The month following Isa's kidnapping was spent in preparation for the upcoming expedition.

Uma, like Derek, had been handed over to the custody of the Military Police. Isa had been told that she would most likely have a trial at some point, though it had yet to be determined when.

In that time, Hange had added two new members to her squad, Keiji and Nifa, replacing Sherri and Uma.

Isa got along with Nifa, who was on the quieter side, but friendly enough. She had dark straight hair that she kept short, and much to Isa's dismay, Nifa was yet another person who was taller than her, and just a touch taller than Levi. The two had grown closer as they often got together outside of training with Hange and Nanaba to talk about anything. Titan theories. Training. Dreams. Men.

She'd also managed to grow close to Nanaba, who had a calm demeanor, though Isa had learned she could be a bit on the playful, teasing side.

Isa was grateful to have been able to make some new friends, though she missed Sherri and Lucy, all their times together. Furlan and Isabel, two of the best people she'd ever known.

And then Ethel, her sweet Ethel. There were some nights where she longed for a hug from the old woman, and sometimes, she could have sworn her comforting smell was surrounding her. She missed her trips to Trost to visit the older woman to just sit and drink tea, talking about anything.

There were some nights where she sat on the roof and just remembered all her times with her friends, and hoped they were in a better place, hoped they were happier. She wasn't sure what came after death, if anything came, but hoped that if there was something, they were happy.

Keiji was also friendly, if not a bit on the blunt side, and a touch impatient. Isa had noticed that he also had a bit of a temper that would often trigger her own if she didn't watch herself.

She did appreciate that he didn't seem to get along with Mark, and the two often clashed. They tolerated each other during training, but outside training, there had been times where the two had come to near blows, and if it hadn't been for Levi or Hange, the two would have fought.

In the time since the attack, Isa had gotten her first letter from Armin, and she'd been excited to hear from the sweet child, though she'd been worried when he'd told her of his intentions to join the Military with his friends.

She didn't doubt him in any way or consider him incapable. He was incredibly smart, ridiculously perceptive, but she feared he'd struggle with the physical component of training. She had hope that he'd make it through, but that didn't mean she didn't worry.

The night before the expedition, she walked up to the roof to sit, taking her sketchbook with her as she usually did when there were too many thoughts in her mind.

Her relationship with Levi had remained the same. When they sat together, he wrapped his arm around her more, letting her lean her head up against him but it wasn't enough.

She wanted more.

More everything.

She wanted him to hold her like he had the night Ethel had died, like the night Uma had kidnapped her, as if she were the most important thing in his life and he needed to hold her close more than he needed his next breath.

That's what it had felt like, but she was still uncertain if she'd read him right.

She remembered how she hadn't even finished speaking before he'd grabbed her and held her close.

The way he'd been trembling ever so lightly, as if a mixture of fear and relief were raging a battle within him.

The way he'd clutched at her shirt, as if he were afraid she'd float away if he didn't tether her close.

The way he'd wrapped his arms tight around her, buried his face in her neck, as if he needed to breathe her in the way she did with him.

The way he'd cradled her head, and leaned his on hers, as if he'd needed to have multiple points of contact with her.

The way he'd kissed her forehead.

The way his eyes had been lit with a warmth she'd never seen from him before. She didn't know what that look had been. No one had ever looked at her like that before, no one had ever held her like that before.

The way he'd carried her to his bed just so he could keep holding her.

The problem was, was that she still didn't know if any of that had been because he'd wanted to or because he'd thought it's what she needed.

One part of her, the optimistic part, the one that dared to hope and dream that he did want more, said he'd wanted to, that he wanted her and more, just as she did, and that she was being an idiot for doubting it.

But the other part, the dark part riddled with self-doubt, the one that had a firm hold over all her actions, told her that he'd been worried about her as a friend, the way he would have been with Furlan or Isabel, and that he'd only held her because he'd thought it had been what she'd wanted…what she'd needed.

She wanted to hold him close whenever she wanted, and not just during moments of pain. She wanted to kiss him, touch him, just be with him, in every sense of the word.

She wanted to sleep next to him at night, falling asleep next to his comforting presence, his comforting scent.

Her desire for him had not lessened, if anything, those experiences had left her aching for him. There were nights where she would wake with a fierce ache that she'd have no choice but to relieve if she wanted any hope of sleep.

She was terrified she'd missed her chance and she hated that her insecurities controlled her.

She didn't know how to rid herself of them.

In the past, Hange had tried to help her, but each time she even considered believing her friend, anytime she came close to reaching clarity and freedom from the thoughts that plagued her, those damn words reared their ugly heads, dragging her back down into the darkness of insecurity, their tentacles wrapped tightly around her, refusing to let her go.

