Isa was gently drifting in that space between sleep and wakefulness and could feel the lightest brush of feathers along her wrists.

A content sigh left her at the comforting sensation along her skin as she was tempted to let herself drift back to sleep.

Gentle rays of early morning light trickled through her closed lids, slowly rousing her.

Her eyes fluttered open, and as they focused, they took in Levi lying on his back beside her, brows furrowed as he looked down.

She followed his gaze and saw he was looking at her arm, as his fingers stroked lightly at her wrist, sending tingles throughout her.

She brought her other hand up to rest on his face, drawing his attention to her.

His eyes slowly came to hers, and she thought they looked troubled. She ran her thumb across his cheek. "Are you alright?"

His frown deepened. "I should be asking you that."

"What do you mean?"

"Your wrists, are they bothering you?"

She blinked, confused before remembering how he'd grabbed her wrists the night before when she'd woken him from his nightmare.

She gave him a reassuring smile. "No, Levi, they're fine, I promise. It's my fault for trying to wake you in the middle of a nightmare. I should have known better, but it was worth the risk if it meant pulling you out of whatever dream you were having."

He hummed.

"Do you...do you want to talk about?"

She thought she saw the slightest hint of red rise to his cheeks, though she wasn't sure why.

He looked back down at her arm, avoiding her gaze. "Not really."

"That's fine, you never have to share something if you don't want to."

She brought her hand down as she moved her head so that it was resting on his shoulder, smiling when he brought his arm around her so that his hand lay on her shoulder. For some reason, she always felt infinitely warmer if he had his arm around her, even something simple as this.

"I didn't know you could sing." His hand had moved to the scar on her arm, brushing across it lightly. Somehow, her arm was now laying across his stomach, and she had to ignore the feel of the hard muscle underneath it, ignoring the wish to run her hand across the ridges and dips.

She could feel the red creep up her cheeks. "I, umm, I normally don't. I don't really like singing in front of other people, but I thought it might help. It's what my mother used to do when I woke from a nightmare and we didn't have any tea."

"What was she like?"

She looked up, and saw that he was already watching her, though he hadn't stopped grazing his fingers across her arm. The roughened skin against hers was distracting, and she had to force herself to focus on his question. "I don't remember much, just little things. Her soft voice, the way she somehow always managed to smell clean despite living in the Underground."

Her lips curled up into a gentle smile, eyes lighting up at the memory of her mother. "I remember she was really loving, lots of hugs, lots of kisses. It was like she wanted to make sure I knew how much she loved me."

"And your dad?" Almost absently, he brought his hand down to hers, trapping it against his stomach.

She swallowed at the heat hitting both sides of her hand. "He was a bit more on the reserved side but could be affectionate when he wanted. Sometimes if I had a really bad nightmare, they'd both crawl into bed with me on either side and would just hold me until I fell back asleep."

A memory came to mind, drawing a laugh from her. "My dad, whenever he'd go out, he would sometimes take me with him, and he'd always put me on his shoulders. I could see everywhere, and sometimes he'd run, and it would feel like I was flying. He probably felt ridiculous doing it, he wasn't big on drawing attention to himself, but he'd do it just for me. He had his own, less obvious ways of showing he loved me."

Drawing her hand away, she flipped over onto her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows, a dreamy, far-off look on her face, as her legs came up in the air, crossing at the ankles. "When I look back, I sometimes wonder how the two of them even ended up together, they just seemed so different, but from what I remember, they really loved each other. Sometimes, if my dad was feeling really affectionate, he'd pick her up and spin her, and I remember her laugh, so happy and warm."

She looked down to meet Levi's calm eyes that were watching her, her own face losing the content look. "I…I wish I could have learned more about them, how they met, how they fell in love. There's so much I don't know about them."

She sniffled at the fact that she would never be able to learn anything more about her parents, a stray tear sliding down her cheek to land on Levi's shoulder. "I miss them sometimes. Or, I miss them all the time, but sometimes it'll hit me really hard when something good happens, and I just wish they were here so I could share it with them."

She wiped away the tears from her eyes, pushing away the depressing thoughts. "What about your mom?"

