A/N: Okay, I lied here's the next chapter but I've got one more in this time period. We have to find out what happens at Britt's job. Duh. Hope you're well.
Better Life (P!nk)
Santana's POV
Brittany was a bitch. Leaving Lima had been hard on her. I knew that being there had been a security blanket, protecting her from the world.
I could even understand her nerves when it came to working. She'd given up a tour for this show, and she'd been able to create the choreography over people with way more experience than her.
Susan had cornered me a few times, trying to convince Britt to just open her own studio, but I couldn't do that. If Britt wanted a studio, it would have to be her idea, or she'd never succeeded.
I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt when Isaac clutched his chest and whined the whole flight, she was snippy with him, and I traded babies.
Daniela's giggles and happy face usually do the trick on any sour moods, but not even that worked.
Then, she got even worse in the car. Everything Quinn or I said got an eye roll or a sigh.
Quinn kept shooting me looks the whole way through the rearview.
This, too, shall pass...that's what I kept saying to myself.
But then we got to TriBeCa, which took me back to my summer here with Marco. Despite the total fuckshow that was escorting, I had fallen in love with the neighborhood. We weren't as close to Britt's job, but we were closer to Broadway, which is where her show would end up.
The building that we stood in front of with the babies strapped to our backs was only about 10 stories tall, shorter than many New York high-rises.
I could have bought a fancier place up higher, but I wasn't trying to flex for anyone.
Britt, though seemed over all of it.
Like seriously, how patient could I be.
Quinn pulled our single carry-on out of the car and gave it over to Britt. Surprisingly, she didn't snatch it.
I turned towards Q, and she pulled me into a hug.
"Let me know if you need anything. I'll bring the car back tonight."
"Do you have class tomorrow?"
"No, administrative holiday."
"Why don't you bring it in the morning then? We'll be fine without it."
"Are you sure?" She dropped her voice. "Is SHE sure?"
"We'll be fine. I'll text you later."
"Cool." She handed me the keys and then went over to Britt and Izzy. She kissed him and muttered something to Britt, who just shrugged and looked away.
God, please just let this be nerves.
Pictures didn't do our new penthouse any justice. It had two levels and an elevator inside. The second floor was a loft space that I thought we could use as her dance space and my music room.
I had been hoping it was big enough, but I knew that I had nothing to worry about when I saw how big the place was.
There was a balcony off the living room that held a private patio and a great downtown view.
Our furniture from the house was already set up. Britt scoffed at this.
"Of course." Britt muttered.
"Che Che?" Daniela asked, and I was more than happy to pop a tit out just to have a distraction from Britt's overall attitude.
"Hold on, baby girl. Let's go check out your room." Daniela didn't care about her room, but she didn't ask again. I walked through the living room and made a mental note to furniture shop with Britt once we dealt with her job.
I wasn't going to bring it up to her at that moment though, I was at the end of my patience; I was beyond close to snapping at her.
Past the kitchen, there was a room to the left and then a hallway to the right.
I took a right, and Britt groaned but still followed me. I just wanted to slap her.
Fuck.
The kids' rooms were both bare except for their furniture, thank God. If Mami had thought to paint, Britt would have probably made a big deal about that too.
I ignored B and glanced into our bedroom. As a surprise to Britt, I had bought a new mattress given that we'd both fucked other people on the old one.
There was no sheet, just the plastic covering, and she turned so quickly that Isaac let out a yelp.
She at least looked guilty for that.
"Sorry, Buddy."
"You can put him down, B."
"I don't trust the doors and windows. I need to be sure they are locked before I let him wander."
"Good point."
She'd been nice for a split second, but then her face got annoyed again. "You said we'd buy all new furniture together. What is that?" She pointed to the bed.
I wouldn't be the one to bring up her and Grady, so I used myself as an example.
"Do you really want to keep the bed that I had sex with Quinn in?"
She cringed.
"No."
"Neither do I. You can help me pick out everything else, but we needed a bed, so I took the initiative to make sure we had one."
"Because it's so easy for you." She muttered.
"What was that? If you have something to fucking say, then say it."
"Fine...Grady pointed something out to me about you...that I never noticed before. Now I do...I guess."
The fucking nerve.
"Anything that he 'noticed about me' had to come from you because I spent ZERO time with him."
"Che Che!" Daniela screamed over me, and then Isaac joined in.
"No fight!" I rolled my eyes at my son. Of course, he'd learn that from my mom, of all things. She'd probably done that on purpose.
"We're not fighting, Isaac."
"Down!" He screamed, and then Daniela mimicked him.
"Dow!"
"Can we just put a pin in this, Brittany? Put him down and unpack. I'm going to walk away before I say something that I can't take back."
I walked away from her and towards the elevator that went to the loft. Why not cheer myself up, right?
She saw me hit the button and threw up her hands.
