A/N: So, this chapter goes all over the place and despite its length, it all happens in about 18 hours. I'm working on the next one already, so expect it soon. I hope your first few days of the new year have been blessed. Enjoy!-NR
Didn't We Almost Have It All (Whitney Houston)
Santana's POV
I was about to drive home, feeling like complete shit about missing out on Britt's birthday, and it didn't help that my sister seemed upset as well but then a sharp knock at my window made my heart race so much that it ached.
When I turned to look, there was Iris with a bag over her shoulder and a smile on her face.
Trying not to be annoyed, I put down my window.
"What are you doing out here?"
"Well, I was hoping that you would still be here, do you think I could come home with you for the weekend?"
"Uh...I'm not sure that's a good idea."
"Well I do, it's time we set this thing in motion, don't you think?"
"What thing? Us?"
"Yes. Didn't you tell me that if you and I did anything without Brittany knowing, it would be cheating, right?"
"Well, yeah."
"And you also said that she wants to meet anyone you have intentions to be with...right?"
"Yes, but-" I started but then she reached into the car and cupped my cheek. "Iris...this isn't a good idea." She traced her thumb over my lips and pouted.
"I know you're weird about going for it with me. I like that you're so loyal to her, it makes you more attractive. I know that you don't want to confuse your kids, but you said they were out for the night. If Britt isn't game, then I can just be a friend...but I think she should meet me so we can see if we could be something."
"That sounds fine but why now?"
"No time like the present. Look, if we don't work out, so be it but you and I have something, I can feel it. I don't mean to tear down your marriage, but I can't just give up on something that could be real. Shit, I've been in poly relationships before, I'd be down for that too."
"So, you're going to come and spend the night, meet my wife and ask her for permission to date me?" Why did this seem like Frankie all over again?
"Or...we can study for our bio midterm. It's your call, but it's the weekend and I would love to get off campus for a few days."
"This is a terrible idea." I reached for my emergency cigarettes as Iris went around to the passenger side. "Britt's going to kill me."
"No." Iris said as she sat beside me. "The last thing you need is to be smoking. I am not going to ruin my vocal chords so you can work through your stress."
"I need something to distract me."
Iris grabbed the cigarettes from the console and snatched the one from between my lips.
Then she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine.
I was stiff but her lips were soft, so I leaned into it until she pulled away and tossed the cigarettes to the floor dramatically crushing them beneath her sneakers.
"Okay, I'm going to sit here and study while you drive."
"I don't think this is a good idea. I just want to restate that."
"Noted. How about this, you call Brittany and ask her if you can bring me to meet her. If it seems like it makes shit worse, then you drop me off at the nearest hotel, and I will stay there until Monday morning when you're headed to school. You'll pay of course, because I'm poor and you're not. Okay?"
"If you wanted a free hotel room, you could have just asked."
"No, what I want is you and honestly, after seeing her looking so hot in that costume, I wouldn't mind if she wanted to join in...but you are my dream girl, Santana. That hasn't changed."
Iris took my hand in hers while I drove the hour home, and I got so into it that I almost forgot to call until we were a few blocks away at a stop light.
"Call Brittany." She said.
"You don't think it's too late?"
I pulled over to the side of the road and picked up my phone to a text from B that she'd sent thirty minutes before.
Just got home. You're not here. Are you close?-Britt
I took one more look at Iris and then hit the call button.
"Here's goes nothing."
"Hello?" The sound of Isaac's voice washed over me, and I let go of Iris' hand. I pulled back onto the road and headed straight for the hotel.
"Hey Papa, what are you doing up?" There was laughter in the background, and he sounded so happy.
"Mama came to see us before bed. We are having a sleepover."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes! Everybody is here, Dama, Tío Saul, Titi Mari, Titi Sun...it's so fun! Are you coming to Titi's?"
"Yes, Papa. Where's Mama?"
"In the kitchen with Titi Sun."
"Can you put her on?"
"Sure Mami, I love you!"
"I love you too, Papa."
Iris was shuffling for something on the floor, and I watched her sit back up with a broken cigarette.
But I slapped it out of her hand.
"I can't smoke, you can't smoke. Relax."
The laughter that I heard died down as I heard a sniffle.
Had B been crying?
"Hey, baby. You okay?" She asked, her voice like gravel. Bringing Iris home was a terrible idea. I pulled into the hotel parking lot, a good five minute walk from my house and handed Iris my wallet. She looked at me like I was crazy, so I hit mute on my phone.
"There's cash in there. Go inside, book a room. I'll wait here." Iris looked hesitant as she held my wallet in both hands. "Go." She went to speak but then Britt cleared her throat, so I took the phone off mute, "Yeah, hi, Britt Britt. Isaac told me there's a sleepover?" I looked back at Iris, and she nodded at me, leaned in and quietly kissed my cheek before leaving the car.
"Yeah, Sandra decided to have all the kids over. Ceily and Quinn are here too. You didn't tell me that you were planning a party for me tomorrow...why didn't you just say so?"