The ones that told her how plain she was, how boring she was.

The ones that told her no one would ever want her.

The ones that told her that she was pathetic, unlovable, undesirable, that she'd be a disappointment, that she'd mess something up.

She wanted out, out of this agony of constant self-doubt. That brief taste of pure confidence she'd felt when fighting Uma had been one of the most addicting feelings she'd ever felt, and she'd been able to hold onto it when it came to her skills as a Scout, but she hadn't been able to figure out how to transfer it to other parts of her life.

She wanted more of that feeling. More of it, so that maybe she could finally take that damn risk and listen to her friends who kept telling her that Levi wanted her too. But she didn't know how to get it back.

It had felt as if she could conquer all the titans on her own, it had felt as if she were capable of anything.

But then later that night, in those moments where she'd thought he might, and she'd been so close to acting, so close to just taking that damn risk, those thoughts came back with a vengeance telling her she was wrong, that she was misreading him, that he was only helping her and holding her because he saw her as a good friend.

The thoughts had told her that even if he did want her, she'd only disappoint him and she'd end up not being what he wanted.

She wasn't even sure where the confidence during that fight had come from, it had just crashed over her in a wave, giving her a strength she hadn't felt before.

What is that made me feel so confident? When did it start?

Was it when I told Uma it was her fault her mother died?

No. It was before that. That's when it started to surge, when it completely took over me and guided all of my movements.

Was...was it when I told her I wasn't the weak fighter I used to be?

She remembered feeling something bubbling up inside her that had grown as she'd told herself that she would win, that she would see Levi and Hange again. It had filled her with determination, one she'd never felt before.

But how do I get that to spill over into other parts of my life?

She tried it then, tried telling herself that she wasn't plain or boring, but nothing came of it. She wondered if it maybe had to be done in the moment when she was feeling insecure about herself.

But then her next worries came to mind, the ones that wondered why he hadn't made a move if he did want her.

If he does want more with me, why hasn't he done something? Does he…does he not want to want me?

She groaned at the new thought.

Walls, just when I think I couldn't possibly come up with something else, my mind creates a new fear.

We've now gone from "he doesn't want me" to "if he does want me, he doesn't want to want me"?

How do I know who to listen to? Most people tell me he does, but then that one thought from Uma keeps holding me back. Just the sheer possibility that she's right and everyone else is wrong is terrifying.

How do I get these thoughts to stop?

Sighing, she forced her mind to shift from her conflicting, confusing thoughts of her relationship with Levi, to an even bigger problem that she didn't know how to begin to solve.

Her thoughts floated over to the two titans that had breached Wall Maria, the ones named the Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan.

She wanted to know where those titans came from and how they disappeared. She wanted to know why no one was asking questions. The government had given their report on what happened and that was it. No investigation, no questions, nothing.

The reports they've given us tell us that the one called the Colossal Titan appeared first, kicking down the outer gate of Shiganshina.

But where did it come from? If the titan was larger than the wall, surely we would have come across it at some point while outside the walls.

And where the hell did it go?

How does a titan just appear and disappear?

And then the other one. The Armored Titan. Same thing, it showed up out of nowhere, destroyed the inner gate, and then it was gone.

I wish I could have seen the two, to see if maybe I could have gotten a better sense of them. Reading someone else's account versus seeing it for yourself are two different things.

These were all questions that had been brought up in meetings with Hange, but they were no closer to any answers. Isa wasn't sure what to believe and how much to believe of the reports. There was too much ambiguity, so much they didn't know that the reports didn't cover.

One thing that truly bothered her, was that the Scouts had been sent out the exact day those titans had appeared, and they'd suffered a strong loss. And it hadn't been until they'd left Shiganshina that the breach had happened.

It made her wonder if someone within the walls had known of the coming attack, and had sent out the one branch with the most experience to a section of land riddled with abnormal titans, weakening them as they lost too many members.

She also wasn't sure how the hell all those titans came out of nowhere. She knew the outer districts were there as a lure for titans, but even still, from the sound of it, there had been more titans entering the district than normal.

Was something drawing the titans there? How is that even possible?

Why do I have more questions than answers?

She thought back to Erwin's question in their meeting.

Who do you think the real enemy is?

To Isa, it depended on perspective. For the Scouts, it was either the titans, or the nobles and the royal government who controlled their funding. Less funding meant less resources for the Scouts.

She knew that the majority of the people within the walls hated this branch, they thought it was a waste of time, money, effort.

She wondered if they had always thought that, or if something had planted that seed within the minds of some, allowing it to grow and fester until the vast majority of citizens thought the same.

