The weekend below had been an eventful one, and Vincent felt a queer sort of sadness as he walked Catherine back to her threshold. Taking Catherine back above felt like waking from a beautiful dream, one he wished they could remain in forever. Even Catherine seemed reluctant to part from him as she lingered outside the brick threshold leading to the basement of her building.
Turning to him, she smiled enigmatically, and something about her expression reminded Vincent of the tale of Hades and Persephone. For a long moment, he imagined himself returning the demi-goddess in front of him to her rightful place in the sun-lit world of greenery and life. As much as he might hate to let her go, especially now, he knew she must return.
Still, Catherine hesitated to leave him.
"Will you come above soon?" she asked. "I don't think I can go weeks again without seeing you. Even a few days will feel like eternity."
Truthful, he confessed, "I could not wait that long either. Parting is such sweet sorrow…"
Catherine nodded, her mouth curling into a shy smile. Softly, she observed, "Shakespeare knew everything."
The last comment elicited a genuine laugh from him as he had shared that simple sentiment with her so long ago. But then, he grew more serious.
"Thank you, Catherine… for what we shared these past few days. There are no words to describe what it has meant to me."
Catherine stepped forward, taking one careful step after another until they were so very close, almost touching. He could feel the heat of her breath against his face, but she did not complete the contact which would have brought her lips to his. Instead, she whispered, "The only words I have right now are these. I love you, Vincent. And this is just the beginning."
She waited a heartbeat, glancing down at his mouth, and he hoped she would make that last step to connect them. Her desires and thoughts flowed freely through the bond and her love washed over him.
Just as she was about to give up, to step away from him and return to her world above, Vincent closed the distance between them and kissed her. At first, his mouth barely pressed against hers, soft and warm and painfully restrained. But then he moved more confidently, capturing her full bottom lip between his own.
He kissed her gently, probing and exploring with no great haste, but making a point to show her his intentions were far from the chasteness he might have shown before. With slow, deliberate movements, he pushed her against the brick wall before pressing his entire body against hers, letting her feel the hard planes of him. And she could feel that he desired her still, as if his need for her would not always be just under the surface.
Perhaps it always had been.
When he eventually relinquished her kiss, Vincent paused for a moment instead of moving away from her. He allowed his forehead to rest on her shoulder as he fought to slow his racing heartbeat.
"I know I must let you go, Catherine…" he said softly.
She waited, probably wondering if he would say more. For a time, he thought about asking her to stay. Not for another day or even the week. Rather, he wanted to ask her return below with him and never leave again. His heart broke at the thought of letting her return above, even as he knew he must. Part of his agreement in loving her meant that he must obey the inner vow to always let her go.
With a great deal of effort, he forced his inner needs back into tight control. Catherine noticed the change in him, the acquiescence in his eyes to the inevitability of her departure.
"Come to me tomorrow night," she told him.
With a shake of the head, Vincent answered, "I cannot. I must assist with repairs to one of the lower chambers. The work will take several days."
"Then whenever you're finished," she begged. "If you can't come above, send me a message and I will come below."
He sighed at the desperation in her voice.
"Friday," he promised. "The work should be done by then. I will come to you Friday night."
Catherine nodded, accepting the separation even as she so clearly despised its necessity. "Then I'll see you on Friday."
Making sure to be at her desk extra early after Joe had given her Monday off, Catherine found herself already deeply ensconced with work on Tuesday morning when a familiar face stopped by her desk.
"Hey, stranger," Justin said, sitting down in the extra seat she kept for speaking with victims and witnesses. "Did you have a good weekend?"
She flashed him a smile. "I did, actually."
Her old friend stared at her for a long moment, his eyes searching. Finally, he observed conspiratorially, "Oh, you *did* have a good weekend, didn't you?"
Blushing automatically at the implication, Cathy looked away as she tried to hide her smirk.
"So, any big plans this week?" Justin followed up. "If not, I have tickets to the opera tonight. You can fill me in on all the details."
