Much like Isa's first expedition, when they returned to base, she wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed and sleep. To escape the despair coursing through her. Instead, she was taken to the infirmary to check her ankle where she'd landed on it in the fall. Luckily the nurses determined it wasn't broken, just a minor sprain that would heal in a few weeks. She was released once they'd wrapped it, giving her instructions to keep it elevated as much as possible.

As soon as she walked out of the infirmary, Levi and Hange were on top of her. Apparently, Levi had seen what Derek had done and he'd taken it upon himself to tell Hange. The two of them practically dragged her to Erwin's office to report Derek's actions. He had, unfortunately, survived the expedition.

She tried to refuse, worried about retaliation, but Levi reminded her of his words from the week before, where he'd said that if Derek tried anything again, either he kills him, or they tell someone.

She had the sneaking suspicion that Levi would, without a doubt, kill Derek without hesitation, so she reluctantly agreed, but under the condition that they don't mention his assault attempts. She knew his attack outside the walls would be enough to disband him, and she didn't want to go through the humiliation of having to explain to Erwin the other ways Derek had harassed her.

Once they'd arrived at Erwin's office, Hange wasted no time to start pounding on the door. "Squad Leader, we have something urgent to discuss with you."

Hange didn't cease her knocking until a bemused Erwin opened the door. The first thing Isa noted, was how fierce his presence was, despite how exhausted he looked.

"Yes, Hange. To what do I owe the pleasure." An amused tone was present in his voice. Clearly this was not the first time Hange had banged on his door so energetically.

Hange barged past him, Levi and Isa in tow. "Something happened on the expedition."

Erwin's eyebrows lifted. "A number of things happened, care to be more specific?"

Hange looked at Isa, encouraging her to speak up.

Isa's heart thrummed in her throat as Erwin's piercing blue eyes focused on her. "Isa?"

She started at that. "Y-You know who I am?"

She'd never directly interacted with him before and the last time she'd even been in his presence was when he'd reprimanded his squad members for inappropriate behavior.

"Indeed, I've seen you out in training, and you're a strong soldier. Not to mention that Hange has mentioned you…a few times." The faintest hint of a smile was present on his face.

She was stunned that he'd noticed her during training. She didn't think she was good enough to draw the attention of one of the more respected squad leaders.

His voice was calming, but she wasn't sure where to start.

"Umm…well…I…" She trailed off.

Sensing her nerves, Erwin spoke up. "Why don't you sit Isa, make yourself comfortable? I'll make some tea, and maybe then you'll be able to discuss whatever it was that happened."

Isa nodded gratefully.

She sat in a chair in front of his desk while he grabbed a kettle from the rack above the fireplace. When he handed her a cup of the tea, she took a sip, and it calmed her nerves. As Erwin sat, Levi took a spot against the window beside his desk, and was leaning against it as he sipped his tea.

Isa took note of the…peculiar way he held the cup. She didn't think she'd ever seen someone hold it from the rim that way.

She could only imagine the horror on the woman's face should she see someone drinking tea in such an improper manner. The thought brought a small smile to her face, and was enough to calm the butterflies in her stomach.

Hange had walked over to stand beside her, hand resting lightly on Isa's shoulder providing her with much needed support.

"Alright Isa, now, tell me what happened."

She took a deep breath and relayed what happened from the moment she'd tried to help Furlan, and Derek had held her back, to the end when he sliced the straps of her gear, rendering her completely defenseless.

As she spoke, she kept sneaking glances at Levi, worried that hearing about his friends' deaths again would upset him. He only watched her intently, no indication that her words were bothering him.

For some reason, the piercing gray of his eyes comforted her, despite them being as soul-searing as ever. Something inside her told her, that as long as he was in the room with her, she was safe.

She mentioned that Levi witnessed all of this, and when Erwin turned to him to confirm, Levi only gave a nod in agreement.

Erwin listened to every word Isa said, and she could sense that he was angry. It wasn't an anger she'd seen before. It wasn't visible. There were no signs or indications on his face that he was angry. Yet, she could feel it, boiling beneath the surface, threatening to burst.

Isa thought it was strange, because he looked as calm as ever, but she could sense the simmering rage at the thought that a scout attempted to murder a comrade.

Once she'd finished, Erwin closed his eyes and took a breath, before turning to Levi. "Levi, please go get Derek, and bring him here to me."

Levi nodded, and left the room.

Erwin gave his next command to Hange. "Hange, please go and find Commander Shadis, we're going to need him for what comes next."

"Yes sir." Hange saluted and scurried out.

Isa was a bit taken aback at Levi's willingness to follow Erwin's orders. Just hours before he'd threatened to kill the man, and now he had willingly done what Erwin said.

"Are you alright Isa?" Erwin's voice drew her out of her thoughts.

She gave him a small smile. "As okay as I can be."

"What do you think should be done with Derek?"

What do I want done with him? Honestly nothing…he was so angry out there…I don't even want to imagine what he'd be like if he were punished for his actions.

"I-I'm not sure. I'm worried that if he's punished, he'll retaliate."

"This wasn't the first time he's done something like this, is it?"

"I…no sir."

How did he figure that out? Is it that obvious?

Erwin nodded, eyes calm and revealing nothing to what he was thinking, though Isa could still sense the brewing anger beneath the surface. "I see. Would you like to share? Any additional information can help us determine what needs to be done."

Isa's arms crossed over her body, as if to protect herself from the memory of what he'd done to her. If she thought too much, she could still feel his mouth on her, his hands on her, as she begged him to stop. "I…I don't want to get into the details of what exactly happened those times, but this isn't the first time he's harassed me or gotten…physical with me."

He took note of her words, clearly piecing together the brunt of what had happened. "Alright then. We'll wait for Commander Shadis and Derek to get here and go from there."

"You're angry, aren't you?"

"Indeed." He seemed amused at her observation.

"How…how do you do it? You look as calm as ever."

His lips turned up ever so slightly, yet, she thought he looked…sad. "Years of practice."

It didn't take long before Isa heard shouts and grunts coming from the hall outside Erwin's office.

