Bad Habits (Ed Sheeran)
JULY
Brittany's POV
Mom and Dad stayed longer than I expected because they enjoyed the sun and beach, and I didn't mind because it meant free childcare.
They kept pushing Ana and me to go do things together, and for the first week that she was home, that's what we did.
Dinner dates.
Long walks on the beach.
Sexy times, none that let me top her, though.
She'd have one orgasm, then she'd say red, and I'd have to stop, so getting her to eight orgasms seemed to be taking forever.
I was itching to have her under me, but she had other plans.
"Fuck!" She groaned when I caught her washing dishes one morning after Mom and Dad took the kids for a walk on the beach. Ana was wearing booty shorts, and I pulled her away from the sink before shoving my fingers in her panties. She rested back against me, chanting, "Yes, yes, yes." Over and over again while I rubbed her clit.
"This is eight, Baby." I whispered, and she nodded.
"Yessss."
"After my mixer tonight, I'm going to come home and-" I started to say, but she jerked away from me and took a step back.
"Another mixer?" She asked, looking flustered as she adjusted her shorts.
I licked my fingers and watched her shudder. "Yes, for work."
"Will you be drinking?"
"Probably, that's what most of these are, drinks and hanging out. Do you want to come?"
"No."
"Why not? Everyone else brings their person, and you're mine."
"I can't be in that environment, B. It's too tempting."
"But you've been sober for almost a year, and you were never addicted to alcohol."
"And I'd like to keep it that way. If you stay home, we can have sexy times still...I'll even do that thing you like."
"You...would?"
"Yes."
"Okay, I'll stay home." I pulled her close to me again, and she cupped my face kissing me hard.
I tried to sneak my hand back into her shorts, but then I heard the screen door creak open and the sound of little voices.
Ana cackled. "Still seven, Britt Britt. Better luck next time." She patted my cheek and went back to washing the dishes.
Rude.
AUGUST
Santana's POV
Once Rob and Susan were gone, things in the house changed.
The kids were now fully on me to take care of, and I felt intimidated by the prospect of being home with them.
But I had been smart in getting them set up in school, which would give me some time to myself.
Only, Isaac didn't take well to this new place at first.
I took them to drop-off, and he looked up at me with murder in his eyes.
"This is it, Papa, the school that I showed you. Remember?"
"Yes."
"With new friends."
"No, thank you." He said, as sweet as pie.
"Yes. You and Beba have to go; it's to make your brain strong."
"I already strong, see?" He flexed his little muscle.
"Mami, we go?" Daniela said, pulling me towards the building, but then Isaac pulled me in a different direction.
I knew then that a meltdown was coming.
A teacher thankfully came over to save me.
"Hi, I'm Director Saul. You must be Santana Lopez?"
"Yes...Isaac is having a rough start."
"I'll take Daniela inside to her classroom and give you another moment."
"Thank you."
She took Daniela's hand and led her away, I thought the kid would miss me a little, but she didn't even look back at us. She happily chattered with the director and skipped towards the building.
Isaac let go of my hand and laid on the ground.
So I sat down on the curb next to him and waited for him to cry.
But he surprised me.
"You'll come back?" He asked as he laid there like a starfish.
"Yes."
"Izzy, be good; you come back faster?"
"No. You should be good no matter what. I will come to pick you up at 3."
He looked at his little digital watch where I had programmed pickup time.
"3?"
"Yes."
He held up his pinky, and I gave it a squeeze.
Once he was assured that I would be returning, he got up and held his hand out to me.
"I'm ready."
Thank God.
After dropping off the kids, I drove to a meeting.
It was kind of a big deal for me, so I had begged Britt to come, but she had a class.
I walked into the meeting alone, trying my best to remind myself that sobriety was a lonely journey.
But then I sat down, and there was Britt right across from me with a smile on her face.
"Surprise." She mouthed.
We sat through the meeting, and then I collected my 1-year chip.
As we left, Britt threw her arm over my shoulders and kissed my forehead.
"I'm proud of you, Baby."
"Thanks, Britt Britt. I thought you had a class."
"Yeah, I got all the way to campus and turned around. How was drop off?"
"Isaac almost had a meltdown, but instead, I pinky promised my way out of it."
"Solid...don't break the promise, okay?"
"Of course not."
"So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?"
"I have studio time booked with Mercedes today. We're going to start working on our album."
"Together?"
"She's producing me."
"You didn't tell me that."
"I didn't?"
"Nope."
"Well, she is...I'm excited."
"Have fun. See you tonight...I might be able to make my next class if I leave now."
She kissed my lips, then hugged me super tight.
It was like God had shoved the rules aside for the day. Everything that could go wrong was going right instead.
And even though I was tempted to default to the negative, expecting the worst, I wasn't going to feed into that feeling.
I had to feed my joy.
SEPTEMBER
Brittany's POV
"Where's Santana?" I sat at the end of a long table as we gathered as instructors and students, everyone had their date next to them, and the chair beside me was empty.
"Not sure."
Where are you?-Britt
"Should we order?" Gabby asked from across the table, her flavor of the week right next to her.
I looked down at my phone, with no response still.
Then I looked up at Gabby.
"Yeah, let's order."
I ordered a drink and an appetizer while everyone else ordered full meals. I had hoped that Ana would show up, but an hour went by, and I was on my third drink, with no text or call.
It'd been like this since she came home. Every single time there was an event, she canceled or stood me up.
My co-workers tried to not say anything, but I could always see them staring at me with pity.
And I understood it at first when it came to mixers at bars. She wasn't coming, but this was at a family restaurant with some people only drinking water.