My sisters were so obviously covering for me, and I wasn't sure why.
"B...I didn't plan anything." I admitted because I didn't want there to be lies between us.
"That's what I thought but they are insisting that you planned this whole weekend...since you're being honest with me...I guess I should be honest back...I think something is going on with your family. I just don't know what. I won't let it be like before where they've tried to corner you into an intervention. Okay?"
"Thanks, B."
"Just to check though, you are sober right?"
"Yes, B. Stone cold."
"Okay, well then let's just enjoy free babysitting for the night. Come home so we can take advantage of the alone time. Okay?"
"I thought you were mad at me."
"Well, I got over it. Just come home, I need to end my birthday off better than it started. Can you do that for me? Make it better?"
"Yeah, B. That sounds good."
Iris came walking back to the car waving a key card, with a smile on her face. I tried to smile back but my heart was racing, and my head hurt.
What was I doing?
"Are you almost here?"
"I'm going to stop and grab you a surprise and then I'll be home right after."
"Oh goody!"
Iris opened the car door, and just like I knew it would, the door creaked loudly just like it had since Britt had sideswiped a tree a week before.
The sound only happened on the passenger side of the car when the door was pulled open instead of pushed. I had been meaning to get it checked out.
Fuck.
It was useless.
So, I tried to talk over it.
"Britt! I gotta go. I'll see you soon, can you get the bath started?"
She got quiet and I felt like I was going to be sick.
Iris saw my panic and grabbed her bag, looking a little dejected.
Shit.
"Why did the door creak, Baby?"
"Huh?"
"That noise...I heard it. Is someone with you?"
"No, I was grabbing my purse out of the passenger seat stop being paranoid."
"Oh, okay! Going to get the bubble bath ready, I'll see you soon. Drive safe, Baby!" And then she ended the call.
Too easy.
"I'm in room, 112." Iris said once the call was done. "You know, where the players dwell." She grinned.
I knew the song she was quoting but I also knew that her room number was the same numbers tattooed on my ring finger.
My wedding date.
God's sense of humor, man, is never off for a second.
"I need to get home."
Iris was kneeling on the passenger seat leaned across the console.
"Then you might need to wipe my lipstick off your face. Stop acting like a cheating spouse...we didn't do anything wrong."
"We kissed, Iris."
"Barely. Go do damage control. This hotel has an indoor pool with a heated jacuzzi, that's where I'll be until they kick me out...or until you come back to get me." She kissed me gently, her hands cupping both my cheeks, and this time, I kissed her back. The kiss became heated, and then she nipped my bottom lip before pulling back. "Go home...I'll be right here when you're ready. Enjoy your bath."
Brittany's POV
She was lying.
I was sure of it.
So, while she put me on mute, yeah I noticed that, I did some sneaking.
You don't marry an addict and not have ways to check in on them.
If I had really wanted to, I could have checked her location for weeks.
But I was having faith in her...now though, she was lying to me, and I was way too on edge already to not check.
So, while she talked to me, I sat in our living room and waited as my tablet pulled up a location.
She was parked, which is why I didn't hear the tires on the road.
What made my heart hurt though was where she was parked.
But I could have been wrong.
There were stores next to the hotel.
It's not like the locator pinned her down to a parking spot.
Maybe I was over reacting.
"Are you almost here?" I asked, and she didn't even pause which was a good sign.
"I'm going to stop and grab you a surprise and then I'll be home right after." Okay, not too bad.
"Oh goody!" I said, genuinely meaning it but then, I heard a really loud creak.
The passenger door was being opened from the outside.
Was she with a dealer?
Were her sister's worries actually a real thing?
I would have been okay, maybe I was hearing things but then her voice sounded panicked.
"Britt! I gotta go. I'll see you soon, can you get the bath started?"
I zoomed in on the pin, there was no mistaking where her car was.
She was outside a hotel...not just any hotel though, but the one that I could run to in about two minutes.
Just up the hill and around the bend.
But instead, I thought, trust her.
Blind faith.
I had to ask...there was just too much fear in her voice.
"Why did the door creak, Baby?"
"Huh?" Name a sound that Santana never makes...she was lying.
Please God don't let it be drugs.
"That noise...I heard it. Is someone with you?"
"No, I was grabbing my purse out of the passenger seat stop being paranoid."
Okay that made no fucking sense.
But I couldn't clue her in that I was suspicious.
"Oh, okay! Going to get the bubble bath ready, I'll see you soon. Drive safe, Baby!" I could feel the panic bubbling, so I had to end the call.
Fuck, please not this again.
We had come so far!
Blind faith.
I went straight up to her room.
While my wife blatantly went through people's shit, leaving a mess wherever she was, I was better at sneaking.
So, I carried my tablet with me, to keep tabs on how close she was, then I began searching for drugs.
I started with her shoes, then her socks...I searched every single place that I knew her to hide things.
School brochures.
Homework assignments.
Journals.
Two pill bottles.
One was Adderall and the other was Ritalin.
The first was hers and the second was Izzy's.