"You saw her, she always made time for me. To play with me, hug me, anything."

Her eyes and face brightened at the thought. "She sounds like she was an amazing woman."

His eyes held steady on hers, a content smile on his face. "She was."

"I wish I could have met her."

"She would've liked you."

Her face brightened further at the thought. "I'm glad, from what I saw, what I felt coming from her, she really loved you, Levi."

She laid a hand over the one he currently had resting on his stomach, eyes serious as she looked into his. "Don't ever doubt that for one second. When she walked into that room, her entire being just completely lit up. You were her whole world."

Her whole body warmed with affection when she saw the completely peaceful look on his face. She was overjoyed at the thought that she might have brought him even a moment of peace, simply because of what she'd observed from his mom.

He brought his other hand on top of hers, caging it between the two of his, thumb brushing lightly across it. "Thank you."

Her face softened, as she lay there, staring down at the man she adored. He had the ability to be frustrating to no end, and she may have trouble reading him, but she knew she'd never stop loving him.

Gazing into those blue eyes sent flutters throughout her stomach, she couldn't break away, yet, the longer she held them, the more she never wanted to. If a titan were to crash into the room right now, she could die with a smile on her face at simply having known Levi and being able to share small moments like this with him.

As she held his gaze, she watched as the emotion in his eyes shifted to something else she couldn't read. She truly wondered if Ethel and Hange were right, and that her fear was blinding her.

But how is that even possible? How can being afraid of something keep me from seeing what they see?

She couldn't help but wonder if she'd still be inept when it came to romance and desire if she'd had more experiences with it as a teenager. She wanted to know if some people were just born with an instinct that came to this sort of thing, or if it was learned, or possibly even both.

She knew she definitely didn't have the instinct for it, otherwise she'd be able to read him. She was once again, filled with the wish that she had more strength and knowledge for this.

That night when Uma had kidnapped her, she'd had countless opportunities to take that leap, to take that risk. And right here, she was faced with yet another chance, yet as always, she was held back.

Will I ever stop being afraid to just try?

She sighed. "I should probably go. I'm meeting Nanaba, Nifa, and Hange later, and I want to take Luna out for a ride before I do. You want to come? I'm sure Spartan would love some exercise that doesn't involve continuous running."

He shook his head. "I would but I need to do those papers you kept me from last night."

She rolled her eyes and poked at his shoulder. "You needed to rest, don't deny it."

"I won't." He flicked at her forehead. "Pain in the damn ass."

She giggled as she rose, not realizing that he was admiring how the early morning sun cast a gentle glow around her, making her look softer, more delicate, yet strong at the same time. "Hey, someone needs to make sure you take care of yourself. If that makes me a 'pain in the damn ass,' then so be it."

She heard him hum in amusement as she walked out of his bedroom, and as she was walking out of his office, just as she had that first night, she turned to look over her shoulder to see him still watching her.

'No matter where he is in a room, his eyes will follow you.'

She shook the thought out of her head, swallowing thickly as she walked out.

She made quick work of cleaning up and changing, grabbing a ration bar from the mess hall before heading to Luna's stall.

She stopped at Spartan's stall, rubbing his velveety muzzle, letting him know that Levi was okay now, and the stallion seemed to perk up at the information, appearing relieved at the news.

She entered Luna's stall and wrapped her arms around the mare's neck, stroking her muzzle lightly. "How about we go for a ride?"

Luna nickered in agreement at the idea.

Isa saddled up Luna and hopped on, leading her on a walk off base, not caring where they went, just enjoying the journey.

As she rode, she relished in the feel of the morning sun caressing across her body, sending a warmth through her. She closed her eyes, senses sharpening as she did. She could hear birds chirping in the distance, the gentle sigh of the morning breeze as it fluttered through her hair.

Her earlier conversation with Levi had left her mind full of thoughts of her parents. With her eyes closed, she could practically smell that clean linen scent her mother somehow always had. She'd always smelled so fresh and light, and Isa didn't understand how that was possible when they'd lived in the Underground.

The way her mom's lips would curl affectionately when her dad would sneak up behind her, wrapping his arms around her to rest his chin on her shoulder or place a light kiss on her cheek.

