Happy New Year Everyone!
2022, I am so thankful for many things this year. I am excited for what this year will bring, and being able to spend time with everyone here. I want to hopefully get this whole story out to you before the end of the year. Fingers crossed we get that goal done! Hope you enjoy this new chapter, and as always till next Sunday!
Chapter Ten
Hannah was never an early morning person, but for some reason hungover Hannah is. I decided to make pancakes for our last breakfast together. She was out of bed before I could even call her. She looks a little worse for wear as she heads straight from bed to the food, not caring what she looks like.
She's wearing a t-shirt that I had first got for her when she first arrived. It's at least two sizes too big on her, and I can only hope she's got shorts on underneath. She mumbles at me as she grabs a pancake taking a bite.
"How are you feeling?" I ask as I pass over her coffee mug, with it just the way she takes hers.
"Just peachy." She grumbles, before looking up at me. "Bit of a headache, and I feel like I need to throw up. I lost my shoes somewhere." She says as she looks around the living room as if waiting for them to appear.
"When I got there last night, you had already ditched them. I'll check with Christina and the bar later today, see if they know where they got to." Taking a sip of my own coffee as I lean against the counter.
"Did I really get that drunk last night?" She sighs as she finished her food, grabbing another pancake. At least they must be edible.
"I think you might have got mixed up with which ones were alcoholic and the virgin ones. Happens to the best of us, just means you're going to feel a little like shit today." I state for her, trying and failing to keep the smirk off my face.
"Fantastic, just what everyone wants for today. Do you not need to head out for the ceremony?" She asks curiously.
"We all take it in turns who goes where. I get to stay here with you. Harrison is representing this year, and Max has the roof. Four is on net and tour, while I do the speech at dinner. It's a system we worked out a few years ago. It made more sense for all the leaders to make an appearance today, especially when people didn't know all of us, even after they had been members for years."
"Can I hear your speech? Do you ramble on about the dangers of the chicken pot pie and how no one is allowed to eat any cake?" She winks at me, and I throw a piece of pancake at her. She just laughs back at me.
"I'm sure you would love that speech. I have Uriah and Nate well warned that they can't be feeding you cake during your whole training. It's not going to do you any favours." She tuts at me and picks up the food that I threw at her and pops it into her mouth. "It's the same every single year all about being brave, being Dauntless. Kind of like a welcome home, even to the transfers, before we scare them, and they wet their pants."
Hannah let out a loud laugh, and it causes me to chuckle too. "You never scared me like that. You going to try and scare me today?" She raises an eyebrow at me in a challenge.
I ponder her question. A lot of people in Dauntless were scared or intimated by me once upon a time. I had appeared in more than one fear landscape, and I prided myself in that. Now, I still scared a few of the members, and most people aimed not to piss me off, or get on my bad side. Hannah had never been scared of who I was. She had been frightened of getting caught, coming and being forced to stay in Dauntless. But it had never been me as a person. Even when she knew me and all the rumours, she never ran away. However, she had overcome every single challenge that we had thrown at her.
She never backed down from me, she never got scared of my outbursts and it was refreshing to know. To be honest it annoyed me in the beginning. Fear was the way I controlled those around me. With Hannah, she was not someone I could control.
I pull myself from my thoughts and look over at Hannah as she finishes the last pancake, completely comfortable in my kitchen, standing in her PJs, throwing food around. I knew I never wanted her to leave.
"There's no scaring you Hannah, you know all my secrets." I wink at her, and she huffs at me. "We both better get ready soon. I need to stop at the control room before I bring you up to the roof."
We quickly get ready for the day, and as I walk out of my room, I see Hannah staring into hers. I walk over till I am standing behind her. "There's not a ton of room in the dorms, but if you need anything let me know and I can have it sent down. The rest of it can stay here until you need it."
"I never had a bed before, let alone my own room. I'm going to miss it." She states and it brings me back to her first day in my apartment.
"Don't worry it isn't going anywhere. Come on, we need to hurry. Even I can't help you out if you end up being late today."
It's the first time Hannah has been to the control room, and she is mesmerized when she watches all the different monitors. Even though I had told her plenty of times we had cameras watching, it was strange for her to actually see it was for the first time. Will shows her how each of them works throughout Dauntless, the fence and the patrol routes around the city. They point out people they know and laugh when someone falls walking up the stairs.