"Let go of me you filthy bastard. How dare you! Unhand me you swine! What the fuck is your problem?"

It was amusing for Isa to watch the smaller man literally drag Derek into the office. A smug feeling filled her at seeing him get manhandled the way he'd done with her. The feeling only grew when she saw the giant bruise still surrounding his noise. She'd been too distracted on the expedition to notice, though now, she was surprised she'd missed it.

Levi must have punched him really hard.

She watched as Levi shoved Derek into the room, and promptly placed himself between her and Derek.

She didn't miss the hostile look Derek through her way, as if he were furious that she was still alive, effectively erasing any smugness she felt and replacing it with fear as her skin prickled.

"Derek, so glad you could join us. If you just wait, once the Commander has joined us, we'll start." Erwin sounded cheery, completely hiding the reason as to why Derek had been brought here.

"Of course, sir." All pleasantries now, as if he hadn't assaulted Isa twice and tried to kill her.

Derek made to take a seat in the chair beside Isa, but Levi plopped himself down in it before the man could get any closer, resting his ankle comfortably on his knee.

Isa was a little surprised at how out of his way Levi was going to help her.

Soon, Hange entered the room, dragging Commander Shadis into the room.

"I am perfectly capable of walking on my own."

"You were taking too long, this is urgent."

Commander Shadis took note of everyone in the room, and made his way to stand beside Erwin at his desk. "Alright, I'm here, what are we dealing with Erwin?"

Erwin fixed his pale blue eyes on Derek. "It appears, that there was an attempt on a scout's life while we were outside the walls."

Shadis started at that. Eyes wide, he turned his head to look at Erwin. "A what? What do you mean?"

"Isa would you like to explain? Or would you prefer me to?"

She snuck a glance at Derek, who was glaring at her with those same hate-filled eyes as he'd had on the expedition. She recoiled into herself. "M-maybe it would be b-best if you explained Squad Leader."

Erwin quietly observed the hostility coming from Derek and nodded. "Sir, it appears that this scout cut Isa's straps, removing her only means of defense outside the walls, before pushing her into a titan."

Shadis' mouth dropped, not having ever expected to hear those words.

"He what!" Shadis glowered at Derek. "Explain yourself!"

Isa was glad that Shadis' commanding tone wasn't directed to her. Even indirectly, it sent shivers up her spine.

Derek had the gall to look bored. "I have no idea what he's talking about."

Isa gaped at him.

Before anyone could say anything, Erwin cut in. "Derek, we have two accounts of the event. Lying will do you no good."

He shrugged. "If anything, she's just trying to get me kicked out because I rejected her. I've heard she's a bitch like that."

Levi was glaring daggers at Derek. "I saw you with my own eyes, are you calling me a liar?"

"You expect me to believe that a respected member of the scouts is going to take the word of a notorious criminal over someone from a noble family in Mitras."

Isa hadn't expected that.

He's…he's from Mitras? And from a noble family no less? Shit, that isn't good.

"I can assure you, that is exactly what I'm doing. Isa and Levi have no reason to lie. Commander, what do you think?"

"This is ridiculous. Do you see my nose? That thug attacked me."

"Care to go into detail on why I did that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Enough!" The Commander's forceful voice broke through the arguing.

"Derek, I've heard more than enough to convince me." Shadis' stern glare was fixated on Derek. "You have been officially disbanded from the Scouts, effective immediately. You will be escorted to your room to remove your things and then escorted off base. You will be taken to the Military Police where they will further handle this matter, as this falls into their jurisdiction. Most likely they will hold a trial."

As Isa had feared, Derek did not take the news well.

"You can't be serious. You're going to kick me out, because some little Mitras slut—"

"Watch it." Levi growled.

"—and her guard dog made some bullshit claim that I tried to kill her." Derek glared at Levi.

Commander Shadis took it upon himself to escort Derek out of the room, leaving Isa worried that at some point, he may retaliate. He couldn't do anything in the room with Levi, Hange, Shadis, and Erwin there, but she remembered the hatred that had poured from him on the expedition.

The simmering rage and hatred in Derek pulsed out of him, directed at her, sending shivers down her spine.

'You will be mine.'

Once Derek had left the office, Erwin took advantage that Isa and Levi were in the room to inform them of their new squad assignment.

Since Flagon had died on the expedition, Isa and Levi would be placed on Erwin's squad. He'd also lost some subordinates, leaving him with Mike, Hange, Sherri, Uma, and Moblit.

Isa sputtered at that. "B-but sir, are you sure you want me on your squad? I've only been on two expeditions and I've only killed two titans on my own."

Isa wasn't sure why Erwin had placed her on his squad. Surely there were better choices than her? She knew she wasn't an awful scout, but she truly believed she didn't deserve to be on such a prestigious squad.

Erwin sent her an amused look. "I am quite certain Isa. As I said earlier, I've seen you in training, and I'm certain with more intense training, you'll be up to par in no time. Besides, this has been long decided. You would have been moved to my squad after this expedition."

At the mention of more intense training, Isa was thrown back to Lucy, in their first month of training.

'The man is a sadist. He has to be. There's no other explanation for why he'd torture his squad members.'

Wait, he said I was already going to be moved to his squad?

Despite the gravity of everything that had happened in the past couple of days, a small smile appeared on Isa's face. "Alright sir, I appreciate the consideration, and I will do my best to not let you down."

"See that you don't."

Hange needed to stay behind to debrief with her squad leader, so Isa and Levi walked out. Feeling awkward now, Isa looked at him as he turned to walk down the hall.

"Levi wait."

He stopped.

"I…I'm sorry about—"

"Don't."

"Wh-what?"

She found herself slammed up against the wall, breath knocked out of her as she looked up into a pair of dark gray orbs, the blue in them practically erased. Her arms were pinned beside her head.

Her heart slammed into her throat and she was thrown back to all the other times he'd done this to her. Despite this, she wasn't afraid. The emotions coursing through her were the furthest thing from fear. The strongest one she could pick out was nerves at his closeness.

