As Isa slept, images played through her mind.
A knife glinting in the moonlight.
Blood…blood everywhere…so much blood.
Voices telling her how pathetic and unlovable she was.
The small dark room she was locked in when she failed to meet their standards.
Hange awoke to Isa's whimpers coming from the bunk above her. This wasn't the first time she'd been stirred from sleep by Isa's cries. Hange had asked her friend in the past, but Isa hadn't wanted to talk about it. All she'd said was that her real parents had been killed, the people who took care of her had been horrible people, and that she'd escaped to join the Military.
Isa hadn't shared anything else about her nightmares with Hange, and Hange had kept her questions to herself, understanding that Isa would tell her if and when she was ready. Instead, she did the same thing she did every time Isa had a nightmare. It was what Hange's mother used to do when she was younger, and it had always made her feel better.
She lifted herself up into the top bunk and laid down beside Isa. She whispered to her friend, her sister in a soft voice. "Sleep Isa, it's okay. I'm here."
And, as if sensing she was no longer alone, Isa's whimpers ceased, and she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
When Hange felt sure that Isa slept soundly, she allowed herself to drift off.
It was the last day of training and Isa was ecstatic.
She'd done it. She'd actually done it. It was the end of year three, and Isa had made it through the torture that was training. While there were times where training had been easy, there had still been challenges. Tomorrow they'd be announcing the top ten and then the next day they'd be able to choose their regiments.
Isa could care less about whether or not she made the top ten. That had never been her goal. Sure she could have maybe set her goal to join the Military Police and tried to fix the corruption, but the odds of her alone being able to make any sort of change were slim. Besides, they can't know she's still alive, and going to Wall Sina would only make it all the more likely that they'd find her.
Today they'd allowed the cadets to do some free training, where they were allowed to pick and choose what they wanted to work on. Isa had decided to work on her ODM skills, and she was currently working through the last of the titan dummies that were set up in the forest. She'd spent all day going back and forth switching out the rubber pieces, and this would be her last round.
Where some cadets often just went through the motions, Isa always tried to find a different path each time. She knew that titans would be unpredictable, so she couldn't get into the bad habit of following a set path. Titans of all sizes can appear out of nowhere, so she needed to be ready.
She saw a group of three titan dummies ahead of her, and as she approached, she formulated a plan of attack. Air whooshing around her as she pressed the trigger for more gas, the whizzing of her grappling hooks filled the air as she looped down under their arms and swung back around towards the nape of the farthest titan.
Her blades clanked as they easily sliced through the nape. Not pausing for even a second, she used a tree to quickly change directions, aiming for the next one. At the last second, she swooped up, pretending the titan had tried to grab out her, leaving her to quickly change her path. She looped back around, avoiding the hands of the other titan, and made quick work of the titan's neck. This left the final titan.
Isa imagined that this one was an abnormal titan, and that it was quickly stomping its way towards her. She sped towards the ground and aimed for the rubber pieces that made up the heels of the titan. She sliced through both almost simultaneously, which would cause the titan to theoretically fall to the ground. She used her hooks to quickly wind herself up the titan's back, and with a swing of her blades, the final titan was defeated.
With that, she took a brief second to admire her work, and then set about to replace the rubber pieces so that the next person wouldn't have to do so.
After she'd finished, she decided to take a shower before meeting up with her friends for dinner. As she let the water run over her body, she traced a finger over the scar on her arm. Escaping had been her only means of getting out of Mitras.
As long as I stay away from Mitras, I'll be okay.
She couldn't wait to dedicate herself officially to the scouts and get the brown jacket and cloak with the wings of freedom on them. To be rid of the cadet jacket. To be free.
She remembered the first time she'd seen a scout.
She'd been around twelve at the time and was going outside for the first time. They'd kept her locked inside the giant house, forbidden from leaving, for fear of her running off, and for fear of what others would think of her horrendous manners, her awful behavior. Running out of patience, they thought perhaps a taste of what she was missing would steer her into the direction they wanted.
They'd gone to Shiganshina for the day to do some charity work. Another excuse for the nobles to think highly of themselves. They went there under the guise of helping the "less fortunate," but in reality, they relished in the prospect of the peasants, the commoners, kissing the ground at their feet, worshipping the ground they walked on. They fed off the adoration of others, like parasites leeching off their hosts.