She just didn't understand why they had done that.

Could it be that they don't want us to figure out more and that's why we're always given problems about leaving the walls?

But if that were the case, why let us leave at all?

What is it that they don't want us to find out?

She paused from her sketch to place her hands on her temples, groaning out loud at the endless possibilities.

The sound of quiet footsteps behind her pulled her from her thoughts, and she turned her head to see Levi walking up to her.

She closed her sketchbook, setting it beside her. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

"You know I don't rest." He sat beside her.

"True, that's why you always have that surly face that your fans adore so much. It gives you this mysterious edge that draws them in." She shivered as a cool breeze moved through the air across her, wishing she'd thought to bring her jacket.

Without a word, Levi pulled off his jacket, setting it gently on Isa's shoulders. She wrapped it tight around her, relishing in the lingering warmth and Levi's comforting smell.

"What were you thinking about?"

She leaned her head against his shoulder and couldn't stop the content smile when he draped his arm around her. Despite her wish for more, she still relished in the feel of him holding her, even a simple one such as this. "Those two titans that brought down Wall Maria and wondering what Erwin meant about who the real enemy is. Just trying to make sense of it all."

"What are your thoughts?"

Her brows furrowed as she tried to make sense of all her fumbling thoughts. "I'm honestly not sure. I just think it's odd that those two titans appeared out of nowhere and then just disappeared. I don't understand how that happens."

She tilted her head back to look up at Levi. "I feel like there are things we aren't being told and I don't like it. I don't like that we go out there without knowing the whole story, and it feels as if they're setting us up for failure."

He looked down at her, his own brows knit together as he took in her words. "If it feels that way, it's probably because they are."

She looked ahead of her again, out at the stars in the sky. "Yea, but I want to know why. I think it has more to do with them just hating our branch. There are things that we don't know, and I don't like it."

They sat in silence, and she enjoyed the muted thump of his heartbeat in her ear as she looked out at the stars, a reminder of all her lost friends. She didn't know what it was about the sound of his heart that was so soothing, so comforting.

"Hey Levi, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

She tilted her head up again to look at him, enjoying the way the moonlight cast shadows across his face. "Can…can you tell me something about your life before?"

He turned his head to meet her eyes. "What do you want to know?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Whatever you feel comfortable telling me. You know I'm not going to pressure you to tell me something if you don't want to."

He turned back to face ahead. "I'm not sure why you want to know. I wasn't exactly the best person down there."

She thought he sounded as if he wasn't proud of what he'd done before.

She raised her hand to his face, gently bringing his gaze back to hers. "Levi, I've told you before, I'm not going to judge you for what you had to do to survive down there. I never judged you for what you had to do to get to the surface."

She let her thumb brush gently across his cheek. "I may not have been there long enough to have to fight for survival, but I remember enough to know that life isn't easy down there, and you do what you need to do to make it, no matter what."

He turned his head back but let the side of his head rest on top of hers.

Knowing he'd tell her if he wanted to, she took his hand in hers and started tracing light patterns across it.

"Fine. But then I get to ask you something."

That took her by surprise. "You want to know more about me?"

He kept his head resting on hers as he reached up to poke at her forehead. "Stop asking questions you know the answer to. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

She smirked. "Such an ass, but fine, I accept your orders, Captain ."

"Smartass."

She chuckled. "Oh, is that your new name for me?"

"Do you want to hear this or not?" Despite the blunt question, she could hear the gentle amusement in his voice.

She kept quiet and just kept stroking gently at his hand, and her heart fluttered when he linked his fingers with hers, wrapping them in the warmth of his.

He told her of this one time where he, Furlan, and Isabel had been eating inside a tavern, and the owner had called for a challenger to arm-wrestle. The owner had promised the winner anything in the tavern, even his wife.

Isa couldn't help the warm laugh that escaped her when he told her he'd won and had just wanted some rare tea leaves, but the owner had actually thought he was going to take his wife.

"Well, that's what he gets for assuming that just because someone is small that means they're weak. Bet he never made that mistake again."

"Probably not." She could practically see the half smile that was probably on his face in that moment, the one where the corner of his mouth quirked up as if he were trying to stop the smile from forming.

She nudged him gently with her shoulder. "You and your damn tea. I bet there isn't anything you wouldn't do for a good cup of tea."

She giggled when he flicked her forehead. "Don't act as if you're any better."

"Okay, fair enough. So, what do you want to know about me?"

He turned his head back to look down at her, and she tilted hers to meet his eyes.

He watched her for a moment, as if unsure if he should ask the question he wanted to ask. "That scar on your arm, where did you get it?" His voice was hushed and curious, encouraging her to answer.