She'd loved watching her dad spin her mom in circles as she clung tight to his neck, head thrown back in pure joy, the rolling laughs that would fill their tiny home, making the dark and dank room seem lighter, brighter, full of life.

She remembered how her mom used to sit on her dad's lap, and he'd always wrap his arms around her, drawing her close. Sometimes, Isa would join them, crawling into her dad's lap with her mom, and he would just hold both his girls as tight as he could. He would place tender kisses on the sides of their heads, and she could just feel his love for them, even if he rarely said the words.

When she looked back on her memories of her parents, she could see how in love they were, how much they'd adored each other.

There had been fights, arguments, usually about money. The stress of providing for a family occasionally strained them, but her parents had held strong, pushing through whatever obstacle was in front of them, always together, never giving up.

She missed the way her mom or dad would hold her tight, hold her close whenever she was scared. She'd always been comforted by the feel of her parents' arms around her, as if nothing in the world could hurt her as long as they were there.

She opened her eyes, inhaling deeply, enjoying the fresh, earthy scents around her, a dreamy smile on her face as she remembered how it had felt to sit on her dad's shoulders as he ran, the air brushing across her face, her hands thrown in the air, body full of the trust only a child can feel for a parent. She could practically hear the child version of herself squealing with laughter, and her dad's own deep chuckles.

There were times when her mother would pull her close and pepper kisses all over her face, and she'd shriek with giggles, unable to control them. Her mother had been such an affectionate person, full of life and love, always willing to show the ones she loved just how important they were to her.

Despite living in poverty, despite living in a horrid place, her parents had always done their best to make sure she felt loved and cherished.

She only hoped they would be proud of who she was now.

There was one particular memory that kept tickling the back of her mind, but she couldn't get a firm grasp on it. She vaguely remembered a journal that was supposed to be important, but she couldn't remember why.

Sighing, she enjoyed the rest of her ride with Luna, memories of her parents and confused thoughts of Levi fumbling around in her mind.

That evening she met Nanaba, Nifa, and Hange at the same tavern where she'd celebrated her birthday.

She loved the time she spent with her new friends. They could never replace Sherri and Lucy, but when it came to new friends, it wasn't about replacing the old, but relishing in the new. She was coming to enjoy each friendship she made for what it was. Each person was an individual with a different background, different personality, different likes, different dislikes.

She would have thought she wouldn't have had the energy to make new friends, and yet, here she was, with two new people to care about, to learn about.

She sat in a booth next to Hange, Nanaba and Nifa on the other side, enjoying a few drinks as she laughed at the stories her friends told from their past.

Nanaba and Nifa, both around the same age as Hange and Isa, had grown up in Karanes, a district inside Wall Rose, though, they hadn't met until joining the Scouts.

There were few times were Isa felt nothing but pure joy, and this was one of those times. Just like she lived for days where she could lay out in the grass, enjoying the feel of the sun kissing her skin, she lived for days where she could simply be with her friends, pretending they had no care in the world, pretending titans didn't exist, simply talking about the most ridiculous of things as if they led normal lives.

But then Nanaba's question had her flushing and wishing she could be anywhere else.

Nanaba waggled her eyebrows, a sly grin on her face. "So Isa, tell me, what's Levi like? Is it like we suspect? All his height went elsewhere?"

Why does everyone think that? Is that seriously a thing?

Isa cleared her throat as she shifted in her seat. "Umm…we're just friends. We…we haven't done anything like that." She shoved her elbow into Hange's side when she giggled at her friend's embarrassment.

Nanaba's hummed in disbelief. "No kidding? I've seen the way you two act around each other, and I would have thought you were together."

What the hell does that mean?

Isa avoided eye contact, arms crossing in front of her. "I…I don't know what you mean."

Nanaba leaned back in her seat, arm draped over the back of the booth as she shrugged. "Just…I can tell that you guys are really close. He seems more relaxed around you."

Isa reached for her drink to take a sip, moving a shoulder with indifference. "I think that's just because we've known each other a long time. I've known him since he first joined, knew his friends."

Nanaba shook her head, brows furrowing in concentration. "No, it's more than that, because Hange has too, and he's not like that with her."