I watch along with most of the others at the camera for the Choosing Ceremony. Amity was in charge of it this year, and every single time they did it always ran behind schedule. Lunch is brought up, and we grab some sandwiches with the others.
As she eats her sandwich her attention has now turned to the monitors for the ceremony. She really had no frame of reference for what it was or how long it would actually take. She watched as those her age made the decision of where they belonged. If it was with or without their families. Faction before blood was very much alive and many people thought that since there was no longer such a thing as being factionless that people would stay with family. Some people would rather be residents, rather than be members of the faction that their aptitude showed, all because of their parents or siblings.
Hannah had not ever asked for her aptitude or to take the test. Some of the leaders thought it would make sense for her to at least see where she should belong. I could see Dauntless in her, it had to be to survive what she had. I could also see elements of Erudite, when she asked questions and how she could easily pick up on new things. However, I could also see a tiny bit of Amity in her as well. Much to my displeasure. She was kind and patient with the people she got to know. Even though her entrance had been violent into society she was known for how quickly she became friends with those she opened up to. When she opened up.
"Do you know what your parent's faction was?" One of the workers asks Hannah.
She stares over at him, and I glare at him from my position standing behind her. I go to open my mouth, just to tell him to shut his. However, I am surprised when she does answer him.
"My mother never made it to her Choosing Ceremony. She was factionless before then. I don't know who my dad is. From what I could piece together from what my mother told me, he was and still living in a faction, at least when my mother was alive." She simply states, but I know she's holding back her emotions.
This is new information to me, and I look down but only see the top of her head. I can tell she didn't want me knowing this information or anyone really.
"Did you ever think to find your father?" The same guy asks, and I really want to shut him up, especially with my fists.
"No, my mother always told me he was a cruel and mean man. He didn't know about me, and he was never to know. Who would have wanted a factionless daughter anyway?" She snaps at the man.
"Would you not have been able to go and live in the faction? Maybe you had another family member who could have taken you in?" He must be stupid to not be able to read the room, to see he should have stopped interrogating her.
She finally snaps at the guy, and I place my hand on her shoulder to keep her in her seat. "My mother might have been factionless, but she loved me, and did what she could. I would rather have spent my years in the streets than with a father who didn't want me."
"I think we should head out, looks like they might only have another twenty to go. Let's head Hannah" I say as I lead her out of the room and away from all the eyes that are on her.
She follows behind me in silence as I lead her up the many stairs to the roof, where we will meet the rest of the initiates. I haven't told Hannah what is going to happen, but I know she isn't clueless about what is to come. Whether it was from Edward or the many loudmouth friends that she has made.
I open the door and step to the side to allow Hannah up onto the roof. She takes a deep breath in.
"I spent sixteen years of my life outside, I never thought I would say this, but I missed it. It can get so stuffy in there." She says as she takes in her surroundings.
She walks over to the ledge on the side of the building closest to the train tracks, before sitting down her legs dangling over.
"I'm sure you're glad for some fresh air. The initiates aren't able to come and go as they please, so many of them try to escape at some point or another up to the roof." Knowing how many times I have had to come up and chase them back into the compound.
"I thought we got to jog outside during training and then the war games." She questions and from the look on her face I know she has been counting on it.
"Some people don't like being watched all the time, they wanted to be able to do things on their own terms."
Hannah raises one of her eyebrows before she questions me. "Where you like that during your initiation? Or where you spending all your time fighting against the punching bags?"
"I was a bit of a loner." She laughs at that, "I know hard to believe. I was an only child, but I was now sharing a room with ten others. People would cry themselves to sleep or spend their dinner bitching about everything. Sometimes I would come up here, just to shout or scream. I still do sometimes when people get too much or I'm trying to not kill Four." I shrug knowing it's slightly odd behaviour.
"Did I ever send you up here?" She looks over at me, I glint in her eyes.
"There were days I wanted to. The days you wouldn't listen, hell you still hardly listen to me. You at least listen to me, more than you do to Four, so I should appreciate that."
"Scream now then? Scream it out, I wouldn't tell anyone as long as you let me do it too." She asks, and she looks hopeful.
"What are you screaming for?" I question, hoping that she will let me in.
"So many things. For that idiot downstairs for bringing up my parents. For all those people out there who could take advantage of me, and get away with it. For my mother dying, for being made to stay here. For now, wanting to be here." Her last sentence is whispered, but I still hear her.