Her eyes widened as her jaw dropped.

I hadn't even realized he'd noticed it.

Then again…he has seen me naked, so maybe I shouldn't be surprised he noticed that.

She blew out a breath and gave a nervous chuckle. "I wasn't expecting that question."

A hesitant hand reached up to tuck some loose hair behind her ears, thumb brushing lightly across her cheek. "You don't have to answer, if you don't want to."

She swallowed thickly at the act, caught in his eyes. "It's okay, I don't mind. I trust you with these things, just caught me by surprise." Her voice sounded breathless to her, as if she'd been running for hours.

How is it that I have that sort of reaction from the simplest of acts?

She took a deep breath before continuing, looking back out across the land in front of them, enjoying the coolness of the night. "So you know I was basically locked into their house all my life. I only got to leave once, and after that time, it took them three years before they let me out again. They said it was my punishment for misbehaving."

When he laid his hand on top of hers, offering silent comfort, she let her hand turn over to link her fingers with his. "I stayed there for years too afraid to leave. I had nowhere to go." Her voice grew sad at how many years of her life had been wasted, stuck in the same place where she was unwanted.

She chuckled humorlessly as she shrugged her shoulders. "Where is an orphaned teenager going to go? I probably would have died on the streets."

She was comforted when Levi gave her shoulder a light squeeze.

She thought back to the moment where she'd finally decided to escape. She looked back up at Levi, into those eyes that she could never tire of watching. "When I was sixteen, I remembered the Scouts, how free they were, just because they could leave the walls and go out there. I decided in the moment that I would escape and join."

Her voice grew dreamy at what she'd felt, her eyes gaining a far-off look as they lost focus on Levi's face. She'd felt excited, thrilled, elated at the thought of being free. "After being caged in all my life, I dreamed of going outside the walls, of experiencing that freedom, of being able to do more, see more, be more."

She looked down at her arm, using the hand he wasn't holding to trace lightly across the scar. "So, one night I escaped out my window using a tree that was just outside of it. It was high up, and I was trying to climb down the trunk, except, I slipped, and as I fell, my arm scraped down the side of the tree, and now I have this ugly scar on my arm for the rest of my life."

She couldn't help but wonder why it is she'd even been able to escape. "I'm honestly surprised they never thought to cut down the tree. I guess they never thought I'd try to escape."

His gaze moved to her arm, moving his own hand from hers so that he could lightly brush across the scar with his fingertips. "So they don't know you're alive?"

A shiver ran down her spine at the touch of his calloused fingers running across her alabaster skin. "They know. They came to see me once during training, demanding I returned. I'm not sure how they managed to find me, but they did."

"What did you tell them?" He kept tracing his fingers along the scar.

She had to hold back another shiver as she cleared her throat. She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to feel that roughened skin on other parts of her. "I told them that I refused to come back, and that there was nothing they could do to stop me. All my years there didn't go to waste. I have a lot of dirt on them that would ruin their social standing in Mitras. They'd never recover from it. So they've left me alone since then."

"What do you have on them?"

She huffed. "The usual rich people bullshit. Husband has affairs and goes to brothels. She has a love of the drink because of it. They have a side business dealing drugs. I'm sure plenty of families in Mitras deal with the same shit, but they wouldn't hesitate to latch on and ridicule someone else for it."

"Typical rich people shit." He sounded impressed at how she'd handled the situation.

She looked back up at him and swallowed when she saw how intently he was watching her, the amusement in his eyes overcast by something else she didn't recognize. "Exactly."

"Scars aren't ugly."

She blinked at him. "What do you mean?"

"Scars are a sign that you've fought back against the things in life."

He looked down as he tapped the scar on the inside of her forearm. "That says you fought to escape Mitras." His hand brushed across the other scar currently covered by his jacket. "This says that you fought for your life against a person you once considered a friend. Scars you got outside the walls mean that you survived another expedition because you fought."

He brought his gaze to her, and she could see the seriousness in his eyes. "Don't let me hear you say something like that again, because it's not true."

She couldn't stop the smirk from forming on her lips. "That's rather poetic, Levi."

His lips twitched in humor at her teasing tone as he gave her forehead a flick. "Smartass."

She giggled. "So that is your new name for me."

"Pain in the ass."

"Okay, grouchy ass, but I guess that's a fair point. I hadn't thought of it that way."

He shrugged. "Sometimes you just need an outsider's perspective to make things clearer."

"Aren't we feeling extra wise today."

He gave her a bland look.