His was empty and hers was halfway.
I didn't know how to feel about that.
And then I opened her nightstand.
Cigarettes.
A vape.
Another pill bottle, this one was Concerta.
It was prescribed by someone I had never heard of.
The address was in Kentucky.
She'd gotten that one after I left according to the date.
I went back to the Adderall, which was filled a week before.
My tablet pinged...she was close by.
I turned off her room light and set everything back to how I found it.
My stomach was in knots.
Was this a red flag?
I had no idea.
My bedroom was in the front of the house, it overlooked the driveway and could see directly across to Sandra's.
All the lights were on, which meant everyone was still up and hanging out.
They'd wanted me and Ana to join them, but I told them I needed some alone time with her.
They all teased about how cute we were, but they really had no fucking clue.
But, I was thinking they were right about the drugs.
Fuck.
Had this been my fault?
I ran the tub, overloaded it with bubbles and then went to the front window.
Ana had turned off the car but wasn't getting out.
Was she trying to get her story straight or was she trying to hide whatever drugs she may have bought.
Halloween was the anniversary of her rape.
It had always been a trigger.
Hadn't Walker warned me about Ana and her triggers?
It didn't escape my mind how ironic it was that when Ana finally got out and looked up at the window, I was standing right where she'd last seen me.
Only this time my lights were off, and I didn't have the baby.
I wasn't sure that she could see me, so I watched her openly.
She was adjusting her dress, and then she shook out her arms like she was preparing for battle.
But it was just me.
Santana's POV
I grabbed the desserts from the trunk and then made my way into the house.
Truthfully, I almost expected Britt to be standing there in her birthday suit waiting for me, but the downstairs was empty.
I put everything but a single cupcake into the fridge, before grabbing a birthday candle and sticking it in the middle.
Then on a whim, I grabbed the whipped cream...even though I was anxious, I needed to make sure that things were okay.
Kissing Iris felt way too good, and I felt ridiculously guilty about it.
I'd forgotten what butterflies felt like until then, and I wanted to cry.
Brittany was my home, my love, my everything.
We had everything we'd dreamed about, a nice house, happy and healthy kids, and freedom.
None of that seemed to be enough though.
At least not for me.
Other than our kids, everything else seemed so frivolous.
Empty.
I put on my best face, fluffed my hair and then carried the makings of a good night upstairs with hopes that Britt wouldn't question the creaking door.
And maybe, if I did my job right, I could join Iris in that jacuzzi.
Fuck.
I was so screwed.
The last thing I needed to be thinking about in that moment was another woman.
Despite what the day had been like, I did love my wife.
Brittany was my dream girl once upon a time.
My love for her was stronger than my love for anyone back then.
Why did that have to change?
I looked at our family pictures, and how happy we all were sitting in a hospital bed with baby Gia.
She was my best friend, and I hadn't been there.
Even if we never fixed our marriage, I didn't want to live in a world where Brittany S. Lopez was not my best friend.
What kind of world would that even be?
We were a two shot.
That didn't have to change.
It was all on me.
Britt sat on the bed staring down at her phone when I walked into her bedroom.
When she looked up at me, she was crying.
I put down the whipped cream and dug a lighter out of my pocket.
She watched as I lit the candle, and then I stood there in front of her holding a flaming cupcake with shaky hands and sang to her.
And while I did, I remembered singing Songbird to her.
I thought of how much I loved her.
She was my everything at one point.
We were losing what made us so epic piece by piece.
But neither of us was ready to call it quits.
She put her phone to the side and then sat on her hands while she watched me.
Her lips did not turn into a smile, but I did that for both of us.
And when I was finished singing, I held out the cupcake for her to blow out.
But she just reached out her hand and squeezed the top of the candle, extinguishing the flame like it was nothing.
"What's wrong, Britt Britt?"
"You said that you're stone cold sober. Is that really true?"
I had thought she figured out Iris.
But I was so far off the mark.
This was about drugs.
Again.
"Where is this coming from?"
She stood up and pulled out three pill bottles from her hoodie.
And I knew then that she'd searched my room.
"You were being shady on the phone, I had to check."
"Did you find anything else?"
"You're in school."
"Yeah I am. I had an extra credit thing today." I admitted, and she actually smiled for a moment.
"I want to be proud of you right now...but I just feel like you're lying to me."
I put the cupcake down and then moved closer to her, she looked wild-eyed, but I knew she was just trying to process everything.
"I keep track of Isaac's Ritalin, he always gives me his bottles when he's done so I can refill them. My new GP put me on Adderall, but I flushed them down the toilet after they made me feel like I was crashing from a coke binge, that's not a feeling I want to experience again...and the Concerta is what Tío Gene got me after you left. I was all over the place, and he got me that...I just started taking them, because I was having trouble focusing at school. I do not take more than prescribed. I didn't lie about being sober."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
She hugged me tight and then leaned in, capturing my lips for the first time in days.
After kissing Iris, I was terrified that I wouldn't feel anything for Britt ever again.
