I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday period. It has been a challenging time for us as a family due to a few situations, but being able to spend it with the ones you love is what makes it all worthwhile. This will be the last update in 2021, I can hardly believe it! I will be back with you all next Sunday! Hope everyone has a fabulous and safe New Year.
Love to you all.
Chapter Nine
I'm running late. This whole day has been off. Both Hannah and I overslept, so I wasn't able to join her for breakfast, and her morning training session was cut short. I had missed lunch altogether. Max had called for a meeting in the afternoon that I had to attend, meaning that Nate ended up going with Hannah for her last doctor's appointment. Thankfully I was able to check the medical records seeing it was a fairly standard visit. Foster gave her the go-ahead to do all areas of initiation. Now, I was finally leaving my office heading to Hannah's party, which was already well underway.
Today was the last day before initiation would begin at Dauntless. Every sixteen year old would have had their aptitude test this afternoon, and now trying to decide what they would choose tomorrow. However, Hannah knew exactly where she was going, even if it was because she had no choice. Rather than being anxious or nervous, she would be celebrating tonight.
I'm shocked that we actually got to this day, she had made it to the end of her six initial weeks. She had started to get used to being around people and living in Dauntless. She was still extremely rough around the edges, and mostly only spoke to those in her circle. She no longer walked around like people were out to get her. She had a strong bond with Tris the only other person who might have experienced her anger and rage just as much as I had. They seemed to spend the last of their time perfecting the seminar details that Max had requested. They worked into the night, for the past few days.
I would like to think she was comfortable around me. Although most people thought I spent my time shouting at her running her to the ground. They didn't know about over evenings spent together in my living room reading on the sofa. They didn't know that she was the only one who I made coffee for, or that I left her towels on the warmer before she would get up in the morning. They didn't know I told her about my life before Dauntless. About my parents, and how I always knew I couldn't stay in Erudite. She knows how much I loved pickled onions but didn't care for broccoli. In the same way, she told me small snippets of her life before Dauntless. Although never in great detail.
There was still plenty of shouting and screaming, but it was never one-sided. We disagreed on things or got frustrated with each other. Many of the fights were small disagreements from living together and quickly forgotten. At the same time, she was also one of the only ones who could get me to smile.
Every morning was spent the same, me shouting threats at her bedroom door. Only for her to skip out twenty minutes later to get the coffee I had left her, before heading for our morning workout. She knew that I never meant any of the threats, as she smirked each time, I started a rant.
I tried to always be there for her morning training and had only missed a few times, Nate would take her to keep her in a routine. She was now used to my own workout schedule and followed me around the training room without needing any instruction. We both pushed as hard as we could, and at times it looked like she would fall asleep in her breakfast. She seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, and I enjoyed having a workout buddy.
She had made friends with the few that I was friendly with, and those I was not. Her connection to Christina meant that there was a link to Four that I had to endure. He seemed protective of her even though he was not her instructor yet and checked in with me on a daily basis. Since Zeke's party, I felt like he was constantly watching me when she was around, and it pissed me off. The more pissed off he made me; the more time it felt Hannah spent with him. I'm almost certain they are working together against me.
She seemed to be excited about training and spent as much time in the afternoons with Lynn as she could. The only one who was trying to train her in any way, she was not subtle at all. The closer it got to initiation the only one it seemed to bother was Four, but when Hannah would flash him a nervous smile he gave in. She knew exactly what she was doing.
I decided to head straight to the bar that they had agreed to meet at for tonight: Rossi's. It was one of the smaller bars in Dauntless, hopefully, that would mean it wouldn't be as busy. Hannah was still technically a dependent, but this was Dauntless and 'Choosing Day Eve', no one was going to report it, especially when I would also be attending.
When I walked through the bar it was strange to see the number of people there. I'm not sure if they are all here for Hannah, but with Uriah and Christina in charge, I would not be surprised. I scanned the area looking for Hannah. She was in the middle of a makeshift dance floor. Tris, Christina and Will keep her company. She hadn't noticed me, but I took a spot on the barstool and watched them as they danced.
She looked loose and relaxed. She had obviously been allowed to pick her own outfit for tonight. It looks like a bodysuit crossed with overalls. It's black with no sleeves but flares out on her legs. She has no shoes on and it doesn't seem to be stopping her. Her hair must have originally been put into a messy braid, but now her hair has started to fall out of the elastic, hanging around her face.
