The ride to Shiganshina was shorter than Isa'd expected, though she suspected that was more because of the nerves and anticipation. For some reason those feelings always made the time pass faster. That and Hange's non-stop chatter about the types of titans she hoped to see.

Isa shook her head in amusement at her friend.

Only Hange would actually hope to see a titan while out there.

All too soon the scouts had arrived at the gates of Shiganshina. The sun was high in the sky indicating midday.

As the Scouts made their way through Shiganshina, a crowd of people formed alongside the streets. Isa saw their faces wore a variety of expressions.

Anger. Admiration. Fear. Hope.

She knew that a large majority of the people behind the walls thought the Scouts were wasting their time and their money. She'd heard it enough behind the walls in Mitras. She'd experienced it herself yesterday in Trost.

Right now, in this moment, so close to the gates, she didn't care.

She was torn in different directions by the various emotions swirling through her, unable to decipher them. Her blood rushed with excitement, sending tingles across her skin, yet inside her stomach, was a thick ball of dread that had settled in a knot, weighing her down.

Isa's stomach clenched further as she tried not to imagine all the things that could go wrong outside the walls. Images of her friends torn apart by titans kept flying through her mind. Torn to pieces to the point where she wouldn't know what part belonged to which of her beloved friends. Lifeless eyes staring up at her, like the way her parents' eyes did when they were murdered.

She knew death was inevitable. Everyone died. There was no way to escape it. But there's a difference between dying a peaceful death of old age safe and warm in your bed, and dying a violent death of being torn apart, chewed up, only to be spit back up in a clump of body parts.

That was what had horrified her the most to learn during training. Titans don't even eat humans for survival. They don't need humans. They do it for no reason at all, other than something instinctual.

They did nothing but kill.

Isa wasn't a stranger to death. No, her parents had died when she was young, and then all her life, she'd seen death. That had just been her first experience with death. It had been a harsh lesson, but the universe had shoved it at her with no remorse, no afterthought.

She'd seen death in the interior, by the bored nobles who had nothing better to do with their time, killing off those who wronged them, killing for sport, for fun. And the Military Police who looked the other way in exchange for a satchel full of coins.

She saw it anytime she ate meat. Humans killed animals for food. But that was different. Humans needed food to survive.

She'd seen it when she was outside in the garden of the house she grew up in. Smaller bugs were consumed by larger bugs, which were consumed by spiders or birds. Birds consumed by the alley cats, and so on. Death was everywhere. No matter where she went. Where she looked. But the difference between that death, is that death had meaning. It meant survival for the next being.

Isa wanted nothing more than for her inevitable death to have meaning. She wanted to go out knowing that her death meant something. That it meant survival for the person behind her. She knew it was naïve to think this, but that was one of her biggest reasons for joining the Scouts, aside from thirsting for freedom. She figured that at least in the Scouts, if she were to die, her death would have helped move forward the fight for Humanity.

Better to die by titans as a choice, fighting for something bigger than herself, than as prey waiting around to die.

Besides, like she'd told the man yesterday, she found it foolish of people to expect the walls to last forever. She's seen buildings decay and fall in less time than the walls have been standing. Did they think the walls would last forever? Something was bound to happen. She'd rather go out fighting with the Scouts than wait inside the walls for the titans to break through and devour her.

She'd go out by her choice. And her choice was the Scouts.

Resolve found again helped to dissipate the gnawing fear for the well-being of her friends, to a dull ache that was more manageable, more easily pushed aside for the time-being. She had to trust in her friends and their abilities. She knew she would still blame herself for their deaths should they perish in this expedition, but this was still their choice.

Who's to say they hadn't decided they wanted their death to have meaning? Who was she to get angry at them for doing exactly what she's doing?

A determined look overtook Isa's face, just in time for the Commander to announce the commencement of this expedition as the gates ahead rose with resounding clanks, the gears whirring as they lifted the one last barrier to freedom. In succession with her fellow scouts, she raised her blades in the air with a warrior yell, and nudged Luna forward.

That determination and resolve filled her as she rode through the gates for the first time. A grin took over her face as she relished in the feeling of finally being outside. In finally being completely free.

She didn't know if it was her imagination, but the sky looked bluer, the sun brighter, the air cleaner, fresher. As Luna moved beneath her, she took in her surroundings, the endlessness of the land surrounding her. No matter where she looked ahead, there was nothing but land in front of her.

