. I had dinner with my mom and Hector. Fought with Susan. Took Britt to the Rage Cage."
"Oh, wow. You were busy."
"We were."
"How's B?"
"She's trying her best to put up a front but, I can see through it."
"You two are more alike than you seem. I forget that, sometimes."
"When did you get here?" I asked, still stuck because she was here and not at Columbia rubbing elbows with trust fund kids.
"This morning, I got a rental car...I um was waiting for you."
"Why?"
"I need to take the semester off...I was wondering if I could get the keys back to the apartment."
I stopped running, and she nearly stumbled when she stopped. When Q stepped in front of me, I could see tears in her eyes.
What did I miss?
"Talk to me."
"Shelby is putting up a fight. She was fine leaving Beth with just Puck, but then when she found out that I wanted to step in, she reneged."
"No."
"I have been having a shitty time between that and the breakup with Celia...I'm incredibly close to dressing in all black and dying my hair pink...maybe smoking again."
"What would you do here?"
"Um...work, maybe?"
"What happens to my money?"
"What?"
"Your scholarship, it's been paid for this semester."
"Right, I can pay you back."
"No. You should find out if you do any of your classes virtually, Q. That way, you can be here and have me around to keep you sane. Don't stop school because it will be hard to go back. The courts won't side with you if Shelby can prove that you're nothing but a washed-up dropout."
"You're right."
"I know."
"Can I stay in the apartment?"
"No."
"But...why not?"
"It's under construction. You can stay with me until it's finished in a few weeks, or you could stay in New York at the house."
"Okay, your couch will be good enough. Thanks, San."
"Anytime, now, let's run, this is my only free time today...I'm not wasting it."
Brittany's POV
Everything hurt, it'd been almost a month, and I still felt so much pain.
I hadn't stopped bleeding since the procedure, and it was making me tired all the time, but for my wife, I put on a brave face. Seeing her killing it like a boss and a mom, well, that just made me super proud.
Unlike me, I knew she wouldn't sleep with anyone who worked for her.
Seeing her handle that girl and then talk to Z without making him feel like he was stupid for hiring that girl in the first place showed me that my wife is just as amazing as always.
I had been afraid that having me around would bring her down, but she still woke up early Saturday, kissed my face, and told me she was going to run and then pick up breakfast for us.
While she was gone and the kids were asleep, I sat on the toilet and just watched the water turn from pink to red. I thought about the baby and let myself feel everything that I just couldn't let myself feel when she was around.
I'd done this to myself, and I needed to deal with it by myself.
My sobs were loud and ugly. I had almost forgotten that there were two babies on the other side of the wall until I heard Izzy.
"MAMA MAMA MAMA!" He was screaming at me, and it zapped me back to the present.
The kids needed me.
I cleaned myself up, brushed my teeth, and then was the happiest person I could be as I got them up and dressed.
Dani was still trying to figure me out, staring at me for long moments and then looking away.
She was Ana to the max.
By the time my wife showed up with Quinn right behind her, I spooned baby food into Dani's mouth while Izzy chomped away on the waffle that I made him.
"Hey, babe, guess who tried d-dropping out of school and showing up here?"
"Um...Quinn?"
"That's right, Q. Tell her what she's won!"
"I'm going to crash on the couch until my apartment is ready."
"Wrong, we've won a free babysitter!" Ana jumped up and down, clapping her hands. It was great to see her when she was fresh off a runner's high. She was always the most cheerful.
"Right, I do want to spend some time with my godchildren, so if you two have someplace to be, go for it."
"We do. Actually, I made an appointment for B, and if we don't leave soon, we will be late. We'll be back for lunch...I'm gonna grab a quick shower, help her feed the kids. Okay?" Ana gave me and the kids drive-by kisses before disappearing into the bedroom.
"So why are you here, really?" I asked Q while she cleaned up Izzy.
"She already told you."
"Yeah, but I want you to tell me."
"You don't want to know, B...seriously, it's okay."
