The ride back to Trost was short, though Isa didn't register any of it, not with the day's events playing in her mind on an endless loop, not with the numbness holding everything back.

Roger sacrificing himself for a complete stranger.

Ethel's frail body being shoved into a titan's mouth and crushed by its teeth.

Sherri's body being ripped in two after she'd saved Isa.

Those memories were seared into her brain, and no matter how she tried, she couldn't rid herself of them. They were bringing back the memories all the other people she'd lost.

The sliced necks of her parents.

Lucy's body wedged inside a titan's teeth.

Isabel's severed head.

Furlan's bitten body.

She knew it was dangerous to be distracted outside the walls, but the memories wouldn't stop playing.

She didn't know what it was, but something inside her had snapped the minute she saw Ethel's body crushed in the titan's mouth. That rage filled rampage she went on…she would have slaughtered titan after titan until she collapsed.

When she'd ran out of gas, if Sherri hadn't pushed her out of the way of that titan's hand, she would have died. Once again, someone had given their life to save hers.

Why?

And she had sat there, watching as her best friend called out to her for a final time, as she was once again, completely unable to do anything.

Will I ever be able to protect someone I love?

Once they passed through the gate of Wall Rose and entered Trost, the numbness around her lessened just enough so that she started to register her surroundings, the people around her, Hange and Levi on either side of her, though she felt as empty as ever.

She could feel Hange's worried gaze on her, but she ignored it.

She could feel Levi watching her too, but she had no idea what he was feeling.

Making a split-second decision, Isa left the formation, not caring about formalities. She needed to find Armin and let him know what happened, that she had been unable to save his grandfather. She had failed in keeping someone safe, once again.

"Where are you going?"

She ignored Levi's call and kept going, ignoring him still when he rode up beside her.

She wasn't sure where she'd be able to find Armin, so she thought to look in the area where beds had been set up.

At the lodging area, Isa spoke to Levi without facing him. "Stay here, please." Her voice was hoarse when she spoke, and she didn't see the worry that flashed in his eyes at her monotonous tone.

She walked inside, and when she saw the boy with blue eyes and blond hair, she felt something crack inside her, the smallest fissure forming in her walls.

She walked up to the little boy and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

As she knelt beside him, she could tell he knew the moment he saw her face. His mournful eyes had the fissure in her wall branching out ever so slightly. When she saw his eyes well up, she drew him close, wanting to provide comfort. She wrapped him tight, and just held him, as she felt hot tears land against her shoulder.

She held him, stroking his hair, wishing that he hadn't had to lose his grandfather. His hands had wrapped around her neck, clenched into fists.

Her voice was a pained whisper when she spoke. It hurt to speak, her throat still raw, but she needed to try to comfort him. "I'm…I'm sorry. I tried, but…I'm so sorry. I know those words mean nothing, but I am. If I could trade places with him, so that he'd be here, I would. I know what it is to lose family, and you don't deserve this pain. I'm so sorry Armin."

He pulled back and looked at her with concerned eyes. "Don't say that. No one deserves to die. I don't blame you. Please don't blame yourself."

A new crack formed in her wall as she looked at his tear-stained face. "Thank you, Armin, that means a lot." She pulled his grandfather's hat out of her satchel. "I…found this after. I…I know it's not much, but he would want you to have it."

His hands shook as he took the hat. "Th-thank you."

She ruffled his hair and gave him a small smile, a small flicker of hope lighting inside her, desperately attempting to overtake the numbing grief. "Take care of yourself okay? If you ever need anything, come find me at the Scouts base. I don't know if I'll be able to help, but I'll do my best. Even if you just need someone to talk to, I'm here. I know it's a long journey, so you can even write me a letter if you want."

He nodded and wrapped his arms around her in another hug. She gave his hair one final ruffle.

When she turned to leave, she saw Levi standing in the doorway, quietly watching. She ignored him as she walked by.

As she walked back outside and hopped back onto Luna, numbing grief was quick to blow out the flame, though the embers still remained.

She avoided eye contact with Levi, though she could still sense him watching her.

Once they'd arrived back on base, Isa dismounted from Luna, routine guiding her movements in making Luna comfortable. Then, she leaned against the stall wall, sliding down until she sat on the floor, still covered in blood, dirt, and sweat. The small bit of energy she'd had after giving Armin his grandfather's hat was gone, erased by the numbness engulfing her.

Her eyes were dull. She felt...empty, devoid of all emotion, though the cracks in her walls still remained, just waiting for something to break through.

She didn't know how long she sat there, the events of the day playing over and over in her mind, not noticing as the sky slowly darkened to night. Her knees were drawn into her chest, arms wrapped tight around her knees, head resting on her arms, and she was sitting there, waiting for the dam to break. She wondered if it ever would or if she would spend the rest of her life an empty shell of her former self.

When she felt a warm hand on her hair, turning her head to face the owner, she barely registered Levi's face in front of her. Didn't even hear his words as she watched his mouth move. Her eyes were lifeless, and she didn't notice the worry and slight hint of fear that filled his as he took in her expression.

She didn't resist when he lifted her gently into his arms, her head now resting on his chest, the sound of his steady heartbeat further breaking the wall of numbness, and trickles of emotion began to push through the fissures.

She didn't even notice that her hand was clutching tightly at his shirt, as if he were her lifeline in an endless chasm of grief.

He carried her to his office and took her into the bathroom where he set her down gently on the floor.

"I'm going to go find Hange so she can help you."

The thought of being alone again cracked the wall more. When he turned to leave, her hand shot out, grabbing his arm. "P-Please...don't leave me." Terrified of being left alone, even if only for a few minutes, her voice was on the verge of breaking, eyes begging.

He sighed, ruffling her hair. "Alright, I'll be right outside the door if you need me."

She nodded sluggishly.

He stepped out, the door closing with a quiet click.

Her shaky hands came up to try and remove her uniform, but they felt weak, out of her control. They only shook harder when she saw the blood still on her hands and the arms of her jacket.

She didn't know whose blood it was, but it didn't matter, because it brought back the memories in full force.

