CW: Mentions of sexual assault
As she woke, she enjoyed the feel of the early morning rays trickling through the window, pulling her from sleep.
Her eyes flutter open as she stretches, rising and making her way into the bathroom. As she freshens up, she glances in the mirror, seeing his mark on her neck, and she can't help but smile.
They're similar marks to what that bastard left on her, but this one, she loves, because it came from him, the man she loves more than anything in the world.
She feels him come up behind her, arms wrapping around her, hand coming up to cup her breast as he nibbles along her neck, shivers racing up her spine.
She giggles, loving how affectionate he can be. "Levi, I need to get ready for the day."
"Who's Levi?"
She stiffens as she recognizes the voice and starts to struggle against his hold.
"Let me go." Her tone is forceful, demanding, though there is the presence of an underlying fear in it.
"I'm never letting you go, Isa darling. I told you before, you're mine."
Somehow, she's now lying on the bed, hands and legs tied to the posts, no way to fight. She looks up to see him leering at her, that deranged look in his eyes that brings tears to her eyes as she knows what's about to happen, not able to fight.
She starts to scream, begging for someone to come help her, yanking against the confining rope, ignoring the burning sensation on her wrists and ankles as she did.
"There's no one coming. You're mine now."
"Isa! Isa wake up!"
A worried voice pulled her from sleep, and she struggled against the hold on her flailing arms, not recognizing the gentle hands trying to keep her from hurting herself, not recognizing the calm voice, still caught in the remnants of the nightmare. "No no no! Let me go! Please, don't do this!" Her voice was desperate, pleading, fearful, her eyes clenched tight.
Her throat was closing up and it was getting difficult to breathe, her breaths coming out in short pants. It felt as if someone were sitting on her chest, suffocating her. She could hear the fast thrum of her heart in her ear, and she feared that it would never slow.
The hands snatched themselves off her at her words, a shaky, concerned voice speaking, attempting to soothe. "Isa. Isa it's Levi. I'm right here. Nothing is going to hurt you."
"Levi?" Her voice hitched, her eyes still closed, fearful that if she opened them, it wouldn't be Levi, it would be him. She was close to losing control of her breaths, beginning to feel lightheaded.
He kept his voice hushed, doing his best to calm her, though he still sounded worried, not touching her in any way. "It's me, Isa. I'm right here. Take a breath."
She managed to gain control of a breath, holding it before letting it go, like she had so many times before. As she regained control of her breathing, she felt the pressure in her chest and throat ease and her heart began to slow down back to its normal pace.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she saw him sitting up next to her, worry filling his eyes. Relief flooded her as she drank him in, realizing it had only been a dream, no, a nightmare, one of the worst ones she'd ever had. Her broken, fearful eyes full of tears met his.
Knowing he wouldn't touch her until she told him he could, needing his arms around her, she struggled to ask him for what she wanted, breaths hitching with the lingering fear. "H-hold me, p-please." Her lip trembled as she spoke.
He laid back down next to her, drawing her in tight, guiding her head down to his chest, the way he'd learned she liked, a shaky hand coming up to stroke her hair, lips pressing against the top of her head as she broke, sobbing into him. "I'm right here, you're safe, I promise you."
She clutched tight at his shirt, tears spilling over her cheeks, broken sobs filling the air, though was soothed when his arms tightened around her, drawing her even closer.
"It felt," her breath hitched on a sob, "so real, Levi."
Her voice had dropped to a horrified whisper, struggling to speak. She pressed her face closer into his chest, unable to control the shaking in her body, fear and adrenaline still coursing through her.
He kept running his fingers through her hair, desperately trying to comfort and soothe her. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
She remembered that she'd felt better after she told Hange what had happened in Stohess, and was spurred to share her nightmare with Levi, needing him to know what had happened. She struggled to speak between her heaving sobs.
"I…it was him, Levi. He…he had me tied up and I couldn't fight, there was nothing I could do. I…you woke me up…before anything happened, but I knew what he was going to do…" She trailed off, voice breaking as she sobbed.
He stroked lightly at her hair, horrified at the nightmare she'd had. "Shh, I'm right here. That's not going to happen to you. He can't get to you now."
Even though she knew she was with Levi, being held by him, she could still feel the ghosts of the unwanted touches on her breasts, between her legs, the way he'd groped at her, touched her, tried to take things that hadn't been offered.
Her eyes clenched tight, desperately wishing to erase the memory of how he'd touched her. "I still feel his hands on me, Levi." The words fell from her in a terrified whisper. "I still feel them squeezing me, holding my wrists, groping at me, in my pants rubbing at me, his mouth on my face and neck."
She buried her face further into his neck, needing his comforting smell, hoping that it would bring her comfort as it always did, relieved when it did, slowly helping her relax further in his arms, the sobs finally quieting.
His hand awkwardly stroked at her back, desperately trying to find other ways to soothe, to comfort, wishing he had more words to bring her peace, cold hate for the bastard filling him for bringing this agony to Isa. He wanted to storm to Stohess and tear apart the scum for putting his hands on her, for hurting her.
Instead, he kept her close to him, doing everything he could think of that might help her.
She sniffled, light tremors running through her body. "The…the way he looked at me, Levi. He had this deranged look in his eyes." Her eyes snapped open when the memory of them flashed in front of her, a fearful whimper escaping her as she tensed up.
His hand moved from her back to stroke through her hair, relieved when he felt her relax against him again even though she still shook. He brought his hand to lay against her face, fingers threading into her hair as his thumb brushed at her cheek, doing everything he could think of to comfort.
She clutched tighter at his shirt with trembling hands. "Nothing I said to him ever got through, if anything, it only worked to make him angrier. He…he told me he liked the way I was playing hard to get, teasing him. But I wasn't, I wasn't, I never did. Never." She shook her head against him, emphasizing what she was saying.
He let his cheek rest on top of her head, his arm around her shoulders drawing her closer. "I know. This wasn't your fault. He's a delusional piece of shit, and you did nothing to deserve this."
"Why did this have to happen to me, Levi?" Her voice threatened to break again.
"I don't have an answer for that, Isa." Not having soft words, the only thing he could give her were reassurances that he was with her, beside her, always. "All I know, is I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, and you're safe. I promise."
Another shudder passed through her body. "I can't stop shaking."
Each affectionate act he tried was encouraged when he could feel the tension in her slowly continue to ease. "Shh, it's okay, you'll be okay. Just hold onto me as long as you need."
She snuggled impossibly closer to him, letting his warmth surround her. She forced her mind to focus on the points of contact between them.
His arm around her shoulder, fingers awkwardly stroking, and she knew he wasn't used to these other ways of comforting, to be affectionate like he was with stroking her hair or her face, and the thought of him doing anything he could think of to help, started filling her with warmth working to push out the chill.