"Don't think that just because Furlan had a thing for you, that just because you helped us a few times, that we're friends. I did this because I made a promise to help you if that pig did anything else, that's it."

She sputtered.

I…I don't know what to say to that. Does he…blame me for their deaths?

Pushing past the anxiety and nerves, her eyes narrowed, sharpened as she glared daggers at him. She raised her chin in defiance. "And I made a promise as well, to both Isabel and Furlan. And I intend to keep it." Her voice matched his in hostility.

That seemed to take him by surprise as she watched his eyes widen ever so slightly, before narrowing even more than before.

She saw something flicker across his face, maybe guilt as if he was realizing something, and he snatched his hands away from her, putting distance between them.

Before he walked away, he said one last thing to her, almost as an afterthought. "If you still want help fighting, let me know."

The sudden change in mood threw her for a loop.

Is he just the type to not want to break a promise? Is that why he brought that up again? I don't know if I want to ask him for help with that right now…

I know I made that promise, and I fully intend to keep it. But I don't know how. He doesn't seem to want me around him. I don't know what to do. Before, I had Isabel and Furlan to help, but now, now it's just me.

She watched as he walked off, at a loss for anything else to say.

A few nights later, she was sitting in Luna's stall, writing in her journal, trying to make sense of Furlan saving her. The question of 'why' played in her mind, over and over again.

A knock on the stall drew her out of her thoughts, and when she turned her head, her eyes boggled as she saw Sherri standing there.

"What do you want?" Isa's voice was wary, not in the mood to be cut down again by Sherri.

"I…I want to talk." Sherri's hands were clutched together, and her shoulders were hunched.

That took Isa aback. She watched Sherri with suspicion as she stepped into the stall and sat down next to her.

What does she possibly want to talk about? She's spent the last several months completely ignoring me, and now all of a sudden, she wants to 'talk'?

What she did next surprised Isa.

Sherri dissolved into tears, as she buried her face in her hands. "Isa. I-I'm so, so sorry. I have been horribleto you, and you didn't deserve that." Her voice was shaky, broken, with the guilt of having treated her friend so cruelly.

Isa gaped.

"When Hange told me what Derek did, and how you almost died, I just. I had to come apologize. I don't deserve forgiveness, and that's not what I'm here for. I just needed to say I'm sorry, because I couldn't live with myself if you died thinking that I meant anything I said." She lifted her head and Isa was astonished to see the regret swimming in them.

She…she's apologizing to me. But…all those months…all those cruel things she said. How does someone say those things and not mean them?

Isa's brows furrowed as she tried to understand. "You…you spent months blaming me for Lucy's death. You treated me horribly." Her voice rose with the frustration and pain she'd felt for months. "Dammit Sherri, you told me you wished I'd died!" Her voice broke at that, her own tears threatening to spill over, but she held them back.

That was what had hurt the most, the fact that Sherri had told her she would have preferred it if Isa had died over Lucy.

"I—I know. I'll never forgive myself for that." Sherri's voice was small, overtaken by grief and guilt.

"Why?"

Sherri looked down at the ground in shame. "I…I didn't actually blame you. I blamed myself. When Lucy came to me during training and told me she wanted to join the Scouts, I told her she was insane. We weren't spending our time working our asses off to make the top ten so we could join this branch. But…she was convinced."

A humorless smile filled Sherri's face at the reminder of her friend's excitement to join the Scouts. "Your words had somehow made something click inside of her, and she realized that she didn't actually want to join the Military Police. Everything you had said made sense to her. So I followed her."

Her mournful eyes met Isa's again. "And when I found out she'd died, I…I snapped. I blamed myself for not having convinced her to join the Military Police, or even the Garrison. And I took that out on you."

Isa was stunned at how broken Sherri looked and sounded.

So she's telling me she didn't mean anything she said? That she doesn't actually blame me? She was angry at herself, so she took it out on me.

Just like Isabel said. Isabel…you had such a way of reading people. I wish I could be like that.

Do I forgive Sherri? I know she said she's not here for forgiveness, which is big of her. Do I want to forgive her?

She's basically saying she's okay with me hating her for the rest of our lives, because she feels that she deserves that.

I know how that is. What she said still hurts, but…I can understand why she did it. It's like Hange said, people grieve in different ways.

Isa took a deep breath. "I forgive you."

Sherri's head snapped up, her sorrowful gaze meeting Isa's eyes. "I don't deserve your forgiveness."

Isa nodded. "I know, but it's not up to you whether or not I forgive you. Believe it or not, I understand."

Sherri broke down again at that, unable to fathom why Isa was so willingly letting the past several months go.

Isa pulled Sherri into her arms, offering her comfort the way her friends had with her, as her friend wailed out her pain and agony.

She was reminded of the way Furlan had held her that night on the expedition, and a pang hit her heart.

I'm never going to know why he sacrificed himself for me.

They sat that way for a while, until Sherri's tears dried, the well of grief having emptied. She gave Isa one last hug and then left. Before leaving, she told Isa that she would make it up to her, in some way.

Isa made her way back to her room, and what she saw on her bed had her heart jumping in her throat.

There, lying on her pillow, was a small slip of paper, folded in half, just like all the rest.

Warily, she unfolded the paper, unsure of what it would say. The only people close to her that had died on this expedition were Furlan and Isabel, and she didn't think there was a way for this person to have caused their death. Isabel died from a miscalculation. Furlan died saving her.

Steeling herself, she sat on her bed, and read the note.

Isa,

I hope you haven't forgotten about me.

Sure, no one died by my hand this time, but that wasn't for lack of trying.

I saw how close you were with those pathetic criminals from the Underground, especially, what were their names? Furlan and Isabel?

Setting our stakes low for the company we seek I see. Then again, you should be grateful for anyone who'd be willing to be friends with the likes of you.

I did my best to mess with their gear, but I apparently set my sights too high. Thieves and criminals know how to keep an eye on their stuff, and there was never a good time to deal with it.

No matter, they ended up dying anyways, so still a win for me.

I'll have to step up my game for next time.