Their wagon had been loaded with clothes, jewelry, all kinds of items that they no longer used, to bring to districts in the outer walls as donations to local merchants. As they rode through the town, Isa had watched as people gaped at the elegant carriage they rode in, the horses' gleaming coats. When they stepped out of the carriage, people were in awe of the fine fabrics of their clothing.
Isa had abhorred the attention.
She had thought to herself how the nobles were no different than the people around them. They still bled, fed, ate, shit just like any other person. The only difference was the money the nobles had. She'd wanted to scream to the people to stop feeding their madness, but she'd known it would be moot.
They were stopped at one of the merchants, standing idly by as the owners of the store unloaded the goods from the wagon. Isa had heard people yelling that the Scouts were leaving. Curious, she'd made her way over to where a crowd of people were gathering. She pushed her way to the front, and watched as men and women on horseback, wearing the wings of freedom, rode to the gate.
She'd asked someone standing next to her who they were.
"Those people, young miss, are the good men and women of the Scouts, one of the branches of our military. They leave our walls to learn what's out there, and to learn as much as they can about the titans. They give their lives in search of answers and freedom."
"You mean you can leave the walls?" Her heart had leapt at the thought.
"As a scout you can."
"Isa!" The voice came seconds before a harsh hand grabbed her arm. "I can't believe you would wander off like that. Come, it's time to go."
She yanked her arm out of the grasp, glaring at the woman in front of her. "No, I want to stay and watch the scouts." She wanted to know more about these people who left the sanctity of the walls, wanted to learn how to join, wanted to know more, be more, see more, do more. More, everything.
The woman's tone was haughty, nose set high in the air. "Absolutely not. Those people are a disgrace. They do nothing but waste our money on their failed expeditions. If our government had any sense, they would disband the regiment immediately, and move all funding to the Military Police."
The woman had to forcibly drag her back, clearly embarrassed by the fuss Isa was making as she fought each step of the way, but the woman's grasp was iron tight. As she struggled against the woman's hold, Isa had looked behind her, watching the Scouts, marveling at the idea of being able to leave. Seeing the scouts had fueled her desire for freedom, triggering something deep within her. Something she'd long ago locked away. Hope. That day she'd promised herself that she would find a way to join the Scouts. She wanted to see for herself what else was out there.
Running off like that plus the refusal to come along when told, had earned her two weeks in the dark room. Noble girls must know their place and mustn't leave their duties. She'd had a responsibility to assist with the charity work. And she'd proven to them that she was not yet ready to leave the house. It would be another three years before they allowed her to leave again.
In the mess hall, Isa could sense the mixed emotions in the air from the cadets around them. Some were elated, some excited, others anxious. Isa was a mix of the three, but mostly, excitement filled her. The day she'd been waiting for, for so long, was so close.
She thought back to that day when her friends had asked why she and Hange wanted to join the Scouts.
Lucy had been the one to ask, as they sat at this very same table next to the glint window.
"Isa…we, Sherri and I, were wondering. Why exactly is it you want to join the Scouts?"
Isa sighed. "I know, you essentially have to be suicidal to join that branch." They'd asked her this before, but she'd avoided answering, unsure if they would understand.
"Well it's not so much that, it's just…I've seen you train, and you're really good. I wouldn't be surprised if you made the top ten. Why wouldn't you want to choose a more comfortable, safer position?"
Resigned, Isa took a moment before answering, trying to think of how to best explain. "Are we ever really safe? Safe from what? Titans? Or humans? At least with titans, they seem somewhat more predictable. Humans…humans are less consistent in their actions. In my experience, humans are far more dangerous."
It was Sherri who spoke up this time. "Ok, yes, that's a fair point, but even still. You're someone who has the potential to join the Military Police. The safest branch," Sherri rolled her eyes at the bland look Isa shot her, "okay, okay, safest from titans, but still, why would you want to go with the Scouts? Even the Garrison is safer."
A small, humorless smile was on Isa's face as she answered. "Well don't you ever think it's strange how we train, and work hard, and become strong titan killers, so that we can make the top ten and then join the most interior branch of the military? It's a bit backwards if you ask me. The top of each training group should go to the Scouts. I'm sure they'd have less fatalities if they had the chance to consistently have the top of the class."
That gave the two girls pause. Again, it was Lucy who recovered first. "I…I'd never really thought of it that way."
Isa stared wistfully out the window, imagining the walls out in the distance. "Don't you ever get tired of these walls? Every day we wake up inside these walls, not knowing what's out there. There has to be more out there, and I'll be damned if I don't find out what."