Roger's sacrifice, Ethel's body being crushed by the titan's teeth, Sherri being ripped in two, those memories kept playing in Isa's head, making her hands even more unsteady.

Growing frustrated, the first hint of grief broke through as she whimpered, and only worsened as she continued to fumble with the straps and buttons.

Levi opened the door. "Are you alright?"

She sniffled. "I-I c-can't..." Her eyes squeezed shut as her voice broke and trailed off, fists clenched tight at her sides in a failed attempt to calm the shaking.

He stepped into the bathroom. "Do you want me to get Hange?"

She shook her head. "Please don't…don't leave me alone." Her voice was a broken whisper. Her lower lip trembled, fearing she'd simply crumble into pieces and float away if left on her own.

"Do you...do you want me to help you?"

She nodded slowly, her grief-stricken eyes sending something flickering across his face, compassion, empathy, pity, fear...she didn't know.

"Are you sure?"

"I trust you."

Closing the door behind him, he slowly approached her, as one would a wounded animal, and began helping her remove the straps and her clothes. He kept his eyes on her face, only looking down when he needed to see her arms and legs to pull off her clothes.

She felt him lift her into his arms again as he set her gently into the tub, turning the water on for her.

When he turned to leave, she weakly grasped at his arm again. "Please...I don't think I can—" Her voice hitched.

"Are you sure?"

"Please." Her voice cracked on the word, and she was trembling at this point, hand shaking on his arm, despair becoming more and more difficult to contain. Her other arm had wrapped itself tight around her knotted stomach.

He removed his shoes and socks, rolling up his pant legs before stepping into the tub and gently guiding her under the spray. He grabbed some soap and gently began washing off the dirt, grime, and blood that had built up on her while outside the walls.

Just as respectful as ever, he kept his eyes on her face as much as possible.

The steady, tender touch of his hands as he cleaned her soothed the trembles, though she still shook. Despite the warm water, the grief trickling through her walls brought a chill that she'd never felt before.

She watched his eyes as he concentrated, making sure no speck of blood or dirt was left behind. His hands were even lighter around the bruises on her arms that had formed where she'd clutched them earlier, careful around the small cuts and scrapes on her body that she couldn't remember getting, gentle on the darker bruises on her legs where she'd landed on her gear.

She wondered if she should feel embarrassed at being completely naked in front of him for the first time, for the first time in front of a man, but she was too overwhelmed to feel anything else in the moment, as more and more emotions started to crack through.

If not embarrassed, then she wondered if she should feel vulnerable. She would have thought she would have felt vulnerable being naked and exposed for the first time in front of the man she loved.

Instead, she just felt…safe. Despite the overwhelming grief swirling just below the surface, she felt as safe as ever.

Something warm filled her veins, centering from her chest, attempting to overcome the numbness, desperate to force all her emotions through so she could start to heal.

He undid her braid, combing his fingers through her hair to loosen the strands. He tilted her head back to wet her hair under the spray, and gently massaged shampoo into her hair, working out the tangles and knots that had formed, rinsing out the suds once the blood and dirt was gone.

A content sigh escaped her at his tender touch, soothing her in a way she'd never felt. She hadn't known his hands could be so gentle. She'd caught glimpses of his sweeter, kinder side, whenever he ruffled her hair or when he let her hug him, but this was beyond anything she'd ever experienced from anyone.

The sweet way he took care of her tore down her walls and she snapped as a choked sob escaped her mouth. The well of grief finally having broken through the numbness as tears began to spill from her eyes. It only worsened as she tried to hold back the sobs.

Shaky, unsure, but gentle hands came to her shoulders, not knowing what to do. His worried eyes met hers, asking her what she wanted him to do. She curled into his warm body, wailing out her grief, no longer holding back as her body shook with sobs. Levi's arms awkwardly came around her, but it was enough for her.

The broken wails that escaped her had him wrapping his arms even tighter around her, wishing he could do more, wishing he knew how to do more. There was no way for him to know that just his warmth and the sense of safety that came from being in his presence was enough to comfort her.

She wept into his shoulder, despair pouring from her as she mourned the loss of two people she'd cared about so much. Her hands had curled up into tight fists against his chest, clutching at his shirt, needing that lifeline.

Memories of Ethel and Sherri played across her mind as she sobbed.

All the visits she took to Trost just to sit and talk with the older woman.

The way Ethel would always listen to anything Isa had to say, no matter how ridiculous.

The advice she'd given Isa when it came to earning Levi's trust, what to get him for his birthday, everything.

The way Ethel would laugh at a joke Isa made, the way she would hold her when she was worried or afraid.

The way the older woman had given her that parental love that she'd wanted for so long, ever since her parents had been ripped away from her. And now, it had been ripped from her once again.

Sherri joking about her attraction to Erwin, how she and the others would tease Isa for feeling flustered when it came to men.

The way Sherri had looked so broken when she'd come to Isa to apologize for the cruel way she'd treated her friend.

All the laughs they'd shared throughout training and throughout their time since joining the Scouts.

The late nights where the four of them would dream about what life would be like without titans, dream about meeting the loves of their lives. Sherri would never get the chance to fall in love, and that broke Isa even more.

She sobbed for Armin's grandfather, at the memory of Armin's innocent face asking her to watch out for him. And how she'd failed.

His broken face when he'd realized that his grandfather was gone.

The way his eyes had filled with hot, silent tears that had spilled as she held him.

The way his hands had shook when she'd given him his grandfather's hat, as if that were somehow supposed to replace his family.

Why couldn't I keep any of them safe? Lucy, Furlan, Isabel, and now Ethel and Sherri. Am I doomed to forever lose the ones I love?

It was clear that Levi was unsure of how to comfort the woman in his arms. He felt his hands were made for killing after all, not soothing someone. Yet, as if reminded of how his mother used to comfort him, of how Isa had comforted him after Furlan and Isabel died, a shaky, uncertain, but gentle hand came up to stroke Isa's hair, and was spurred to continue when she nuzzled her tear-stained face further into his neck.