Her chest pressed up against him, head resting against his chest right above his heart, the steady sound of it filling her mind, soothing her as it always did.
His hand on her face, thumb stroking at her cheek, fingers in her hair, touches he was now used to, felt confident in providing, all made her want to purr, further working to erase the remnants of fear leftover from the nightmare.
His cheek resting against the top of her head, his quiet breaths fluttering across her hair, reminding her that with Levi, she was always safe.
She could feel herself slowly relax further as she kept her mind on where they touched, the heat of his body warming hers, just now realizing how cold she'd been from the icy fear that had pounded through her.
She was relieved when the tremors finally ceased, though she could still feel the slight presence of the fear.
She wasn't sure what had triggered the nightmare, never having had one of him before, but the reason didn't matter to her. If her mind was trying to make her afraid of Levi, she refused to listen. She knew that nothing bad could happen to her with Levi, that he'd never hurt her, in any way. She would keep pushing forward until her mind accepted that fact.
"Levi?"
Humming in answer, he pressed his lips on top of her head again.
She took a breath. "I'm…I'm not going to let this stop me." It felt strange to her, speaking of these things, but she wanted to make sure it was clear that she fully intended to keep going. "If this is my mind's way of trying to scare me, it's not happening. I refuse to let him win."
"Whatever you want, just take it slow okay?" He murmured.
She brought her hand up to rest beside her head on his chest. "I will, Levi. I won't do anything I'm not ready for, I promise."
He moved his hand from her face, to rest on top of hers that lay on his chest. "Good, now get some sleep. I won't let you go. I'll hold you as long as you need me to, I promise."
She let his heart slowly lull her back to sleep, that warm, content feeling of safety pulsed through her, finally overriding the fear that had come with the nightmare.
She had meant her words. She wanted Levi to be her first, was willing to do anything she needed to get there, and refused to let her mind, to let him win.
She drifted off, a quiet, content sigh escaping her as the featherlight feel of Levi's lips brushing across her forehead registered in her mind, and she snuggled ever closer, right before sleep pulled her in.
Light, whispers of touches along her cheek slowly pulled her from sleep, the warm, early morning rays pouring from the window, filtering through her eyelids, calling her to awaken.
Her eyes fluttered open and found that she was still wrapped up tight in Levi's arms, having kept his promise to her to hold her as long as she needed. The thought warmed her, love for him flowing through her, the act further proof that he was a kind person at heart who just didn't always know how to show it, and only tried to show it to those who had earned the right.
She registered his hand on his face, thumb stroking almost absently against her cheek, doing his best to soothe her and keep her calm as she slept.
As she thought back to the night before, she realized he must have been shaken by her nightmare, the sound of his worried voice, his shaky hands filtering back into her mind. She'd had nightmares in the past, and they became more frequent at times, though this was the first one she'd had since she started sleeping in Levi's room.
She tilted her head up, saw that he was staring off ahead of him, clearly lost in thought. She brought her hand up to graze along his cheek, bringing his gaze to her, and she could see the concern still in them.
"Are you alright?"
She nodded, the points of contact with him helping remind her that she was safe. "I'm fine now, Levi. I'm not sure where that nightmare came from. I've never had one about him before."
He cleared his throat, avoiding her gaze. "It might have been because of…because of what we did last night."
She flushed at the reminder, how she'd touched herself in front of him, how she'd held him in her hands, the sounds he'd made, how it had felt to touch him, the exhilarating feeling of pushing him towards his release.
She swallowed thickly, though she was as determined as ever. "Be that as it may, like I said, I have no intention of stopping."
His eyes came back to her, worry still present in them, not wanting her to push too far. "Whatever you want, just take it slow. I…I don't want you to hurt yourself."
Her thumb brushed across his face. "Don't worry, Levi. I promised you I wouldn't do anything I didn't feel ready for, and I intend to keep that promise."
Needing to go talk to Hange, she leaned up to brush a kiss on his cheek before rising, leaving his office, and making her way back to her room.
In the bathroom she swallowed when she looked in the mirror and saw the mark on her neck, flushing at the reminder at everything that had happened the night before, though she couldn't stop the elated smile from passing over her face.
She made quick work of cleaning up and changing, making sure she wore a shirt with a high enough collar to hide the mark, before walking to Hange's office, letting herself in, never feeling the need to knock on her door.
Hange was sitting at her desk, scribbling across some papers sitting in front of her. She glanced up, noting her friend's nervous expression.
A concerned look passed over her face. "Isa, what is it?"
"I…I need to talk to you about something." She sat in a chair in front of Hange's desk. Unsure of how to phrase it, the words blurted out of her, not bothering to ease into it. "I…I have this ability that allows me to see Levi's memories."
She watched Hange's jaw drop, surprise filling her eyes.
"You can what?" Her voice came out in a shocked squeak.
Guilt was already filling her, eyes coming down to look at her hands tightly clasped together in her lap. "I can see Levi's memories."
"I…you…how?"
Any other time and Isa might have been amused at Hange's struggle to form a sentence, but in the moment, it only added to the guilt inside her at never having told her best friend.
"I don't know how I got the ability, it's something my parents apparently could do and it was passed on to me. When I'm touching Levi and ask to see something specific, if it's in his memories, I see it." Voice apologetic, she desperately hoped she hadn't ruined their friendship.
"Why did you never tell me?" The shock had left Hange's voice, now only filled with hurt that her best friend had kept something so important from her.
"I…it never came up. I didn't know how."
Hange could understand that, knowing that Isa had trouble with these sorts of things, but that didn't change how much it hurt. "Isa, we tell each other everything. I've told you things I've never told anyone else."
"I know, Hange, I have too." Her voice cracked as she spoke, wavering with guilt. "I'm so sorry, I just didn't know how to bring it up."
Hange sniffled, trying to fully understand how Isa could have kept something like this from her. "How long have you known?"
Isa's eyes darted up to Hange's before darting away, struggling to keep eye contact with her friend. "Over…over two years."
"Two years!" Hange's voice came out in a broken squeak.
Isa flinched at the pain in Hange's voice, shame filling her as she nodded.
Hange blew out a breath, not angry with Isa, though she could tell Isa was afraid she was. "I…I need some time to think about this, Isa."
Fear filled Isa, eyes coming up to meet Hange's, lip trembling as tears threatened to fall. "I…I don't want to lose you Hange." Her voice was a broken whisper as she spoke.
She hated that she was making this about her, but she wanted Hange to know how much she meant to her.
Hange's face relaxed, understanding filling her eyes. "Isa, you'll never lose me, I promise. I love you, you're my sister, you always will be. But I still need some time to process this. Just…just give me some time."
Isa nodded, rising to leave the room, pausing at the door as she turned to face over her shoulder. "Erwin wants to meet with you and me today after training. He…he's having me test out my ability on people to see who it works on."
Hange nodded, silently telling Isa she would be there.