Knowing he'd most likely had his fill of conversation for the night, she let herself snuggle closer to his side, enjoying the warmth from his body as his arm stayed draped across her shoulders, his head moving to rest on hers.

The following day, the Scouts returned from their failed mission, and everyone's faces were grim.

The mission had started out fine, as most do, but as Isa had been riding alongside Nifa, she'd seen a purple flare coming from the location where Levi's squad was.

She remembered the sheer panic she'd felt at the realization that the emergency flare had come from Levi's location.

She hadn't hesitated to turn Luna to head in the direction of the flare, Nifa close behind. When she'd arrived, she saw his squad had been surrounded by maybe seven or so titans, and one of his members, a man she didn't know the name of, had been in the clutches of a titan.

Levi had apparently taken Gunther to check further inside the forest they'd been in, leaving behind Eld and the three new members.

She'd leapt off Luna in an attempt to save him but had been too late and the titan had thrown him into its mouth just as she was slicing the nape. A situation she was all too familiar with.

She and Nifa had helped clear out the rest, but not before the titans had taken two more of Levi's members.

She remembered he'd been hesitant about adding new members, having only recruited Gunther and Eld. There wasn't much a squad could do with only three members, so he'd finally selected three more, and had now lost them on their first expedition as part of his squad.

As she settled Luna into her stall, Isa watched as Levi left the stables without a word, not even a glance in her direction. She could tell he was suffering. Since she always took longer in taking care of Luna, he normally would come and stand outside her stall.

This was the first time he'd lost any members since becoming Captain, so she knew this must be hitting him hard. She was certain he was remembering a certain expedition where he'd lost two of the most important people in his life.

She made a decision, she'd take care of Luna, check on his horse, clean herself up, and then go to him. For the night, she'd ignore her insecurities, her fears, her worries. If they came to mind, she'd push them to the side and focus on helping him.

Regardless of her feelings for Levi, her desires, how in love with him she was, he was first and foremost, one of her best friends. And right now, her best friend was hurting. She'd made a promise to him to be there for him, however he needed, and she would always keep that promise.

You're always there for me Levi, now it's my turn. I'm here for you, however you need.

She brushed down Luna's fur, gently praising her for her work outside the walls, telling the mare she loved her. They had a routine at this point, and she knew the mare loved every second with Isa, just as she did with Luna.

Once she was settled, she gave her sweet horse a sugar cube to munch on before giving her a final stroke on her velvety muzzle.

She made her way over to Spartan's stall to give his muzzle a rub. She thought he looked a little...sad. She'd always believed that horses can sense their rider's emotions, so she imagined he was worried about Levi.

She let her hands lay on either side of his head, guiding him to meet her eyes. "It's okay boy, I'm worried about him too. I'm going to take care of him, like he's done for me. Don't you worry."

He gave a quiet nicker in response. She fed him a sugar cube and gave his silky muzzle a sweet kiss, offering up what little comfort she could.

She made quick work of cleaning herself up and changing into comfortable clothes she used for sleeping, before making her way to Levi's office.

Like she had the night Uma kidnapped her, she simply opened the door and walked into his office. As she entered, she saw him standing by the window, arms crossed, and she could see the tension in his shoulders, could practically feel it emanating from his body in waves.

She walked slowly to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Levi, it's me, I'm here."

"I'm fine."

She could tell he wasn't fine. She heard the slightest waver in his voice, that told her he was anything but.

Moving her hand to his arm, she gave it a tug, turning him gently to face her. The fact that he didn't resist told her just how much he was hurting and how hard he was trying to hide it.

She watched as he tried to avoid her gaze, so she gently cupped his face in her palms, forcing him to look at her. Her heart broke at the pain, the sorrow, the sheer devastation swimming in his eyes.

Something compelled her to bring his forehead down to hers, so that all his focus was directly on her eyes. "Levi, you don't have to hold it in all the time. It's okay to break, I'm here for you, just like you're always here for me." She stroked lightly at his cheek.

As she stood there holding his face, thumbs brushing across the soft skin, she watched his eyes, so broken. She ignored the fluttering that always came whenever she stared into those blue orbs that always felt as if they could see straight inside her.

She hated seeing him so broken, so upset. Like she'd thought that night after Uma kidnapped her, sad just wasn't right for him. The man was a lot of things, but seeing him look like a kicked puppy had her heart clenching in sorrow.

Her gentle patience must have spurred him to act, because he slowly raised his arms to wrap themselves around her, drawing her close, as he let his head rest in the crook of her neck.

She didn't resist when he gently pulled her closer, one hand wrapping around to lay at her waist, the other up and across her back to lay at her shoulder, like he had the night Uma had kidnapped her.