Sherri looked at Hange. "Hange, I know you're going to join the Scouts, but we've never asked you why, so I guess we want to know why you're joining too. Just so that we can maybe understand. We've always wondered why some people even choose that branch."
Isa tried to stop her before Hange could say anything, "No, wait don't get her start—" …But it was too late.
"Well I'm really interested in the titans, and I think there's so much that we just don't know about them. Think about it, would we know how to kill a titan if the Scouts hadn't been going out on expeditions?" Hange's face began to take on that maniacal glint that Isa was familiar with. Hell, she was practically drooling as she kept going. "Not just that, but how could you not want to try to learn more. Where they come from? Can they speak? How do they survive without food? Are any intelligent? Do they feel pain? Remorse? Fear? How can I find out answers if I'm inside the walls? How can I learn in the Garrison or Military Police? My only option is the Scouts." Having said that in one breath, Hange paused as she filled her lungs back up with air.
Both girls looked at Hange and Isa as if they'd both grown another head, yet, at the same time, there was also an understanding look written on their faces, one suggesting that they could see her points. The two girls had never thought of any of this before. Never thought to ask questions. All they'd ever heard is that you essentially have to be insane to join the Scouts.
Her friends soon joined her for dinner, pulling her back to the present, and they spent the meal just enjoying each other's company. Isa was elated at the thought of graduating, but there was also an underlying sorrow as the time where they would all separate grew near. She feared that she would never speak to them again.
What if Lucy and Sherri don't want to stay in touch? What if they don't want to stay friends? We are friends right? How often should I write them? I don't want to get on their nerves, but I also don't want them to think I don't want to talk to them…how do people even do this sort of thing? What if I want to visit them but they don't want to see me?
Isa tried to shake off her fears, but they nagged at her all throughout dinner, and she didn't know how to ask. There were times where she felt like an outsider looking in, but other times, she felt like she belonged. Instead, she merely watched as her friends laughed at some new crazy theory Hange had concocted. They all had such different laughs. Lucy was the type to throw her head back, gasping for air as her laugh took over her. Sherri would usually just rest her head on the table, her shoulders shaking as silent giggles ran through her body. Hange had a more boisterous, joyful laugh, that was full of life. Seeing her friends enjoying themselves, she couldn't help but smile.
She would miss these times immensely.
After dinner, she told her friends she'd see them later. Once everyone had left the mess hall, Isa snuck into the kitchen to snag a carrot, and then made her way over to the stables. She wanted to spend one last night with Luna, just in case she wouldn't be able to keep her once she'd joined the scouts.
As she approached Luna's stall, the mare poked her head out, giving an excited whinny in greeting.
Isa laughed as she entered the stall and reached out to rub the mare's nose. "You missed me huh girl? I just saw you yesterday."
The mare threw her head back and huffed, stamping a hoof on the ground, as if to say that was still too long.
"I know I know, I missed you too." Isa gave the mare a sly grin. "You know what I brought for you." She pulled the carrot she'd stolen from the kitchen out of her pocket, dangling it in front of Luna's muzzle. The mare threw back her head again, the joy apparent in her soft brown eyes.
The mare attempted to snatch the carrot out of Isa's hands, to which Isa drew it further out of reach, tutting, a sly grin on her face. "Now, now, Luna, where are your manners. I'd like to keep my fingers intact if that's alright with you." The mare rolled her eyes and huffed in apology. "That's more like it, now here you go." She held out the carrot and this time Luna gently took it from Isa, her eyes filled with warm gratitude as she crunched on the glorious treat.
Isa stroked the soft fur between Luna's eyes, and the mare huffed in quiet contentment. "You're one of the few beings in this messed up world that I truly trust Luna." Luna nuzzled at Isa, as if to say the trust was mutual.
Isa wrapped her arms around Luna's warm neck, running her hands through the mare's soft mane. "I hope I can take you with me. I don't think I can bear to part with you." A few, lone tears escaped Isa's eyes as she breathed in the comforting scent that was Luna.
She stayed that way for a while, softly stroking the mare's neck. Isa could slowly feel the muscles slowly relax beneath her hand. Pulling back she looked at Luna's relaxed face. "How about a brush?"
The mare nickered in agreement.