Isa sat on her bed. The realization that this person had survived another expedition was horrifying. She didn't know who it was, who it could be. It was at least narrowed down to those people from her training class that had also joined the Scouts. But that list was too long, and she didn't know who was left.

Besides, for all she knew, it could be a relative of someone who hadn't made the top ten, and they were acting as a scout to throw her off.

Unsure of what to do, she put this note with the rest in her nightstand.

The next day, Isa went to go visit the cemetery, wanting to visit Furlan and Isabel's graves.

She went early in the morning, in the hopes that she would be alone, and thankfully, she was.

She sat down between their graves, grateful that whoever had placed them, had set them together.

"Hi guys, I…as you both know, I'm not the best with words. So I'm going to do what I did with Lucy when she died."

She dug two small holes in front of their headstones, and gently placed the two letters she'd written them, covering them back up.

...

Furlan,

I want you to know that I cared for you, so much. It wasn't in the way that you wanted, and I'm so sorry for that. Though, I know if you were here, you'd tell me to stop apologizing. But I can't help it. You have no idea how long I'd wished for someone to want me in the way you did, and life decided to be cruel and unfair to me, giving me what I wanted, but then make it to where I didn't feel the same.

I miss you. The list of people I'm losing is growing, and it scares me.

I never got to thank you for saving me. I'll never know why you did that, but I am grateful and forever in your debt.

I hope that wherever you are, you're happy and at peace. You deserve that after what I know wasn't an easy life. You were such a kind person, and you deserved all the best things that life had to offer.

Love,

Isa

...

Isabel,

I didn't know you for long, and yet, it felt as if we'd been friends for years. You were so good at reading people, at reading me. You were right about Sherri. She came to apologize to me the other day. And I forgave her.

I feel like I probably shouldn't have, but I know what it's like to blame yourself, that consuming guilt, and I didn't want to add to that. We've all been through enough.

I miss your energy, your spunky nature. Despite where you came from, you were so open to people. How? How were you so free and capable to express yourself the way you did?

I hope that wherever you are, you're free. You didn't deserve such a cruel fate, and I only hope that you're somewhere better now.

Love

Isa

Then she sat, head buried in her knees, and wept, shudders wracking her body as silent tears fell down her face.

I miss them so much already and it's only been a day. How am I supposed to keep going when I keep losing people? Would it be better if I just didn't get close to people?

'You're strong, I know you are.'

Furlan, I don't know what you saw, but I don't feel like a fighter right now. I feel like I'm just going to collapse from the pain. How am I supposed to go on?

I didn't even know you guys nearly as long as Levi. How am I supposed to help him? I know I promised you both that I wouldn't abandon him, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

The next few days were hard on Isa. She missed her two friends immensely. Isabel's easy-going and energetic nature had always made her smile. And she was gone now.

And Furlan. She couldn't help but miss his quiet calm. She still didn't understand why he'd saved her, sacrificing himself in the process.

She wished she could have given him more that night, that she could have returned whatever it was he felt for her.

'Whatever way you need, I'm here for you.'

She refused to blame herself for their deaths, even if the occasional wondering thought poked through. She wasn't going to let herself go down that route again.

She hoped they were free and happy, in whatever place lay after death.

She wasn't the only one suffering, Isa knew this. If Isa was struggling, she could only imagine how Levi felt. She'd only known them for a few months. Those two were his family, his only family, and they'd been together for so long. He'd become even more reclusive than he had before. She wanted him to know that she was there for him, that he didn't have to suffer alone, but she didn't know how to break through. They'd only just moved towards somewhat friendlier terms before the expedition, so she didn't expect him to seek her out for comfort. And now it felt as if she were back at the beginning.

She remembered how angry Levi was after killing that titan. She remembered how he'd attacked Squad Leader Erwin and confessed to the real reason he was here in the Scouts.

When she'd tried to talk to him after their meeting with Erwin, he'd been so hostile. But then at the same time, he'd told her to let him know if she still wanted his help with fighting, which confused her to no end. How does a person go from being angry to offering help within practically the same breath?

She wasn't entirely sure why she wanted to help him so badly. It was more than just the promise she'd made to Isabel and Furlan. His terse and gruff nature wasn't exactly welcoming, but even still, she felt herself drawn to him. She wanted to know more about him.

Maybe it was because she wanted to provide to him what she didn't get after Lucy's death. In the month after Lucy's death, she'd been mostly alone to deal with the grief and guilt.

Maybe it was because she knew Levi wasn't the type to ask for help, even if he needed it.

Or maybe it was because she wanted to figure out what it was that she felt whenever she was around him.

She couldn't deny the way her senses were on edge whenever they were near each other.

Even if she wasn't entirely sure of her own, personal motivations for helping him, she'd made both Furlan and Isabel a promise that she wouldn't abandon him or give up on him, and like she'd told Levi, she fully intended to make good on that promise.

One night, about a week after they'd returned, Isa came across him in the mess hall. It was late, and she'd been having trouble sleeping, so she'd decided to make herself a cup of tea using the leaves Ethel had given her.

When she walked into the mess hall, she saw Levi sitting at a table alone, staring out the window, face as expressionless as always. There was a fire going in the fireplace. Pausing, she realized what she could do for him. She made her way into the kitchen and grabbed a kettle and filled it with some water. She hung the kettle over the fire and measured out some tea leaves into two cups while she waited for the water to boil. Once the kettle was whistling, she poured the boiling water into the two cups of leaves. She covered the cups with a small towel, letting the tea steep.

She thought back to how her mom used to make this tea. Her mother, a sweet woman, would often hold Isa in her arms, and let her help, showing her how to make her favorite tea. She remembered her mother's soft hands guiding hers as they measured the leaves together and poured the hot water over it. Her never-ending patience.

Once the tea was finished, she grabbed both cups and walked over to where Levi was sitting. Almost immediately, his eyes shot to her, suspicion on his face which made her steps falter, yet her heart still fluttered when those gray eyes met hers. Determined, she approached the table, and set the cup of tea in front of him. She gave him a small smile, before turning and walking up to the roof to enjoy her tea.