She moved her own arms to wrap around his neck, and she could feel his shaky breaths tickling against hers. She stroked the silky strands of hair and a smile crossed her face when a content sigh escaped him.

She lost track of how long she held him, but she was just grateful that he was taking the comfort she was offering him. This would never have happened when they'd first met, and he'd resisted when she'd tried to help him after Furlan and Isabel had died. She'd had to tell him it's okay to lean on someone . This time, he'd taken her support with next to no hesitancy.

He pulled back, bringing his own hands to cup gently around her face, thumbs stroking lightly at her cheeks, as he stared into her eyes, searching. For what, she didn't know.

He leaned in to place a gentle kiss on her forehead before resting his forehead onto hers. "Thank you."

She wasn't satisfied, she knew he needed more time to grieve. She could still see those blue orbs were full of sadness and loss, and she would not rest until she'd done everything in her power to ease that grief, even if only a little.

We're not done yet, Levi. You're going to take some time to grieve, whether you like it or not. I'm not going to let you just push it to the side.

Ignoring the rush of warmth that had come with the kiss on her forehead, she reached up to take his hand in hers, gently pulling as she stepped back in an attempt to guide him to his bedroom. "Come on, you need some rest."

He resisted, standing in place. "I have papers I need to fill out."

She ignored the sudden change in tone from soft to gruff, knowing he was still trying to keep it together. "That can wait, Levi, right now, you need to rest." She kept her voice soothing but also firm, telling him there was no room for arguments. She brought her other hand back up to his face, bringing his attention to her. "Do you trust me?"

His grief-stricken eyes held steady on hers. "You know I do."

She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, a silent reminder that she was there for him. "Then trust me to take care of you, Levi. You don't have to go through this alone."

This time when she pulled, he followed, and she led him to his bed, guiding him to sit. She took a quiet breath, pushing past the nerves. The previous times, he'd been the one to bring her here.

This time, she would be the one providing comfort, the one holding him, the one taking care of him.

She reminded herself again that before anything else, he was her best friend, and she refused to let him suffer and grieve alone.

That thought alone helped calm the nerves as she knelt at his feet, gently removing his shoes.

She stood and cupped his face into her hands, pulling his gaze back to hers. "Do you want me to stay, or do you want me to go?" Even though she'd prefer he not have to suffer alone, if he truly didn't want her to be there and wanted to be alone, she wouldn't force him, though she knew from personal experience, grieving was easier with someone there as support.

His hands came up to encircle her wrists, his eyes once again, searching hers. "Stay." His voice was hushed, an almost imperceptible, broken whisper.

She brushed aside the bangs on his forehead, placing a tender kiss on it—missing the way his breath hitched—before pushing him to lie back on the bed.

She knew he preferred to sleep in his uniform, so that he could be ready at a moment's notice, so she wouldn't pressure him to change. She didn't want to push him any further. She just needed to get him to lie down, and she'd hold him, for as long as he needed, just as he'd done for her so many times before.

She lay down beside him, drawing the covers over the two of them, and then just pulled him into her arms, cradling his head on her shoulder. One of his arms was underneath her, curling around to hold her arm, and his other hand lay gently at her waist.

"You don't have to talk, Levi. It's okay, I'm here however you need me, and if you need me to just hold you, then I'll do that. If you need me to listen, I'll do that too."

She lost track of how long she held him. At some point she'd let her cheek rest on top of his head, her hand on his shoulder, thumb rubbing soothing circles as she did with Luna.

She knew from experience that just being held by someone could be enough to ease the sorrow and pain of loss.

She was taken back to that night when Ethel had died, the gentleness of Levi's touch, his hesitancy in holding her, not because he hadn't wanted to, but because he hadn't been sure how. He'd held her throughout the night, and just that simple act had done wonders in helping her take those first steps out of grief.

She knew words weren't always enough. A person could say anything, but not mean it. Besides, words to a grieving person could sometimes fall flat.

She knew Levi well enough at this point that he preferred actions over words. What a person did showed more about their character than the words they said.

"I couldn't protect them, Isa." His whispered words broke her from her thoughts, and she almost thought she'd imagined him speaking.

But he had, and her heart broke for him.

She knew he wasn't just talking about his squad members he'd lost today. He was talking about Furlan. About Isabel. Maybe even his mother.

She stroked gently at his hair, running her fingers through the sleek, silky strands. "Shh, it's okay, Levi. You don't have to protect everyone. You're one person."

"But they trusted me to."

She pulled him in tighter when she heard his voice crack ever so slightly, stroking lightly at his back.

"You're one man, Levi. No one expects you to be able to protect everyone. These things happen, we all know this, and it's what we signed up for."