"Tell me, did you get knocked up again?" I was kidding with her, but the way she went pale told me that I was totally right, and of course, she wouldn't want to tell me.
But I needed to focus on someone else's drama...just for a little while, and I was more than happy that it wasn't my wife's drama.
"It was just a scare...with Noah."
"Eww again, seriously?"
"I know, I know, and now he's dating Rachel, it's a whole mess, honest to God."
"So you needed a reset?"
"Exactly. I've been kicking butt in my classes, but I'm distracted. I wanted to take time off, but San insists that it isn't a good idea to put off school because I have stuff going on."
"It's not. I kinda regret not going to Julliard. My life would be way more simple, just school and family stuff. I wouldn't have to worry about keeping my job, and I would never have met Grady."
Quinn gripped my hand and then brought it to her lips, kissing it softly before getting all serious.
"You did what I didn't have the balls to do. I love my daughter, and I'm glad that there is a chance for me to get her back, but you're not alone. I have totally gone there. What if I had gotten up the nerve and was able to just move on, but like you, I don't think I would have. You're tough, B."
"I don't want to be."
"Why do my babies look sad?" Ana said as she came into the kitchen in her towel. "Are you two bumming them out?"
I looked at the kids. Izzy was staring at the ceiling in a daze, and Dani was half asleep.
"Bored them is more like it." Quinn said, and I had to agree.
"Whoops."
"Hey Q, seriously, do you mind watching them for like two hours? After this appointment, I need to go see Sal and run a few errands."
"Yup, take your time...I'm here all day."
Ana was still that runner's high as she climbed into the driver seat. She looked at me with the biggest smile. "You ready, Britt Britt?"
God, I hate to her down.
"I can't go." I said to her, resting my hand on top of hers before she could move the shifter.
"Why not?" She sighed, her hand flexing.
"Because I know it will be just a lot of talking down to me and stuff. I'm just starting to feel human. I'm not ready. Can we do something else?"
"What would you s-say to me if I had used that same logic and put off rehab?"
"I..." I looked away and dropped my hand onto my lap. "Fine, but I don't want you in the room with me. You've done enough."
"Why not?"
"Please? If you are insisting that I go, at least let me have this to myself...please?"
She sighed.
"Fine."
I could tell she was pissed, but instead of snapping like she would have in the past, she turned up the music and drove towards the hospital without another word to me. I sat back and closed my eyes and just enjoyed the sound of her voice as she sang along to the music.
The drive to the hospital is less than ten minutes, but I was being shaken awake what felt like seconds later.
"You okay?" She said, leaning over me with the passenger door open. Her lips hovered inches from my face as she waited for me to speak.
"Just tired."
"Okay, well, when this appointment is over, I can take you home while I finish my errands."
"Mmm." I said, closing my eyes just for another few seconds.
"B...come on, please?" She whined, and I finally sat up, nearly bumping my face into hers.
"I'm up."
Everything that Dr. Ramirez did to me hurt.
And then she was talking about an infection and antibiotics.
Her face was serious, like right after finding out about Isaac's afterbirth withdrawal serious.
I just nodded and took the papers from her before walking out into the waiting room.
Ana was pacing, looking murderous, but she tried to smile when she saw me, but it was too late. I had seen her anger.
"Hey." I said.
"Hi, everything okay?"
"I need to actually take my antibiotics. I'm sure you'll be on me to take them...which is fine. She explained that I was tired because my cells didn't have any backup to fight the infection."
"In-Infection?"
"Yeah. I'll be better in six days. Just in time for my birthday, can we go home now?"
"Sure, B."
She took my hand, and even though her palm was sweaty, I didn't let go.
I should have let her in the room because I have no idea if anything I said was true because I hadn't been listening.
My brain wasn't with me anymore. All I wanted was to sleep forever.
I thought being here with her would change that, but it was like a four-day-old bandage, soggy and falling apart.
