Disclaimer: see my profile.
A/n This chapter takes place during "A Higher Power." I haven't seen that episode in a long time and only skimmed it this time, so forgive any errors in plot references.
"I wish we weren't stuck on a case," Spencer said as he leaned back against a pillow and spoke into his phone.
"Me too," Emily said. "Sometimes, I wish we could share a room when we're out of town."
"Yes," Spencer said, reached for the lamp next to his bed, and snapped off the light. "But we promised Hotch we'd keep things professional during cases."
"Are you rethinking telling everyone about us?" Emily asked as she stretched out on her back and stared at the ceiling.
"No, but the time will come eventually. Also, we run the risk of getting caught in the supply room."
Emily snorted laughter. "It was once, and we were both a little enthusiastic after the company Christmas gathering."
"Yes, but we can only use that excuse once."
"True," Emily said. "Thank God, Anderson's good at keeping secrets."
"Yeah."
They were silent for a while, then Emily said, "What are you thinking? You've been pensive all day. You've also been – anxious. Is it the case?"
"No!" Spencer nearly shouted. "I'm sorry. Emily- when we talked about the five stages of grief. I know you saw –"
"Babe, don't," Emily interrupted. "I understand. I'm sorry if this case is – tough because you're struggling."
"That's just it," Spencer said. "I wanted to tell you face to face, but we're on this case now – alright. I found some literature at the library the other day. It was in a hard plastic stand on the counter, like the ones you see for AA, Gambler's Anonymus, or informational pamphlets on heart disease or diabetes in the doctor's office."
"Sure, I know what you mean," Emily said.
Spencer tried to find the right words as he closed his eyes and shifted on the bed. "It's a support group called Beltway Clean Cops. I'm considering attending a meeting."
"You sound wary. Do you think I won't understand?"
"No! I mean, yes, a little. Oh, Emily, I don't know what I'm trying to say or feel. You've helped me more than I can tell, but – "
"You need someone going through the same challenges," Emily said.
"Yes. Are you angry?"
"No, of course not," Emily said. "I'm happy you found a program. I was hoping you would, but I didn't want to push you if you weren't ready."
"I'm glad you didn't because I probably wouldn't have responded well to the suggestion a few months ago. I thought I was fine relying on our strength together, but it's not enough now. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Emily said softly. "I want you to draw strength from where you can. If that means a support group or individual therapy, do what you have to do."
"Thank you, Emily. I don't deserve you."
"You better believe it," Emily teased and rejoiced when Spencer laughed. "You are the luckiest man on earth."
"I know it," Spencer said. "Thank you for understanding."
"I love you," Emily said and loudly kissed the air.
"Wish I could kiss you," Spencer said. "You looked good today with your hair down. Love it around your shoulders."
"This is perilously close to unprofessional behavior on the job, Dr. Reid."
Spencer chuckled and ducked under the covers. "Is it?"
"Yes."
"Well then, I think you should punish me when we get home."
Emily laughed, and it was a low and throaty sound that put the hair on Spencer's head on end. "You think so?"
"Yes, and I think you're right about unprofessional behavior, but I don't care."
"Me either," Emly said.
"Then, tell me more," Spencer said and smiled into the darkness.