Even though a deep part of her wished to say yes, to share her newfound happiness with a kindred spirit, Cathy shook her head apologetically. "I can't."
There was a certain amount of finality in her voice, and they both knew without her saying the words that her refusal had as much to do with her secret relationship as it did with any sort of schedule conflicts.
Unphased, he said, "Then what about dinner? I can grab Chinese food and meet you at your place. There's actually a case I wanted to get your take on…"
The alternative of a less public and more casual get-together appealed to Catherine, and she accepted, inviting him to her apartment around the seven o'clock hour. With a conspiratorial wink, Justin left her to her work as he ventured on to his own office.
As the hours dragged on through the day, Catherine felt continually distracted by memories of her weekend below. Sometimes, she zoned out completely as she wondered where he was, what he was doing, and what he might be thinking. More than just the obsessions of a love-sick teenager, Catherine craved that connection they had shared and renewed together so intimately.
By the end of the work day, both her own investigative work and effort at focusing on something other than Vincent had taken their toll on her, and she sighed with relief as she gathered her things.
"Hey, Ratcliff," her boss said, stepping out of his office. She had only seen him a few times during the busy day, but now he made his way to her desk. "I take it the extra day off did you good, huh?"
Grinning, Catherine tried not to feed his ego too much as she agreed, "I think it did. Thank you."
"You, uh… doin' okay then?" he asked quickly, obviously having wanted to broach the subject earlier but reluctant to ask her directly.
"I'm actually doing wonderful," Catherine assured him.
The answer almost surprised him, but he nodded thoughtfully.
"Good. That's good."
While she had more to say, she wisely decided to wait. The weekend below had opened an entirely new world to her, one which she was still trying to understand and accept. And she needed more time before she was ready to start making decisions and negotiating job changes.
But Joe surprised her.
"So, I wasn't going to mentioned his yet, but I figured I should make sure it's on your radar." She raised an eyebrow at him, and he went on, "So, the mayor has this task force focusing on domestic violence. One of their recommendations, and the mayor is seriously considering it, is an interdivisional team focused specifically on those victims."
"An interdivisional team?" Catherine questioned.
"Yeah, it sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo, but basically they want to combine a bunch of areas into one - cops, social services, our office. Even having special people at the hospital trained to deal with these victims. Kids especially. How many times have we gone to prosecute a case and the victim is already traumatized from having the police question them over and over again, trying to catch them in a lie? It's hard to earn their trust when the system already broke it."
Nodding thoughtfully, Catherine said, "So you're thinking I should move to that team?"
For a long moment, Joe stared at her.
"Radcliffe, they're looking for someone to head the team. Someone from our office. And so far, your name keeps floating to the top of the list."
Her eyes widened in surprise. "Me?" she asked.
"Why not you?" Joe responded. "You've got the credentials. Good education. Solid work with our office and a big win in the Nolan case. Plus it helps that you… uh, you know. You have background…"
"As a victim," Catherine stated, finishing what Joe could not bring himself to say.
"Exactly." He looked uncertain for a second. "So, uh… Just keep that in mind, huh? Before Justin steals you off to the trial division."
Joe chuckled uncertainly and Catherine tried to hide her own guilty conscience.
"I was going to talk to you about things soon," she admitted. "About changing my responsibilities. Reducing the riskier side of my job."
He nodded thoughtfully. "I had a feeling. And we should have that conversation anyway. As much as I rely on you around here, Radcliffe, I don't want you to burn out and leave either."
"We will," she told him with a smile. "Soon. Thanks, Joe, for being such a good boss. And a good friend."
His answering grin was endearing, but she could see a shadow of regret behind his eyes. Things were about to change - he could sense it as easily as she - and change would always be frightening. But he also respected her enough to want the best for her, both personally and in her career.
As promised, Justin arrived at her door promptly at 7:30 pm with a paper bag full of Chinese take-out for them to share. While Catherine had changed into a more comfortable pair of sweatpants and a loose-fitting t-shirt, Justin still wore his suit from the office. Upon setting the bag down on her kitchen table, he quickly reached up to remove his already loosened tie.