Ana took us to the hospital pharmacy and filled my prescription, grabbed some water, and when we got back in the car, she handed me one of Isaac's cereal bars and insisted I eat and take the pill.
I was really tired of feeling shitty, so I wouldn't fight her.
She was trying really hard, and I wasn't going to get in the way of that.
"Thanks, baby." I said to her and kissed her cheek before closing my eyes again.
She turned up the music and sang quietly.
There was sadness in her voice, even though she was singing a happy song, and it made me feel worse.
But I couldn't fake happiness or energy. I was just too tired.
When we got back to the apartment, the kids were napping, and Quinn was studying.
"Hungry?" I asked Ana, but she just clutched her keys and didn't leave the doorway.
"I will see you two later...I'm already late." She muttered and then kissed my cheek before turning and leaving.
Quinn looked me over, and her future doctor kicked in.
"Do you need anything?"
"My mom."
"Okay, Go lay down. I'll call her."
"Thanks, Q."
"Sure thing, I'll make lunch. Just rest."
Santana's POV
I left that apartment and went straight downstairs to Mr. Oliver's.
Sofia had texted me while I was in the waiting room because she left something in Mr. Oliver's place.
Paperwork for her job or something, so I told her I'd meet her there.
Britt had been too out of it to notice her standing by his door as we went upstairs, but our eyes had met as I helped my lethargic wife up the stairs.
I was so fed up.
On edge, and I didn't want to have to deal with the heavy shit, so when we were on the other side of that door, I pressed her back against it and kissed her hard.
"Wasn't that your wife that you just helped up the stairs?"
"I know, I'm an asshole...just get me off...one for the road."
"You sure?"
She went to the kitchen and washed her hands, then met me against the front door again.
I chuckled when she put the chain and deadbolt on the door before she shoved her hand under my skirt, tearing my panties as she shoved them to the side.
"Fuck." I groaned, my head falling against her shoulder as she worked me up.
"It's so hot that we are doing this here...with people just upstairs."
"Shut up." I banged my head back against the door as I got closer. I gripped the doorknob with one hand and her shoulder with the other. "God...yes." I groaned, and then I was biting my palm to keep from screaming as I came hard with thoughts of Brittany on my mind.
Britt sick and needing me.
Britt right upstairs.
Trusting me.
I was a supreme asshole.
"You good?" She asked as she steadied me. "I really do need to find that paperwork, and I'm sure they can see your car in the lot."
"Right." I had the nosiest person in the world right above my head. I needed to get myself together.
I fixed my hair in the reflection of the microwave and straightened out my clothes.
There was no going upstairs to change my damp panties, so I was just gonna have to deal.
"Who leaves first?" Sofia asked.
"We leave together. Anything else looks suspicious." She nodded as she shook her manila folder at me. "Got the stuff...I mean...more stuff." She winked, and I blushed.
Timing.
As we stepped out of the apartment and I locked the door, I heard footsteps coming up the walk and just knew I'd been caught.
I pulled the key out and ran a hand through my hair.
Susan and Rob looked from Sofia to me.
"You got everything you n-need? The movers and cleaners will be here Monday, so if there was anything you left...now's your chance." I said to Sofia, and she just shook her head.
"Just this, thanks for letting me in. I can't transfer without this. Thanks again, Santana." She waved and then left me there with my in-laws.
"What happened to the Pierce bear hugs?" I asked Rob, and in the spirit of wanting me to fix shit with Susan, he swept me up in a hug and kissed the top of my head. When he let me go, Susan was already on her way up the stairs, not bothering to even try at being civil.
"I thought you were staying away from trouble." He said to me, and I nodded.
"And I am. She called, and I was going be on my way out...so I let her in."
"If you say so."
"Rob, come on. Aside from this thing with Susan, I've been the best daughter-in-law...haven't I?"
"You have."
"Trust me...please?"
"I'm trying my best. Where are you headed?"
"To see Sal and to a meeting, I really need one today."
"How's Britt?"