She giggles at something one of her friends must say, her head thrown back and her laugh is loud carrying around the room. She spots me when she's looking around, and she grabs a hold of Christina dragging her over towards me. The other girl looks reluctant to come over to me, and I know she tries for Hannah's sake, but she wouldn't ever willingly spend more time with me.
"Eric!" She shouts even though she is standing mere inches in front of me. "This is the best party I've ever had." She giggles as she sways along to the music playing.
"I think it's the only one you've ever had." I tell her and it only causes both of the girls to laugh in front of me, "You need to come dance with me. Tomorrow I become a woman and we wouldn't dance." She still shouts, spinning around in the spot in front of me.
I look her over and narrow my eyes at her. She now stands beside Christina, well actually, it's more like balancing up against her. Her eyes dart around the room, and she swings her hand that is joined with her friend's. She is completely wasted.
"Who has been supplying you under the table?" I question her and when she just stares back in confusion I try asking again. "What are you drinking?"
"Uriah says I'm only allowed to drink the blue ones. Or was it the green? I can't remember but they are so good, it tastes like bubblegum."
I look over at the bottles behind the bar and can only conclude that she has been told or remembered the wrong colour because she is undeniably drunk. This is going to make tomorrow a little harder to get her out of bed, but right now she is enjoying herself so I refuse to bring her night down.
"Dance with me." She lets go of Christina's hand and grabs my own, trying to drag me off the barstool, with little success. This is the first time that she has touched me willingly and on her own terms. She has always been sure that there was a distance between us. Even in the times, I have had to restrain her or hold her back, the minute I let go she always created a distance as quickly as possible.
When she realizes that I'm not going to move by her own strength she pouts at me. "Please, I'll never ask for cake again. Until it's my birthday or a party, or it's a Thursday. Thursdays are shit." She says with a straight face. Well, the best straight face a drunk person could have.
I snort at her rambles, before standing up from my seat, my hand still connected to Hannah's. Christina stares at us, I can see she is trying to figure something out, but she must come up short because she remains speechless. Christina is never speechless.
Hannah doesn't seem to notice that her friend is having her mind blown. She starts walking over to where she left the others dancing. She bumps into most of the people along the way. Some look like they are about to start a fight, but as soon as they see me with her, they move out of her way quickly.
"Uriah!" She shouts again. "I found him! He's going to get me all the bubblegum drinks now." She twirls in front of us as if she was trying to prove how drunk she was.
I stare him down, and he seems to instantly know that he's in the wrong. I bend down and whisper: "Expect an email from me in the morning to show my appreciation for your party skills. I know they are always looking for volunteers to deep clean the kitchen." He simply nods in acknowledgement, knowing there is no point fighting it.
"Eric, dance with me. We need to dance; we need to allow our bodies to flow. We need to be in a flow. We're going to blow away like Oz." She rambles off as if she is considering something very serious.
She must get over it quickly, as she moved on to the next thing. Her hand has dropped mine as she throws them in the air and starts to sway her hips with the music. Her head rolls back, and her eyes close as she takes in the music.
I stand awkwardly as she dances in front of me in her own world. Others around us dance, most of them drunk as well, or well on their way to it. Hannah is either unaware that I'm watching her, or she is and doesn't care that I'm watching her at all.
She grabs my hands and holds them up as she twirls under them. It causes her to stumble a little, but it doesn't stop her. Every time I catch her in time, helping her balance again. She does a few more before going back to throwing her arms in the air.
As she goes back to dancing with some of the others. I look to see Nate and Four standing at the bar watching us, amusement clear on their faces. I scowl back at them. I never was and never will be a dancer.
"I'm going to get a drink, come back when you need one," I say to her, making sure she opens her eyes to look at me. She nods her head before I walk back towards the bar, sitting on the other stool beside Nate.
Nate smirks at me as soon as I turn to face him. "Looks like you were having fun. Didn't know the Eric glare was a dance these days." He laughs at his own joke and even gets a chuckle from Four.
I roll my eyes at him as I grab the bartender's attention and order a Jack Daniels and one of Hannah's flavoured lemonades that she likes. This time emphasizing there is to be no alcohol in it.
"I signed Uriah up for some kitchen duty next week. Hannah's going to wake up with a major hangover tomorrow."
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure she wouldn't be the only one. I know for a fact I was still drunk the morning of my choosing ceremony. She doesn't even need to get on and off the train. She'll be fine." He fixes his eyes on me, before moving closer to me, making sure I can hear him as he lowers his voice. "Didn't know all it took was a little twirl to get Eric, our hard-ass leader of Dauntless out on the dance floor." Four snorts at his comment. "I don't know what you think is so funny, number boy. At least Eric went dancing with his girl. Yours is having to join in with her friend and her boyfriend."
