He didn't want to tear his eyes from her for a second, but he didn't have a choice. He needed to get his squad and get moving as soon as possible.

The less time she was alone, out there in the dark, the better.

Levi spun from where Isa was riding off on Luna, stalking off in search of his squad, furious at Hange, frustrated with Isa, fearful for Isa, but he didn't let any of it show. One narrow-eyed glare from him had the nosy, stunned Scouts scrambling to look like they were busy doing something else, hoping it hadn't been obvious that they'd been listening in.

To be fair, they would have heard whether or not they'd been trying to.

He understood why she'd needed to go. He would have done the same for her, for Furlan, for Isabel.

What he didn't understand was why she couldn't wait five fucking minutes for him to get his squad so she wouldn't be alone. He'd been tempted to just go with her immediately, but he knew he needed to bring back-up, just in case. Anything could happen outside the walls, and the more people together, the better.

Dammit Isa. Why couldn't you just wait?

He found his squad sitting around a fire, eyeing him warily, clearly sensing his mood was at an all-time low.

Despite the harsh flurry of emotions raging inside him, he worked to keep his voice was calm and authoritative, though his tone held undercurrents of worry, too many emotions fighting to break through. "Get your stuff. We're heading out in two minutes. I'll explain on the way."

A chorus of 'yes sirs' filled the air as they scurried up, racing to their horses.

That was one of the things he appreciated about his squad members. No questions asked when they were told an explanation would be provided. They could understand when something was urgent.

They also most likely had heard the argument between him and Isa.

He honestly did not care if the whole branch heard them. All he cared about, in that moment, was getting her back safe, so he could hold her and remind himself that she was still alive.

He wanted to yell at her for putting herself in danger. For not thinking of herself.

For not waiting five fucking minutes.

He didn't know if he'd be able to let himself do that. He knew how he could get. He didn't want her to be afraid of him. Ever.

He wanted to beg her to never scare him like this again, ever. The fear he'd felt when she'd been kidnapped by Uma was nothing compared to the terror surging through him at the thought of her alone while outside the walls.

His squad was ready in less than what he'd asked for, and he nudged Spartan into a gallop, Eld, Gunther, and Amelia close behind him. After he'd lost those three members of his squad, he'd been hesitant to add anyone new, but Amelia had proven herself a strong soldier, quick and agile with ODM, and he'd added her to his squad right before this expedition.

As they rode, he called back to them, explaining everything that had happened, needing them to understand the severity and uncertainty of the situation. He had no idea what they would come across, and he only hoped that there were no issues.

If his squad felt uneasy or concerned about the situation, they didn't say anything.

Was it really only just this morning that we were lying in bed asleep?

He was drifting, as he usually was. Most of his sleep was never deep sleep, his mind always ready to wake in an emergency. Years of living in the Underground, having to sleep with one eye open, made it difficult to sleep.

The first thing he registered as he was slowly pulled from sleep was her smell. That sweet, feminine scent that was only ever around her, lingering in the room after she left, lingering on the bed where she slept.

One that he swore he could still smell even in places she hadn't been, as if the memory followed him everywhere.

The next thing that registered was her hand resting right above his heart. No matter where she put her hand before she fell asleep, it always found its way back to that spot. That same damn warmth filling him as it always did, always centering from wherever she was touching him.

He could feel her head resting on his shoulder. The tingles in his arm didn't bother him, it just meant he had someone to hold at night. Something he'd never expected to have. Something he'd never expected to want.

Yet here he was, a reformed criminal, holding this soft, sweet, beautiful woman as she slept, who, for some reason, wanted him as much as he wanted her. Something he'd long given up hope of having. Before their trip to the Underground, he'd long accepted that she would never be his, that they would always be simply friends. And he'd been happy to be that for her.

That day in the Underground, he'd been prepared to yell at her for wandering around alone. But when she'd hugged him, all his fear and anger had fled at the reminder that she was alive and safe. He'd understood why she'd left, but the thought of her being alone in that shithole was almost too much for him to handle. All the things that could have happened to her had played through his mind, knowing exactly the kind of scum that existed in the Underground.

She'd surprised him when she'd kissed him. It was rare for someone to surprise him, but she'd managed to. She was one of the few people who could catch him off guard. He'd been overwhelmed by her, the smell of her, the taste of her, nothing else registering, almost forgetting they were even in the Underground.

He'd been filled with a hope he'd only felt once before, that night of her birthday when she'd kissed him. Only this time, when he asked her why she'd done that, she'd asked him why he was asking a question he knew the answer to, and when his eyes had opened to meet hers, he'd been able to see the answering hope filling her face, shining in her eyes.

And he'd finally had his answer. He'd been unable to resist her, needed to taste again, to devour, to consume. To finally have what he'd wanted for so long, to be able to admit he wanted more with her, had filled him with an emotion he rarely felt, and only ever felt around her.

Joy.

When she'd told him she'd been afraid she'd disappoint him, she'd surprised him then too. She could never disappoint him, no matter what she did.

Despite how much he desired her, wanted her, he'd still refused to push her into anything she wasn't ready for. He could still hear the way those disgusting pigs had talked to his mother those times there hadn't been an empty room and he'd had to hide in the closet. How they'd treated her, forced her to do things she didn't want to do simply because they were paying her.

He remembered times where she would try to talk her clients out of it, but she'd never been able to, and she couldn't pass up the income. He could remember the times he'd woken up to his mother crying, distressed about what she had to do to survive. He'd done the only thing a child could think to do, which was to crawl into bed beside her, wrapping his short arms around her neck and just hold her.

Of all the things he could remember from his childhood, it had to be those things. She'd tried to hide it from him, but it had been hard in that tiny room of theirs. It was rare that she'd had to bring a client into their room, but sometimes, she'd had no choice, and he'd pretended he couldn't hear anything, for her sake.

He remembered other things, happier times, but it was those dark moments that truly stuck with him.

So he'd been content with simply being able to hold her whenever he wanted, to sleep next to her, wake up next to her. It was already more than he'd ever expected to have. When a person expected nothing, never expected to want a relationship with someone, it made them cherish the smaller things more.

He enjoyed being around her, listening to her talk, the way she didn't seem to need him to answer, yet he always found himself willing to talk more around her. Something about her made him more talkative.

Three sexual assault attempts by that pig, and he was surprised she even wanted to do anything. He wouldn't have blamed her in the slightest. And it wouldn't have changed how much he wanted to be with her in any way.