"She's trying to be st-strong, but I can see through it. I gave her an antibiotic a half hour ago...hopefully new medicine will do the trick."
"Okay, well, you be safe and keep in touch...okay?"
"I will. Thanks Rob." I began to walk away, but then he called me.
"Santana?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you." He said, a note of sadness in his eyes.
"I love you too."
I knew when I pulled out of the parking lot that I was looking to ruin everything.
And I also knew that I wouldn't do it.
There was just way too much to lose.
I got to the end of the block and then turned around.
My panties were sticking to me as I made my way up the apartment with tears in my eyes.
I wiped at them and then pushed the door open.
Rob and Quinn were sitting in the living room talking but stopped when they saw me.
"You're back." Rob said.
"I could f-feel myself sl-slipping. Sal can wait...I needed to fix things here."
I left the living room before they could say anything and went looking for Brittany and Susan.
The bedroom was empty. Instead, I found them in the bathroom...Britt with her head in the toilet and Susan holding her hair.
I wasn't going to be dumb and ask what happened. When Susan saw me, I just gave a small smile and filled up a paper cup with some water.
After Britt was sitting on the edge of the tub, I handed her water and watched as she drank it.
"I sh-should have stayed here with you. I'm sorry."
And like the Britt that I had always known, she saw past my shit and looked me right in the eyes.
"You had to do what you had to do."
"B...I'm here now."
"I know."
"Do you want me to leave? You seem mad."
"Fuck, I'm just sick, Santana. If you feel guilty about hooking up with some chick downstairs, that's on you...I don't have the energy to give a shit. Right now, I just need rest. Don't be here out of pity...that's why I called my parents because it's them I need."
I wasn't going to fight. Instead, I grabbed my keys and left for a second time.
Only this time, I had one destination.
I pulled up at the church ten minutes into a meeting and rushed inside before I could change my mind.
And even though she was supposed to be nearly an hour away in Sidney, there was Walker, up on the stage telling her story and collecting her 14-year chip and telling her story.
"I gave up alcohol when I was 21, but it wasn't until I was 22 years old that I gave it up for good. I started drinking at 13, sneaking bottles out of my father's study and drinking the remaining drinks after parties. By the time I was legally able to drink, I was buying out stores and getting trashed. I still managed to get married, but my wife put her foot down, her or the booze. I chose her," Walker twirled the coin in her fingers and then looked back up and caught my eyes. "There were a lot of days that I felt like I was pushed to the limit, and I'd slip. It took a whole year for me to get my shit together after nearly killing a kid on a bike. Today means a lot because I got served with divorce papers yesterday, my mind went straight to I got clean for her, and it still wasn't enough. Instead, I came home, hugged my son...played video games all night, took him to breakfast this morning, and showed up here for this."
Everyone clapped as she left the stage, and when she sat down next to me, she put her arm around me. "Glad to see you, kid."
"Coffee?" I said to her as the meeting came to an end. "It's been a crazy 24 hours."
"Let's get coffee then."
Getting coffee with Walker, I'll be home after-Ana
I might not be here when you get back-Britt
Please, stay.-Ana
You sure?-Britt
Positive. I'll bring you hot chocolate back.-Ana
And a cookie?-Britt
Sure thing, babe.-Ana
You're really with Walker, right?-Britt
I snapped a picture of Walker ordering for us and sent it to B.
Really.-Ana
Okay. Mom is waiting here for you. Bring her some hot chocolate too...okay?-Britt
Sure thing.-Ana
I updated Walker on everything that had happened since we parted ways at the airport. It wasn't until I told her about Sofia that she looked disappointed.
"Reckless behavior, should I be concerned?"
"Probably, I am. I meant it when I said I was done with her. The opportunity presented itself, and I was feeling spiteful after B didn't let me into the room at her appointment. I just...I needed to feel something...sexy or needed."
"And how do you feel afterward?"
"Shitty."
"At least there's no confession, Brittany knows."