"She's not my girl." I snarl out, venom in my words. This feels like a comment I'm saying a lot these days.
"I don't know about that. In all our years in Dauntless, I have never seen you dance, let alone with a girl. She must be something special." Nate teases me.
"She dragged me out." I retort back.
Four barks out a laugh, before rolling his eyes at the look I'm giving him. He looks like he's going to say something, but his eyes shift and look behind me. I turn around and see Hannah is now beside me, she moves to lean against me. I wordlessly handed her the pink drink that sits beside mine, in the hopes that she can sober up slightly.
"Well, Hannah are you excited for tomorrow?" Nate asks her.
"I'm getting a tattoo as soon it's tomorrow. Eric said when I'm not a dependent I can get one. I'm getting it right here." She moves her hand down to her hip, and I notice that her outfit actually has pockets when she shoves her hand into one of them.
She pulls a piece of paper and hands it to Nate. He looks to be analyzing the picture in front of him, before handing it over for me to look at. I instantly recognize it as a quote from the Wizard of Oz: 'True courage is in facing danger when you are afraid.' It also has a little doodle of a lion at the end, a copy of one I found in an old textbook.
"That's very Dauntless of you Hannah." Four says as he reads it over my shoulder.
"Uriah says as soon as it's past midnight I should get it. He says he's going to take me to Tori." She sways beside me, and I wrap my arm around her to prevent her from falling over or onto anyone else.
"Hannah, I don't think you can get a tattoo until the afternoon." Four says and I throw him a look telling him to shut up, while I feel her shrug back at his comment.
"Lucky for you Hannah, I'm sure Eric can take you and order someone to tattoo you. Right now?" Nate says to me throwing me under the bus. He's probably thinking that I will say no, and maybe because of that, it makes me determined to say yes.
"You want to get a tattoo, then let's go." I see both Four and Nate gawk at me, not expecting that reaction, and seeing Hannah's face it looks like she didn't either. However, her face quickly changes into a huge grin when she registers that I said yes.
Hannah shrieks when we start to leave, not before she shouts to her friends that she is leaving. She waves at the two speechless fools, sitting at the bar. I grab ahold of her arm as we make our way to the tattoo parlour.
There aren't many here, but Tori smiles when she sees Hannah. "You talk him into letting you get a tattoo? How did you manage that?"
"I asked nicely." She giggles out to Tori, stepping out of my grasp and going towards her, handing over her piece of paper. "I want this on the back of my shoulder up at the very top." I look at her confused since she said her hip earlier, but I trust she knows what she is doing.
"Alright, let me get this started, I'm going to need your back accessible. If you want to take the top half off and then lie down on your stomach." Tori stands and heads over to the front counter leaving the two of us.
"Would you unzip me?" Hannah stands with her back to me, pulling her hair out of the way.
I reach out for the zip and drag it down, till it reaches the base of her back. She pulls the top part of it down off her arms and shoulders, and I notice that she has no bra on, but there had been plenty of .padding in her clothes.
"What the hell is this?" I gesture to her outfit, trying to keep my attention away from her naked chest.
"It's a jumpsuit, Christina wanted me to wear another dress, but I didn't want everyone looking at my ass. This was the best compromise. Makes me feel like a badass. I always wanted to be a badass." She says as she gets up on the table, facing down.
I grab ahold of her hair. "We all knew you were a badass, you don't need clothes to do that. Which shoulder are you doing?"
"Right." She replies back to me instantly.
I move her hair to the left, before pulling a seat over beside her. She giggles slightly to herself. I don't know if it's because she is drunk or being nervous. "Scared?" I question.
"Nope, excited, I've wanted one the whole time I've been here. It shows everyone that I am meant to be here, and I want to feel like I belong. I've never belonged anywhere." She lies silent for a moment before she looks back at me. "What was your first one?"
"I got the ones on my arms first. It took at least three separate sessions. Made sure I got them started the first night I could. Wanted everyone to know that I was made for Dauntless."
"I don't think anyone can say you aren't Dauntless." She turns her face to look me in the eyes. "I always wanted to belong somewhere; I never belonged no matter where I go."
"You belong here," I state to her like it's a well-known fact, even if it's just to me.
She huffs at me: "That's because you won't let me leave."