"Of course, there's an elevator to go up ONE floor."
"Che che?" Daniela whined, so I just said fuck it and went over to the couch and popped out my boob.
Seeing his sister out of the carrier, Isaac unleashed a scream so loud that it pierced the air.
"DOWN!"
Finally, she dropped that fucking attitude and tended to our son.
About fucking time.
I was SO over her.
Brittany's POV
She wouldn't look at me once she began to feed Dani. Instead, she was staring out at the patio, which was decorated with lights and fake plants.
If I wasn't so bitter, I knew that I'd be able to love this place, but I couldn't stop myself.
This wasn't even my usual anger. It was something else entirely. I was getting on my own nerves, and you can't ignore yourself...or can you?
When I finally unstrapped Izzy, he was glowering at me. He ran away from me, climbed up on the couch, and laid against Ana.
I deserved that.
My face was itching, and my stomach burned, which only added to my mood. All last week, I had been dancing harder than I had in a long time, which made my muscles tight and made me dizzy.
Mom said I was overdoing it. She was definitely right, but I was stubborn. Dancing was the only thing that could make me happy when the world was falling apart.
I took the suitcase to our bedroom and explored until I found the closet. It was the size of my bedroom back in Lima, and once again, there was Grady's voice haunting me. He'd wanted me to use her money for our benefit. He kept telling me that alimony could set the two of us up for life. We could open our own studio and never have to answer to another person.
But that wasn't my dream...she was my dream; it just took me a while to see it.
When I came back out to the living room, the baby was still latched on, but Isaac was passed out.
"I'll put him to bed." I mumbled and then picked him back up. He opened his eyes and tried to glare at me, but he was too tired. "You stink." I said to him as we went into his near-empty room. "Let's see if the magical servants left you a diaper that fits." I sang at him, and he just laid there, continuing to sleep. I had been right. His diaper cabinet was completely full. I tried not to let the bitterness get to me. Instead, I changed his diaper and then settled him in his little toddler bed.
"Emo." He whispered. I pulled open his closet door and found all of his old toys lined up neatly.
I couldn't ignore the love that his things had been put away with. This wasn't a servant. It was his grandmother's doing. I needed to get over myself and quick.
What was my dumb problem?
I went back to the living room and saw Dani sitting in a high chair with Cheerios. As usual, she was babbling at Ana.
She was trying to stay busy. It'd been a long morning. We'd barely eaten when we left Lima, so now she was getting ready to cook.
Usually, she'd turn on music and would dance while she cooked. It'd always been one of my favorite things.
But now, she moved around with nothing, but the Dani's babbles.
She glanced at me for a split second but didn't say a word; instead, she filled a pot with water, took it to the stove, put salt, and left it to boil. She was humming under her breath until she came back and saw me hovering at the counter still. She went to the refrigerator pulled out a pack of chicken before pulling out a huge knife and cutting board.
I could tell she was trying not to lash out at me. She'd come so far from the sophomore Cheerio, who would have threatened to stab me with that knife.
Just as she was about to start cutting the chicken, she froze and looked up at me with cold eyes.
"I need some space, B. Why don't you go upstairs and look at the dance space? You can even take the stairs since you're too good for the elevator."
Too good for an elevator?
I was just astonished that there was one in the first place. It seemed crazy.
She pointed went back to the chicken, but I couldn't be dismissed, not right then.
"Are you angry about me mentioning Grady?"
She looked up at me and stared for a long moment before looking back down at the food before she spoke.
"No...I'm not angry that you mentioned him."
"Could you try looking at me when you lie to me?" I said, moving around the counter to insert myself between her and the cutting board.
She looked up at me and then placed the knife on the counter and took a step back.
"Fine...I'm a little upset...but it's not just because you mentioned him. I think...I'm over him in general. I don't want to be compared to him, and I'm really angry with him for what he did to you."
"He didn't do anything that I didn't allow him to, and you're right, anything he said was something he learned from me. I was mad at you, and I said things that I shouldn't have."
"That's an understatement."
I put a finger under her chin and leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled back.
"No, B. I won't kiss you while the ghost of him hovers between us."
"Fine." I said, then I tried to step away, but her hands came down on either side of me and rested on the countertop blocking me in.
"He manipulated you, Britt...I don't really think you had a say in doing that. He got so deep into your head that even over a month later, you're thinking about him at every moment. I asked you for space. We can either go into this right now or give me a moment to process things. I'm trying to be better, B. I'm trying to take the high road."
"Of course you are; when I'm finally ready to talk, you shut down."
"Trust me, you wouldn't like the alternative. Don't piss off the person making your food."
"Is that threat?"
"No, B...just...go...please?"
"Fine...we don't have to talk about this right now."
"Fine with me."
"I'm going to unpack." I whispered.
She stepped back and let me step away.