Ana?-Britt
I had even hired a babysitter so that Ana could meet me at the restaurant, but the check came, and still, I had no date.
"Maybe next time." Gabby said as she dropped her AMEX on the bill. "Don't worry about paying. You barely ate."
"You sure?"
"Yup."
I downed the last of my drink and then got up from the table before anyone else.
All eyes were on me, but I just waved at them and made my way to the street.
I was just about to cross to head to the bus stop when an iron grip was on my shoulder, pulling me back just before a car came swooshing by.
"Whoa, you were about to get yourself killed. Let me take you home." Gabby said, looking me over. "Are you okay, B? Ever since she's been in L.A., you have been unfocused and sad."
"I'm fine." I said, trying to smile, but then the tears came. "Fuck, I'm sorry." She pulled me into a hug and let me cry against her shoulder.
"What's going on?" I heard Ana's voice from behind me, and I stepped away from Gabby.
"You came." I said, wiping away my tears.
"Of course I came. I know that I'm late, I'm sorry...Isaac had a meltdown; I couldn't just leave him like that...I'm so sorry. Once he was calm, I left."
I nodded. "Okay...it's fine."
"I would have called, but I left my phone at the studio." She looked away after saying that, which meant she was lying. It hurt that she felt like she needed to do that after all this time, but she was sober.
That seemed to be the trade-off, Ana let me down, but she was sober.
Ana cursed too much in front of the kids, but she was sober.
I wasn't getting enough alone time with her, but at least she was sober.
But now, I needed more than that.
Her excuses weren't enough anymore.
"We were going to head to Scoops for dessert. Did you want to come?" Gabby said to us both, and before I could turn her down because I didn't want anyone else to see me looking like a crying mess, Ana cut in.
"Yes!"
Ana wiped my face, then kissed my lips. "I'll make it up to you, B. However, you want."
She smirked at me, but I was at the point that even sex wasn't enough.
I needed more.
She was doing too much.
When I wanted her to go somewhere with me, she was busy, or something happened with the kids.
If Mercedes called, she was always ready to go. It didn't matter if it was a babysitter or leaving the kids with me; she was out of the house within minutes.
And she never missed a meeting or therapy.
But when I wanted her with me, even if it was just a coffee date with Gabby, she suddenly couldn't make time.
The only time she seemed to make for me was bending over and letting me fuck her to sleep.
She was letting me spank her, twist her up, and even fuck her out on the beach; it seemed like she was trying to do to me what she used to do to guys in high school.
Or to Marco...or Ian...or anyone else that she wanted to get something out of.
Fucking them stupid to distract them, but I didn't need sex like she did.
I liked sex, it was fun, and people's orgasm faces were always amusing, but my surgery had taken away that urge I used to have.
So, I did something unpredictable after the third time she canceled on me in a week.
I cut her off.
Only I didn't tell her.
Instead, while she got undressed and pulled out my favorite strap on, I set my alarm for work, took a sleeping pill, and knocked out.
And the next morning, when she was passed out with her hand between her legs from rubbing it out all night, I didn't bother waking her up like I normally did; I left her there.
She didn't even realize I was moving around, as I fed the kids and then took them to school before heading to UCLA.
It was only then that she realized that I was fed up with her.
Why are you mad at me?-Ana
I opened the message because I knew she could tell if I did, but I didn't respond.
Seriously? No answer?-Ana
I looked at that message and then decided that while I was pissed at her, I didn't want to push her over any edges.
Have a good day.-Britt
And then I put my phone on do not disturb, with the only exception being the school and my parents.
If she didn't have time for me, then I didn't have time for her.
Gabby met me for breakfast, and we spent the day shopping since it was my off day.
I had planned to spend the day with Ana, but she didn't get my time...not until she put me first for once.
OCTOBER
Santana's POV
Britt had thrown the whole strike system out the window.
Instead, we were back to the time before I got custody back, where she primarily took care of the kids.
No matter how early I tried to get up, she got up before me and got the kids started with their day.
And she signed them up for van pick-ups in the mornings, so there was no more dropping them off.
After one week of the van pick-ups, Isaac was tantrum-less. Not seeing me leave him seemed to be working more than my method.
Britt felt justified in her parenting, and I felt relieved.
She'd changed her school schedule now and was picking up the kids on her way home.
I could tell she'd done it because she was pissed at me, but instead, it felt like she was making my life easier and giving me more time to record.
Which was something, so even though we weren't having sex anymore, we seemed to hit a stride.
But then, one day, I came home to another woman in my house playing with my kids while Britt sat at the dining room table studying.
"Who the hell is playing with our kids?" I said to her, trying to keep my voice down.
"Our new nanny."
"We don't need a nanny, Brittany."
"Yes, we do." She went right back to highlighting, ignoring my frustration.
I leaned over and slammed her textbook closed.
"Brittany, we agreed to make decisions about the kids together. I've honored that agreement. Why are you breaking it?"
"You are busy with recording your album, and I have school. The kids need more than school and this house...so our amazing new nanny is going to make sure they are getting to their after-school activities."
"They don't have any."
"But they do. I signed up Dani for a drum circle, and Izzy will be with Matt. He's coaching little league. He agreed to bring him home after as long as someone could drop him off at the field. You always have something going on, so I figured, why should we continue to stress you out. I can't be here all the time because I have mixers that I HAVE to be at, and the kids need more than you can give them."
Her words hurt, but I couldn't let her get to me.
"And you trust this...this...woman?" I was trying so hard not to be an asshole about this woman that I barely knew.
"She is a former teacher at the kids' school, and before you ask, she wasn't fired from there. Her husband was in the army, and they moved away for a few years. Now she's back for good and wanted to be a nanny instead. She advertised at the school, and I managed to get her before anyone else did."