He reminded her of those stray cats she used to see in the streets when she was younger. She'd always wanted to play with them, but they only hissed at her, warning her to keep her distance. Her father had taught her that they need to come to you. He'd shown Isa how to leave scraps of food out for the cats, and then watch from a distance so they get used to you. As time went on, the cats began moving closer and closer, until one day, they allowed Isa to pet them.

She kept doing this each night, bringing Levi a cup of tea using Ethel's chamomile leaves. Whether Levi drank the tea, Isa didn't know, but he never did anything to suggest he didn't want the tea. Surely if she were getting on his nerves each night, he would have said something by now. He wasn't exactly the type to hold back.

A few weeks after the expedition, Isa's ankle had finally healed, and she was going to be able to join training that day. Elated after spending the past few weeks bored beyond reason and tired of all the cleaning she'd been assigned while she healed. She quickly made her way to the training grounds after a quick breakfast.

Winter had arrived, so the Scouts didn't have any scheduled expeditions coming up. That didn't stop them from training, but at least it allowed them a break, a chance to relish in knowing they were going to be alive for a few more months.

At the training grounds, she saw that the rest of the squad was already there. When she joined them, before she could say anything, Mike walked up to her, and to her complete and utter surprise, sniffed her.

She blinked up at him mouth agape. "Did…did you just sniff me?" Her voice was incredulous.

What the hell? Who just goes around sniffing people?

Hange burst out laughing. "I completely forgot to tell you about him. Yea, this is a thing he does."

Stunned, she had no idea what to say or do. When she met Levi's eyes, she was surprised to see a hint of a smirk on his face.

Thankfully, Erwin had arrived at that point.

"Isa, perfect timing. Glad to see your ankle has healed up. I hope you're prepared for training today."

She saluted her new Squad Leader. "Yes sir, I am."

Throughout the day, she finally understood what Lucy meant. This man had to be a sadist. She thought Flagon was bad, but no, Erwin was beyond brutal with training.

The running she'd done in Flagon's squad was doubled under Erwin's command, and they still had to wear gear. Not only that, but he timed them. If one person didn't meet the goal, they had to do it again.

The same with ODM drills. He demanded they meet a certain time limit and enforced teamwork. It didn't matter if one person missed the goal by a couple of seconds. If that happened, everyone had to redo it.

Isa wasn't sure if her struggle in training was due to being out of commission for almost a month, or if it simply was because the man was sadistic.

When they finally were given a break for lunch, Isa collapsed on her back in a heap, completely unable to move as she gasped for air.

Hange's smug face appeared above Isa. "Now do you believe Lucy?"

"Yes. The man is a sadist." She was still struggling to regain control of her breathing, and she practically had to force the words out of her mouth.

Hange laughed and stuck out a hand to help Isa to her feet.

"We tried to tell you, you just didn't want to believe us."

She groaned, taking Hange's outstretched hand. "Shut up."

They walked into the mess hall, where they grabbed their food and sat down with Sherri and Uma.

"Guys, guess what, Isa has finally agreed that Erwin is in fact, a sadist." Hange's smug smile irritated Isa.

She glared at her friend. "Fuck off Hange."

That drew a delighted laugh from Sherri. "Are you ready to admit that he'd be the type to show you a good time in bed?"

Isa gave an exasperated groan. "Sherri…we are not having this conversation again." Her glare had now moved to Sherri. "Need I remind you what happened the last time we had this conversation. And we weren't on his squad, so you and I got lucky. I for one, don't feel like running extra laps. I'm already dying out there as it is."

"Fine." Sherri looked around for a new victim to discuss. A sly grin formed on her face when she saw Levi walking into the mess hall as she nodded in his direction. "What about short stack over there? He looks like another one that knows how to please you. I bet he makes up for his height in…other places."

Isa choked on her tea, gaping at Sherri. "Sherri…what the fuck!"

Sherri wiggled her eyebrows at Isa. "Come on Isa, surely you've heard that guys like him are short because all their height went somewhere else."

Isa sputtered, completely unsure of how to respond.

That's…that's not a thing? I've never heard of that…is that a thing?

Uma cut in this time, a gleeful tone in her voice. "I definitely have. I've met my fair share of shorter men, and they've always stacked up in other arenas."

"Uma, why are you…just…just how old are you?" Isa's face was on fire at this point.

"I'm nineteen, but what difference does it make. Good sex is good sex, regardless of your age."

Isa let her head fall on the table, wishing that a hole would just appear in the floor and swallow her whole, desperate to get away from this conversation. "I…I…you guys are ridiculous. How did we get back to this topic?"

"What else are we supposed to talk about? Training?" Uma rolled her eyes. "I'll pass. There are far more fun things to talk about. There's just something about his eyes that just tells you he'd fuck you boneless."

The thought sent a jolt through Isa and she swallowed.

"There's just something about serious men." Sherri sighed, head resting on her hand, a dreamy look on her face. "They always seem to take your pleasure more seriously. I remember my first time and it was awful." She laughed at the memory. "It was his first time too, and the poor boy didn't last long, maybe five minutes, and that's a generous estimate."

Uma threw her head back and laughed. "You think that's bad? My guy came almost as soon as he pushed in, though I'll admit, it was his first time too. What's worse, is he passed out on top of me. I couldn't even move. Luckily I've had the chance to come across other men who know how to give a lady a good time." She was laughing so hard she had to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"When do you guys even find time for this?"

They ignored her question.

"Oh man, and remember the pain?" Hange had butted in this time.

Wait Hange too? When? Why didn't she tell me? What the fuck? Am I the only one who hasn't had sex?

Sherri winced at the reminder. "That's not exactly something you forget. That burn is rough, especially if the guy doesn't know what he's doing."

"No kidding." Uma shuddered at the memory of the pain.

"I…Can we please talk about something else?"

"It's the angry looking ones that you just know will be a wild ride and will leave you satisfied for days." When Isa glanced up at Sherri she thought that if Sherri's shit-eating grin got any wider, her face would split in two.

Isa buried her face in her hands. "I don't think I want to hear this." Her voice was muffled.