The wind whipped across her, caressing her, welcoming her to outside the walls.

She should feel small, knowing just how far everything stretches out. Instead, she was filled with a sense of finally belonging. Of finally having a place.

The idea of not knowing what awaited them should have terrified her. Instead, she felt elated.

A harsh voice drew Isa out of her appreciation of the surrounding area. "Hey! Pay attention or you'll be the first to die."

She glared at Sairam. "Says the person who can't even work in a team with his comrades."

"You fucking—"

"Hey! Fucking focus!" Flagon's voice cut through whatever insult Sairam was going to send her way.

The various squads had spread out to keep from being right on top of one another, as well as to allow for more ground to be covered. Flagon's squad's position was outer right center. Not quite the most dangerous position, such as the elite squads in the front, but risky nonetheless.

The goal of this expedition was to bring more supplies to a supply base the scouts had set up about twenty miles outside the walls. The supply wagons were towards the center, in a safer section of the formation. The outer squads were meant to protect the inner sections from any titans that appeared.

Isa worried about Hange and Sherri in Erwin's squad towards the front, but she had to shove those worries to the side, remembering her resolve from earlier.

Trust them, and trust their squad. Squad Leader Erwin is one of the best. They're safest with him, even in the most dangerous position.

"Titan spotted!"

Isa's head whipped to her right at Flagon's voice. There a titan was approaching, the thumps of its footsteps growing louder as it got closer. It looked to be a ten meter.

"Isa, Sofia, engage!"

"Yes sir!"

And the two girls were off. As they approached, Isa was overwhelmed at the sheer size of the being in front of her. Gulping, she struggled to push the fear out of the way, to the back of her mind where it belonged.

Sofia called out. "Isa, I'll go for the heels. You go for the nape."

"Got it!" Isa nudged Luna to approach from a wide angle to give Sofia the time needed to slice the titan's heel.

Just like we've practiced.

Sofia made quick work of the titan's heels, and with a resounding thud that echoed across the land, it fell on the ground. She guided Luna to approach the titan from behind, away from the grasping arms. When she was within striking distance, she shot her grappling hook to latch onto the titan's shoulder. With a burst of speed, she drew herself onto its back, and in a fluid motion, she sliced the nape of the titan, hot blood spraying all over Isa, that quickly began to steam.

In the distance Isa could hear Lucy cheering. She chuckled to herself at her friend's enthusiastic response.

Without even having to call her, Luna galloped her way to pick up Isa. In a smooth motion she'd practiced numerous times, Isa jumped onto her back, and they made their way back to the formaiton.

I did it, my first assist. My first titan kill.

As she guided Luna to rejoin the formation, she realized that perhaps this method of downing titans wasn't always the best. They were out in the middle of a large patch of land, with no trees in sight. Downing the titan on the ground would work better when the scouts had trees they could latch onto and not have to spend too much time directly on the back of the titan.

Something to mention to Sofia once they'd returned. Perhaps the veteran scout could provide a bit more insight on this.

They continued on, making their way to the supply base. She looked over at Lucy riding beside her who met her gaze. They grinned at each other, both, once again, relishing at the thrill of being outside the walls.

The remainder of the ride to the supply base was uneventful. Isa was unsure whether she considered this to be good news or bad news.

The calm before the storm. That's always the worst part. That feeling that something is going to happen.

If the other scouts were concerned at the quiet ride, they didn't show it. And Isa knew better than to question it. To question the quiet would almost be like begging for something to happen.

Isa took in the supply base as they approached. It was a small building that had most likely been built by earlier scouts in previous expeditions. There were pens set up as makeshift stables for the horses surrounding the main building.

They would stay the night here at the supply base, to give the horses time to recover. The horses used by the scouts were bred and trained for speed and endurance, but even the mightiest of horses needed rest. Isa hopped off Luna and led her over to one of the empty pens. She switched out the bridle for the halter, tying the lead off around the post of the pen to keep Luna stable while she removed the rest of her tack.

The horses were accustomed to keeping their tack on, but Isa knew Luna would be more comfortable if she untacked her.

Besides, in an emergency, Isa could simply ride bareback. She'd practiced this with Luna, and both were relatively comfortable with it.

She made quick work of removing the saddle and saddle pads. The small pack holding her own personal supplies like food, water, and her bedroll was placed neatly on the ground. She brushed Luna down to once again, remove any traces of sweat, and then covered the mare's back with a blanket she'd brought with her.