And just like that, the aura of happiness she'd been trying to keep all morning had been cracked and shattered because of what I had said and done.
Hopefully, this was the only issue we encountered because I thought we were making progress.
One step forward, two steps back.
Santana's POV
I watched Britt walk away while feeling way too much.
This was our first day in our new home, and already we were at odds.
My first thought was to reach out to my mom or one of my sisters as a distraction but settled that I didn't need yet another person in my marriage. I decided that it was better if I tried to push through things in my own way.
I pulled the rosary from under my shirt and prayed over our home and our children.
"Che Che?" Daniela yelled towards me.
"No."
"No?" Her little chin wobbled, and my resolve nearly broke, but then I heard the thumps from upstairs. She was dancing...which was something she only did when she wasn't angry. I kissed Daniela's sweet face and gave her some more Cheerios.
I turned up my Marc Anthony mix and began dancing away my troubles.
Nanita, are you home?-Mami
I threw the chicken into the pan before responding.
Home, making an early lunch. Sorry I didn't call.-Nanita
That's fine, Quinn let me know.-Mami
What a good daughter she is!-Nanita
I know, I've been hoping she'd rub off on you. ;P-Mami
Haha! Are you coming by tonight to prep, B?-Nanita
Are you going with her?-Mami
I kind of want to, even if I'm just there for moral support.-Nanita
Let me know, you can bring the kids here on your way.-Mami
I'll talk to B about it.-Nanita
"Mami?" Isaac called, his voice sounding harsh.
I turned down the stove's heat, gave Daniela some more cereal, and then rushed to his room.
He was lying in his bed with tears in his eyes.
"What's wrong, Papa?"
"Emo gone." I looked around, and there was his Elmo tangled in the blankets.
I picked him up and tried to do the voice like Sugar had taught me.
"Here I am, Izzy!"
He looked astonished that I had found Elmo. I placed the stuffed Muppet in his arms, and he snuggled back into the bed, holding Elmo super tight.
"Happy." He mumbled.
"Good. I love you, Papa."
"Love you, Mami." I kissed his little head and then went back to the kitchen.
The chicken was nearly done, even on the low heat. I turned the music back up and danced as I finished up lunch.
Daniela was half asleep in her chair until she saw me, and then she was reaching.
"Che Che! Ma, Che Che!"
"Bottle?" I asked her, reaching for the baby bag, and she shook her head.
"No! Che Che!"
"Baby girl, you can either have this bottle or those Cheerios." I pointed to the cereal and then tried to hand her the bottle, which really had juice in it but still didn't want it. She wanted me.
"Chi Chi." She said, and I nodded.
"Okay, you eat those, and you can have leche later. Okay?"
"K."
Brittany's POV
The elevator wasn't even that cool...it went up one floor and looked like it was older than my parents.
I could see how helpful it would be for Ana, who still had bad days walking. Somehow, I'd forgotten about that.
She masked the stutter so well these days; it really only came out when she was beyond tired or when she was caught off guard.
I hated the way she looked at me in the kitchen, with all the hurt in the world.
When we were looking at places, she had insisted to her mom and Quinn that there be a space for me to dance. Any place too small was a deal-breaker. In my haste to allow Grady's allegations some importance, I forgot that she'd picked this place because of me.
At least, I had forgotten until I saw the great room that had her old piano in the corner by the window and plenty of space to dance.
The sight of it brought tears to my eyes and made me feel so much regret for how I'd acted.
Coming home to a place we'd picked all on our own should have been a happy occasion, and I'd ruined it.
Grady was wrong about Ana. I wasn't even sure why I had listened to him in the first place.
I kicked off my boots and spun across the floor, coming to a stop at the plate glass window that had a perfect view of the Empire State Building. Ana had probably paid extra for this view, and I'd be able to dance with that as my background.
How could I hate her for that?
If I didn't have to work anymore, I'd be happy to give private lessons in this room. I didn't need a studio; we could hang mirrors and a barre against the far wall.
I felt so excited and remorseful. How could I punish her for making a dream that I didn't even know had come true?
I danced until I felt like I was floating, and only then did I go back downstairs.
This time, Ana wasn't in silence; she had the salsa music blaring and was dancing around the kitchen as she stirred pots and poked at some stuff in a frying pan.
This was when she was the most like Gladys.
She belted out some lines of the song and then turned in place a few times.
Hearing her sing in Spanish was just too marvelous for words.
I stood against the opposite counter, just watching her put on her own mini-concert.
Grady was so wrong about her.
And I should have known better.
It took a whole five minutes before she actually realized that I was standing there.
When she did, she looked nervous, but I smiled at her, and she smiled back.
"How was it?" She was always braver than me, even now.
"Amazing." I could describe the space a million ways, but she really needed to see it for herself.
"Yeah?"