He had no words to give her, so he just let her cry as he held her, trembling in his arms, not caring in the slightest that his clothes were now soaked, only caring that she was safe.

Finally, Isa's sobs quieted as the well dried, and her eyes started to droop, as the drowsiness that comes from crying and the exhaustion from the day began to take over her body and she slumped against him.

Levi raised her into his arms again, as he turned the water off, and stepped out of the shower. He gently dried her with a towel and wrapped it around her, steadying her when she swayed with fatigue. He grabbed another towel to gently dry her hair, watching as her eyes fluttered closed. He carried her into the bedroom where he dressed her in some of his clothes, not having anything of hers on hand, not wanting to leave her alone.

Cradling her once more against his chest, he carried her to his bed, tucking her in under the covers. When he turned to walk out for the third time, Isa grabbed his arm.

"Please stay. I don't...I don't want to be alone."

He seemed to have some sort of internal debate before nodding. "Alright, just let me change out of these clothes."

When he returned, he laid down under the covers next to her.

She looked at him awkwardly. "Can you...can you hold me? P-please?" She squeezed her eyes shut at the embarrassing request, certain she was pushing her luck. But she just needed to feel warmth. Something to warm her from the chilling grief that was filling her and threatened to break her even more.

He hesitated, before reaching out and pulling her against him, cradling her head against his chest.

"Levi, I—" Her voice threatened to crack again.

"Sleep Isa. Just sleep. I'm not going anywhere." His gentle, gruff voice was soothing to her. She didn't think he realized just how much him being there was helping her.

She didn't know why, but she was reminded of that first night, so long ago, when he'd told Isabel to sleep, with a silent promise to watch over her no matter what. The reminder of her small, red-headed friend brought the smallest of smiles onto her face.

His heartbeat slowly lulled her to sleep as she snuggled closer to his warmth that was somehow managing to push away the iciness. As she drifted off, she thought she felt something featherlight whisper across her forehead as his arms wrapped tighter around her.

As always, she felt safe as long as he was near.

When she woke, she was still wrapped up tight in Levi's arms, her head resting against his chest, and she could hear that familiar, steadying sound of his heartbeat.

She slowly raised her head and was surprised to see he was asleep. She'd never seen him sleep before, and she was in awe at how at peace he looked.

His mouth was parted ever so slightly, the deep breaths of sleep fluttering across her hair. His dark eyelashes grazed his cheekbones, and he looked so much younger than she'd ever seen him. He actually looked his age, and not like some military Captain who'd seen too much, done too much.

The way he held her warmed her further. She knew he wasn't one to hold people this close, and just the fact that he was, made her want to cry as other warmer, happier emotions battled for dominance with the despair and grief swirling in her.

With a mind of its own, her hand reached up to brush at the bangs hanging over his forehead, stroking down his cheek, tracing the dark shadows under his eyes that always worried her, before running her thumb lightly across his bottom lip, reveling at the softness. She was instantly reminded of how his lips had felt moving across hers.

Alive. We're both still alive.

A thought occurred to her. She remembered that his mother had died when he was still a child, and from the sound of it, the man who'd found him was hardly an affectionate person.

Maybe his lack of affection towards others has more to do with not knowing how, versus simply not being affectionate.

When his eyes snapped open, she froze, hand still on his face.

His eyes were unreadable to her, though they held that deep blue she'd only seen once before.

'A man's eyes never lie.'

She flushed, snatching her hand back. "I...it..." She cleared her throat. "What time is it?"

Well now that's an absolutely ridiculous question considering he just woke up.

When his hand came up to brush the hair out of her face, fingers lightly brushing down her cheek, her breath caught in her throat as she watched him with wide eyes, stunned by the affectionate gesture.

He swallowed thickly before clearing his throat. He tucked her head back under his chin, enveloping her again in his warmth. "Still early, go back to sleep. I'll wake you."

She let her eyes drop again. "Levi?"

He hummed.

"Thank you."

His only response was to hold her tighter, and she felt that same whisper of a touch across her forehead, light as a feather, sending a warm contentment through her, beginning to melt through the grief.

A door slamming open had Isa snapping awake.

A worried voice called out as footsteps grew closer to the bedroom. "Levi! Have you seen Isa?! I can't find her anywh—"

Isa looked up to see Hange at the doorway to Levi's bedroom, gaping at the sight.

She had to admit, it probably was beyond strange for Hange to see the man not prone to affection to be holding her so tightly.

Levi sighed beside her. "Yes Hange, she's right here, as you can see."

"I…Yo…B…" Perhaps at another time, Isa would have found the sight of a speechless Hange humorous.

Hange closed her eyes before opening them again, as if she thought the sight in front of her was a figment of her imagination.

"Just…I…Come find me later Isa." She turned and walked out, the dazed expression still present on her face.

The door clicked shut leaving Isa and Levi alone again. She turned her head to find him watching her.

"Are you alright?"

"I…I don't know. Everything is still so fresh, and…" She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back fresh tears. She opened them, sniffling. "I…I should probably go get changed."

She lifted a hand to his face, stroking down the side of his cheek. "Thank you, Levi, for everything."

Pulling out of his hold, she rose and made her way out of his office, movements slightly sluggish from grief. Before leaving, she chanced a glance over her shoulder, and saw he was still watching her.

Taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart, she opened the door and left his office, shutting it quietly behind her. Luckily, she didn't come across anyone on her walk back to her room.

She opened her door and walked over to her trunk at the foot of her bed, grabbing a change of clothes. She made her way to the bathroom, quickly washing up and dressing. The memory of the night before had tears pricking at her eyes.

I…I didn't know he could be so gentle. The way he took care of me, held me, I…I've never been treated that way before, as if I mattered. It…it was different from the way Hange held me after Lucy, Isabel, and Furlan died.

I…I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't found me in Luna's stall. I'd probably still be sitting there, an empty shell.

It…it hurts so much. It feels like someone ripped my heart out. I'm never going to see Ethel again, I'll never get to drink tea with her again, listen to her try to convince me Levi feels more for me than friendship. I'll never again hear her stories of her husband, of her son, her life.

