I brought up onscreen pictures of the six GS agents who were the subject of an investigation I had assigned to the elemental new mutant Pamela Fries. They were new mutants, young and female, a demographic which Miss Fries herself fell into.
"We're in the middle of a crisis that desperately needs to be stopped. Six promising new mutant recruits have been found dead within the past five months," I said. "Any theories, Miss Fries?"
"Have you ruled out the possibility of these recruits defecting to Mutant X?" she suggested.
"You mean to tell me, that in your expert opinion, that Adam is trying to form some sort of new mutant sorority?" I asked, walking towards her to try to determine if she was being sarcastic.
"Of course not, Mr Eckhart. I'm merely trying to rule out the obvious," she said.
I walked over to pick up my coffee cup. "Yes, well, you'll excuse me if I find your investigation," I said, taking a sip of coffee, "about as cold as this coffee."
"Allow me," she said. And I watched in utter horror as she walked towards me and stuck a finger into my coffee. The cold coffee boiled in the cup. Now I could no longer complain that it was cold, but it was, however, contaminated by many of the species of bacteria that made their home on human skin. Whether she was aware of that fact or not, I did not know. Either she thought she was doing me a favour, or was attempting to be malicious. She stared straight at me as she sucked the coffee off her finger.
"Given the grave circumstances, I do hope your new mutant abilities prove more useful to me than as a human hotplate," I said.
She turned away. "I believe we're dealing with a new mutant serial killer. His victims have been preyed upon, if you will. He knows what he wants."
I nodded. "So he takes them by surprise."
"Lured is a more apt description," she said, walking back towards me. "This monster that we're looking for isn't wearing a hockey mask or wielding an axe. He's handsome, charismatic, charming, with the ability to disarm his victim with a gesture."
"Your hypotheses are intriguing. But at this point I'm much more interested in a result."
"I understand. My investigation has pinpointed a possible suspect. I'm confident that the killer is-"
"Good. I want an end to this murder spree immediately," I said.
Dr Harrison was performing a check-up on me under the disinfecting power of the UV light in my office when Miss Fries returned.
"Mr Eckhart, the killer you sought is dead, finally putting an end to his rampage," she said.
"I understand your weapon of choice was a GSA vehicle," I said.
"I didn't want to risk losing him."
"Were you at least able to retrieve the remains of Mr Matthias, so we can perform an autopsy?" Dr Harrison asked her.
Miss Fries hesitated to answer the question, which told me everything I needed to know. "There was a commotion," she said.
"Miss Fries, in order to truly understand the criminal mind and to prevent this catastrophe from happening again, it is imperative we have a subject to examine," Dr Harrison said.
I finally turned to face her. "Perhaps the next time you decide to do a hit and run, perhaps you'll be prudent enough to pick up the body before you run," I said.
To her credit, she offered no further excuses and left without another word.
A while later, I went to visit Dr Harrison in the lab. "I'm afraid we lost contact with Miss Fries at the morgue," he told me. "More alarmingly, the body of Caleb Matthias has mysteriously disappeared."
"But where is it? It couldn't have just got up and walked out."
"I'm afraid, sir, that is exactly what happened. I had one of our techs retrieve a blood sample from the scene of the accident," Dr Harrison said, showing me on a computer. "These cells not only appear to be alive, they're actually regenerating."
"How is that possible?" I asked.
"It's my theory we're dealing with a new mutant whose serial killing rampage is driven not by deviant criminal behaviour but practical necessity."
I took a closer look at the computer. "It's fascinating. So he actually has the power to survive death?" I said. "I want this new mutant captured immediately so we can examine this precious DNA."
"But sir, he could be anywhere."
"Well, that's where you're wrong, Dr Harrison. Call security and get Miss Fries's tracking codes. Our global satellite system will be able to pinpoint her exact location."
Dr Harrison nodded.
"Let's just pray he has her," I said.
Whether Miss Fries was alive or dead was immaterial. If she led us to the new mutant who possessed the secret to cheating death, then she had more than done her duty for the GSA.
Oh, the possibilities of obtaining such a genetic code. I could make GS agents who couldn't be killed. It could be marketed as an extraordinarily expensive but failproof cure for any disease. My superiors would forget about the chaos and expense caused by the new mutant problem. Instead of a glorified pest controller, I would be a national hero.
But in the end, it was Miss Fries who ended up on Dr Harrison's autopsy table.
"Pity she couldn't be more helpful. I'm afraid the only thing left for her to tell us is the method by which she died. Forensically speaking, of course," I said.
"Hopefully we can discover how the new mutant absorbs the life force of the other new mutants," Dr Harrison said, approaching the corpse with a cutting tool.
But before he could begin work, the corpse lurched upright with a gasp.
"What's going on?" said Miss Fries, evidentially still alive.
I looked at Dr Harrison. "So much for the autopsy," I said.
Miss Fries looked at me, alarmed. I left Dr Harrison to deal with her. Her only skills appeared to be in running over pedestrians and unsanitary methods for re-heating drinks.
I glared at a lab assistant who failed to step out of my way as I stalked across the lab. Yet again, we were dealing with another failure. Fantastic. Just fantastic.