Isa pulled down Isa's brush from the shelf and set about to brush Luna's fur. She feared that this would be the last time she'd be able to do this. She had yet to pluck up the courage to ask the instructor if she could keep the horse.
Over the past three years, Isa had spent countless hours with Luna. The mare was her solace when she needed a break from humans and was always happy to see Isa approach. Isa had always loved how animals have this nature about them, where they're willing to love unconditionally. Only when they're treated cruelly do they lash out, but even then, they still love with everything they have.
All too soon, Isa finished brushing the mare's coat, and she knew she needed to leave soon, lest she get in trouble by one of the instructors for being out so late. The last thing she wanted were problems this close to graduation.
Sighing, she gave Luna a hug. "I'm going to talk to the instructor tomorrow morning, and hopefully I'll be able to keep you." She gave the mare a soft kiss on her muzzle, who gave a soft nicker in return, and then walked out of the stall.
The next morning Isa made her way to the head instructor's office and knocked on his door. Her stomach was twisted in knots as she thought of all the ways this could go wrong.
"Name and business."
"Cadet Tudor sir, I'm here to request a moment of your time to discuss something."
"Very well, enter cadet."
She opened the door and walked into the office.
"Have a seat, just give me a moment to finish this up."
She sat in front of the instructor's desk and waited for him to finish. While the man still intimidated her to no end, she'd grown to respect him throughout training. He clearly cared about the well-being of his cadets, even if he never said it. He showed it through his actions. He worked hard to make sure the cadets were well-trained to the best of his ability.
Finally, he looked up at her. "Alright cadet, to what do I owe the complete displeasure of your visit."
She held back a smile at the instructor's words. They all knew that he enjoyed it when cadets came in to speak with him. It took him out of the mundane paperwork he was forced to do when not training the cadets. "Well sir, it's about my horse."
"What about her."
"…Well…you see sir, after training, I intend to join the scouts."
"Get to the point cadet."
Isa's palms were sweating at this point. "I was wondering if it would be at all possible to keep my horse once I join the scouts."
"I see."
For what felt like an eternity to Isa, the instructor pondered her request.
"Cadet, you know this is not something that normally happens. The horses generally stay with us, and the scouts supply their members with their own horses."
Isa's face fell. "I understand sir."
"But I've seen how well the mare responds to you, and she seems to be quite attached.
A small flicker of hope burned inside Isa.
"Alright cadet, I'll approve your request. You can keep your horse."
The small flicker turned into a flame inside Isa as a rare grin spread across her face. She quickly jumped up and gave a proud salute to her instructor. "Thank you sir, you won't regret this."
"See that I don't cadet. We expect great things from you. I'll inform the Scout Commander of this. Dismissed."
She raced out of the instructor's office and ran to the stables. She knew exactly with whom she first wanted to share the news.
She burst into Luna's stall and threw her arms around the mare's neck. "I did it Luna. I asked him and he said I can take you with me." Tears fell out of Isa's eyes and onto the mare's warm neck. For once, she felt nothing but pure and utter joy.
The mare gave a content nicker at her words, nuzzling Isa's back.
She gave Luna another brush, and then took her out to the pasture so she could stretch her legs for the day.
Leaving Luna to graze in the field, she went to find Hange so she could share the good news. She found her sitting against a tree near the training grounds. Plopping down beside Hange, she gave her friend a grin.
Hange took in Isa's excited expression. "What is it?"
Isa's words came out in an excited rush. "I spoke with the head trainer this morning?"
Hange perked up at that. "And! What did he say?"
"He said I could keep Luna."
Hange squealed and threw her arms around Isa. "That's amazing. The two of you have such a great bond, I think she'll be perfect for you when we go on expeditions."
Isa felt grateful for Hange. After that first day when they'd met, she'd never again doubted that Hange was truly her friend. Chewing on her lip, she tried to figure out how to phrase what she wanted to say. "Hey Hange."
Hange pulled back and looked at Isa through her goggles. "Yeah?"
"Thank you."
Hange's brows knitted in confusion. "You're welcome…for what?"
"For...for being my friend. I don't know what I would have done without you all these years." She did her best to keep the tears out of her voice, though the lump in her throat made it difficult.
Hange blinked at her friend, a little taken aback as Isa was not one to generally speak about her feelings. She quickly pulled Isa back in for a tight hug. "Don't be silly, you don't have to thank me for that."
Leaning back against the tree, Isa rested her head on her best friend's, no, her sister's shoulder, comforted by the sound of her voice as she carried on in excitement about joining the scouts and finally being able to leave the walls, see titans and so on.