He hadn't been lying to her when he'd said sex wasn't all he wanted with her. He just wanted to be with her, however they decided what that meant.

He'd waited for her to make the decision of if and when she was ready to do anything more, leaving the choice in her hands. He was happy to do whatever she wanted, it was so easy to be patient with her. He'd been surprised at how soon she'd wanted to try, to push for more, and he'd been horrified when he'd touched her and it had brought back the memory of what that swine, that filth had done to her.

He hadn't known what to do to help her, but he'd needed to do something to calm her, so he'd suggested the first thing that had come to mind, which was for her to tell him what she wanted him to do.

The look on her face had told him the idea of doing that was terrifying for her, and he hated that it had to be that way. He could tell how difficult it was for her to even take that first step, and he knew it was unfair for her to have to constantly tell him what she wanted, but he'd known she'd be able to push through. He'd seen her strength time and time again.

After that first hurdle they'd had to jump over with her nerves, when she'd practically bolted from his office, clearly stunned at how strongly she'd reacted, at what she'd wanted to do, she'd surprised him with how insatiable she was, how eager she was to try, to learn, to discover what she liked, what he liked, what they both liked.

He still had the scratches on his back that proved just how eager and insatiable she was, not that he minded. Something had told him that she wouldn't be so timid and shy in bed, but he hadn't been expecting the teasing little vixen she was.

He hadn't known how much he would enjoy teasing her, denying her, the way she'd teased and denied him, which, he was surprised how much he'd enjoyed that. Despite the frustration, he'd enjoyed seeing that side of her, that teasing, sultry side of her.

Never would he have expected it to be so arousing to hear her call him 'Captain' in that voice of hers. The one that had him imagining taking her in all kinds of ways.

He hadn't known he could ever want a woman as much as he wanted her, but want her he did, and now that he'd had her, even though it had only been a week, he couldn't get enough of her, and only hoped she felt the same. He knew no other woman would ever satisfy him, he knew he'd never want another woman the way he wanted her, he would never feel this way about another woman, whatever it was that he felt for her. No one else would ever be able to compare to her, drive him insane with the chaotic tangle of emotions constantly buzzing inside of him.

Wanting to see her, he let his eyes slowly open, and he couldn't stop the smile that filled his face at the sight of her, fast asleep next to him. She looked so young, so delicate when she slept, yet he'd seen her strength, he'd seen it before she herself had even begun to realize how much of it she had. The contrast was intriguing.

Her brows were knit, and it made him want to kiss the spot between them, to see if he could smooth it. Her other hand was resting beside her head, curled up in a little fist. Whenever she held his hand, he was always surprised at how much smaller it was than his, though he could feel the strength in them, knew she was more than capable of anything.

He'd seen how capable her hands could be when she fought Uma, fought Derek, anytime she was outside the walls, and when she ruthlessly teased him, denied him. He'd imagined what it would be like to have her hands on him, had brought himself his own release at the thought of her hands on him, her mouth on him, to take her in all kinds of ways, but the reality of those soft hands on him, the reality of having her, was more than he could have ever expected.

He only hoped she felt the same.

He was relieved to see that she slept soundly, no signs of a nightmare. Those times where she'd screamed out in her sleep left him shaken, and he'd always been at a loss of what to do to comfort. That first one she'd had, where she'd screamed 'don't do this,' had been the most horrifying thing he'd ever heard come from her mouth, despite knowing she'd still been stuck in her nightmare. After that one, he'd refrained from touching her until she asked him to, never wanting to hear those words come from her directed to him—even if she hadn't known it was him—ever again.

He didn't want to wake her, she looked so peaceful, but they would be leaving soon, and there was still much to do to prepare. He felt his own nerves at the upcoming expedition. Now that he was finally with her, he feared she would be taken from him, and that he would be forced to live with one regret for the rest of his life.

That he'd never made a move sooner, the way he'd wanted to, time after time, but hadn't been certain it was what she wanted.

He brushed his lips across her forehead, her cheeks, and she shifted closer at the light touches, a sweet, content sigh falling from her. His hand came up to rest on the side of her face, thumb lightly brushing across the delicate skin. His eyes filled with amusement at the way she pouted as he pulled he from sleep.

"Come on, Isa, it's time to wake up," he whispered to her, lips brushing against her ear. It was always intriguing the way she shivered when he did this.

"I don't want to." Her sleepy voice was full of defiance. He'd never seen her unwilling to wake up. It reminded him of Isabel.

"Why?"

Her lips pouted even more, her full, lower lip sticking out, and it made him want to lean in and nibble at it. "Because the sooner I wake up, the sooner we have to leave."

"True, but the sooner we leave, the sooner we'll be back."

She groaned. "You make a good point, oh wise one."

He couldn't help the chuckle. Something about her, being around her made him smile more, laugh more, made him softer, more affectionate. He didn't mind at all if it meant seeing her smile, laugh, seeing the way her eyes would warm.

He flicked at her forehead, unsure what it was that made him do this, but always enjoying her reaction. "Don't sound so surprised."

He watched as those lips of hers quirked up in amusement. "Always so damn modest."

Long used to the routine, but never growing tired of it, he gave her the response he knew would make her laugh. "Always a pain in the ass."

She giggled. "Better than being a grouchy ass."

He watched as she sighed and slowly opened her eyes. Amusement filled him at the way the defiance and her teasing side left her, replaced by a shy smile that filled her face, her lip caught between her teeth in that way that always made him want to lean in and taste.

"Hi," she whispered.

He wasn't sure what it was that made her more bashful in the mornings, but it was amusing in the most endearing way. And then those shy greetings she'd give him when she did something new, something she wasn't used to, were always so amusing, when he knew how she could be when she was full of confidence, when her teasing side took over.

He loved every side of her he'd seen, and always looked forward to seeing other sides of her as he unlocked them, the sides of her only he got to see.

"Hi." His voice was warm. Sometimes it surprised him how warm and affectionate his voice sounded with her. He hadn't known he possessed the ability to sound this way. His voice only took this tone around her. He'd never even sounded this way around Furlan and Isabel.

Another sigh escaped her, full of reluctance. "I guess we should probably get up and get ready."

"You would guess right."

His heart stuttered at the way her face lit up in amusement. He couldn't believe she actually thought she was plain, she was the furthest thing from plain, not even close. It made him want to seek out those assholes who had fed that thought to her for years.