But I was wrong.
I don't know if it was her fear of me relapsing, or the fact that I was actually putting in real effort, but the kiss left me breathless.
When she pulled back, looking goofy, I knew that her face was just reflection of my own.
We were still an OTP.
That didn't have to change.
Iris knew what my wife meant to me.
She seemed okay to just go with the flow.
I didn't need to make this more than it was.
Be cool, Lopez.
There was nothing to worry about.
Right?
Brittany's POV
I believed her about the drugs.
So, I rewarded her.
Just like she'd been conditioned.
Like Marco had taught me all those years ago.
If she offers up a version of the truth, kiss her like there's no tomorrow.
When she's got her guard down, she'll tell on herself.
I'd been using that method for half a decade, and it hadn't failed me yet.
She looked so small and vulnerable when I pulled away.
I could see the desire for acceptance in her eyes, which was something that she didn't need to search for.
She was mine.
I accepted her.
Even when I shouldn't, just like she accepted me when I didn't deserve it.
"Come on, let's wash away this day." She said, with a smirk.
And I nodded, allowing her to pull me into the bathroom.
She needed to feel like she was in control.
That was a big part of getting her to be honest.
She turned her back to me when she took off her clothes...that was new.
But I didn't want to make a big deal.
I slid into the super-hot water and then watched as she stared at the giant tub.
We hadn't taken a bath together in it yet, but unlike our old tubs where the only place for her to sit was in my lap...in this one she could sit across from me comfortably.
She looked unsure.
"Are you okay? Is this too much? I know we aren't on the same page, but we've been trying. It's just a bath...right?"
She looked at me, her arms covering her chest for some reason, and it all came out.
"I did lie to you about something."
"Get in here with me, Baby...there's nothing that could be bigger than drugs...please? I know it's after midnight but on the west coast it's still my birthday, so it still counts."
"B...I'm serious."
"Fine." I put my head back on the tub and closed my eyes, so over all the talking. "What did you lie about?"
"I think...I um...shit, why is this so hard?"
I sat up and looked in my wife's eyes, she was full of panic.
She was nothing like her old self. I was kind of sad about that.
When she used to mess around with people in high school when we were together, it wasn't a thing.
It'd be like, oh I screwed Puck this weekend, he's the worst and I'd agree, and we'd laugh about it.
Even when she got with Sugar, while pregnant and very much still together with me, she didn't get out of sorts.
This was something new but familiar.
She was looking at me with the same kind of panic that she had when she admitted her feelings for me.
Whoever she was fucked up over, was as a real threat to our marriage.
I could see it all over her face.
"Just for now, can we put a pin in it, Baby? Unless they are sitting downstairs, waiting to pop out of giant cake, I'd rather we just enjoy this moment. Can you do that?"
Big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she dropped her hands away from her boobs.
Her nipples looked a little raw, but I'd expected that since Gia was turning into a piranha who liked to put EVERYTHING in her mouth.
Ana though, looked down and hissed.
"I should probably pump. My boobs hurt."
"Please?" I asked again, holding my hand out, "If it gets worse in here...I'll take care of it."
She raised her eyebrow, but we'd done so many kinky things, I don't know why me tasting her breastmilk would be weird.
But I barely knew her anymore, that was becoming plainer to me.
"What does that mean?"
"Please don't make me ask again...I don't want to waste the bubbles."
"B?"
"I love every part of you. Besides, why should Gia get to have your boobs all to herself?"
And finally, finally she climbed into the tub with a REAL smile on her face.
Once she was in my arms, nothing else mattered.
We'd been so distant from each other, with the exception of the quickies I'd been stealing, we never just existed close enough to enjoy each other.
She rested her head back on my shoulder and I kissed her shoulder sweetly.
"Isn't this better?"
"Mmmhmm."
"Now. Tell me about your day." I whispered to her, and I waited for her to tense up like she always did when I asked her what she did when we weren't together, but she smiled softly, and didn't hold back.
"So, I'm on the choir at Vassar...those quickies we've been having have been making me late for study groups and classes. I was failing Bio until my lab partner convinced me to join the choir and do the extra credit. Today, was the extra credit, we got second place at a competition."
"Which means you didn't have a solo?"
"Exactly! That's what I said."
"So, who's your Quinn?"
"Huh?"
I chuckled.
"Baby, you don't know how to do that kind of thing alone. You like having allies. Quinn was always your ally...then me. You already have me, so who is your Quinn?"
Finally, she went stiff, and I knew, just like always, my wife had fallen for her ally.
"Iris." She said, in a voice that sounded almost dreamy.
"Like in the Flash?"
"Is that someone on your show?"
"Yeah, she's super-hot. You'd like her."
"Hmm, point her out next time."
I rolled my eyes and she laughed. I kissed her shoulder and brought us back to the serious business.
"So, do you like this Iris girl?"
"She's nice."
"I bet she is."
"Can you believe that she's nosier than me? She googled us, I mean, apparently there are rumors about us out there. Did you know?"