Later that morning, it was time for graduation, where the cadets would finally learn who was in the top ten. The cadets had gathered around the stage that had been set up on the training grounds, as they awaited the results. Isa could feel the air was thick with tension and anticipation. She could hear the groups of cadets around her, all desperate to know who would be safe and who would become titan fodder.
All too soon, the instructors took their place at the center of stage, calling for attention from the cadets.
The head instructor spoke first. "As you know, today is the day we announce the cadets who have made the top ten. After today, you will have until tomorrow to make your decision as to which branch you lot will be choosing. As a reminder, you have, the Garrison, charged with guarding the walls, the Military Police, tasked with protecting the inner wall and the King, and finally, the Scouts, who risk their lives to venture out into the unknown, to try to learn more about the titans that plague us, with the hopes that one day we will be able to learn what they are, where they come from, why they're here, and how to defeat them."
During Isa's time in training, she had learned that the instructor was a former scout, and meeting someone who had survived countless expeditions had inspired her and instilled a hope in her that perhaps she too could survive this. Isa had been grateful that they had been trained by someone who had some semblance of what they were doing. She could only imagine the disastrous results of being trained by someone from the Garrison, or worse, the Military Police.
She listened as he continued. "It is now time to learn which of you pathetic lot were the least disappointing."
The head instructor nodded at one of the other instructors who stepped forward. In a bored voice, she spoke. "When I call your name, please step forward to the front."
As the instructor droned through the names, Isa only paid attention to see where her friends placed. Hange placed second, which was no surprise there. Isa smiled as her friend took her place at the front. She really deserves this.
Lucy and Sherri placed seventh and eighth, and Isa was ecstatic for her friends. Now they could choose the Military Police like they'd wanted.
What came as an utter surprise to Isa, was when the instructor called out the number ten spot.
"Number ten, Isa Tudor."
No way. No way I made the top ten. That's…that's not possible…right?
Completely frozen in shock, Isa made no move to go stand with the rest of the top ten, vaguely aware that all eyes were on her. Taking initiative, Hange walked back to where Isa stood and grabbed her arm, dragging her up to take her place at the front.
Isa's wide eyes met Hange's, which were crinkled by the grin on her face.
Isa barely registered when the head instructor began to speak again. "These are the top ten of this class, and they will have the option of choosing to join the Military Police if they so choose. I say again, you have until tomorrow to choose. At the choosing ceremony, the commander of each branch will give a brief speech, after which you will need to have made your decision." He gave a final, cursory glance to the cadets. He would never admit that this bunch held the most promise of all the groups he'd trained. "Dismissed."
Isa still couldn't believe it. She'd made the top ten. Never in her wildest dreams would she have expected this to happen. She'd hoped, but had kept that hope buried, completely expecting it to be merely another dream that would never be fulfilled.
She looked at Hange again, finally allowing the news to sink in, a grin spreading on her face. "Let's run to Trost. I want to share the news with Ethel."
What both girls failed to notice, was the dark, glowering gaze full of hatred that followed Isa as the two girls left the training grounds.
The two girls made a quick trip to Trost, arriving within a couple of hours. They made their way to the teashop Isa had found a few months prior. Isa had managed to visit a couple of times since meeting Ethel, enjoying the feel of having a grandmother-like figure in her life. The older woman always made time for Isa, closing up shop and listening to stories from her experiences in training over a cup of warm chamomile tea. Those days where Isa visited always left her feeling at peace.
They walked into the teashop where they saw Ethel was at the counter and gave Isa and Hange a warm smile when she saw the two girls.
"Girls!" The warmth in her tone ever present. "What a pleasant surprise. I was wondering if you would be able to stop by sometime soon. Isa dear, I was out at the market and I found something I think you'd like."
"Oh Ethel, you didn't have to get me anything."
Ethel tutted. "Hush now and let this old woman spoil you."
"Before you do, Ethel, there's something I want to share with you. Today was our graduation and they announced who made the top ten." Isa couldn't keep the grin off her face. "I made it. I actually made the top ten."
The stunned joy on Ethel's face brought tears to Isa's eyes. The older woman drew Isa into a warm hug. "I just knew you could do it. I know I only met you a couple of months ago, but I could sense that you're destined for great things." She pulled back and cupped Isa's face in her weathered hands. "You're going to join the scouts aren't you dear?"