"I'm not quiet...no matter how much I like to pretend to be. She was right upstairs, so she heard me...no doubt."
"So instead of going to score, you showed up for yourself."
"I did."
"Good."
"Do you think that I'm addicted to being addicted to something?"
Walker sipped her coffee and held up a finger. She went to the counter and said something to Dave. He took her cup back to the office and brought it back out to her. She grinned and slapped down money before coming back to the table.
"Yes." She said as she slid into the booth.
"Yes?"
"Your question reminded me as I was drinking. So one of the ways that I got through being sober was this syrup that I got from one of my coffee suppliers. They taste like booze, but they are alcohol-free. On a hard day, I'll add to my coffee, but I keep it here because I don't want to use it as a crutch. It's a treat for me."
"I was wondering."
"Well, you have something like that too, that runner's high or shopping for you."
"I haven't shopped in forever. I used to all the time with Britt and Q."
"You just can't use them as a crutch. It has to be a treat. Today, whiskey flavored syrup in my coffee to celebrate giving up whiskey all those years ago."
"That's admirable, Walker."
"No, it's just a cheat code. What's yours, other than running?"
"I just stay busy. Britt being here shifted my schedule. I think I was mad at her for it. I moved a meeting with Sal that had to do with my businesses and my money. I moved it twice today, she doesn't know how big a deal it is for me to be off my schedule, but she doesn't know because I didn't tell her."
"Marriage is hard, Santana, and you two haven't really given yourselves a fighting shot. Quinn being there is not a good idea. She's your crutch. You have a whole building, put her somewhere else or send her packing to Sue...or to New York. If you and Brittany really want that married time, Quinn has to go."
"Really?"
"Who did you sleep with right before rehab back when you and Brittany were supposedly doing okay?"
"Quinn."
"I guarantee you that Brittany isn't over that, no matter what she says."
I sat there stunned because I'd honestly forgotten that had happened this year because so much had happened.
"I think you're right."
"That's why I pulled away. Even though I needed someone yesterday when I got those papers...I called my sponsor, then came home and spent time with the person that matters most."
"I need to do that."
"Great, I need to get home. Do you need anything else?"
"Yes, actually."
I showed up at the apartments a little later, with a carafe of hot chocolate and a bag of goodies from Walker for the family.
The door to the apartment was open, and the baby gate was blocking the entryway.
I could hear laughter and conversations coming from inside.
And I heard Mami's voice.
I stepped over the gate and kicked off my shoes.
"Mami!" Isaac stumbled over to me and hugged my legs.
"Hey, Papa."
The noise got closer as I tried and failed to walk with my son attached to my legs.
Britt grinned when she saw him, and then her smile got softer as she looked at me.
"Need help?"
"Please?"
She leaned in and kissed my lips. I kissed her back and wished my hands were full because I wanted to bury my hands in her hair. She pulled back enough that she could still lean her forehead on mine while she talked low.
"We'll talk about us, later when everyone leaves. For now, I need you to go in there and fix this shit with my mom. Like you told me, she just lost her kid, and you lost your sister and her kids. You've both lost something this year. We all have. None of us are better than the other. Please fix it."
"Okay, B."
"Good. I love you."
"I love you."
"Did Walker send extra stuff?"
"She did."
"I like her. She's a good egg." Britt said and grinned, "Like Sheldon."
"Huh?"
"From Garfield and friends...duh."
"Right."
Her complete mood change was enough to throw me off, and I think she counted on that.
She scooped up Isaac and took the carafe before walking towards my too-small kitchen...a room that was standing room only.
When I got the place, I thought two bedrooms and would be enough. Still, now that being here seemed semi-permanent, I thought that the three-bedroom across the hall that Quinn loved so much was about to become my new spot.
She could have this one, but I wouldn't tell her that. She should absolutely take her ass back to school, and I wouldn't be her crutch.
Celia needed to see her being independent and not so attached to me, or they would never work.