"And how are we paying her because she is not in my budget."
"That's fine." Britt looked annoyed because money wasn't something we argued about anymore. I had always preached that what was mine was hers, and what was hers was hers. She had Broadway money and still owned the apartments in TriBeCa since she didn't want to put them under my property management. "I already paid her in full for the week; if she does well, I'll have her sign a contract; I called Sal, he got one set up for me."
"You called Sal?"
"Of course I did."
"Mami?" Daniela called me, her drum in her hand. "Play?"
I glared at Britt, but she wasn't even looking at me anymore.
"Sure, Beba."
"Piano?"
I shook my head. There had been no place for my piano in our small beach house, which was why I was always anxious to get to the studio.
"Keyboard."
Daniela wasn't impressed, she missed sitting on top of my piano while I played with her, and she couldn't do that with my keyboard that was shoved in the corner of the living room.
"No, thank you." She walked away from me, and I hated it.
When I looked over at Britt, she quickly put her head down.
I felt a shake in my hands and grabbed my keys. "I um...need some air." I said before leaving the house.
The cravings were still plaguing me, and the sickness that the shots had helped curb was making a comeback.
But I wouldn't let that happen.
Brittany's POV
Never underestimate a woman with no job and millions of dollars at her disposal.
I had gotten under her skin with the new nanny, and really, I had only gotten her so fast because I felt like she wouldn't be available for long.
When the nanny left that night, two hours after Ana did, I knew she was a good fit because Izzy seemed sad to see her go.
He didn't get attached to people easily, but in one day, he had.
"Where, Mami?" He said to me once the nanny was gone.
"Let's call her." I said and then called her phone while two sets of eyes stared up at me.
But the call went to voicemail.
Three times.
Where are you?-Britt
But ten minutes went by without a response.
"She's not answering. Let's make our night plan while we wait, okay?"
"Okay!" They both yelled.
"Good, first we eat dinner. Repeat."
"Eat dinner." They both said.
"Bueno." I said to them and then nodded. "After dinner, we play for 1 hour. Repeat."
"Play for 1 hour!" They said.
"Bueno." They were both smiling, "After you play, Dani gets a bath, Izzy plays with the tablet. Repeat."
"Bath!" Dani said.
"Tablet." Izzy said, looking jealous because he always liked getting a bath first, but we tried to flip it each night, to be fair.
"Bueno. What's next?"
"Bath with bubbles!" Izzy said.
"Tablet guppies!" Dani said.
"Yes, Izzy gets a bubble bath, and Dani gets to watch bubble guppies on her tablet."
We talked about the next steps, but I never once mentioned Ana like I normally did when she was late at the studio because I wasn't sure if she'd be back.
It wasn't like her to not tell me where she was going, especially at night.
The kids, thankfully, didn't seem to notice.
Even when we got through the whole list and I was tucking them in bed, they didn't fuss because I had worn them out by adding activities to their nightly routine.
We'd even danced after bath time.
So their normal 9pm bedtime became 10:45pm.
And still, my wife hadn't come home.
It was the first time that she had missed bedtime since she came out of rehab. I was worried.
Santana's POV
It was early morning when I climbed off the elevator and knocked softly on the big black door.
My mind was still racing hours after I walked out of the beach house, with my mind focused on fixing my cravings.
When the door opened, Quinn looked at me in shock.
"How are you here?"
"I just got in and came straight to you."
"Did I know you were coming? Sorry that I forgot, baby brain."
"No, you didn't forget. Can I come in?"
She stepped back and opened the door further.
It was just past 4am, and my sister was already painting, but she had a sleeping baby strapped to her chest this time.
She didn't even look my way as she mixed her oils.
"Let's go to my room. She's in a zone." I followed Q to her bedroom, and then she went from quiet and cautious to very concerned. "What the hell is going on?"
"The cravings are back...I've been sick again. It's been getting worse; I had a fight with B...I left the house to score, but I kept thinking about everything I lost last time, so I drove to LAX, got on the first plane to New York, and now I'm here."
"Shit." She began to pace, her mind spinning as she looked me over, and then went back to pacing. "Does Britt know where you are?"
"No."
"Well, start there, let her know that you're not in a gutter somewhere."
"Right." I took my phone out of my pocket and turned off airplane mode.
The texts came through one after another, each one more concerned than the next.
At first, she had been snarky, but by the last one, I could tell she was worried.
Just let me know you're okay, please?-Britt
So I called her, and she picked up immediately.
"Where are you?"
"New York."
"What?!"
"My phone was off because I was on the plane. I needed to see Q."
"Are you sober?"
"I am."
"Since when?" She knew the questions to ask; I was happy that she knew to ask that.
"Last year."
"Good girl." She growled, and I shivered. It'd been a while since she even hinted at anything sexual with me; I missed her. "Put Quinn on the phone."
I handed the phone to Quinn, and she practically snatched it from me.
She dropped her voice down better than I ever could, her rasp covering her words so that I could barely hear her.
The call went on for longer than I thought it would before she ended it.
And from the look on her face, I could see that Britt had given her specific instructions.
"So, can you fix me?" I asked her.
"I'll make some calls. Let's go upstairs and see your sister."
"What did Britt say?"
"That you shouldn't be alone and that you should be near your piano."
"What else?"
"Just to keep an eye on you, and that you should call back in the morning to talk to your kids."
"Is that how she said it? YOUR kids?"
"Yes."