I snorted. "Yes, I know."
"Wait, you do?"
"Of course, Frankie tells me all about it. Sometimes, I get stopped on the street...I have fans."
"I did not know that." She was shaking her head, and then she pressed her fingers to her lips. "Anyway...she held my hand today when we were singing. For like an hour, we were like that...and I felt so guilty. She knows who you are, and that I'm a mom...that I'm married...and I told her about our agreement. I told her that nothing can happen between us unless you approve...and um...I don't know." She sighed.
"I want to meet her. I can tell that you like her." I said, trying to sound level even though I was breaking inside. She wasn't supposed to find my replacement, she was only supposed to find a fling.
But I had set the wheels in motion, now I had to make sure that I was steering the car where I wanted it to go.
"Funny you should say that...she's close by. She had this dumb idea that I should bring her home tonight, to meet you."
"Here?"
"Yeah, and I almost did it but then Isaac answered the phone...and you told me that my sisters and Quinn are right across the street. Our agreement is supposed to be between us, and that would never happen if I brought Iris here."
"So that's why you were at the hotel?"
She froze but I pressed my lips against her neck over and over until she relaxed.
"I had to know where you were, I don't always check your location, but you were being shady."
"Yes...she had opened the car door to grab her bag, and that's what you heard."
"Honestly, Baby, I'll take this over a drugs. We already talked about this...I guess it's just...I'd like to ask for one more thing before you take the next step with her."
"What's that?"
"Move into my room, it should be OUR room. You need to match the effort you put into things with her...you promised we'd try to work on us, but you barely talk in therapy. If I'm going to let this happen with Iris, then you need to give me more in return."
"Okay, I'll move my things tonight, anything else?"
"Yeah."
"Name it?"
"I need to be there for your first time to make sure she knows that this isn't anything that I'm not aware of. Also, you need to have her sign an NDA. I have some blank ones that Frankie makes me carry for the show that you can use. We are starting to become more known, so you need to protect yourself...and me. If this gets out, even to our family, you'll never hear the end of it...and if my parents' know, forget about it."
"Do you think...that maybe, if we're not too tired we can go to the hotel tonight?"
God, this was serious.
Please make this girl not replace me.
And if she did, well, please make her good enough to fill my shoes.
As I held my wife, all jealousy faded and understanding filled me.
She'd barely chosen people in her life without them knowing just how damaged she was, other than me...if this woman was making her feel things...maybe it was supposed to happen this way.
I told myself then, if this Iris person was good for Santana, and made her be her best self, then I'd marry them myself.
Even if it hurt, I'd want her to be happy for the rest of time.
I couldn't always give that to her because I was damaged too, but if someone else could, as much it would hurt...I'd step aside but before that happened, I would make sure that the person was worthy.
And not just worthy of Santana but worthy of our kids...and our cat.
The family wouldn't ruin this, the past wouldn't taint it, and history would not repeat itself.
Before anything else, Santana Lopez was my best friend, and I knew that I'd protect her with my dying breath.
Santana's POV
I knelt between Britt's legs as she kissed me and made my boobs feel the best they'd felt in months.
Why did it feel so fucking good?
God, how did she reduce me to mush just minutes after agreeing to meet Iris?
And it didn't feel like she was trying to convince me to stay...or to not do this, instead it just felt like love.
I gripped the edge of the tub when she pressed those beautiful fingers into me.
"Oh God!"
Something about her sucking on my nipple made the impending orgasm seem heightened.
How did her mouth feel different?
I looked down at her and her eyes were staring up at me with so much love in them.
As she fucked me closer to release, I buried my fingers in her hair, trying to keep her mouth in place.
The water sloshed as I moved my hips against her fingers, and then she released my boob with a pop while slowing down her thrusting fingers.
She was edging me, just how I liked, and then she growled before picking up the other boob and sucking it into her mouth.
I was chanting her name when the pleasure started all over.
"Yes, yes, Britt, fuck! Yes! Harder, Daddy please!" And that just made her add a finger, "Oh God, Yes! Give it all to me. Everything!" I begged, and she did.
I ached as she moved her whole hand into me, but I didn't want it to ever stop.
I swear, I wanted to just stay there forever, feeling the euphoria of being hollowed out...emptied of all the weight I'd been carrying.
When I finally came, shaking and squirting against her, she wrapped her arms around me and held me there.
And I lost it.
Our connection wasn't gone.
We were still us.
Still Brittana.
Just a little different, and like always, Britt made me feel okay with that.
She made me feel like we'd be okay, no matter what and up until that moment as I sobbed against her shoulder, I didn't realize just how much I needed that.
Needed her, to both hold me close and let me go.
"I'm here, Baby, let it out. I got you. Always and only you, Santana...I love you, I will never NOT love you. I want you to finally be happy, and I'll slay a million dragons and bad guys to make sure that happens."
"Oh God...how are you so...you're a genius, Britt Britt." I sighed and then pulled back enough to look up in her eyes. "I promise the same, B. No matter what happens, I will slay dragons for you. We both get to be happy, I promise." I held up both pinkies, and she grinned...her eyes tearing up as she gripped my pinkies in hers.