I'll never get to listen to Sherri joke about men or dream about life. Her life…her life is just over, when it was just beginning. All because she saved me.

I never told either of them that I loved them.

That's what hurt Isa the most, was that, once again, she'd never told her friends how much she cared for them. She'd been too afraid, didn't know how to tell them.

Isa wiped at the few tears that had trickled down her face, before making her way back to her room to drop off Levi's clothes. She'd wash them later so that she could return them.

A sad smile crossed her face when she saw the small bottle of fragrance Ethel had given her, sitting on her nightstand. She crossed her room to pick up the bottle, a small tear trickling down her face at the memory of Ethel giving her the fragrance.

Wanting a reminder of the older woman, she dabbed some on the inside of her wrists, behind her ears, and at the base of her throat, just like Ethel had taught her.

She gently set the bottle back on her nightstand, and when her gaze landed on her bed, her heart froze in her chest.

There, sitting on her pillow, was a small piece of paper, folded in half.

Nerves knotting her stomach, she reached out a shaky hand to pick up the note. She unfolded the piece of paper and began to read.

Isa,

I hope you hadn't thought I died. No. You're not that fortunate. I'm making sure I stay alive until I'm finished with you.

Such a shame what happened on this last expedition. Sending out all those poor, pitiful people out to try to take back our land. Such a shame to send all those people to their deaths. We all know why the government did it.

I heard that your precious Ethel hadn't been considered since she's originally from Wall Rose, and they were only sending people from Wall Maria.

Well that simply just wouldn't do.

I wrote a letter as Ethel to the Military Police just begging to be allowed to join in on the fight. Her letter was such a sad tale of how she wanted to carry on her son's dream and try to make a difference.

If you were wondering why she was sent out to begin with, well now you know.

I'm far from finished with you.

Sherri was an added bonus, I hadn't planned on her dying just yet, but a loss for you is always a win for me.

Are you begging for death yet? I can't wait to get to you. I dream of how I'm going to torture you. Maim you. Kill you.

I've become well acquainted with my knife. I'll be carving up your body in no time. I'll etch the names of your loved ones into your flesh so that the memory of your failure will rest with you for all eternity.

I think maybe Luna should be next, or maybe Hange.

I'll leave Levi for last. I'll make sure to kill him in front of you. It'll make it all the sweeter.

Rest well knowing that their deaths are on you.

Until next time.

Isa couldn't breathe, she couldn't think.

The note fluttered to the floor as her fists clenched tight.

Her breaths were getting shorter and shorter, panting out. She could feel something bubbling beneath the surface.

Ethel…

Ethel was never…

Never meant…to be a part of this?

And this…person…this…they…

For a second, time seemed to freeze, and all Isa could hear were her strangled breaths.

And then.

She snapped.

She could feel her sanity leave her as she broke. She could hear the crack of it echoing across the room.

She screamed. Yelled. She punched at the wall, fist going clean through, a gaping hole now present. She didn't feel the pain as the flesh tore, blood now pooling on her knuckles, dripping onto the floor, matching the red inside her, fueling it further.

Before, when she'd been confronted by Lucy's mom, the black veil of despair had taken over her, crippling her. When they'd arrived back on base yesterday, she'd been consumed by numbness, unable to feel anything. Now, the hot, burning red of pure rage was enveloping her. She couldn't see anything. She wanted to burn everything.

She tore off the bedding on her bed, flinging it onto the floor. She heaved her nightstand up and threw it, creating another hole when the corner collided into the wall. Anything within reach, she picked up and threw. Her screams and yells echoing across the base.

She reveled in this feeling, enjoying it far more than the broken despair or the numbness she'd felt before. With this anger coursing through her, she felt that she could take on anyone who dared try to hurt her or the ones she loved.

She yanked her mirror off the wall, slamming it onto the ground, not caring that the glass had now shattered everywhere.

She wanted to find this person and tear them apart, limb from limb. Make them suffer the way she'd suffered.

She grabbed her pillows off the floor, tearing them in half, feathers flying everywhere, littering the room. Perhaps at another time she would have marveled at the sudden burst of strength, but she was too far gone.

She'd lost too many people to this asshole with a bullshit vendetta, and she was tired of it.

Despite knowing she wasn't useless, the rage was bringing up old insecurities. She was tired of feeling weak, tired of failing, tired of losing people she cared about.

Her skin was on fire, the blood in her veins flaming as it coursed through her. The part of her that had been shoved down by the rage didn't know how to break free and take back control.

She kicked at the end of her bedframe, and it broke off, the bed landing on the floor with a loud thud.

Her throat burned, but she didn't care, it matched the burn consuming her. She didn't want to let it go. She wanted to run outside the walls and destroy every titan that dared to come her way.

So consumed by rage and grief, she didn't hear the door slam open when Levi and Hange burst into the room or their voices over the roar in her head. She didn't see their shocked and worried faces when they say her.

She didn't see Levi dodge her journal that she flung against the wall as he quickly made his way over to her.

When she felt a strong but gentle grip on her wrists, she struggled against it.

Who the fuck!

Get off!

I can't destroy everything if you don't let me the fuck go!

"Hey, stop." The voice was firm but quiet and soothing.

"No! No! No! No! NO!" She fought against the grip as she shrieked, too consumed by hatred and disgust for whoever was writing the notes, for whoever kept torturing her.

Dammit, just let me go!

I have to find!

Fucking!

Just!

Ethel and Sherri are gone, and I have to destroy the person responsible!

She couldn't see, could barely hear over the roar in her head. Her muscles hurt with the tension all across her body.

The person turned her so that she was facing forward, using her wrists to wrap her arms across her body, pulling her back tight against their chest.

A voice whispered in her ear. "Take a breath."

"I-I can't." She growled. Eyes clenched, she struggled against the hold, as she sobbed. She flung her head back against the person's chest and screamed out again, her pain, despair, fury echoing everywhere. She kicked her feet up, desperate to break free, but the person held firm, supporting her, a silent reminder that they were there for her.

Why can't you just let me go!