"I missed bedtime once in a whole year, and she's reminding me that I have a responsibility to them like I haven't been there? That bitch. I've worked my ass off, and this is how she repays me!" I was yelling now, and then I heard the stomp of footsteps and the room door swinging open.
Celia glared as she held her hand against Quincy's ear, and then she looked confused.
"Ana?"
"Hi."
"I don't know why you're here, but unless you want to deal with a fussy baby, I'm going to need you to be quiet." She kissed my head, with her still sleeping baby still strapped to her, before leaving us alone again.
Motherhood looked good on her.
For three weeks, I squatted between my sisters' apartments while Quinn called in a favor at the Mayo clinic to get me a set of booster shots.
I felt like shit the last week of October because I had planned to take the kids trick-or-treating and had even gotten them costumes early, but I was stuck in New York.
They were going to be Yoshi and Princess Peach.
They were excited about it, I was excited about it, and Britt was excited about it because afterward, I had agreed to go out clubbing with her and her coworkers to celebrate her birthday.
But instead, I spent Halloween huddled up in front of my piano with a fever and shaking hands.
I called Britt, and she took one look at me and passed the phone to Isaac.
He was so excited to see me and asked when I was coming home, and I promised him as soon as I felt better.
And he nodded, seeming content with my absence finally.
Daniela, though, seemed pissed. She took one look at me and handed the phone back to Isaac, who was more than happy to have me all to himself.
I asked him questions about school, about his teacher, and about Mama.
He filled me in as much as he could.
Mama picked him up from school and took him to baseball.
He wanted me to go to baseball.
And then he told me about not being able to breathe.
He said he fell and his chest hurt, like last time.
I wasn't sure what that meant, but I had to ask when he gave the phone back to B, even though she had a pink face from crying.
"Hey, birthday woman." I said to her, and she tried to smile.
"Hey."
"I'm sorry I'm not there. These booster shots kicked my ass."
"Quinn said you waited too long to tell them you were sick."
"I know."
"You didn't tell me either."
"I'm sorry."
"You say that a lot."
"I know."
She was crying again. "Izzy is fine; he had an asthma attack at school, he fell down, and there was some panic, but they got me on the phone; I talked them through a treatment. He went to the doctor yesterday; it was just a flare-up. A kid had their dad's cologne on, and it bothered Izzy. The teachers have notified the parents to be sensitive to other kids with fragrances."
"Oh good...please don't cry, B."
"I'm fine. I just... a lot is going on at work and school. I'm overwhelmed. I just wish you were here."
"Me too, but hey, you're going trick-or-treating still, right?"
"Yeah, Matt is coming over with his wife and kids. We're going to go together."
"Great! Are you still going clubbing?"
"Yeah, Gabby is picking me up at 10. My Mom should be here by that time, so at least the kids will be with family for the night."
"Are you staying out?"
"We are going to a club a block from Gabby's apartment, so I'm going to crash there. There's a lot of drunk drivers out on Halloween."
"That's smart. I hope you have a blast; send me pictures."
"Okay...bye." She said and ended the call.
I stared at the blank screen and knew that we were moving backward in our relationship.
L.A. had been all about a fresh start, but we'd failed miserably on our own.
And I had left her there for three whole weeks.
I felt like a shitty human being.
But I was doing this for us...I was getting sick, and instead of relapsing, I got help...I just hadn't included her in it.
Just like she hadn't included me in their activities or hiring a nanny.
I was spiteful at first, but it didn't feel satisfying to have gotten her back...it felt hollow.
I love you always.-Britt
When the text lit up the dark screen, I broke. She was still trying.
And I needed to do the same.
I LOVE YOU! Para Siempre!-Ana
NOVEMBER
Santana's POV
I came home in the same way that I left, without anyone knowing.
Once I felt better, I left a note for my sisters and Quinn before catching a cab to LaGuardia at dawn.
By the time that I got home, the kids and Britt were already at school.
The house smelled musty, there were dishes from breakfast on the counter, and everything had fingerprints.
And I was never more grateful.
I turned up Marc Anthony, opened up the windows, and got to work deep cleaning the house back to the way that I liked it.
By the time that the car pulled into the driveway, I had just packed all the lunches for the next day and was about to start serving dinner.
The door opened, and in came two monsters running straight for the kitchen.
"Mami!" They screamed. I knelt and held my arms open for them. A month had been too long, they were both taller, but Isaac looked skinnier.
"How are you?"
"Good!" They sang at me.
"They did well at baseball and drum circle, their school had no complaints, and I filled the gas tank. Will you need me this evening?" The nanny said, breaking up my reunion.
I'd been expecting Britt, but she hadn't been the one to come home.
I kissed the kids and then sent them to take off their shoes.
When I looked at the nanny, a Latina with gorgeous chocolate eyes, I felt irritated. She was not the nanny that I had met a month before. "You're new." I said, trying to keep my temper under control.
"I just started a week ago. Brittany said the kids needed someone that felt more like home to them; I guess she wanted someone like you." She said, raising an eyebrow, and I nodded.
"Right."
"Will you be staying?" She had the fucking nerve to ask me in MY house.
"Yes. Do you know what time Britt's coming home?"
"She's not; I was scheduled to stay for the next few days while she's at her retreat."
"Oh." I felt embarrassed, and she was obviously judging me.
"Look, I've been there...custody is hard. My ex-wife and I had a hard time with schedules. It took us almost a year after our divorce to figure it out."
"Did Brittany tell you that we're divorced?"
She looked at me wide-eyed.
"Oh, no...no...I assumed. Shit. Um...I can go."
"No. You stay. If she paid you to be here, then stay."
"Won't that be weird?"