"How did you—"
"Tsk, did you really think I couldn't sense that? You long for freedom, I can tell." She gave Isa a knowing look.
"You're not going to tell me it's a waste of time and that I'm a suicidal idiot?"
Ethel ruffled Isa's braided hair. "Of course not dear. Why would I say that when my son was also a member of the Scouts?" A soft smile overtook her features. "I wouldn't disrespect his memory that way."
This was news to Isa. The two had never spoken about their families, all Ethel knew is that Isa's parents were murdered when she was younger.
"…Wait, you said was. Does that mean—"
The older woman's eyes watered. "Yes, he died about ten years ago on an expedition. They were never able to bring back his body."
"I'm so sorry Ethel."
She waved off Isa's apology. "Dear don't fret. All I ask is that you train hard and take care of yourself out there. Now, Isa dear, wait here. I want to go get your gift."
Ethel walked over behind the counter and pulled out two small boxes. She walked back over to Isa and gave one box to Isa, and one to Hange. "I got you one too Hange dear, I thought you girls might like these. Consider them graduation gifts."
Isa opened the box, and inside was a small bottle of what appeared to be some sort of fragrance. She'd seen bottles like this before, lined up across the vanity of that horrid woman's room. She would use it on her body to make herself smell like different things depending on her mood. Popping the lid, she sniffed the contents, and was comforted by the warm scents of chamomile and lavender. Isa looked at Hange and saw she had a similar bottle, but this one had a different design. Must be a different scent then, makes sense.
At a loss for words, Isa pulled the older woman into a fierce hug. She'd never been given a gift before, not one that had meaning. She was forever grateful for the older woman in front of her.
"There, there dear, it's going to be alright. Come now, let's have a little tea and some snacks and celebrate. You girls deserve it after all that training."
The trio spent the next couple of hours enjoying Ethel's company over some freshly brewed tea. Isa begged Ethel to tell her stories about her son, Alex, and Ethel was all too happy to oblige.
All too soon, the girls had to return back to the training grounds so that they could be fresh and ready for the choosing ceremony tomorrow. Each girl received a large tin of tea, each one enough for two or three months, and a fierce hug from Ethel.
With tears in her eyes, Ethel gave Isa and Hange some final parting words. "You girls are good friends. Cherish that, cherish every moment. Take care of each other. And please, write and come visit when you can. I'm always here for you two."
Isa gave Ethel a final hug and a watery Thank you. And with that, the two girls made their way back arriving just in time for dinner, before collapsing into bed for a long-needed sleep.
The next morning the cadets were eager for the choosing ceremony. The air was filled with anticipation and excitement again. The ceremony wouldn't be until later that day, so the cadets were given free time to do with as they wished.
Isa and her three friends had decided to ride their horses out to a clearing in the forest they'd found back during training. They had stolen some potatoes and bread from the kitchen so they could snack while enjoying their free time.
The girls were currently laying side by side on the ground, horses grazing lazily behind them, as they watched clouds pass above them. They were reminiscing about their time in training, and Isa was surprised at just how many good memories she had. She'd entered training completely expecting to be alone, no friends, solely focused on training and training alone. But she'd somehow managed to find three people she considered to be close friends, even sisters to her. Even though she didn't know if they saw her the same way, that didn't change how she saw the three girls.
Isa's favorite memory was when they'd been sent on their overnight exercise in the woods. The four girls had watched the stars above in this very spot, listening to Hange's stories about the different shapes of the stars. Lucy and Sherri's favorite story had been the more romantic one, which had received heartfelt sighs from the two girls. Isa's favorite had been one that warned against being boastful and prideful. Hange had loved the story that cautioned against betrayal.
Isa had found that all these stories sounded more like cautionary tales that you would tell children so that they would behave, lest they be banished to the night sky for all eternity. Even still, they were interesting to hear.
As the day wore on, Isa could feel her mood change. It was strange, she was happy to be with her friends, happy that training was over, but there was a morose, forlorn feeling that threatened to overtake her joy. Isa didn't know when they'd be able to see each other again. After tomorrow, the four girls would part ways, and they'd be busy with the next phase of their lives.
Again, those nagging thoughts plagued her mind, tearing her down piece by piece.
