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A/n thank you for reading. I hope you all had a wonderful New Year.
Spencer sighed, then turned to see Emily with her back to him. He listened to her breathe for a minute, then said. "I know you're not asleep."
Emily didn't move, but he heard her blow out an annoyed breath and sniff slightly. She didn't speak, and Spencer felt anger slither into his gut.
How many times did he have to apologize for Texas?
"How long are you going to punish me, Emily?"
Emily turned over so suddenly that Spencer flinched and braced for an attack. Instead, Emily reached for him and put her head on his shoulder. He felt her body shake as she cried. The sensation of tears on his chest sent every angry thought out of his head. He'd never heard or seen her cry. She was the strong one, and now – he stroked her head and tried to think of something to say.
"Emily," he whispered. "I'm sorry. Please don't cry."
Emily lifted her head in the moonlight that streamed through the open curtains of her bedroom window. "Why? I've never been so frightened as I was watching you walk unarmed into the middle of the street."
"Emily, I told you –"
"I know what you said, Spencer. I understand why you did what you did, but you do realize that Owen could have killed you, or you could've died in the crossfire. If I had to watch, you shot down in the street." Emily hitched in a breath and wiped her eyes. "I wish I understood."
"What?" Spencer asked.
"You told me you didn't want him shot and killed, but that's not the whole reason. What aren't you telling me?"
Spencer turned over, so he didn't have to look into her eyes. "I can't, Emily. Not now, do you understand?"
"No," Emily said, and anger crept into her voice. "I don't understand. We promised we could talk about anything."
Spencer turned back to his left side and stared at the window instead of Emily's tear-stained face. "We can."
"Then look at me, Spencer."
Spencer stayed still until she touched his shoulder, and then he flipped over and startled her into scooting back from him. "Something happened to me in high school, okay. I don't want to talk about the details, not now. Just know that I understand how Owen felt and – there are days when I wonder why I didn't go down the same path of revenge."
"Spencer, you –"
"No, you don't get to say that you understand because you don't," Spencer sat up and confronted her as she mirrored his position on the bed. "You think you do, but you don't know what it's like to be twelve going to school with eighteen-year-old boys. I had teachers who would give me extra credit after school. They did so I could go home after most of the students and all the bullies left the campus. Then, I could walk down the street in peace. Every day was like hell on earth for me.
"Spencer."
He ignored her touch on his shoulder because he didn't want to give in to the tears the memories stirred. "You didn't have a mother that didn't notice your bruises and black eyes. Once I twisted an ankle running away from a classmate, and she never took me to the doctor. Luckily, I'd read all the medical books available in the library and knew essential first aid."
"I didn't know," Emily whispered.
Spencer sighed again and reached out for Emily. She hugged him and kissed his forehead. "I'm sorry," she said. "I wish I could make all the bad memories go away."
"I know, and I love you for it. Emily, I –"
"Shh," Emily put a finger to her lips. "Tell me another day, in the bright sunlight where I can see your face clearly and understand. Okay?"
Spencer nodded. "Thank you. I am sorry for frightening you, Emily. I didn't mean – well, it doesn't matter what I meant. I wasn't thinking clearly, and I could've worsened the standoff. I was lucky."
Emily didn't say anything for a long time. They stayed wrapped together until Spencer yawned. "I'm tired."
Emily got out of bed. "Me too."
"Where are you going?"
"To close the curtains, it's too bright for sleep."
Spencer watched her tug the curtains shut, and after darkness enfolded them, he felt her get back into bed and wrap her arms around him. "I love you," Emily said.
"I love you too. Thank you for trying to understand." Spencer said.
"I do, but if you ever pull another stunt –"
"I know you'll kill me, and no one will ever find my remains."
Emily kissed him and said. "You see, you're learning."
"Ha," Spencer said. "I do trust you, Emily, and I will tell you everything. One day."
"I know. Go to sleep."