"Definitely."
"Good, are you hungry?"
"Starving."
I just watched as she piled used dishes next to the sink. Wanting to keep myself busy and get back in her good graces, I rinsed the dishes and stacked them in the dishwasher.
"Ma!" Dani yelled at me, and I turned to her.
"Yes, baby?"
"Chi Chi."
"What's that?" I asked Ana.
"Cheerios. She's putting those four little teeth to work." She pointed to the bowl on the counter, "Just give her a handful. My hands will make them taste like garlic." After pouring some cereal for Dani, I went back to cleaning up while Ana served us.
By the time that she served up our two plates, the kitchen looked spotless, and the dishwasher was ready for our used plates when we finished eating.
"I'm going to go check on Izzy."
"No need, there's a monitor in there...it works, I heard what you said about servants earlier."
I was speechless, but she seemed amused.
Great.
She pulled the high chair over to the dining room table, and then we sat together at the dining room table. She held hands as I prayed over the food, and once the formalities were out of the way.
Ana folded her hands in front of her plate and cleared her throat. Even though she flinched after.
"What is that about? Why do you hate it so much when people clear their throats?"
She shrugged. "Marco hated it so much. I did it one time in front of him, and he slapped me so hard that I cracked a tooth."
"Oh." She took a bite of her chicken and then took a long sip of her water before looking at me again.
"Okay, I'm ready, B. What did he say about me?"
I tried to smile at her, but it didn't feel right.
"Che Che." Dani said, and Ana sighed.
"Eat your Chi Chi." I was stunned when Dani actually nodded and continued to stuff the cereal into her mouth. "Tell me, Britt."
Even though I expected her to ask me, I was nervous to even think about Grady in front of her. After having that moment alone upstairs, I realized that I had been wrong.
"He told me that you are stuck up snob. He said that you throw your money around, that you don't even notice that the people around you aren't all rich, and you rub it in their faces."
"What I'm hearing is that YOU think that I'm a stuck up snob, is that right?"
Ana put her fork down and then tented her fingers as she leaned over her plate. I could tell that she was trying to hold in her anger, especially in front of Dani, but I wasn't sure how much longer it would last.
"NO! I don't think that. You're the most generous person that I know! You helped Quinn with school, my dad with a job, and Walker by keeping her from losing the Beans. I see who you are, baby. I just got caught up."
"If that's true, then what did you mean by all the little comments today, Brittany?" She looked like she wanted to cry. "Make it make sense."
"I guess I just...I have never noticed how you are with your money...until I was cut off by Sandra. You weren't around to help me with things. I had to worry about way more without you around. Then you bought this place like it was nothing. I had nothing while you were gone. It was kind of hard. You have never had to go through any real struggle, Ana...you don't know what it's like being without stability."
"And that makes me a snob? Does that mean our kids will be snobs, too, because guess what they are barely walking, and they both have trust funds bigger than most people make in five years. Will they be stuck up?"
I really screwed this up.
"No. Not with you as their mother. You aren't stuck up. I guess. I just...it's just...I don't know how to explain it."
"Then don't explain because everything you say just makes it worse."
"I'm trying!"
"Che Che!" She looked over at Dani, who had finished all of the cereal.
She lifted her out of the chair and got her latched on.
"Look, B. I might have money, but I try not to splurge on frivolous shit. I give back to those around me, I donate to a legal defense fund, and I try to never make people feel bad about their lives. I live on a budget."
"I know."
"Do you?"
"Yes?"
"Is that a question? Maybe you should tell Grady that I have spent my life surrounded by people who have never let me rise above the color of my skin. They always assume that I am nothing more than what I look like."
"How could anyone hate you?"
"Ask the Lima police who beat me up in custody."
"I don't know what to say. It just feels like you are just throwing the fact that you can pay things in my face."
"Say less, B. I will stop being generous. I'll let you do you, and I'll do me."
"That's not what I mean."
"Regardless of what you mean, I need you to remember that for me to have any of this money, my father had to die."
"I'm sorry."
"I don't want you to be sorry; I want you to understand my side of things."
"Okay."
"I might have grown up in that big ass house, but I spent a lot of time alone since both of my parents worked. I was so fucking lonely, B. When I wasn't there alone, I spent my childhood in Lima Heights Adjacent at Abuela's house." She was crying now as she ran her fingers through Dani's hair. She looked up at me and gave me a sad smile. "My best friend, Ari, shared her little house with all those brothers and her parents. I didn't care about that. I just wanted to be her friend."
"I know, she told me."
"If you allow Grady to come between us, there won't be an us for much longer. At the end of the day, I would give my money away if it meant that I could be happy, sober and that my kids are healthy. I'd give everything up if it meant that you never had to suffer again; that's the woman you married."
With her free hand, she was angrily stabbing at her chicken. I agreed with every word and realized that the comment that I had made...was stupid.