Once she was settled, she made her way to the supply wagons for some hay and more water, and carted it back to Luna, making sure she was fed and cared for before she took care of herself or sought out her friends.

Our bond is no good if I don't take care of Luna. She took care of me on the way here. Now it's my turn to take care of her.

Once Luna was comfortable with plenty of hay and water, she gave her a final pat on her muzzle, grabbed her pack, and then set out to find her friends. She hadn't seen Sherri and Hange since they left the walls, and worry was clenching her stomach again.

She finally found them sitting up against one of the walls of the main building, and relief flooded her.

Still alive.

Lucy was there as well, and Isa joined them. Plopping down beside Lucy she gave her friends a grin.

"We made it."

Sherri gave an excited squeal. "That we did. Hange here even killed her first titan!"

Lucy gasped. "No way so did Isa!"

"Well it was only an assist."

"You still killed a titan Isa."

"Yea but—"

Lucy wagged her finger at Isa. "Nope no buts. You dealt the final blow and that's all that matters in my book."

Isa looked over at Hange and noted that her friend was uncharacteristically quiet. She took in Hange's furrowed brow and frown. "Wait, Hange, why do you look so upset?"

Hange avoided Isa's gaze.

"Hange?"

Hange gave an exasperated groan. "Because I wish we could have tried to capture the titan instead of killing it." She crossed her arms as her shoulders slumped in defeat.

All three girls looked at Hange as if she'd sprouted wings and started to fly.

Sherri was watching her friend with wide eyes. "Capture? Hange are you insane?"

Hange gave a wry chuckle. "Sometimes."

"Hange, why would you even want to capture one of those things?" Lucy's incredulous voice had risen to a high pitch, in disbelief at her friend's desire to capture one of the things that could kill them.

"It was a little one, and I think if we were able to catch one, we might be able to work more towards actually understanding them. Think about it, how are we really going to learn more by just killing them. Once they're dead they just evaporate away, nothing left behind."

"Makes sense."

Now it was Isa's turn to be the subject of the questioning looks of her friends.

Hange sat up and gave Isa a hopeful smile. "So you don't think I'm insane?"

"Oh no, you're absolutely insane."

Hange stuck her tongue out at Isa.

"But I can't deny that what you say makes sense, so I guess that makes me insane too."

Lucy and Sherri were still having trouble believing what they were hearing.

Lucy blinked at Isa and Hange. "I feel like I don't know who you guys are anymore."

They spent the rest of the evening enjoying the freedom that came with being outside the walls. Still, their senses remained on high alert. There was always the ever-looming sense of pending doom that threatened to overtake the excitement.

Eventually, they had to turn in. They would need to be rested in the morning for the trek back to the walls. They spread their bedrolls on the ground, as they lay on the ground watching the stars, grateful that new recruits didn't carry the burden of carrying night watch. That was left for veterans and superiors, who would need to alternate shifts throughout the night.

Surrounded by the warm, slumberous breaths of her friends, Isa soon fell asleep.

"TITANS SPOTTED!"

The scream of one of the watchers jolted Isa out of her sleep. Disoriented she looked around at the chaos around her. Scouts were running around, trying to gather their supplies and horses, arming themselves again with their ODM gear.

Isa looked around her, seeing her friends were just as confused as she was. And that's when she saw them. Out in the distance. A horde of titans heading their way, and gaining fast. A blue flare shot across the sky. Retreat. The horde was too big to fight. The scouts needed to escape, and they needed to escape now.

Bolting up, the four girls made quick work of equipping themselves with their discarded gear. The bedrolls were left on the ground. No time to bother rolling them up. Sack in hand, Isa sprinted to Luna.

There was no time to saddle her horse up. She only had time to quickly switch out the halter for the bridle. Luna, sensing the danger, gave no trouble in taking the bit this time. Grabbing the reins, she jumped onto Luna's back, who jumped over the pen walls, clearing it with ease. She guided Luna towards the other scouts who were retreating, attempting to locate her squad.

In the time it had taken her to get to Luna, the titans had made it to where they were stationed, and now were attempting to grab any scout in sight.

As Isa searched for her squad, her head turned to the right, and her heart dropped as a pit in her stomach, blood freezing in her veins.