Isa smirked at her friend sitting beside her. "Well Hange does take some getting used to. She has a tendency to not know when to stop asking questions."

Hange rolled her eyes, laughing. "Well now that's just mean Isa."

"Am I wrong?" She gave her friend's shoulder a poke.

"Well…no."

A smug look crossed Isa's face.

Hange glared at Isa in mock irritation, the slightest glint of humor in her eyes. "This is pay back." She turned to look at the blonde-haired woman across from her. "Nanaba, she hasn't told you that they've kissed."

Nanaba's brows shot to her forehead, eyes widening. "Oh really now?

Isa could feel the telltale red creeping onto her face at the memory of that all-consuming kiss. "Hange, that kiss was coerced by an insane woman who was trying to make me suffer."

"Are we talking a peck or serious tongue action?"

Isa's face reddened further. It had, but she didn't see why Nanaba needed to know that. "I…what is it with everyone being obsessed with 'tongue action'?" She muttered.

Nanaba's shoulders shook as she chuckled. "So it did."

Isa glared at her. "That doesn't answer my question."

"Because one," Nanaba lifted a finger, ticking off her reasons, "considering the clean freak he is, I wouldn't have expected Levi to be the type to go all out like that kissing someone, and two, a peck can be something between friends."

Isa rolled her eyes, grumbling as she spoke. "Just because he likes to keep things clean doesn't mean he's that extreme."

Hange gave Isa a smug look. "She's also forgetting that time I walked in on them lying in bed, and he was holding her as if he never wanted to let her go."

Isa looked at Hange, betrayal glinting in her eyes and lining her voice. "I…I explained that to you Hange. That was after Ethel died, and I'd asked him to hold me."

Hange rolled her eyes in amusement, returning the earlier poke with one of her own against Isa's shoulder. "Isa…if I asked Levi to hold me, he'd probably tell me to fuck off."

The drinks she'd had were making Isa's tongue looser and she groaned in frustration. "Fine, you want to hear it all?"

She threw back the rest of her drink, slamming the glass onto the table as she relished the burn in her throat, glaring at her stubborn friends. "Yes, there have been times where he's held me. The time when Uma tried to kill me, when we were back, he laid me down in his bed, and then laid down behind me, and held me from behind. When he took me to the gravestone he'd somehow convinced Erwin to have placed for Ethel, he held me then too, rested his forehead on mine, stroked my cheek."

She threw her hands up in exasperation. "I don't even know how many times I hugged him the day after Ethel died. That night after my birthday he held me then too. After Ethel died, he…helped me clean up because I was too shaken and broken to even take off my damn clothes, much less hold a damn bar of soap. I held him all last night, because he'd lost three of his squad members."

She listed off more of the confusing aspects of her relationship with Levi, as she leaned back against the booth, arms now crossed. "He lets me hug him, lean against him, rest my head on his shoulder. He's kissed my forehead, held my hand. But…but we're just friends."

Right?

When I say it all out loud like that, it sounds like maybe? Is it possible that I've been wrong this whole time?

'As if he would ever want someone as plain and pathetic as you.'

Dammit, how do I get that to just leave me alone!

I should have dislocated both of Uma's shoulders.

Her three friends were now gaping at Isa, complete disbelief written all across their faces. Perhaps at another time, Isa would have found their reactions funny, but in that moment, she was too embarrassed and stressed from the conversation.

Nifa blinked, first to recover. "Isa…you…you guys are basically a couple without the sex."

Isa blinked, swallowing hard, unable to believe it. "I…but…that's not possible."

"Why?"

She threw her hands out in front of her in frustration. "Because…because I don't know." Her arms now moved to rest on the table, body leaning against them. "It just doesn't feel possible, because he never makes any kind of move or indication that he wants me like that in any way, shape, or form. I have no idea what I'm doing half the time, and I have no idea how to read him most of the time."

Hange had finally recovered from her shock. "Isa, I think he has given you signs, you just haven't paid attention to them. You've got him wrapped around your finger and you don't even realize."

Nanaba shook her head as she looked at Isa, still leaning against the back of the booth, as she reached down to grab her drink, taking a sip. "I think the guy may be confused about what you want." She emphasized the word 'you' with a point in Isa's direction using the hand holding her drink.