Isa took a breath and walked out the door.
Guilt remained present inside her as she moved through the day. It was rare for her to fight with Hange, and she hated doing it. She was afraid that one day she would do something that would end with her losing her best friend, her sister.
Isa didn't know what she would do if she ever lost Hange's friendship. It meant more to her, than anything in the world. Hange had been her first friend, had accepted her without question, had always been there for her, the way Isa was always there for Hange.
Hange had held her during training when she'd woken from nightmares of her past, never asking questions, waiting patiently for Isa to feel ready to tell her.
This was different though. This wasn't a painful memory of her past, and she should have told Hange right after she saw that first memory of Levi's. Hange had every right to feel hurt, and Isa hated, more than anything, that she'd hurt her best friend.
Back when she and Levi had arrived from the Underground would have been the perfect time to tell Hange, but she hadn't known how, and had simply said that she'd wanted to try to find a journal her mother had left for her, one that told her parents' story.
After training, she made her way to Erwin's office, leaning against the wall, arms crossed tight in front of her as she waited for Hange to show.
She looked up at the light footsteps and saw Hange approaching, fear and guilt swirling inside her.
Hange walked right up to her wrapping her arms tight around Isa, and relief flooded through her as she wrapped her own arms around her.
She let her cheek rest on top of Isa's head. "It's okay, Isa. I…I understand. It hurts that you didn't tell me, but I know it can't have been easy."
Isa forced herself to tell Hange exactly what she meant to her. "Hange, you're my best friend, and I…I love you, more than anything. You've always been there for me. You mean the world to me. I swear to you, I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how."
A soft smile came across Hange's face, knowing how hard it was for her small friend to share how she felt, though she'd never understood why, assuming it had something to do with how horrible her childhood was. "I know, Isa, I love you too. We'll always be best friends, sisters, no matter what, I promise."
Isa was relieved that all was forgiven with Hange, hating whenever she did something to upset her best friend.
Isa pulled back, knocking on Erwin's door, letting him know that she and Hange were there to continue testing her ability. Inside, she saw that Levi was already there, waiting.
Hange, the ever-curious human that she was, wanted to see Isa's ability for herself, so Isa did the same as she'd done with Erwin and Mike, holding Levi's hand and asking for memories she'd already seen.
Hange wanted to know more, how it worked, why it happened, everything. Isa told her there wasn't much to know, that all she and Levi had found in her old home was a letter from her mom that didn't explain much, so she had no answers for Hange's questions.
When she tested her ability with Hange, the same thing that had happened with Mike, happened with Hange.
Nothing.
She tried several times, Hange giving her all kinds of memories to try, but nothing worked.
She wasn't able to see the memories of her best friend, and she was both relieved and frustrated. Like Erwin and Hange, she wanted to know who else this ability could work on.
Will I ever find my mom's journals? Will I ever learn more about this ability?
Over the course of the next couple of weeks, the Scouts continued their preparations for the upcoming expedition. Despite Hange and Isa's efforts, Erwin continued to deny their requests to capture one or two small titans while outside the walls.
Isa understood why he was hesitant in doing so, but she felt they could gather important information from the titans, and she agreed with Hange that it was worth the risk. She just didn't know how to convince him to do so, and she worried that Hange might go off on her own on the next expedition, in an attempt to capture a titan.
Hange had never done something like that, but Isa could tell that Hange was desperate, needing to know more. There were times where a hungry look came into Hange's eyes, a hunger for knowledge, and it scared Isa sometimes, though she was grateful for Moblit's help in keeping Hange…relatively contained.
The days were normal for Isa, but most nights were spent with Levi as they worked to help her mind adjust to having someone else touch her, turning her experiences when it came to sex more positive. Their interactions remained the same as the first one, but now she wanted to test how far she'd come.
She fully intended on keeping her promise to Levi and not do anything she wasn't ready for, but she was also determined to keep pushing forward, refusing to let him win, refusing to let her mind take over, but she also needed to know if she'd made any progress.
After that first night, she'd had a couple more nightmares, but they'd finally stopped, and she hoped they wouldn't return. Each time, Levi had woken her from them, and he'd refused to touch her until she asked, not wanting to scare her further while she was still pulling herself from the nightmare back to reality.
He always held her when she asked and didn't let go until she woke the next morning, making sure she was alright, doing his best to comfort, to soothe, to remind her that he was always there for her, the ways she was always there for him.
It warmed her each time, to see how sweet and caring he could be, how he tried. She could tell there were some things he still felt awkward with when it came to being affectionate, but she didn't mind, just as he didn't mind when she was nervous with the sexual side of their relationship.
She tried out her ability with Nanaba, Nifa, Eld, and Gunther, all people she could trust, but it didn't work with them. She wasn't sure who else she was willing to try with. The rest of the Scouts she wasn't as familiar with.
The only reason she'd been able to try with those four, was because Nanaba and Nifa were close friends of hers, and Levi trusted Eld and Gunther.
She was grateful that Erwin hadn't pressed her to try with people she didn't trust, even though she knew he was eager to see who else this ability would work with.
She wasn't sure who these "certain people" were supposed to be. So far, the only person it had worked with was Levi, and she wasn't sure what his connection to this was supposed to be. She knew he didn't know much about his past, so she didn't have much to go off of.
She wondered if it had to do something with coming from the Underground, but that didn't make sense to her, because this had never happened with Furlan or Isabel.
She'd also noticed something. There were times where she felt a flash of pain whenever she saw certain memories of Levi, and she had a suspicion that if the memory was painful, then it would cause pain to her.
She was sitting on his couch next to him, a cup of warm tea in her hands after another long day of training and research behind them. She'd helped him clear out his own paperwork, as she now did most nights, though it had taken some convincing on her part to get him to accept her offer to help.
She'd finally let her stubbornness take over one night, insisting that he let her help him more often. She'd watched as his eyes filled with warmth and amusement, called her a stubborn pain in the ass, but relented. She'd said that if anyone was stubborn it was his grouchy ass, but was relieved that he was letting her help him.
Her stubbornness is what allowed him to have some more spare time to relax, which he chose to spend with her. They sat looking into the fireplace, his arm was around her, holding her close to him as he always did, her head resting on his shoulder. She took a sip of the tea he'd made her, relishing in the taste, before setting it on the coffee table in front of them.
She sat up, angling her body to face him, tucking her leg underneath her, watching as he turned his head to meet her eyes.
She hated that she was asking him of this, not wanting to cause him pain, but she needed to know, and he was the only person her ability worked on. "There's something I want to try with this…ability of mine. A theory I want to confirm, but only if you're willing."
"What is it?"
She looked at the ground, brow furrowing, unsure of where to start or even how to explain. "I've noticed that there are times when I feel pain in my head for different reasons than being overwhelmed with too much emotion or trying to see too many memories. I think it has to do with the type of memory, if it's a more painful one. I want to test it out, but only if you're willing."