"Not the way I see it. I haven't been home in a month, I don't know their schedules, and my WIFE likes to play this game where she throws me off to prove her point. She wasn't expecting me; I was trying to throw her off and prove that I didn't need her to beg me to come home. So, you have obviously bonded with my kids...and now you're going to be my new best friend."
"Okay. Well, in that case, hi, my name is Angie. Sorry about the mess; I was going clean today."
"I'm Santana...and I wasn't going to say anything...but it was a mess." I said as I looked her over, knowing immediately that if I had stayed away any longer...I was willing to bet my entire net worth that Britt would have tried to replace me with Angie.
She'd done this on purpose, and I fucking resented her for it. Still, instead of becoming filled with rage, I would use this time alone with our new nanny to my advantage.
Britt was playing with fire.
She knew better, and if she didn't, she would.
"You didn't!" Angie laughed while we cleaned up the house after the kids were in bed.
In five days, we'd become fast friends, having way more in common than it felt possible.
We were both singers, both gay for our high school best friends, although she'd had the balls to divorce hers, and we both had parents who were a doctor and a lawyer.
The only difference, she wasn't into blondes and didn't have a bottomless bank account at her disposal.
"I did. She'd been dangling Frankie in my face, daring me to do something about it, and I fucked her."
"That's ballsy as fuck." She said as she mopped the dining room floor.
"I know, it was insane, and I could never imagine doing that now."
"You evolved, I mean, from what it sounds like you two have been through it, but you still try to make it work."
"When she's home." Britt said, standing in the doorway watching us both.
Fuck me for fixing the squeaky door.
"Well, hello to you too, Brittany." I said, leaving the rag behind in the kitchen and heading towards her, taking the bag from her shoulder as she came into the house.
"You're home." She said, looking me over, then she leaned in and kissed my neck...while she was there, she sniffed me. It was quick, but I heard her; it was like she was trying to find another scent on me.
"I am. I have been all week."
"Angie's here."
"Oh yeah, I asked her to stay since you already paid her to be here. We're besties now."
Angie was mopping a fascinating spot on the floor, not acknowledging either of us.
"Nice...so you like her?"
"I love her." I said pointedly, and Britt's eyebrows lifted.
"Love?"
"Yes, it's like having a Quinn with sass."
"Ass?" Britt said, not hearing me.
"Sass." I repeated, and she nodded.
"Thanks for your help this week, Angie. You can head home now." Britt said towards the dining room. "No need to finish mopping. We've got it."
Angie looked from me to Britt, then walked back towards the bedroom to get her overnight bag.
When Britt saw that Angie was headed back towards our bedroom and not up to the guest room, she stared hard at me.
"Why was she sleeping down here?" Her hand was on the back of my neck, rubbing that spot hard...like Marco on the day of Papi's will reading.
I jerked away from her when Angie came back.
"Thanks for washing my clothes, Ana. I'll see you for coffee, manana, right?" She said; I nodded, and she waved to us before pulling the front door closed behind her.
Britt turned on me like I knew she would, so I backed away because I wasn't sure if she'd been taking her meds.
I had found a new bottle of pills on her dresser and wasn't sure if she had some with her. "Have you taken your meds this week?" I asked her, and the glare she had on me changed to one of guilt.
"I forgot them."
"You should take them; I'm going to finish cleaning." She was still standing there, looking upset, and I knew she was waiting for me to answer her. "We didn't fuck. I'm yours; that hasn't changed. She's been sleeping upstairs; I washed her clothes while she was out with the kids today. That's it...the washer and dryer are down here, so obviously, her clothes were too."
She was clenching her hands and then nodded, deciding to accept my answered fact.
"When I'm level...I need you to show me just how much you're mine." She growled, and I nodded, feeling excited.
I usually initiated sex, but I could tell that she wanted me bad; it'd been over two months since we'd had sex.
My body was sore from the boosters, but I knew she'd think it was from Angie if I told her I was sore.
So, her waiting to be level was safe for us both.
"Okay, Daddy." I said, and that seemed to calm her. She smiled finally, picked up her bag, and headed to the room.
I didn't have to follow her back there to know she'd be searching for clues that I wasn't honest with her.
And that was fine by me because I had nothing to hide.
I was damp with sweat as I moved my hips back against hers.
Britt held my waist as she danced against me in the darkroom.
The bass was pumping as we danced in the crowded club; it felt good to be out together without her finding a reason to argue with me.
As the song came to a close, she spun me around and pulled me closer to her.
"I love you so fucking much, Baby."
"Mmm, me too."
"Thanks for coming tonight."
I smiled up at her, knowing that she meant so much more than she was saying.
We'd been hot and cold for months, but things got more intense ever since I became close with Angie.
It was good having Angie around because she constantly reminded me that I needed to do more than be a good mom and support Brittany. She encouraged me not to make the same mistakes that she did because she lost a wife and a best friend, and that part was harder than I could imagine.
At first, I had kept her around just to spite Britt, but she turned out to be a dope-ass friend. So, even though Britt had wanted to fire her, I put my foot down because there was no way I was going to allow that. Having someone I trusted with my kids, who was also loyal to me, was important.
So, as long as neither of us fucked the nanny, we'd be fine, but Britt still seemed uncomfortable with me being alone with Angie.
I wanted my wife to trust me, which meant that I needed to start showing up for her, which is how I found myself leaving the kids with Angie so that I could finally go with her to an event.
We were headed up to Beverly Hills to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family at Mari's house the next morning, so I had no excuse to flake on her.
I loved Brittany more than life, and I wanted us to work. So, I called Angie in front of Britt and asked her if she could come over so that I could go out with Britt.
Not only did Angie say, "Hell yes!" but Britt was jumping up and down excitedly.