Grady didn't know Ana.
But I did.
Good going, blondie!
Santana's POV
Daniela latched on for about five minutes before she fell asleep. I tried to prove my point to Britt with aching breasts and a baby who kept squeezing my boob every time I moved.
I needed to run far away and get my head together.
And even though she'd been a little shit all day long, Britt took the sleeping baby out of my arms and insisted that I go get some air.
I was suspicious of her, but I didn't argue. I cleaned up my leaking nipples and then shoved my feet into my boots, grabbed my wallet and keys.
Britt still hadn't come back out to the dining room, I felt no reason to wait, so I didn't.
Stepping back out into the New York City streets made me feel alive.
There was foot traffic in every direction, and I melded right in.
First, I walked across the street and was whistled at in a matter of seconds.
"Yo! Santi, is that you?"
I whipped around, knowing only select people called me that. I longed for Nico, and being here without him would be a constant reminder that he was dead. When I turned, I came face to face with Marco's old doorman.
He was another one of Nico's angels.
"Javi, God, how is this city so small? How are you?"
"Great, still working down the street. How are you?"
"I'm okay, just moved in over there." I pointed back across the street, and he gave a low whistle.
"Pricey place, you're not still...you know?"
"No. I stopped a long time ago. I'm married and a mom now."
"No shit?!"
"Yup."
"I know your doorman, Damian. Good guy, also a friend of our mutual friend, may he rest in peace." We both crossed ourselves,s and then he patted my shoulder. "Tell him I said hi; I'll send him a message to be on the lookout for you."
"Thanks, Javi."
"Anything for Nico's girl. You look much healthier than when I last saw you. Whatever you're doing, keep it up."
"Will do."
"Good."
I stopped at the store to get a pack of cigarettes, but then I thought of Isaac and how his lungs have been iffy lately.
Maybe being in the city now meant I needed to start my new life plan, and smoking didn't have to be a part.
So I bought a pack of sugar straws and some chocolate.
The bodega was only a block away from home, but I took the long way, going around the block and down three streets before circling back.
Doing that took me past Marco's old place...a place that I hadn't seen since I took all of that coke.
That same piano was now sitting in my new place, a job that I had recruited Johnny to help me with since Sandra wouldn't let me have the keys.
I had yet to go up to our loft to see it, but he'd assured me it was there.
When I got back to our building, there sat a squat little dude with glasses doing a crossword.
"Evening, miss." He said with a polite smile.
"Hi, are you Damian?"
"Who's asking?"
"Javi told me to introduce myself; I'm Santi. Just moved into PH2 with my wife and kids."
He looked me up and down, then nodded.
"It's nice to meet you. If you need anything...just let me know."
"Thanks."
I didn't have much else to say to him, so I headed to the elevator feeling calmer than when I left.
Hopefully, Britt felt that way too.
Brittany's POV
There was a knock on our door soon after Ana left.
I checked the peephole and saw a face that I didn't recognize.
So I opened the door.
"Yes?"
"Hi, I'm Consuelo. I live in PH1. We're neighbors. I just wanted to welcome you to the building before I forgot."
She handed me a bottle of wine and a card. And people say New Yorkers aren't friendly!
"Oh, hi! I'm Brittany. Do you want to come in?"
"Actually, I would love that, but I left my 5-year-old alone, raincheck?"
"Definitely, we have a two-year-old and an 11-month-old."
"Oh, nice! I have a 2-year-old too; he's with the 5-year-old. We should have a playdate. My number is on the card."
"Thanks!"
I watched her walk to the end of the hall and then shut the door.
At least we had a friendly neighbor.
"Mama. Izzy wet." I turned from the door to see Izzy standing there naked, holding his wet diaper out to me.
"I'm getting you a potty. It's time, Buddy."
"Time?"
"Yes. Come on, let's get you cleaned up." I put the wine on the counter, and then I picked him up and swung him around.
After a quick bath, I got Izzy into comfortable jammies and then put a bib on him before putting him in the highchair. He grinned at me as I put the plate that Ana had already served for him.
She'd cut up his chicken and made him those little potato smiley faces.
He was so excited that he did a little dance.
While he ate, I cracked open the wine and poured myself a full glass.
"Jugo, Mama?" Izzy asked.
My mood was way better than it had been before. I poured juice into his sippy cup and then handed it to him.
"Cheers." I said as I tapped my glass against his cup.
"Cheers!" He said back.
"Are you kidding me, Brittany?" I turned to see Ana shutting the door. "Where did you get wine?"
"Our new neighbor."
"Yes, Consuelo. She's really nice."
"Oh yeah? Is she hot?"
"Didn't notice."
"Is it for both of us?"
"You want some?"
"You're younger than me...if you get to drink, so do I but just a little glass."