What if they don't want to stay in touch? I mean, I feel like we've been friends during training, but what if that was only for training. What if that was only to pass the time? I'm easily forgotten so what if they forget all our times we shared together, and I never hear from them again. Who am I kidding…they'll probably stay in touch with Hange, but not me…why would they want to stay in touch with me?
She sat up. "We should probably head back now, the choosing ceremony will start soon." She tried to keep her voice neutral to hide any of the inner turmoil happening inside her at that moment.
Hange, who was now well-versed in all that is Isa, took note of her friend's tone. "Isa, are you alright?"
"Of course, why wouldn't I be alright?" Isa's voice was a little sharper than she'd intended.
Isa missed the shared look between Hange and the other two girls.
"Isa, you know you can talk to us, right? We're your friends, we're here for you and each other."
Isa didn't know how to express the sorrow bubbling inside her. Chewing on her lip, she wondered what she should say. "Just…promise me something."
The other girls nodded in agreement, three pairs of eyes watching the girl in front of them.
Terrified of rejection, she kept her eyes on the ground. She struggled to keep the tears out of her voice as she said, "Promise me that we'll stay in touch. We can write to each other, and…" She had to pause to take a breath when her voice trembled, "…maybe there will be times where we can all get together again."
The three girls looked at each other and then simultaneously drew Isa into a giant hug.
"Of course, Isa, we wouldn't have it any other way. We all want the same." Sherri's warm words comforted Isa, easing the nagging fears.
Finally, the moment everyone had been waiting for. The choosing ceremony. All the cadets gathered around the stage on the training grounds as they had the day before, only this time, instead of the instructors, the commanders of each regiment were present.
Isa took in the commanders as they stood in front of all the cadets. There was the Military Police commander. A tall man with dark hair and a goatee, he wore a red bolo tie. Isa thought that he looked the least intimidating of the three. Whether or not that had to do with her bias against the Military Police, she did not know, nor did she care.
The next commander was the commander of the Garrison. He was a serious looking man, though Isa thought that he had kind eyes with a bald head, and a thick mustache. She'd heard about this commander, and from what she'd heard, he was a relatively respectable man. If she weren't so committed to joining the Scouts, Isa would be willing to join the Garrison.
Finally, Isa took in the only commander she cared about. The commander of the Scouts. This man had intimidating eyes and thinning hair. He sported a thick goatee and was the only commander who had another person standing beside him. This man was tall, with blond hair, and piercing blue eyes that surveyed everything. She didn't think there was a detail this man missed. The thing that stood out to Isa the most, were his eyebrows. She didn't think she'd ever seen a man with such thick eyebrows. Both men were brown jackets with the wings of freedom. Isa's heart leapt in excitement at how close she was to owning her own jacket with the wings of freedom.
She idly listened to the first two commanders speak about how it's an honor to join their regiment, and how each one contributes to the safety and well-being of Humanity, though she didn't retain anything that was said. She didn't care what they had to say. Nothing in their speeches would sway her or change her mind.
Finally, the Scouts Commander, Keith Shadis, began speaking. He spoke of the Scouts' mission, which was to learn where the titans come from. He, unlike the other commanders, spoke of the dangers of joining the Scouts. Isa could appreciate that he wanted to make sure that anyone joining, knew that there was the risk that they'd die in the first expedition, though she also thought that was a rather obvious fact. He even went as far as to say that being skilled or being a veteran didn't make a soldier safe. He'd seen strong veterans die from making an error, a miscalculation. All it takes is one wrong move and that's it.
Even with the ominous tone of Commander Shadis' speech, Isa was as resolved as ever to join.
After all the speeches had concluded, the head instructor took the stage.
"First we'll call up the recruits for the Garrison. Those of you wishing to join the Garrison, please follow Commander Pixis."
The majority of the cadets followed the Garrison Commander off the grounds to the wagons with the Garrison symbol, two roses. They would now be making their way to the Garrison base for assignment.
"Next we'll call up those of the top ten who will be joining the Military Police. Please follow Commander Dok."
Isa wanted to see her two friends one last time. She craned her neck to find them, and when she did, she was surprised to see that they weren't following the Commander. They gave her sheepish smiles.
What are they doing? Why aren't they following the Military Police Commander? If they don't follow now, then that means…
"The remaining cadets, congratulations, you've joined the Scouts. Commander Shadis would like to have some final words before taking you to your horses, where you'll make way to the Scouts' base."