Her eyes held him captive the way they always did, the early morning sunlight casting a gentle glow around her as it filtered in through the window, her hair wild and free from sleep. He wished he knew how to give her those soft words that he felt, the ones she deserved, but he didn't know how. He'd never had those thoughts before, had only ever felt them around her. Whenever he tried, they only got caught in his throat.

When she brushed her lips across his cheek, he could do nothing to stop the tingles, the way his skin burned at the sweet touch. Such an odd feeling.

He only hoped she felt the same.

He watched as she rose and stretched, and he wanted nothing more than to drag her back underneath him and explore every inch of her. The way she reacted to the simplest of touches was exhilarating, arousing, relieving to know it wasn't just him. All those soft touches, soft brushes of her lips on his cheek from before had always left him wanting more, still did.

When she walked over to the chair to grab her pants, he couldn't resist. He rose from the bed himself, moving behind her so he could wrap his arms around her waist. He grazed his lips across the nape of her neck, relishing in the shiver he felt run through her, before resting his head against her shoulder. Sometimes he just couldn't resist the urge to hold her, to remind himself that she wanted this as much as he did.

She turned her head to smile at him over her shoulder. "Meet with me later tonight, while I'm on watch."

He didn't want to let her go, but he knew he had to. He pressed his lips against her temple. "I'll bring the tea."

As he rode, his squad close behind, his mind cruelly moved from the happier memory and reminded him of what had happened the last time he'd left those he cared for alone outside the walls. The memory of Furlan's mangled corpse and Isabel's severed head flashed vividly in front of him.

No, I won't lose her. I refuse. I'm not going to lose someone else. I will catch up to her. I will keep her safe.

He didn't like the clouds that kept passing over the moon, making the land around them darker than it already was. He knew Isa and Hange had a theory that titans were inactive at night, but they hadn't been able to determine if it was true or not.

He'd rather not have to deal with titans at night. Though, he had no doubt he could handle him. For some reason, his body always somehow took over in times where danger was present. He just didn't want her to have to deal with them. Titans were hard enough to deal with during the day, at night they would most likely be impossible to deal with.

He couldn't help but keep going back to the memory of that morning, the way it always felt waking up to her, it just felt so right. He didn't know how he'd ever slept alone.

He'd told her that first night that he wouldn't always be able to sleep with her, and that had been true. But most nights, he found himself drawn to sleep next to her, to hold her. There was something comforting about holding her, making it easier for him to drift off to sleep.

Ever since her nightmares had started, he'd been driven to sleep with her more, to hold her with the hope that she'd be able to sleep without nightmares, wanting to do anything he could to keep her at peace, to keep away the horrible images her mind tried to shove her way.

That morning he'd woken up before her, as he usually did. And like it had each time, his heart had clenched at the sight of her sleeping form, so peaceful, so warm, so right.

He still couldn't believe that she wanted him, someone like her, so kind, so sweet. It shouldn't feel so right, yet it did. Every morning he half expected to wake up and find that everything had been a dream, and they were only still just friends.

He still didn't know what it was he felt for her. That old woman in the Underground had told him he was in love with her. But that just couldn't be possible. He didn't know what it meant to love, to be in love.

Someone like me just isn't capable of feeling something like that…right?

He vaguely remembered the love he'd felt for his mother. Isa had said that he'd loved Furlan and Isabel. But what he felt for her was so different, something he'd never felt before.

Even if he did love her, he didn't know how to love. He could barely tell her she was beautiful, hadn't even really told her other than a pathetic 'you are.' Poetic words, the ones she deserved evaded him. He could never get them out of his mouth. Didn't know how. Hell, he'd never even known he was capable of even thinking such thoughts until he'd become friends with her. All he'd been able to do was show her, or try his best to show her the things he wanted to tell her.

If I can't even tell her she's beautiful, how the hell would I tell her that…and that's if I even feel that. I'm still doubtful that's what this is. Doubtful that someone like me could feel something like that.

He could make out trees in the distance, knew he must be close.

Just hang on, Isa. Please.

The green flare had him breathing a sigh of relief. He knew immediately what she was trying to tell him, and he adjusted course in her direction, his squad following, needing to be with her, beside her, now, so he could keep her safe.

He had no doubts in her abilities, but right now, he needed to be there with her so he could make sure she stayed safe.

He didn't know what he'd do if he lost her.

No, I'm not going to lose her. It's. Not. Happening.

But as most things go outside the walls, the worst can happen at any time, when a person least expects it.

Not too long after he saw the green flare, a second flare fired.

When he saw the purple flare burst in the sky above the forest, his heart faltered, fists clenching impossibly tight on the reins, breath stuck in his throat. The blood was now roaring in his head, as he pushed Spartan for more speed, his squad following suit, no questions asked. None were needed after the emergency flare was fired, they understood the urgency even more so now.

No.

Not her.

Please. Not her, please.

I'm…I'm not ready. I…I still need her.

I don't think I'll ever stop needing her.

And in that moment, he knew.

As Isa made her way to the forest, begging Luna for as much speed as possible, memories of all her time with Hange flashed before her. The two had been through so much together. Had been friends since the first day of training.

Hange had been there for her, that day when those people from Mitras tried to force her to come back.

She'd told Levi about this, about how they'd found her, come after her.

What she hadn't told him, what she'd been afraid to tell him, what she'd been too ashamed to say, was that she'd almost caved.

Back in Mitras, there had been times where she'd given in to their demands, their orders, their wishes.

She'd given in when it meant getting out of that damn room. After a week or more in that room, she was willing to do anything to get out, to get away from the dark, those tentacles of darkness making it difficult to breathe as they constricted themselves around her, suffocating her as she panicked, unable to regain control of her breaths until she passed out. There were times where she could still feel those tentacles squeezing around her, though it was rare.

She'd given in when it meant she'd get to eat. There were times where they'd withheld food from her for days until she did as she was told. She could still feel the phantom hunger pains, those pains that had come from not eating for days, and she'd felt so weak, so shaky, dizzy.

She'd given in when it meant they'd leave her alone, even if for just a few hours and she could get some peace. Those moments where she'd been able to read, escape into another world, or when she'd laid out on the ground and just watched the clouds go by, looking at all the shapes that passed by.