"I got beef and broccoli and egg foo young. As I recall, those were your favorites once upon a time."
Catherine nodded with a smile, touched that he had remembered so small a detail after so many years. But at the same time, the special attention left her feeling a bit uncomfortable. Stephen Bass had also remembered everything about her, and when she had insisted to the last that he was only a friend to whom she owed her loyalty, that refusal to pay attention to potential problems had almost lead to her death.
Justin chuckled, perhaps at the enigmatic expression on her face. "I only remembered because they're my favorites as well," he said, pulling out identical cartons to place in front of himself.
Catherine laughed and without further preamble, they both broke into their respective dishes.
For most of the evening, she remained subdued and allowed Justin to talk. He had finally begun to settle into his position in the DA's trial division. And while the workload left much to be desired, he enjoyed the challenges.
"We were almost completely finished with voir dire," he said, midway through a story from his latest trial,"and I was about to tell the judge I had no more questions for the panel. And then I remembered to go over my checklist. And I realized, I'd forgotten the thing on the top. The very first thing I should have done from the outset. Can you guess?"
Grinning, Catherine remembered her own few experiences assisting with trials. "You didn't ask the potential jurors if anyone knew the witnesses."
"Worse!" Justin exclaimed. "I forgot to ask if they knew the defendant! I finally remembered, and this little old lady in the first row raises her hand and says, 'Is that little Davey sitting there? I thought he looked familiar. I taught him in second grade.'"
Her friend's impression of the elderly woman left her laughing, and Catherine found the expression of humor refreshing after such an intense weekend followed by a long day at work. Justin grinned at her across his beef and broccoli, pleased to have elicited the desired response.
"Oh, but it gets better," he proclaimed. "I of course used a challenge on her, but the guy's attorney objected. He tried to argue that this is New York and you can't throw a rock without hitting someone's second grad teacher. Of course she could be impartial, and so forth. So the judge asked her to come up to the bench to ask some questions about her recollection of 'little Davey.'"
Enthralled with the story, Catherine murmured, "Oh no," before pressing her hand against her lips.
"When the judge asked her if she remembered the defendant, she very loudly assured him that she did. Before anyone could stop her, she told a story so loud everyone in the courtroom heard, even the bailiffs in the back. She regaled everyone of the time when little Davey, upset that she had confiscated some toy or other, left a sewer rat in the bottom drawer of her school desk."
Laughing anew, Catherine asked, "What did the judge do?"
"He thanked her for her service to the community and told her she could go home. And then he had the clerk mark her off the roster for any further jury duty."
"And defense counsel?" Catherine asked. "Did he move to strike the rest of the jurors?"
Justin lit up. "No. See, that's the funny part. He was being charged with trespass. Apparently, he used to work at this pet shop and quit because they were being mistreated. He later broke in to 'rescue' some of the animals, but the owner caught him. The police originally arrested him for burglary, but the guys upstairs decided to prosecute a lesser charge we knew we could prove. But now after his second grade teacher has already provided proof of him being an animal lover at a young age… I think I'm going to lose this trial."
His jovial tone made it clear that he did not mind the potential hit to his prosecutorial record, something Catherine knew might upset other lawyers in their office. Instead, she focused on Justin's perspective.
"Why don't you just drop the case altogether?"
He shrugged. "I can't. Even if he had good intentions, he still broke into a business and tried to steal someone's property. And he won't take a plea. I've already offered him probation, and he just won't take it." With a deep sigh, he leaned back in his chair. "So, on Friday, I get to see how much damage that old lady did to my case."
Having finished their meal during his story, Catherine gathered up the empty plates and consolidated the leftovers to put in her fridge.
"Can I get you a drink?" she called.
"Maybe wine?"
Catherine recalled from their brief period of dating that he preferred white wines, so she poured them both a glass of chardonnay.
"You remembered," he said with pleasure upon taking a sip.
"It helps that white wine is also my favorite," she pointed out.