The conversation was putting images in Isa's head that she didn't want. Images that were now seared into her brain fueled by all the romance books she'd read in the past, giving her ideas on what people can do to each other.

Levi telling her to get on her knees and ordering her to suck, making her wonder what sounds he'd make when she did. She'd heard the other scouts taking advantage of empty rooms at night, and some of them got rather…loud.

Levi taking her to the bedroom, touching her everywhere, her breasts, between her legs, lighting fires everywhere. She imagined him pushing his fingers inside of her, running them up and down her slit up to the little nub at the top as he brought her to peak over and over again, before finally pushing inside her.

She was no stranger to pleasuring herself, though she rarely had the time, but that had always been about releasing stress and tension. Now she had these images fueling an aching need that had been slowly awakening since the trio first joined, since that first eye contact with Levi.

She wondered what it would be like for her first time.

Would it hurt like they said? Would it even feel good? The way they made it sound was that it was difficult to have a good first time. Would she even have a first time?

Now she wondered what he was like, and if Sherri and Uma were right about shorter men having larger...she couldn't even bring herself to thinkthe word. She'd never seen one before, except for in the drawings the people in Mitras had shown her to give her the basic understanding of how sex works. They'd said she needed to know since she was going to be married off and would need to perform her 'wifely duties.' Other than that, she had no idea what was normal and more than normal.

Is that…an actual thing? No, what are you thinking, Isa get a grip, you can't be thinking about this, this is ridiculous.

I have to get out of here.

Face completely aflame and at her wit's end, she stood up, desperate for an escape. "That's it, I'm leaving. Goodbye. I'll see you back on the training grounds."

"Aww Isa, you don't have to get all flustered." Uma's teasing voice only set Isa more on edge. "It's all in good fun."

Ignoring them, she kept walking until she was back outside and leaned up against the wall, face flushed, core throbbing. She desperately tried to remove all thoughts of Levi in that way from her head, trying to cool her aching body.

Great, now thanks to them I've got all these images in my head that I'm never going to get rid of. This is completely wrong considering the fact that I'm supposed to be helping him, yet here I am, imagining him that way. We just lost our friends and I'm thinking of that? What is wrong with me? Plus, I don't think he can even stand the sight of me.

Get over yourself Isa, he's never going to want you that way.

Before Isa knew it, another month had passed and it was another normal night on base. The day had been filled with the usual grueling training. She didn't know how, but Erwin always managed to find new ways to torture and push his subordinates to their limits. Isa made her way to the mess hall as she'd been doing each night. She saw Levi at his normal seat in the mess hall, staring out into the dark, looking up at the stars.

I wonder what he thinks about when he's watching the stars. Maybe he's thinking about all the times he sat out on the roof with Isabel and Furlan.

Isa brewed the usual two cups of tea, leaving one sitting in front of Levi, and made her way up to the roof.

In the cool breeze of the night, Isa sat on the battlement, enjoying the peaceful quiet as she watched the stars. She tried to find all the different shapes that Hange had shown them back in training, the ones she'd shown the trio that first night, and felt a pang as she remembered her two friends. She wished she'd been able to save them.

Why did Furlan push me out of the way? He risked himself to save me…why?

Engrossed in her melancholy, Isa didn't hear the footsteps coming up behind her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw someone sit down and she jumped, nearly sloshing warm tea all over her. She looked beside her and was surprised to see that Levi had not only found her, but had actively sought her out. She hadn't expected this. Hoped for yes, but expected, no.

She gave him a small smile, and then turned back to look at the stars, not wanting to push him too far by speaking before he was ready.

They sat in silence for a while, watching the wisps of clouds that passed over the stars. Eventually, Levi broke the silence, much to Isa's surprise.

"The tea, it's good."

Isa smiled into her cup as she took a sip, knowing this was as close to a thank you as she would get from the stoic man beside her. "I'm glad you like it, it's my favorite type, so I always try to keep a tin of them on hand. My mom used to make it for me when I was younger, when I couldn't sleep."

"The leaves are yours?" Isa thought he sounded a touch surprised that she was sharing tea from her own personal stash.

She turned to face him, a friendly smile on her face, but her breath hitched when her eyes met his. She had to clear her throat before speaking. "They are. There's this teashop in Trost that's owned by this sweet, older woman. She sells all kinds of different tea leaves and blends, and her leaves are my favorite. I met her back while I was in training."

She drank in his appearance in the moonlight. The shadows cast across his face made him look infinitely younger. She didn't know how, but his hair looked darker, and her fingers itched to run through the strands to see if they were as silky and smooth as they looked. She wanted to trace along the shadows on his face to see if his skin was as silky and smooth as she thought it was.

When she realized she'd been staring, she quickly turned away, her face flushing. She hoped that with the dark he wouldn't be able to notice the redness in her cheeks.

She was surprised when he didn't question her motives like he would have back when they first met. He just…seemed to accept the gesture, like he had when she'd helped Isabel in Trost.

They sat in silence for a few hours, enjoying the stars above. She could sense he didn't want any more conversation, so she would respect that.

And so it went for about another month, where Levi would join her each night for tea on the roof. Sometimes they would chat about their day, or more so, she would chat, and he would just nod or give some sarcastic remark in acknowledgement. Other times, when she sensed he wanted quiet, she would just sit there and enjoy his presence. Which wasn't hard for her to do.

If her heart raced each time he showed up beside her, she ignored it. If her breath caught in her throat when her eyes unexpectedly met his, she pretended it didn't happen. If the images from her conversation with her friends kept popping into her mind, she shoved them to the side. She didn't fully understand the feelings whirling inside her, and she wasn't certain she wanted to. Besides, she wasn't going to risk the progress she'd made in her friendship with Levi over something as silly as a…crush.

She'd finally admitted it to herself, and she was certain that was all this was, just a simple crush, nothing more, nothing less. And with crushes, the feelings would eventually pass. She hoped.

Isa didn't know if she was helping him at all, but he hadn't complained, and he showed up every night, so she thought that meant something…right?

One night, as they sat looking up at the stars, a thought occurred to her.

Has he gone to see their graves? To say a final goodbye.