"Awesome...let's get dressed, move your stuff to OUR room, and then go take a walk."
"Walk?"
"Well, if we turn on the car we'll wake up our nosey neighbors. Definitely don't want to do that, I told you Quinn's over there."
"True."
I was about to move but then she cupped my face the same way that Iris had earlier. "Hey?"
"Yeah?"
"We'll fight for each other still, right?"
"I owe you that, B. I'll be better...and I'll be open here and in therapy."
"Good."
Moving my things into the master bedroom didn't feel like a punishment like it would have before that night.
Britt and I teased each other about who's bed was more comfortable (mine), and which sheets were better (hers).
"Are you sure you'll be okay being back in one room with me?" She asked and I smirked.
"Of course, believe it or not, I don't actually like sleeping alone. Even though we agreed to not co-sleeping with Gia, I've been doing it since the beginning. Once I know you're asleep, I go back in her room and get her."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, it's easier than having to get up and possibly wake up Daniela, so I just keep Gia with me."
"Well, now that I'll be in the bed with you, wake me up when you hear her, and I'll get up. She's my baby too, I want to help you. You know that."
"I know, I just, for the last few months...I've been preparing myself for being a single mom."
She looked at me in horror, and our good mood was lost...crap.
"Even if we get divorced, you will NEVER be a single mom. Not really, I plan to be here every day. I don't want to miss anything."
"Really? You sure you want to give up living in the city because I don't think I ever want to go back."
"I don't care if you move to the moon, Santana, I'll be there."
A weight lifted off of me, and I smiled.
She looked at me sideways, then. "What's with the face?"
"It's just, you've smiled more tonight than you have since I got back from tour. I missed your smile."
"Well, it's my own damn fault. I was holding so much back because I didn't want to fight, and here all I had to do was talk to you to feel better. I get myself all tied in knots and in one hour, you unravel me. How do you do that, B?"
"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm the foremost expert on Santana Lopez?"
"Yeah, but I'm not the same Santana Lopez."
"Doesn't matter, I made it my life's mission, from that first night in your room, to know you better than anyone."
"Why?"
"It started with being jealous of Quinn but eventually, it just became a habit. I don't think you realize just how obsessed I am with you...even if...well...we can't be US how we have been, I will still want to know everything about you."
"But I'm not that special."
"You are the most special, Baby. That's why everyone wants you."
"Is that it?"
"Yup."
We finished making the bed around 3.
And decided that we'd move the baby into my old room since it was right across the hall.
It had originally been a nursery and I'd taken it but now it would be used for its intended purpose.
Getting the baby's stuff moved in there took about twenty minutes, and I felt so satisfied knowing that I wasn't pushing any of my kids out of a room because of my own comfort.
I belonged in the bed with my wife, she was giving me so much, and I owed it to her to share her bed.
It wasn't asking much, I loved cuddling with her the most, and now I wouldn't have to tuck my tail between my legs to get all up on her.
My promise to her was giving my all to her, just as much as I'd give Iris, but what she didn't realize is that because she'd let me explore with Iris, I'd give her more than I'd give Iris.
As it should be.
I was just hoping that she liked her enough to let things progress because if she didn't, all of the good faith would be for shit.
But I was hopeful.
I had to be.
Brittany's POV
We walked hand in hand towards town sometime after 3am, and I tried to ignore Mom's old saying that nothing good happens after 2am.
In fact, I was ignoring all the advice that anyone had ever given me about marriage because my wife, who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders since she was way too young to even know anything, was smiling.
She was light.
So, I held her hand all the way to the hotel lobby.
"Don't you have a keycard?" I asked her and she nodded.
"I do but, I can't just show up. We barely know each other still, B. I want to be respectful." She said while she texted Iris.
I brought her hand to my lips, and she smiled. "You're sweet." I whispered and she nodded.
"Sometimes I'm sweet but I'm still my bitchy self. That hasn't changed." She shifted her hips and hissed.
"Are you sore?"
She grinned and nodded. "Yeah, I can still feel you...I missed that." She admitted, and when she was done sending her text she leaned up and kissed me. "I'll always love you the most, B."
"You don't know that."
"I know that with every fiber of my being, Britt Britt."
Her phone buzzed but she didn't look right away, instead she kissed me again and it made me feel important.
Good.
"Answer it." I said and she nodded and looked down at her phone.
"She said to come in."
"Then let's go."
Ana led me down the first hallway from the lobby and when I saw the room number, I had to laugh.
"I know, when she told me, I felt so shitty."
"Well stop that. I'm here with you willingly."
"Yeah?" She looked so nervous.
God, how amazing was this woman that she threw Ana off so much?
And then this amazon of a woman opened the door.
I wasn't used to many girls that I had to look up to, but she was just a little taller than me and it felt so weird.
Then I looked her up and down, she was a knockout.
"Damn." I said and Ana looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Coming in, B?"