He sighed deeply and leaned back on her couch. "See, that's the problem. We were so perfect together... even if it never would have really worked."
"Better to wait for a chance at true happiness than to settle for something always doomed to failure," Catherine told him.
"Yes, alas," Justin agreed. "But you haven't told me, how is your 'chance at true happiness' going? I got the feeling from you this morning that things might have… taken a better turn."
Trying hard not to blush, and likely failing, Catherine, looked away as she fought to keep her lips from betraying too wide of a smile.
"Things have definitely… taken a better turn," she affirmed.
Justin's eyes lit up. "Oh, tell me. No, on second thought, I know you won't tell me. But it sounds like this guy got over some of his hangups?"
She nodded again. "Yes.."
"So… positive progress."
"Definitely positive progress."
They sat in silence for a moment, Catherine cocooned in the warmth of finally being able to talk with a friend, someone who did not know Vincent or about the wonderful developments in her life. At the same time, she sensed a sort of sadness from her companion.
"Justin…" she began. "I promised I would never ask you about your love life. But…"
He shook his head quickly, and she let the question die away. A calm quiet existed between them as she waited, hoping he might say more. And finally, he did.
"There was someone," Justin admitted. "I even came back to the city hoping… But he's too scared people will find out that he won't even take the chance. And what's more, Cathy… He's ashamed. And, I know that feeling because that's how I grew up. That's what I was taught. But once I became an adult and met other people and started to feel accepted, even if only by my friends… I started to lose that sense of shame. It stopped being a part of who I am. But with him… He still holds it close inside and he won't let it go. I think… honestly, I think he is scared to let it go, to accept himself as he is."
Slowly nodding, Catherine said, "I think I know what you mean."
Continuing, Justin said, "As much as I might love him, I can't make him love himself."
She smiled, thinking of Vincent and all his layers of hesitancy and unworthiness. But at least she knew she had finally managed to pierce his doubts. And as much time as it might take to clear them all away, she would take.
"I understand. I really do."
"I even tried to make him jealous. I let him know whenever I was taking you out. Even though we're obviously just friends, I guess I wanted…" he trailed off. "I don't know what I wanted."
"To feel wanted?" Catherine suggested.
"Yeah," he agreed with a sigh. "But it just backfired on me. It reminded him of all the things he and I could never really do together. We can't go to the ballet or take in a show without drawing attention. And then, if the wrong person were to see us…"
Taking in a deep breath, she offered in a hopeful tone, "One day, perhaps. Sometimes that chance of true happiness is closer than you would have expected."
Justin nodded. "Perhaps." But then, changing his voice to a light and teasing tone, he said, "I suppose I should be consoling your boss. You know, I think he sits in his office all day trying not to pine after you."
She laughed aloud. "That's not true."
"Take it from me - Joe Maxwell has a thing for you. Believe me, I've been watching him."
"Okay, I'll admit, he might have a little crush," Catherine agreed, not pressing her friend on why he might be closely observing her boss. "But he's always been supportive and professional."
"If you say so," Justin muttered. "But if you ever want to get out of the investigations grind and do some real lawyer work, I know they'd love to see you over in trials. The turnover is crazy so there are always positions open. And more than a few folks have mentioned the good work you with that Nolan case last year, despite Moreno throwing you in at the last minute."
The thought of moving to a different area did appeal to her, Catherine had to admit. But the position Joe had described to her that morning seemed like a better fit, the sort of thing she could do that would help so many people.
But rather than foreclosing the possibility altogether, Catherine said simply, "I'll think about it."
They said their goodbyes and she gave him a kiss on the cheek. But just before Justin was about to leave, she stopped him.
"In case I never said it before… I'm really glad to know you," she told him. "And I hope you find the love you deserve."
With a smile full of warmth, Justin pulled her into a hug. "I'm pretty sure you have said it before, Cathy. But thank you."
The next two days passed all too slowly for Catherine's taste, even if she spent nearly every waking moment at work. The case files seemed to accumulate faster than she could get a handle on them. Each morning brought new dispositions with new witnesses and victims.