They'd wanted her to be something she wasn't, something she didn't want to be, had no interest in being. A perfect noblewoman. One who knew how to throw lavish dinner parties that threw out enough food to feed a small village.

One who knew how to lead a conversation about the nonsensical, frivolous happenings in Mitras.

One who knew that she was to speak only when spoken to when around men.

One who kept her opinions to herself, because men don't want a woman who's outspoken.

She'd tried to fight back, but there were times when she'd been weak, and caved.

She'd hated herself every single time she'd given in to what they wanted.

And she'd been so close to giving in again that day. If Hange hadn't been there beside of her, supporting her, she would have.

Hange hadn't even known anything about her past, and yet she'd still been there for her, held her after. She'd never asked questions.

It was about midway through their first year of training, the end of another hard day. She had just finished up ODM drills and was making her way to the mess hall with Hange.

She was listening to Hange share some new theory she had on titans. She honestly loved listening to her friend. The theories she came up with were always outlandish, yet, when she thought hard about it, they made so much sense.

An icy, bony hand grabbed her arm from behind, spinning her to face the owner, the memory of it wrapped around her neck filling her with fear.

The blood from her face drained, heart jumping to her throat when she saw who it was.

Martha's scowl deepened at the sight of Isa, hair messy and sweaty from training, clothes dirty and wrinkled. "Enough of this nonsense, Isa. You're coming back with us."

Isa tried to pull away, could already feel herself beginning to cave. "N-no. I…I don't want to."

The grip on her arm tightened, and she had to fight back the urge to cry out, already knowing she'd have a bruise on her arm later.

Martha's eyes turned cold, sending chills across Isa's body. "It doesn't matter what you want. You're coming. Now. Either willingly or we will drag you back. Don't make this worse than it already will be."

Memories of that small, dark room filled her mind, knowing that if she didn't come willingly, the punishment would only be worse. She could practically feel the tentacles of darkness wrapping themselves around her. So dark she couldn't even see her hand in front of her face.

Hating herself for being weak, she caved, too terrified of what would happen if she didn't. "O…ok."

She turned and began walking back to the barracks to gather her things, fighting back tears, already dreading what would happen when she got back.

Hange called to her friend, following her as she walked. "Isa. Isa wait."

There was a concerned tone in her voice, and if Isa had turned to her, she would have seen the fear in her friend's eyes.

She ignored Hange, kept walking, tears filling her eyes at the thought of having to say good-bye to her, to Lucy, to Sherri.

She entered the barracks, walking over to her bed and began packing her things.

Refusing to relent, never one to give up, Hange grabbed Isa, gently turning her so that Isa could look at her, keeping her hands on her friend's shoulders. "Isa, who are those people, and why are you going with them?"

Isa avoided eye contact with her friend, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "They're the people who…took care of me growing up. They're honestly horrible people, the worst I've ever known."

Hange gently took Isa's face in her hands, coaxing her friend to meet her gaze, and her heart broke for her friend when she saw the defeated, broken look in her eyes. "If they're so horrible, then why the hell are you going with them?"

The tears in Isa's eyes threatened to spill and she felt weaker than ever, no idea how to get them to just leave her be, to let her be free. "I…I don't know."

The need to protect filled Hange, determination coursing through her, brows knitting in irritation at those people. "I'm not letting you go with them, Isa. I don't trust them. You don't have to tell me what happened in Mitras. You don't have to tell me anything unless you're ready. But I'll be damned if I let my best friend go back with people she doesn't want to be with."

Isa's eyes widened, hope filling her at Hange's words. "I'm…I'm your best friend?"

A soft smile filled Hange's face, the love she felt for her friend filling her. "Of course you are, Isa. And I'll do whatever I need to do to make sure you stay."

Overwhelmed with emotion, the only time she ever felt comfortable showing affection, she threw herself at Hange, wrapping her up in her arms. She'd been afraid that Hange didn't consider her a best friend.

She had Lucy and Sherri, but Hange had been her first friend. The first person to act like she cared, the first person to treat her as if she mattered.

Something about the moment, about Hange's admission was filling Isa with the slightest hint of something she'd never felt before.

She had something keeping her here. Her desire for freedom, and her best friend.

Something took over her, taking control, leading her actions.

She marched out of the barracks, back out to those people, refusing to go back with them, refusing to be put back in that hell again.

She glared up at the two of them. "I'm not going back."

Martha raised an unimpressed brow at the show of defiance. "Isa, don't be ridiculous."

Isa's arms crossed in front of her, chin lifting, hatred and disgust filling her eyes. "I'm not going back. You can't make me. I can bring you both down. Leave now, never talk to me again, and I'll keep your secrets."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Despite the denial, Isa could see the flash of fear in Martha's eyes, and in his. "The things you've both done, the things you both do. I'll spread them all around Mitras. You'd be finished. You'd never get over the shame. So leave me be, and your secrets stay safe with me."

She could tell they knew she meant what she was saying, that she wouldn't hesitate to make good on her threats. They knew that if they didn't leave her be, that would be the end of their social standing in Mitras. And for the rich, their social status was all they had.

Martha turned to her husband. "Let's go Charles. We're finished here."

With a final, disdainful glare shot towards Isa, the two left, and she could feel that feeling fade, leaving her with the reminders of all the things they used to tell her, all the things they had done to her. Tears were beginning to prick in her eyes, and she needed to get away before she burst into sobs in front of Hange.

She tried to walk away, but Hange was too fast, pulling her into a tight hug.

Hange stroked at Isa's hair, never one to shy away from taking care of someone else. "It's okay, Isa," she murmured. "You can cry in front of me. It's okay to break. I'm not going anywhere."

She wasn't used to affection, and she wasn't sure what to do. Her own shaky arms came up of their own volition to wrap loosely around Hange, and it was as if a piece of her unlocked, one that had been hidden away for years, allowing her to clutch tightly at her friend as the tears streamed down her face.

That moment was Isa's first taste of being comforted, of being shown affection since her parents had died.

She wiped a stray tear from her face that had trickled out of her eyes at the memory. She'd spent so long thinking she'd never be able to make any friends, and Hange had been the first to openly tell her that she considered Isa her best friend. She remembered that first day of training, when the two had sparred together, how Hange's energy had been so contagious.

She hadn't told Levi any of this, how she'd almost given in, because she'd been embarrassed, ashamed at how close she'd been to willingly going back with them.