When she felt hot silent tears land on her neck, her heart broke further for him. She wasn't surprised for him to be the type to cry silently, but she knew he needed to get this out. And she'd hold him for as long as he needed.

As much as she liked to tease him about the attention from his adoring fans, she truly hated the public's perception on him. They either glorified him and his abilities or they thought he was some cold, callous, unfeeling person, or both. Those same people who worshipped him were often the ones who would turn on him the minute something went wrong.

She realized that this may be another reason why Levi distrusted words, and preferred action. The reactions of the public had most likely reinforced his belief that words didn't always mean shit.

In the past the people had often latched onto him, other squad leaders, and Erwin, shouting insults, and belittling them, blaming them for all the loss, without understanding what it was like outside the walls.

She knew he cared about his squad, she knew he hated death of any kind, she knew he hated losing people.

She knew he cared about people, she knew he had a softer side that not everyone got to see, because not everyone earned the right to see it.

He was a cautious man, the proof of that was in how long it had taken her to earn his trust. But earn it she had, which is why he was now taking the comfort and support she offered.

She knew he would hate losing people who were under his command even more. Those people put their trust in him and his orders. Outside the walls, they had to put their faith into their superiors and follow orders no matter what.

She'd heard what the families of his deceased squad members had shouted at him as they walked through Trost earlier. She'd heard them place all the blame on him, as grieving people so often did.

She knew that when a person was grieving, they would often latch on to someone, to something, to blame, needing that outlet for the pain and suffering they were going through. She'd experienced being that outlet, and she hated to see Levi suffer that.

While she knew that Levi was strong emotionally, she also had experience of what it's like to have the same words thrown at you over and over again. Eventually, if you're not careful, you start to believe them.

As she held him, had it not been for how tight his hand was squeezing her waist and the occasional drop of a tear on her neck, she would have thought he'd fallen asleep.

She just let him grieve however he needed to, stroking his hair, not knowing that the simple act mixed with her scent that he always found so comforting, was doing wonders for him.

When she felt him relax and felt the deep breaths of sleep against her neck, she let herself drift off as she held him.

She woke in the middle of the night, and she could tell Levi was having a nightmare. He was sweating, and his groans of pain had her heart clenching.

She placed a gentle hand on his cheek and stroked soothingly, not wanting to startle him.

"Levi. Levi, wake up." She murmured to him.

"No no, not…not her. Please, not her." She hated how broken his voice sounded, and she was desperate to wake him from whatever nightmare was plaguing him, to bring him relief.

She gave his shoulder a firm nudge and her heart rammed in her throat when his eyes snapped open before flipping her over onto her back. His hands were on her wrists, holding them above her head as he hovered over her.

Heart still racing, she looked up at his face and saw his brows were furrowed, eyes unfocused, and she realized he was confused, still in that state between being asleep and awake, the one that's even worse after a nightmare.

"Levi, it's okay, it's me." She kept her voice hushed and non-threatening as she tried to guide him out of sleep.

She watched as his eyebrows furrowed further in an attempt to fight off the confusion. "Isa?"

"That's right, it's me, Levi. You're okay. You're safe." Her heartrate slowed as she spoke.

"Safe?" He blinked and she could see that his eyes were slowly clearing, slowly focusing.

"That's right, you're safe, Levi. Nothing is going to hurt y—"

Her words were cutoff as a squeak escaped her when he rolled over onto his side, dragging her with him. He wrapped her tight into his arms, burying his face at her neck. She could feel the slight tremors still running through him, and his hands were on her back, clenched into tight fists in her shirt. His breaths were shaky against her neck, even shakier than they had been that night after Uma had kidnapped her.

Though still slightly stunned, she didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around his neck, bringing her hand up to stroke at his hair.

"It's…it's okay, Levi." She kept her voice low, a soft, soothing murmur. "You're okay. We're home, we're inside the walls, there's nothing here that's going to hurt you."

He brought his head up so that he could rest his forehead against hers, bringing an unsteady hand to her face to stroke lightly at her cheek, almost as if he were checking to make sure she was real.

Her heart fluttered as she held his gaze and watched as his eyes slowly calmed. She watched as they slowly filled with what she thought might have been relief.

Relief from what?

He pulled back, placing a firm kiss on her forehead, a shaky hand behind her head holding her close as he did. He stayed there for a moment, eyes clenched tight as he took in a shaky, relieved breath, before burying his face in her neck once again, drawing her in as tight as possible. One arm was wrapped firmly around her shoulders, the other wrapped tight around her waist.

She ignored the thrumming in her heart from the act, and focused on him, stroking at his hair, wanting to comfort, hoping to soothe, and she was relieved as she felt his trembles slowly start to cease.