A fifteen-meter titan was hovering above a panicked Lucy, who was frenzied as she tried to release her hooks so she could latch onto the titan, but the triggers were malfunctioning, leaving Lucy helpless on the ground. The titan had gotten to her before she could get to her horse. Her helpless pleas reached Isa, and sent shivers of fear racing up and down her body.

Before Isa could react, the titan swiped at Lucy with its hands, her upper body and arms now wrapped in its tight grasp. She was desperately trying to loosen her arms so she could cut her way out of its hands, but its hold was iron tight.

No!

Without hesitating, she turned Luna to gallop in the direction of the monster trying to kill her friend. One of the few people that brought her some meaning in her pathetic life.

Guilt trickled in behind the fear as she pushed Luna faster than she'd ever pushed her before.

She didn't feel the tears falling down her cheeks.

I have to get there in time. I just have to.

The titan was raising its arms to its mouth.

Isa begged for more speed from Luna.

Lucy's screams rang through the air, through Isa's mind, forever implanted.

Jumping off Luna, Isa's grapple whizzed through the air, latching onto the titan's neck. She was using too much gas, but she didn't care, she sped through the air, in a desperate attempt to cut the nape before the titan could bite down on her best friend.

Almost there. Almost there.

"Hang on Lucy!"

Halfway to the titan's neck, the titan had brought Lucy into its mouth feet first, biting down onto her stomach. Blood began to run down the titan's hand.

Lucy's screams turned to groans and cries of pure agony.

Isa sliced through the titan's neck, with more force than she'd ever used in her entire life.

The titan landed on the ground with a harsh thud.

Isa raced over to its mouth, where Lucy was still wedged in between its teeth.

"Lucy, hang on, I'm going to open its mouth so you can get out."

Coughing up blood, Lucy spoke in a weak voice, so quiet you could barely hear it. "Isa go. There's no time. I'm dead anyways. I'm going to bleed out. You can't save me."

Tears ran down Isa's face. "No! I can't leave you." Sobbing, she tried to wipe off the blood from Lucy's face.

No no no. This isn't happening. I can save her. I just have to get her out of the titan. If I get her out of the titan, she'll be okay.

Desperate, she shoved her blade in between the titan's teeth, using it to try to pry its mouth open.

"Isa stop being so stubborn." Lucy's ragged breaths had Isa whimpering. "Isa." Lucy coughed. "Don't blame yourself."

A voice behind her ordered. "Recruit, we have to go now."

"I can't leave her." Her voice trembled.

"It's an order. Let's go now."

Turning, she faced her squad leader, who was sitting on his horse.

Knowing she had no choice, as titans surrounded the supply base, the screams of scouts filling the air, they were out of time. She turned to give her friend a sorrowful look, "I'm sorry Lucy."

But her friend had already stopped breathing, a peaceful look on her face now. She took the time to gently close her friend's eyes, and then turned to Luna who was standing beside Isa, waiting patiently. She jumped on, and followed her squad leader to the formation, as the remaining scouts retreated, leaving behind the remains of their fallen comrades, their loved ones, now only but a memory.

This is all my fault.

During the ride back to Shiganshina, they came across a few of titans, but nothing like the horde they'd escaped from. Flagon sent Derek and Sairam to handle the ones that came on their side.

She was grateful he didn't try to send her, she didn't think she had the strength to fight another titan.

Isa could only think about Lucy. Her face. Her smile. Her snarky comments. How she'd never be able to see her again. To talk to her again.

What were even my last words to her before today? What about Hange and Sherri? Did they make it out? They would be towards the front with Erwin. I can't see them from here. What if they didn't make it? What if it's just me again? Do they know? How do I tell them? How do I tell them that I could have saved her, but I was too slow…too weak…too pathetic? How do I face Sherri now? She knew Lucy the longest.

It was ironic for Isa how the ride back felt agonizingly long, as if they were traveling triple the distance they'd originally gone. All she wanted was to get back to base, put Luna in her stall, and collapse into her bed, and just stay there and never come out again.

After what felt like an eternity, the Scouts returned to the gates of Shiganshina. Isa would have thought she wouldn't be able to feel anything else amongst all the emotions, yet another one joined the mix, one that jangled the pit in her stomach, and she had to hold back the urge to vomit.

I've always heard the negative words that the people have whenever the scouts return. And now I'm going to be included in the mix. I'm a failure, and they know it. They know I was too weak to make a difference.