She wasn't sure what it had been, why she'd felt the urge to comply. She'd been terrified of how long they would shove her in that dark room if she didn't go with them, but it had also been something more that. Almost as if she had been conditioned over the years to listen, despite the battles, the arguments.

If it hadn't been for Hange, Isa would not be where she was now. She would never have finished training. She never would have joined the Scouts like she'd dreamed. She never would have met Levi.

She would be back in Mitras, alone and miserable, and would have probably lost all will to fight, finally giving in to what they wanted, sold off to some horrid nobleman like Derek who would treat her like dirt, wouldn't care what she wanted. She would be living a life she'd never wanted.

So much of where she was now, was thanks to Hange, not just for being there for her, but for saving her, countless times.

Hange had been the one leading the group to rescue her when she was kidnapped by bandits during a wilderness training exercise.

They were midway through their second year of training, and the cadets had been split into groups for wilderness training.

Isa was in one of two groups tasked with a trek through the desert. Each group would follow a path, meeting the other halfway, providing information to the other group on what they would come across.

She'd been relieved when Hange, Lucy, and Sherri were placed in her group. Derek was there, and without her friends, she wasn't sure what she would have done. She always got this uneasy feeling from him, would catch this odd glint in his eyes that always set her on edge.

She didn't like the way he watched her, the way he looked at her. But sometimes, it felt as if she were imagining things. She didn't know why she felt as if there were something off about him.

For the training, she had been tasked as the record keeper, writing down what they came across as they moved, everything each cadet did, their reactions, what they said, what they did, everything.

"Hange, I'm so hungry." Lucy's voice came out as a whine, never having been one to enjoy going long without food.

Hange's eyes filled with amusement at her friend, at the almost childish complaint. It hadn't even been that long since they'd last eaten. Lucy was just always hungry. "We all are Lucy. I'm sure we'll be there soon."

It took almost the whole day to get to the forest that neared the midway point, where they set up camp for the night, building a fire to keep themselves warm, passing around ration bars.

As they sat and ate, a group of bandits surrounded them, kidnapped Isa and stole the cadets' gear. They were helpless to defend themselves without their gear. Besides, the group felt as if they were no match against the thieves attacking them.

She could see the fear in her friends' faces as she was taken away, but as she looked at Hange, a fierce look of determination she had yet to see from her friend filled her face, fists clenching in anger at the attackers.

That look gave her hope. She would trust in her friend to get her back, and she would try to help, though, she wasn't sure how much she would be able to help.

They stuck her in the back of a wagon with one of the other bandits to watch over her, make sure she didn't get into trouble.

He got up close, and she could smell his breath, the stench of stale cigars and whatever he'd had for lunch had her fighting back the urge to vomit.

He let the blade of his knife rest flat against her cheek. "Well aren't you a pretty little thing? We know some people who'll pay for a nice time with you. Then again, if you're nice to us, we may just keep you."

She thought to herself, 'Why is it that I'm only ever called pretty by creepy, old men? That doesn't exactly help my confidence.'

She forced words out of her mouth, though they wavered with nerves and fear. "N-not even in your d-dreams, asshole."

He laughed, dragging the knife's spine against her face. "Is that supposed to intimidate me? I could cut up that pretty little face, and no one would ever want you, and you'd be left with only us, and we'd put you to good use."

That set her spine straight, her eyes flashing, chin lifting in defiance at the crude suggestions. "Not even if you were the last man in this world."

His face twisted at her words. "Bitch." He slammed the butt of his knife against her temple, and her world went black.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she felt someone gently shaking her. She groaned, the throbbing in her temple was almost too much to bear, and she was tempted to let the dark pull her back on.

"Come on, Isa," a familiar voice called to her, "all the way. Open your eyes for me."

Her eyes fluttered open, and she met Hange's worried gaze.

Another pained groan escaped her as she sat up, rubbing at her pounding head. "What the hell happened?"

Hange's arm came around Isa, supporting her as she sat. "After you were kidnapped, we came up with a plan, and managed to take out the wheels of the wagon. We had gotten gear from the other group, and managed to overpower these idiots."

Isa's eyes widened at the risks the group had taken for her. "I...I can't believe you all risked your lives to save me."

Hange drew her friend in close, relieved that her plan had worked. "Well we weren't about to abandon either of you, Isa. You know I'd never abandon you."

Overwhelmed with love for her best friend but unable to say it, she wrapped her arms around her best friend, Lucy and Sherri joining in.

Tears filled Isa's eyes at the thought that she had three friends who actually cared for her. She'd never thought she'd be able to make friends, and yet, here she was. These three had accepted her as she was, didn't mind that she wasn't always the most open, didn't mind that she had trust issues. With their help, she was slowly learning how to trust, how to have faith in others.

"You guys are the best," she said, voice thick as she struggled to speak through the lump in her throat. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

There were times where she still struggled to believe that her friends had risked their lives to save her. She would have done it for them without hesitation, would still do it, obviously. At the time, it had been mind boggling to think that she had people who cared about her enough to actually do something like that.

Walls how I miss Lucy and Sherri. I wish they were still here.

She'd often wondered if the thieves attacking the group had been part of the training, but she'd never had the chance to ask the instructor. She didn't think she would have gotten an answer, even if she had asked.

How many times has Hange been there for me, each and every day, during training, both as cadets, and as Scouts, even at night when we all shared a room?

Yet, I couldn't even be bothered to be there for her after our failed meeting with Erwin.

Is this my fault?

She knew she'd woken Hange on multiple occasions with her nightmares all throughout training, and after they'd joined the Scouts as well. Each morning when she woke up with Hange beside of her, she'd known that she'd had a nightmare the night before, and Hange had come up to her bunk to comfort her.

It was nearing the end of her first year of training, and she was slowly awakening. Her eyes fluttered open, the early morning sun filtering through the window pulling her from sleep.

She took in the sleeping form of Hange beside her, and she knew immediately that she'd had a nightmare the night before. Guilt filled her at the thought, hating that she'd interrupted her friend's sleep.

She gently poked at her friend's shoulder, and she watched as Hange's eyes fluttered open, hazy with sleep.

For some reason, the mornings following one of her nightmares was when Hange was easiest to wake. It was always a struggle to pull Hange from sleep, and Isa had started resorting to dumping a bucket of water on her friend, yet, mornings such as these, Isa had no trouble at all in waking her.