She wanted to ask him, but wasn't sure how. She didn't know if he was ready to talk about his family, to even hear their names.

They were sitting on the battlement as they usually did, and she tried to figure out how to broach the subject.

I want to help him go there if he hasn't gone to see them yet, but how do I bring them up without setting him off? He's difficult to read sometimes, and I don't know if he even wants to talk about them.

His sigh filled the air, breaking her from her thoughts. "Just spill it. It's annoying watching you be all mopey and indecisive."

She chewed at her lip, unsure of how to phrase it. Meeting his eyes, she carefully worded her next question. "I was just...wondering if you'd...gone to their graves yet." She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

She could tell she'd managed to surprise him. She watched as his eyes darkened. With anger? Despair? Pain? She couldn't tell, maybe it was a combination of the three.

Guilt filled her as he rose and began walking away.

Chasing after him, she grabbed his arm, and he stopped in his tracks. "Wait, I...I didn't mean to upset you. I just...if you haven't gone yet, I'll go with you, so you don't have to be alone. I don't want you to be alone for this. I…I miss them too."

Without saying a word, he gently pulled his arm from her grasp and kept walking until he'd left the roof.

Gnawing on her lip, she worried she'd ruined what little progress she'd made in their friendship.

The next night, she was sitting on the battlements again, this time alone and tealess. She hadn't wanted to go to the mess hall, for fear of seeing Levi and not knowing what to say or do. She was now wondering how she was supposed to begin making progress again.

I didn't mean to upset him. I just didn't want him to go alone the first time he went to see their graves if he hadn't gone already. It's hard enough as it is, and it's even harder alone. Dammit, why am I so shit at this?

Furlan, Isabel, how did you do it? He was so comfortable with you two. Is it just something that takes time? Was he like this with you guys at first? Furlan said he was, but I find that so hard to believe.

She was so lost in thought, that she didn't register the door to the roof opening and closing, nor did she catch the muted footsteps as they approached her.

She didn't become aware of another presence until a cup of tea, held by a sturdy hand was stuck in front of her nose.

She blinked at it, confused. She followed the hand up to its owner and was surprised when she saw Levi standing beside her.

He rolled his eyes. "Are you going to take the tea or not?"

Jolting out of her confusion, she took the cup from his hand. "Thanks."

They sat in silence, gazing up at the stars.

"Alright." His voice was hushed and she almost didn't hear it.

She turned to look at him and saw he'd already been watching her. She didn't need to ask what he meant.

She nodded. "Umm...we can go tomorrow if you want, since we have a free day. There's a small town nearby where we can see if there's a flower shop there. If you want." She nervously chewed at her lip, wondering if she'd pushed too far again.

This time, he didn't leave, instead, he gave her a small nod in agreement.

Her heart leapt at the progress and she beamed at him.

She didn't notice when his eyes darkened ever so slightly.

The next morning, she rose early and met Levi at the stables, surprised to already see him there, both Luna and his stallion saddled up and ready to go. She was touched that he'd gone through the trouble of preparing her horse for her.

Her heart slowed to a steady thrum as she took in his appearance. Like herself, he'd opted for casual, civilian clothing over their uniform, and she thought he looked more dashing than ever. She had to force her eyes away before she got caught gawking at him.

The ride to the town was short, and they managed to find a small flower shop. Isa walked with Levi as they tried to find the right flowers for their friends. Levi seemed to be at a loss for what kind of flowers to get, so Isa looked until she found something that caught her eye.

She grabbed a bunch of fluffy, pink flowers that seemed to have endless petals. They looked fun, and full of energy, just like Isabel had been.

The next bunch she grabbed were a bundle of white flowers, with pointy petals, and a fuzzy center. She thought they looked calming, just like Furlan.

She tapped his shoulder and when he turned, she held out the flowers.

He eyed the flowers for a moment before giving a small nod. "Those are fine."

A rush went through her at his approval, she was elated that her choices had been deemed acceptable by him.

When he went to go pay for the flowers, she stopped him. "Let me help, please. They were my friends too."

He looked like he wanted to argue, not wanting someone else's help paying for flowers for his friends. But something in the pleading look on her face must have convinced him, because instead, he just said, "Alright."

The ride to the cemetery was silent. Isa wasn't sure what to say or if she should say anything. The man was not one for long conversations.

She couldn't keep her eyes from glancing over at him. It was as if they had a mind of their own, constantly wanting to look at him.

Isa, you really need to get a hold of yourself, this is getting ridiculous.

She forced her gaze forward, though it was difficult.

Once they'd arrived at the cemetery, she helped him carry the flowers over to their graves. She set the pink flowers beside the headstone marked with Isabel's name.

"I'll leave you alone with them, I'll be standing over there if you need me." She assumed he wanted to be alone with them, and she wanted to give him the privacy he wanted.

As she started to walk away, a hand grabbed her arm.

"Stay."

Taken aback, she looked at Levi with wide eyes. She hadn't expected him to want someone by him while he visited his friends' graves.

But when she saw the smallest hint of pain in his eyes, despite the stoic face, she knew she couldn't leave him alone.

She gave him a small smile, and nodded, taking her place next to him again.

He removed his hand from her arm, and she immediately missed the warmth from his hand.

When she heard him take in a shaky breath, she wasn't sure what to do. She wanted to provide him some comfort, but she wasn't sure how or if he even wanted to be comforted.

Some instinctual part of her brain took over her hand, and she reached and wrapped his hand up in its warmth.

She had expected him to yank his hand from her grasp. What she didn't expect was the slight squeeze from his hand onto hers, almost as if he were thanking her for providing the comfort he didn't know how to ask for.

"Do…do you want me to say something?" She was afraid of ruining the moment, or upsetting him, but she was amazed when he simply nodded.

She wasn't sure what to say, so she just spoke the words she'd written to them, and was surprised at how easily they fell from her. She talked about what she'd thought when she'd first seen them, with Furlan giving an upside-down salute and Isabel look cheery and bright. A sad smile took over her face as she spoke of the fond memories she'd made with them in their time together.