She brought her earnest eyes back to his, resting a hand on his face, letting her thumb stroke against his cheek. "I know seeing those painful memories aren't easy for you, and I would never, ever make you do something you aren't willing to do."
He shrugged, not bothered in the slightest by her request, willing to help her learn. "It's fine, if it means you can understand this ability of yours better, I'm okay with it."
She searched his face for any sign of hesitation, nodding when all she saw was calmness. "Okay, only if you're sure."
"I am."
She moved her hand down from his face to rest on his shoulder. "All I need, is a memory you're okay with me seeing."
He thought for a moment, and she could tell he was filtering through his memories, looking for one that was painful. "How about," he took a breath, "how about that first expedition?"
Her eyes widened, worry filling them, knowing that was probably one of his most painful memories. "Are you absolutely sure about that?" Her eyebrows drew together. "I know that was hard for you. I don't want to hurt you."
Leaning up he brushed his lips across her forehead. "Don't worry about me, I'll be okay." He murmured.
She nodded, mentally preparing herself for her own grief. Even though his arm was still around her, she took his hand in hers, needing to give him some comfort, knowing this was going to be hard on him.
I want to see when Levi saw Isabel and Furlan die.
A flash of light exploded behind her eyes, a hard jab of pain that had her crying out, one worse than she'd ever experienced from simply accessing a memory, and then black.
She's back outside the walls, on his very first expedition, and she can see him, riding alone through the fog that had formed from the rain, setting an eerie atmosphere across the land.
She can feel his frustration and irritation as he struggles to find Erwin.
He comes across carnage and realizes he must have passed by a group of titans.
She can feel his fear, his horror, when he sees the giant footsteps heading back in the direction he'd come from, towards his two best friends.
He pushes his horse forward, and his desperation to reach them in time emanates off of him in fierce waves.
She can see them in the distance and can see herself as she tries to help save Furlan who is stuck under his horse.
She watches as Isabel speeds forward to save him, her desperation and determination to save her friend filling her.
She feels Levi's anger and devastation as they both watch the titan slam its face down onto Isabel, devouring her.
She feels something new coming from Levi, icy hatred, and she notices that he's seen Derek holding her back, restraining her, slicing off her gear, and leaving her in the path of a titan.
She sees Furlan race to save her, and she can feel his desperation to save her, and something else, but she doesn't know what it is she feels coming from him.
He barely makes it in time, but in saving her, he risks his own life as the titan grabs onto him.
She feels Levi's need to protect coming off of him, to protect Furlan and to protect her.
Even though they hadn't been close, something had triggered his need to protect the small woman.
He doesn't make it in time to save Furlan, and she can practically feel his heart shatter with grief as he watches his best friend get shoved into a titan's mouth.
He tears through the titan, pulling out his best friend's mangled corpse.
She feels the determination fill him, not wanting someone else to die if he can help it, especially someone who had no way to protect themselves.
But there's something else filling him, she can sense it guiding him, guiding his movements, and she doesn't know what it is, but she can feel it giving him more strength and speed as he starts to move.
She watches once again as he tears through the remaining titans, spinning, flying, speeding through the air, his angered and agonized grunts surrounding them, and she can tell that he's temporarily locked away all emotion, focusing only on killing the titans.
He finishes off the final titan and lands on the ground.
As the adrenaline fades, his emotions explode off of him, and she stumbles back, the emotions pouring out of him more intense than anything she's ever sensed.
Grief.
Agony.
Pain.
Frustration.
Hatred.
More emotion than any person should ever be able to feel in a single instant, but it is there, and she feels it.
She's always known he feels as deeply as any other person, if not more, and this is her proof of that.
She came back, and found herself hunched over once again, fingers pressing at the bridge of her nose, her other hand covering her eyes as she fought back the intense pain that was threatening to rear its nasty head. Without asking this time, Levi pulled her close, draping her legs over his lap, and holding her tight, stroking lightly at her hair.
She nuzzled into his neck as she waited for the sharpness to fade, a relieved sigh escaping her when it finally did. "I'm okay, Levi, thank you."
"I'm sorry," he murmured.
Her head came up, confused, and saw the hint of guilt in his eyes. "Why are you sorry?" She should be the one apologizing, it was his memory, and she knew it had to hurt to see his friends' deaths all over again.
"I didn't realize that one would cause you so much pain."
She let her head rest back against his shoulder. "It's fine, I needed to know, and now I do. I think it was just because of how much you felt in that moment, how horrible the memory was, but I'm okay now, I promise."
She couldn't stop the content hum at the feel of his fingers running through her hair, the feel of it always wanting to make her purr.
She could feel herself slowly relaxing, the tension leaving her muscles. "I…I didn't realize you wanted to protect me then."
She felt his breath huff out in amusement. "I may not have fully trusted you, but I wasn't going to let you die because of that bastard."
It had been more than that, she'd sensed it, but she wasn't sure how to explain what she'd felt coming from him, just that he'd had a strong need to protect her, the way he'd wanted to protect Furlan or Isabel.
She glanced down and saw his hand resting on her knee, only just now registering the warm weight of it. She reached out, taking it in hers, needing, wanting the extra contact.
She brought it up in front of her, pressing her palm against his, fingers lining up, and she was still amazed at how much bigger his hand was compared to hers. She could feel the heat of it searing into her, and she couldn't help but shiver now that she knew what it felt like to have the roughened palms and fingertips run across her bare skin.
She watched as he linked his fingers with hers, following the movement as he brought their hands to his lips so he could press a kiss to the back of her hand, before letting them rest on his chest. Her head now tilted up to look at him, heart clenching in her chest at the act, watching the flickering shadows dance across his face.
He brought his forehead down to rest on hers. "You know I would never do anything to hurt you, right?"
She swallowed at the warmth, the promise in his eyes. She brought her other hand up to his face, letting it rest there, loving the way he pressed against it ever so slightly.
She brushed her thumb across his cheek, an affectionate smile filling her face. "I know, Levi, don't worry."
She could see the relief come into his eyes, and she hated that he still seemed to think that she may one day be afraid of him. She knew that would never happen, she could never be afraid of him.
Needing to soothe, she tilted her head up further, brushing his lips with hers, slowly reassuring him, letting her love for him guide her as she deepened the kiss, wishing he could finally understand that there was no way she could ever be afraid of him.
She pulled back, looking into his eyes, thumb caressing at the shadows under them. "Levi, I'm going to promise you something."
She watched his eyebrows knit in confusion.
She took a deep breath. "I promise you, that I will never, ever be afraid of you. It will not happen, I promise."
She could tell he was having trouble believing her, not because he doubted she meant her promise, but because there was no way she could know that. "How can you be sure?"
Because I love you.