"Where would you even go?" I question her, not really enjoying the idea of her thinking about leaving Dauntless.
"I don't know, I don't really have anywhere to go. Guess I should just stay here then." She says as she lays her head down on the table.
Tori walks back over before I can respond to Hannah. "Alright, this will probably be a little tickly, to begin with, since it's not going to be large. It might sting, but you get used to the sensation pretty quickly."
Hannah relaxes and as Tori gets started she looks over at me, with a smile on her face. It makes me glad that I was the one who got to bring her down for her first tattoo, and no one else. If it makes her feel more Dauntless I would have let her do it weeks ago. As time passes her eyes start to become more relaxed before they start to drop.
I watch Tori as she writes the words across Hannah's shoulder blade. Few people have writing on them. Most people use symbols or images on their body some will put the names of their spouses or children. Knowing Hannah and her love for books, she will have more than one on her before the end of initiation.
Tori finishes the tattoo and as she wipes it down, she looks to Hannah's face, to find her fast asleep. She chuckles at the sight. "That's a new one, normally first-timers are too anxious to even sit still, let alone relax to this degree."
"She might be a little drunk before she got here. Uriah was in charge of her party, so who knows what all she has had. I'm just glad that she had people who wanted to celebrate her. I'll let her know all about the aftercare instructions in the morning, no point waking her up. It's nearly certain that she would forget if you told her now." I stand from my spot beside her and go to move her from where she lies. "Would you give me a hand?" I say gesturing more so to her outfit.
Tori helps me pull Hannah up into a sitting position, and pulls the top half of her jumpsuit on to keep her covered. I pull her into my arms, she doesn't wake but burrows her head into my shoulder. Tori finishes zipping her outfit and fixes her hair so it lies over her other shoulder. She looks up at me and smiles back.
"I know plenty of people have already said this to you Eric, but I know that you've had a lot of things happen in the past couple of months. With the whole Jeanine thing, new leaders, the factionless, but I think people are starting to like the person you have become. I will be the first to admit I thought you were the world's biggest dick." She looks at Hannah and then back at me and sighs. I struggle not to walk right out of there because I'm not certain what she's going to say. "She's been good for you, to have someone who doesn't just bow down to everything you say. I know people call her your shadow, but I know she would not be the person she is if she didn't have you in her corner. I also think that she is in your corner too. I look forward to seeing her take her place in Dauntless. I know you're going to make sure she has everything she needs to succeed. I'm glad you have each other, no one would have been such a good fit as you are for her. She needed you for settling in, and she's going to need your support during her training."
I look up at Tori, surprised at her speech. I know that people think that we have been thrown into this and that I would be jumping up and down when I would be able to throw her out of my apartment, that was not the case.
"Is it weird if I say I'm going to miss her? I mean she's literally going to be downstairs in the dorms, but I just…" I trail off not really knowing what I want to say, so instead, I look at Hannah who is still asleep in my arms. "I've never really had people here at Dauntless. Sure I was friends with Nate, but he could be friends with a hotdog. She didn't always want me around either, but it was nice to be needed as a person, rather than a leader. She never was spending time with me because of what she wanted from me. Even when it started to feel like we wanted to spend our time together, it was never to gain anything." I look down at the ground ashamed that I was pouring my heart out to someone, it made me weak.
"She will miss you just as much." She smiles softly as she starts clearing the station she was working at. "I wouldn't panic, I don't think she is going anywhere too far. It's only for a few months and then you can go from there."
Unsure of what she really means by it all, I move to the front counter. "I'm sure my account details are on file here, just stick it on that. See you tomorrow."
I adjust Hannah in my arms as we make our way back to my quarters. There are still plenty of people out, many of them also drunk, and shouting over at us as we walk by. I glare at the loud ones, and when they see that it's me they quieten quickly. Dauntless always take every excuse to party. A big difference from Erudite when everything was for your work. Even your personal life and relationships.
Walking into our apartment, I make my way over to her bedroom, and pull the blankets down and place her into bed. She doesn't stir but turns to bury her head into the pillows.
I push her hair off her face, before quickly grabbing her a glass of water and some painkillers to place beside her bed. Even in the darkness, I can see all the things she has collected in her time here. All the reminders that after tomorrow I will be alone once more.
I can only hope that she will succeed and feel like she belongs here just as much as I know she does. Her friends, the self-defence curriculum, and even my apartment have all been impacted by her, and anyone that knew her would not want to go back to a life without her. Especially me.