"Okay." From what I knew, she hadn't had a drink since I discovered her stash back in Lima. I poured her small glass, and she tapped Izzy's cup too.
"Cheers, Papa."
"Cheers!"
Santana's POV
I'm trying to go with the flow since Britt seems to be in better spirits. She's in such a good mood that giving me wine didn't seem like a big deal to her but after one sip of the wine and everything in me told me that I didn't need another.
The taste of it turned sour in my mouth when I saw Britt refill her glass. Her eyes looked glazed, and she began swaying to music that existed only in her head.
Once Isaac was done eating, I pulled him onto the couch next to me and read him a story.
Seeing that I wasn't going to join her dance party, Britt wandered off. I said a silent prayer, asking God to not let my wife turn into my father. Mami hadn't reined Papi in when he started drinking and quickly lost control of him.
That wasn't how my kids would grow up; I'd defend them with my dying breath.
"What does the cow say?"
"Mooooo!"
"And what does the duck say?"
"Quack Quack Quack."
"Good job! What does the owl say?"
He shrugged.
"Hoot, Hoot." I told him and fixed his lips to respond, but then there was a thud up in the loft, followed by a crash.
"What happens?" Isaac asked.
"I don't know, Mama is being silly up there."
"I go?"
"Um..." I wasn't sure what was happening up there, but I couldn't leave him wandering around. "Sure."
I lifted him onto my hip and then stepped into the elevator and let Isaac hit the up button. His eyes lit up. Terror flashed through me; I'd have to make sure we childproofed the elevator somehow.
When the door clicked open, Britt was sitting on the floor with her back against the window. Her body was shaking, and she was making a sound between a whimper and chuckle.
"B?"
She wiped at her face and smiled for Isaac.
"Come here, Buddy."
"B, you're drunk. I'd rather you not hold him when you're like this."
"Are you serious?" She was stunned and knew that she would bring up me doing drugs when I was pregnant, but then she didn't. She just nodded. "Okay, yeah, that's fine."
"I know it's fine. Look, Mami is supposed to be coming over tonight with dinner to discuss what you should be doing tomorrow."
"And it begins."
"What begins?"
"Your family showing up whenever they want and telling us what to do."
"I just came up here to see if you're okay; obviously, you're still alive. I'll just cancel with Mami. I'm sorry that my family is such a burden for you, B."
"And here comes the guilt trip."
"Mama, hurt?" Isaac was staring between us as we bickered, concern written all over his face.
"Mama is fine, Papa. We are going to let her dance. We are going to finish that book."
"Moooo!"
"Ha! Yes, Moooo!"
I was over Britt's spiral. She had come downstairs while I was reading and made a ruckus as she emptied the wine bottle, then ransacked the fridge. Isaac and I watched her as she juggled a plate of food and a glass of wine. She went back up the stairs without a word to either of us.
"Ma!" Daniela called from the monitor.
"Looks like your story is done, Papa."
He didn't seem to care because he was just as nosey as I was.
We went to check on Daniela, who was awake from her late nap.
There was still about three hours before bedtime that I needed to kill on my own since I wasn't going to subject Mami to Britt's buffoonery.
Our neighbor had just made a fucking enemy out of me by giving my wife alcohol.
I could hear the thumps of her dancing above Daniela's room and figured that was how she woke up.
While the kids watched, I emptied all of the toys from the closet and set them up around the room.
So much of the place seemed empty; the white walls and wood floor seemed impersonal, which was the opposite of what the kids needed.
If Britt wasn't going to help me, then I was just going to have to be an interior designer by my damn self.
After Daniela's room seem more like a kids' room, they toddled after me into Isaac's room, where we did the same thing, emptying his closet of his toy box and mountain of Elmo toys.
Fuck it.
"You room now?" Isaac asked as we finished.
I nodded and took my time walking down the hall to my room, checking behind me for them. Daniela had given up trying to walk and was crawling.
My room was enormous, way too big for me and B, but it had a window seat with a great Manhattan view.
Our new plastic-covered mattress sat on the bed frame; I figured that was where I could start. I grabbed clean sheets and put them on the side table before tearing off the plastic from the bed. Isaac tried to pull, but he wasn't strong enough, but each little bit he got, I made a big deal about it.
I could hear Britt moving around again, but I tried not to focus on it.
Once the plastic was off the bed and securely shoved away from the kids, I made the bed.
Mami had bought us fresh sheets and washed them with her detergent. The smell of home comforted me but would probably bring out yet another smart-ass remark from Britt.
I wasn't sure how much longer I could last with her bitterness.
"Jump?" Isaac asked, and while usually, I would have been against it, I nodded and tossed my two babies onto the bed. They rolled around but never out of arms reach; I couldn't have them bruised up and crying...not when Britt was always ready to attack my parenting.