Even though that was the main reason why she could never be afraid of him, she wasn't ready to tell him, didn't know how, wanted to enjoy what she had with him. It was already more than she'd ever expected, ever dared to dream of. Even though they hadn't been together for long, it was already more than what she'd read about in her books, the ones they'd told her didn't happen in real life, but now she had proof that they did, that real life was even better than the books.
So she pushed the thought from her mind, keeping her face and eyes reassuring. "Because, Levi, I just know. Nothing you could do, nothing you've ever done will ever scare me. And I will keep reminding you of this, so that you don't forget."
Her heart clenched when his face and eyes softened, that beautiful warmth coming back to them as he looked down at her.
He leaned down, pressing his lips onto hers, enjoying the way she sighed into his mouth, in the way she relaxed and surrendered to him. It felt as if he could go the rest of his life doing nothing more than this.
When he pulled back, a shy smile crossed her face, eyes full of affection, face flushing slightly as she relished in the feel of being together with him, loving that the risk she'd taken all those weeks ago had paid off in the best possible way. She wanted his hands on her again, wanted to keep trying, to keep getting closer to what she wanted.
Having no idea how to seduce, she simply resorted to standing and pulling Levi to his bedroom by his hand, knowing he would get the message, face flushing when his breath huffed out in amusement. She laid back on the bed, but she stopped him with her hand on his arm when he moved to lay next to her.
He looked at her brows knit in confusion. "What is it?"
Face flushing, she avoided his gaze, trying to figure out how to phrase what she wanted. She still hated having to guide him, to tell him what she wanted. She just wanted to be at the point where it could just flow normally.
His hand came to her face, coaxing her gaze back to his. She could see the understanding in his eyes as he spoke, knowing he knew how difficult it was for her to do this. "Just take a breath and tell me what you want."
She took a breath, the words spilling out of her. "I want you to touch me however you want. I want to see how far you can go." Even though it was what she wanted, she still felt nervous, but it needed to be done.
His eyes widened, and she could tell he didn't like the idea.
She brought her hand up to stroke at his cheek, reassuring him. "I need to know if I've made any progress."
"I…I don't want to hurt you."
She brought her other hand up, cupping his face, wanting him to see the seriousness in her face and eyes. "I know, and you won't. Nothing you do could ever hurt me. Even if something happens, it will not be your fault. The only person at fault is locked up in a cell. We won't know unless we try, and I need to know."
Understanding filled his eyes, though the concern and worry still remained present. "Only if…only if you're sure, Isa."
She nodded, looking up at him as she held his gaze, silently reminding him that she could never be afraid of him, no matter what happened. "I am, I promise."
He leaned down, capturing her lips with his, gently easing any nerves that may have been lingering in her. Bringing her arms up, she wrapped them around his neck, brushing at the undercut on the back of his head, loving the difference in feel between the shorter hair, and the longer strands on top of his head. His own hand came up to her waist, grazing along it, shifting slightly so that he could cup her breast over her shirt, testing the waters, making sure he wasn't hurting her.
When nothing happened at his touch, she could have sobbed from the relief that filled her, even if it was only over her shirt, instead, a content sigh fell from her into his mouth at the feel of him touching her without her having to guide him. Her breath hitched when she felt him circle her nipple with his thumb, teasing it into a peak, the texture of her shirt coupled with the heat of his hand sending delicious sensations gliding their way to her core, arousal beginning to pool.
Trailing his mouth from her lips down the side of her neck, she shivered at the tingles that moved through her when he passed over the sensitive spot. Her hands moved to brush through his hair, down to his shoulders, stroking lightly, loving the feel of his muscles underneath his shirt.
She felt his hands drift down from her breast, trailing down her sides, as he made his way to her pants, and she realized he wanted to test everywhere before moving too far. Something inside her-something almost instinctual-had her shifting so her legs opened slightly, giving him room to do what he wanted.
His hand traced down the side of her leg, before moving to the inside, trailing back up, before cupping her gently over her pants, his other hand clenching in the sheets beside her head at the feel of her heat against his hand, hotter than he could have ever expected, and this was only over her pants.
Before she even had the chance to enjoy the feel, to look forward to more, it happened.
An unwanted hand in her pants, groping at her.
The restraining hand holding her wrists captive so she couldn't fight back.
The deranged, delusional look in his face as he told her that he liked how she was playing hard to get.
The fearful whimper escaped her before she could stop it, and he snatched his hand from her, bringing it up to rest beside her head, pulling his head up to look down at her, worry and guilt filling his eyes.
Despite the tears in her eyes, despite the small traces of fear inside her, the slightest hint of relief came through, her teeth catching her lip as she smiled up at him.
His brow furrowed, confused at the conflicting emotions he saw on her face. "Why the hell are you smiling?"
"Because, Levi, it's working." Joy was underlining her voice at the realization that she was making progress, that what they were doing was working. "You…you got further than you did before, don't you see?"
She could see the awareness come to his eyes when he saw the truth in her words.
The faintest of smiles curled his lips, clearly relieved that what he'd suggested was helping her. "I guess it is working."
Excitement was filling her, pushing out the fear inside her. She didn't want to stop, desperate to keep making progress. "I…I want to keep going. So I guess just stick with what didn't trigger anything, like you've been doing. If…if I want to try anything more, I'll show you like I've been doing."
He leaned down to press his lips to her forehead, hand coming up to tuck some hair behind her ear. "Whatever you want, as long as you're comfortable."
Her smile turned affectionate, hand reaching up to brush at his hair, more proof that he truly was a kind person, even if he didn't believe it. "I am, I promise. I don't want to stop."
When he pressed his lips to hers once again, she melted into him, running her hands through his hair, loving the content sigh that fell from him into her mouth. She didn't know what it was, but for some reason, he seemed to enjoy it when she ran her fingers through his hair, whether it be during moments such as this one or randomly.
This time his hands moved under her shirt, coming up to gently knead at her breasts, teasing them, brushing his thumbs across her nipples, sending aches and pulls through her system, the tension beginning to build ever so slightly. A pleased hum fell from her as she relished in the feel of him touching her without having to guide him, overjoyed to have made even the smallest of steps.
He pulled his mouth from hers, tracing his lips across her jaw, down to the base of her neck, leaving more marks on her, claiming her as his. A soft moan escaped her at the feel, not caring how hard it was to find a shirt that would cover up the marks, she loved the idea that he wanted to claim her as his, mark her as his, something she'd always thought would never happen. When he scraped his nail across the rigid tip of her breast, she couldn't stop the short gasp at the sensation, followed by a humming sigh as he kept scraping lightly across it.
She desperately hoped she never got used to the feel of his hands on her, the sensations coursing through her she never wanted to lose.
But she wanted to try more.
"Levi…I…I want…" She didn't know how to say it, still not used to having to tell him what she wanted.