And each evening, alone in her apartment, Catherine struggled not to miss Vincent's presence. After so many hours filled with people and the din of a busy office, she embraced the peace and quiet. But she still wished for him beside her. One more night she would have to wait until reuniting with Vincent again, and she ached at the remaining hours separating them.
Stepping out onto her balcony, she took in the sights and sounds of the city below her. Sirens reverberated, although on the 18th floor they lost some of their immediacy and took on an almost other-worldly quality. The lights shone and sparkled, eclipsing even the stars above, and Catherine let her eyes sweep over them.
I'll miss this…
The thought came to her suddenly, and Catherine felt a wave of confusion. While her inner voice had spoken the words, she wondered what exactly it meant.
I need to be with him.
Her heart, always so uncertain in the past, seemed to have taken on a life of its own. As much as she loved her job, loved this city… it was no longer enough. If sacrifices had to be made - and Catherine had no illusions that she could have the life she wanted without making some - then this would have to be the sacrifice. And yet, she knew he would argue. He would insist on her remaining in the world above, of being a woman of two worlds.
Like Persephone, she thought to herself, pleased at having found an apt literary reference.
According to mythology, after being kidnapped by Hades and taken to the underworld, Persephone had eaten pomegranate seeds, resulting in her being unable to return to the living world with her mother. But her mother, the goddess Demeter, had turned the world cold and dead in her absence. A compromise was reached and Persephone began traveling back and forth, spending some time each year in the underworld where Hades ruled. And in those months of her daughter's absence, Demeter wept so fiercely that no plants could grow. And thus, winter was born.
With both her parents dead, Catherine knew that only a handful of people above would miss her absence. But she had to acknowledge that her friends would worry if she suddenly disappeared. Joe, for one, would go looking for her. He had done so once already when she had gone suddenly below after her father's death. Also, Jenny and Nancy would wonder about not being able to get in contact with her, at least not through conventional means. Even Justin would worry.
Loathed to use another helper as her personal answering service, Catherine thought about a way in which she could maintain a presence in the world above while also spending the majority of her time below. Quitting her job at the DA's office would have to be first on the list. The hours she currently worked were nothing short of exhausting. Plus, as long as she remained doing investigations, there would always be some contact to meet in a dark, dangerous location. Even when she tried to be careful, Catherine had a propensity for ending up in the thick of it. And she could not have Vincent following her into those situations in order to save her, not when she knew how much it cost him every time he was forced to take a life in her defense.
No, Catherine knew the time had come for her to give up her job completely.
True, Joe's suggestion of heading a special victim's unit did intrigue her. She had gained plenty of experience and seniority in her time at the DA's office, so she felt confident that if she applied for it, she would at least be among the top candidates. And even if they did not hire her, she could always take Justin's suggestion and move to the trial division. She would feel guilty at leaving Joe, but Catherine also knew that his own career might take him elsewhere at any time as well.
Still, every hour she spent above would be one she was not spending below - with Vincent.
Conflicted, Catherine set aside the quandary for the moment to focus on another issue. If she did keep working above, she would need a better way to go below in the evenings and weekends. Already, Brian had noticed her going to the basement and followed her. What would happen if an adult got curious about her curious comings and goings? Nevermind the fact that expecting Vincent to climb up to her balcony whenever he wished to see her was doubly dangerous, both that he might be spotted and also that he might fall. That last fear had rooted itself into her psyche after their misbegotten night and Catherine feared it might never leave.
Perhaps if she bought one of the brownstones on the upper west side, Catherine pondered. She would have to investigate and find one with potential access to the tunnels so Vincent's comings and goings could remain in secret. But considering the money her father had left her in addition to the inheritance from her mother… it was a possibility.
With a smile, Catherine nodded slowly as she allowed the fullness of her plan to take form in her mind. In the morning, she would begin the steps necessary to ensure her and Vincent's dreams might actually become reality.
TBC