Isa's mouth dropped at the idea. "I…how could that even be possible?"

"Ever told him you appreciated his friendship or called him a friend to his face?"

"I…yes, because I do."

Nanaba tipped her glass towards Isa. "There you go."

Hange's brows furrowed, hand tapping idly against the table as she thought. "It may even be more than just that. You were pretty broken up that week after Ethel died."

Hange angled her body so that she could face Isa, placing a hand on her shoulder, her other arm resting flat against the table. "You didn't see how worried, how scared he was for you, he did a good job hiding that from you, but I could see it."

"And…" Hange nibbled at her lip, debating the next bit of information. She sighed. "That and…Isa…you don't know how broken he looked when Uma kidnapped you."

Her hand clenched tighter on Isa's shoulder at the reminder of the night. "We didn't know how to find you, where to even start. I've never seen him look so helpless, so terrified. I'd never thought it was possible to see him filled with fear like that. I think he's afraid of moving too fast for you after the stress of losing Ethel and from being kidnapped."

Isa looked down at the table, swallowing hard, unsure of what to make of that information. "I…"

"And…well…I wonder if he feels that he doesn't deserve someone like you."

Isa's eyes shot back to Hange, brows knit in confusion. "Why would he think that?"

"Isa. You're like this…" Hange brought her hand off the table to rest on her chin, as she looked for a way to describe her friend, "…happy little ray of sunshine. You brighten up basically any room."

"I…I do?"

Hange continued as if she hadn't spoken. "He's surly, crude, and abrasive. Have you forgotten the guy was a criminal in the Underground?"

Isa shook her head in disbelief. "But I…I've told him before that I never judged him for that, never judged him for doing what he had to do to survive. He even knows I was born in the Underground."

It was Hange's turn to gape, leaning away from Isa, eyes wide behind her glasses. "You…what? Why have you never told me this?"

Shit.

Isa chewed at her lip, guilt filling her eyes. "I'm sorry Hange, it…it never came up. I just…I didn't know how to tell you."

"Okay, we'll have to come back to that." Hange grasped both of Isa's shoulders in her hands. "Isa, I think you need to be the one to make a move."

Isa recoiled, stomach tightening in knots at the suggestion. "No way, I could never do that!"

"Why?"

"Because…because what if you're wrong," her voice dropped to a whisper at the thought, "and he doesn't see me that way? I'll have ruined a friendship. Uma even said he sees me as a good friend."

Nanaba's raised a brow, her bewildered voice drawing Isa's attention. "And you believed her? Have you forgotten what she did to you?"

"Of course not!"

Nifa kept her tone gentle. "Isa, when did she say that to you?"

"The morning after my birthday, when she came to apologize for what she did at the tavern."

Hange snorted in derision. "Did it ever occur to you, that she saw Levi's reaction to that kiss, and wanted to make you think that? She was hell bent on making you as unhappy as possible."

"But—"

"Isa, how many people have told you that he sees you as more than a friend?"

Ethel.

Sherri.

Hange.

Now Nanaba.

Nifa hasn't said it, but she isn't denying it either.

Maybe? Could they be right?

She couldn't stop the sudden rush of excitement surging through her, battling with the nerves. "I…but…but what if I mess something up?" She buried her face in her hands. "I've…I've never done anything other than a couple of kisses, and what if he does want me and I end up disappointing him?"

'As if he'd ever want someone as plain and pathetic as you.'

Dammit, go away.

Hange pulled Isa's hands off her face, cupping it in her own to force Isa to meet his gaze. "Isa…if the guy stops wanting you because you're inexperienced, then he's not worth it. But I don't think that would be the case. I've seen how he looks at you."

"You keep saying that, but I have no idea what that even means." Her voice cracked ever so slightly, having heard that before but not understanding it.

Hange's face turned serious, wanting to Isa know she meant her next words. "He looks at you as if he's found something he didn't know he was looking for. Something he never wants to lose."

She swallowed thickly, butterflies fluttering in her stomach. "I…I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Her lower lip trembled as her eyes filled with fear and nerves.