For once, I had done the right thing first before fucking up.
Go me!
It was great to see Britt in her element, smiling and laughing so easily.
The more I saw her like that, so easygoing, the more apparent it became that we weren't on the same page in more than just socializing.
We'd grown apart.
Gone was Lima Brittany, who was silly, unpredictable, and untethered, which was a great thing in my opinion, but gone also, was responsible, in control, mature Brittany that existed towards the end of our time in New York.
What I saw that night was the Brittany that she would have been without me in her life, and it hurt to see how much happier other people made her than I did.
As much as she wanted me to come to those events, aside from being on the dance floor together, grinding on each other like sex fiends, I spent most of the time being the sober adult in the room while she ignored me.
I sat to the side, watching her take shots with her friends and share inside jokes she didn't bother explaining.
Whenever I was pulled into the conversation, and her people were interested in hearing about my music, she would go stone-faced.
"Britt, you're so lucky to have the whole wife and kids thing out of the way; I want what you two have." Gabby said, and Britt shook her head.
"No, you don't. Trust me." Gabby looked from her to me, and I just shrugged, sipping my virgin mojito instead of issuing a response.
"Oh, I do. Trust me, B...you've got something good, and if you don't want Santana...I'll take her. She'd be happier than she looks now, that's for sure." Gabby was grinning, obviously joking, but Britt slammed down her shot glass so hard and leaned into Gabby, saying something harshly to her.
And Gabby went pale, then mumbled something about going to the bathroom.
"What the hell was that about?" I asked Britt once her friend was scared away.
"She went too far." Britt said before downing Gabby's shot. "I was protecting you."
"From Gabby? She's like shorter than Berry and way too girly for me."
"I'm girly." B said, and I rolled my eyes.
"Sure, B."
"I am!" She looked angrier the more she drank, which had me wondering if she was skipping doses again, now that she'd remembered life without her meds for nearly a week. "You don't think I'm hot anymore? Don't you like girly girls? Quinn is super girly; with her dresses and hats, you fucked her a bunch."
"Okay, that is ancient history; I was still figuring out what I liked."
"And what's that?"
"You. I like you, Brittany." I tried to assure her because she was obviously waiting for me to cheat on her, first with Angie and now with Gabby. It hurt that we were back to this kind of argument.
I had fooled myself into believing we were past acting like teenagers, but I guessed wrong.
When the bartender came over with more shots, I shoved the tray back at him.
"She's had enough, thanks."
Before he could take it away, though, Britt reached for the tray and grabbed another shot, drinking it so fast that some dribbled.
"We should go home, so you can show me how much you like me." Britt said when she put down the shot glass, "I really need to fuck you before we head up to Mari's tomorrow."
"You're not fucking me like this, B."
Her hand clamped around my arm as she yanked me up to my feet, pulling me until we stepped outside, the warm air did nothing to help her sober up, and her hand felt like a vice on my arm.
I knew immediately that it would bruise, which meant I'd need a different outfit for Thanksgiving dinner since the sleeveless one would only make my family pounce on B, and neither of us needed that. I slapped her hand until she let go of my arm, and she huffed.
"Why don't you want me anymore?" She whined.
"I always want you, Britt, just not when you're drunk."
"Then not always."
"You need to remember that you cut me off first."
"Because you were using it to distract me like I was a job, you're not an escort anymore. Be a fucking wife!" She barked at me. I felt embarrassed but tried to keep my cool, even though the men on the street were looking at me differently.
"You're talking out of your ass, B. We should go...come on." I grabbed the keys from the valet after shoving all my cash at him and began to walk towards the parking lot, but when I looked back, it was just in time to see her go back inside.
My head was pounding as I turned back towards the club, ready to drag her the fuck out of there, but then I remembered those were her colleagues; it was no place to make a scene.
So instead, I went back to the car and sat there, trying my best to calm down.
I didn't have to wait long for B to come out because I had been smart enough to get Gabby's number way back when I had joined her and her crew for ice cream.
Sorry about B. I didn't leave her. In the parking lot.-Santana
After sending the message, I checked in with Angie to let her know that I'd need her to stay the night, and she sent a thumbs up.
Gabby and a guy that I was pretty sure was Britt's boss practically carried her to the car.
They buckled her in and wished me a good holiday before leaving me with the drunken mess Britt had gone back inside to become.
"You're pretty." She mumbled.
"Oh yeah?"
"Are you single?"
"No." I said to her, and she burst into tears.
"But you're so pretty! You should be with me!"
"I am with you, Britt Britt."
"No! You can't cheat, just because I'm hot."
"I won't."
"Good." She patted my leg and then fell asleep.
She slept so hard that when I tried to wake her so we could get out of the car, she wouldn't budge, so I had to call Angie to get some help lugging my wife to bed.
"Is she okay?" Angie asked after I stripped Britt's shoes and shorts off.
"She overdid it."
"I can see that." Angie's eyes went to my arm, and I waved her off. "Can I make you tea or something?"
"Nah, I'm just going to get some sleep. Thanks for staying tonight."
"It's no problem." She was looking at my arm again. "At least let me grab you some ice?"
"She didn't mean it." I said, and she nodded. "I'll get the ice."
"Thanks."
DECEMBER
Brittany's POV
Something was off.
Ever since that night out with Ana, she's been home more, claiming that she didn't want to go back to the studio until after the holidays.
And then she gave Angie the time off too, so there were no powwows between them when I got home, just Ana serving dinner and playing with the kids.
Gabby told me that I had threatened her that night, but I don't remember doing that.