They were squealing and laughing, which was Britt's favorite noise, so I wasn't surprised when she found us a few minutes later.
"Party in bed!" She yelled out.
"Wanky." I muttered, and she grinned.
I didn't say anything while she began tickling the kids, their squeals turning to little screams until Isaac screamed out.
"Izzy pee, Izzy pee! Mama! Stop!" She only hesitated before tickling him again. Then he, of course, did pee and began to cry.
"Hey! No crybabies allowed!" She said to him, which I didn't like. She'd provoked him and then wanted to reprimand him for getting upset.
"That's enough, B. Go get some diapers...it's time for dinner and then bathtime.
She saluted me and then went off to do my bidding.
Thankfully.
Brittany's POV
My medication has always made the effects of alcohol much stronger.
I didn't mean to get drunk and say things that didn't need to be told, but there was no putting the toothpaste back in the tube.
Everything I did only made it worse.
She canceled dinner with her mom and just fed the kids leftovers from lunch.
They had a long day of travel, so despite their naps in the middle of the day, once they ate and had a bath, she got them to sleep easily.
I lingered on the edges of every room she was in, offering my help, but she'd just glare at me and say no.
At least, I had kept my hands to myself.
Once the kids were in bed, she began cleaning up around the apartment, ignoring me.
I sat on the couch when she put on her jacket and told me she needed to get air.
"Don't get high." I said because my mouth didn't know how to shut the fuck.
"Don't get any drunker. I'll be right back, watch tv or play on your phone. The kids shouldn't be any trouble."
"I won't get drunker. Promise me you won't go get high."
"I promise. I'm just going to the bodega down the street."
"For cigarettes?"
"Yes."
"Fine. At least it's not drugs. Come right back, please?"
"I will."
And she did. She was only gone for about ten minutes; I barely had time to miss her before she came back smelling like smoke.
"Already?" I asked, and she nodded. I went to hug her, but she shook her head.
"No. You stink, go shower." She said.
"You stink too."
"I know that B and I don't really give a shit. I'm going to have another, and I'll shower after...you go first."
"Fine."
"Fine."
She went out onto the balcony to smoke, and I watched her light up, then she went over to the railing and stared off.
I'd done this to her...more than once now. She wouldn't fit into these boxes that I had always had been able to hold her in...instead, she was growing, and I was resisting it. I knew that it was unfair.
There weren't many people in my corner; I knew that I needed to get my shit together and be better to her.
So, I went left her alone and went to take the world's coldest shower. When I began to sober up, I made the water warmer. Regret filled me as I came down; I couldn't go on like this.
Our walk-in closet separated the bathroom from the bedroom. I stood inside of it and noticed new bottles of my favorite products. I wanted to have an attitude about it, but I couldn't because she wasn't the only person benefiting from other people's help, so was I.
If I continued to come down on her for crap other people put in my head, I'd be a hypocrite if I wasn't coming down on myself as well.
I finished putting on lotion and brushed my hair in Ana's old vanity when I felt a presence.
When I looked into the mirror, there she stood, her eyes bloodshot and her face wet.
"You were crying...because of me?"
She shrugged and then quickly wiped at her face.
"I'm going to take a shower and clear my head."
I moved closer to her, but she took a step back, so I didn't move again.
"Tell me how to fix this, Ana, please?" I whispered.
"My walls are down B...I'm so open to you right now...I want this to work. I just...I don't understand why you would treat me like this and say such awful shit."
The cigarettes had made her voice thicker and a little deeper, somehow sexier, but now wasn't the time to think like that. I had been deflecting all of her moments of vulnerability by having sexy times.
But I had to give her more than that; I had to be more than that, or she'd go right back to falling apart.
"I didn't mean to offend you. The wine relaxed me though, I thought it would make things easier, but it didn't. I didn't mean anything I said in the way it sounded."
"Then how did you mean it?" She whispered as she leaned against the door frame looking defeated.
"I don't even know. I have been going over and over in my head what I was even thinking at that moment, and I don't even know. All I know is that I love you so much, and I can see now how much he was wrong about you."
"Did you not see it before when he said it to you?"
"Come sit with me, so we can talk this out."
"No. I can't be next to you right now, B. I need to take a shower and get away from you."
It felt like she stabbed me in the chest.
I hated when she purposely kept her distance from me.
It hurt.
Santana's POV
I was miserable.
The cigarettes hadn't done anything but make me stink and feel wheezy.
I'd been trying to figure out what was next for me when she knocked on the glass wall of the shower.
"Yes?"
"Please don't cry, just tell me what to do."
She looked pitiful, but I had to keep my chin up and not allow her to manipulate my emotions for another second.
"I just need you to get it all out of your system. Today could have been a great day, B, and you made it into this terrible experience. You were a brat, and then you got drunk; I know that you're stressed, but I will NOT be your punching bag."