"Whatever you want, just take a breath, and tell me." His breaths tickled across the sensitive spot of her neck as he spoke, sending a shiver through her.
She exhaled and the words spilled out of her, once again, she was unable to stop them. "I want your mouth on me."
He pulled his head up, and the searing heat in his eyes had her blood running hot, telling her this was something he'd wanted too, telling her he wanted to touch and taste as much as she wanted to touch and taste, and it helped ease her nerves at the request.
"Only if you're sure."
Desire clenched tight inside her at the huskiness in his voice, relieved that this was something he wanted as much as she did. She brought his hand to the hem of her shirt, silently telling him she wanted him to pull it off her.
"I'm sure," she murmured.
He leaned back so he could drag her shirt up, and she couldn't help the shivers, the tingles under her skin as he let his fingers trail along the smooth skin, slowly revealing her to him. Even though he'd already seen her naked, this time she wasn't distressed and broken. Instead, this time they were together, and it was about experiencing anything and everything they could as they moved her past the trauma she'd suffered.
When she saw the hunger come into his eyes as he drank her in, she sucked in a breath. It was the same way she'd taken in the sights the first time she'd seen him, and the way he looked at her had ripples of golden heat flowing under her skin, an aroused flush creeping up her chest and neck. He pulled his eyes up to hers, and she could see his silent question, needing to make sure this was what she wanted. Excitement filled her as she nodded, eager for new sensations, eager to feel his mouth on her, the way she'd imagined so many times but never thought would happen.
He leaned down, teasing her lips with his again, before brushing them across her jaw as he brought his hands up to graze across the bare skin of her stomach, her waist, her sides, her skin quivering at the sensations as he helped her adjust to the feel of him touching her without her shirt as a barrier to his eyes.
Her eyes fluttered shut, hands coming up to thread themselves gently in his hair, a hushed, breathy moan fell from her as he pressed his lips against the pulse point of her neck and his thumbs teased her nipples again, scraping his nails lightly across the tips, sending shivers down her spine.
A content sigh escaped her when his lips slowly trailed down to tease across the tops of her breast, before gliding across the tender flesh with his lips and tongue, slowly working his way to her sensitive nipples. The feel of his hot mouth roaming across her, tasting her for the first time sent arrows of heat to her center. His other hand still teased her other breast, thumb grazing across the rigid tip, and the combination of touches were pulling needy moans from her, filling the air around them.
If she'd thought the feel of his hands had been dizzying, his mouth and tongue were scorching her, her skin burning hot, the aching tension building even more. She'd never realized how sensitive her breasts and nipples were. She'd rarely given them much attention, but the heat pulsing through her had her reconsidering. She half wondered if there was a way to reach her peak through him kissing, licking, and touching her breasts alone.
With the way she reacted to him, she wouldn't be surprised.
She felt him latch on to a spot on her breast, sucking as he had on her neck, and a choked whimper fell from her lips, loving the feel of him continuing to mark and claim her as his. The feel of his mouth suckling on the tender flesh had more of those delicious pulls moving through her, adding to the throbbing between her legs. When he nipped lightly at her nipple, her back arched at the flaming hot arrow that shot straight to her core as a throaty moan escaped her. The grip of her fingers in his hair tightened, loving the new sensations washing through her.
She could feel the ache growing further, no longer embarrassed at how easily she reacted to him, now focusing on enjoying how her body responded to him. It had helped when he'd told her he had strong reactions when it came to her. She'd also noticed he seemed to enjoy the way she responded to his touches, as if it thrilled him how easily he could make her moan, the way it thrilled her to hear his own sounds of pleasure when she had her hands on him.
She whimpered, unable to control the way her legs shifted together, needing friction, needing release. Her hand slowly made its way to her pants, before pausing, still needing a push, despite how much she enjoyed doing this in front of him.
His lips moved from her breast to brush up beside her ear, whispering. "Do it. Touch yourself. Make yourself come."
Shivering, her eyes snapped open to see him watching her before leaning down to lick at her nipple, and the sight coupled with the feel had desire curling tighter in her stomach, the aroused flush across her face and chest deepening, breath hitching. She slid her hands into her pants, no longer embarrassed at how wet she was. Even though they hadn't done as much as she would have liked, she knew that no one else would ever make her feel this way from the simplest of touches.
Bringing her finger up to her clit, she began to circle lightly, trying to slowly build her way to her peak, but she was impatient, and she quickly picked up the pace, breathy pants beginning to fall from her as she felt herself draw closer. She never gave herself time to draw it out, make it last, always too needy and desperate for release, especially after having met Levi. It made her wonder if he'd tease her, draw it out, wanting to know how it would feel to be at his mercy, to be in his control, to finally not have to guide him all the time, and let him take over, allowing her to show how much she trusted him.
She could feel the knot tightening and building, the intensity increased by his added touches, a heated moan escaping her when he latched onto her nipple and sucked, his tongue teasing it as he did. Her back arched at the fierce pull that threatened to undo her and shove her over the edge. Instead, she forced herself to pull her hand out of her pants, grabbing his hand and guiding it just under the hem of her panties, wanting to try, wanting his touch.
His head shot off her, looking down at her to meet her eyes, and she could see the heat in them, though, once again, they carried the same silent question.
She nodded, letting him know she wanted him to take over, wanting to try, eager to push herself as far as she could, hoping that each step she took was bringing her closer to what she wanted. Watching as he took a breath, she felt his hand slide down further between her legs. She couldn't stop the desperate moan that fell from her at the feel of his fingers gliding through her folds for the first time, sliding back up to lay at her clit, not pushing any further than what she'd already been doing.
The heat of his hand was reeling, her head spinning at finally feeling his hand where she'd longed most for it. Even though she knew she must be soaked, she felt no embarrassment, only excitement at what was about to happen.
He slowly let the pad of his middle finger begin to gently circle around the sensitive bundle of nerves, building her pleasure back up, testing, teasing, learning what she liked, the way she had with him. Propping herself up on her elbows, her legs spread wider to give him easier access within the confines of her pants as helpless whimpers escaped her, all sense of shame and embarrassment gone at the feel of his hand on her.
He watched her face, eyes searing into hers that had glazed over with pleasure, all her trust in him. She relished in the feel of her mind letting her have this, the feel of his roughened fingertip sending ripples of glorious heat through her, doing more for her than her own ever could, breathy pants now falling from her parted lips.
"Kiss me," she whimpered, eyes begging him, needing more contact with him.
He pressed his mouth onto hers, teasing her as he drove her closer to the edge, and a choked whimper fell from her when his other hand came up to tease her nipples once again, bringing them to tight peaks, hot arrows firing to her center. When he picked up the pace, finger now moving in faster, tighter circles against her clit, a deep, throaty moan poured from her into his mouth, before her head fell back, chest heaving, hands clenching tight in the sheets below her as she felt the knot tightening even more than it had before.