She thanked them for their friendship, and for accepting her, and that she just hoped they were at peace.

As she spoke, her thumb had absently started to stroke his hand, wanting to provide a comfort to the man beside her who'd lost his family. She wondered if this was his first time losing someone. She knew all too well what that was like and knew what it was to feel alone. She wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. That she was there for him.

A flash of light went off behind her eyes, and she collapsed onto the ground, crying out in pain, as the world faded to black.

She's back in the same room as before, only this time, the boy is older, maybe six or seven now.

The woman is lying in bed, ragged breaths filling the air. Her cheeks are now gaunt, her skin sallow with disease.

The boy tries to get her to eat some broth he'd found, but she can't lift her head enough.

'Mama, please, you have to eat something.'

Isa's heart squeezes in sympathy at the despair in his voice, one that had once been filled with love and joy.

His mother's voice, once lively and sweet, is now raspy and weak. 'I can't my love. I just want to rest.' Her eyes close, and her breathing starts to slow.

Fear floods the boy's body. 'N-no! P-please, open your eyes, don't…don't go to sleep.'

Her eyes crack open. A weak, trembling hand lifts to stroke the boy's hair. 'Levi, I want you to remember that you are loved. You are my sweet, handsome boy. Don't ever forget that. Don't lose that light.' She takes another ragged breath as she struggles to say her final words. 'Levi, my love,' for a brief moment, her eyes are warm and youthful again, as she ruffles her son's hair, 'I love you, don't ever forget that.' And her eyes shut for the final time, her final breath leaving her body with a muffled exhale.

The grief that pours out of the boy's body is almost too much for Isa to witness. Waves and waves of sadness pour out of him as he shakes his mom, begging her to open her eyes. Begging her to wake up. He gives her a desperate hug and presses his forehead against hers. Tears stream down his face as he cups her face in his hands.

She can see something almost snap inside the boy once he realizes that she isn't waking up. The tears dry on his face, though his breath still trembles. He pulls the covers up to his mother's chin and gives her a final kiss on the cheek.

'I love you too.' His quiet words are almost imperceptible.

He walks over and sits on the opposite side of the room against the wall. The grief is still there but contained inside now. The boy shows no outward emotion, his eyes have lost that childlike warmth, replaced by a chilly gray as he waits.

Waiting.

Waiting for death to come.

And just like last time, she was brought back to the present with no warning. She was on the ground where she'd fallen, and Levi now kneeling beside her, watching her.

It took her a moment to register the tears pouring down her face. She could still feel the grief that had poured from him. Turning her head, she looked at the man beside her, barely noticing that he still held her hand. She didn't notice the hand on her back, supporting her in her collapsed state. "Levi…I…I'm sorry. Please…I-I didn't mean to do that. I don't know how that happened. P-Please, you have to believe me." She begged, her voice trembling.

She feared that he'd react with suspicion or anger again, like he had the last time this happened.

Meeting his eyes, she saw that although his face was calm, his eyes were full of that same sadness she'd seen in his memory.

He nodded. "It's okay." As if unsure of what else to do, he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, and awkwardly wiped the tears from Isa's face.

He didn't seem angry, which sent a wave of relief flooding through her, yet she was still overwhelmed with sorrow for him. "Wh-what happened?"

He shrugged. "She got sick. I was just a kid, so I couldn't take care of her like she needed. We didn't exactly have money for a doctor. So, she died."

His voice was calm, but she could practically see the anguish he still carried inside. She knew he normally kept his emotions locked up tight inside him, but between being at his family's graves and being thrown back into such a horrid memory, she wasn't surprised to see the slightest hints of despair breaking through.

Knowing how much he kept everything sealed up, she knew the grief must be hitting him hard in that moment.

Not knowing what else to do, she threw her arms around him. His body felt cold to her, so she wrapped him tight into her arms, trying to warm him up.

When he stiffened and tried to pull back, unused to this sort of comforting contact, she only held him tighter, refusing to let go, wanting him to understand that she was here for him. "It's okay, it's okay to lean on someone sometimes."

His hands came up to rest at her waist, as if he were unsure of what to do. He let his chin rest on her shoulder.

She wondered if anyone had held him like this since his mother died.

Her hand, moving almost out of instinct, reached up to stroke his hair, like she'd seen his mother do. She heard a content sigh escape him, so she kept gently stroking his hair.

"I'm so sorry, Levi. I'm here for you. Whatever way you need."

She smiled to herself as she repeated what Furlan had told her, all those months ago, the night before he died.

And with those words, it clicked for her, and she understood what it meant to want more from someone, but be willing to simply be there, however they needed.

She felt him relax, ever so slightly, an almost imperceptible relaxing in his tense muscles. Her heart thudded in her ears as his arms awkwardly wrapped around her in a loose hug, clearly unused to the act, taking the comfort she was offering.

She was surprised he was willing to let her see the more vulnerable, softer side of him. She wasn't sure why. She wondered if it was because of how long they'd known each other at that point, it had been almost a year since they'd first met. Or maybe it was because he felt more comfortable around her, though Isa thought that was just her wishful thinking. Or perhaps it was because she'd known Furlan and Isabel, and had cared for them too, in a different way than he had, but she'd loved them all the same.

In the end, it didn't matter to her. She was just grateful that he was accepting the comfort she was offering, and that he wasn't pushing her away like he had before.

They sat there, two people embracing in front of their fallen comrades' graves. Isa was providing Levi with a comfort and support he hadn't been offered in a long time.

Pulling back, Isa gave him a timid smile, and without thinking, without realizing what she was doing, she placed a gentle, comforting kiss on his cheek. She thought she heard his breath hitch when she did, but she brushed it off as her imagination.

Face now flaming at what she'd done, she sat back awkwardly, avoiding his gaze, unsure of where to go from here.

As they made their way back to base, Isa couldn't help but feel guilty that she had now seen a second, extremely personal memory of Levi's without permission. Despite the fact that this was out of her control, she still felt like she was betraying him, going into the recesses of his mind and pulling out painful memories, forcing him to relive them.

Why the hell does this keep happening? Will I ever find out?