AN: Poor, ugly Colonel Fitzwilliam. xoxo jest on you
Colonel Fitzwilliam choked on his potatoes. Thankfully, a footman was more helpful than his cousin.
"What did you say?" he asked when he was not dying any longer.
"I said that my Elizabeth has been told by her new friends that society believes you to be secretly engaged to Georgiana," said Darcy.
"Georgiana!" The Colonel was aghast. "She is my ward—a younger cousin half my age!"
"They say that those are not uncommon details in marriage. And they would be correct," replied Darcy. "Of course I find the idea as appalling as you do."
"Good God—she is like a daughter to me."
"I am happy to hear that you are not secretly engaged to my sister. My mother-in-law will also be happy to hear of it."
"What?"
"My darling Elizabeth's mother believes that you might be a good match for one of her unwed daughters."
"Good God—if I could not bring myself to propose to a fortuneless Miss Elizabeth Bennet, what makes Mrs. Bennet believe that I will propose to her equally fortuneless other daughters?"
"Love," said Darcy, voice cold and eyes stabbing his cousin with a dreadful glare. "What is this about you proposing to my wife when she was a maiden?"
"I did not propose to her. I only considered it!" Colonel Fitzwilliam realised his mistake even before Darcy's mien turned murderous. Fortunately for him, he had overheard some gossip of his own. "Come, Darcy, you must not be so severe. Your wife is handsome and charming; you should count yourself fortunate that her suitors had been ugly instead of dashing. Imagine if my cousin—the Duke—had known her and proposed to her instead of Mr. Collins!"
"Mr. Collins? The pompous fool—he proposed to my Elizabeth? At what date? At what time?" Darcy's grip tightened around his glass. "How dare he!"
"Yes, how dare he!"
Later, when the Colonel retired to bed, he almost regretted his actions. For, he was situated in the family wing of one of the Darcys' homes and could hear the moans of Mrs. Darcy, who was being encouraged by Mr. Darcy to shout to the heavens that he was the only man in the world she would ever be prevailed upon to marry. In truth, if the Colonel ignored Darcy's grunting and focused on Mrs. Darcy's carnal cries alone, it was highly erotic.
He needed a wife. However, only an heiress would do. He supposed he was mercenary that way. It was unfortunate that he was not handsome.