"Yes, you can. Isa," the voice murmured, calling to her, the part of her that was buried under the rage, the grief, "Come back to me." Something about the voice broke through the wall of red.

She froze, gasping for air, her heart pounding in her chest so hard she was surprised it didn't burst out.

That voice…I…I know that voice.

"That's it, take a breath now."

She took in a shuddering breath, which only hitched in her throat, a choked sob escaping her.

"Come on, you can do better than that. Take a breath, and hold it," the voice murmured, so soothing, sending a cool tranquility through her veins to combat the fire.

She did as she was told, holding her breath.

"Good girl, now, let it go."

She exhaled, and with it, all the rage vanished, a flame extinguished by her breath, and she slumped against the person behind her as the roar in her head finally quieted and the pounding of her heart slowed.

"That's it, it's okay, I'm here." She could feel the person's lips move over her ear as they tried to calm her.

"L-Levi?" Her voice was hoarse and raspy, and it hurt to talk. Her limbs were starting to tremble lightly as the adrenaline faded.

"Shh, I'm right here." His voice whispered ever so quietly, his thumbs stroking lightly at her wrists, and she felt safe.

She tried to turn in his arms, and he let her. She flung her arms around his neck, burying her face against him and clinging tight, never wanting to let go. With the anger having dissipated, all that was left was the grief welling inside her and she sobbed.

His arms came up around her, drawing her close, holding her as she shook. While they were still awkward, still unsteady, they were more certain now, having had practice in holding her, comforting her.

He was, after all, a fast learner.

Hange's wide eyes took in the scene in front of her, slightly stunned at the tenderness from her friend. Her own heart was still pounding with adrenaline. She'd been in Levi's office, asking how Isa had been the night before. When they'd both heard Isa's screams, they'd bolted, worried that someone had tried to hurt her.

Her first thought had been Derek having somehow come back. Levi had beat her to Isa's room, the man was just too damn fast. She'd arrived seconds behind and had watched as he'd thrown open the door.

It was clear he'd been at a loss for what to do to calm Isa, so had she. Hange had seen the worry in his eyes, the fear. It matched what had been coursing through herself. She'd never seen Isa so furious and broken. But it was like something had clicked inside Levi, and he'd known that getting her to breathe would calm her.

Even though the fear had stayed ever present in his eyes, his tone had remained hushed and soothing, and Hange was still surprised by it.

She'd seen his sweeter side in the way he'd been holding her that morning when she'd burst into his room looking for Isa.

She'd seen glimpses of it in the way she caught him watching her, when he thought no one was looking.

She'd seen it yesterday, when he'd calmed her before she broke down in front of everyone.

Awareness flickered inside her, as her eyes widened with realization, and she left the two alone, the door shutting gently behind her. Isa was safe, so Hange would come check on her later.

Isa took in a shaky breath, Levi's comforting scent filling her, bringing her a tranquil peace as her sobs quieted.

In that moment, she decided something, determination filling her. She couldn't hide this anymore, too many people had died, and she couldn't just sit around and wait for the next person to fall victim. Doing something, not doing something, either way ran the risk of someone getting hurt.

'Cry or fight?'

She needed his help.

"Levi." She sniffled, breath hitching, throat still sore.

He hummed, a hand coming up to stroke at her hair.

"I…I need you to trust me."

"I do."

She rose up on her toes to whisper in his ear, voice as quiet as she could make it, for fear that whoever was torturing her would hear what she was about to say.

"I have something I need to show you, something I need your help with, but I need you to take me to a place where no one can find us, and to make sure that no one is following us."

He pulled back, confusion in his eyes, but he nodded. "Alright."

She reluctantly pulled out of his arms, and walked over to her now destroyed nightstand, pulling out the other notes she'd gotten. She picked up the most recent note from the floor, hiding them in the inside pocket of her jacket. She wiped at her face as she turned to Levi, nodding.

He grabbed her hand, linking their fingers together, pulling her along. "Stay close to me."

She watched the shift in his demeanor and was immediately reminded of when she'd first seen him. That calculating gaze that took in everything around them.

Is this what he was like in the Underground? I've seen glimpses of this when we're outside the walls, but this is different. It's more focused, more observant than I've ever seen.

She followed him throughout the base as he searched for a room that would provide what she'd requested. Though it wasn't obvious, she knew he was constantly watching around him to make sure no one was following them.

He settled on a room on the third floor that was never used, checking the rooms on either side before entering. Shutting and locking the door, he turned to her, waiting for her to speak.

"You're certain no one was following us."

"Yes."

She took a deep breath, and walked up to him, taking his hand and placing the notes in them.

Her hands started to shake again, and she clasped them together in front of her in an attempt to calm them. She walked over to the window, looking out on the training grounds.

I hope this person doesn't realize what I've done. I won't regret this. I need his help. I can't handle this alone anymore, and maybe he'll be able to help me figure out who this is before the person strikes again.

When she realized he was taking a while to read the notes, she looked back at him, and a thought occurred to when she took in his furrowed brow.

She made her way back over to him, gently placing a hand on his arm. "Levi?"

His gaze shot to hers.

"Do…do you know how to read?" She felt awful for having assumed that he could, when she herself hadn't learned to read until she'd left the Underground.

He looked at her for a long moment, and she worried that she'd offended or upset him. "I do, just slower than most probably."

"If you…if you want my help, I can help you."

He held her gaze again before lifting a hand to ruffle her hair. "One thing at a time. Let's deal with these notes. Someone has it out for you."

She couldn't help it, she was too emotional. Just him acknowledging that fact broke her, and she flung herself at him, wrapping him tight in her arms, begging for him to hold her.

"So you are going to make a habit of this." His arms came up around her.

A pained laugh escaped her. "I'm sorry, I just—"

"Stop apologizing, it's fine."

"Levi…it's just…she…she's…they're both gone, and it's because of whoever is writing these damned notes, and I don't know what to do anymore." Isa's voice broke as she buried her face in his neck. Choked sobs and gasps for air escaped her as she mourned.