He latched onto the exposed skin of her neck, once again, marking her as his as he sucked at the soft flesh, her breath hitching at the feel. Breathy, high-pitched moans now escaped her parted lips, feeling herself get closer and closer, relishing in the feel of him taking her there, almost delirious at the feel of not being in charge of her own pleasure.
His lips tickled her ear as he whispered a calm command to her. "Look at me. I want to see your face when you come."
She shivered at his tone as it sent a warmth through her, his words sending a different heat through her, all spurring the building tension, and it took every ounce of effort for her to lift her head back up to meet his searing gaze, eyes unfocused, lost in the heat rushing through her as the tension inside her continued to build.
The look she barely registered on his face coupled with a firm stroke was all it took to shove her over the edge, the knot inside her bursting, her hips spasming against his hand at the burning tension. Her eyes stayed on his face though they blurred completely, nothing registering except the waves crashing over her, her low, throaty moan filling the air.
There was only one thought that made it through the glorious fog in her mind.
Is there anything he isn't good at?
When the waves started to settle, she could feel his finger still circling her, and her hazy eyes widened, a desperate whimper fell from her when she realized he was determined to fling her over the edge again, determined to make this as good as possible as they both worked to find ways to make this positive for her, to show her mind that she was safe with him. She was surprised at how easily she could feel herself getting close again, a needy moan falling from her as she begged him not to stop. It was rare for her to be able to push past the sensitivity and keep going on her own, but his skilled fingers somehow worked her through that, and she could feel the knot tightening faster than it had before.
Barely having recovered from the first when she was thrown over the next peak, an intense wave that had his name falling from her lips on a choked cry, fists clenching even tighter on the sheets, back arching as her head fell back, hips involuntarily twitching against his hand as he slowed his pace, easing her back down. Slumping back into the mattress, her chest heaved as her breaths slowed, a glorious hum flowing through her as her eyes fluttered open to see him smirking at her, clearly having enjoyed her response to him. She couldn't stop the satisfied smile from forming on her face, a pleased hum escaping her.
She relished in the post orgasmic bliss that had been brought by him, and it removed all trace of nerves for the moment. Shoving him onto his back, her hands yanked his shirt off him, reveling at the glorious, lean muscles that she was finally seeing for the first time. She could see the amusement ripple over his face at her sudden boldness, and it spurred her further. Always eager to learn, to try, her desires were reinforced by his constant patience with her, allowing her to grow more and more comfortable, encouraging her to focus on what she wanted to do, to what she felt was right, instead of worrying about what she was supposed to do.
Hovering over him she teased his lips with hers, a shiver coursing through her when her nipples grazed the hot muscles of his chest. She looked down at him, loving the desire on his face, in his eyes. Her hand brushed through the hair on his forehead, loving the content sigh that escaped him, her fingers grazing lightly down his cheek, thumb tracing his lips, looking forward to the day where he'd finally be able to use his mouth on her. Judging by the way he'd used his mouth on her breasts, she could only imagine how it would feel between her legs, something she'd read about and always wondered about, something else she wanted to experience with him, though it made her nervous to think about.
She leaned down, her hair curtaining his face as she brushed her lips across his jaw, before moving down his neck, following a similar path he'd taken with her, elated with the way he shivered at the sensitive spot of his neck. His hand came up to stroke down her side, searing into her skin, leaving hot tingles in its wake, a soft sigh escaping her at the feel.
She sat back, tracing her hand down his chest and stomach, reveling in the way the lean muscles quivered at her light touch, wondering where the hell her nerves had gone, suddenly filled with a confidence she had yet to feel in her nights with Levi. Letting her hand lay over the bulge in his pants, she palmed him lightly, loving the feel of his hardened length straining against the fabric, his surprised grunt sending a hot flash through her.
She glanced up at him, a knowing, teasing smile crossing her lips. "What does my Captain want from his loyal and faithful subordinate? Does he want my hands on him?" The words fell off her tongue in a playful purr.
Where the hell did that voice come from?
And those words? Where the hell did those come from?
Holy shit that look on his face.
She couldn't suppress the shiver at the brazen desire all over his face, and it sent a warmth flowing through her that it was all for her. His eyes had turned molten at the sound of his title falling from her sultry voice, searing into hers, and it felt as if he could read through every thought, every emotion. Her heart raced at the sight, and she relished in the fact that she had put that look on his face.
She hadn't known that tone could fall from her, hadn't known it existed. She remembered back when she'd thought Levi could never be interested in her, that he would want someone sultry and seductive, yet here she was, somehow playing that role, and it felt so natural. There was a desperate need to please him filling her, to please her Captain, the way he had with her, to bring him his own bliss that she could still feel flowing through her. Words weren't needed from him. She could see the order in his eyes as they pierced into her, telling her what she already knew, telling her what he wanted her to do.
She couldn't disobey her Captain's orders.
Practically ripping off his belt, she tore into his pants, eager to deliver, eager to please him. She still felt nerves at the sight of him, still sometimes feared she'd mess up, but when those thoughts reared their nasty head, she shoved them aside, letting herself enjoy pleasing her Captain, knowing they weren't true, and she had some experience now to prove it.
Wrapping her fingers around his length, she started with a slow, steady pace, working to build up his pleasure, flushing as she felt him harden even further in her hand, desire tightening inside her as his breaths started to quicken. She kept her eyes steady on him, watching the way his eyes clenched tight, brow furrowed, as she let her thumb swirl around the tip every so often, the needy grunts falling from him sending a rippling heat through her. Her grip grew firmer, the strokes faster, and she relished in the sight of his head falling back, a husky groan escaping him, a hot thrill hitting her, loving that she did this to him, that she could affect him this way.
A mischievous look came into her eyes, lips curling in a sly smile, always looking for ways to tease him, curiosity overriding her desire to please. Just as he was about to reach his peak, she pulled her hand from him, moving to hover over him, loving the way his eyes snapped open, narrowing at her in suspicion.
Ignoring the look, she teased his lips with hers, before moving back across his jaw, down to the other side of his neck, growing bolder as she pressed tender kisses across his chest, the taut muscles quivering at the slightest pass of her lips. She wrapped him in her hand again as she trailed her lips across his neck, this time working her hand faster on his length. Heat shot through her when she heard a strained curse fall from his lips at the speed, threatening to shove him over the edge as his hands clenched tight in the sheets, but right as he was about to, she stopped, pulling her hand back, lifting her head to meet his eyes.
Loving this new way she could tease him, she could only smile innocently when he glared up at her, his molten eyes full of desire. She brought her hand back down, finger lightly circling his tip, enjoying the way his cock twitched against it.
"Don't tease me," he ground out through clenched teeth.
Still continuing the light touches on him, she leaned up to graze her lips across his once more, mouth brushing against his as she spoke, teasing eyes full of affection as her hair surrounded him again, unaware that her sweet, feminine scent was dizzying to him in that moment.