It was then that I realized that Iris was holding the door open for us and Ana was halfway in with her hand out to me.
"Yeah, yeah." Even I was flustered.
That was not a good thing.
When the door closed, I was standing between Ana and Iris until she put her hand out to me, "Hi. I can't believe it's you...like here, in my room. It's an honor!"
What my wife had failed to mention when she talked about Iris googling us, was that Iris herself was one of my fans.
Thank God, I had grabbed one of those NDAs before leaving the house because I was going to need it.
Frankie had gotten me an agent recently, and I knew that they'd both be screaming at me to not let this go any further.
But I was stepping out on faith.
Hopefully it would be enough.
Ana stood against the wall, looking from me to Iris while we both sat there.
"I think I like it like this, both of you looking up at me for once." Ana tried to joke, and Iris, bless her heart just rolled her eyes.
"Did you come here to say something to me or are you just going to be a fixture on the wall?" She asked Ana, and my wife tipped up her chin, gathering some sort of strength.
"Brittany agreed to meet you. Which is what you wanted, right?"
Iris was looking at me then and nodded.
"She was honest with you then, about her intentions with me?" Iris asked and I nodded.
"I want to make sure you aren't going to take advantage of either of us. My wife is my world, and a lot of people have tried to take advantage of her. I won't let that happen again."
"Of course, I get that. She's my dream girl...I've kind of been love with her since I first saw her on tour. When she showed up in my biology class and I got to know her, well so far I just know that I want more. If that's okay with you."
"She's my wife, and we are working on keeping it that way. That doesn't scare you?" I asked and she shrugged.
"Not really, I'd date you both. I just...there's something about her, and you really that makes me want to see where this goes. I'll sign whatever you want. I know that you'll want that kind of security, and I'm in. Whatever boundaries you set, I'll stay in them."
"Really? I don't get it, why do you want to be with me?" Ana said, looking so confused. "I'm just Santana...I'm not this goddess you saw on a stage. I'm so flawed." When her voice cracked, I reached out to her, and she came over to me without hesitation. As broken as we'd been, something was changed...healed even. I patted my leg and she sat on my lap without getting stiff and when I wrapped my arm around her waist, she leaned into me with a sigh.
Iris stood up then, and came over to us, she looked to me for permission and I nodded.
Then I watched her slide her hands into Ana's hair and tip her face up. When their lips met, Ana's nails dug into my thigh, like she needed the assurance that I wasn't running away. I held her there while Iris kissed her into relaxing.
It was so strange to feel like this was actually okay, but I didn't feel angry or jealous.
Not even when Iris pulled Ana to her feet and wrapped her arms around her.
Iris pulled back and rested her forehead against Ana's, "Is this okay?"
Ana looked at me, and I responded for us both. "Yes."
That was all it took for them to move to the bed and begin to make out.
Every few minutes though, Ana would look to me and I never looked away, I just nodded.
After the third time, she reached her hand out to me and I climbed on the bed right behind her, letting her rest back against me while Iris took over.
Once I was there with her, Ana seemed to be less anxious.
I ran my hand up and down her side, and she moved her ass back against me with a moan.
"Is this too fast?" Iris asked her and she shook her head, finally answering for herself.
I cupped Ana over her panties and could feel how soaked she was.
And even then, with the person she wanted to explore with right in front of her she still pushed back against me and moaned, "Please Daddy, inside...please?"
Iris leaned back then, with lust in her eyes and watched as I slid Ana's panties to the side and pushed into her, and then Iris leaned in and sucked her lip into her mouth.
Between the two of us, Ana seemed to be in another world.
It was like that part of me that had been switched off for so long, was being turned on, all it took was some help.
Iris ran her hand over Ana's stomach and then looked at me for guidance, "She needs it slow but hard."
"Show me?" She asked and I took my free hand and pressed her fingers against Ana's clit moving them the way that my wife liked.
"Oh, fuck!" Ana squealed.
Once I let go of Iris' fingers and focused on fucking my wife, Iris kept the rhythm going until Ana was shouting louder than she had in years.
She needed this...I just hoped that it didn't blow up in my face.
But then Iris looked at me, "Thank you for showing me, Daddy." and suddenly I didn't fucking care if it all blew up, I was going to enjoy this.
Happy birthday to me.
Santana's POV
Iris brought out that part of Brittany that had died...go figure.
They seemed to be on the same vibration in fucking me into submission, and it wasn't a power trip.
It was finally, what I hadn't been able to achieve before without abuse.
For hours, I was at their mercy until I passed out panting and sweaty between them.
I could hear them talking and laughing as I lay there blissed out of my mind.
If this was my new reality, there was no way that I'd fall back into the depression that had been gripping me for months.
127 people were dead, and daily antidepressants weren't doing the trick.
But this...being held and loved by two amazing women seemed to be enough...at least in that moment.
I fell into a peaceful sleep sometime around sunrise, feeling protected and loved.
When I woke up, it was to kisses from more than one pair of lips and two sets of hands were touching me.