"I know. I'm here Isa, whatever way you need." Levi's voice was hushed, a gentle whisper as he repeated words that had been said to him by the same woman who was now broken in his arms. Slowly growing more comfortable in providing support, he drew her closer to him, hand coming up to stroke at her hair.

"I…I never told her I loved her, Levi. Either of them, and now they're gone and they're never going to know." Her lower lip trembled at how she had failed, once again to let those closest to her know just how much they meant to her.

When will I stop being so afraid to share what I feel?

"They knew."

She sniffled. "You think so?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't."

"What am I going to do?"

He pulled back to look at her face, swiping away the tears with his thumbs. "We'll get through this together, I promise."

"Together?"

"Yes. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, and you have Hange too."

His words threatened to break her again. "You're always helping me, Levi. I feel like I've never helped you, yet you're always helping me."

He rolled his eyes. "Idiot, you have helped me." He reached up to gently tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, contrasting the slightest glint of annoyed amusement in his eyes.

"I…I have?"

"Yes." He gently tapped her forehead. "Now stop asking questions you know the answer to."

She didn't know what to say, so she just burrowed her face into his chest again, letting his comforting scent wash over her.

"We're going to figure this out, we'll find out who's writing the notes, but first, we'll have to clean up that mess you made."

"We? You're…you're going to help?"

He pulled back, lightly flicking her forehead, which drew the slightest smile from her. "Someone needs to make sure you do it right. Now let me finish reading these."

She pulled away, wiping at her face, and waited.

Once he'd finished, he looked back at her, and she could see the worry in his eyes, the slightest hint of restrained anger. "Do you want to tell Hange about these?"

"I…I think I should at this point. She needs to know so she can be careful."

"I'll go get her, you just stay here and wait." He handed her the notes and left the room. As she waited, her nerves grew.

What…what if she blames me? What if she hates me and never wants to talk to me again? Our best friend sacrificed herself for me, and she's gone now.

When Levi returned with Hange in tow, Isa was unsure of what to say or do, and was slightly stunned when Hange marched up to her and wrapped her in a fierce hug.

Her eyes welled again. "Hange…I'm…I'm so sorry, Sherri's gone. She sacrificed herself to save me and now she's gone."

Isa could feel Hange's tears landing on her head. "I know Isa, I know."

"You…you don't blame me?"

Hange pulled back. "Isa. I would never blame you."

A few tears trickled down her cheeks. "I thought you would hate me."

Hange stroked at Isa's hair. "I could never hate you. You're my best friend, my sister, and I love you."

Her eyes filled as she pulled Hange back into a hug. She took a deep breath and pushed out the words she always struggled to say. "I…I love you too, Hange." Her voice was quiet, full of relief that her best friend didn't hate her.

Hange pulled back again, a stern look in her eyes that were still filled with tears. "Now, I want you to wipe away any and all thoughts that this was your fault. I'm not allowing you to spend months blaming yourself again. If I have to pull rank and order you to not blame yourself, I will do that."

Her lips quirked up ever so slightly. "Don't worry Hange, if you don't blame me, I won't blame myself."

She pulled away and held out the notes in her hand. "This…this is why I asked Levi to bring you up here."

She watched as Hange's confusion morphed into anger as she read each of the notes. When Hange looked back at Isa, her eyes were stormier than Isa had ever seen.

"Who the fuck is doing this?"

"I…I have no idea. This started back when we first joined. Whoever this person is, killed Lucy, tried to kill Isabel and Furlan, and got Ethel sent out to her death."

Hange's hands came to Isa's shoulders. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I…I was afraid that the person would find out and hurt someone else. It wasn't until today that I realized that doing something, and not doing something, gets me the same results. So I'm choosing to fight back."

Her focus was on Hange, so she didn't see the small, proud smile that came across Levi's face as she admitted that she'd chosen to fight.

"I'm glad you told us, Isa."

"We'll get through this, together, Hange."

Hange gave Isa a final hug, before heading back to her office, wanting to start trying to figure out who the note writer was. Isa and Levi went back to her room so they could start cleaning it up. They made a stop at Levi's office to grab a broom and some small towels, and to wrap up her injured hand from where she'd punched at the wall.

As they cleaned her room, something caught Isa's attention that threatened to break her again. Little shards of glass were laying in a pool of sweet-smelling liquid. As she got closer to it, she caught the scent of chamomile tea and lavender.

Isa realized she'd broken the bottle of fragrance that Ethel had given her. Her hands trembled as she picked up the shards of glass, eyes welling with tears.

"Hey, stop, if you pick those up, you're going to cut yourself."

"I don't care." Her hoarse voice growled, not caring if she hurt herself physically. She was too hurt emotionally to care.

He gently grabbed her wrists. "Hey, look at me."

Her grief-stricken eyes rose to meet his.

His thumbs stroked at her wrists. "What was it?"

Her lip trembled. "A bottle of fragrance that Ethel gave me. It was all I had left of her, and I destroyed it because I'm so stupid."

"So this is why you always smell like tea and lavender."

That took her by surprise. "I…You…you noticed that?"

He rolled his eyes, the corner of his mouth quirking up in amusement. "Well I was bound to with how much you keep hugging me."

She flushed, looking down at her hands. "I'm sorry."

He poked at her forehead. "Stop apologizing, I already told you it's fine. Now stop trying to pick up broken glass and use the broom."

She gave him a small smile. "Alright, Levi."

The week following Ethel and Sherri's deaths was hard on Isa, harder than Lucy, Furlan, and Isabel's death. In the span of a few minutes, she had lost a second mother and a best friend, a sister. She managed to go through training—both regular training and her training with Levi—managed to get through the days, but it was the nights that truly haunted her.

When she didn't have the distraction of training or research to keep her mind occupied, it was a struggle to keep from constantly sobbing.

She felt as if she'd never get rid of this pain inside her, the grief that was constantly present, and the stress from the note writer didn't help in the slightest.

The nightmares had returned full force, so most nights were spent with fitful bouts of sleep in Luna's stall. The images of her parents' deaths, Lucy's deaths, Furlan's, Isabel's, Roger's, Ethel's, Sherri's plagued her sleeping mind.