The scouts rode through the gates and began making their way through the city, as insults were hurled at them.

Look at them, what a waste of our hard-earned money.

Do they ever make any progress?

Why do they even bother? They always end up coming back with less people than they left with. They can't even protect their own, yet they claim they work to protect humanity.

Pathetic.

Some had the nerve to even throw food, angering Isa, but not enough to break through her despair. Just another emotion to fight for dominance amongst the ones already swirling in her.

But one voice managed to break through Isa's fog.

Look! It's the scouts! Look! It's really them! Come on, let's get closer to them! I want to see! Come on guys!

Isa turned her head, and a boy with wide, shining green eyes and a dark mop of hair, watched the scouts with pure, innocent, excitement. Beside him a raven-haired girl wearing a red scarf whispered in his ear.

"Not now! I want to watch the scouts!"

A third child beside him, also watched the scouts as they rode by, but his blue eyes were filled with curiosity and calculation. As if he were digesting everything in front of him and storing it away for later use.

The three children gave Isa something she hadn't felt in a long time. Pure hope. Hope for the future. Amidst the chaos, amidst the anger, amidst the death and despair, there were still those who looked up to the scouts, both child and adult alike. That hope washed over Isa, temporarily drowning out the pain, sorrow, agony, anger, fear, that plagued her. She gave the trio a small smile and a wave, and a small, amused chuckle escaped her as she watched the green-eyed boy's eyes grew even wider.

The boy's excited chatter faded as Isa faced forward again and moved further through Shiganshina. "Did you see that! That scout waved at us!"

As they moved forward through Shiganshina, something in one of the shops caught Isa's eyes. Nudging Luna to the side of the street, she hopped off and ran inside. She made her purchase using some of the money she'd stolen from her caretakers when she'd escaped, and quickly made it back into the formation without anyone noticing she'd left.

They finally made it back to the base, and the scouts were dismissed for the day. Tomorrow there would be no training. The day before departure, Squad Leader Flagon had explained that the day after an expedition is the day the scouts can honor their fallen comrades. Each lost scout received a gravestone in their cemetery, regardless of whether or not their bodies were brought back.

Most scouts opted to bury treasured items of their fallen comrades in place of their abandoned bodies.

Isa's movements were out of habit, as the dark cloud overhanging her head threatened to consume her.

She made quick, meticulous work of caring for Luna. The routine was enough to guide her movements. When she was cleaned with a blanket on her back, troughs full of fresh hay and water, Isa gave Luna a warm hug around her neck.

"Thank you for taking care of me Luna."

The mare seemed to understand Isa's pain, and rested her warm nuzzle on Isa's back, giving a soft huff in an attempt to calm Isa.

Before she could leave, two voices called out behind her.

"Isa! There you are!"

"We've been looking everywhere for you."

Stiffening, she turned to face her friends. Both relief and guilt flooded her as she raced to them and embraced them.

The girls were taken aback at the uncharacteristic show of affection, but returned the hug, nonetheless.

A sob escaped Isa. "I'm so glad you guys are okay."

Hange's shaky voice filled Isa's ears. "We're glad you're okay. We were worried when we couldn't find you, but Flagon said he'd seen you go over to the stables."

"Isa, where's Lucy, have you seen her?"

Isa tensed in their arms, which didn't go unnoticed by Sherri. "Isa…what is it?"

More sobs racked through Isa's body, making it difficult to speak. "Lucy….is….gone."

"WHAT! No. Not possible. You're joking." Sherri gave a nervous laugh. "She's over in one of the stalls isn't she. She's such a jokester. Lucy you can come out now, your sick joke's over."

Isa pulled back from her friends, shaking her head. "She's dead." Her voice was a bit harsher than she'd intended, but she needed to get through to Sherri.

Something snapped in Sherri and she shoved Isa away from her. "What the fuck Isa! What happened?"

Unable to meet her friend's eyes, Isa furiously wiped at the tears on her face as she said in a small voice. "Her gear malfunctioned, and…and she was grabbed by a titan. I tried to get to her, but I didn't make it in time. I was too far away." Her hand rubbed at her arm in shame.

Sherri's glare aimed at Isa was full of hate, despair, grief. "So you're telling me you were there, and you couldn't save her. What, were you debating about whether or not to save her?!" Sherri's voice had taken a harsh tone that none of the girls had ever heard before.

