"Hon, he's here." Nat softly said as she stood by the doorway.
"Let him in." I heard Clint whisper, still holding onto me.
He held onto me until I was able to calm myself down. When I finally looked up, Bucky was standing next to Nat, in the doorway, and he was looking worriedly at us.
"Relax, Barnes, they're both fine. Clint was just talking to her. Had a lot to talk about apparently…" Nat said before reaching up and smacking him upside the head, as she walked in and sat in her spot on the couch.
He gasped, before reaching up to rub the back of his head, with a groan. "What the hell was that for, Romanoff?" He asked her.
"It's Barton, it has been for seven years, you dickwad, and that was for getting my little sister pregnant before you married her." She said with an eye roll.
"First of all, we weren't planning for this to happen. Second of all, you were already pregnant when you got married to Clint, so shut your mouth." He sniped as she gaped at him.
Clint cleared his throat loudly, shaking his head before standing up, before heading to sit next to Nat, and smiling at me innocently.
I narrowed my eyes at them, "I fucking knew it! I knew Nate wasn't a fucking premie! He weighed like nine fucking pounds at birth, for Pete's sake! God, you two are so fucking idiotic sometimes." I grumbled as Bucky sat next to me, pulling me to his side, amused.
I shrugged out of his hold, turning to look at him, with narrowed eyes. "You fucking knew!" I growled at him.
"Ari, stop cursing. The kids will hear you." Clint chastised.
"Oh please. Like Nate's first words weren't fuck, and shit." I growled at him, causing both of them to wince.
"Hey, calm down, Bunny. It's bad for you and the kid to get angry." Bucky said calmly.
"Don't you, 'Bunny' me, James Buchanan Barnes! You knew and didn't tell me! What the hell?! I thought we were friends back then?" I asked, frowning and crossing my arms over my chest, before wincing.
I heard him sighed, and watched as he rolled his eyes. "Are you done yet, so I can explain?" He asked me.
"No! I'm mad at you." I replied, scowling at him.
"Quit scowling, Bunny. And let me explain. Look, I didn't tell you because— because it wasn't my secret to tell. Just like you didn't tell me about Becky and Steve. It's the same thing." He said, giving me a knowing look.
"Oh, so this payback for what happened the other day, is that it?" I asked him, placing my hands on my hips.
He sighed, before shaking his head exasperated. "No, you little shit. They made me promise not to tell anyone…" he explained.
"I only threatened him, a little…" Nat muttered.
"Babe, we both know that threatening any man's manhood, is not a little." Clint added, with an eye roll.
Bucky winced, crossing his legs at the memory.
"Erm, yeah, Becky never asked me to keep that a secret… exactly. I simply did that because I don't like remembering what I saw that day… I saw way too much of both of them than what I needed to see." I mumbled, wrinkling my nose in disgust.
He sighed, again. "Well, I accidentally overheard them talking in the breakroom. So, I kept it a secret, after they persuaded me." He explained.
"You guys are all assholes." I grumbled, leaning back, and crossing my arms over my chest.
"Wait, why am I an asshole now?" Bucky asked, offended.
"Because I say so." I grumbled back.
"Oh, great. In the doghouse and we're not even married yet." He mumbled, shaking his head and sighing again.
"You better shut up or you're sleeping on the floor." I mumbled.
"Arianna, quit being a pain in the ass." Clint told me, as he looked towards Bucky. "So, what are your plans?" He asked him.
I stared at them before snorting and leaning back, letting out a yawn.
"For us? The baby? Or in general?" Bucky asked with a raised brow.
"All of the above. I know you two just got together as a couple, so I want to know how you're going to deal with co-parenting, running a company, and living together." My brother explained.
Bucky looked at me before turning to look at Clint. "Well, before any of this happened I had been looking into moving out of town, and into a more suburban place, closer to my parents and family. So, there's that… The company is kept running by me, and a few trusted people, so that isn't ever going to be a problem. As for me and your sister, and our relationship, well nothing between us has changed much besides us getting intimate, which you don't need to know about." He replied, smiling at me as I frowned.