"Baby, we need to go home, you need to wake up."
"No." I grumbled.
"Santana, love, get up. I have coffee." Iris said, her minty breath close to my lips. "If you get up, we can go again."
And I sat up, so fucking fast.
"Maybe I'm not the only expert." B said. "Hey there, Lollipop." She winked and I shivered. "I went to Target, thankfully it's right across the parking lot. I got us a change of clothes, Izzy has a basketball game in an hour. So, we should get going."
"Shit." And then it hit me that time wasn't on my side. "But you said we could go again." I said to Iris and then looked at B who shrugged.
"You two can go again while I run home to get the car, and Isaac, then I'll come back for you. I'll just tell the family that you went out for a run and I'm picking you up on the way."
"Wait, you're going to let me be with Iris...without you?" I squeaked.
Why did the idea of being alone with Iris now terrify me?
"She signed the NDA, and I told you, I wanted to be here for the first time...but she's here for your needs not mine."
"You like Brittany though." I said to Iris, and she shrugged.
"Yeah, I do but she insists that she'll join sometimes but that officially you and I can explore."
"Explore?" I said again to Britt, and she nodded.
"Dating seems like the before of a marriage, you know. Since we are still working on us, it seems confusing to say yes, go date another woman. So, for now, being with Iris means getting your needs met, and if you and I can't figure things out, then we can talk about what comes next."
"Oh...okay." I was so confused.
Wasn't dating what exploring was?
Was I not able to call Iris my girlfriend?
What was she to me?
Iris took my hand and squeezed it, smiling so beautifully at me, "I'm okay with this, Santana. We talked it through and it's only fair to Brittany and your kids that you two really do work on making your marriage, your relationship stronger. I'm a big girl. I'm not looking to settle down anytime soon, so this works for me...okay?"
They both looked so content, but I felt confused.
Happy, satisfied, but so fucking confused.
I was getting what I wanted but it didn't feel like it.
Why didn't it feel like it?
Even though we had permission, and we'd gone all the way the night before, when Britt left we didn't have sex right away.
Although, Iris did keep her hand on my bare ass while she laid there staring at me.
"You're beautiful." She said, her lips looking swollen from all the kissing.
"So are you."
"Thank you for trusting me enough to let me in. I know it wasn't easy for you. So, you know, I really meant what I said yesterday, I will respect whatever boundaries you set."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"And what about me...can I have you or are you not ready for that?"
She smacked my ass and then scooted up the bed, spreading her legs and winking at me. "Show me what you've got, Lopez."
I crawled up towards her, hooking my arms under her thighs and she made me work for her orgasm.
She kept adjusting until finally, she came shaking while nearly tearing my hair from my scalp.
When I sat up, feeling utterly exhausted she was grinning.
"You're out of practice, obviously."
"What?"
"Brittany doesn't ask you to do that much, does she?"
"No...she's usually in control...I don't really touch her anymore. She's not really into it."
"Well, no worries, I'll refresh your memory...in the meantime, we should get you clean before Brittany's back."
"Would you mind if I showered alone?"
She shrugged and turned on the tv. "That's fine, love. Go, get back into the headspace you need to be in. I'm more than satisfied."
I leaned over and captured her lips, and she groaned when I pulled away. "Thanks for everything, Iris."
"No, thank you. Now go shower, I'm going to text Brittany to bring your pump, looks like you're springing a leak."
"Shit, sorry."
I looked down and could see what she meant, and where Britt had made me feel like a goddess the night before, Iris somehow made me feel dirty and embarrassed.
"No worries, it just does a terrible job of reminding me that your boobs belong to a baby and as cute as they are, I am so not ready for that in my life." And then she shivered.
At least she was honest.
I had been doing this baby thing since I was 18, it was normal to me and to B...but to Iris, it was unchartered territory.
Maybe some people would take offense, but she was drawing a line in not so many words.
She was not interested in being a stepmom.
Noted.
After that, I rushed through a shower and was relieved when I got a text from Britt.
Izzy is grabbing a waffle from the breakfast bar, told him it was a treat. Come out when you're done-Britt
When I stepped out into the room, Iris was fast asleep, so I grabbed my things and left her there, feeling once again like I was leaving a job.
I hated that feeling.
Britt was standing there with a cup of coffee and my pump over her shoulder, with a smile on her face that made me feel safe again.
"You okay, Baby?"
She could see that I had been crying, I had tried to keep my cool but once I was in the shower I wept as quietly as I could.
What was I doing there?
Who was I anymore?
Was Iris really what I wanted?
And then that first craving to be numb hit, and I cried more.
Britt noticed it right away, and that meant way more than she knew.
"I think I need a meeting."
"We have time before the game, I'll set you up in the car to pump, then after the game, I'll take Izzy back to Sandra's and we can go to a meeting together. I don't want to leave your side today. I just feel like you need me really bad right now, which is great because I need you too. Is that okay?"
"More than okay, Britt Britt. As always, you know exactly what I need, that's why I will always love you most."