"You want to be here?" I interrupt her.
She looks over at me. "You have cake here, why would I not stay?" She says, but even she doesn't look convinced by her answer.
"You would only stay for the cake?"
"No." She says, a moment passes and I think that's all she's going to say before she speaks again. I feel like I made some friends. I know you ordered most of them to spend time with me. In the beginning, I hated you all for that. Out there you can't have friends, friends turn their backs on you, they steal your food, and they use you. I had a friend once, but he died." She takes a moment to compose herself. I'm just glad I can have people here who want to try and be friends because they want to know me, not what they can get from me."
"Edward, he was your friend?" I question sitting as close as I can without breaking the moment between us.
"Yeah. He came up with this crazy plan one night. It was one of the coldest nights right before he died. He was going to sneak his way into Erudite. He would come up with this whole backstory for me. Place me in Amity or Abnegation, that way I could come to the choosing ceremony. He said I belonged in Dauntless. He wanted me to come here." She looks out over the city and at the train tracks. "He should be here. He should be able to see that I'm here. It's exactly what he wanted."
She looks down, and I know she's upset, and I believe this is the most vulnerable she has been in front of me. So, I do the only thing that feels right. I scream.
It doesn't take long for her to join in as we roar over the city. I know there are cameras up here, but they don't have audio, so it probably just looks like we are having another one of our arguments.
Eventually, we both just go quiet and look at each other. She smiles at me, and I don't fight the smile I return.
After a moment, she turns and asks: "Where's the jump?"
I roll my eyes of course she knows. "Who let it out of the bag?" I question.
"Edward told me about it, Lynn might have mentioned it also. Can I go now? I promise I'll come back up before everyone gets here." She begs and pouts, rolling her eyes when I shake my head for no.
She jumps up heading over, looking down on the other side of the building. I try and jump up as quickly as she does, chasing after her.
"Hannah. Hannah. I don't know…" Before I can even finish she has stepped off the ledge and I lose sight of her. I must scream her name as I run over to look over the ledge she just stepped off.
I'm grateful when I look down and see her lying on the net, that Four has thankfully finished setting up. I can tell from where I am that she is laughing as she lies there. I can finally hear someone shouting at her. I can only assume it's Four.
I watch as he helps her, off the net and I turn around and let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. In the distance, I can hear the train approach, telling me the rest of the initiates will be here any moment.
As the train comes past I watch as a sea of black and a few other colours land onto the building. I try to school my face as they start to gather around. I see Max make his way to the front and he looks to me.
"Where's your shadow?" I know I told you to bring her up here." He says as he takes his spot on the ledge.
"She was just trying the net out, making sure Four was doing his job right. Her name is Hannah, not Shadow."
Max rolls his eyes at me. "You push her down there? Doesn't make her first jumper you know."
At that moment I hear the side door open, Uriah and Hannah come out. She's grinning from ear to ear. She obviously doesn't have a fear of heights or falling.
"That was awesome. I have to do it again." She says as she comes to stand beside me. Max has already started his speech about entering Dauntless.
"I didn't say you could go yet. What if Four hadn't finished checking the net? Only Max had communication with him." I whisper angrily at her, trying my hardest not to shake her in frustration.
"Stop your moaning it all worked out." She looks over and sees some of the others have already started going down. "See you later." She leaves turning to give us a wave as she steps onto the ledge. Once again taking a step off.
"Dude! We could hear you screaming for her the whole way down there. Before we could see her in the net, we thought she had jumped off the other side. Four was pissed at her when she said she just went for it. Laughed right in his face." Uriah tells me while the rest of the initiates jump off the ledge.
"I hadn't even made it over to check anything. She was gone before I fully knew what she was doing." I look around the rest of the roof and there are only a few more who need to jump. "It's time for her to start giving Four all the heart attacks, rather than me."
"You gentlemen, joining us or are you taking the stairs?" Max questions when we look up and see all the initiates have jumped already.
"Can't stop me," Uriah says as we both head over to the ledge before heading down to join the others.
We make it down during Four's talk with the initiates all before splitting them into their groups. The transfers remain with Four and Christina. There seems to be a slightly smaller group than what was originally expected, but still bigger than an average group. Fifteen in total stand: five each from Candor and Erudite. One each from Amity and Abnegation. The remaining two are in mixed clothes. I only assume this means they had once been factionless, still living in the centre, rather than being placed. And then there is Hannah.