Based on the last note, Isa feared the person would go for Luna next, so she refused to leave her alone for too long. At night she would usually either sit on the wall, or curl up beside the mare, head resting on her neck.

The first night she'd fallen asleep against Luna's neck, she'd awoken to find Levi sitting in the stall with her, watching over her. She hadn't known what to say, so she'd just stared, forever grateful for him.

After that night, he joined her in Luna's stall, watching over her as she slept. Sometimes she would wake and find him asleep against the wall, and guilt would fill her to see him in such an uncomfortable position. When she'd told him he didn't have to stay, he'd given her a gruff 'it's fine, don't worry about me.'

But she couldn't help but worry.

She was currently sitting in Luna's stall, the sweet mare lay beside her, her head resting in Isa's lap as she stroked soothing circles across her head, between her ears. Isa was worried about when the note writer would strike next. They'd usually waited for an expedition, but Isa feared the person would escalate, and try to catch her when her guard was down.

She didn't know if she could handle losing Luna.

A warm hand on her head pulled her from her thoughts, and she looked up to meet Levi's eyes.

"Come on, I want to show you something." He held out a hand.

She shot a worried glance towards Luna, chewing at her lip. "I…I don't want to leave her alone."

"I brought Eld, he'll sit with her. Come on, trust me."

She hadn't noticed the blond-haired man standing beside Levi. She was unsure how she'd missed him considering how the man towered over Levi.

Her eyes welled. She lifted the mare's head off her lap so she could slide out from underneath her. She took Levi's hand, and he gently pulled her up. She looked at Eld, and unable to control herself, wrapped him in a fierce hug. "Thank you." She whispered as a couple of tears escaped her eyes.

He seemed startled but wrapped an arm around her shoulders and stroked at her hair. "No problem."

The scene should have been comical, considering how the man towered over Isa, but if anything, it was sweet at how easily he returned her hug.

She pulled back, slightly embarrassed, but grateful, nonetheless.

She grabbed her satchel followed Levi out of the stables. "Where are we going?"

"No questions. Just trust me."

A ghost of a smile crossed her lips when he gave her the same instructions she'd given him on his birthday.

"I do."

"Good. Now, come on."

They walked, and it didn't take long for her to realize where they were going, and her suspicions were confirmed when they arrived at the Scouts cemetery.

She froze, grief-stricken eyes darting to Levi when he turned to face her. "I…I don't know if I'm ready for this, I…I don't know if I'm ready to say goodbye to Sherri."

"I'm right here. I told you before we'd get through this together." He held out his hand and waited patiently.

'Take a breath.'

She swallowed thickly, before forcing herself to take a deep breath. She reached out tentatively to take his hand. When her hand trembled ever so lightly in his as they walked, he gave it a light, comforting squeeze that managed to soothe her.

He led her through the headstones, before finally stopping.

When she looked down, had it not been for his hand on hers, giving her strength, she would have collapsed to the ground.

In front of her, sat a headstone with the name Ethel Windsor on it.

Her eyes filled as she turned to face him, a lone tear trickling down her cheek. "H-how?"

He shrugged. "You mentioned before she had a son, so it wasn't too hard to find him. I spoke with Erwin and he agreed to have a headstone for her placed here, next to her son."

"You…you did this?" Her voice was awe-struck at the sweet act from the man.

He…he…walls how I love this man. He can be incredibly sweet and kind, and people don't realize that, or maybe, they choose not to, and just see what they want to see.

He scratched awkwardly at the back of his head, clearly uncomfortable by the gratitude filling her eyes.

She threw her arms around him as more tears trickled down her cheeks. His came up around her, gradually growing more and more adjusted to the act.

She held him for a few moments, just relishing in his warmth before pulling back, wiping at the tears on her cheeks as she sat on the ground.

Ethel…you have a place here…you can rest with your son now. I…I never would have thought this would be possible.

She looked at the flowers that were laying in front of the headstone, and her eyes welled even more.

The long green stems each held five or so beautiful, funnel shaped flowers in an array of purples, pinks, peaches. Some were solid colors, others only held color at the ends of the petals and faded into a white center. Long, thin yellow tubes holding the flower's nectar sat in the center.

A trembling hand came up to her mouth as she turned to Levi, tears spilling over once more. "Levi…they're…they're perfect."

He sat next to her, clearly still uncomfortable with her gratitude and unsure of how to handle it. Isa didn't care, because that was one of the things that made Levi, Levi, and she wouldn't change him for anything.

He laid a light hand on her head before speaking. "Tell me what happened."

She swallowed thickly and had to take a few breaths. Swiping at the tears on her cheeks, she spoke. She explained how they'd managed to make it through the giant horde surrounding the gate, how they took down that first group of titans. She told him how everything went to shit once they'd reached that grove of trees and how all the civilians had fled except for Roger and Ethel. How Roger had saved Ethel from a titan only to meet his own demise.

When she got to the part where she'd been trying to make it to Ethel and her breath and words began to catch in her throat, Levi moved his hand down to her shoulder, drawing her close as he had the night of her birthday.

She buried her face in his shoulder as she trembled, hot tears spilling down her face. Face pressed against him, she took in a deep breath, and the comfort of the smell that was inexplicably Levi, calmed her enough to continue.

"I turned, and another titan I hadn't seen came out of the trees, and I…I was too far away. I tried to get to her in time, and just like with Lucy, I almost did. I was practically on its nape when the titan threw Ethel in its mouth. I lost it. I'd never felt rage like that before, and it took over me and I went after titan after titan. I was using too much gas, but I didn't care. And when I ran out, I didn't care either as I started falling."

His arm tightened around her ever so slightly at the admission.

"Sherri, she came out of nowhere, I didn't even know she'd returned, and she shoved me out of the way of a titan's grasp, only in doing so, she got grabbed instead. When I landed on the ground and looked up…I saw her get ripped apart Levi. The titan ripped her in half before it shoved her into its mouth. After that, I fled." Her voice broke as more hot tears escaped. She buried her face into him again, seeking that comfort she could only get from him.