Isa was in shock. Her two friends, the ones who'd been so adamant about joining the Military Police, were joining the Scouts? Isa could not fathom why they would make such a strong change in decision. She couldn't ask them just yet, she would have to wait until they were on their way to the Scouts' base.
I can't believe they didn't join the Military Police. This is insane. They know they could die right?…I don't want them to die. What if I can't protect them?
Isa had to force herself out of her mind to pay attention to Commander Shadis' speech, saluting her new commander as the rest of comrades did the same.
"Cadets, today you join the Scouts in our mission to expand our territory outward. I say again, the vast majority of you will most likely not make it past the first expedition." He paused to let that sink in. "The few who were in the top ten and decided to join, don't assume you're in the clear. Veteran scouts far more skilled than you have perished at the hands of titans. That being said, your imminent deaths will not be in vain. Once we arrive on base, we will have about a month before we head out on our first expedition. You will be assigned to squads based on your abilities and skill levels, which we will be assessing over the next couple of weeks. If you will follow myself and Squad Leader Erwin, we will begin our trek to headquarters."
The cadets that were left, maybe around twenty or so, followed the Commander and Squad Leader over to the horses. Isa could barely contain her excitement when she saw Luna saddled up and ready to go, though her excitement was muddled by the fear lingering in her mind as she thought of her friends. Everyone mounted their horses, and began the trek away from the training grounds, and to the Scouts' base.
Isa nudged Luna beside Lucy, Sherri, and Hange. "You guys, what…why…"
Lucy gave Isa a sheepish grin. "For a long time we thought hard about your reasons behind joining the Scouts, and we realized that you were right. The things you said, we'd never thought about, and your reasons for joining the Scouts made more sense than our reason for joining the Military Police. So we decided we wanted to join the Scouts. We…we want to make a difference."
"Even though you guys may die? You've thought about that right?" Isa didn't mean to be so blunt, so harsh, but her fear for her friends' lives was bubbling up. She had mentally prepared herself for years about the risk that she and Hange were taking. But this was so sudden, so out of the ordinary. She hadn't expected her words to weigh so heavily on her friends, to the point where they'd actually change their minds.
If…if something happens to them…it'll be my fault.
Sherri tried to reassure her friend. "Isa, we thought this through, for quite a while actually. We promise, this is what we want."
"Why didn't you guys say something earlier? When I asked to stay in touch?" Her voice grew testier with each word.
Sherri shrank at the harsh tone. "We wanted it to be a surprise and…we thought you'd talk us out of it."
"Damn right I would have tried to talk you out of this. I know what I'm getting into. Hange knows." Isa was angry now. She knew she was being irrational, but frankly, she didn't care. "Dammit guys, you could be safe in the interior right now."
Now Lucy was pissed. Her brows furrowed at Isa's comment, and her voice chilled the air around them as she spoke. "A little hypocritical don't you think Isa? When we said that to you, you went off about how terrible it is in the interior."
"Well I—"
"No. This was our choice. We're not going to regret it. Whatever you're afraid of, stop. It's going to be ok. Even if we die, it'll be fine, because we died fighting for something bigger than all of us. So stop with the bullshit."
Isa huffed, and faced forward.
Sherri, the calmer one between her and Lucy, spoke up again. "Isa, we know you're worried, and we...we understand. We're going to do our best to survive. We just realized we wanted to be part of something bigger than me, or Lucy, or our families."
"Sherri what about your dad? I thought he forbade—"
"My dad has no say in the matter. This is my choice. Lucy helped me to come to this decision, and…it's what I want." The brief hesitation went unnoticed to the others.
Isa's shoulders dropped at Sherri's words. "I…I know…and I understand. I just…" She didn't know how to express the fear chilling the blood in her veins, at how worried she was about them, that she was afraid that they would die, and it would be her fault.
Lucy gave her friend a small smile. "Isa, we understand. We've spent the last three years with you. We know. It's going to be okay."
Isa was forever grateful for her three friends who understood how she felt, even when she herself didn't.
Hange, ever the one to try to break the tension. "Come on guys, just think, now we get to be together in the Scouts. Think of all the trouble and fun we're going to have."
Hange's energy, as always, was contagious, and Isa giggled. "We're going to drive our superiors crazy."
Even Lucy smiled at that. "Batshit crazy."
And just like that, the four girls had moved on. Isa was still worried about the safety of her friends, but she knew there was nothing she could do about it now. Smiling with her friends, she made a promise to herself.
I will do everything I can to protect you guys. I promise.