She is the only one who looks dressed for Dauntless, and while the others are glancing all around, she looks straight ahead to whoever is speaking. The others also seemed to have taken notice of her as she stands there, already looking every bit of a Dauntless member.
"As with all things that have been said today, your initiation will be very different this year. Dauntless initiation is split into three sections: physical, mental and emotional. We are only making the top twenty as members, our soldiers and leaders. Those who do not meet the mark will become residents and will be assigned their positions in Dauntless. There will be cuts during the first section and after your final test. We expect everyone to fight for their positions in Dauntless, laziness or giving up will not be tolerated." Four explains to the group.
The group mumbles amongst themselves, looking around. There is still pressure: no one wants to be cleaning or stuck in the kitchens.
"I don't have time for stupid questions." Four throws out giving each of them a pointed look. "Follow us and we will show you where you are staying and what more you need to know about Dauntless."
The group moves on, but Hannah stares after them before looking at me. It's clear she doesn't want to go with them. "I guess this is goodbye." She reluctantly says to me from her spot.
"Neither one of us are dying I will still see you around and if I hear you're giving Four more shit than you should, know I will hunt you down. Go on you need to go kick some ass." I say trying to live up to my usual leader Eric personality. It feels false and very wrong.
She stands there not wanting to move, and I don't want her to. Christina has come back and leads her in the direction of the group. I remain where I am, watching as I lose sight of them.
"That looked painful." Max now stands beside me. "It will be good for her. She deserves to be more than some resident working in the kitchen. Tris showed us some of the defence stuff they have been working through. She will do well."
I acknowledge what Max says, but don't have it in me to admit or deny how painful it was for me.
I don't see her again until dinner. She sits amongst the other transfers, but I can see her eyes, looking around for me. She isn't talking to any of the others at her table, even though a few of them seem to attempt talking to her.
Four must also notice her discomfort as he sits beside her and makes her join in with the discussion at her table. Although I can't hear the conversation I watch her body language. I would like to think I am fluent. It screams how uncomfortable she is. Although they are now all wearing their Dauntless uniforms it is easy to remember or see which faction each of the transfers originates from.
Hannah sits beside the Amity transfer: he looks like a giant beside her, the only Candor girl who is also trying to talk to her, but her answers look to be short. One of the Candor boys must say something and even Four seems to snap at him. I'm sure it will be reported back to me, most things with Hannah normally do.
Max nudges me, indicating that I should start the usual speech. It's the same speech every single year that I know many of the members already know. As I stand up in front of them all their cups start banging on the tables.
The transfers look around like they do every year before they find where I am standing. I wait until Hannah finds where I am standing, only then do I ask them to quieten.
"Initiates stand." I wait until they all get out of their seats and look up at me.
"You have chosen to join the warrior faction. We are the ones tasked to defend this city and all those who live here. We believe in protecting this city and the people inside the fence with everything we have. We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, and the courage that drives us all to stand up for those who need it. We expect that of you all. Do us proud." I stand back a little before deciding to do something so unlike myself but know it will cheer up Hannah, taking a step forward to say: "Try the cake, we have the best."
The rest of the leaders give me a strange look as I walk away and the hall is quiet for a moment before I hear Nate and Uriah shout and cheer loudly. Everyone soon follows.
In usual fashion, some of the members lift the initiates, and Hannah instantly backs away. Thankfully, Four tells them to move on to someone else. However, I see Nate and the Pedrad brothers head over to her and attempt to lift her up. Although unhappy about it, she allows them to. I watch as they hold onto her chanting with the rest of the faction at their arrival.
I decide to head to my office and work on some of the paperwork from today. Hours must pass, the hallway is quiet, most of Dauntless celebrating the new initiation, or just using it as another excuse to get drunk.
When the paperwork is finished I'm still sitting in my office. I know I should head back to my apartment, but I don't want to go home to silence either. It had become strange to think of my apartment as quiet.
"Eric! Eric!" I hear being screamed down the hallway. Four runs till he is standing in the hallway in front of my office door. He's out of breath and he looks panicked.
"What?" I stand up from my chair, and I can tell instantly that something is wrong.