"Nothing has changed? So, I'm what your fuck buddy now or what?" I asked him.
"No, I just meant that…" he began.
"That what?!" I asked.
"Oh for Pete's sake! Arianna, quit interrupting and let the man talk already." Clint said, with an eye roll.
"Look, I love you. I have for a long time. That's what I meant. It feels like nothing has changed because I have loved you for a while now. The only difference now is that you know about it." Bucky explained, with a small shrug.
I beamed up at him before finally letting him wrap his arm around me, and touch my stomach.
"There. Was that so hard?" Nat asked, smiling at us.
"Yes, now shut up." I mumbled, leaning my head onto his shoulder.
"These pregnancy hormones are going to drive everyone crazy. I can already feel it." Nat muttered, shaking her head.
"Do you guys plan on getting married?" My brother asked, ignoring us.
I gaped at him in disbelief, before hiding my face in Bucky's chest, trying to ignore the headache I felt coming in from receiving so much information. "Make him stop, Bubsy, please make him stop." I begged.
"Relax, he's just looking out for you, babe." He whispered, kissing my hair, before he looked back at my brother. "That's for your sister to decide." I heard Bucky reply with a smile.
"Seriously?" I asked, looking up at him, surprised.
He wordlessly nodded, smiling at me. "Of course. Just say the word, and we'll do it. Whenever you want. I don't mind waiting until you're ready. I'll wait however long you need, Bunny" He replied.
I turned to look towards Nat and Clint, only for Nat to smirk with a raised brow at me, as Clint gave me an 'I told you so' look.
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, thinking for a moment.
How were we going to do it? Our jobs are hectic. We do overwork a lot, and we are living together.
"How is this going to work? I mean, I'm not saying I don't want to, because that would be a lie. But how would that work with you always traveling out of state or other countries to meet with your clients, and me doing the same with Tony… We would never see each other. Even with this baby on the way… We only ever see each other a few nights a week… Oh god! We're going to be bad parents!!! How—how are we going to do this?" I gasped, feeling myself begin to panic.
Irrational panic and anxiety of the past began to rise in me as I thought more and more about my childhood and how I could possibly be a good mother when I had that type of example in my life…
Oh god…
My muscles slowly began to bunch up, suddenly feeling the room become smaller and smaller, as my chest began to tighten.
"Woah. Hey, Bunny? Sweetheart, you need to calm down." Bucky said, as he moved off the seat, to kneel before me.
"I—I can't." I gasped, as my breathing began to speed up.
"Relax, baby. Breathe with me, okay? Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale…" he instructed me, doing the exercises too.
I tried to follow his instructions, forcing myself to slowly focus on his inhaling and exhaling technique as I tried to do the same.
"What's happening to her?" I heard Clint ask concerned as Bucky made me look at him placing his forefinger rand thumb under my chin gently, after I tried to turn to look at my brother.
"She's having a panic attack. When she stresses a lot, or she gets overwhelmed… she either has a panic attack or blacks out completely. She's gotten better but it still happens every now and then." I heard Bucky explain as he continued to do the breathing exercises with me.
After a moment I finally began to feel myself relax. My tense muscles slowly beginning to relax, causing my body to sag and fall limply towards him.
"She's going to need to lie down. Where is the room she's staying in?" Bucky asked as he pulled me into his arms and stood up to his full height.
"Down the hall, first door on the right." Nat whispered, concerned.
I stared up at him, bleary eyed, as he slowly made his way down the hall, kicking the door open before kicking it shut.l.
A moment later he laid me down on the large king bed, before kissing my forehead. "Hey, how are you feeling, Button?" He asked me quietly, as he pulled the blanket over me.
"Better. Thank you for helping me calm down. I'm sorry for being such a pain earlier…" I whispered, as he sat down before taking my hand into his.
"Don't worry about it, baby. You being better matters a bit more than your brother's questions, at the moment." He replied, giving me a small smile.