Nanaba leaned forward to rest her arms on the table. "You want my advice? Just storm into his office one night and kiss him, make it clear that's what you want, and he can take care of the rest. Everything else will come as you grow more confident."

Isa's eyes were wide as she shook her head in horror. "There's no way I could do that. It took every ounce of what little courage I have to even kiss him that night at the tavern. And that was only because of Uma's stupid ultimatum."

A hopeful glint filled Hange's eyes. "If I give you an ultimatum, would you do it?"

Isa chuckled weakly, shaking her head. "No, because I know you'd never follow through with it."

Hange's hope deflated, her shoulders slouching. "Yea you're right."

Isa looked back down at the table, chewing on her lip. "I'm afraid, Hange." Her voice was hushed, almost too quiet for anyone to hear.

Hange brought her hands down to Isa's shoulders, giving them a comforting squeeze. "I know, Isa. But you could be missing out on something great because of your fear."

"Or protecting myself from further embarrassment."

Hange gave her friend a soft smile. "Isa, you wanna know what I saw that night at the tavern after you walked away from Levi?"

"I…what?"

"He looked like you were the greatest thing to have ever happened to him, and like he wanted to drag you off to the nearest bedroom."

Isa flushed at the thought, stomach twisting in a combination of nerves and desire. "I…but couldn't that have just been a normal reaction to me kissing him?"

"Isa." Hange threw her head back and groaned in exasperation before looking at her friend again. "I told you, no, because he's not exactly normal."

"But…but what if I mess something up? What if I don't do something right?"

"Isa, listen to me." Hange gave her a gentle shake for emphasis. "If he cares about you the way I think, no, the way I know he does, he's not going to give a damn. He'll be incredibly patient with you."

"I just…I don't see how he could want someone like me."

"Isa, we've been over this. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and I know he sees it, just like I see it."

Isa yanked out of Hange's gentle grasp, burying her face in her hands again. "You don't get it though, I've spent my entire life being told the exact opposite. You forget that I didn't have a normal childhood. Do you know what that's like?" Her voice was a muffled and frustrated shriek against her hands.

She turned her head in her hands to look at Hange, repeating herself for emphasis. "Do you? To spend every single waking day being ridiculed about your hair, your eyes, your weight, everything. To be told that you're not good enough, how you'll never be good enough, no matter what you do, and how no one will ever want you for who you are."

A tear escaped her eye. "How am I supposed to believe you? You telling me I'm beautiful doesn't change years of negative words being thrown at me, that started when I was a child, Hange. A child. At first I tried to ignore them, but I was only seven Hange, and they took hold. And I don't know how to get rid of them."

Hange looked taken aback. She'd known the people in Mitras had treated Isa poorly, but she hadn't known it had been to this extent. "Isa, I don't know how to make those memories go away, but it comes down to who you want to believe. Your friends, who love you more than anything, or people who wanted to make your life miserable."

Another tear dripped down her nose. "I want to believe you, I do, but I don't even know where to start."

Nanaba reached across the table to take Isa's hand in her own. "Isa, how about, whenever you start thinking like that, or you feel those cruel words come to you, you force yourself to think the opposite? If you hear a thought telling you something negative about your eyes or hair, you tell it 'no, my eyes are beautiful, the color of whiskey when the sun shimmers through it. My hair is soft, and it may be brown, but in the sunlight, there are the tiniest glints of reds and golds, giving it a fiery look.'"

Nifa placed a hand on Isa's arm next to Nanaba's. "When your mind tells you you're not good enough, tell yourself, 'no, I am, my friends believe in me no matter what, and I've proven myself time and time again both outside and inside the walls.'"

Hange placed a supportive hand on Isa's back. "Isa, your entire being is beautiful. You're this bright, energetic person, but it's different from my energy. Yours is a more peaceful energy that's both calming and exciting at the same time. Like I said, you're a little ray of sunshine."

Isa wiped at the tears in her eyes as she laughed. "You guys…you guys really think that about me?"

Hange gave Isa's shoulder a reassuring squeeze as Nanaba and Nifa sat back in their seats. "Of course we do."