"I can't find her. I went to check on the initiates, it was a curfew, and they should all be in their dorms. Apparently, no one has seen her since dinner. I already messaged everyone I could think of, Tris is checking the cameras, but they can't find her anywhere."
"She's been missing for hours?" I stare at him, ready to fight, but my desire to find her outweighs the one to beat the living shit out of him.
"Check the training room, both the initiates and the leaders, the infirmary. I'll check the roof and the net. If we can't find her, I swear I will end you. I kept her alive for six weeks and you couldn't get to the end of her first day."
I push my way out the door heading to check the roof and down by the net. There is no sign of her. Anywhere I could think I brought her during her time here, I checked. Four messages back that no one has found her yet. A patrol squad are going out to search for her. I tell him I am going too, only needing to grab my jacket.
I charge into my apartment, barging into my bedroom. My jacket still hanging over the bed. When I walk out of my room, ready to slam the door behind me: I stop in my tracks.
In my rush and panic, I had failed to notice the lights on in my apartment or the body that was snuggled on my sofa. A blanket around her legs and a book still in her hand, fast asleep is Hannah.
On the coffee table lies a used coffee mug and a keycard that must open my door. I have no clue where she got it from since it most certainly was not me.
I head over to her, sitting on the coffee table placing my hand on her arm. She slowly opens her eyes and looks up at me. She stares a little confused before she swings her legs off the side, so she is sitting up.
"What time is it?" She looks around the room, but she already knows there is no clock in here. "I was only meant to read a few chapters before you came back. I need to get back to the dorms."
"It's after curfew, Four is looking everywhere for you. No one knew where you were, and they couldn't find you on the cameras?" How did you even get a key to this place?" I question her.
She looks down at her lap, it's clear she feels guilty, whether for her own actions or for those who were helping her out. "Christina was ranting one day about knowing all the safe points that she and Will use for, well you know. Tris gave me a key one day after lunch. Uriah had split his whole plate down me, you were in a meeting in Candor and I needed to change. Zeke made the key, I sort of just kept it." She runs her hands over her face and through her hair. "How pissed is Four?" She questions.
"He's going to be more relieved that you didn't run away. I think you are going to age him more than any initiate, even Tris. I need to call him; we were about to go out on patrol to find you."
As I pull my phone out of my jacket, Hannah places her hand on mine. "I told you I would stay here. That I wanted to be here. Why would you think I would leave?" She questions, looking hurt.
"You have Four as your instructor, I would flee too." I simply retort, trying to keep the panic that had been rising in me at bay.
"He's not that bad. He can be nice, sometimes. Why do you always say mean crap about him?" She asks, and she looks genuinely curious.
"You will soon learn what it means to go through initiation with someone. You either come out loving the person or hating them. Don't you start as well with the whole put it in the past crap. Uriah is the one all about being friends with everyone, I don't need another." I say with a snort.
She giggles at my commentary, and I decide to just message Four, rather than calling him. His response is quick, but I don't check it.
"How was your first day?" Make any friends? Any enemies?" I question, wanting to check in on her like I normally do at the end of every day.
"Nothing special, they took us around on a bit of a tour. Felt a little redundant since I've been here for a while. Everyone knew who I was apparently, I was a big discussion in Candor which then meant they all knew. I'm meant to be taller according to the Erudite, they say it's because I'm malnourished."
"You are doing so much better, they are talking shit. However, you are extremely short. I'm sure it will all die down once they get to know you, or the next big thing happens around here. Which can go down at any minute. I saw you sitting with some of them at dinner, make any friends?"
"I would rather be sitting with you all. Addison, he's from Amity, he was nice. I recognized Derek from being out on the streets, he had a younger sister as well: it was nice to hear about them."
A sharp knock comes at the door, meaning it could only be Four. I open the door and he looks around the room quickly before spotting Hannah.
"Four, I'm really sorry I only came up here to read, it calms me down. I fell asleep I didn't mean to." She says getting up off the sofa, rushing to him.
"It's okay Hannah. I'm glad you are safe, but it doesn't happen again. Come on let's get you down to the dorms before it gets any later."
They both turn to the door to leave, but I step over to the sofa grabbing the blanket that Hannah had wrapped around her, holding it out for her to take. "It gets cold down in the dorms, and I know you like to be wrapped up."
She smiles at me before she follows Four out the doors back to the dorms. The key card and book along with her.