Isa flinched at Sherri's outburst.

"This is your fault. I told Lucy this was a bad idea, but she talked me into it. She's dead, because of you." Sherri's cruel words came out in a forceful growl.

Isa visibly shrank as Sherri's words cut through her.

Hange tried to gently cut in. "Sherri, I think that's a little excessive—"

"No Hange. This is Isa's fault. She's to blame for this."

In a desperate attempt to defend herself, Isa asked, "Who was it who was just telling me that you decided to do this? That you wanted to make a difference?" Her voice trembled.

"People say a lot of things." Gone was the cheerful warmth of Sherri's voice. It had now been taken over by an ice that Isa had never heard from her before. "This is your fault. You're the reason she's dead. If you had never opened your mouth and spewed that bullshit, we would be safe in the Military Police, and Lucy would be alive."

Isa's jaw dropped and her eyes welled again, as her worst fears were being thrown back in her face by one of the few people who, just weeks ago, just yesterday, had reassured her that her fears were irrational. That she'd wanted this. That everything would be okay.

Isa's knees weakened, threatening to collapse on her.

"She was my best friend, and now I'll never see her again. So fuck you Isa." With that, Sherri turned and stormed out of the stables and back to the main building.

Hange drew a stunned Isa into another hug, supporting her friend just as she as about to slump in a heap on the floor. "She didn't mean any of that. She just needs time. Grief hits people differently. Some people need to lash out at something while they process it."

"She's right Hange. It is my fault." Isa's voice was dead, no intonation, matter of fact. The betrayal running through her combined with everything else, threatened to break her.

Hange's voice was desperate as she tried to get her words through Isa's head. "No it's not. You didn't force them to do this, she made the decision. Both of them. If they had truly wanted to join the Military Police, a few words from you wouldn't have made them completely changed their mind."

"But—"

"No buts Isa. This is not your fault. Do not blame yourself." Hange's voice was so commanding, it made Isa think that she'd make a good Squad Leader one day.

"Okay Hange." But in Isa's mind, she couldn't bring herself to believe Hange's words. She was to blame for this.

That night Isa struggled to find sleep. Tossing and turning, her mind kept her awake. Lucy's screams as the titan bit down on her frame haunted her, echoing in her mind. Some of her last word's to Isa kept repeating.

You can't save me.

You can't save me.

You can't save me.

But I wanted to save her. Needed to save her. Why couldn't I have been strong enough, fast enough to save her? Was Sherri right? Did I hesitate? If I had acted seconds earlier would I have been able to save her? Turned my head sooner? But Sherri wasn't there. She didn't see what happened. There's no way she could know right?

Isa was dreading the next morning. It would be more difficult now that Sherri wasn't speaking to her. When she'd joined Hange and Sherri for dinner, Sherri had immediately gotten up from the table and walked away without a word. The chilliness she had left in her wake had settled over Isa, and even hours later, she struggled to find warmth.

Isa barely noticed the hot, silent tears rolling down rolling down her face, too consumed by emotion and memories.

Their conversations from just weeks before, the laughter, kept playing in her mind, taunting her of better times.

You can't even deny it, oh this is perfect. I half wondered if there'd ever be someone you'd find attractive.

Yea but think about how experienced he is. And he looks so serious all the time, you just know he knows how to please a woman in bed.

The incredulous looks she and Hange had received from the two girls the night before.

Capture? Hange are you insane?

Sometimes.

Had that really only been the night before? Had so little time passed? It hadn't even been a full day since Lucy's demise.

Sherri's laugh. It had always been so light. So full of life. In less than twenty-four hours, Isa had lost two friends. She didn't know which was worse, Lucy being gone or Sherri being right there but never wanting to speak to her again.

She'd never had friends before, never had the chance. And she'd managed to screw it up completely. If only she'd been faster, better, stronger, none of this would have happened. This was her fault. She had known from the moment they joined the Scouts, that if Sherri or Lucy died, she would be to blame. Her stupid words were looping with everything else.

Are we ever really safe? Safe from what? Titans or humans?

Humans…it was she…Isa…a human…who caused Lucy's death.

Don't you ever think it's strange how we train, and work hard, and become strong titan killers, so that we can make the top ten and then join the most interior branch of the military?

Why had she said that, why couldn't she have just kept her mouth shut?

Finally, Sherri's last words overtook everything else.