She looked around at her friends and their smiling faces, their words, they made her feel as if she were beautiful. Whenever Hange had told her she was beautiful, the word often had fell flat, because she'd never felt like she was, hadn't known what it meant to be beautiful, so it had been hard to believe.

But in that moment, the way they'd described her, she could feel herself start to believe them. She felt lighter, a rush of warmth she only felt around her friends flowing through her, strengthened by their support.

She knew it would take time, but she was starting to realize that perhaps the way she saw herself was different from how everyone else saw her. And for now, that was enough.

"But still, why do I have to be the one to make a move?"

Hange sighed. "Because at the current rate Levi is going at, we'll probably be old and wrinkly by the time he does something."

She couldn't help but ask the same question once again, though she was hesitant, knowing what her friends' reactions would be. "But…but what if you're wrong?"

Hange banged her head against Isa's shoulder. "Just when I think we've made progress, you come back to that."

She sighed, resting her head on her arm, elbow on the table. "Look, we can't make you do anything, but I truly think you're missing out on something great because you're afraid to take that next step. You don't have to do anything now, just…just think about it. I would never lie to you, Isa, you know that."

Isa's hands moved to the side of her head, fingers digging into her hair, eyes fixed on the table. "I know Hange…I just don't know how to stop being afraid. There…there are times where I'll think that he might, sometimes he'll give me a look that I don't know what it is, but it feels like he's trying to tell me he wants more. But then these stupid thoughts run endlessly through my mind, telling me I'm wrong, and that possibility just scares me even more."

Nifa reached back across the table again to lay a gentle hand on Isa's arm. "Sometimes it's not a matter of how to not be afraid, but not letting that fear control you."

Isa's eyes looked up helplessly to meet Nifa's calm gaze. "But I don't know how to do that."

Nifa gave Isa's arm a reassuring squeeze. "In the moment, when you want to do something, and you feel afraid, you just do it. Your fear doesn't control you, you control it."

Isa thought that sounded like something that was more easily said than done, and she couldn't imagine herself actually being able to follow through with that. She was also growing weary talking about this. So much information had been thrown at her, and it was almost too much to handle. Their words had helped, but she needed time to process them when she didn't feel so overwhelmed.

Isa rubbed at her face. "Guys I…I don't know if I want to talk about this anymore. I'll…I'll consider it, maybe, but I don't know if I can be the one to take that first step."

Hange pulled Isa in for a hug. "Okay Isa, we won't push you anymore. We just want you to be happy, but we're here for you no matter what happens."

Grateful for her understanding, Isa changed the subject. "Can you guys believe we're being sent out again next week? We've never had expeditions back-to-back."

Nanaba sighed in feigned exasperation. "We went from talking about men to talking about work, why Isa?"

Isa giggled. "Consider this payback."

The four friends spent the remainder of the evening discussing the upcoming expedition. When Hange demanded to know more about Isa's past, Isa came clean, giving her friends all the details of where she was born, how she ended up in Mitras, and how she escaped.

Isa hadn't noticed, but the words of her friends had given that small ember the fuel it needed to grow slightly brighter as it began its battle against the dark insecurities inside her.

The following day, Isa was summoned to Erwin's office. At his door, she gave a firm knock.

She heard his soft voice call from inside. "Name and business."

"Isa Tudor, sir, you requested to see me."

"Enter."

Isa entered the office, and was surprised to see Levi there, looking concerned. She sent him a curious look but sat in front of Erwin's desk, giving him a salute before she did.

Erwin got straight to the point, and his grim tone matched the expression on Levi's face. "Isa, I've just received notice from Stohess. You and Levi have been requested to act as witnesses in Derek's trial."

Isa could feel the blood drain from her face, hands gripping tight against the arms of the chair. "Trial?"

"Yes, they've finally scheduled a trial for your assault charges against him."

Back when Erwin had helped her with filing charges against Derek, she'd told him everything, and he'd convinced her to include when he'd sexually assaulted her.

"When?"

"The trial is next week. You'll both be excused from the upcoming expedition."

"What about Levi's squad?"

"They'll be assigned temporarily to other squads until you both return." Isa could feel her mind slowly growing hazy, Erwin's voice growing fainter as she tried to process what was going to happen next week.