When the announcement for the holiday mixer came out, we were told that it would be a family event which meant there would be no alcohol...a few people looked at me when it was announced like it was my fault.
I took the flyer home to Ana, surprising her when I walked up behind her as she washed dishes.
She flinched when I touched her, and it took me back to a time when she had a reason to be afraid of me.
"Hey, B, you're home early. What's that?" She asked, reaching for the flyer.
"We are having a holiday party, it's for the whole family. Santa will be there, and there will be karaoke."
"Oh yeah?" It was good to see her eyes light up, but then she looked at the flyer, and her look changed.
"What is it? Do you have plans already?" She flinched again.
"No...it's fine, I can cancel them. We'll be there."
"Okay, what is going on? Ever since that party last week, you've been flinching when I touch you, and now you're willingly canceling your plans?"
"I was taking Daniela for a girls' day for her birthday. Just the two of us, but it's fine...I didn't have anything booked yet. I can do it the day before."
"Oh...are you sure?"
"Yeah, I know how much time I spend focused on Isaac, so I wanted baby girl to have some one-on-one time with me too."
"That makes sense; if you could do it the day before, I would love it if we can be together at my holiday thing."
"We'll be there, B." She nodded and then put the flyer on the fridge so we'd remember. "Anything else, B? Angie just left to pick up the kids and take them to their activities. Did you want to do something, just us?"
She looked...weird...scared even, but that's not right.
"I just want you to tell me what I did to make you scared of me again." I reached to touch her, and I could see her trying to not flinch.
"You haven't been taking your meds like you should be. I checked after you gripped me up." She said, lifting her sleeve up so I could see her fading bruise.
"I did that?"
"Yeah...it's fine, you were drunk; I know you didn't mean it."
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to."
"I know."
"If you know, then why are you flinching?" I snapped, raising my voice too loud, and she flinched again.
"Look, it just brought up some old feelings. I'm working through it."
"How can I help? Do you need to top me or something?" I sighed, half-joking, but then she smiled at me.
"Do we have enough time?" She grinned, and I checked my watch.
"If we go now."
All of the fear left her as she gripped my shirt and pulled me towards the bedroom.
I wasn't feeling sexy at the moment; in fact, I was the opposite of turned on because I had hurt her again, which was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
But I had to give her this. I had to let her feel in control for just a little while.
Santana's POV
I thought telling her about the bruise would make her see the error of her ways, and the drinking would stop, but it seemed to do the opposite.
After letting me top her, she rolled out of bed and said she had to meet up with some friends.
She didn't come home until after the kids were in bed, completely hammered, and when I tried to push her off me, she shoved me into a wall.
That was the first night I slept upstairs in the guest room, and it wasn't my last.
After I spent three consecutive nights sleeping upstairs, she began to pick at everything I did and the volume I did them at.
As if I could keep two toddlers silent while she slept off her drunken nights.
She had hangovers every morning for the two weeks leading up to Daniela's birthday and the holiday celebration.
But I still made her meals, washed her clothes, and had my 'Mami and me' day with Daniela a day early.
The morning of her holiday party, I made pancakes with sprinkles and bacon the way she liked, and she came out of the room looking normal for once.
"Hi!" I said to her, and she nodded.
"Hey." Then she turned to the kids. "Who's ready to see Santa today?" Her excitement with them was on a thousand, and it made me feel more at ease about going to the party.
That was until she vetoed my outfit twice.
"You need to wear something less slutty." She said about one of my more tasteful bodycon dresses. "Maybe something that doesn't give someone easy access to what's mine." She said it like she was joking, but I could see that she wasn't.
"Don't be gross. You've never had a problem with my clothes before, Britt."
"That's when you weren't a mom. This is where I work. There will be kids there. They don't need to accidentally catch an eyeful if you sit wrong."
I didn't want to argue, especially not with Angie in the house.
She'd gracefully offered to come with us to help with the kids and had been side-eyeing me ever since she'd seen the bruise.
"You're right; I'll change." I went back into the closet, pulled out a baggy pair of jeans and a nice shirt.
And when I came back out, she looked me over and sighed.
"That's better, I guess."
"No, what's wrong now?"
"I can see your nipples in that shirt."
When I looked down, I could see what she meant, so I went back into the closet and pulled out a black shirt, changed into that, and only then did she seem happy.
It was the day before Daniela's birthday, and I wanted to make sure that we were a happy family for at least the next few days.
Especially because I had news that was only going to drive us further apart, but I was saving that until after we got back from Mari's.
If she was going to have a spiral because of me, I preferred it to be after the holiday and not before.
Brittany's POV
I had been drinking too much; that's what Gabby had said was the rumor of why we weren't going to have alcohol at the party.
They were all looking at me like people used to in high school when my meds were mixed up.
So, I took my meds for two days straight and didn't drink anything either, just so I could prove that my drinking wasn't out of control.
Then Ana wanted to dress like she was going clubbing instead of to a holiday party, which made me feel like she was trying to embarrass me in front of everyone.
She finally changed into something my mom would wear, which made me feel a whole lot better.
When we got to the party, about six other girls, including Gabby, wore bodycon dresses, and Ana huffed at me.
"What? They aren't moms." I reasoned, but she rolled her eyes.
"I'm a mom, not a nun." She said before taking the kids to the craft table, leaving me with Angie.
"Can I say something?"
"No. I didn't even want you here, so you don't get to say anything to me unless it's about the kids." I snapped at her before storming off to join some of my friends.
I hated that Angie was zeroing in on my wife, and I hated that she was suddenly around all the time looking at me like Ana's family used to after I hurt her.
That's how I knew that Ana had told her about me gripping her up, which was really embarrassing.