A vague memory of her mother came to mind, and how she used to comfort Isa when she was sad or scared. Usually, she would make her a cup of tea, but tea was scarce, and they didn't always have money for it.

On those nights when she'd wake from a nightmare, or those days where the other kids would tease her, and they didn't have tea, her mother would hold her, and sing to her.

So she did what her mother would have done.

Her gentle, melodic voice sang gently to the man in her arms, her best friend, the man she loved with every ounce of her being.

The lyrics told a story of siblings, a brother and sister, living in darkness, with dreams of flying high, soaring with the birds. They had heard of a land above them, where the sky was blue, the water clearer, everything brighter, and a sun so strong that it lit the land for hours.

The two would walk together throughout the dark streets of where they lived, and would get glimpses of this land, and would lay on the ground looking up, dreaming of the day where they'd be able to see the sky like the others above.

Whenever the siblings would look above, their hearts would fill with joy and hope, a hope for more. More…everything.

And one day, they were able to take their family up above, where they lived a happier life with the blue sky, clear water, and a sun so strong that it lit the land for hours.

As she gently sang, she poured her heart into the words, every ounce of love, the admiration she felt for him made her voice sweeter. The joy she felt around him kept her voice light and airy.

She thought back to her own childhood, how she used to look outside her window, watching the birds fly, wishing she could be free like them, wishing she could come and go as she pleased.

A far-off look in her eyes and a dreamy smile crossed her face at one of the few happy memories she had of her childhood, one that was so simple.

Perhaps that was why she found joy in the simplest of things.

Some days she had spent hours and hours simply looking out at the sky, one she'd never thought she'd see. She'd longed for her parents to be beside her so that they could enjoy the feel of the sun on their skin, the sights of the blue sky and the birds flying across it.

When she felt featherlight touches on her cheek, her eyes refocused to see that Levi had pulled back to look at her face. His hand was currently on her head, thumb lightly brushing away the happy tears she hadn't realized were falling.

She couldn't help the affectionate smile that crossed her face when she saw the warm smile playing at his lips. She pressed her forehead against his, lifting her hand to lay at his cheek, stroking lightly at the shadows under his eyes.

She ended the song, and the room was left in a lingering calm as she lay there staring into his eyes, helplessly trapped in those endless pools always swimming with emotion. Her own eyes filled with relief and her love for him when she saw that most of the grief in them had faded.

She knew that the rest would fade with time, but this was a start.

She watched as he swallowed before speaking, his voice thick with emotion as he did. "Where did you hear that song?"

"My mother used to sing it to me when I was younger." There was a hint of sorrow in her voice, the memory of her mother bittersweet, but mostly, her tone was content at the reminder of happier times.

"So did mine."

Somehow her smile grew warmer at the thought that both their mothers had sang them the same song when they were younger. "Looks like they both had good taste."

A breathless chuckle escaped him that had her heart stuttering as the soft breaths brushed across her face.

She ignored the light thrumming of her heart as he held her gaze, his fingers threading themselves into her hair as he continued to stroke her cheek gently with his thumb. She barely resisted the urge to purr in complete bliss at the feel of his hands in her hair.

For the briefest of seconds, a faint thought flashed into her mind, the slightest ember of clarity breaking through the dark insecurities that she'd pushed aside as she focused on taking care of him.

Maybe he does.

But the thought had yet to fully register, only enough to light the ember in her mind.

She had yet to realize that her insecurities had briefly weakened, overridden enough by her desperate need to take care of Levi, allowing what she knew deep down to be true, to push through ever so slightly.

And just like weeds, an ember only needs the slightest bit of fuel to grow into a flame, allowing it to suffocate the dark.

Though it would take time, it had yet to dawn on her that she'd somehow managed to take a first step towards being able to control her insecurities, instead of letting them control her.

"Thank you, Isa." His hand still lay gently on her face, thumb still brushing across the smoothness of her cheek, as he steadily held her gaze.

Though once again missed by Isa, Levi's voice was full of affection as he spoke, his eyes holding that same warmth she'd seen once before.

Her only response was to brush at the bangs on his forehead so she could place a tender, gentle kiss on his forehead, watching as his eyes closed.

It was her turn now to speak the words he'd always spoken to her. "Sleep, Levi. I'm not going anywhere."

He pulled her in closer, and she let herself snuggle into the warmth of his body before allowing herself to drift off, his arms wrapped around her, her arms tucked between the two of them, hand resting lightly on his heart.

One final thought crossed her mind as sleep took her.

I love you, Levi.

Thanks for reading! :)