When Erwin dismissed her, she walked out of his office, mind foggy at the information she'd just been given.

I…I have to see him again? I was hoping to never have to see him again.

She ran outside to Luna's stall as flashes of what he'd done filled her mind.

Being slammed against the wall.

Wrists pinned above her head.

His mouth moving across her neck.

His hand groping at her breast.

She burst into Luna's stall, not noticing the mare jolt at the sudden noise. She wrapped her trembling arms around her neck as she fought back the urge to vomit, trying to stop the shuddering.

She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, and when she looked behind her, she saw Levi's face, worried eyes watching her.

She turned, wrapping her arms around his neck, seeking the comfort she only felt around him, burying her face in his shoulder letting his soothing scent waft over her, calming her nerves. She felt his arms come up around her with no hesitation, drawing her closer.

"Levi, what am I going to do? I…I don't know if I can see him again." Her voice was a broken whisper.

Her hands clenched into fists as she tried to stop the shaking. "I…I can still feel his mouth and hands on me, and it makes me sick."

Her words had him drawing her in tighter, and she nuzzled further into his neck when his hand hesitantly came up to stroke at her hair.

Her voice was thick with tears as she struggled to speak. "I haven't felt like this in months, but now, knowing that I'm going to have to see him again, it's all coming back. That night, if you and Furlan hadn't shown up, I…I had given up, I could feel myself retreating into some other place, as if my mind were trying to protect me from what it knew was coming."

The tears fell now, her stomach churning at the reminder of everything that had happened.

The first time, when he'd shoved her up against the wall on the roof, and shoved his tongue in her mouth. The way he'd backed off when she'd told him no, and she'd hoped that would be the end of it.

Then, when she'd come across him that night and he'd slammed her against the wall, restraining her wrists so that she couldn't fight back as his mouth slithered across her jaw and neck, hand groping at her.

Finally, the way he'd tried to kill her, slapped her face, slicing off her gear and shoving her into a titan's path. She'd felt so helpless, unable to do anything.

Levi held her tight as she trembled, silent tears spilling down her face to land against his neck. His hand grew more confident as he stroked at her hair, though once again, he wished he knew how to do more, not realizing how far he'd come, not realizing that his presence alone was always enough to calm Isa.

He pulled back, cupping her face in his hands, thumbs lightly brushing away the tears. "I'm going to be right there with you, you won't be alone."

Her helpless eyes met his, as she reached up to clutch at his wrists. "I…I know, it's just, what did I do? I don't understand why he did that, why he tried to do that. I…I never gave him any indication that I wanted that with him, but he latched onto me for some reason, and I don't know why."

His fingers gently threaded into her hair, kneading lightly, eyes serious as they looked into hers. "You didn't do anything. He's messed up. I've seen plenty of his kind before. Being on the surface doesn't change the fact that those people exist. This was not your fault."

She nodded, dejected eyes watching him.

"Say it."

"It…it wasn't my fault." Saying it out loud helped, reminding her that she wasn't to blame, and somehow it helped relieve some of the anxiety.

"But is there even a chance that anything will happen to him? He's apparently a noble, so for all we know, his family has bought off whatever judge that's going to be in charge of his trial."

He let his forehead rest on hers, and she stared up into those blue eyes. "We won't know until we get there. And nothing will happen if you don't try. It's up to you, Isa."

'Are you going to cry or are you going to fight?'

The slightest hint of determination filled her eyes, attempting to wipe away the fear. "I'll…I'll fight, Levi. I'll try to fight." Her lips curled into a small smile. "I'm not weak."

That small smile she loved so much crossed his face as his thumbs stroked across her cheeks. "We'll get through this together, like we always do. I promise."

Her fingers brushed lightly across the hands on her face, her smile growing more affectionate. "Thank you, Levi. It…it helps me, more than you know, more than I know how to say, knowing that you'll be there beside me."

His eyes widened slightly by her admission, and then an even sweeter smile crossed his face, a warmth filling his blue eyes as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, before drawing her close, hand coming up to cradle her head, letting his cheek rest against the side of her head. "Always, Isa. Always."