I wanted to fire her since I was paying her, but Ana pulled out her checkbook and said she would pay Angie herself.
This was shaping up to be a terrible holiday because there was more coming.
Ana didn't think I knew about her little tour coming up, but Mercedes had spilled the beans.
Each day that she kept it from me was another day that I trusted her less.
It was like she was preparing to leave me, and I was powerless to stop her.
We had been circling a drain for a long time...go figure, that it would take being away from all the people who used to stick their noses in our marriage, for things to fall apart.
I missed Quinn and her obsession with sticking herself in our relationship and playing mediator.
It was probably Quinn who had kept us going this long, and I had moved us away from her protection and friendship like an idiot.
Even with things all scrambled up, we'd been having a good time, my wife was off being the mom that she needed to be, and me being the social butterfly that L.A. had turned me into.
The party was almost over when my boss called me into his office.
And my whole world fell apart.
Santana's POV
Gabby found me just after Britt went into her boss' office.
"You should probably get the kids together; I don't think Britt's going to want to stay when she comes out of there." She had that pitying look that people got when they were trying to be sympathetic but were really just obsessed with drama.
Some friend she was.
"Is she getting fired?"
"Yeah, I've seen them do this before. Give someone a good party, and then put them out on their ass. She's been screwing up for a while now, so it's no surprise, and with her on academic probation, they are just covering their asses just in case she gets kicked out of school."
"Did you warn her at least?"
"And have her start a scene like she did on Thanksgiving? No thanks."
Britt came storming out of the office and walked right past me.
"Well, thanks for the heads up, I guess."
Angie grabbed Daniela, and I carried Isaac as we went out to the parking lot.
Britt was nowhere to be seen.
"Great." I muttered.
"What should we do?" Angie asked.
"Can you take the kids home?"
"What about you?"
"I'm going to find her before she does something she'll regret."
"Please keep me in the loop, okay?"
"Yeah, you do the same. If she's home, call me." I gave her a hug after we got the kids buckled in the car, then I watched her pull off before I looked around for where Britt could have gone.
Oddly, I didn't go to any local bars; my first stop was her dance studio, which she was so proud of. I was counting on her being sentimental rather than being a drunk.
And that's exactly where I found her, taking swigs out of a bottle of rum while she threw stuff into a bag.
Because I wasn't wearing my normal heels, she didn't hear me walk into the room, which I didn't want because with the way she'd been acting, it was only a matter of time before she lashed out at me...surprising her wouldn't help.
Found her.-Santana
"B?"
She turned to look at me, her face soaked with tears.
"I fucked up. I threw away Broadway for this...and I fucked it all up." She hiccupped, and then drank some more, guzzling until she emptied the bottle.
She went to lift it up, but before she could, I lunged and grabbed the bottle before she could smash the mirrors.
"Do you want them to sue you?"
"Fuck them!" She yelled.
"They'll blackball you, B. Let's get you out of here with your head held high. That's the best fuck you that you can offer."
"You're right."
"I know. Do you need help packing your stuff?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, sit down, and I'll grab everything, okay?"
"Okay." She squeaked as she slid down to the floor.
The alcohol hadn't hit her yet.
Praise.
So I stopped to call some backup, and luckily for me, she lived within walking distance.
S.O.S. Meet me at B's studio.-Satan
With the car?-Aretha
Yes-Satan
Be there in 5-Aretha
"Who are you texting? One of your bitches?" Britt slurred as she tried to get up from the floor.
"Just getting us a ride home from Mercedes." I said, and she nodded before relaxing back on the floor. Obviously, if I wanted to have an affair, it could only be with Mercedes because Britt didn't think I'd ever go there...she was right, but that was only because Aretha was my soul sister; it would feel like incest.
After getting all of Britt's shit and putting her shoes on her feet because she'd thrown them at some point, I helped her to her feet.
Thankfully the holiday party was in a different building, or dragging her into the parking lot would be even more humiliating for her.
Mercedes was waiting outside leaned up against her car, smiling until she saw B stumbling beside me.
"What the devil happened?" She said as she opened her back door.
"They fired me!" Britt tried to spit behind her but only ended up drooling on herself.
"That's just shameful of them to do before Christmas! I have a case of water in the trunk; Santana, you should sit in the back and help her sober up. If she throws up, you owe me a new car."
"Noted. Thanks for this, Mercedes."
"This is what family is for. Now let's get moving; I have a nail appointment before my flight home tonight."
"I want to go home, but Santana won't let me." Britt complained.
"We have family Christmas planned. Your parents will be there."
"But there won't be snow!" She wept against my shoulder, "Why do you hate Christmas?"
"Shhh, relax, B. I got you."
Mercedes was anxious as she drove us home, but Britt stayed asleep and didn't throw up.
"I'll see you next week?" She asked, and I nodded.
"We haven't had a chance to talk about it. I think so, though."
"Wait, you hadn't told her?"
"No...why?"
"I might have; I was trying to get her to convince you."
"Shit...well, that takes some of the stress away."
"I'm sorry, Santana. You can cancel; I won't be mad."
"I'll let you know. Merry Christmas, Aretha."
"Merry Christmas, girl."
For the second time in a month, Angie had to help me get Britt out of a car and into bed.
She'd put the kids down for a nap and seemed anxious to leave me alone with B.
"Did she keep her hands to herself?" She asked after Britt woke up enough to protest before passing out.
"Yes."
"En serio?"
"Yes, and so you know, she's fluent in Spanish too."
"Good to know."
"I know you have your own shit to do, but would you mind hanging around for a bit. I could use a friend."
"Girl, good luck getting rid of me!"