A guilty look crossed her face. "I had another nightmare didn't I?"

A yawn escaped Hange as she nodded. "You did."

Her frown deepened, hating that she'd inconvenienced her best friend. "I'm sorry it woke you."

An amused look came across Hange's face as she laid a comforting hand on Isa's shoulder. "Isa, you don't have to apologize every time this happens." She squeezed Isa's shoulder affectionately. "I don't mind coming up here if you need me. I know you'd the same for me. You're my best friend, and best friends are there for each other, always."

Isa's lips curled into a soft smile, not knowing what she'd done to deserve a friend like Hange. "Thanks, Hange. You always know what to do to make me feel better."

A sly look came into Hange's eyes, knowing exactly how her friend would react to her next words, needing to wipe away that guilt that she could still see in Isa's eyes. She didn't understand why Isa thought it was inconveniencing for her to comfort her. Friends supported each other, no matter what. She could tell that Isa most likely hadn't had the best experiences with friends, though she still knew fairly little about her past.

Her voice held a teasing note as she spoke. "Besides, we need you well rested if we have any hopes of you making the top ten."

Isa scoffed, having no desire in making the top ten. "You know I could care less about making the top ten. I have no interest in joining the Military Police. I just want to do the best I can to make sure I'm prepared for whenever we join the Scouts."

Relief filled Hange when she saw the guilt get pushed away by Isa's detest for the Military Police. "I know, but I also know you have a shot at making the top ten. I know you don't see it, but you're really good, Isa. I know you'll make it, even if you aren't trying."

Isa knew, without a doubt, that Hange had crawled into bed with her each and every time she'd had a nightmare. And she'd always woken up feeling more refreshed than ever, almost as if Hange's presence had been enough to help her sleep through the night.

Even after Lucy's death, Hange had tried to support Isa, knowing how broken her friend was, despite her own pain and sorrow. Sherri had tried to drive a wedge between them, but it hadn't been able to hold.

Hange had done her best to make time for Isa, and Isa knew Hange had hated leaving her best friend alone, torn with what she should do, torn between two friends, even if one had told her to stick with the other.

She'd always made it clear to Hange when she could that she understood, that she knew Hange didn't want things to be this way. She just didn't want Hange to have to choose, so Isa had made the choice for her.

It was about a week following the death of Lucy. Most nights she spent up on the roof. She missed Lucy, missed Sherri and Hange. She'd grown accustomed to having people who cared about her, to having friends, that she'd forgotten how lonely it felt to be completely alone.

She hated this feeling, it reminded her of all the things that had happened in Mitras, how she'd had no one, reminded her of that dark room.

It didn't help that she kept seeing Lucy's death play over and over in her mind, how she could have helped her, saved her friend, but she'd been too useless, too weak, too pathetic. She didn't deserve any of their friendships. This was her punishment, she deserved this pain, she deserved to be alone. She didn't deserve love or friendships.

If she'd been stronger, faster, Lucy would still be alive, and Sherri wouldn't hate her.

It was all her fault.

Lost in thought, she didn't her the light footsteps coming up behind her. She jumped when she felt an arm drape around her shoulders.

She turned her head and was surprised to see Hange sitting beside her. Ever since her argument with Sherri, Sherri had done her damnedest to keep Hange away from her.

Hange gently brushed away tears she hadn't even known were falling. "I'm sorry, Isa."

Her eyes welled further, and she tried to give her friend a reassuring smile. "You don't have to apologize to me, Hange."

Hange's own eyes watered, filling with guilt that her best friend was alone and suffering. She knew that Isa blamed herself for what had happened, even though it wasn't her fault. She felt as if was failing Isa, her best friend, her sister. "But I do, you need me."

She sniffled, trying to hold back the tears, but more were trickling through, which she quickly brushed away. "It's okay, I don't want you to have to choose between me and Sherri, so I'm making the choice for you. Sherri needs you more. She knew Lucy longer than me."

Even she was having trouble believing the words. She needed Hange too, dammit. She just didn't want to admit it, didn't want to make Hange feel any more guilty than she knew she already felt.

Hange pulled Isa into a fierce hug, and the dam broke.

Broken sobs fell from her, the sweet comfort Hange gave her breaking through her walls. "Hange, I don't know what to do."

Her own arms wrapped tight around her friend, clutching at her, needing a reminder that she wasn't alone, even if it still felt like she was. "Sherri hates me now, and I don't know how to get her back. It hurts."

She was having trouble speaking through the heaving sobs, her voice muffled from where her face was pressed into Hange's shoulder. "I lost Lucy, and now I lost Sherri too. And I know you say it wasn't my fault, but it feels like it was. I was right there, Hange. Right there. I was so close. I could have saved her, but I was too slow, too pathetic, too weak."

Hange pulled back, taking Isa's face in her hands, refusing to let Isa believe for even a second that she was any of those things. "Isa, stop." Her eyes were more serious than Isa had ever seen. "You are not weak. You are not pathetic. These things happen, and we all knew what we were signing up for."

A weak smile filled Isa's tear-stained face. "I know, I just didn't expect to lose someone in the first expedition."

Hange could tell that Isa still didn't believe what she said, and she didn't know what to do to break through to her. "I know, Isa, I didn't either. If you say you're okay with me staying by Sherri, then that's fine. But Isa, I'm here for you too. If you need me, you need to say something, tell me. I honestly don't know how long I can take Sherri acting this way."

She sniffled, feeling a little better with some time with her best friend. "I'll try, Hange."

Hange draped an arm over Isa's shoulder, drawing her small friend, her sister, close against her side. "That's all I can ask for, Isa. Just don't forget, you're my best friend, and I love you."

She wanted to tell Hange she felt the same, but she always struggled to get the words out, yet, it was always as if Hange understood. Hange was the one person who seemed to understand her completely, even more than Lucy and Sherri had, understood that she struggled with emotions, with affection, with friendship.

She let herself move closer to her friend, resting her head on her shoulder, enjoying the time she had with her best friend, not knowing when she'd be able to see her again outside of training. "I won't, Hange."

When Hange had decided she'd had enough of Sherri's behavior, Isa hadn't been able to hold any resentment towards her friend, not when she'd been the one to tell her to stay with Sherri in the first place.

It had been a lonely time, one of the loneliest in her life. She had finally known what it was to have friends, and to have it taken from her, it had left feeling even more lonely than ever.