"But, Captain, it's so much fun," she cooed.
Despite the way he smirked at her, despite the strain in his voice, there was a humorous warning that came to his eyes. "Just remember whatever you dish out now, it's going to come back to you at some point."
The thought of being teased and toyed with by him sent a shiver down her spine, an intrigued hum came from deep in her throat.
"Maybe I want that." Her voice dropped to a lower, seductive tone as her mouth brushed across his cheeks.
Somehow, she had no problem voicing this desire, and wasn't entirely sure why, just as she wasn't entirely sure where this almost seductive version of herself had come from.
She let her finger trace around his tip, and down his length, his practically needy groan sent a hot rush rippling over her skin. The knowledge that she could tease him, make him crazy, sent a thrill arrowing through her. Her finger followed the same pattern, continuing to tease as she spoke, watching as his jaw clenched tight, brows furrowing at the faint touches.
"I'm not good at drawing things out for myself." Her lips pouted. "I get too impatient."
She gave his length a few teasing strokes, pulling back when he groaned, his hips bucking involuntarily, instead continuing to trace light patterns across him, loving the impatience that came to his eyes. "But with you in control, Captain, I'd have no choice."
She leaned in, lips brushing against his ear, her next words falling from her in a sultry whisper. "I'd be at your mercy."
Who the hell is this person speaking right now?
Is that me?
I didn't know I could sound like this…say words like this.
I don't even feel nervous saying this.
What the hell?
Despite the blazing desire in his eyes at having been denied release twice now, his brow quirked up in amusement, enjoying this new side of Isa only he got to see. "That, I can guarantee."
The husky promise in his strained voice sent shivers down her spine, looking forward to the day where she would be able to completely surrender to him. Telling him what she wanted, having to move past the nerves was exhausting, and she just wanted him to take control for a change, desperately hoping her mind would let her soon.
She let her hand wrap back around his length, starting slow once more, building the speed back up, finally letting him have his relief, his hips bucking against her hand, cock twitching as his release shot from him. His head fell back, eyes clenched tight, a drawn out, husky groan falling from him at the intensity of it, and she felt elated that she'd done that to him, that she had the ability to give him pleasure, and she wanted to keep doing just that.
She leaned up to brush light kisses across his face as he came back down, breaths slowing. His eyes opened to meet hers, and a pleased smile crossed her face, flushing slightly at the satisfied look on his. Grabbing his shirt, he gently wiped off her hand, just as he had each night. And just as she had each night, she took the shirt from him, wiping away his release, before tossing it onto the floor, tucking him back into his pants.
He flipped her onto her back, amusement and warmth filling his eyes. He leaned down to nip at her jaw. "I always knew you were a pain in the ass."
She giggled, arms coming up to wrap around his neck. "I have to live up to the reputation."
She looked up at him, her eyes full of love and affection as they stared into his, relishing the feel in having him above her, loving the way his face looked down at her as he hovered over her, caging her, protecting her.
"You do that without trying." He leaned closer, lips brushing against her ear, his heated murmur full of promises. "At some point you're going to pay for that."
She shivered at the thought, as she brought her lips against his ear, nipping lightly before speaking, her voice seductive once again as she spoke. "I look forward to it, Captain."
He lifted his head to meet her eyes, shaking it in amusement before leaning in, gently capturing her lips with his, and that same hazy fog came into her mind, the one that made it feel as if they were the only two people in the world. Their lips moved lazily together, both loving this time together where they were able to explore these new parts to their relationship, learning how to tease, how to drive the other insane, all while focusing on Isa and helping her move past the trauma she'd experienced.
His forearms moved to rest on either side of her head, caging her in further, his hand coming to her face to stroke at her cheek while her own laced into his hair, sighing at the feel of his gentle touches on her face. When he pulled back, that same shy giggle escaped her, lip caught lightly between her teeth. Cheeks reddening as she looked up at him, the almost bashful innocence completely contrasted the almost vixen-like person she'd been just moments ago.
Chuckling at the hidden version of Isa he'd discovered, intrigued by it, he rolled to his side, pulling her with him, and she settled against his chest.
She tilted her head up to look at him, chewing at her lip, still not sure where that sultry, teasing person had come from. When he met her eyes she spoke, a sheepish look crossed her face. "Was...was that okay?"
His lips twitched in amusement. "You don't have to ask that. Trust me to tell you if I don't like something, I promise."
A relieved look filled her face, not wanting to ever accidentally do something that he didn't like while she was learning. She let her head rest against his shoulder, enjoying the feel of his hot, bare skin, the feel of his arm around her bare shoulders. Reaching out, she grasped her hand into his, linking their fingers together and bringing it closer so she could kiss the back of it, before letting their hands rest against his chest.
It felt as if she could die happy just from being in his arms, the warmth of his skin keeping her warmer than any blanket ever could. Giddiness was flowing through her at how far she'd come, how far they'd been able to go, elated that his suggestion was working. Ever since they'd started easing her into it, she'd feared that she wouldn't make progress, that she'd never be able to be with him, the way she wanted to, without having to guide him or tell him everything she wanted.
Her heart swelled at the reminder of his promises to her, that he'd never give up on her, that he wouldn't stop wanting her, and he'd done so much more for her than she could have ever imagined. Even if she didn't always know what to do in certain situations of their relationship, it felt as if she were slowly growing more comfortable in focusing on doing what she wanted, what she thought was right, versus agonizing over what she was supposed to do.
Not wanting to leave just yet, but needing to clean up, she tilted her head up, pressing her lips against his cheek. "I'll be back in a little bit."
She could tell he didn't want to let her go, but he did, and she reached for her shirt, pulling it back over her. She rose, making her way out of his office, turning to look over her shoulder, an affectionate smile crossing her face when she saw him watching her, reminded of all the times she'd done just this, and had feared he didn't want her the way she wanted him.
But now she knew.
One thought crossed her mind before she walked out of the room, still unable to voice her feelings, though they were ever present in her eyes.
I love you, Levi.
There was no way for her to know that the warmth that came into her eyes in that moment always made his heart clench with something he still struggled to understand, was still trying to figure out.
Eager to be back with him, she quickly cleaned up and changed, practically racing through the halls to his office. When she was back in his room, he was waiting for her laying on his bed, lost in thought. She saw that he'd cleaned up as well, taking the time to change out the sheets as he always did. Settling in next to him, she loved the way he drew her closer, letting her snuggle into him as her head moved to rest on his shoulder. She nibbled at her lip, taking a breath for courage, before tilting her head up, flushing when she saw the amusement in his face. She leaned up, brushing her lips across his, before letting her head take its place against him once again.
How the hell do I go from…that person, whoever the hell that was, that teased him…to this person who still struggles to give him the simplest of kisses?
Will that ever go away?