This is Isa's fault. She's to blame for this.

Isa's fault.

She's to blame.

Her fault.

Her failure.

Her screw-up.

Her stupid mouth.

Hugging her pillow close to her, Isa finally drifted off into a fitful sleep.

The next morning was a solemn one. While this scouting mission hadn't resulted in nearly as much death as previous ones, the air was still filled with the reminder of their fallen comrades. Isa saw Lucy everywhere. No matter where she went, she was haunted by her deceased friend.

Isa arrived at the mess hall early, and sat with the usual breakfast of porridge. She looked up in time to see Hange and Sherri walking with trays of food. Hange looked torn between her two friends. Sherri saw Isa watching, and her face hardened.

"Let's go sit over there Hange."

"But…I…"

"Hange!" Isa saw the glare Sherri gave her friend.

Isa gave a small smile to her friend and mouthed, it's okay, go, she needs you. She tried to hide her tears so as not to worry her friend. She didn't want Hange to be in the position where she had to choose, so she'd make the choice for her. Hange gave Isa a sad look, one that said she was already regretting not going to Isa, and then turned to follow Sherri.

Later in the morning, Isa made her way to the Scouts' cemetery. She could see headstones set in mounds of freshly dug dirt.

Any other time, and she'd be surprised by the quick turnaround of having the headstones prepared…but Flagon had told them that the branch made a headstone for all scouts upon joining.

How morbid to think that in some storage closet, there's a headstone that literally has my name on it. It is efficient though. Helps with the grieving I guess, so that no one is waiting around to be able to visit their loved ones grave.

She didn't have to search long for Lucy's headstone. Her heart clenched as she saw her two friends…no…friend…and Sherri, standing by a marking somewhere in the center of the cemetery.

Isa thought about turning around and coming back later when they were gone, but before she could, Sherri turned and saw her.

Sherri glared at Isa when she saw her approaching. "What the fuck are you doing here!" She spat out.

Isa froze in her tracks. "…I—"

Sherri harshly cut her off before Isa could say anything else. "You what? You shouldn't be here. This is for friends of Lucy. So go away!" Sherri's voice was so icy, so full of venom, and it terrified Isa.

Isa's eyes welled with tears of guilt, grief, remorse. She was at a loss for words.

Mouth agape, Hange quickly came to Isa's defense. "Sherri! Isa has just as much of a right to say goodbye to Lucy as we do. She was her friend too!"

Sherri gave a humorless laugh. "Some friend. Couldn't even be bothered to save her. Now she's dead."

Hange glared at Sherri. "Enough Sherri! I know you're grieving, but Isa is too. I am too. Now move out of the way so Isa can say goodbye." The tone of her voice suggested that Hange had about had it with Sherri's behavior.

Without another word, Sherri simply strode away, that same chilliness settling over Isa.

Isa turned away from Hange, instead, facing Lucy's grave.

Hange looked at Isa's turned back, her voice softer now. "Isa, I'm…I'm so sorry. I tried to talk to her, but anytime I mention your name, she just completely shuts off and ignores me."

"It's okay Hange. You don't have to do that on my part. I don't want you to hurt your friendship with Sherri because of me." Isa's voice was steady despite the tears running down her face.

Hange grasped Isa's arms and turned her to face her. "The only person hurting my friendship with Sherri, is Sherri. I'm going to say this again, because you seem to not get it yet." Hange gave Isa a gentle shake. "This. Was. Not. Your. Fault. I will continue to say this, until it gets through that thick skull of yours." Hange emphasized the word skull with a soft, tap to Isa's head.

Broken, and unable to hold back anymore, Isa drew Hange into a fierce hug, sobbing into her friend's shirt. Hange didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around Isa, providing the comfort the Isa had so desperately needed but hadn't known how to ask for.

Isa lost track of how long her friend held her, stroking her hair as she sobbed out her grief. Isa could feel Hange's tears landing on her head, soaking her scalp, as she sobbed with her.

Drained, Isa finally pulled back from Hange, wincing in embarrassment when she saw that wet spot her tears and snot had made on her friend's shirt.

Isa wiped her face clean on the sleeve of her jacket. "Sorry about that."

Hange gave Isa a small smile. "Isa do you really think I care?"

"…I guess you're right."

The two girls laughed lightly, and then turned to face the headstone that marked Lucy's metaphorical resting place.