And then, after she'd forgiven Sherri, Hange had been livid, not understanding how Isa could forgive her so easily.

Isa could tell that Hange was not happy with what she'd just told her.

It was rare that Hange became irritated with her friend. She didn't know if she could forgive Sherri after the things she'd said, the things she'd done. And Isa didn't even know what Sherri had said behind her back.

Her arms were crossed in front of her as she glared at her best friend, still having trouble believing that Isa had forgiven Sherri. "Isa, did you forget how she treated you? How the hell did you just forgive her?"

She understood where Hange was coming from, she wasn't sure what it said about her that she'd forgiven someone who had treated her so cruelly.

Her chin lifted in defiance. "You didn't see her, Hange. I've never seen her so broken. Besides, I've lost too many people. Lucy, Furlan, Isabel. I'm not losing anyone else if I can help it."

Hange's brows furrowed. "I get that, Isa. But she treated you like shit. Dammit, she told you she would have preferred that you had died."

The memory of that still stuck with her, the wound having cut deeper than anything she'd ever felt. "I know, and that still hurts. But I'm not going to let that ruin a friendship. She's one of my best friends. I'm not going to lose all those years of friendship."

Hange threw her arms up in exasperation. "She was willing to! She was willing to throw it all away!"

It was even more rare for Isa to feel frustration Hange, or more so, to show it. She was always afraid that she would say or do something to lose her friendship, but it was times like these that truly tried her patience. "I know Hange. I'm not saying she deserves to be forgiven, but dammit, it's my choice whether or not I forgive her."

That seemed to break through to Hange, eyes widening in realization. She blew out a breath, cheeks puffing out, her frustration leaving her as she did. "I…you're right, Isa. It's your choice. If you want to forgive her, I…I'll support you. Just know, if she ever pulls this shit again, I'll never forgive her, whether or not you do."

She smiled, relieved that her fight with Hange was over. "And that would be your choice. You don't have to like it, I just need you to understand it's my choice."

At some point, Hange had been able to forgive Sherri, though, not without warning her that this was her second chance, and if she fucked up, that was on her.

Isa's eyes were welling at the memories of her best friend, at the way Hange had always supported her, lifted her up, tried to help her see herself the way Hange saw her.

She had to push back her fear, fight back the tears, needing to focus now more than ever, but she was unable to stop her thoughts as they raced through her mind.

'I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You're my best friend, and I think the world of you.'

Walls, what did I do to deserve a friend like Hange?

What kind of friend would I be if I left Hange out here alone, without even trying to find her?

Yes, it was idiotic of her to do this.

Yes, it's idiotic of me to follow.

But I know she'd do the same for me, without hesitation.

We're best friends, sisters, and we'll always be there for each other, no matter what

It was horrifying, riding outside the walls in the dark. The moonlight provided some light, but it wasn't much, and she could see wisps of clouds in the sky, and there were moments where the moonlight dimmed, and it was even harder to see. She hadn't had the chance to grab a lantern, so she only hoped she didn't lose the light.

She knew it had been a bad idea to go out alone. She knew Levi was probably furious with her for taking such an unneeded risk. Furious with her for not waiting.

She only hoped he could forgive her.

If she survived.

Don't think like that, Isa. It's going to be okay. You're going to survive and you're going to see him again.

Was it really just this morning that we were lying in bed asleep?

She was floating, drifting, and it would be so easy to fall back asleep. Gentle, featherlight touches grazed her forehead, her cheeks, pulling her further out of sleep. The first thing she registered was the warmth of his body pressed up against hers, and she couldn't stop the content sigh, or the way she snuggled closer to him.

His arm was still around her, holding her close as he always did.

She felt his hand against her face, the sweet touch of his thumb across her cheek, and she could do nothing about the way her lips pouted, not ready to greet the day.

"Come on, Isa, it's time to wake up." His lips brushed across her ear as he whispered, sending a shiver down her spine.

"I don't want to." She just wanted to stay here, lying in bed with him. She wanted to pretend that titans didn't exist, that they led normal lives, that they were a normal couple waking up for a normal day.

"Why?"

She could hear the amusement in his voice, and she knew it was because it was so out of character for her to refuse to wake up. She could practically see the half-smile on his face behind her closed eyelids.

She could feel her lips pouting further, and she felt ridiculous and childish at the act, but she could do nothing to stop it. "Because the sooner I wake up, the sooner we have to leave."

"True, but the sooner we leave, the sooner we'll be back."

She groaned, hating when he made a good point like that, somehow always coming up with the best answers. "You make a good point oh wise one."

His chuckle sent a soft warmth through her, reminding her that she was the only one who got to see this side of him, that no one else got to wake up next to him, got to be held by him. He wanted her, and only her, and the feeling was exhilarating.

She only hoped he never stopped.

She felt him flick her forehead, and amusement filled her. "Don't sound so surprised."

She couldn't stop the way her lips twitched at his words, at the act. He was somehow always able to make her smile, no matter what her mood was. "Always so damn modest."

"Always a pain in the ass."

She giggled, loving the words, always knowing he never meant them, loving the affectionate tone that filled his voice whenever he said them. "Better than being a grouchy ass."

Another sigh escaped her as her eyes fluttered open, and she couldn't stop the way her smile morphed into a shy smile at the sight of his blue eyes, full of warmth and affection. She still wasn't used to waking up next to him, not as a couple.

There were still so many parts of their relationship that had her heart fluttering, stomach full of butterflies, despite everything they'd already done, despite all the new things she fantasized about doing with him.

She didn't know what it was, but soft moments like these, left her full of nerves and shyness. She still sometimes had trouble believing that he wanted her.

She'd spent so long telling herself this would never happen, that he would never want her this way, that she still half expected to wake up one morning, back in her bed, and to find that all of this had been a cruel dream.

"Hi," she whispered.

Her face flushed at the amusement in his eyes, at his breathless chuckle. She appreciated that he didn't seem to mind her shyness, her nerves, if anything, he seemed to enjoy the way she reacted to him.

"Hi."

The warmth in his voice had butterflies flapping their wings in her stomach. She was so used to the way his voice sounded with her, and it always threw her off whenever she heard his voice when he talked to other people. It made what they had feel even more special, knowing that only she brought out this side of him.

"I guess we should probably get up and get ready."

"You would guess right."