"Can I come in?"
"You already showered."
"Please, I need to be able to see you clearly."
"So you can just tell me more shit that Grady said?"
"No."
"You let him get under your skin and say whatever he wanted about the woman you claim to love; why would I want to be near you?"
She didn't wait for me to give her permission; instead, she stripped out of her pajamas and came into the shower, pulling the door closed behind her.
I knew that I was glaring, but the smirk on her face showed that she thought it was adorable.
"Why did you come in here, B?"
"I wanted to explain myself to your face. I couldn't see you with all the steam."
"You sure you can stomach the smell of me?"
"Of course, I can."
"Okay, well, talk then or get the fuck out."
"Wow, okay. I guess the best answer I have is that I'm used to it."
"Used to it?"
"Everyone that I've ever dated or hooked up with has talked shit about you. It's normal to me."
"That's pretty fucked up, B."
"I know, and in the past, I paid them no mind but somehow Grady into my head."
"Why do you think that is?"
"I was vulnerable. When Sandra cut me off and dealt with stuff on my own, I felt abandoned. You always spoiled me; even before we were dating, you bought us matching bracelets." She held out her wrist and shook the silver bracelet that she wore to match mine...only I had stopped wearing mine a long time ago.
"Are you saying that I was too generous?"
"Grady didn't put it that way; he said you were buying people's love. He kept twisting every good thing that I said about you until I started to agree with him."
"How could you? You know me better than anyone."
The laugh she let out was cold as she shook her head, "I used to think that, but then I saw you with Ari and countless other people who all know you better than me."
"I'm sorry."
"No, you don't need to be in any of this. It's on me. I'm carrying around this bitterness towards you because...well...I just wanted you to save me...to be my knight. When I was on that table at the clinic...I kept hoping that somehow you would know and would come running through the door to save me. You knew that I was pregnant; you knew that I had no money."
"He was using you, B. Sandra cut you off in ways that I never would, but you know I wouldn't have let you go without. I would never have cut you off but as rich as your boy toy thought I was...I have limitations. I don't control the money...Sandra does...and she saw right through him. She knew that he was going to try and take everything from you. She was protecting our family and protecting you, believe it or not...and once he knew that you were cut off...once he knew he couldn't get a penny out of you...he left you."
"That's a lie." She snapped and then quickly slapped a hand over her mouth.
Where had that come from?
Was she seriously defending Grady over me?
"Get out, B."
"No...I didn't mean that."
"But you did...let me finish my shower in peace."
This time she didn't argue. She left me there feeling gutted.
It would have been better if she had never come into the shower in the first place.
Brittany's POV
I paced the bedroom back and forth after making sure to take my nighttime medicine.
There was a whimper from one of the kids, so I left the room to go investigate.
Izzy had lost his Elmo; I found it, tucked it under his arm, and then went back to the room.
In one of my old shirts, she was twisting her damp hair into a towel on top of her head and wasted no time launching right back into our conversation.
"Did you really think I was lying to you? You really think he cared about you, Britt?"
"Yes...No? I don't know."
I pressed a hand to my stomach, where my baby should be, as I sat on the edge of the bed. Ana walked closer to me, but I shook my head...I needed the space now.
"Britt." She whispered as she came closer. "I wouldn't lie to you about this. I love you. I will always love you, and if I could have been your knight that day, I would have."
With that, my resolve broke, and I let her wrap her arms around me. I cried against her like I had been avoiding all day long. My bratty attitude was gone, replaced by all of the sadness that I had thought I left behind in New York.
Being back here only reminded me of what I had lost before going to Lima. I hadn't wanted to come back, but it was time to face reality.
The thing about my relationship that I was really starting to like is that Ana has learned my limit and will stop an argument before it escalates to something more.
It's what she'd been trying to do all day long, but I had resisted her until now.
She crawled in the bed next to me and twisted the blanket in her hands as she spoke.
"Look...there is a lot that we need to work through, tomorrow is a big day for you, and I want that to be our complete focus. I don't want you to worry about where we stand. I'm still here, I still want to work at it, if you do. We can talk more about Grady and figure out what other things are hang-ups when you're ready."
"I would prefer to not talk about it at all." I said as I wiped away my tears.
"That's not really an option, B."
"Why not?"
She was choosing her words carefully. I appreciated it even if I was pissed that she wouldn't let me just forget about things.
"Because our relationship is never going to grow if we push stuff away...that's what we have always done, and it doesn't work for us, it just tears us apart."
"Fine. We won't talk about it until I'm ready."
"Don't drag it out, B."
"Look, you're right, tomorrow is a big day, and I'm tired...I'm going to sleep. Goodnight."
"Are you seriously mad that I won't let you just ignore shit?"
"Good night!" I said again as I laid down and pulled the covers over my head.
"Fine, good night."