I…I promised him that I wouldn't do anything stupid when we were out there, and I wanted to give up. In that moment, I wanted to give up.

She pulled back to look at him, eyes full of shame and grief. "Levi, I'm sorry. I…I think I broke my promise to you out there. I promised you that I wouldn't do anything stupid, and in that moment after Ethel died, I didn't care if I died. All I wanted was to destroy as many titans as possible. I'm…I'm so sorry, Levi. I'll never forgive myself for that."

"Don't say stupid shit like that." He sounded unimpressed by her apology.

She blinked at him.

He sighed, giving her forehead a light poke. "If you had wanted to give up, if you had truly wanted to die, then you wouldn't have gotten up to fight those titans. You would have sat there and let them eat you. But you didn't. You fought."

"But—"

"Did you get taken over by anger in the moment? Yes. But you didn't give up. Even after Sherri saved you, you got back up and came back to m-us."

And she realized that there was truth to his words. If she had truly wanted to give up, then she wouldn't have fought.

I…I fought because of you Levi. Somehow, your words gave me the strength I needed to keep going.

She wiped at the tears on her cheeks. "You're…you're right, Levi. I…I hadn't thought of it that way."

"Don't sound so surprised."

A small smile played across her lips. "Always the modest one."

One side of his mouth quirked up in amusement. "Always the pain in the ass."

Her smile widened ever so slightly, and her voice grew peaceful, affectionate. "Better than being the grouchy ass."

When the smallest chuckle escaped him, her eyes widened in awe. She'd never heard him laugh before, and her heart stuttered at the sound.

I…I made him laugh. Even if it was a small one…I…I did that.

In that moment, with his words, with all he'd done for her, and the fact that she had made him laugh, she knew that if she hadn't already been in love with him, she would have fallen hard for him. If anything, her love for him grew stronger.

Realizing she still had something else she needed to do, she pulled away and reached into her satchel, pulling out her journal and a quill. She flipped to a clean page and began to write.

Ethel,

My dear Ethel.

I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to protect you out there. I wish that you hadn't been forced to leave these walls that way. You didn't deserve that.

You were like a mother to me, a grandmother, but honestly, for me, the label never mattered. In the short time I knew you, you became my family.

Even though you and Sherri are gone now, I'm not alone. I have Levi, I have Hange, and I have Uma. I don't know if I should have forgiven her for what she did, but when I came across her, broken about her mother's death, I couldn't abandon her. I never got the chance to tell you about any of that.

I want to thank you for all your words of wisdom, all the time you spent with me. You helped me, more than I'm capable of saying.

I never got to say this, but I love you, Ethel. I'm so sorry I never said it before. Levi tells me that you knew, and he's most likely right, but I still wished that I had said it to you. But I won't let that eat away at me. I'm not going to blame myself for your death, or for Sherri's. I don't want to go down that path again.

It wasn't my fault. I did my best, and like you said, that's all that can ever be asked of us.

I love you, Ethel. I'll never forget you.

Love,

Isa

Just as she'd done in the past, she dug a small hole in the ground in front of Ethel's headstone, burying the note.

She sat back beside Levi, and a warmth washed through her as he drew her close once more. She let her head take its place against his shoulder, listening to the muffled sound of his heartbeat.

As they sat there, beside the grave of the woman Isa had loved so dearly, her head resting against Levi's shoulder, his arm around her, she could feel herself slowly start to heal. She knew that so long as he was by her side, even if it was only as a friend, she could get through anything.

She tilted her head up to look at him, admiring the way the wind rustled through his hair. When he turned his head to meet her eyes, her heart fluttered ever so slightly.

Her hand reached up to stroke at his cheek, wanting to show how grateful she was for all he'd done for her. "Thank you, Levi."

His only answer was to rest his forehead on top of hers, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched the grief slowly start to fade from her golden brown eyes, the warmth in them slowly coming back. Even though it was still present, he could see the despair had lessened. Hesitating ever so slightly, he lifted his free hand to lay gently against the side of her head, thumb stroking lightly at her cheek.

Her heart fluttered at the feel of his hand against her face as his eyes watched hers. It made her feel both weak and strong at the same time. Weak for him, but with it, he brought a strength to her that she only ever felt around him. He made her feel safe, protected, to where she felt she could take on any obstacle in her path. She thought she had felt strong that day when she had let anger from the note consume her, but the strength that had come with that rage was nothing compared to what she felt with him.

She moved her hand off his face to rest on his hand, stroking it ever so lightly, the heat of his hand sending a gentle warmth throughout her.

The grief was still there, but with time, she knew she would heal. Despite the pain of fresh loss, she knew she would be forever grateful for knowing Ethel and Sherri, the same way she was grateful for having met Lucy, Isabel, and Furlan. She would never regret her time with them. Her friends had brought her the love and happiness that she'd longed for but had never believed she could have.

And even with the loss, she knew she wasn't alone. She had Uma, she had Hange, and she had Levi, and for her, that was enough. She wouldn't let the pain keep her from living life, from cherishing the time she had with the ones she loved. She knew she would always miss the ones she'd lost. She knew losing them would always hurt, but she knew she wasn't alone.

And for her, that simple thought was all she needed. She knew that there would be days where it would be hard to keep going, but she knew that she could rely on the strength of her friends to hold her up, just as they could rely on her.

Her eyes fluttered closed in quiet contentment, a small smile crossing over her lips as she let his comforting smell and the warmth of his body wash over her, heart swelling with her love for him.

'Are you going to cry, or are you going to fight?'

Fight Levi, I'm going to choose to fight.

When she thought she felt a butterfly land on her forehead, she didn't dare move, in fear of scaring it, and when it fluttered away, it left behind a tingling sensation.

Her eyes opened once more to see that he was still watching her with those mesmerizing eyes. Her smile grew warmer at the sight, as her body filled with love.

I love you, Levi.

A/N: I just realized that the formatting in my chapters might have been off. I'm new to publishing on FF, and didn't realize that my formatting for certain parts and lines was getting changed. I'm so sorry about that, and I'm going to work to get that fixed.

In any case, thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought, if you want.