Surely, if Britt wasn't over it, my sister was definitely not over it, and Quinn following me around like a puppy, that wasn't helping her cause.
Talking things through with Susan was nothing like with my family, where they needed to process every word.
Instead, I poured her hot chocolate, topped it with whipped cream, and then handed it to her and apologized.
"You were right. I'm sorry for being spiteful. I'm sorry for not being more sensitive, and I am sorry for calling you out on something that I shouldn't have been mad about. Please know that I won't ever disrespect you again. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."
"It's forgotten, you're my daughter too, and I forget that you're just 20, that Britt has hurt you more than anyone, and you have the right to cope with that however you see fit...provided it's not turning to drugs, of course. I love you, I love that no matter what goes on between you two, you NEVER keep those babies from me. I love that you love her, despite yourself sometimes. We both want her happy. I need to remember that."
"We both do."
"I love you, Santana."
"I love you, too, Ma." We hugged tight after that and went right back to our normal happy selves.
Everyone was just hanging out, making as much noise as they pleased, and it felt right.
Sure, it was packed, but everyone was here for B and her health.
It was good for her to see that she had a network too.
"How bad is the apartment across the hall?" Q asked Rob, and he looked at me and then shrugged.
"We are just barely getting started, it's down to the studs in the living and dining room, but to sleep in, it should fine."
"Say less, San, B...I love you guys...I'm gonna go crash. Can I have the keys?" She held her hand out to me, and I dug the key out of my pocket, but I didn't let it go right away.
"It's not permanent. The rent on that place is $2500 a month. Can you afford that?"
"What? San, it's not that deep."
"If you don't become some high-powered surgeon, Sue is going to hold me personally responsible if I gave you an out. So, know that if you decide to drop out, I'm charging you rent for the money I wasted until you come to your senses."
Quinn's eyes went wide, and then she blushed. She leaned in closer to me and looked at me with that old Cheerio glare.
"I just need a few days. I'll go back, I promise."
"Good." I let the keys go and then patted her cheek, to her annoyance, "Sleep well."
Late that night, as I curled up in bed with her spooning me, our babies in the next room dreaming sweetly, I realized that I finally felt like I was home again.
"Ana?"
"Yea, B?"
"I'm glad that you went to a meeting today. You caught yourself slipping, and you did something about it."
"Me too...B."
"And I'm glad that we are working on being best friends again."
"Me too."
"What are you thinking, Ana?"
"About us, I felt the n-need to fuck someone today with you so close. It wasn't even that good."
"Sounded good."
"Well, she wasn't you...no one has ever...not like you."
"No one?" Britt seemed surprised.
"You're it, B...as annoying as that can sometimes be, my body...my everything is yours."
"That's a lot of power...I'm not sure I can give you what you need right now. I think that's why I'm not upset about that girl. You have needs...you scratched an itch."
"Yeah, but she's a psycho. I shouldn't have crossed that line."
"Will you again, you think?"
"No. Definitely not."
"Ana, can you promise me that the next time I'm frustrating you, you think about things from my side."
"Yeah...I promise to try that, B."
"Good." She snuggled deeper against my neck and hugged me tighter.
Which gave me the nerve that I needed to say what had been hanging over me.
"Can you promise me something, B?"
"Anything."
"Promise me that this time around, we take things slowly and as they come. That this time we are open and honest with each other at the beginning of an issue and promise me that above all else...no matter what happens between us, that we put the kids first."
"I promise. I will do more than promise...I will show you and continue to show you that I'm in this for good and that I'm ready for this love, this relationship, whatever it may be. I'm ready to do whatever it takes to be back in your lives for good."
"I love you, B."
"I love you, always."
At that moment, as we lay there, I allowed my walls to crumble.
I allowed myself to feel everything that was between us, and it felt amazing.
Did I believe that we were good...like perfect?
Nah...but right then, I allowed myself to suspend belief and just be with her at that moment.
I needed to invest in there being more good days than bad.