I smiled up, "I really do want that, you know… you, me, and the baby… but I'm terrified that I'll mess the kid up. What if I'm a bad mother?" I asked quietly, sniffling.
He sighed, moving to lay next to me, before pulling me onto his chest, carefully. "Baby, I've seen how you are with Amy, and Nate, little Aubrey, I highly doubt you would be a bad mom. But if anything you should be worried about how I'll fuck up the kid… I mean look at me. I'm a vet, with PTSD, I run my own company because no one would hire me, and I cuss like a sailor. Tell me, who do you think is more likely to fuck this kid up?" He asked, with a small smile.
I bit back a smile as I felt his stare on me, "We really stepped in it this time, didn't we, bubs?" I asked looking up.
He wrinkled his nose, nodding at me. "Yeah, I think, we sort of did. But don't worry, I'm sure our families will help us, if we need it. Especially my mother." He replied amused.
I laughed, smacking his chest lightly, "How do you think she's going to react when she finds out?" I asked him.
"I got fifty on a bet with Becky, saying that she'll either pass out, or cry. Any bets from your end?" He asked, with a laugh.
I chewed on my lower lip, looking up as I thought. "Let's see. I bet she drops what she has on her hands the moment she sees me." I finally say.
He scoffed, "I say that's utter bullshit." He says, with an eye roll.
"Is that so, well, why don't you put your money where your mouth is, Barnes? I bet you two fifty that she does." I say, smirking at him.
He rolled his eyes, giving me a doubtful look before sighing, "Easy money. I bet you she passes out, and smacks me upside the head when she wakes up." He replies, shaking my hand.
"I know she'll hit you either way." I replied with a snort.
"No doubt about it, that woman loves hitting me while I'm home." He snickers.
Clint and Nat walk in a moment later, eyeing me with concern.
"How are you feeling, small fry?" He asked as they say on the foot of the bed, and he turned to pat my feet.
"Much better…" I replied with a small smile.
"Why didn't you tell us about your panic attacks?" He asked, concerned.
I sighed, as Nat handed me a water bottle, before I slowly sat up and took a long sip. "I— I didn't want you to get worried about me…" I whispered.
He scoffed, "But you told Barnes?" He asked, raising a brow at me.
"I actually didn't tell him. He found out on his own..." I replied softly.
"How?" He asked confused.
"Well, I was sort of out one day, and ran into him… I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the store we were in…" I whispered.
My brother looked at me taking a deep breath, before turning to look at Bucky, "Explain please." He said with a calm voice.
"We were grocery shopping, and happened to run into each other… we were walking near the produce section when she started trembling, and sweating, before she started to hyperventilate… My sister Rebecca used to have anxiety attacks shortly after her husband died so I knew what happened and helped her through it… once it was over I made her sit down on a bench near the door while I paid for our things and got her out of there… Then I helped her get home and made sure she was alright before heading home." Bucky explained.
"How long have you been experiencing these?" Nat asked.
I looked down at my lap. "Since a few weeks after our parents died." I whispered.
"Wha— Excuse me, I need some air." I heard my brother say as he got up and leave, causing my head to snap up.
I felt my lower lip begin to tremble as I shakily tried to get up, only for Bucky and Nat to stop me.
"Give him time. He needs to wrap his head around this, and you need to get some rest..." Nat said before following him out.
I looked over at Bucky, as my lower lip began to tremble.
"It's okay, you did the right thing by telling him, Bun… now just give them time to wrap their heads around it. Everything will be okay, sweetheart." He said as he pulled me into a hug.
I tried to not let my emotions overwhelm me, but I realized it was too late as my eyes began to fill with tears, as I felt his arm wrap around me.
"Don't cry baby, it'll be okay." He whispered.
I nodded, sniffling quietly, as he laid us back down, pulling me onto his chest gently again.
"Sleep now, it'll be better tomorrow morning." He promised.
I felt his hand slowly begin to run through my hair, before closing my eyes slowly sinking into a calm, deep slumber.