More amusement filled her at the teasing tone in his voice, lighting up her face and eyes. She was trapped in his eyes, the warmth in them holding her locked in place, unable to break away. There was no way for her to know that her eyes always did the same to him.

She couldn't help but admire how attractive he was, how handsome he was. The way his bangs flopped over onto his forehead, ruffled and messy from sleep. His eyes were still slightly sleepy, though full of warmth, affection, amusement. His lips, so soft, so perfect, the way they were curled in a smile that only she got to see, making it feel even more special, sending her heart fluttering at the sight.

She leaned up, brushing her lips across his cheek, before rising, stretching the sleep from her muscles, unaware of the way he was admiring the way the sun cast a gentle glow around her, unaware of how beautiful he always found her.

She strolled over to where her pants were folded once again. She'd taken to sleeping in his shirt and a pair of his boxers, loving the comfort doing so gave her on the nights where he wasn't able to sleep beside her.

She couldn't stop the affectionate smile that filled her face when she felt him wrap his arms around her waist, chest pressed up against her back. She shivered when he pressed his lips to the nape of her neck, before letting his head rest on her shoulder.

She turned her head to smile at him, heart stuttering at the softness on his face, in his eyes. "Meet with me later tonight, while I'm on watch."

Tingles washed across her skin when he brushed his lips against her temple. "I'll bring the tea."

... - ...

As she rode, guilt was filling her. Guilt for not waiting at Levi, for being the cause of that fearful look on his face.

Guilt for not being there for Hange.

Should…should I have pushed harder? Maybe if I'd pushed her to talk, then she wouldn't have felt the need to go off on her own.

Dammit, is this my fault?

I really don't want to go down that path again, but this is starting to feel like it's my fault.

I can't think like that right now. I'll deal with that thought later. Right now, I need to focus on finding Hange.

She fought back more tears as she pushed Luna for more speed, desperate to get to the forest, find Hange, and get back. Erwin had been right in that their theory had been just that, a theory. They had no way of knowing if titans were actually inactive or not.

Just because she hadn't come across any titans, didn't prove that theory. There were times where they didn't come across titans during the day.

When she arrived at the forest, she leapt off Luna, needing to travel by air now.

She gave the mare a light stroke on her muzzle. "Stay close to me, I might need you."

Luna nickered, as if saying she'd never leave Isa alone.

She was unsure of where to start, not sure which direction she should go, all she knew, was that she wouldn't stop until she found Hange.

She zipped through the forest, searching the trees, the ground below, looking for any sign or hint that Hange had been nearby.

More memories flashed in front of her as she flew.

The way Hange had held her at Lucy's grave.

The way Hange could talk about anything for hours and hours.

The way Hange had accepted her without question, without hesitation

The way Hange had never pushed her to talk about her past, waiting for Isa to come to her.

She had to fight back more tears as she flew, needing to stay completely focused, not wanting to miss Hange, or worse, a titan.

And that's when she saw her.

Her heart stopped, breath stuck in her throat, when she saw Hange, her unmoving form on a branch in one of the trees.

"Hange!"

She landed on the branch where Hange lay, heart now slamming in her chest, hands shaking as she approached.

Her trembling hand reached out to her best friend's neck, and a shuddering breath escaped her when she felt a heartbeat. She checked Hange's body for injury, and when her hand brushed across the back of Hange's head, she was horrified when her hand came back wet with blood. Hange had clearly injured her head somehow, though it seemed that was her only injury.

She had to let her head rest against Hange's shoulder, needing to collect herself, needing to stay together until Hange was safe.

Your best friend needs you. She's always there for you, it's time for you to step up and be there for her.

She pulled Hange up, sheer adrenaline and determination giving her the added strength she needed, allowing her to bring them both back to the ground. There was no sign of Hange's horse, but there wasn't time to look for her. She needed to get back, now, before her luck ran out.

At Isa's command, Luna got down on her knees, allowing Isa to drape Hange's body across her back. She pulled some rope from her satchel, securing Hange to Luna, making sure she wouldn't fall as they rode back.

She shot off a green flare in the direction of where she'd be going, that way if Levi was near, he'd know she was successful in finding Hange, and he could meet her on the way.

She needed him, now more than ever. Her confidence was wavering. Each passing moment was just another chance for a titan to appear out of nowhere. She felt more confident in her skills, in her abilities, but alone, outside the walls, in the dark was dangerous, and she was starting to feel the slightest hint of regret at not waiting for Levi. The only thing that kept her from fully regretting her decision, was her best friend's unconscious form.

She hopped onto Luna, and nudged her into a gallop, eager to be back with the rest, eager to reunite with Levi. Luna raced out of the forest, sensing the urgency, knowing she needed to get Isa and Hange back to base, fast. They pulled further and further away from the forest, and Isa could only hope they would make it back without a problem.

But as most things go outside the walls, the worst happened.

She felt it first, and when she looked behind her, she saw a group of fast-moving titans coming out of the forest, closing in, faster than she'd ever seen.

Shit. Are all of them abnormals? How is that possible? Where the hell did they come from?

I…I can't outrun them, these are too fast. They're catching up.

How are they so fast?

She did what she had to do.

She pulled out a flare gun, firing off a purple flare before calling out to Luna. "Get Hange back to base. As fast as possible."

She could tell Luna didn't like the idea of leaving Isa alone, but she leapt off the mare, leaving her with no choice but to continue.

She stood, determination filling her as she drew fresh blades, watching as the titans in the distance came closer.

Come and get me assholes. I won't let you bastards near her. I've lost too many people to titans.

I refuse to lose someone else.

Not if I can help it.

She knew it was an even worse idea to face off against titans without a horse, but she hadn't had a choice. She couldn't wait for the titans to get close without risking Hange. She had to trust and hope that Levi was nearby, that he'd seen her flares. She knew he wouldn't have taken long to gather his squad.

Her hope and trust in him were fueling her confidence, her determination.

The titans drew closer, and she counted seven. Their smiling, blank faces had her skin crawling, worsened in the dark. Something about the darkness made their grins more sinister, more evil, eyes and teeth glinting in the moonlight, and she couldn't help but wonder how many people these titans had consumed, both Scouts and citizens.

The sound of hooves registered in the distance, growing louder as they grew closer, and she aimed to fire her hook at the nearest titan. But when she clicked the button to activate, her heart sank when the worst thing that could happen to a Scout outside the walls, happened to her.

Her gear malfunctioned.