"Hey Hange, can you…can you give me a minute alone? I want to say goodbye to her…but—"

"It's okay Isa, I understand. If you need me, I'll be right over there." She pointed over towards a tree that was stationed around ten meters away from Lucy's grave.

Isa gave Hange a grateful smile.

Once Hange was out of hearing distance, Isa looked back at Lucy's headstone.

Sighing, she sat down. "Lucy, I'm no good with words, and feelings. You three knew that from the moment you met me. I was always so grateful for how well you guys seemed to understand me." She had to pause as new tears threatened to breakthrough, the lump in her voice making it difficult to speak. "I don't really know how to say everything else I want to say, so I wrote you this letter, and I'm going to bury it here, and I just hope that there's something after death and that you're able to read this."

She dug a small hole in front of the headstone, placed the letter inside, and then gently covered it up with the dirt.

On top of the fresh mound of dirt, Isa lay the flowers she'd bought in Shiganshina. A small bundle of purple, star-shaped flowers that for some reason, had drawn Isa in. She didn't know what they were called, she just thought they felt right.

She rose, and with a sorrowful goodbye, walked over to where Hange waited, and they both made their way back to base.

Dear Lucy,

I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I will have to live with that for the rest of my life.

Lucy, you should know that you were one of my best friends, a sister to me. I don't know if you saw me as a sister, but I saw you as one. I'd never had sisters before, and with you, Sherri, and Hange, I had a real family again. I wish I could have been brave enough to tell you three all of this, but…I don't know how. I'm too afraid. And I never knew if you guys saw me in the same light. So I'm telling you now, as pathetic as it may seem.

I hope you're resting and that wherever you are, you're safe and at peace. You deserve it.

I want to thank you for your years of friendship. The time the four of us had together was the best time of my life. I'll always remember you as the sarcastic but hilarious girl who made fun of me when she found out I was still a virgin.

I wish you were still here. I miss you so much already.

Watch over Sherri. She's suffering, I know she is and…it's my fault.

Rest in peace sister.

Love always,

Isa.

That night Isa entered the barracks, ready to just fall asleep and hope that the dreams would leave her alone. She just wanted an escape from the hollow feeling that engulfed her entire being.

As she walked to her bunk, she saw a piece of paper resting neatly on her pillow.

That's odd…

She picked up the paper and unfolded it. Collapsing onto her bed, Isa's blood froze as she read the note. A shaky hand ran through her hair, trembling, as she took in the words in front of her.

Isa,

I told you that you'd pay. Did you not believe me? Did you forget about me?

How does it feel? How does it feel to be completely and utterly helpless to save your friend as her screams filled the air? Such a shame that her gear…malfunctioned…at the last minute isn't it.

I told you. I told you that you'd beg for something as merciful as death when I'm finished with you.

And I'm far from finished.

Oh, and I wouldn't share these notes with anyone. Wouldn't want something to…accidentally…happen to your precious horse. What was her name again? Luna? Such a pretty mare. I bet her blood looks pretty too. Bet it'd look pretty used as ink for my next letter.

Or Sherri. Oh I can only imagine the hatred in her eyes as she gets ripped apart by titans because you couldn't save her. Another death that would be your fault.

Or Hange. It would be a shame if she were to get ripped apart by those precious titans she adores so much. Her screams would fill the air as she realizes how idiotic she was for idolizing them.

I have to say, Sherri hating you was not planned, but it is such a fun bonus. I had a good, long laugh after watching her yell at you at Lucy's grave.

Until next time bitch.

A/N: I just want to say that I really really liked Lucy's character. I tried to make her this fun, sarcastic, teasing type character, and I hope I did that. And well...that note at the end says it all doesn't it? Someone is not happy at all with Isa.

Also, I looked up flowers and their meaning, and the flowers Isa puts on Lucy's grave are purple hyacinths. Based on what I found, they represent sorrow and regret, which well...is fitting right now.

Anyone else ever have that friend that you trusted and then they do something that just betrays you? That's pretty much Sherri right now, and her reaction to Lucy's death is super harsh, and taking out her grief on Isa is unfair. But people also grieve in different ways, and I'd say right now Sherri is in the anger stage of grieving, and she'll just lash out at Isa, needing someone to blame, and Isa was there for Lucy's death, so it unfortunately makes her fall victim to Sherri's rage. Is it right? Of course not. Do I understand? Yes.

Thanks for reading! :)